jennileigh8182

I've met a dominant gentleman (not from this site) that I'm very interested in, and who is very interested in me, and things seem to be going well, so I am not looking at this time.

I know you're proud of your penis, but I don't want to see a picture of it.

You know, I was browsing profiles and something I've noticed time and again, and been asked just as often, jumped out at me:

Experience.

Ok.....in most cases, experience is great.  If I were looking for just a play partner, ok, I'd want some experience.  If I were looking for a professional, I'd want some experience.  But for a relationship?  Should I add that I have 4 years of marriage experience and 6 years of dating experience?  That'd look ridiculous.

I suppose the difference is simple.  I'm more interested in a relationship.  I don't want just a play partner.  In accordance with that, I prefer someone willing to explore with me, someone with patience and interest in trying new things, not just shoving me into the mold cast by their last sub.

Decided tonight to change my pic.  I have two tattoos, both easily hidden and tasteful, but this is my favorite of the two.  Besides being striking and beautiful, it has a very special meaning for me.  Not opposed to sharing the story, but neither do I want to just put it out there for every voyeur.  So...if you're interested, shoot me a message.

Taken from a message received tonight....

Velocity is force with direction

Looking for the one to provide my direction.

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."
— Anaïs Nin

Desired age-range adjusted...at the suggestion of a rather wise man.

The scrolling pics on the side sort of freaks my out.  Periodically, it throws up a picture of someone I'm familiar with....not someone I know in person, but someone I used to be friendly with in online chat.  However, I seriously doubt she'd be listing herself as an individual because she's been married to her dominant for a lot of years.

Man, if I were 20 years older, I'd be just SWIMMING in men.  Except, of course, that all the mid-40s+ would then be messaging the current late 20s women instead.  I tried to be thorough and state an age range in my profile, but hey, who reads those?

I really try not to judge the kinks of others....but either watersports has simply exploded as a kink lately and the majority are now into it (not including me!), or I just live in a hotbed for it.

Another year older...my age bracket shifts a bit.  Realized that I'm not so sure I want a real relationship.  I sort of like being single, having my space, but want someone to meet up regularly, someone to sate needs with, to dominate me, even to just go out and do stuff together at times.  Sort of a friends with benefits thing...

I was skimming through my copy of the Story of O last night and forgot how melancholy it always makes me!  I marveled anew at her deepening submission, at all she gave to Sir Stephen and how she came to love him, and then...  

My copy ends before the final chapter, choosing to suppress it and give only the final words: "In a final chapter, which has been suppressed, O returned to Roissy, where she was abandoned by Sir Stephen.  There exists a second ending to the story of O, according to which O, seeing that Sir Stephen was about to leave her, said she would prefer to die.  Sir Stephen gave her his consent."

How can that NOT make someone sad?  At first, I felt a bit cheated to miss out on a final chapter, but now, having read it a few times, I'm glad.  I don't think I want to read that heartbreak.  It's hard enough seeing the little postscript that says it occurred.  If the postscript can make me melancholy, I think the actual writing would have me in tears.

I grow more affected by books as I grow older.  I think this one stems from the fact that I admire O.  I admire how certain she is, how fearless in her desires.  I envy the intensity and certainty she had with Sir Stephen, but then it breaks my heart that she gives so much and is abandoned.

Ok, guys....be able to laugh!  If you can't joke around a little and take yourself a bit lightly, we are never going to get along.  I appreciate taking oneself seriously, because I do as well, but not to the point that I have a stick up my ass and go off the deep-end if someone misinterprets something I say as a joke.

It's another one of those days when i wonder if i'm actually able to do this.  Do i want something i'm incapable of giving?  Am i just too...inept, inadequate, unworthy?  i do a really great job at tearing myself down on my own, i don't need someone that thrives on doing so.  i need someone that can see when it's enough and then pick me back up, go for a positive, not push me further into despair.

Finally updated my profile...took me long enough to remember to do it!

Another lonely birthday passes...

But on another note, if you refuse to answer any questions I pose you, but continue to keep asking me questions, I'm probably going to think you're just fishing for information and possibly a scammer.

I hate coming off as a bitch, but...why should I take someone seriously that can't fill out at least a paragraph in their profile about themselves and what they're looking for?  "seeking a sub or slave to serve me" is really pretty vague.  It makes me want to pretend to be about 80 years old, 600lbs, with about 4 teeth, and incontinent to see if they are really that un-choosy in what they're looking for.

Still looking for that dominant man, and the loneliness is becoming oppressive.  i'm looking for a man who is dominant, but doesn't believe that dominance and caring are mutually exclusive....someone who knows what phrases like "mutually exclusive" mean!...one who can be firm when needed, then provide the shoulder to cry on when it's needed...one who will push me to grow and better myself, but never make me feel like i'm not good enough as i am.