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First thing is first, I get messages about my screen name periodically and yes I really am a scientist and yes I am a bit of a loon (though mostly entertainingly so). The picture is not how I appear normally. It was a bit of a joke but in truth it captures my more playful and eccentric side well. Something that most do not see as I am a very serious and professional person in most realms. The brush is a forensic art shot I took for fun. My pet finds the composition incredibly sexy so I posted it here for all to see. I have the perfect little pet under my ownership. My collared pet is so very delightful. She is always considerate, polite an incredibly playful. More importantly she is her own person, making her submission all the moe wonderful. I am very protective when it comes to her. At the same time I trust her completely and I do not keep tabs on her or restrict her. She has quit a few friends on here and friends are always welcome by both of us. I do however screen anyone she asks. So if you are directed to me, understand that I will look things over carefully, and I may ask you some tough questions.
Life is a perplexing mix. All things seem to require greater caution that I previously had though. Often times I find there is a need to evaulate everything as there is so much that is not simple in life, subs are certainly no different though many present themselves as very simple, complexity seems to loom much deeper than they admit or recognize quite frequently. That said, I am always happy to talk to anyone around though.
There is nothing that is done by me without certain levels of affection, including floggings. My interests generally are not harmful but very playful. I like variety in the greatest of degrees. I am am easily bored and constantly like to try new things.
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There is often this need to be an individual. The last time I took a Myers-Briggs test I scored an XNTJ. No one was really surprised by the NTJ part. It fits my scientific mind perfectly. I am very much a Thinker, I rely heavily on my iNtuition to sort out problems (although I did score somewhat close to sensing as well), and I can be very Judgmental. That part that throws most people is the X part. Most people expect that I would be a complete Extrovert. That is not the case at all.
I am very shy at times. When I know my surroundings I am comfortable and the extrovert comes out. Usually when people see me I am in a place where I know exactly what is going on and who is around. I therefore am far less guarded and allow the playful/silly/nerdy extrovert to surface. I am a creature of pattern and habit which allows me to fantastically create this illusion of complete confidence and control.
Now please do not confuse this with weakness. My being shy is in direct response to my environment. I am a cautious person. I am also very much a control freak (something that very much leads itself to dominance, which is also part of my nature). Yet somehow when I am feeling shy people tend to veer away as though I am out of reach.
I have been told that I am intimidating and imposing. I tend to stand up quite straight and I carry myself with an air of confidence and composure that is apparently quite intimidating. I speak with a complex structure and vocabulary that is academic and precise. Apparently the combination of the two is very intimidating. As a result many people believe that I am out of their league or just too scary to attempt to interact with. It is an interesting paradox that when I become shy I also become so intimidating. Yes, I know this is a clear subconscious mechanism designed to protect me in environments where I am feeling less than secure.
I have always found that people look at me and see Alpha (yeah I know my picture on here presents goof but that is another side of me). For example, the last time I was on Jury duty I was the youngest person there by far. When we went into deliberation everyone took one look at me and said, "You are definitely the foreman." They actually voted me their leader without any assertion from me of my leadership abilities. Of course their reaction ultimately left me comfortable and we were done fairly quickly.
This brings me to todays question: Is dominance simply found in the nature of the beast or is it something more complex that results from a series of social and emotional aspects where by society chooses its Dominants (or Alphas as scientist refer to them) and the individuals selected switch on to meet the expectations?
My contention: The individual is both an Alpha by nature and encouraged to be more so by the group. When the group selects people who are not actually engrained Alphas they fail to move forward and collapse under the poor leadership. When the group selects a true Alpha they have higher success but can also find themselves uncomfortable in their ultimate situation.
I have been trained as a leader. Some of the people who were trained with me lead well and always have even before they were formally trained. Others were trained but as they were not really leaders they floundered and failed repeatedly because the training alone was not enough.
I believe it is what is inside that matters and that we are not all equal. We should all have equal opportunity but the notion that we are all equal is one of the most evil things we have been presented with. Everyone has abilities, ineptitudes, and limits. These are as individual as the prints on their fingers. Everyone has value in the right setting but in the wrong setting anyone can become a drain on the group. We must choose wisely in how we support.
I hope to hear some other thoughts from those of you who read this someone rambling writing (I free write each of these). |
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To begin, I need to avoid cheesecake for a while. I ate too much and now my stomach is a bit off.
