HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

-a submissive will do anything for the Right Owner, given the neccessary attention, affection, correction and direction - Karina White.

Its hard for me to be submissive when i know the rest of the world is beneth me.

I have a strong urge that is spurred on from the hatred I have from those I used to call my family. I have no family and very few friends, (if I could even call them that)
Some of us live in a world of darkness and hatred, for ourselves and those around us. It is the way we are wired, I have tried nurmerous types of therapy but nothing has worked. I am programmed for the way I am, Hating something yet embracing it because it brings us a strange sense of positivity is a hard thing to do. As Obedientnwilling said at the end of the day we are left with broken dreams and a wistful rememberance of what once was.
Digging ones self out of a spiral of depression is extremely hard. I have never taken the easy route. I am a self-sabator, I know it but I can't help it. I have been in so many toxic and dangerous relationships (vanilla and BDSM based).
For me, embracing the hate and the darkness that rules my world, is my sense of homostasis. I do not embrace positivity or happiness because in my mind I know it will not last, because past experiences have shown otherwise.
Its not like I don't try to find happiness, I am just aware that it will not last.
I am toxic, I am well aware of how my presence affects people. So I chose to shut myself out, I reject human contact because I feel like I will, in some way, poison them. I do not wish my darkness and inner evil to rub off on anyone else. Revealing the way I am is cathargic.

I believe that nobody will accept me for who and how I am, and if they did, I'd be asking them to get a psych evaluation because anyone who embraces the toxicity that is me is definitely not right in the head.

I refuse to be saved becaues I believe I am too far gone for someone to help.

My situation right now is Lose-Lose, there is nothing to be gained from trying to save me from myself because at the end of the day the evil I believe in is evil that manifests itself inside of me, I have a darkness and hatred generator inside me and I have no idea where the off switch is.

Being choked and fucked until you pass out is a very strange sensation. It was like one moment I was there then the next I wasn't. When I opened my eyes my head felt so light, my eyes couldn't focus on anything, it was like my brain was in overload/shutdown, my heart was racing and I couldn't control anything. I was scared because I didn't know what my body was doing. It took me about 5 minutes to feel "normal" . That is the first time I have ever been choked to the point of blacking out. I would definitely do it again and again and again.
It was like one moment I was looking up into his eyes with his cock deep inside me then everything went black and when I opened my eyes I couldn't hear anything and I don't know if it was because he wasn't talking or if I simply just couldn't hear him. It took me a good 30 seconds to a minute to realise that I was empty and his cock wasn't inside me anymore.
Again I don't know if my hearing came back or if he had just started talking but he was asking me to do things, like move, but I couldn't do it, my eyes couldn't focus and my limbs wouldn't cooperate. I finally managed to find my voice and told him I couldn't and I felt funny and that I just needed a minute for my head to clear, but he was persistent and I just kept shaking my head until he got fed up with my inability to move that he moved me himself, all I wanted to do was lay down, I tried to and he scolded me and told me no, he then knelt or sat on the bed in front of me holding me by the arm so I didn't tumble off the bed and guided my head towards his cock, I grabbed it round the base and steadied myself, he told me to suck it and I just shook my head I couldn't, my body and head still felt like they was spiraling but at least they had slowed down a bit. Again, sick of my inability to function like a good cock sucking cum should, he growled and turned me around on my hands and knees and slammed his hot hard thick cock into my still dripping wet cunt and started fucking me again, I was still in a bit of a daze, but the clouds were clearing quick. Soon he was plowing into me harder than he was before. He spat on my face then rubbed it all over my face and called me HIS dirty little fucking slut, unfortunately due to one of his friends knocking on the door and then barging in on us, announcing he'd been in a car accident and he needed to put some stuff in a spare room, we had to stop and leave it at that. But not before my amazing Man pushed himself into me hard and painfully, before brutally ripping himself out of me causing me yelp in pain, he rubbed his spit around my face and down my neck again and then pulled his pants back on and told me to clean myself up. It was a completely new experience, one that I endeavor to repeat over and over again.
So,  Thank You to my Amazing Owner and Boyfriend for fulfilling a longtime fantasy of mine, you are amazing and I love you with all heart, which has been yours since the start.

anyone wanna buy this for me?

