MsPiNKiE

Vacation has begun. In Traralgon visiting family. Leaving in a few days and heading to Canberra. Wondering what kind of kinky fun i'm in for once we are no longer around family! :)

Going on vacation in 13 days!!! We're going to Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, and Gold Coast. Lots of new stuffs to see and explore! I'm so excited!

I am home... back in my loving husband's arms... surrounded by family and friends... and happy!!!

So Santa didn't exactly bring me what I wanted this year, but I like what he did bring so much better.

I'M GOING HOME!!!

My plane leaves Feb 12th and I arrive in Oz on Feb 14th.

Best present ever!!!

I am currently living as a domestic slave, and Sir and his wife are so wonderful to me! They plan to keep me here until I can rejoin my husband/Master in Australia.  Unfortunately Sir is headed off to Afghanistan soon for 5 months, and is currently off at some kind of training school. He will get to come home for Christmas, so we will get one more play session before he leaves. I just don't know if I'll be going back to Oz before he gets home.

 So I have a Master that I can talk to on Skype, and a Sir that beats me and flogs me and bites me, but I don't get to fuck either one of them.  I am in such desparate need of a good fuck! I know what I'm asking Santa for this year!!!

Thank you Master for the 2 dozen long-stemmed red roses and teddy bear for my birthday! I look forward to getting my spankings when I get home!

SO in 2 days I will be turning 40!!! It's so hard to believe!!! It seems like just a few short years ago I was in high school, wondering what to choose for a career and worrying if  I'd ever get married or not. If I could write a letter to that mixed-up teen, I'd tell her what an adventure lies ahead of her! I've met people from all walks of life, traveled to some pretty cool places, and seen some very amazing things. There's been twists and turns, potholes and detours, and even a few dead ends on the road of life that I have traveled, but when I look at where I've been, where I am, and where I am going, I left awestruck. I can only hope the next 40 years of my life are as long and full... and all of them shared with Master and filled with his love!

Last night i was flogged into subspace. I had forgotten what a wonderful feeling that is! And the marks on my back sting with every little move, reminding me of last night's pleasure. This seems to be becoming a regular weekend event.. and i am NOT complaining!

This has been such a wonderful weekend! Friday night I went to a workshop about floggers and learned quite a bit of useful information. Saturday got to be the willing victim for a local Dom to practice what he learned at the workshop. Tonight I got to speak to my loving husband. And I still have yummy marks on my back and shoulders to remind me throughout the rest of the week of this wonderful weekend.

I am in such desperate need of a good flogging, spanking, or SOMETHING to send me into subspace followed by a damn good fuck!!! Being so far from my husband for so long is the worst torture ever!

For many years I have been the kind of girl men want to fuck, but not the kind of girl they consider having a relationship with. Although I do enjoy sex, enjoy knowing men find me attractive, there is so much more to me that goes unexplored. I am so grateful my loving husband has taken the time to get know more about me than just how good I am in bed. Love you, honey!

My loving husband, MandorDarkblade, and I met here on Collarme in a chatroom. I flew to Australia twice and  spent over a year's time with Him, marrying Him before having to return to the US. While waiting for my Partner Visa so I can rejoin my husband and continue to build a life with Him, I am living in Abilene, TX with my brother and his family. Sir and I have an open relationship, as we are both very honest and trust each other completely. We are both always looking to meet others in the lifestyle to exchange ideas with and chat with, and if there is mutual interest, even open to play sessions with others. If you'd like to know more about me, or just want to make a new friend, feel free to send me or Mandor (or both) a message.

Changing my profile, but wanted to save the old blurb:

Testicle Drainage Technician Seeks Full Time Position:
 
***At the present time, I am only looking for friends. (Nov 10, 2009)***

Now that I have your attention, let me tell you a bit about myself!

I like to flirt, and have a sense of humor.? I can be a bit cheeky at times, but also know when it is appropriate to hold my tongue. There is a lil gurl in me that often likes to come out and play.? I have an enormous appetite for sex, but an even bigger heart. Be warned, asking me twenty questions about what I like in bed right off the bat will quickly get you on the ignore list as I am intelligent and caring as well as sexy.

I am looking for something real, long-term, and lasting, but going to play until I find it.? I am not willing to make any quick commitments - trust takes time.

I have self-induced amnesia.? This means Yes, I have a past, but No, I do not want to discuss it.? Who?I was before being introduced to the lifestyle has little bearing on who I am evolving into now.? It is not the road that led me to this point that is of importance, but the road I wish to travel down from this point.