Which leads me to todays topic. What defines excess?
Is it the over consumption of yummy cheesecake? Perhaps, but perhaps not. There is so much to enjoy in life and while moderation is prudent it often seems to lead to internal feelings as though something is missing. Perhaps it is the over indulgence in any one particular thing which leads to the knowledge of personal limits. After all we are all human and the discovery of personal limits seems to give us two very important things. First it lets us know when we should stop. More importantly, however, it gives us the ability to understand what we enjoy and how to better enjoy it without making ourselves bored or sick.
I have often found that the the more wild things in life can become completely mundane if they are always enjoyed in a quantity that is beyond reason. It always seems to induce a state of desensitization.
This begs another question, is going without something or becoming desensitized to something the way to find actual appreciation? I would say that neither is the best way. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true but an over abundance of absence can make things that we love, desire, and crave become something so distant and removed that we can not enjoy them simply because we forget about them or come to the conclusion that they are simply are unobtainable.
Therefore balance is the key. We must have the things we love in excess much as we must endure their absence. The combination of the two leads us to our own self discovery. A concept in which I think everyone on here is trying to determine. After all if we were so contented as to be completely satiated, we would not be on here. We would instead be sitting on the couch, eating anything we like, reading a book with the couch set on a beach in paradise where the temperature is always 72degrees (much like in San Diego).
To anyone who actual reads this rambling I am curious as to your thoughts... |
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There are times where I wish I were not the generally nice person I am.
Earlier today I read a message on another site from a friend of mine that said he and the sub he was seeing had ended their relationship but that they were going to remain friends.
Knowing how attached she was becoming to him and considering myself a friend to her as well, I messaged her to make sure she was alright. A few messages back and forth and an IM conversation later, it turns out that he had neglected to tell her yet...though I am sure he was going to very shortly.
Needless to say I feel like an ass since I really do not like getting in the middle of such things, especially between two of my friends.
So I guess today's moral is: If you are going to change the nature of a relationship, talk to the people involved first. |
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These are perhaps not the best but I felt the need to dabble in Haiku tonight for some reason...
My pet:
Sweet lovingly dressed
Prepared as my toy and pet
A delicious flower
Submission:
Deeply craven soul
Not to be taken lightly
A sublime present
Control:
Surely illusion
Power buried deep within
Exercising will
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The last few days have been very interesting. Since my last journal entry I have seen a rise in communication from others on here.
I appreciate the expanse in contacts, friendship and community.
It has also been interesting as one of my new friends here introduced me to a sub of his who I had messaged a while back but never responded. The irony in her lack of response came in that my message to her was about her writing, specifically on the nature of words as the most powerful sexual force, and her lack of response was based on my joke picture and her failure to read adequately. It makes me wonder how many people search this site in the same way people comment on others in a store or restaurant. Lots of comments unsaid and based on an unwillingness to development a more intimate understanding of someone.
This brings me to my point, are so many so afraid to develop meaningful relationships (of any kind) based on understanding, interest, and a wish to have something deeper than a superficial play which ultimately has no meaning? As many of us have learned from experience, relationships built up with meaning, ultimately lead to much more satisfying experiences.
I know lately I am ranting a bit much but I really feel the need to express these frustrations and I seem to be finding more and more people on here who agree with my sentiments.
Cheers! |
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A new friend of mine asked me a couple days ago about the "community" that can be found on here. I am not sure how it is in the rest of the country but here in California (one of the friendliest places in the world) the community on this site is very fragmented.
It is sad.
There should be a lot more friendship and socialization on here and I would be nice to see that develop but I am not convinced it will on here any time soon.
Do any others feel the same? |
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My pet has continued to look for a present for me on this site. Interestingly she is encountering the same problem that so many men including myself encounter.
The impoliteness of so many people on here and the lack of response from so many who claim to be submissive but are really simply passive-aggressive teases who seem to only post on here for attention but do not reciprocate. I am keenly aware of the idiot men on here who are as crass as they are illiterate, but that does not excuse impoliteness on the other end.
I do not understand how anyone can consider it acceptable to not take a moment to read their messages (even if just to glance at them) and to respond to those who are decent enough to write a message that is polite. Even if the response is a "thank you" with a "I am sorry I am not interested," that is at least as dignified and polite as anyone on here should present themselves. I know that most of us are very busy and that this site can be a bit annoying at times, but to be so discourteous is simply unforgivable.