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Crash-Bandicoot-1-2-3-CTR-Crash-Bash-Complete-Set-Black-Label-/130930816968?pt=Video_Games_Games&hash=item1e7c15b7c8

I have a new number and a new yahoo ID, inbox me if you want it.
I also have kik, snapchat, whatsapp, facebook messenger, facebook and yahoo messenger all on my phone so, I am contactable 24/7 :D

What Owning me lets you do to me (not for the faint of heart)

I now have kik, snapchat, and whatsapp and facebook chat on my phone...so yeah I got no excuse not to talk to anyone now lol

Just a question that's been floating around my head. Do women find fat men attractive?
I've been wondering because a lot of guys say that bigger chicks can be hot...just curious if it works with the genders reversed.
Personally fat guys even overly tubby guys aren't appealing to me at all, but then again I'm a shallow cunt.

Submission is not a gift. In and of itself, submission is nothing except potential. What it is, is irrelevant. What it can be, is breathtaking.

Well it all starts with me being at home alone, DJ is at my parents place for the weekend and I'm having some me time, I'm watching TV, most likely a cartoon or maybe even game of thrones, and I'm having dinner. There is a knock at the door and I mute the tv and go and answer it. There is a note on the ground saying ''all alone tonight? How lucky for me'' I look around but there is no sign of anyone, so I shut the door and lock it and go back to eating and watching tv, the rest of the night passes without anything else happening, I then have a shower and go to bed, I lay in bed thinking about my day but I can't sleep so I take an endone which sends me off almost straight away. I'm out to the world, I don't hear anything, nothing disturbs me until I think I feel a weight lean in on the empty side of my bed, feeling and being lonely and under the influence of endone, I roll into the arms of someone, thinking its part of a dream i settle again quickly, who ever it is, caresses my body softly, explores it gently, making sure I don't wake but he enjoys the touch of my skin, how soft it is, he loves the way my hair flows down my back and over my shoulders, even in the dull moon light he can see my chest rising and falling. I roll back over to my side of the bed, for some reason this angers him and he tries to gently roll me back into his arms but I don't go. Something inside him silently snaps and his demeanor changes, he gets up quietly off the bed and walks over to the side I'm facing and bends down, watching my face as I sleep, how peaceful I look. His hand touches the side of my face then the side of my neck, his hand seems to feel as if it belongs around my neck, so slowly he wraps his hand around it, moving with my body as I roll onto my back almost willing him to go on. He carefully gets on top of me his hand still cradling my neck, then he starts to apply pressure, seeing how much he can use before my body reacts, but the endone has me out cold, he lets go of my neck and explores my chest and my stomach, my white skin seems to almost glow gently in the moonlight, he pinches my nipples, tugging on them gently, making a moan escape from me in my sleep, he does it again, my body starts to react to all his attention and caresses as my hips begin to move, my body craving it. He no longer wants me asleep, he's enjoyed my sleeping beauty, his hands get rougher on my skin, his palms pressing on my soft skin, causing me to stir, my eyes flicker and through a daze I see him, my brain not fully registering that he's there until I try to move and can't. Suddenly everything speeds up, I try to sit up, trying to push him off me but he laughs and pushes my back down, I try to sit up again, this makes him laugh harder as he enjoys his little game and pushes my down harder, before holding me down by my neck, putting his face very close to mine. I shut my eyes and turn my head away. He lets my neck go and grabs a handful of my hair and tilts my head back, exposing my throat, slapping me lightly, warningly telling me to open my eyes, I keep my eyes shut and he slaps harder, I open my eyes and he tightens his grip on my hair tilting my head further, painfully causing my back to arch, he bites and licks at neck, sending hot chills through my body. His other hand makes its way between my legs, where a considerable amount of moisture has collected, he starts rubbing my clit and pussy hard. Then he whispers in my ear. ''I'm going to make you mine and after tonight you will belong to me and only me for as long as you live'' He bites into my neck, causing me to cry out. My cries are like a shot of heroin for him, driving him on, he starts forcing fingers into my soaking wet pussy, my legs kick uselessly as he easily keeps them open, he finger fucks me with three fingers, making me feel pleasure and pain at the same time, this seems to go on for what seems like hours before he removes his fingers and rubs them on my face telling me that I'm going to make a good bitch for me. I go to say something but he slaps me, hard, I yelp and he slaps me again and again. Before getting back on top of me and putting a hand around my throat and the other in