I am not looking for "the One" but rather the one that is right for me.? As a submissive, I need guidance, structure, and discipline; a teacher and a?protector.??
I have many gifts to offer along with my servitude.

I am looking to relocate, and soon, but I'm not expecting you to empty your wallet to make this possible. Also, please realize I have a Malamute puppy I am not willing to part with - it is a package deal.

I can often times be found chatting in Passion for Submission.

Had a great time last night!  Many people complimented me on my "One Night Stand" costume (picture has been added to my profile if you are curious).  I didn't win the costume contest, but did get a few free drinks and a great kiss from a beautiful woman!

There is a part of me that comes across so together, intelligent, determined, and mature. Inside, I feel like a five year old, scared and unsure.  I want to run and hide from the world and from myself all at the same time, but know this will solve nothing.  Need to feel strong arms wrapped around me, hear that everything will be ok, and trust that it is true, but do not have that option in my life at this time.  Want someone to love me for more than just the slut in me, but don't feel good enough.  After all, how can someone see me as a princess and a slut?  And why would anyone want to be with someone who feels so weak and insecure? 

One day at a time....  sounds so easy, doesn't it?

Wishing I had a crystal ball tonight!  Would make it so much easier to get through the "get to know you phase!" 

THE LADY AND THE TRAMP

            She took one last look in the mirror, finally satisfied with her hair and makeup, or has she had grown accustomed to calling it, ?Her Mask.?  She turned out the bathroom light and returned to her bedroom.  She picked up the little black dress she chose for tonight?s outing that lay on the bed and stepped into it.  She then sat at the foot of the bed and adorned her black stilettos, careful not to let the small buckle on the ankle straps snag her smoky black hose, then went to her dresser to choose tonight?s jewelry from her jewelry box. With earrings, necklace, and bracelet in place, the transformation was complete.

            Accustomed to wearing more casual attire most of her life, hiding behind it her lack of self confidence, she felt a bit awkward all dressed up, and not quite herself.  But she also felt sexier and more attractive, although not as sure of herself.  But it was His wish that she join Him for dinner at a fancy restaurant, and she was to dress appropriately, and she did not want to disappoint Him.

            He rang the doorbell, arriving promptly at seven, as previously discussed.  She opened the door to find Him dressed in a very nice black suit, white shirt, and crimson colored tie, holding a single red rose, which He quickly offered to her.  As she reached out to take it from His hand, He took her hand into His and said ?You look like a princess, my pet.?  She could feel her cheeks grow warm as she blushed.  ?Shall we?? He asked, ready to walk her to the car.  He held open the car door, and she seated herself, but before closing the door, He paused, wanting to drink in her beauty once more.

            He could tell she was a bit uncomfortable as they drove to the restaurant, so held her hand the entire drive there and refrained from conversation, allowing her to just enjoy the soft music coming from the radio.  Every once in a while He would turn and wink and smile at her, trying to set her at ease.

            Once at the restaurant, He escorted her in, walking with her hand wrapped around His left arm and held with His right hand.  Once seated at their table, she picked up the menu and began looking it over.  She tried not to let her amazement at the prices show, but as He sat watching her, the light from the candles on the table dancing off her face, He leaned towards her and said, ?Order whatever you would like, pet.?  She raised her head, her eyes meeting His, and nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed once again.  After a few moments He asked if she had made up her mind, and she told Him what she had settled on.  ?Are you sure that is all you want?  You can have anything you like.?  She assured Him she was happy with her choice, closed her menu, and set it off to the side of the table.  

     The waiter came over to greet them and take their order.  So as not to appear as nervous and uncomfortable as she felt, she folded her hands in her lap and waited for Him to order.  He told the waiter what He would like, then what she had asked for, but then asked  the waiter if he would first please bring the lady the chef?s specialty, as He had a feeling she would enjoy it a bit more.  The waiter looked to her for her approval, and could see she was a bit angered, not knowing what she might served. But He placed his hand on the waiter?s, regaining his attention, and nodded, saying ?Just bring it.  It will be ok.?  The waiter agreed to do as asked, and left to place their order.  He then looked to her.  ?Trust me, my pet.  I?m sure it will be to your liking.? 

She did trust him, more than she had ever trusted anyone.  Never before had she been disappointed by anything he had asked her to try, whether it was a new experience, or way of handling a problem.  He somehow knew her better and what was best for her better than she knew herself.   He pushed her limits, but never any further than she could handle.  He took her places, in mind, body, and spirit she never imagined she could go.  He could set her body ablaze with just a simple touch, and take her to heights she had never before reached, and bring her back with just as much skill and care.  Together they explored all her wildest fantasies, within the confines of His dungeon, satisfying her sluttish needs and His crave for control.  

