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lilithXbathory

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lilithXbathory

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"The true heart of a slave, knows only desire and unselfish commitment to the pleasure of her Master, whatever that pleasure may be." I won't sit here and say I'm something amazing because while I do know my worth I'm not an egotistical person by any means. What I can say is I am me, and while I don't exactly know how to put that into words I can say my friends don't complain and many would say nice things. I'm intelligent, kind , sweet and pretty blunt if you can't handle that it's best you don't try to talk to me for fear that you'll end up butt hurt in the end. Fair warning I can be a bitch if it is warranted so keep that in mind. In the end I am also shy for this I won't apologize just don't take offense if I don't send a message after viewing you. A good way to get an idea of how my mind works is to read my journals on here. If my writing bothers you it's simple don't read it. *I'm shy if I viewed you and didn't send a message please don't be offended I don't always know what to say* Being your slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world without end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love, that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill. ~Shakespeare: sonnet 57~

I recently saw a profile using the term "punishment" in a fun way so I thought perhaps it was time to write my own thoughts on the matter. Punishment is used to curb a behavior that a Dominant sees as undesirable to their specific needs. The reason for punishment is simply to teach or on the bottoms perspective learn a lesson that something is not okay to do. It is to correct a problem with behavior and even blatant disregard to rules and tasks.

More and more I see people using the term punishment in ways that state perhaps that they mean play. If you want to have fun and beat someones ass or have some epic cathartic scene that's great and I'm sure your partner would enjoy that but inevitably that is NOT punishment. If something that is supposed to be a punishment is enjoyed it wouldn't correct the problem. Instead it would instill the fact that in order to have fun all they have to do is be a brat and top from the bottom. I understand that different people enjoy this lifestyle in different ways but in retrospect punishment isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to correct bad behavior.

I'm all for having wonderful scenes among other fun activities don't get me wrong. The bottom line is I don't understand why it seems certain aspects of this glorious lifestyle are being used interchangeably. Punishment isn't another word for playing or scenes. I understand that not everyone is into this lifestyle 24/7 I'm not naive. I just wonder how many people truly know all that this entails. If you want to be a sub or slave awesome kudos to you. The same is said if you want to be a Dom or a Top of any kind. Just please take the time to learn the terminology and how things work.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the slaves prayer and what it means to me every slave hopes to find the passion and the fire within to fully understand it and recently I've found it so here is the slaves prayer piece by piece and what it means to me. Below is the original then further down I broke it into pieces and wrote an in depth interpretation on it in my opinion.

Allow girl the strength to answer questions she cannot fathom.
Allow girl the spirit to know His needs.
Allow girl the serenity to serve Him in peace.
Allow girl the love to show Him herself.
Allow girl the tenderness to comfort Him.
Allow girl wisdom to be an asset to Him.
Let girl be able to show Him each day her love of her service to Him.
Let girl open herself up too completely belong to Him.
Let girl accept her punishment with the grace of a woman.
Let girl learn to please Him, beyond herself.
Grant girl the power to give herself to Him completely.
Give girl the strength to please us both.
Premit girl to love herself, in loving Him.
For it is her greatest wish, her highest power, to make His life complete as He makes hers.


Allow girl the strength to answer questions she cannot fathom.
To me this means something that sounds so basic but it in all actuality very deep and complex. There will be times that someone will ask a question of you. When it is asked however, you may not fully know the answer to it. It is then that you will have to be able to go deep within yourself with the question at hand and find an answer to it. You need to have the emotional depth and mental strength to look in places that you may not have known existed and find the answers. Everyone has things buried deep inside that they may or may not realize are there. Some of these places house things that the person knows about but are too afraid to admit. Many times I've seen it happen that a person is not happy until they stop pretending to be something they're not. At some point when one is fully owned by their Master, in order to be completely open and honest with your Master you will have to dive deep and be completely open with Him without reservations or fears, for one cannot surrender completely with fear in their heart or not being 110% completely open and honest.

Allow girl the spirit to know His needs.
A slaves number one priority should be the pleasure and happiness of her Master, you will find often that anticipation will go hand in hand with His happiness. This does not mean you have to be a mind reader it simply means to pay close attention to detail. What does He like to have or do right after work? How does He like His coffee prepared? What is His all-time favorite meal or activity after a long day at work? Details will become your best friend. Find the power within yourself to do this to the best of your abilities. His happiness matters most in everything.