my hair, tilting my head back, forcing my mouth open and spitting down my throat, then he slaps me again, he rolls me over and pulls me to the side of the bed, my ass hanging off the edge, he grabs a flogger and starts flogging me, hard, the hardest I've ever been flogged, till I'm in tears but somehow I can't ask him to stop. He eventually stops, maybe his arm go tired, he grabs the back of my neck and pushes me up the bed, my ass exposed, my body shaking from the pain of the flogger, he then starts slapping my ass, turning it even redder. Holding me down on the bed by my neck, my ass in the air. He stops slapping it. My breath ragged and I'm still slightly sobbing, he tells me to stay still and I do. He grabs a blade and starts lightly running over my skin, making me break out in goosebumps, slowly he starts to apply more pressure and I can feel the blade start to cut into my skin, I can't help it and I move, he takes the blade off my skin and flips me over onto my back and slaps me so hard I see stars, ''I told you not to move!'' he hisses at me, he never raises his voice but his voice was so cold and deadly that it scared me just as much, i feel a coppery taste and I can tell he's split my lip. He pushes me into the mattress and slaps me again, dazing me. I lay there stunned. He takes advantage of this moment and grabs four lengths of chain, and ties each one of my limbs to each corner of the bed. The chains are uncomfortable and bite into my wrists and ankles but I can't move a millimeter. I'm laying, spread out looking up at my ceiling, my breathing heavy my pulse racing. I turn my head and see him holding the blade. ''I could kill you right now, I could end your life'' he reinforces his statement by putting the knife at the side of neck and nicking me, a small cut appears and starts to seep. '' but you are much too valuable for that'' he moves the blade to otherside and nicks me again. ''I'm going to make sure that you and everyone else knows that you are mine and mine only'' He lays the blade across my throat. He moves to the end of the room, getting something from a bag. ''do you know what cell popping is?'' he asks as he pulls out a blow torch and a thin metal rod. For the first time I find my voice ''please! Anything but that, I'll do anything for you but please not that!'' This makes him smile as also grabs some cloth tape from his bag ''oh sweety, you'll do anything for me anyway, this is just your one and only reminder that you will never get rid of me, I will never be far away and that you will always belong to me'' He puts a thick layer of cloth tape over my mouth, muffling my noise completely He sparks up the blow torch and heats up the end of the metal rod till its white hot, then presses it into the skin just above my left. The pain sears through my body, causing my lungs to scream into the tape. But my muffled screams don't deter him and he heats up the metal rod and presses it into my skin. It takes him at least an hour of reheating and pressing the rod into my skin, until his initials are embedded into my skin, neatly and professionally. He leaves the room and goes to the bathroom and comes back with a bowl of cold water and ice, he pulls some gauze and tape from his bag, and gently and tenderly cleans and dresses the engraving on my skin. He takes the tape off my mouth and looks into my eyes. My eyes are tired and i am mentally and physically worn out from the pain ''your my girl now'' he kisses me gently as he undoes the chains around my limbs. His hands rub all over my strained joints but not touching his engraving. He then set me up on all fours on the side of the bed, I am so tired that my front half falls and my head and chest rest on the bed and my ass stays in the air. ''that's my girl'' he starts to push his cock into my pussy that is slightly wet and starts to fuck me slowly. ''my pussy, my cunt, my whore'' his thrusts are hard and slow, pounding into me, he then reach forward and pulls me up by my hair ''if you ever betray me, I will make you walk down the main street naked, stand you on the steps of the police station and slit your throat'' he pushes me back down and takes his cock out of my pussy and starts pushing into my ass, I groan and pull myself forward, this makes him smile ''oh my little pet, I love it when you fight'' before he grabs my hips and firmly pulls me back onto his cock, forcing it up my ass slowly. Then fucking it until the sun comes up, as the sun rises. He kneels me in front of him pulls my hair into a ponytail with his hand and slowly fucks my face, I look up at him, he takes his cock from my mouth and kisses me on the forehead ''My slave'' he slaps my face lightly then puts his cock back in my mouth, holding me by hair and my throat he fucks my face until he cums down my throat just as the suns rays enter the room. He lays me down next to me and wraps me up in his arms and we fall asleep. Owner and Owned.

I serve with my mind, heart and soul, not with my cunt, mouth and ass, why do people have an issue with that?

Why is it people insist on living in a false reality?

I live in the real world, I don't delude myself into believing in scenarios that just aren't practical.

