This entry is about my journey, the incredible man who has mastered me, my submission, my (bi) sexual desires, and my fears.

Tell me if you have similar feelings, needs, or can relate to any of this.  This is who I am.  Who are you?

My Journey:

I woke up this morning and found myself here.  Looked back over the last few months. An amazing emotional transition has taken place and it is such a complete and total departure from my history.  In November of 2008 I was coexisting in a marriage of many years with a man who was unfaithful.  I was the dutiful housewife caring for my children.

Physical affection was no longer a part of my marriage, and my strong libido found its release only in my private moments.  I was romantically lonely, and in denial. 

An open discussion in an internet chat room (about trivia of all things) I read an offhanded reference to something called a “submissive” and my curiosity about this subject of which I relatively knew nothing, brought me to Collarme.com. 

I read many profiles, some interesting, most not so.  Curiosity and eroticism got the best of me and I posted a profile (with virtually nothing on it) in order to chat and learn more. 

I was stunned that messages in the hundreds began to pour into my inbox from my single non- descript post.  Men.  All men…with all sorts of greetings, sayings, clever and not so clever, the rude, the polite, the cut-and-paste intros, an overwhelming overload of input, the kind that works against any particular and single focus.  How can men handle all of this competition?  It must be difficult to be constantly in sexual pursuit.  It is much easier to be a passive female I think.

I chatted with a couple of these men.  How foolish they came off I thought, wanting me to be on my knees when I hardly even knew their screen names.  So the possibility of me, as a submissive, didn’t get much of my interest. It left my eroticism wanting and I was about to give up on my curiousity. 

My Dom (my Daddy):

Then I ran across him…I read his writing and it spoke to me.  It made me smile, made me think, and it made him stand out…Again curiousity got the best of me, and I wanted to know more.  We traded some messages…. and I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  One thing lead to another and…

I don’t know exactly when it happened, maybe about the time we started to actually talk, but I fell for him in a very big way… even before ever seeing him in the flesh.  I think because I got to know him first without all the white noise that surrounds most relationships.   And now, somehow, someway, whenever he wants to, he can speak to me in a way that makes me melt.  And I always find myself, lusting and wanting more.

I never really refer to him as “Master” and if I did, he’d probably laugh.  He often makes light of the protocols of this so called lifestyle.  I love his magic combination of true self confidence with a touch of twinkle in his eye arrogance, that draws me to him. 

I discovered that he’s my Daddy, and he treats me like the little girl I have always longed to be.  How naughty!

My Submission:

Sometimes, I bristle at the thought of being obedient.  But I have to admit, when I do submit, it is when I am the happiest.  Why is that?  I’m still trying to figure it out.  I know this, though.  No one else but this man could get me to behave. 

My Sexual Desires:

This is so weird.  Never before have I ever thought about being with a woman, but now I can’t get it out my mind.  I mean, just thinking about it makes me hot.  Go figure?  I meet a sexy man, and all of a sudden, I want to do it with another girl.  I guess it’s because Daddy’s acceptance has given me permission to explore the recesses of my mind.  So, if I might be so brave as to admit, I very badly want to touch your sweet girl parts…with my Daddy watching.  Something I thought I never would like, never mind lust after.

My Fears: 

I often wonder when the time comes, if I can really do it.  I'm really very shy.  Admitting my bi-sexual desires to myself is a very scary thing.  It’s so different than the person that I have envisioned myself as, for so many years. I often wonder if there is anything wrong with me?   I hope not… because the twinge that I get when I think of my bi-sexuality along with my Daddy, is a pleasure that is very hard to ignore.