It was there, in the dungeon, she felt most comfortable.  She did not need clothes to feel sexy but just His attentions, and possibly those of any others that joined them.  She enjoyed the pleasures of the pain inflicted on her body in so many creative ways as His words added to the excitement.  She savored the exhilaration of His friends using her as well, and the more the merrier.  She never felt as alive as when she was bound and helpless, completely at His mercy.  She was quite comfortable with the trampy side of herself. 

It was the other side of her, the one He wanted to present in public, with which she was struggling; the one that was supposed to be confident, elegant, poised, and always a lady.  Not that she wasn?t capable of handling herself this way, she just never quite felt comfortable doing so.  She hadn?t had much practice at it.  Growing up she was a bit of a tom-boy, enjoying sports, guns, and trucks more than the girly dolls, pretty clothes, and makeup.  And it didn?t help that her family wasn?t very well off.  Now, as an adult, it was time to put away childish toys and behaviors.  In doing so, she was forced to leave her comfort zone. 

Although He truly enjoyed the slut she could be while in His dungeon, He wanted to bring out the Princess in her, and show her just how beautiful she actually was.  Help her learn to be comfortable in any social setting.  Teach her to love herself both inside and out.  Bring her to realize she was worthy of attention, and not just His, and not just for sexual use.  Build her self-image.  Let her see that she does deserve better than second rate and can achieve it.  Once she learned and accepted all these things, He will have achieved His greatest accomplishment in life.

THE PUNISHMENT ? PART 2

            She stood up slowly, her legs almost void of feeling from kneeling so long, her head still hung low, hands still folded behind her back, and left the room to take a shower, deciding instead to draw herself a bath.  The warm water soothed her aching knees and stinging back.  She slowly washed her face, then placed the washcloth across her eyes and sunk further into the water.  How could I have been so stupid? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What?s wrong with me?  Now I have to sleep alone instead of curled up in his arms.  And I think my back hurts now? How?s it going to feel tomorrow night after 50 floggings? O God! I better make damn sure I don?t screw up any more tomorrow.  And make sure my essay is the best he?s ever read or there?s no telling how much more punishment he will impose. Stupid!  She felt horrible, and the warm waters of the bath were not relaxing her as much as she had hoped.  So she quickly washed her hair and got out and emptied the tub.  She wrapped herself in a towel and went to the guest bedroom to try to sleep. 

            When she awoke in the morning, she found a note taped to the bathroom mirror.

I have changed your password for the computer just in case you thought you could get away with using it without my knowledge. And a friend of mine shall be joining you for lunch today to make sure you do not take more than thirty minutes, but she will be bringing your meals with her to save you the trouble of having to prepare something on such short notice.  Her name is Sarah. Treat her well.

She removed the note from the mirror and took it to office.  She carefully placed it in a folder with all the other notes he had written her, and then put the folder back in its drawer.  After a quick breakfast, she dressed and began her daily chores, paying close attention to detail. Sarah arrived promptly at twelve, lunch in hand. The two sat at the dining room table, enjoying their meal and some good conversation.  She learned Sarah had also received his training at one time.  They ended their lunch promptly at twelve thirty, and she went back to doing her chores, but Sarah stayed a bit longer as she enjoyed the conversation.  Once her chores were completed she started working on her essay before starting dinner.

He returned home from work a bit early to make sure she had behaved, followed her rules, and written her essay, even though Sarah had called him to assure him she was staying on task and obeying the rules. He was quite pleased to find the essay already awaiting him on the dining room table although dinner was not quite ready.  As she toiled in the kitchen cooking his meal, he sat at the table and began to read.  As he perused her words he couldn?t help but smile just a bit.  Not only did she clearly understand what she did wrong and why, she also had a beautiful and elegant way with words, and so he enjoyed reading anything and everything she wrote.  She truly had a gift. 

            Just as he had finished reading her essay a second time, she joined him in the dining room and served him his dinner.  After placing his plate before him, she turned to go back into the kitchen and wait for him to finish so that she may then have her meal afterwards.  He grabbed her by the hand and she stopped in her tracks.  ?Tonight you will dine with me so that we may discuss your essay.?  She nodded, and he let go of her hand.  She quickly went to the kitchen and returned with her plate, seating herself across from him. ?I am impressed with your essay, especially the apology at the end.  I just hope it was not added in a meager attempt to avoid your flogging.?