An example of this would be what a man said during a correspondence with me.

"Do you know I will be naked around you most of the time I am with you?"

I can not measure the scale of the magnitude of eye rolling this comment brought.

It maybe practical for some people to spend their days roaming around the house naked.

But I'm a full time mum and I work, my son is with me the whole time ( I work when he is asleep). The man who was corresponding with me knew this, How or why he thought what he was going to do would work or somehow impress me, well only a higher power would know.

Please Gentleman can we please try and stay in reality?

Intelligent Doms who can't spell intelligent...Kinda like looking through a colored window, you can see stuff but its the wrong color

Went to Naughty and Nice on Beaumont street this evening...wasn't expecting so many people there lol

Random thought - Am I the only one who thinks kinky sex and BDSM are completely different things?

I know the whole "doing kink-inclined" things during sex is a gray area for most people but I think regardless of the activities whether it be flogging, spanking, wax play,masturbation, even knife play (to a certain extent) during sex or a sexual activity isn't BDSM but just kinky sex.

For me BDSM is the mental aspect and kink is the physical side, neither of which are mutually exclusive (of course)

Speaking from experience, What someone does to you physically can affect you for a long time, but what someone does to you mentally can affect and stay with you forever. Some memories like actions, but for me more so, words can never be forgotten...no matter how hard you try

Well that was the closest thing I've had to a date recently...not bad

-interesting thought i came up with-
Women getting wet when they get raped dates back to caveman times when there wasn't the availability for conversation or the ability to ask or decline. The female body developed over time to lubricate itself in order lessen pain. So just because a woman is wet doesn't mean she is mentally acceptable to sex.

-scientific fact -Also the the emotion that women feel when feeling sexual arousal also come from the same part of the brain that the emotion of fear comes from. Hence why women get wet when they get scared -scientific fact end - unless they piss themselves that just means the brain has fried and wires have been crossed.

Working for my Boss who is also my ex Owner...dedication to my craft, self imposed self-emotional masochism or pathetic?

Happy 24th Bday....now where the hell is my birthday floggings and spanks?!

Satan! come do your job!!! lol

Jesus may love you but I still think your a cunt...by the way Jesus doesn't exist...so your just a cunt and nobody loves you.

"No Scammers Please"...yeah like that's gonna stop them...lmao dumbass

Is it just me or is it every time I see the word "discreet" in a profile it immediately means they are looking for someone to cheat on their partner with?

I NEED KINK DAMNIT!

Damn blowjob week...my boobs hurts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9vrP5lK1kI

So Done With This Lifestyle.

So Done With Being Used.

So Done With Being Fucked Over.

Its Like Nobody Values Me.

Like Nobody Values What I have To Offer.

Fuck All The Doms, Fuck The Lifestyle.

Fuck All The Liars, Fuck All The Fakes.

Fuck All The Users, Fuck All The Players.

I want my faith back!

I wish my life would go back to when I was happy.

This site, just like MY submissive tendencies, is dead in the water.

I dub this year The Year of The Asshole.

Show me True Dominance and I will show you True Submission.

I gave you all of me, you fed my desire, you enabled my addiction, then you gave all the parts you took from and threw them back at me, yet now I feel I have gained nothing and lost everything. you were my stability, my strength, my desire, my lust. You brought peace to my otherwise chaotic life.

I want that back, I don't need it but I want it.Do not walk away from the best thing that could happen to the both of us. (apart from our kids)

You keep your word and I'll keep mine.

And when you say your going to call...fucking call.

I've stayed up until 6 a.m. for the past 4 nights waiting for your call....at least flick me a god damn text once in a while, is that too much too ask?

I got bored and did this.....http://www.pof.com/seductionresults.aspx?result=443vk2qwcnmpxownr0ktlllj27063

And a ray of hope is born

Que sera, sera

I'm falling, and not gracefully. It feels like a nightmare but its worse because I'm awake. The pain isn't easing...Its only getting worse.

The one time i didn't set up a safety net is the one time I really needed one.

Either He didn't know how much He mattered to me, or he knew and just didn't care as much as he might've.

I wish he'd given me more time...Some people would say he's the one who lost...they are wrong I lost and now I am lost.

The path used be so well lit...now I'm back to stumbling in the dark.

Some throw me a glow stick or a torch, a match or something.