Allow girl the serenity to serve Him in peace.
First and foremost as a slave you have to come to terms with whom and what you are this can be hard for some but don’t deny yourself.There will be times when you may not feel like obeying an order but being a slave comes with much responsibility. When you become someone’s property you made the choice to always obey that person. At times you will have to find your inner peace to serve reverently with joy always. The word no can’t be in your heart if you’re choosing to be owned property. There should not be negative feelings involved with serving someone; you should feel joy in every sense of service. That is where serenity and reverence comes in to play. If you do not feel completely free serving someone there is a chance they are not the Master for you.

Allow girl the love to show Him herself.
Many people have different masks they wear at different times. There are very valid reasons for this it’s true but when it comes to your Master you have to love yourself enough to show Him all of you every broken piece. Don’t pretend to be things you’re not, don’t feel shame for not being as strong as you lead on. A Master should know the full and true real you. Love yourself enough to take off all the masks around Him and He will be the rock you need anytime you need it. He needs to know everything about you and needs to know that you are what He wants and needs so hiding the real you isn’t fair to either of you.

Allow girl the tenderness to comfort Him.
This one is a little hard to put into words at times. Even the strongest Master sometimes needs a shoulder and tenderness. Some find this part hard I personally am always like this, but you need to be able to see that even though He is Master, He is also human and there will be times you need to be there for comfort and reassurance. Understanding as well, if He just needs you there with your head in His lap while He thinks then so be it. Everyone needs a rock now and then, especially the One who has agreed to take charge of your well-being as well as to be your rock always.

Allow girl wisdom to be an asset to Him.
When you beg a collar from a Master, you are offering yourself to be His property. To be blunt about it though who wants someone who will prove to be a liability and not an asset? When you wear His collar about your throat, you then hold His very honor in your hand. Every move you make you do with His person. Every word you speak you say with His voice. It takes wisdom to keep this at the front of your mind when He’s not with you. It will take time until thinking before every action comes naturally, generally rule of thumb is though, if He wouldn’t find it pleasing if He were there don’t do it.

Let girl be able to show Him each day her love of her service to Him.
This is what it’s all about any Master wants a slave that loves to be pleasing and revels in it, that isn’t the problem. The problem lays within sick days or bad days those are the days when you have to get creative. This is another area where attention to detail comes in, is there a specific thing that He loves that you thoroughly enjoy? The bad days are the days when you need to allow your love of it to shine through with sheer and utter brilliance even though you may not feel the best. Even when you’re feeling your worst you love of subservience has to be able to still shine through unclouded which is hard but trust me possible.

Let girl open herself up to completely belong to Him.
Being someone’s property may sound easy enough but when it comes down to it a new area comes in to focus. If you have fears that keep you from being open or honest. Maybe there are some deep seated reservations that keep you from being completely open with yourself. There will come a point where you either care for Him enough that you no longer have them or there comes a time when you part ways and have to give up. If no is in your heart you cannot fully belong to someone. If you love someone enough eventually nothing matters as long as they’re right there beside you that is all that matters. No inhibitions no fears, no reservations, just 100% obedience, joy, love and subservience without a second thought.

Let girl accept her punishment with the grace of a woman.
A slave can strive for perfection but that does not mean she will achieve it. No matter how hard you try there will be times you stumble and fall. There may also be times you are outright obstinate even if you don’t mean to be. Punishment is meant to be corrective and when it’s needed you need to accept it with humility and grace. Punishment happens to correct bad behavior, use it as an opportunity to better understand yourself and correct things for the future. It’s imperative to accept it without whining or complaint, if you did something to mess up accept your punishment and learn from it. Knowing it isn’t fun or pleasant and at times can be painful is a good thing you’re not supposed to seek punishment, it’s supposed to deter you from making the same mistakes twice.

Let girl learn to please Him, beyond herself.
To me this is a very complex one, it means that not only should you please Him when He is present or has given you specific rules but also that He captures your mind , body, heart, and soul. Meaning that every time something pops into your mind the first question towards the answer should be how could He be pleased by this, or how can I adapt this that it would please Him. This means again that His pleasure should far surpass your own. In the end a happy Master leads to a happy slave.