            ?No, Sir, it was not.  I disobeyed and deserve your punishment, Sir.? She had hoped he might reduce the number, but knew she was not going to completely get out of it.

            ?Then I accept your apology.  And I hope we will not have this problem again.?  He took a bite of his dinner.  ?Did you enjoy Sarah?s visit today?? She nodded, not wanting to speak with food in her mouth.  ?Well, maybe I will let her come visit you again, once your punishment is over that is.?  He could see a smile forming on her face. ?She seemed to enjoy your company, and reported that you behaved quite well today during her visit, not allowing her to distract you from your chores.  I am quite pleased that you passed my test.?  She stopped chewing for a moment, a bit perturbed.  She thought the only reason Sarah had stayed so long was because she enjoyed the conversation.  She never once realized it was a test, and felt a bit betrayed.  Seeing the look on her face, he continued. ?Yes, I asked Sarah to join you for lunch to make sure you did not exceed your allowed time, but also to try to distract you.  She said you were quite polite about excusing yourself for needing to get your chores done but offering to still talk with her if she wanted to follow you and watch.  And she said you were very adamant about not letting her help you with your chores so that you might finish a bit quicker.  I was very happy to hear this.  However, after you have finished your dinner and cleaned the kitchen, you will meet me in the training room for your flogging.  How many was it again? 100??  He watched her nearly choke at the number and chuckled before correcting himself.  ?I?m just teasing.  I know it?s to only be 50.?  She breathed a sigh of relief, as 50 would be more than enough. If she had to endure 100 she might never recover.

            Once they had finished their meal, she retreated to the kitchen to wash the dishes, knowing without being told not to take too long or it might mean more punishment.  Once the dishes were all put away, counters cleaned, and floor swept, she joined him in the training room, where stood with flogger in hand ready to begin.  She took her place in the middle of the floor, kneeling without her usual pillow, and crossed her arms behind her back.  She enjoyed his floggings during times of training but knew this time would be much different.  This time would not be in the least bit pleasurable and it made her nervous.  ?Good girl.  I see you know your place without having to be told.  Are you ready to begin?? She nodded and answered respectfully.  She just wanted to get it over with quickly and be done with it.  ?As this sis punishment, you are not allowed to use your safe word.  However, if I feel you have endured enough and cannot safely withstand any more, I will stop.  I do want you to learn a lesson and suffer a bit, but not feel abused.  So I can determine and gauge how you are doing, I want you to count each flogging clearly. Let?s begin.?  The first strike with the flogger was not as bad as last nights, and she easily counted off one.  The next four were a bit harder, but still not as bad as last nights.  Each grew a bit harder and harder, and seemed to come quicker and quicker.  By the time he reached twenty, she could feel the tears building up in her eyes. By thirty she was having a hard time counting and not sure if she could withstand any more.  By forty his strikes were so solid they nearly knocked her over, yet he continued. Finally came number fifty and she was sobbing uncontrollably, but never once asked him to stop.  Pleased that she had taken her medicine without complaining or falling out on him, he hung the flogger on its hook on the wall then stood in front of he. She hung her head and continued crying, but still remained in position.  He reached out and stroked her soft hair before taking her head between both of his hands and lifting her face so she could see his.  ?Good girl.  I am so very proud of you.  You took that well.?  He kissed the top of her head. ?I hope you have learned your lesson and we do not have to do this again.?  She was beginning to calm a bit and replied, ?No, Sir, I have learned my lesson.? He smiled, as he was sure she was telling the truth.  ?Why don?t you go run yourself a hot bath? Afterwards, you may join me for some TV time if you wish.? 

THE PUNISHMENT

                She knelt on the cold hard floor, without her usual pillow, her head hung low, and her hands clasped together behind her back, as he encircled her, flogger in hand.  He walked around her over a dozen times without saying a word, his lengthy silence only adding to the torture of the growing pain in her knees.  ?Please, say something.   Anything!  Go ahead and yell at me,? she thought.  She could hear his breath, his every step, and her heart pounding in her own chest.  He circled her once more, then stopped short in front of her, and finally spoke.

?Why are we here?? he asked, his tone so cold.  Her mind began racing, searching for the correct answer, but she had no idea what it was that she had done wrong.  Displeased that she had not answered quickly enough, he took her by the hair and yanked her head up so her face met his. Again, though more sternly, he asked, ?Why are we here?!?  She tried not whimper under his strong grasp, and felt the tears welling up in her eyes as a lump grew in her throat.