That light at the end of the tunnel...Is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

LMAO i NEARLY PISSED MYSELF LAUGHING    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA

Life is back to normal :)

FUck FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!

My Owner has been arrested, I don't know whats going on. I've puked twice and still in the process of trying not to have a complete panic attack.

It's more than love. It's need. It's obsession. I have to have you, no matter what the cost.

Been staring at my phone for the past hour, mentally screaming "RING MOTHERFUCKER RING!!!!!"

- I'm a Gold Medalist Holder in Placer - Bridger

LMAO!!!!!

best laugh I've had today

All that has been taken, all that has been stolen, is still mine, I'm just renting it to you, its up to me when the lease is up.

Do you have any idea how hard it is not to blab on about how much you wish you were with them?

How much you crave their touch on your skin?

How you would give almost anything to be in the same room as them?

It is extremely hard not press the issue.

I need him like I need air.

He's as significant as air; only unimportant when i'm not getting it, and I need it to survive.

Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul

I actually think this holds more weight than people give credit for

Paint me blue and change my name to Felatio smurf

Take the mind first the body will follow forever.

Take the body first and the mind will run forever.

COZ I COULD

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One (November 22 to December 21)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offence forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying

You never cause me stress.

Distress is a whole other matter :D

Very very few can go toe to toe with me and come out on top. You made the game enjoyable again. In the past week you have taught me so much, and I've absorbed every word. You weren't lying when you told me you built Strong Units. But as I've said to You before, soon you will build me up so strong that not even you will be able to tear me down and on that day I will have won, like I usually do.

I want you to lust me.

I want you to need me

I want you to crave me

I want you to show me things I never thought existed.

I want you to lead me into the darkness, so deep that it envelopes us both.

I want you to love me

I want you to desire me

I want you to destroy me

I want to be the one you rebuild

I want to be a staple in your diet.

I want to be everything you want

I want to be everything you need

I want to be the light in your darkness

I want to be the one you go to when you have a problem

I want to be the one you confide in

I want to be everything to you

I wonder if you think about me as often as I think about you

It feels nice to have purpose again.

To feel needed, appreciated.

It brings me great comfrot that i can enlighten someones day just by being myself, to not have to hold back.

Its comforting to know that I have met me who truely enjoys who I am and what i stand for.

I am greatful for the opportunity to be able to give everything I have yet it still seems like nothing.

To have a connection with someone who makes you feel alive just by breathing the same air.

Although being held up so high makes a fall all the more scarier.

Please don't let me fall.

I've never been one to have someone else hold me up. But with you, everything seems right, even the things that intrensically wrong.

Please don't take advantage of what you have found and opened up inside me.

To You i would never give it all but its good to know that if you wanted my all, you could take it so easily.

You enjoy the fighter in me, You craver her, you crave who I am and what i stand for.

Again, please don't let this fighter crash and burn, Like so many have let happen before you.

Come as soon as you get a cam everyone expects you to get naked infront of them?

Its called Modesty and Intergrity. I have it.

Don't you love that enlightened feeling when you finally start playing and dealing with someone on your own level.

Why is it some Dominants/Masters don't like submissives/slaves who have a self esteem and respect for themselves.

I don't see the appeal in Dominating something that rolls over when its told to, where is the challenge in that?

Wouldn't in be more satisfying to have a woman who is strong and independant relinquish control of herself to you?

I am a submissive Alpha Female. What does that mean?

It means I will not have my will bent by some dimwitted, muscled up jerk who can't put together a full sentence. I am strong, I am defiant, I am independant and I will not settle for someone who is beneath me mentally.

Being physically Dominant towards me is only %25 of what it takes to control me.

I am smart and intelligent as if your a dumbass and can only think with your cock, then I am better than you, I am strong than you and I will NOT give up control to you.

It takes more than brawn to control my brain.

Sure muscles and tattooes maybe the attraction but its not going to keep me at your feet. It isn't all about you, it isn't all about me. Its about us and how we can fulfill the void we each have in our lives, Mentally and Physically.

A real Master is one who inspires submission from one who is strong in her identity, personality and sense of self.

Having heard that, I say Nobody will ever take my submission the only way they have it is if I give it to them

How do I determin Dominance?

Its in His voice, Its in His eyes and its in His attitude.

Does every man want to make a porno or is just the guys I sleep with?

I'm taking a LONG Hiatus, cheers to my friends, I'll chat with you in a few months time.