Grant girl the power to give herself to Him completely.
This is one of those deep thought provoking areas. What exactly does completely mean? A word can have several definitions depending on who you ask. To me it means quite literally everything within limitations. A slave needs to be able to be happy with herself before trying to be with someone else however you give Him your happiness so that He may revel in the fact that He makes it brighter. A slave gives her Master her love so that He might find comfort in it and return it from Himself. A slave gives Him her fears so that He can understand where she comes from and what may fuel certain actions or reactions, so that He might help her conquer them. Quite literally everything mind, body, and soul. His body that I might use it to complete daily tasks, whether it be cleaning the house or writing something He wishes. His mind so that I might think of better ways to please Him and bring smiles on a rough day, and so that I might be wise enough to debate topics of interest with Him. His soul so that I may live my days to uphold His honor, bring Him joy and strive to be everything He needs and wants. His heart that I use to love Him without question or doubt.

Give girl the strength to please us both.
A slave receives much of her pleasure and happiness from her service to her Master. A slave is happy when she’s being pleasing to her Master; she also gets pleasure from rewards she may receive when she has been exceptionally good. But in some circumstances it takes strength to put her wants and needs on hold to put His first. It takes time to get to that point but once it is achieved it is an amazingly freeing experience. It makes a slave completely selfless. I personally can find joy in anything I do for my Master although each slave is different. A Master slave relationship takes a great deal of commitment but it is well worth all the hard work and difficult times. I wouldn’t trade the feeling of calm and being free for anything in the world. I’ve only felt this once in all my years as a slave but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world you have my word on that.

Permit girl to love herself, in loving Him.
If you do not love yourself or love yourself in your service to Him, it may be time to look for a new relationship. A Master should instill a sense of pride in you, pride for being able to love Him so much that you pour your love into everything you do for Him. A Master should also instill in you a sense of self-worth, not only because you are his prized possession but because, slavery on the whole is something that comes of a deep seeded root or need within. If you don’t know your self worth or think of yourself as worthless you are of no use to a Master. If you don’t have pride and know your worth neither will anyone else but that’s something entirely different. If He didn’t find you overall pleasing you wouldn’t be with Him. Praise is just as important in a Master slave relationship as punishment because if it wasn’t for praise how would a slave know she is doing right. The main point to this one is love yourself in how you love and serve your Master. If He and you are happy that is all that matters, no matter what anyone else says. Those who don’t understand such a deep connection may bad mouth it or say negative things but those things should not bother you one bit.

For it is her greatest wish, her highest power, to make His life complete as He makes hers.
This is the biggest part of the slave’s prayer. It brings a quote to mind from one of the gor books “Though I am slave," she said, "yet for the first time in my life, I am free." Page 303 nomads of gor. The desire to be His everything is of utmost importance. It’s very much so a two way stress His happiness for yours. Master slave relationships cannot exist without each part, it’s an eternal circle of trust, commitment , devotion, obedience and love. A slave’s surrender empowers the Master as His guidance and order, sets you free within your slavery and submission. Two halves of the perfect whole, yin and yang but part of the slaves half is the desire to please and obey. With all of that said I leave the readers with a quote I came up with years ago when I first started the decent into being a slave, it’s something that I didn’t fully understand until recently that is this. “a slave a true slave , her heart only knows two things , desire , and unselfish commitment to the pleasure of her Master , whatever that pleasure may be” . I chose to be a slave and I never once regretted that decision.

One last thought for the evening about my favorite mythological creature the Phoenix pull up a chair and hear the tale.

 

The Phoenix's song was so melodious that Apollo Himself stopped the very Sun in its tracks to listen. The Phoenix was the only one of his kind and had no mate; therefore, when he died, then his song would die with him. To keep this from happening, the God of Music granted this GORGEOUS bird Eternal Life.

 

The other animals were filled with jealous rage. The Phoenix did not ask Apollo for such a gracious gift, yet everyone wanted to flaunt his vibrant feathers - rich purple and deep indigo, bright yellows and lovely jades. They picked the poor bird almost clean bald, ostracizing him for having gained Apollo's favor. In pain and panic this beautiful bird, through no fault of his own, was driven from his home by the cruelty and the bullying of the other animals.