?I do not know, Sir,? she half-whispered. His grip on her hair tightened, forcing her head back even further.

?What was that? I could not hear you! Speak up when you answer me! ?

She quickly squeaked out her answer through the pain. ?Yes Sir. I said I do not know, Sir.? A single tear escaped her eye, slowly making its way down her cheek and settling in the corner of her lips.

?You do not know.  I see.? He released his grasp on her hair, pushing her head back down to face the floor. ?You do not know,? he repeated.  The tears began running more freely from her eyes, falling to the floor before her.  ?Then maybe we should go back over the rules once more so you can figure it out, since you do not know why we are here.? 

?The rules? The rules? But I haven?t broken any of the rules!? she thought. ?I was up on time this morning. I was in bed on time last night. I did my daily chores today twice just make sure they were done properly this time. Dinner was served on time. I washed all the dishes. I did not speak unless spoken to and always addressed him as Sir. What rule could I have possibly broken??

He began to pace in front of her, flogger still in hand.  ?State the rules I have set forth for you thus far.  And be sure to speak clearly enough that I can hear each and every one!?

She swallowed hard, then quickly began listing the rules.  ?You are always to be addressed as Sir. I am only to speak when spoken to, never of my own volition. I am to dust, sweep and mop or vacuum all floors, make the beds, wash, dry, and put away all dishes after each meal, wash, dry, fold, and put away all dirty clothes as needed, cook dinner and serve it at exactly six o?clock, be in bed by 10 o?clock every night, be awake and out of bed by 8 o?clock every morning, dress only in clothes approved by Sir, and keep myself clean, shaven, and always presentable every day, Sir.?  

He stopped in his tracks as soon as she finished.  ?Are you sure that is all of them?? he asked as if implying she had left one out.

?Yes, Sir, that is all of them,? she answered.  She now began to wonder if she had indeed forgotten something.  Was there another rule she had failed to mention and follow?

He began pacing in front of her again. ?You seem so sure of your answer.  So tell me, did you follow all the rules today?? 

?Yes, Sir, I did not forget any of them today.? She began sobbing, unable to fathom what she may have done to upset him.

?Well, then, if this is so true,? he taunted,? If you have indeed followed all the rules today, again I ask why we are here??

Her sobs grew louder as her body trembled in fear.  ?I do not know, Sir! Please tell me!?  She was desperately searching for an answer as to why she was facing punishment.

He stopped in front of her once more.  ?Look at me,? he commanded.  She raised her head so as to look him in the eyes, her face stained by her melting makeup, her eyes red, and her nose beginning to run.  He took her chin into the palm of his free hand and squeezed her cheeks.  ?Have we not also discussed those activities which you are allowed to do in your free time?? She nodded as best as she could. ?And did we not agree that you were to only use your computer once all your chores were completed??  Again she nodded. ?Then why is it that when I went to log into our joint email account, I found you sent out an email at 12:30 today?  Do you mean to tell me you have become so proficient at doing your chores that you are able to complete them before your lunch time? If this is the case I can surely find more things to add to the chore list.? She shook her head no.  ?Explain to me then why you were even on the computer during your allowed lunch hour.?  He let go of her face and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting to hear her excuse.

?Sir, I only logged onto the computer to look up a recipe for dinner. Sir has said I am allowed to do this. But I could not find the recipe so I sent an email to my friend asking her to please send me the recipe since she is the one who gave it to me the first time, Sir. I did not think Sir would mind since it was not taking away from time that was to be spent doing chores.?

Again he stood in silence, mulling over in his head her pitiful excuse. Again she wished he would speak.  But as the seconds turned to minutes, she closed her eyes, wanting all this to just be over with.  That?s when she felt the flogger across her back.  She was sobbing so deep she had not noticed he had walked behind her.  He finally spoke once again. ?Since when are you allowed to assume that breaking any of the rules is ok? Since when are you allowed to decide what I will be ok with?  And since when are you allowed to think?  Did it not cross your mind that maybe, just maybe, you should have called me and asked for permission?  Did it not cross your mind that maybe you should have chosen something else to cook for dinner? Either of these would have been acceptable.?  He took a long deep breath to calm himself before continuing as she sobbed, her knees aching, and her back stinging.  ?You could have at least told me you were on the internet during your lunch hour and explained why you felt it was ok instead of me finding out on my own.  We have discussed, and at great length I might add, how omitting the facts is the same as lying.  And we have discussed why it is so very important that we do not lie.  If we do not have trust, how can we have respect?? He drew in another long deep breath, and then a second.  ?I do not like having to punish you, and you know this. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you.  But if I do not, how will you learn? But I do not want to let my anger interfere and hurt you more than you deserve.  So I will not be punishing you any more tonight with the flogger.  However, you are not off the hook by any means.  For the next week, you will have no computer privileges what so ever.  And, you are to write an essay explaining what it is you did wrong, and why it was wrong. And I don?t want to hear ?because I said so? either!  I want it completed by the time I get home from work, waiting on the dining room table along with my dinner, so I suggest you get your chores done quickly tomorrow.  And, your lunch time will be reduced to only thirty minutes for the next week. And tomorrow night, when I am a bit calmer, after I have read your essay and discussed it with you, I shall be giving you 50 floggings.  Do you understand me??