I am happy to announce that "period week" will now be called "blow job week"

Happy Bday to me :D

23 :P

The smallest things can feel like such an achievement, tonight was one of those things, I felt so comfortable, so relaxed, i wasn't nervous or stressed out like I thought i would be.

the devotion and admiration i feel for my Master is never ending. He makes me feel like my submission is important and apprieciated, There is no better feeling...well there will be in a weeks time :D

A Milestone...never thought i would get through one of those, turns out i did and i am a better slave for it. I give all my appreciation to My Lord for giving me the confidence to get me through it, He truely is the best man alive.

He helped me prove my dedication to him, and i thank him deeply for it. Thank You My Lord, you truely are my God.

Pathetic
Impotent
Maladjusted
Pig

LMAO!!!! 

yay just ordered my tail :D yay me

so its three a.m. in the morning, my tooth is driving me crazy and I can't sleep, eh what am I going to do? :(

Looking for something very specific completely not D/s related well it might but thats up to you.

Online Roleplay - must be detailed, precise, plausable and realistic

I will be a werewolf pup you will be a Vampire. You will kidnap me, use me, abuse me, if possible be just like James out of twilight, if you do not know do not ask.

Fuck You Centerlink, Fuck You Newcastle Bus Service and Fuck You rain!

Criss Angel would  be my ultimate Dom

I'm sure anothere psychotic, creepy guy will eventually cross my path again, it only took 7 years for the first one, so god knows how longs its going to take to find another

I curled up on the bed, my face still stinging my eyes puffy and red from crying.

my fear had subsided but my pain hadn't. He said he would be back, i didn't doubt that at all.

I decided I wouldn't be here if he did, I grabbed my room key and headed out, in my panic i accidently ran on to the road and got hit by a car. The end

international flight, i didn't like flying to being with so this was a big step. I boarded the plane and to my seat next to a window. the flight took forever, it seemed like eternity, little did I knoew that my fun vacation was going to be the turning point of my existance. I landed in California, it was just how it looked in the postcards, blue skys sand beaches and the nice heat of the sun. i hailed a cab and headed to my hotel, i got out of the cab and headed into my prebooked hotel room. I was planning on going to go see the sights and get used to that amazing american accent. The was a knock at my door, i though it might've been room service. It wasn't. This was the moment that changed my life, my role and my perspective. standing in the door way was a 6ft2 muscular man. a shiver ran down my spine. cruel, unforgiving brown eyes. a tattoo high on his right bicep. Rex. my mouth and throat went dry, this was the beginning of the end. he walked past me and I shut the door, my hand along with my entire body was shaking, just his very presence made me feel weak, i was not prepared, i was not in the right head space, I had come to California as a pit stop before i was heading to Atlanta to catch up with friends. I was not expecting Him. after my initial shock wore off i wondered how on earth he knew where to find me...I mentally slapped myself, facebook, my blog, anywhere online i frequented, i had told just about everyone where I was going, where i would be staying, i remember the last message i sent to him was "who knows, we might run into each other lol" laugh at loud? not now. I remember the conversations we used to have, it all surrounded one thing, I needed him, I wanted him, i craved him. i often whined that i would never be able to feel his grip on my neck or his belt on my back. I bite my lip, i knew i was going to feel his hands, his feet, his belt and anything other impliment he decided to use. The fear felt so strong now I thought I was going to be sick, you never really know how big 6ft3 is until its towering over you with a smile that scare the shit out satan himself. I was in trouble, i knew he knew it and he was relishing it. He could sense my fear, hell i wasn't doing very well at hiding it. my fear had added fuel to what was already a very open hot flame that was spurring on his need to hurt, to inflict pain, to listen to the helpless screams of his victim. my fight or flight instinct had well and truely kicked in, the door was shut and I knew with his physique that his reflexes seriously outdid my own. I wanted to run, hide. but my brain kept me rooted to the spot i watched him. This was a dangerous man, I knew it, and yet i still came to California because my brain wanted to face this, but now that he was right there infront of me, i wished that I had gone straight to Atlanta...too late now. In a flash his hand was around my throat cutting off my right to breath, he literally picked me up my throat and threw me onto the double bed, i was in shock. I scooted up to the very top of the bed, my heart was beating in my throat. he stood at the foot of the bed and surveyed his new victem, he was going to enjoy stripping me of everything i had, my mental state, my beliefs, my morals, and my sense of being human. He grabbed both my ankles and pulled me down to the end of the bed and grabbed me by my throat, he had already worked out that it was the quickest way to immobilize me. He slapped me across the face, i let out a loud yelp and tried to sheild myself but it was pointless, he just grabs both my hands with one of his and pinned my legs to the edge of the bed with his weight and continued to slap me, it wasn't long before i was in tears, sobbing uncontrolably, my face was so sore and red, it felt like my lip had been split. he then told me to stay where I was and that he would be back, then he left, closing the door behind him, this was only the start. What had just happened was a mere fairy tale compared to what was to come in the coming months. Soon i would truely know what it meant to be a painwhore.