 

The Phoenix found an isolated and desolate area by a well and, there, dedicated his life to singing to the Sun. He vowed to Apollo that his song would belong forever to Him alone. For 500 years, he sang his song to the Sun so the Music God could enjoy the sounds which the bird emitted - safe from the jealousy, competition and bullies which abounded back at home.

 

While Apollo had granted His precious song-bird Eternal Life, He had neglected to grant this poor bird Eternal Youth, and 500 years is a long time. Five hundred years later, the Phoenix would cry out for Apollo's mercy daily. The bird was old and he was tired. He wanted to pass on his mantle somehow to another creature. Finally, in desperation, he gathered up sweet-smelling bark from the cinnamon tree, the sap from the myrrh tree and clove buds (the Phoenix did have a weakness for aromatic scents) and he made his way back to his place of origin. He needed to gain Apollo's attention somehow - and where better but the place where he had originally caught it?

 

Finally, atop a palm tree, he built a nest. In front of the progeny of those who had treated the Phoenix so poorly, he called out to the Sun one last time. Apollo, greatly moved by his song-bird's plight and show of need, granted his request and sent a ray of straight sunlight to the bird, catching his funeral pyre ablaze - bird and all.

Out of these ashes, the new Phoenix hatches and matures in a matter of moments, collects his predecessor's ashes, puts them into the egg that he just hatched from. Then he makes his long migration to Heliopolis, the City of the Sun, to allow his Father to rest in Hallowed Ground. Apollo, who granted him Eternal Life, will forever watch over him and not allow anyone else to pluck any Phoenix bald or treat the remains poorly. The fledgeling, in the Temple of the Sun, makes his vow to Apollo - the same vow that every Phoenix makes: "I will sing only for You, Oh Sun!"

 

He then returns to his home beside the Well to fulfill that obligation for the next 500 years. Apollo will never be without His melodious Song-Bird.

Laying in bed awake at 4 am leads to interesting random thoughts here are a few I felt like sharing. . .

 

Apparently anymore people are using CM to use people for money and it's pathetic that they use people like that and that people actually do it.

 

The first email isn't always easy to do, and especially when your shy hence why I'm not one for sending them.

 

Dick pictures are not impressive at ALL size doesn't matter what matters is if you know how to use it properly.

 

Reading profiles is good however sometimes journals tell more

 

*yes these are some random things I think about when insomnia is kicking my ass*

We all know the saying your kink is not my kink but that's okay and I fully agree with that 110%. There are many types of age players out there they range in different ages , they all like different things but on that note not all littles are sexualized and that's completely okay. my little personally is 2 she loves cuddles , attention , cartoons, Disney movies , stuffies , binkies my blankie , cuddling , hello kitty, princesses , cookies, penguins , pandas , spankins and the corner is mean but I am not a sexualized little. To be honest if anything sexual were to happen around me when I'm in little space it would probably scare me and scar me more importantly. I think it would be completely deplorable for anyone to force any nonsexualized little to be around such things and anybody that does should use a hot curling iron as an insertable toy in one of their orifices because it is NOT consensual which makes it wrong. It's completely wrong , this lifestyle is already difficult to live in with the negative stigma that surrounds it, but for someone to cause stristyle that will only add to the negative stigma that surrounds it. The point I'm trying to get at is if you're a sexualized little that is completely 100% fine with me but I choose not to witness it and other nonsexualized littles have the same choice that they should get to make. Don't shove your kink down somebodies throat unless they ask nicely ;). Everyone is entitled to their own belief system within this lifestyle however not everyone is going to agree with everyone else. So accept that and move on give everyone the choice to life this beautiful lifestyle as they please and don't force anything on anyone unless they love consensual non-consent and gave you that right ahead of time then have at ;).

All slaves are submissive but not all submissives are slaves. Every time a submissive receives an order they have a choice each and every time weather to obey or not. However when a slave chooses who she kneels to, and accepts her Masters collar she has just made the choice to obey and bend to her Masters will always or receive the punishment put upon her. A submissive negotiates what she will or will not do in every scene. A slave does not. When the initial courting phase is in progress she learns weather or not her hard limits will be acceptable to that Master or not. If they are, it continues on. If not of course she can choose not to become His property. A submissive has limits , a slave has the limits her Master approves of for her. A submissive still has free will to some extent and keeps some of her rights within a D/s dynamic. A slave becomes property and is from that point on an extension of her Master and she needs to be the obedient, joyful subservient woman he wants her to be at all times when in the public eye. A submissive is owned by her Dominant. A slave is her Masters property to do with as He pleases. A slave is really a 24 hour a day thing when in a live in situation. There simply is no such thing as down-time, you spend the day trying to find other ways to make your Master happy and proud. Depending on the relationship a slave is a reflection of her Master, if for some reason she is being unpleasant that reflects poorly on her Master.

I personally have known some slaves who weren't permitted to wear clothes or sit on furniture but not all Masters require that. Most slaves are the happiest kneeling at their Masters feet. A slave learns the arts of anticipation, grace, poise and obedience. This goes back to the fact that a slave is a representation of her Master.

With all of that said though a slave is a human being first and foremost , they still require love , affection, attention, and most of all appreciation. If a Master's slave is unhappy, in return the Master is unhappy. A slave, like a submissive, needs to be cherished protected and loved. They generally need romance and compassion, sometimes patience as well. Just because someone made the choice to be a slave doesn't mean they have given up the right to love, romance, and kindness. A slave is a person, not a piece of meat or anything less than a human being. Just because someone takes on the title of slave doesn't mean they are a slave to any Dom who just walks along. They have choices and feelings and they reserve the right to treat anyone anyway they like until they choose who to kneel to and give their love to. Even then though most Masters I know of, if you disrespect Their property They will be the one to handle it. Slaves are strong minded individuals who are intelligent, wise , and choose to be subservient to One. They are not weak they are not worthless they are slaves who choose to be that way for the Master who proves Himself worthy.


I feel the need to clarify some things in this writing considering they are being blown way out of context and misconstrued.

I am not saying slaves have no limits, I'm saying once a slave chooses who they submit to they accept that their Master may eventually choose to push a limit. I have been property in the past and I got to keep my hard limits but there were times where my limits were pushed and guess what I gained new likes. Also a sane Master would not take a slaves free will , but For me personally When I choose to kneel to someone and serve as their slave I no longer get down time my down time is spent plotting how to make them happy. I also remained the same bubbly happy me I currently am. When choosing a Master a slave needs to choose wisely. Generally a slave chooses someone who views the lifestyle similar to hers. I personally have a few things that I won't do , just because I'm a slave it does not mean that those things are up for negotiation unless the relationship progresses to that. As a slave evolves and grows their limit list may get shorter. Once you trust someone so wholly those limits that were created by fear no longer seem to be hard limits they move to soft limits then they soon become a "like" if the trust is found that they can be enjoyed. I am not saying to claim to be something that you are not , but to be true to yourself. like for me over the years my limits list has drastically shrunk many of my former limits were caused by fear and I ended up trying some and liking them others are now interests because the fear involved makes me want it that much more.

I also never once said that the slave doesn't have the right to leave nor would I ever say such a thing. I have left a few arrangements that weren't what I wanted and if something does not make you happy you should never force yourself to stay in it just because you are a slave. Also let it be known that different people live this lint ways. In my honest opinion any sane Master would NEVER do anything that would mentally, emotionally, or permanently scar or damage their property. If that trust isn't there and you don't know without a doubt that none of those things would happen to you then you shouldn't subject yourself to that. Or on the other scale you may very well be okay with that and that's fine too.

my point is this lifestyle is supposed to be around safe sane and consensual. If you do not trust the Master enough to give yourself over fully then it's probably best to stay D/s or choose to not kneel to that Master. A Master has to earn the slaves trust and prove that he is worthy to take on the slave in question.

.

As human beings we all evolve and change over the course of our lives. That is just a natural and beautiful part of life. Many different factors play in to why we change though. It is to be a better person in our day to day lives? Is it to try and impress that cute guy/gal we met? or is it none of the above something far more complex?

I recently kind of woke up from a daze and realized with a rather heavy heart that at some point in the last while I lost sight of my self worth. I don't know how or why it happened but it did. This made me realize that it's time to completely revamp my life. So I spent the majority of today doing some major soul searching and I'm shocked yet happy by what I discovered and some of the goals I set for myself today. I can safely say that after today I feel renewed and in awe of how marvelous I feel just from spending a day in my own head and heart searching for what it is that I truly want out of my life.

It's really too often that we as human beings take for granted the wonders and mysteries of life. After spending the day with myself today I have now after finding my self worth again made it a personal goal to leave some kind of lasting impression on those whom I choose to touch their hearts in any way, weather it be friendship, a significant other, or just someone I pass on the street I want to brighten peoples days who deserve it. I am a slave , I am compassionate and loving, I worry about complete strangers , I am me I am good enough and that is perfectly fine to me.

The joys of a slave are to serve, obey, honor and protect her master this means different things to different people but to me it is simple

 

 

subservience- the only thing i could ever want in life when i am owned is for him to be pleased in all ways, anticipation is something that's learned over time with that comes not ever being told but just knowing what he needs before the needs are spoken aloud,making him smile when he doesn't feel like smiling seeing to his happiness will in turn make me happy , being completely selfless is a must , with that comes something i've believed in for a very long time something my former Mentor had me write about a while ago and that is the one belief i hold near and dear to me :

 

"The true heart of a slave, knows only desire and unselfish commitment to the pleasure of her Master, whatever that pleasure may be."


Obedience- this is where another opinion comes in a submissive chooses each and every time whether or not to obey a slave does not , me personally i'm ever obedient if a man has gained enough trust to get leather or steel around my throat i know in my heart he would never order me to do anything that would harm me mentally physically or emotionally the worst discipline i have ever received was because of sheer accident it took the word disappointed once and i never made the same mistake again


Honor- a slave represents the her Master in many ways his intelligence and the type of man he is so with every thought deed action and everything else she should honor him with grace dignity poise and compassion be thoughtful , i do not act without thought for if i do and i am acting incorrectly that shows negatively upon the person who gave me my collar who gave me that freedom.


Protection- now this is one thing i know many will see or perceive as odd. however think about it, should someone want to harm a slaves Master she would gladly try to protect him from it. I know this because it is very much how i am. i'm not saying i'd rush a person with a gun because that is just careless, however words do have an impact. nothing violent ever need be done , words can diffuse a situation. to protect ones Master also means to give wise advice whenever able and try to help him see what she would feel is best for him. if the one who can invade all of your senses imprison your mind and give you the freedom you seek through slavery needs protection or a gentle caress to help him feel better. who better to do it then the one who wears his collar?

 

 

there is so much that can be said here , i am a slave but i am also a compassionate kind human being. There is so much more to being a slave then sexual encounters, being beaten or tied up. it's compassion, complete selflessness, submission, grace and just so many things that when all tied together brings harmony within ones self. never kneel out of fear, kneel because it's what you want and desire above all else. find someone who is strong enough to carry the weight of your burdens when you need them to. someone honest enough to earn your trust. someone who can possess you in the best of ways, who over time is the air you breathe and the love within your heart. someone strict with a firm hand but strong gentle arms to hold you close and caress you. someone who you kneel before without hesitation or reservations whom you can bear your soul to. There is just so much that could be said to this , i'll probably do a second part soon enough

To Be Continued

                                    ~The Battle Within~

 

Line up a row of people you know and I do mean truly and whole heatedly know. Every one is perfect not by perfection's standards but by their own imperfect standards. Inside each and every one of them there is an angel and a demon, a battle between good vs. evil.

In general terms, the good is love, tenderness, compassion, and the warm breeze on a summer's night. But we all interpret what is "good" differently, and it is almost impossible to fully comprehend the vast array of emotions and passions that each person individually considers "good."

But just as there are two sides of every coin, there is a badness in all of us. Whether we like it or not, we all have moments of evil. Whether it may be feelings of hatred or getting into a fight, those are the demons inside of us. We have our moments when we later regret a decision, or we feel hatred towards another, and they happen every day. In the cartoons, when the character has to make a decision, a little angel and demon appear. And there is a fifty-fifty chance of them choosing either side. It is that choice that will determine your actions daily and mold you into who you are.

I choose to tip the scales more towards the good. I allow my angel to fill my soul and soar towards others. It is the kindness in my touch when someone weeps and the love I feel for humanity, even towards those who do not return that kindness. It is the gentle way my eyes seek someone who is in distress. It is the warm home I freely open to those who need it. My angel wins in all battles, but as I have said, everyone has their demon.

I do have a forked tongue for those who light my fuse and make it wane, but even as the forked tongue slithers out and speaks its mind, I still find something to like about the person, even if I choose to never speak to them again. Everyone has a darkness that cannot be helped. I have my darker moments, but most of the time, it stays in my head. I still let my angel shine to those who have need of it. Honestly, if I could save everyone, I would do so. Without a pause for a moment of thought, I would give myself up for the safety of someone else. I know none of you reading this will believe me, and I do not expect you to take my word for it. I leave you the option to get to know me to decide this matter for yourself.

With me, it is very simple. I am a slave. I love to serve, yet with the right person, I live to serve. I pride myself on being the light to someone's darkness. I live to show others that there is beauty in life and things to look forward to. I regret nothing, because in most cases, it was exactly what I wanted at the time, what I felt was right.

Some people take life for granted, but I try my best to avoid that. I am in no way perfect. I know I have my flaws, but I will strive to show everyone the good in the world until I cannot anymore. I understand that, at times, it is very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes despair takes ahold of you tightly and allows you to loose hope. I know this, I have been there, and I know it can be hard but it is at times like those that my friends know to reach for my hand, take hold of it, and allow me to show them the warm light with endless love and bountiful joy.

With all of this said, I want elaborate into what "type" of girl I am. I am a slave first and foremost, obedient loyal, subservient and graceful. I am a baby girl. I love stuffies, my blankie, and coloring books. I adore a strong Daddy who is loving and tender, yet can be strict or stern. I am a pain slut and it brings me pleasure, but within certain boundaries. I love to be bound and tied, so rope slut also fits. I have a few hard limits that I cannot overcome, but it does not make me any less of a slave. I am intelligent and I have a mind and I will not "dumb down" for anyone's convenience, nor should I have to. I am me, Lilly, plain and simple. I can be simple, or complex, sometimes all at once. I leave it up to you, dear reader, to come up with your own opinion on me, but be mindful of the forked tongue that may slither within.

There is one person who can attest to this. She is my friend and has been for 7 years, which is a very long time to know someone. Over that time she has come to know me fully and she has watched me learned to see and love me for me, and in many cases when I was at my darkest hour, she was my light and the warmth that held me in compassionate arms and let me sob on her shoulder. On CM she is known as MorphineVixen13, on FL she is known as Vixen_Oxy13. She is the one person I can call a best friend for life without reservation, my friend, my confidant, my sister. She is morphykinz.

From Vixen_Oxy13: Lil is a very complex and confusing bundle of shortness. We have been through a lot and still manage to stick to eachother through thick and thin. She is one of the few people that I would ever share someone with, and she is one of the few people that I could ever share my deepest darkest thoughts and my brightest joys. She is stronger than she lets on, but even the Hulk can be hurt. She feels so much for people that sometimes she opens herself up to be let down and hurt. I hate to see it, but it has happened. Over the last few years, she has grown to be more careful, and grown more to accept herself as this beautiful, smart, devious, and devoted girl. So I bid those who read this to take heed, she is not for the stereotypical Domly-Dom. She needs a Master and Daddy who can help guide her and mold her. She needs someone to love her and to accept her quirks and to accept her slave heart to be Theirs.

Randomly i've been thinking a lot lately and perhaps this isn't the place to have a gut pouring session but it's the only place people won't look at me weird for it i suppose, so here it goes.

 

i've been trying to suppress my want need and desire for a Master because i feel so alone all the time, most of my friends are vanilla and once they find out what i want and what makes me feel fulfilled they look at me different i've even recently forced myself to try and date vanilla which went horrible now all of my friends made me feel bad about my wants needs and desires all except my best friend in this entire world he has taken a liking to rope work and we even went to an event together last night which being around others in this life style for once in the last few months since i've returned home made me feel not alone so then of course i rambled and said a lot of stupid stuff but that's probably because lack of social interaction as of late but that's neither here nor there my point is for two short hours i felt finally happy and not so weird i want to feel like that always not like i'm stumbling through my life unsure of if i made the right choice or if i've just done what was expected of me and i don't like being miserable to make everyone else happy i love knowing i make people happy but i want to be happy too i'm done appeasing other people i want to be happy for once. i'll probably add more to this later. . . so to be continued