Nodding, she answered, ?Yes, Sir, I understand, Sir.? 

?Good.  I think maybe you should go get yourself ready for bed now, as do not wish to see you the rest of the night.  And tonight you are to sleep in the guest room, not my bed.  You do not deserve to sleep in my bed tonight.  Now go.?

THE BEACH

Her drive had been an extremely long one, but as each mile passed, she let go of another stressing thought.  This vacation was a gift to herself for all the hard work she had done in the last year.  She arrived at the beach early in the morning, finding the sky overcast and the temperature quite cool, and the beach empty of people.  She parked her car, got out, and locked it, taking only her keys with her.  She removed her shoes, and carrying them in her hand, stepped onto the sands she had long dreamt of walking through.  Surprisingly she found the sand to be quite warm and much softer than she had anticipated.  She rolled up her pants legs and headed for the water, wanting to the feel the ocean's wetness washing over her as she strolled.  The water was icy cold, and sent shivers through her body as the waves rolled in past her.  She took in a long, slow deep breath, enjoying the cool and refreshing ocean air.  For the first time in a long time she felt a sense of peace.  The soft crashes of the rolling waves, a few seagulls calling to each other, and the whispers of the winds were a welcome change from all the loud noises of the city where she lived.
     She walked a for a long time, simply enjoying the calmness, not paying attention to where she was headed or how far she had gone, but focusing only on each step and the beauty of the sea's treasures washed to shore around her.  Sand dollars and seashells scattered along her path, each different sizes and colors and shapes; seaweed and other plant life she had no idea what was, but still wondrous; she imagined how they must have traveled distances equal to her own, only to end up on the same shore as she. 
     She soon found herself close to a pier, jetting out like an arm into the ocean.  As she walked beneath it, she decided it would be a good place to stop and sit for a spell.  She noticed how the beams holding up the pier were not more than her arms' span apart.  Evil thoughts entered her mind, and she grinned.  How wonderful it would be to have someone strip her naked, tie her arms and legs to the beams, and whip her body with a wet piece of seaweed.  How her nipples would stand on end in the cool air.  How erotic it would be to have her skin scratched with bits of broken shells.  The slut in her laughed as she realized there was not any place she couldn't see herself enjoy being used.  She found it amusing that just some short months earlier she would probably be dreaming of a small campfire, and a single sleeping bad for her and the man of her dreams, but her romantic thoughts have all but been replaced with those of her desire to submit.  Instead of dreaming of hand-held walks and to make love in the sand, she dreamt of being led on all fours on a leash through the wake, and of being fisted and beaten, and sucking salty ocean-washed cock, as it would be more punishing than just sucking a sweaty cock.   Yes, she truly has transformed.

The Bar

She walked into the bar 10 minutes before closing time, dressed in a short tight skirt, a tiny halter top, and her thigh-high boots.  She ordered her usual double Jack and Coke in a tall glass, paid the bartender, making sure to tip him well, and then headed to the back of the bar.  She put a set of quarters in the pool table, although that was not the real game she wanted to play.  As she racked the balls, she scanned the room, noting there were only a few people left in the bar.  Once the balls were racked, she lit a cigarette, took a sip of her drink, and sat down on a bar stool.  The bartender yelled to her, "We?re closing soon, Miss, so your game will have to be a quick one."  She nodded, but had no intentions of going anywhere anytime soon.  She took another sip of her drink, all the while keeping her eyes on the door.  Then He entered.  He walked straight to the end of the bar and motioned for the bartender.  As He spoke to the bartender, He placed a hundred dollar bill in the tip jar. The bartender listened to Him, nodding the whole while. When He was done speaking, He shook the bartender's hand and smiled.  She sat on her barstool, smoking her cigarette and sipping her drink, watching Him the entire time He spoke with the bartender. Upon seeing His smile, she too smiled, for she knew what was going to happen next.  The bartender walked to his register, locked it, then told the other customers he was closed and it was time for them to leave.  The bartender walked them to the door, and left the same time as they did, locking the door behind himself.  That is when He got up from where He was sitting and made His way to the back of the bar, where she waited anxiously for Him. He walked up to her, grabbing her hair at the nape of her neck, and yanked, asking, "So how is my little slut tonight?"  Gasping under His grip, she answered, "I am good, Master."  He pulled her to her feet by her hair and replied, "We shall see how good you are, Bitch! On your knees and suck my cock. NOW!"  She dropped to her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his already hard cock and began sucking it, her painted lips sliding up and down Him as her soft tongue worked its magic.  "That's a good Bitch."  He allowed her to continue just long enough to tease her, knowing her pussy was getting jealous for not receiving any attention itself as His cock was being pleasured by her warm moist mouth.  He ordered her to stand as he grabbed her by her tits and pulled her to her feet once more.  He pulled the string of her top and yanked her top down, exposing her breasts in their fullness. How He loved her large nipples and areolas, and bent down to bite the right one.  She again gasped, the pain being just as pleasurable as hurt she felt.  He grinned, then picked her up by the waist and set her forcefully down on the pool table.  She sat still as he walked over to the wall and grabbed a pool cue.  "I want you on your knees, Slut, your ass facing Me."  She did as she was told, answering, "Yes, Master," excited and nervous for she was not sure what He planned to do with the pool cue. Was she about to be beaten? Or fucked with it? And if fucked with it, which hole would He choose to fuck?  Or did He have something else entirely in mind?  That is when she felt His hand slap her ass so hard she almost fell over.  "I know you are trying to figure out what I am doing. It is not your place to think, cunt."  He knew her too well. "Yes, Master. I am sorry, Master."  He slid the pool cue underneath her, and held it against her, pulling her ass closer to Him. "I was going to lick your pussy, but I don't think you deserve it now. What do you think, slut?" She chose her words careful as she answered, "Master, it is not my place to think."  Pleased with her answer, He put the pool cue down on the table and gently kissed her back.  Then he picked up one of the pool balls, looking it over, and said, "I wonder how this ball would look inside your wet pussy. Do you think it will fit in there, cunt?" Again she replied, "Master, it is not my place to think."  Again he was pleased with her answer. "Good girl. You are learning. I give you permission to think and tell Me if you think this ball will fit in your pussy."  Knowing that her pussy was very tight, even after all the times His enormous cock had fucked it, she replied, "Master, I do not think it will fit in my pussy, although the idea does sound good."  He chuckled. "Would you like me to try to get this ball in your pussy?  Or would you rather have My dick in there? The choice is yours."  She answered without hesitation. "Master, I would rather have Your dick in my pussy." He had teased her enough. "On your back, whore, and make sure your skirt does not block My view. I want your legs spread and your knees up."  She rolled over and lay down on her back, her nipples hard with anticipation; her legs spread, knees up, exposing all her juiciness for Him.  He climbed up on the table over top of her, began caressing her breasts, with his hands, before forcing his cock inside of her. "We only have an hour, little one. That is all the bartender would give us.  And when I am done with you, he wants his turn. If he is pleased with you, tomorrow you will have the whole bar taking turns with you. Understand?" She smiles. "Yes, Master. I understand. Thank you Master."  He thrusts. "I told you, I will make all your fantasies come true if you are a good girl for Me." 

Love is such a cruel creature. It makes us do the most idiotic things in its name.  And the worst part is that although it may be felt on one side, that does not guarantee it is felt on the other side.  I once wrote a poem about it. Feels like a good time to share it!


LOVE

A short happy break
from the pain and sorrow
of reality.


Someday I will be brave enough to have this tattooed on me!

I?ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching today.  I did a very stupid thing this weekend and feel quite a bit of shame for it. Without going into a lot of detail, I will just say that my Nymphomania got the better of me - partly because I had been drinking; partly because I am sure something was slipped into one of my drinks; partly because I was in pain; partly because I still have not learned how to say no. And it is this last part that has haunted me my whole life.

Again, without going into a lot of details, as a child I was molested for many years by two different people, neither knowing of the other. And the first time I chose to have intercourse, when I was 16, when he first tried to enter me the pain was more than I could take.  I asked him to stop, but instead he pinned me down and raped me.  I have gotten counseling and have progressed quite far in the healing process, yet the lasting effects still haunt me.  I still have a hard time fighting off advances from men I am not interested in.  My body craves the same amount, if not more, sexual attention it has been conditioned to receiving. I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with nymphomania.  I have worked hard to learn how to control it and not let it control me.