To wrap this up before a ramble and rant further; Doms and Domes, please read peoples profiles carefully and if you choose to respond make sure it reflects that reading. Subs and Switches, please take the time to read what others have written and give them an appropriate response. We should always be better than the worst people on here, regardless of fatigue or childish tendencies. |
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My pet mentioned an interesting fantasy the other day. She mentioned her desire to see me use and be pleased by an effeminate male sub. It is a fantasy that I am considering indulging at the moment...
She is such a perfect little pet and she is really starting to come out of her nervousness. Finally she is becoming able to talk about sex (instead of just writing me about it) |
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As my life continues to intertwine deeper with my little Xaipe, I find myself enjoying my life more and more.
This year so far has been impossibly difficult at work. The economics aside I am finding that I have been given a vast number of tasks all of which are very challenging and a very full battery of students who are very pleasant but not adequately prepared on average.
In addition to it all I am getting ready to start working on my Doctorate (hopefully) which will be taxing my endurance further.
Through all the difficulties there has been a wonderful little pet at my side. She has become more precious to me than I ever could have imagined she would be. There is nothing she will not do for me. Her training is excellent and she anticipated my needs with increasing accuracy. Her limits always pushed and tested and she continues to grow at a steady rate. To say the least she makes me very happy.
Recently we were discussing some fantasies both hers and my own. Almost immediately she has taken to trying to fulfill my desires, a perfect sub to be sure. It only serves to show how completely she is mine now. I look forward to fulfilling her fantasies soon too, but above all I am happy beyond words.
I can not wait to bind her and toy with her again... |
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Another fantastic weekend with my pet! She was with me all weekend through today and she spent so much of her time making sure that everything was as it should be for me, trying to keep me as content and happy as she could. I can not express how contented and attached I am to her adequately, but perfect pets do exist and mine definietly is such a rare and precious creature. I could not ask or need for anything more. |
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Time continues to pass with my delicious pet and her beauty continues to grow. She is so captivating that I find that there is nothing that could keep me for craving her. Taking her in, her touch, scent, skin, sex,...is something that more and more I find I can not resist. While I retain my composure, the internal lust that I have for my pet diminishes none. She is a perfect pet, one I am greatful for finding, and even more pleased to have collared as my own. In ten days she will have been mine for an entire year and I intend to suprize her with something which will denote my love and ownership of her. |
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My pet continues to grow. She is a marvelous creature. Sweet and loving and completely devoted. She craves attention has become more and more mine every day. A fact that fills me with great joy and satisfaction. To have such a wonderful pet, companion and partner has become the stuff of dreams. I have found what I have wanted, desired, and dreamed and much more. I hope that everyone around me finds their true match because I have certainly found mine. |
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Last night I came to truely appreciate how special the gift of submission can be. My dear pet mentally bound herself on my command. It became so instantaneously clear how truely special she is and how sincere her devotion is to me. Seeing her bound without binding was truely a special sight and I am so very proud of her. I feel lucky to have such a wonderful pet. |
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Collarme is an interesting place. As time has passed I have met a number of truely wonderful and fascinating people on here. Most notibly my delightful pet whom I cerish. Several friends have been made as I have used this site and I have seen many things go up and down for everyone.
Particularly in the case of my friends on here who are subs I have seen them encounter dom after dom who are simply users. It is frustrating for me as I am very much a dom, and alpha to the core, but I have a compassion for people and a respect for their uniqueness and individuality. A sub only submits out of thier own desire to do so, and nothing more. No dom in can actually force a sub to submit as submission it's self is a gift. Just the same they try and try and I see my friends injured over and over again. They come to me and ask questions as though they did something wrong but in reality it was not them. It makes me very cautious and skeptical of so many. It also upsets me to see so many jerks.
Then again it is the same thing I see when I go out. I will be sitting there with my partner cuddled up to me smoking my pipe and drinking a coffee enjoying the pleasentries of life and suddenly there will be the imposition of a bunch of guys at the other end of the place (if I am lucky they are that distal) who feel the need to impose innappropriate and obnoxious banter at everyone in the establishment.
I suppose the moral of this story is to understand that you must always be vigilant and the honest will always have to work harder in life to offset those who can not be what they should be in life.
Does anyone have any more thoughts? |
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| Age: 23 |
| ALEXANDER CITY,
Alabama |
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