- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Pan Female Mistress, 41,  Sanford, