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ThunderRoad
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What am I looking for?
Sashimi, knives in all the wrong places, a place to kneel (though not -on- the knives, cuz..ow.), biking trails, Wi-Fi connections, people who understand "Beat Me Till I Cry" doesn't mean "Fuck Me", (except when it does), a hand to match my heartbeat, that fuzzy place just before 'lights-out' happens, bruises in the squirmy places, and someone who understands that Starbucks is -not- proper coffee.
What am I into?
Honesty, toeing the line, (and occasionally playing jump-rope with it), fighting to breathe, random kinky encounters, bloody finger-painting, 3am skinny-dipping, sleeping in tents in the rain, morning sex when you don't have to go anywhere, needles in places they ought not be, knowing I'm going to lose the wrestling match and fighting anyway, that fuzzy line where it starts/stops being kink and starts/stops being spirituality, looking up at someone you know won't hurt you and having them backhand you anyway, and trying to fill my passport.
What turns me on?
Light-switches, a good espresso, knives at my eyes, hands around my throat and a voice very quietly in my ear.
So, what am I -really- looking for?
Beats the fuck out of me (though not nearly often enough). I'm mostly submissive, except when I'm not. I neither require nor desire someone to tell me what to wear in the morning, or how to cook breakfast, or to give me permission to go out with friends...yet in the same sentence someone with a forceful enough personality to back mine into a corner is a prerequisite to me. Yes, I really -will- happily make your coffee in the morning.
I find the physical side of BDSM fun, but the mental/psychological component more-so. If you can't make me -believe-, then why are we bothering? If the fear isn't real, if you'll never follow through on the threat, if its only and always a mind-game - then I wish you luck looking elsewhere.
I believe limits were made to be broken, boundaries are set to be crossed, and maybe, just maybe, there is nowhere you can't fly if you're willing to trust your wings (and your co-pilot.)
No really, plain English, what am I looking for?
I want a partner that understands that if I get a 4am emergency phone call, I'm going to put on my boots and hit the road. I'm not going to kiss your feet and ask for permission, because my life and choices take second seat to the people I care about.
I want a partner I can blur the lines between spirituality and kink with. The Lakota have their Sun Dance, I want to find our equivalent - and see what worlds we can find together.
I want a partner that understands that in-scene I -believe- especially whatever I'm hearing and being told. If you tell me you're going to kill me, I believe you and will emotionally/psychologically react accordingly. I want a partner that will both exploit, and be entrusted with, this fact.
Standard profile disclaimers, no rights reserved, please keep all hands and floggers inside the ride, and do not feed the sever dominates.
Yes, I will share a picture, but only once I'm convinced you're not a complete idiot. No, I don't want to relocate to Cali/Florida/ Zimbabwe/the Moon. Yes, I do this in real-time, no I don't want to cyber. Yes, I would like to have coffee, no I won't meet you at your house alone to have it. W/writing M/me I/in S/slashie S/speak will get Y/you soundly mocked. Yes, I am looking for a real relationship - no, I have utterly no interest in trying to explain someone old enough to be my father (or my grandfather!) to my parents. Don't bother trying.
I am active in the Chicago scene - so if you think this profile sounds vaguely like that slightly odd chick you met at that one place - you're probably right.
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Size of your penis Does not impress me at all Porn store sells better
Tell me of your soul
Scotch choice for campfire drinking
Why you visit Greece
Title of 'Master'
Does not master my heartbeat
Power is not a name
D/s is a dance
Teach me how to fly with you
Find that I will kneel
Calling me a 'slut'
May get you response post-haste
But not one you want
I need to know Truth
Are you Sun Zhu or Lao Zhu?
Do you know Yourself? |
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So I keep seeing the tired line "I don't play games." repeated over...and over...and OVER in the profiles that I look at.
Personally, that's going to make me pass your profile over with wistful wave.
I love Apples to Apples, Diablo, frisbee golf...
Ah, what might have been.
This post brought to you by a far too long workweek. |
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Someone asked - so I thought I'd answer publically.
Why won't I play with you?
1. When we're in a conversation - you talk over me. And when we're in a group, you talk over anyone who identified as a submissive.
Firstly, it's rude and I don't like rude people. But more importantly it's a key behavior identifier. By repeatedly talking over me, you tell me that you see me as Submissive-named-me, rather than Me-who-is-a-submissive. It's a fine grammatical distinction yes - but its also an indicator of how you see the world. If you see the 'submissive' first in even mundane situations, and the person second - then you will also do so in a scene where I have trusted you with my safety.
I never stop being a person, even if I am on the floor begging for my life. And if I have -any- reason to doubt that you know that too....it's off my Touch-Me list.
Make sense?
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Has anyone else ever been tempted, upon being asked by the well-intentioned family:
"So when are you going to find a nice boy to settle down with?"
to respond with:
"I don't want a nice boy. I want a man who will beat the crap out of me on a delightfully regular basis."?
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So, like pretty much every other
female on collarme, I get a fair amount of email. I actually do respond
to about 75% of it, with at the very least a polite, "I'm sorry, we're
not compatible."
It's the other 25% that puzzle me.
- Form letters - Guys nothing says "You're the special one for me." like "I couldn't be bothered to even personalize our correspondence." If you wouldn't do it for a job cover letter, why would you write it to a prospective partner?
- Three word emails - "Hi. Wanna chat?"
Um. No. Bye. Frantically sending me an email the instant I pop online tells me you're desperate for anything resembling a female. It's crass and insulting. I am not 'A' female. I am me.
- Posturing like a bad romance novel. No, my heart doesn't beat faster as I see you from across the room. It's an email client. There is no room. My jaw, however, does drop at your disastrous pretentious literary attempts.
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So I'm curious.
Of all the things mentioned in my profile, the one that gains the single greatest number of comments is breath play. I get more questions on the why/how/WTFBBQTURQUOISE of breath play than anything.
(Followed closely by my love of sushi, but that's another story.)
I can't help but wonder why. It doesn't seem that abnormal to me, or in the community I live in. So, if you've bothered reading this far...chime in. Is this something odd in other communities?
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Observations:
There is nothing quite so unpleasantly jarring as having one's private-hitachi-time interrupted by the fire department at the front door.
Stupid inspections.
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So tonight is our local public fetish party Sabbat de Sade. The theme for the evening is Blood Lust...with flesh hook suspensions, piercings, cuttings and all sorts of other interesting body-mod type play.
In the theme of WIITWD, I get the idea of mental and physical challenges, of pushing your body and mind to see just how far you can go. I'll be the first one to admit some of the scenes my partners and I have engaged in don't so much 'push-boundaries' as they do 'swing-a-4lb-sledge-at-boundaries'. To me, that's some of the allure of our more extreme practices, just how far can I push the line.
But that's also where I start wondering. How far is -too- far? For an individual into shamanic trance-work to deliberately and knowingly plan a flesh-hook suspension for a vision quest....this I get. But then you have this evening... a public club, pay the cover and you're in. Is this the right way to expose people to these practices?
It does technically meet the requirements for SSC. But should that simple litmus test be our only requirement? Are our kinks really so harmless that getting a simple 'Yes' and assuring no lasting physical harm is enough?
I'm slightly babbling, and I know it. I don't really have the words to express exactly what it is that worries me. I just sometimes can't help but sit back and watch the crowd writhe while wondering if they realize that to do to the body, is to do to the mind.
And is a simple 'Yes' ever really enough consent for that?
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Maybe I'm just given to over-ponderance, but here goes the brain-squish anyway. <br> Yeah,
I'm kinky. Unashamed and proud of it, most of the time. But then there
are those days that I wonder. I'm ever one for overthinking things, I
realize, but part of me really wonders what's the deeper motivation
behind a lot of kinks. Granted, it's different for every person, but
hey, I've at least got to wonder for my own. A life un-pondered is a
life un-lived.<br> I get "scenes". I get facing fears, pushing
boundaries, exploring limits, pushing your body, experiencing new
sensations, sexual arousal, fetishness, shamanic trancework. I get the
whole spectrum from kink-as-foreplay to kink-as-lifestyle to
kink-as-just-fun-stop-trying-to-label-it-g orram-it!" It's groovey man, I grok it. Almost. ALMOST. Just ... almost. But not quite.<br> There
is still one part of me that I don't quite get, and its the need to
cry. Not the 'I'm upset' crying, not the "I've had a bad day" crying,
but the 'I am in a situation which is so fearful, painful, intimidating
and hopeless that I have no other coping mechanism.' type crying. The
want/NEED to be dragged to a point where I can't talk myself out of the
'situation' because I'm beyond speech, I can't fight myself out because
I'm already defeated, where I can't even think myself out because
someone has put me well beyond conscious reasoning.<br> At this point I
begin to question whether its really even a 'scene' anymore, or am I
dragging another human being un-consenting into my own madness? Is
there a line where it stops being kink?
<br>
I wish I understood it, but I don't. |
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| Age: 22 |
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Pennsylvania |
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