So just for random purpose i'd like to say something.  i'm tired of time wasters fakes and rude ass people. if you want to waste my time and play mind games i am not the one for you and would appreciate it if you wouldn't bother me with messages i'm here to see whats out there and see if there may in fact be someone out there for me not to sit here and be toyed with so just STOP and leave me alone if you're not 100% real

Sorry to anyone who may read this that is not the asshole I'm singleing out. SubmitAllToMe leave me alone and go troll a playboy. Stop thinking that you're all high and mighty because I have news for you your NOT. By ordering random girls around who don't even know you and trying to degrade them all your proving is that you're a sad pathetic man who has a small mind himself and makes you feel better about yourself. I'm sure many of the girls you do this to see right through your charade. Again I'm sorry if you read this and it doesn't pertain to you however I'm really tired of people doing this then blocking me because everything is spelt out in my profile.

ok so time for an update and thoughts. . . .

 

sometimes i wonder what keeps bringing me back into the lifestyle while i am not sure in my mind my heart always tells me "you're a slave you need this you want this " and normally that is enough however tonight i was talking to a wonderful Master who has been a cherished friend for about 2 or 3 years now and what He told me has given me the strength that i honestly needed He said "If one does not accept the pain that comes with happiness, does not try to find it for fear of the pain, then they will never be truly happy, and do they truly deserve the true happiness if they aren't willing to risk the pain?" it makes perfect sense i used to wonder if i was a glutton for punishment or if there was a greater cause for my attempts to keep finding happiness  now after hearing that tonight i realize i just honestly want the happiness i keep envisioning and wanting with my whole heart.

 

on another note i keep getting mail that people who've never met me seem to think they know me better than i myself know me and i do wish to inform you all that , that is not the case i am many things most of them are not listed in my profile i would really appreciate it if before you go on making nasty and rude assumptions that you talk to me and at least have a faint idea about who i am and how i work before you assume anything about me. and for those of you who are still reading this here is a small outline of what i am and how i am.

 

 

  • i am a slave one who has been into this for a good long while now
  • i am compassionate, kind hearted, loving, caring, helpful when able
  • i love animals and find the good in every person that does not mean i'll spread my legs though because you say so, sorry wrong assumption
  • i am not mindless nor am i a robot i'm a slave i have a mind , opinions , ways i do things ect.
  • i will not be a mindless fuck toy nor is that what i am looking for
  • i am a human being first and foremost , i am a slave and the lifestyle has chosen me but with that said i can still enjoy activities outside of the lifestyle
  • i am a lover not a fighter
  • i am an eclectic in music choices and things i like in this wonderful lifestyle

there is a small look into my mind.

 

one last thing is food for thought just a few of my favorite quotes from movies or other.

 

"the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"- Moulin Rouge

"well times silence hath more eloquence than speech" Martin Fraquhar Tupper

"Criticism is prejudice made plausible"-Henry Louis Mencken

"always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest"-Mark Twain

"it is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring"- Carl Sagan

"we must be the change we wish to see"- Mahatma Gandhi

"I'm a great believer in  luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it"-Thomas Jefferson

"Only from the heart Can you touch the sky"-Rumi

 

more to be written soon i'm sure

 

 

So as of late i'm entirely hooked on Repo the Genetic Operas' Sound track and it's like constantly playing in my head i don't know why i'm sharing this i just felt the need to so thank you that will be all lol

I've gotten some extremely crude messages but this one i'm about to share takes the cake. some people on this site need to leave their fantasy land.

 

 


You are only a piece of meat slave.... If it was in my power I would have you crucified naked in the hot sun for your insolence.

 

 

 

Your punishment will be agonizing slave cunt. You will scream and beg for mercy

 

 


One day you will hang naked in agony on a cross in a torture chamber.

I will enter and we will again have this conversation.

I cannot decide whether to use a whip or a red hot iron on you bitch... probably both. you stinking cunt.

Recently I got a message bitching about the pic I use.  now for one I have never claimed to be the person in the picture so it kind of pissed me off. The other part of that specific message that pissed me off is the fact that the guy kept trolling me so when I abruptly told him I wasn't interested the response was  and I quote"OK I will report your pic then". Really??? just because I'm not interested your going to report the picture? that is childish so why don't you go troll someone else and I'm not going to miraculously be interested because you threatened to report the picture. grow up and stop being childish.