I know that it is because of my past that I enjoy being submissive.  I am more comfortable taking directions than being in control when it comes to pleasing a man.  And I enjoy knowing that even though I am being beaten and used, it is by CHOICE not by force.  And I have the power to make it stop by calling a safe word.

It has taken me a long time to learn that sex does not equate love.  And even though I am searching for both, I fear I must deny one in order to have the other.  I want so much to find love, and settle down with just one man, and yet I have a hard time giving up my freedom. (The joys of being a Sagittarius!)

So much to consider??

I was supposed to have a play date this weekend, but he has not contacted me in days, and has not given me an address.
And my only vehicle broke down yesterday so I would not have been able to make the trip anyway.  So instead of being used this weekend, as I so excitedly had anticipated for over a week now, I sit at home, alone, with only my puppy for company. I crave a hard dick inside of me, a leather belt on my ass and back, my hands and feet bound as I am blindfolded, and being used for someone else's pleasure. I ache to be touched, teased, and tortured until I climax over and over. As much as I enjoy masturbation, it just does not fulfill my cravings, and actually just makes matters worse, for I am unable to reach orgasm without a hard cock in my wet pussy.  So I here sit?alone?and suffering.

My Take on Dating

Recently I have had to explain to a few friends why I have chosen "to play the field" rather than"settle down" with just one man. In an effort to help them understand, I have come up with this explanation, that may give you a bit more insight to me.

I have somewhat old-fashioned views on dating. I believe a person is supposed to go out on dates with several different people. This could be something as simple as the age-old dinner and a movie, or out to shoot pool, or to a party, or something more intimate as a home-cooked candlelit dinner, or just a nsa exchange of great sex.  It varies with each person as do my feelings for each.
The way I see it, men (for me, or woman for you men) are like ice cream. How do I know chocolate is my favorite if I don't try vanilla, strawberry, cookies and cream, or tin roof sundae? Some flavors only require one taste to form an opinion about. Others must be revisited before making a final judgement. Either way, I want to taste the rainbow before deciding which is my favorite....which one I want to settle into a long-term relationship with. 
What I find humorous is this is the way it used to be for most people. Somewhere, somehow, along the way this idea got lost. People started jumping into relationships with the first person they meet that they like. Six months later they get married, and two years down the line they wonder why they are getting divorced. Go figure!

Late Night Ramblings From A sub with Insomnia:    




My sexual preferences and interests need not be public knowledge regardless of my professional standing; that knowledge should only be shared with partners or potential partners. However, as I am part owner and the manager of a private club/bar, I do hold a position of respect with my customers and so must conduct myself accordingly while there as well as in public. Therefore must keep my identity a mystery, only to be reveiled to those I feel will not threaten my reputation, hence no publicly posted pictures. I have in the past been given a small taste of what I desire to feel on a much more regular basis, and more intensely. A door was cracked open, and I was allowed to peek inside, but now wish to thrust it open, turn on the lights, and discover what else lingers inside the place I once never knew existed within me.
I do not assume myself to be rather attractive, for in reality I do not think of myself as such. That is not to say that I feel completely unappealing, but I am honest with myself and know that my outer beauty feigns in comparison to most. It is for this reason that I find myself alone most nights, yearning to share my passion. However, I am quite aware that the packaging is often terribly misleading, for I know I possess an abundance of inner beauty waiting to be discovered.

I fear I am doomed to never be fully sexually satisfied. I possess an unquenchable hunger. Even if I were to surrender totally and completely to multiple men, I would suffer a lingering thirst for more. Such is the torture suffered by true nymphomaniacs.

To me being a Dom does not simply mean you get to beat, berate, belittle, and abuse your sub in any manner that pleases you, but should mean that you are in control, you make rules that are agreed upon (the sub may not like them, but must be able to tolerate them), you offer pleasure and pain and push the limits, but in a controlled sense, both physically and emotionally.  To me, the Dom should be someone that makes me feel safe, loved, and cared for; someone I can completely trust; someone I can be totally open and honest with. And because I respect him for being this person, I will do as he asks and then some so as to please him. I will tolerate things I don't particularly enjoy because I know that he does, but also know that if I please him, I will be rewarded. And if I displease him, or break a rule, I will be punished.
If I am incorrect in my thinking, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE set me straight!