My Rules For Topping:
A trust has to be built between both parties. What you are doing when you let me play with you is putting your life in my hands. You have to know that what I am doing to you I know how to do. Any person can read a BDSM fantasy novel and get the lingo. I have references, and you really should check them.
In the same matter, I have to know your mannerisms so that I can determine the difference between a bad owie and a good one. I have to know you as a person so I can use this in a scene. What are you proud of about yourself? What are you insecure about? If I am doing mild humiliation I don’t want to say something to you that will damage you mentally. If I haul out a knife in the middle of a scene I don’t want to find out that there was trauma that you failed to tell me about. I consider this part of negotiation.
Just to let you know? It helps if YOU have references as well. Most of the time I will pass up a submissive / bottom if I haven’t met them through someone, or through a local scene. I have found sadly that far too many submissives that have approached me in the past have not been serious about what they are looking for, and have done nothing but waste my time. I dislike my time wasted. If you are new to the scene, I am willing to talk with you and possibly take that risk if I see you are serious.
Now.. onto the rules:
1. Communication is important. I am welcome to questions, but done in a polite, respectful manner. That means if I am trying to tell you something, shut your mouth and listen. I will give you a chance to speak when I am done talking, but if you are not willing to listen to me when I am talking, I will not take the risk with that occurring in a scene. Last thing I need is to lop off a body part because I was doing knife play and you didn’t listen to me tell you to stay still. Moreover, it is rude to interrupt. I will negotiate a scene with you before entering into one. Plan this into the time you spend with me.
2. I will ask for a next of kin contact. I will never contact this person, but god forbid anything should happen to you and I need to contact the paramedics, I will have a number for them to contact someone who can make medical decisions for you. This is NOT negotiable. If you are not willing to provide me with this information I will not play with you.
3. I will ask a medical history. This is NOT negotiable. This includes, but is not limited to:
a. Food allergies
b. Medicinal allergies
c. Allergies of any other sorts: IE latex, hemp, glycerin
d. Heart problems
e. Breathing issues
f. Circulation issues
g. Sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV status
h. Bleeding disorders
i. Skin disorders
j. Diabetes
k. Mental illness
l. Vision/Hearing problems
m. Medicines currently taking
n. Joint issues
Why do I need to know this? Because if I am going to play with you, all of the issues above can help me determine what is safest for you. For Example, if you have a bleeding disorder where you do not clot well, or are taking aspirin… if there is a cut I will plan that there will be an excessive amount of bleeding… and will be prepared. This doesn’t mean that if you have any of the above, I will turn you down for play. It just means I will be better prepared, and will know what toys to use on you and what not to. This list will also be kept with your next of kin information to provide to paramedics if the need should arise. Please make this list on a separate piece of paper than anything kinky that you may write, and include your first and last name, and birth date. EXCLUDE your social security number.
4. If you cannot make a session with me, let me know as soon as physically possible. I prefer at least 24 hours notice. I am a very busy lady, and if you are a no call, no show… don’t bother showing up again. If you had a legitimate emergency and just could not get in touch with me, you will get one more chance, but if you do not bother to show on that one, consider yourself gone. As I said previously, I do not like my time wasted.
5. Plan on presenting me with a list of your hard limits and soft limits for discussion. Hard limits are ones that will never be offered on the table… ever. Soft limits are ones that you might not wish to do now, but are curious about or are not comfortable doing with me at this moment in time. Some of my hard limits as a top are bodily fluids or excrement, bestiality, minors, needles, permanent marking, or any sexual contact without my partners knowledge and consent.
6. I will not scene online. Do not try to draw me into doing such, as I will dismiss you as a play partner.
9. For any genital torture I will wear non-latex gloves, regardless of your STD status. I reserve the right to wear gloves for any other contact if I deem it a necessity (IE Rashes, cuts, etc.).
10. You will have a safe word. I use the Red (Stop), yellow (warning), and green (everything is fine) system. If you have a specialized safe word please let me know. In the event of restricted speech, or speech that is lower in tone, I will give you an to hold that you can drop if you need to yellow or red. I have low tone hearing loss, and do not wish to put you at risk, so this option is there at all times if you wish it to be.
11. Unless a safe word is used, I reserve the right to end a scene at any time. I pay very close attention to my bottoms in a scene. I check their skin temperature, their responses, the swelling of the skin, etc. I can often see what the bottom does not. I do not aim to leave you with horrendous bruises, but some bruising may occur. If there is an area that you cannot have marks left, please inform me ahead of time. Also if there is any nerve damage or sensitive spots on your body that would not respond well to being worked on, please inform me of that as well.
12. As a rule I will not play with a married person. Very few exceptions will be made on this, and I will discuss those with you upon talking to you.
13. Depending on the individual and type of play, I reserve the right to add or subtract rules as I see fit. They will be discussed with you.
14. By entering into a scene, you agree not to hold me liable for any damages or mental trauma that may occur. I try my best to make sure you are the safest you can be, but accidents can and sometimes do happen to even the most experienced players. By entering into a scene with me you are stating that you understand the risks that are involved, and are willing to take them and the responsibility that comes with those risks.
Am I strict? Yes. Will some people roll their eyes at this? Yes. Will there be people who won’t play with me because of these rules? Yes.
I have these rules for a reason. I am trying to provide the safest play session for both of us, and would rather we discuss these topics before something bad happens. These rules are for both your safety and mine. If you do not agree to these rules, than we would not be a good fit. Please find someone who would better fit your play style instead of trying to get me to change what I have set down as rules.