Funny how speaking to someone new can bring up old memories, old fantasies and even reignite something inside of you that you thought you had lost.

Reconnecting with something that was so close to your core being can rock you to the very center of your psychi.

It has certainly taken me for a spin. my brain doesn't know up from down but it knows right from wrong

In my mind Dreams and Nightmares have become one. its like standing on the side of a boat and ahead of me is a shark cage with a great white circling it..should I jump in and feel the rush or stay on the boat and miss out..fuck it I'm gonna jump in.

how come everytime I follow an order I immediately get ignored? I mean what the hell?!?!?!

FFS if you want to run my life do it...don't leave me hanging wondering what the hell I should do next

I understand why women seek rape...what they really want to experience is brute force...the more serious side of rough sex...I don't think most comprehend that rape doesn't mean being taken by a 6ft2 strappingly handsome man.....rape usually comes from either seedy men who haven't had a shower in days...or worse overweight nasty men, its never what they choose or imagine Rape isn't a choice, its a crime. Rough sex on the other hand can have the illusion but the one key difference is the girl gets to choose who takes her that way.

just got an interesting message...I would like to restate my opinion...there is no such thing a sane, happy slave...in my book body mutation (not modification) isn't sane

my mind is as deep as the deepest ocean, yours is as deep as the fish bowl in my bedroom

just my brain ticking over again, I've come to the realization that these days there is no such thing as a slave. if I go by everyone's definition of a slave, a slave has no limits...well I've yet to meet anyone who doesn't have at least one limit.

Limits are completely reasonable. But to say you have no limits is absolute crap. Even the most discusting shit that not even the nastiest fucker out there would do is still considered a limit. EVERYONE has a limit, therefore the is no such thing as a slave.

It takes more than you have to tame me, deal with it.

Choke me

Spank me

Pull my hair

Tell me what a naughty girl I am if you dare.

Strip me

Flog me

Sweep me off my feet

These are the days I will find complete

Love me

Adore me

Cherish me

Because with out you I can never be all I can be

getting into DaddyDom/Daughter fetish, I find intruiging since I never had a father who was around to raise me

Strip me and whip me And tear me apart Pull down the walls of this black broken heart Thrill me and grill me And tell me I rock Rip out the throats of the ones that we mock Laugh at me joke at me Call me your names I cant be fucked with your childish games Tempt me and tease me And tie me in chains Run away looking for someone to blame Undress me caress me Suck out my soul When we are done well no longer be whole Stroke me and choke me Stop up my air Tie me with razor wire to a chair Wrap me and slap me Please just make me moan Do me and dump me on the devils throne Cut me you prick And suck my blood dry What ever you do make sure that I cry My pain is my your pleasure You make me so weak But youre the only person who ever loved this freak undo my shoes Come on now babyWe've got nothing to lose!

Sticks and stonesmay break my bones,but whips and chains excite me.So throw me down,tie me up,and show me how much you like me!

how come everytime I hear the words "that is all for now" it reminds me of being a minion in an evil lair that is trying to take over the world?

and why does the voice always sound like Neo Cortex?

I just found this while profile surfing, it made me wet instantly, it worries me lol

"One of my favorite things to do is to put one hand firmly against a woman's throat the other stroking her hair while we kiss deeply and then I slowly pull my lips away and assert "come get it, slut!" so she has to lean forward and choke herself against my firmly planted hand to get a kiss."

After looking at a lot of profiles on here i find it strange that most people's opening line runs along the lines of " I don't really know what to put here" Or "I hate filling these things out"

The reason I find it strange is because I always thought BDSM was about communication, how can you say you know what your doing when you can't fill out a simple box describing yourself and what you want?

“I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Marilyn Monroe