Oh dear, spammers, and whether or not they are the age they say they are when you post messages that are obviously rediculous you will get an answer like this.

And I suppose by that very adult response that you've become more mature over the years? Please do me a favor and don't dignify this with a response.

Just Sayin...

PS I keep the stupid spam mail as memorabilia, a testament to all the childish ones on here :)

Hmm what to say, here's a start:

I've had a lot to think about lately and pieces of my past have made themselves known, not a bad thing really, but those pieces remind me of the bad parts in it. It's confusing I know. I've been noticing screen names on here a lot, quite a few are interesting, most speak of the dark or of shadows, mine included. Then of course you have the ones that either degrade themselves or others ( I have no idea how people can do that still, feel free to explain it to me) then there are just others that are downright creative with their names, that aren't so easy to figure out because in some way or another it means something to them.

Some are about providing refuge or a safe haven, what happens when a person like me finds someone who promises such and only falls into a trap. It makes me ten times more wary than the average person. And when most advice is given referring to using sense like you would in the dating world, well for someone who has yet to date it's kind of hard. This entry has been a long time coming really.

But I suppose that's enough of my musings,  when it comes down to it, so called friends have burned me and I've seen far too many friends hurt in their relationships to find one of my own. I'm not even damaged by relationships but through the suffering of my friends I find myself lacking the courage to move forward and try to find someone of my own. But hey I spend too much time working or with my horses to really worry about my lack of social skills ( with guys anyways).

Til Later,

shadows

Ah to be able to express myself without someone taking it the wrong way. Or in many cases being able to say you want to be friends and talk first without someone assuming they can take control after talking less than 24 hours. So far it's a no win situation and I do so love all the profiles that say about demanding pictures and die fakes in it. Seems to be a recurring theme.. so why am I not seeing it in the other half of the profiles, there are fakes on both sides and that much I know to be true.

Ah well, what is one to do when the world is unjust.. use the block button and move on. I've tried agitated messages before it doesn't attract anyone merely drives them away. Or leads them to comment on the hostility of it. Like I said, there is no winning.. at least not yet. The saying about nice guys finishing last.. someone point me to the finish line so I can meet the last person to cross it.

So tonight I finally got some of the best pieces of advice I've ever had. Be true to yourself. Of course if I had followed my instincts I would have known that, but it's nice to have people's input on that. I feel a good bit more confident now than I did earlier. Now I know when I say what I say I'm not in the wrong with it.

Okay, so new question. Why is it that messengers are so needed in order for people to communicate on here and perhaps get to know each other. I know clicking the button a few extra times is hard, but honestly, do we need to be so set on the other person having messenger that if they don't it'll fall through. Granted I know this does not apply to all around here. But this has happened to me twice already and I find it annoying. Or is it perhaps, that I'm not as knowledgeable as you think I am?

Pretty words paint pretty pictures, but it does not always reveal the true meaning beneath them.

Done ranting now..

shadows

PaintedShadows.. how did I come up with that? The inspiration was my gelding a handsome tobiano paint who came to me a little underweight and a little broken spirited. Who has been with me for well over a year now and is a proud and active boy who has tons of energy and lots of spirit. He's been an anchor for me when things are confusing, a good place to be when I'm feeling overwhelmed, we needed each other to pull ourselves from the shadows.. hence the name.

So I come to realize while I'm stressing myself out at work that I was sick of being in control like I always am. I've never been able to give up control easily despite being submissive I just need someone I can trust and it's not easy to do. So yeah I'm not quite coherent right now being as I just woke up. But if you understand what I'm getting at I'll be glad to elaborate at a later time.

Ok so I said I would elaborate, I'm doing so now. I work, I have horses I've had a life of my own with no one to hand control over to I'm strong willed at best and at most typically uneasy and quiet in the presence of someone who is dominant enough. If I'm talkative and at ease I feel comfortable with that person, if i talk too much I'm nervous. Whenever encountering a person who is more dominant than me I avoid them at all costs or I resort to my best method, getting angry. However this defeats my purpose in finding someone I can give up control with. I never want to lose the control permenantly though, I had a friend who was a slave, I cannot do what she did, unless I was completely taken with my dominant.

I am a difficult one to figure out and to get to know me you have to be able to not freak me out, this includes avoiding the mention of sex from the get go. ( You think I sound like a virgin.. I am lol)


So now I'm done sending the mixed messages, decipher my elaboration and feel free to contact me. :) Just no phone numbers please, I will not call you off the bat ( yes it's already happened once since this was posted)