SmartAzzSir

My D/s Thoughts....
Years back, I used to send out little email 'NewBie' info packs to people getting into or thinking about D/s.. I used to send out 'NewBie' info packs back in My local BBS and later AOhelL days.. Thought I'd share it.. I updated it slightly.. But please share your thoughts as well... So here.. without further ado..
My D/s thoughts..

D/s...

Deliverance / slavery??
No..
Dominance/submission

Where do you draw the line? What dark recesses drive the perversions of the obscure? 

Do you remember what you have heard? Rumors and whispers of people subjecting themselves to torture, whippings, spankings, humiliation, bondage, and even more bizarre acts. 

Hello. This isn't D/s. D/s is far simpler, requires no accouterments, no implements, no fancy gear or elaborate justifications. D/s is very, very simple. When a man looks down into the eyes of a woman and within him surges the desire to possess, to own, to control, to protect he is expressing Domination. When a woman looks up into the eyes of this man and within her surges the desire to be held, coveted, desired, possessed, owned, controlled and protected, she is expressing submission. Ah hah you say. But, isn't that sort of everyone? 

Indeed. D/s traits are universal to some degree in all humans. It is an underlying biological reproduction mutation. An encouragement for survival. So why the whips and chains? Aren't they D/s? 

No. D/s is Domination and submission. To some degree practiced by ALL human beings with their partners. There is a separation from Bondage and discipline or B/d and Sadism and masochism S/m. Often run together as ‘THE SAME THING’. They are actually very separate things. A man can and often does dominate a woman physically. He may not know that he is doing so, but he responds instinctively. A woman can and often does submit to the man's will, she may resent it, challenge it or even deny it but she responds instinctively and submits. Essentially, though both people are autonomous and separate they must come together as a team in order to successfully propagate their species. Yep, back to that biological prerogative again. If you have two captains on a ship you have CONFLICT. War! Little is achieved except polarity.  

So let us address what D/s people term the vanilla life. Vanilla essentially means humans who live WITHOUT strong D/s responses. D/s are VIVID. Strongly passionate. Overtly sexual. Vanilla are less so, more PASTEL or Vanilla. They tend more toward the middle of the road, sex once a week on Tuesday’s. (though that may be an unfair generalization) 

Essentially all humans are D/s. However, the lifestyle known as D/s houses and shelters those humans who's inherent nature is far stronger. Most Dom's and sub's will collectively tell you that they have tried many times to live in a conventional lifestyle. Often for many, many years as part of a marriage. All acknowledge deep yearnings for MORE. A stronger response from their partner, more ATTENTION. They have ‘emerged’ into a knowledge and acceptance of desires within them that are abhorrent to the way they have been raised. Eventually they go seeking someone who can address these long contained needs. 

So, to the meat of the puzzle. What is it? 

The application of pain. Even saying it sends millions of people off into the corner screaming ABUSE! Well, abuse exists. And, a lot of it. D/s people are not domestic abusers. They have no need to abuse their partner. Ahhh. Say What??? 

From the Submissive: I intertwine my arms around my man's neck, look up into his eyes and ask him or even beg him to spank me. His arms tighten about my waist, a loving grin in his eyes, he replies, “Perhaps”. Every single aspect of a relationship is important. The respect, the dis-respect, the elevation and the reduction. I know that when he focuses his attention lovingly upon me, uses his hands or a paddle, flogger or whip against my skin, that it will hurt, will burn, will alter, will AROUSE me. It excites the most primal side of my nature. Allowing me the freedom to respond with sharp cries, wanton desires and pure raw passion. He sets me free.  

So, to be very simple here. light pain enhances arousal. Pain and pleasure share the same nerve endings in the human body, they send messages to the brain on the same conduit. Within some people those lines blur - pain and pleasure are the SAME! These are the people who live within the lifestyle called D/s.  

