There is nothing move invigorating than swimming naked in a heated salt water pool in February while snow falls on your head. If that sounds interesting to you, then lets go to Oasis for some play and then a swim.
I have been in the kink lifestyle on and off for the past 25 years and have acquired a vast set of skills. I will say right up front, I am more of a Daddy Dom than a controlling Dom. I prefer that dynamic in a Ds relationship as well as a romantic relationship. That does not mean that I can not be strict, it only means that I more into the nurturing than the discipline, but using my floggers can be fun. Even when in a relationship, I am not particularly interested in having a 247 TPE.
I can sometimes ask a sub playmate to push their personal limits, but I will always respect Hard Limits. At this time, I am primarily seeking Friendships with the possibility of developing them further, with the understanding that the most important part is the friendship. My Philosophy is that there are those who want to just live and then there are those who want to explore. Making the most of what we have and finding new ways of enjoying it are very important. As my journey continues I realize that even after 15 years in the local kink community,I still have much more to learn about the many aspects of BDSM (I will never stop learning).
I have met some good friends in the community and look to them for advice, guidance and the new things I can learn from them. I have always believed the day you stop learning is the day you die. When someone tells me they are an expert and there is nothing more for them to learn, I have to wonder what they are missing out on. I also believe that, just like power, trust is given not taken.
You can not ask for power or trust, someone offers it to you. Similarly, submission is not something a Dom can expect or demand, it is a special gift that is given by a sub to a Dom. I have vanilla interests as well as kink. I primarily seek partners who are comfortable with my vanilla interests as well as my kink. I believe open communications and trust within a Ds dynamic are very important and must be there first.
If you are just passing by and not looking at me as your new Do, I am always interested in talking to people about commissioned photo shoots or even doing Free shoots that and add a new faces to my portfolio (I have different portfolios for various different clientele. My Kink Portfolio is only on Fetlife). Any photos we do together are yours and I will not post any without expressed written permission or only those that you are not comfortable with. I have spent too many years building up trust in the local scene to blow it by posting photos a model does not agree to having posted.
I welcome meeting friends from all over and talking, but ideally I am looking to meet in person friends that are local. If I have contacted you about doing photos together, please do not interpret that that as an end run to get you as a sub, I work hard at keeping my photography and my kink as separate as possible, unless of coarse I tell you that I am interested in you as a muse. Some of my photography work is on my FL profile (MasterPhotographer).
I am open minded and open in my interests, regardless of gender or gender identity. With that being said, I am also not interested is random sex (but random cuddles sessions are ok).
I am not a fan of selfies, not because I am a photographer, but because what some of my female friends have told me. According to some of my female friends, there is a number of males who prey upon women who do selfies because they believe them to be easier targetets. Lets stop that! I am not saying this is a woman's problem, Men who are real have to step up and say that predators are not welcome anywhere. Woman are not raped because what they wear, Men rape because they were not told by friends and family that it is WRONG. No more woman blaming, it is time that rapists were told that just because you have a penis, does not mean everyone wants it.
I am learning that I love to grab the hair of a lover, even those who are vanilla. there are things we do in our love making that we think are part of our kink, but they are also things that vanillas like too. They just do not talk about it or tell people they like it. So I talked to some vanilla friends and they even told me that they love when a man grabs their hair during sex. This took me by surprise. I thought only kinky girls liked this. They explained that it was nothing to do with kinky or not, it was an endorfin rush that just happened.
What did i learn... even vanilla girls like a little kink even if they do not realize it is kink.
why is it that the only people who view my profile are gay male submissives.I am looking for female subs or even female Doms who want freindship, but that does not seem to happen. sorry to them when they find a super slave master online who turns out to be some guy who lives in his parents basement .... sad but true.
While my primary interest here is to find a girl for me, there are also days like today that I am going through profiles looking for potential models.
I look for beautiful people with photos that can be improved on or poses that do not look natural. Hey, I even look at photos that are awesome and think of ways that I can improve on them or change them.
The people I really want to help are those who have self pics or web cam shots.
As part of my workshop on taking good photos at home, the one biggest thing I tell people is to look around and make sure they are happy with what will be seen behind them. Toys (adult or kids) in the background may be what you want others to see. Clothes all over the floor behind you also does not send out a good impression. The most hilarious self taken photo through the mirror in the bathroom, also included in the photo on the counter was a box of tampons. When I pointed this out to her she removed that photo from her profile. My advise to those who still insist on self photos ... make sure you know what will be seen in the picture.
I need to find someone who will be a submissive/bottom or little for me in the bedroom, but will help me manage my life and business outside the bedroom.
It seems that there is no one that wants that role. Everyone I seem to meet through collerme or wants a 24/7 Dom and that is not something I can be. Maybe I just need to go back to POF and find someone I can convert to kinky in the bedroom and take to fetish and play events.
This is hard to admit and I am almost afraid this will come back to be used against me... but fuck it... I have to finally admit that I am not a Dom that most women want.... I am not a strict Dom and while I can give a woman a good scened and a few memories to take away with her, I am not the bad ass Dom that she wants. I wish there was lessons for how to be that Dom.
People keep telling me that I am more of a soft or Daddy Dom and I should embrace that. I do not see many women looking for that here. They all seem to want a Master or Strict person to Dominate them.
Is it time to go back to looking for a Vanilla woman and give up on having a D/s relationship? I am not sure.... I really need to figure out if I can do that vanilla thing again. I do not know if I can turn my back on my Dominate and kinky interests. To go back to meeting Vanilla's would be lying to them and to myself in hiding my true interests.
Have to find a job in BC and move there.
It seems that most of the women who are interested in men in their early 40's are located in BC ... well at least the ones on CM. It must be that Olympic spirit. But I would not want to living there during the Olympics ... I hear even the price of basic food staple will be higher , so companies can cash in on the Olympics.
Help wanted ...
I need help with my profile, it seems that I am either giving too much information and honesty or that I completely do not fit in with what anyone is looking for.
I figure it would be easier to re do my profile with only the info that will catch attention. But I have this tendency to say what I will and turn it into a long diatribe.
I get a little confused when I see that the person who is checking out my profile is another male dominate.
It does not bother me, but it does puzzle me why I get these notices that someone has viewed my profile and they are another Male Dominate. It would be understandable if they were friends with someone I had contacted and was helping the sub to evaluate me in terms of who I say I am.... but these are male doms from places in the USA where I have not contacted people. It is just odd.
I am finding that most of the local women I see here fall into one of a few categories that They makes them not interested in me ... they have been on CM for a long time and have not responded to my messages, they feel they are too young for me, they are looking for someone more experienced than me, they are just looking for friends, they are looking for a Gor master, they are not attracted to me, or my personal favorite ... they are not really women and just some dude who stole a photo off the web and thinks it is fun to pose as a female submissive... that dude needs a life. My other personal favorite are those who claim I am not strict enough because I do not have 24/7 M/s experience... WTF does that mean? Is there a school one has to go to, to become a true master?
Other women I see here are friends I already know whether it be in person or are friends on .
I would be very interested in knowing of how many real people have met their match here on CM and if it is actually possible.
Today when I logged into collarme, I was very happy to see the logo that honoured our fallen soldiers. The collarme logo with the poppy in place of the O, showed me that someone was helping us remember those who have given up their lives so we can enjoy out freedoms.
Good on you, the staff member who chose to put up the poppy.
Even if you are against this war, you have to respect those who have died in the service of their country.
Tonight I had the privileged of being one of a handful of photographers allowed to take photos at the opening party for Torture Garden Toronto.
I look forward to shooting the Red Carpet for the main Torture Garden on Saturday night, again as one of the accredited photographers for an event that has never been in Canada.
To be asked to be one of a handful of official photographers for such an event is a privilege. I am most happy to have been asked to be a part of this event, as it humbles me to know that others recognize my photography.
I am starting to doubt this singles site for kinky people... it seems when ever I log on, I see the same people .... literally the same faces every day.? So maybe this is not the place for me to be looking for a Friend who could become a play mate, who could become a person I partner with....Unless I decide to become a sub.... that is not happening.
I have also found that Collarme is less of a place to meet a submissive than a slave. I am not experienced enough to own a 24/7 slave, so again I am out of luck ....
I am trying to hide my frustration, but it is really hard to find a bottom who wants to be friends first while developing a bdsm trust. It is even harder to find a sub who wants to explore vanilla interests outside of kink.
I am starting to believe that all the trolls have scared off all the real women on CM.? The responses that I have been recieving have lately been from off shore scams and not real women.
I am not into begging... that would be much below me. I do however want some feedback. I want to hear from real people what i am doing wrong or right.
After riding the rush of attending "Tease" I went through a few days that felt like drop. I met some amazing people and it was sad when I had to say goodbye. I will definitely be going back next year.
Has the sense of Ha Ha really gone out the window
Tonight I was browsing profiles and saw one with a shopping list of the types she did not want ... she did not want a sub or trans or cissy.... bla bla bla ... she wanted a Dom. Well since I was non of those, I read on ... my stumbling block was that she was from the west coast of Canada and I am in central Canada. Her posting ended with a quote from one of my favourite female erotica writers, so I sent a joking reply ... saying I was not any of the people on her list, but too bad I was in Ontario and she was in the West.... I told her the only reason I contacted her was because the author she quoted. I did not send her a message becuase i was trying to pick her up.... I do not do long distance.
a short while later I got a reply from her?? "No Thank YOu".... what was that... did she not see the humour and think I was serious?... I did not mean any malintentions, I only wanted to compliment her on her choice of authors to quote..... Now I feel like the dick.
I really want to know .... are the trolls becoming that bad that people are becoming jaded.... are the open and honest people in this lifestyle losing out because a bunch of trolling cyber moneys have played thier games and fucked it up for those of us who have respect.
11 or is it 10?days till tease.... depends on what you count as days....
Tease will be a great time to meet new friends and to get to know existing friends better. This will be my first time, but from everyone I know who has been before .... it is an event not to be missed.
The Count Down to tease has begun.....
I can not wait
This week I got a new prop for my studio, a chair shaped like a Red Stiletto Hight Heel shoe.
I am really looking forward to trying some shoot with it in studio and on location. Yes, on location. This chair is light enough to carry and fits into the back seat of my car.
I think I will ad a photo of it to my profile.
Change is Strange
While I have recently had a break up with my last sub, the change was a hard one to take. What is strange about this recent change is that I have been realizing that I am in no hurry to go looking.
I am not up to doing the online personals dance right now. I instead want to spend time I have online in discussion groups that allow me to contribute my thoughts, opinions and even my photography advice.
I have also realized that I want try to find more time to spend getting out in the local Kink community.
Staying professional during a photo shoot has never been a problem for me, especially when it is a paying client. I know a shoot is a shoot and a scene is a scene. A scene can turn into a shoot (when the playmate also wants some photos taken), but a shoot can not turn into a scene (that is just unethical).
I pride myself on my ability to compartmentalize my photography and my play, but when a playmate asks for a photo shoot, it takes me some time to explain that when I am in photo mode, I can not play with them, it is just something that I have taught myself to keep separate. For the most part my explanation is understood, but some try to push it.
Why can people not understand that play is play and my work ethic is my life?
Well Christmas turned out better than I expected. Had a great meal with friends and really enjoyed the company. Boxing day went even better when I met someone for the first time, after talking some time.? Things are looking up, but I am going to take my time and see where it goes ...
Merry Christmas and happy Chanukah to all my friends.
Santa disappointed me again this year. I woke up and did not find a subie dresses only in a red bow and a collar.
(Hmm that gives me an idea for a photo shoot, to have a naked model with only bows and ribbons covering those special bits.)
I hope you are all enjoying some special times with those you love.
Ian
I am begining to dislike this site, simply because every other profile I read is from a discruntal sub who is being harrassed or not being treated properly by the many trolls who visit the site that have no idea of what it means to be a Man or a Dom. There seems to be a whole bunch of cyber bullies who think because they have a penis and they are male that they have a licence to be jerks toward the women who have profiles here.
I am not a perfect person myself, but I understand that NO means No ... why do some men not understand that and do not read a womans profile before sending her a message that she does not want to read. For every jerk who harrasses a woman on this site, a woman leaves the site and deletes her profile.
Submissive or Slave does not mean that a woman wants to be used and abused by a man who has no idea what respect means. Remember guys ... being a Dom means that you have the respect and trust of a submissive. Yes some subs and slaves want to be used, but they want someone they can respect and trust with thier safety.
it gives me so much pleasure to see that the people who have chosen me as their photographer, have chosen to use my images on thier profiles.
I just wished there was a way to take my credit and have them be able to link their photo to me.
ok ... enough about me ....? I want to shoot you .... when are you contacting me?
Collarme and the collarme chat rooms confuse me.
A friend encouraged me to visit the collame chat rooms and i did. Well i went to the top group "UnOwned_Subbie_Room" ... well the name is slightly deceiving. The people who mainly talk in the room are collared or coupled.... I even got warned to not mention that fact or I would be kicked out.? Yes there are unowned or un callered there but they lurk in the background and do not talk much.
Chat does not seem to be the place to meet people who are local or want to be local.
I came across this at www.strctdaddy.com and had to share this as it truly describes how I feel as a Daddy Dom
What is a Daddy Dom:
A Daddy Dom is the most tender of all Dominants. He loves His adult little one
with an undying passion. He always has his submissive's best interest in mind,
even when it conflicts with his personal desires. That doesn't mean that he
gives into her every whim. There can be a huge difference in her desires and
her real needs. He has to be able to make that sacrifice for her if needed. And
yes, at times he does punish her. This usually hurts him just as much if not
more than her, but he will always do what's best for her.
He helps her set and reach her goals in life, not just in the lifestyle. He
will help her improve herself to be the best she can be, not for HIM but for
her ! He's not just looking to make her a better submissive, but a better
person in general.
He becomes many things in her life, a mentor, a teacher, a
protector, a guide, AND a lover! He offers
her what she needs most of all, unconditional love and acceptance. He is
consistent in his actions so that she knows what to expect from him, she knows
she can depend on him!