From the Dominant: I feel the laughter bubbling inside her, the way her eyes dance when she looks up at me. Her attention is like the sun surrounding me, enveloping me. She freely offers to me the gift of herself. I know that I ‘cannot’ shame her, damage her, embarrass her. She has left behind the cloistered chastening words of her upbringing. Instead she offers to love me, to give to me the gift of touching her with that side of myself that I must forever hold tightly contained. The beast within. I have held the beast back, denied it. Felt only shallow distant emotions and feelings for those I told I loved. Then I met her. She offered the beast the gift of freedom. For only with her permission do I exist, am I free. Between us, when I express control of her, it is by mutual consent. And the pain? When I touch her, gently bringing her to an edge, I see and smell the musk of her arousal, there is a sense of rightness, deliverance. Freedom. When she peaks, I peak. My desire grows with hers.  

So, what about discipline?  

This brings a smile. D/s extends. Bondage and discipline are often practiced by long term real life Dominants and submissives. It is a natural extension of a healthy D/s relationship. However, I know several couples quite well who find it more pleasurable to enjoy each other unencumbered. They prefer hand spankings, physical domination in bed (the man literally pinning the woman). They find the hardware un-natural and un-necessary. Then again, they are the minority here. Most D/s people love to experiment. The Dominant men enjoy expressing their dominance in more dramatic ways. The very idea of tying up a woman and flogging her is mentally erotic and very stimulating. The submissive women often create, make, design and TELL their Dominant what they would like to try out. Yes, They LIKE bondage, collars, commands. Perhaps you could consider it a role they love and need to experience. They want to be reduced (with love), played with, used. Ut oh. Sounds like a slut.  

Were you told “good girls don't...” Of course. Women are told to deny their natural eroticism. To be erotic is to be nothing more than a slut. So, for a woman to get past all that conditioning it really helps if she is tied up and can't help herself. So, the man ties her up and voila she becomes a wanton slut. (very big grin) This is a simplistic view of an experience which does not really have anything to do with sex. Sort of. It has to do with reproduction - and that is sex, but the best Dom I ever met was a Vietnam Vet who came back without legs and functionally unable to perform. Yet, he was a Dom through and through. And, greatly adored by his submissive wife. 

It is within the demonstration of control, the exchanging of the gift that the Dominant and the submissive truly come into their own. It may be a simple glance, a soft whisper in her ear. A momentary pause in their mundane life. An acknowledgment of love and attention. Perhaps she just happens to leave a tiny flogger inside his briefcase and a note that the evening is open. This is a willful desire, choice and pleasure between them. It exists because both agree it exists. If either cease to participate it ceases to exist.  

Now.. The MOST important thing in a D/s relationship.. The Keystones, so to speak.. is Honesty & Trust.. Now, Many a Dom and some subs are married and cheating on their spouse.. Think about it.. If they lie to there spouse, you know the one they took vows with.. will they lie to you.. Most likely they will.. Think about this.. is it worth finding out that safe word isn't worth crap when your tied to the bed and can do nothing about it? A safe word is only as good as the Doms word.. So beware, if their spouse don't know...

This is D/s. Oh, one more thing for you beginners. All submissives basically dominate from the bottom. This is a simple truth. Without the granting of permission from submissive (RE: the rules, and limits, if any) to Dominant nothing happens, and the submissive should choice the Dom, (RE: who she wishes to be submissive to..) NOT every Dom, Dick, and Harry.... OR is that every Dom with a Hairy Dick.. LOL...

Please understand that this information is for guidelines, where each D/s relationship is different.... It would be impossible, at best, to make all of these apply. Happy Sane... Safe and Consensual Journeys to you as you explore.
If you have any questions, please do ask me, as the only stupid ones, are the ones that you don't ask...
Your Romantic & Funny 'Dom Lite'...
SmartAzzSir AKA Richard

PS. MOST of these 'rules' we have all broken, JUST listen to you little voice, and follow it..