He wants nothing more than to pull her close and protect her
from the cruel world. But knowing all along that he can't ! SO it is up to him to prepare her for
whatever life may bring her way, and be there to comfort her when things go
wrong. Knowing she will run to him when she becomes overwhelmed or frighten by the
harshness of life. The Daddy Dom listens to all her fears and concerns, knowing
no matter how silly or childish they may sound to him, to her they are real and
he will help her confront them. He slays her dragons so to speak and he is her
"Knight in Shining Armor".
The Daddy Dom hears all her dreams, desires and all the
dirty little secrets, and smiles because she is bold enough and loves him
enough to open herself up so totally to him. He kisses her face and holds her
close letting her know she is loved no matter what. she is His little one, and
he loves her unconditionally.
There is nothing more satisfying to him than to see her
succeed, to watch as she grows as a person. He revels in her daily
accomplishments almost as much as she does herself.
He will cuddle her and show her the tenderness she craves
when she needs it., when she feels unsure of herself he will whisper
encouraging words for her. When she feels ugly he will reassure her how
beautiful she is to him ... when she is scared he will be her safety net, her
medium against the world if need be. She is his pride and joy his main comfort in life his reason for living. His pride in
her shows in the tender loving way he cares for her, he is the only one for
her, her Daddy !
Until recently, I used to think that age play and the whole daddy Dom was a bit creepy. But then I met a special friend who opened my mind and helped me to better understand the whole dynamic.
I have learned that it takes a great deal more mentally to be a Daddy Dom than most other forms of Domination. I learned that it is quite gratifying being a protector who is not only Loving, but also stern and fair how he keeps his little girl in her place.
The most wonderful part of this dynamic is the joy it brings me when I see the smile on her face when she greats me by saying (in an enthusiastic way) "Daddy!"
Unfortunately we are not each others primary relationship, but the time we do spend together is very special.
this past Sunday, I had the privileged to do a photo shoot with a lovely sub who had never done a professional photo shoot before.
For a first time model, she was great and with a little more exposure to the camera, she will make a fantastic model.
All in all, by the end of the shoot, we got some really good images, pictures that she will be very proud of.
I look forward to working with her again and doing some even better photos, but one step at a time in getting used to the camera and a new photographer is my advice.
The Bent Event is again nearing soon and due to family commitments the sub I was taking is not able to attend. This is fine, as I attended the last Bent event alone and met some wonderful people and some great new friends.
I would like to play a Over The Knee scene and hoped to find someone who will be attending that would like like to play. My problem is that I am a softer player than most and enjoy sensation play more than inflicting real pain, this does not appeal to some potential subs as they look at my softness as a weakness.
Regardless if I play or not that night, I know I will have a great time.
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to take a self picture? Yeah timers and remote controls can work, but there is nothing like having someone looking through the lens and capturing the right shot.? I am a professional photographer who has problems getting self pics. The reason I say this is that I am hoping that I can get another photographer to help me to get some more pictures of myself, in particular a nice photo of my Bum. I am trying to get a grass roots campaign going, were people publish pictures of their bum with a slogan printed on the picture. The slogan will be one that encourages people to get screened for Colan Cancer. Something like? "Butt out Colan Cancer, get screened today".
Please get a picture taken of your bum and post it on any blog, forum or website you participate on. Just remember to put a slogan on it reminding people to get screened for Colan Cancer.
There has to be a happy medium between here and . is a place to meet fellow kinksters without the TROLLS or people who are not truly into the lifestyle, yet collarme has some great features that help peaple to connect.
Unfortunately with collarme, most of the women have been over harassed and the TROLLS who think just because they are men that that makes them a DOM.... and that being a Dom, they can order women around without any respect. When are the HNG's going to learn the true dynamics of a D/s relationship?
August 17th to 24th, I will be going to Montreal.
I still do not know what I will be doing or what I should do .... any suggestions?
I think I will be taking my camera and lighting system with me and maybe try to set up a photo shoot or two.
Models wanted
I have been asked to do some artistic SM and fetish phototographs for a possible gallery showing in September.
This will be my first non vanilla gallery showing and I want to really showcase my ability to create true art from SM and Fetish.
I am looking for a few sub models willing to wear various costumes, outfits, and fetish gear. I am also looking for Dom/sub couples to do some posed scenes.
I understand that many would prefer anonimity, so I will be shooting some hidden faces and some masked faces. Some partial or implied nudity may be involved, so shy people may not be interested.
I had a great time at Bent last night and met some great people. Bent was was a well organized play party and cudos to dana and her team.
Yes it was warm, but not as warm as the house I came home to ..... A/C computer crashed and shut down .... this is not good.
September is a long way from now and i can not wait for the next Bent event.
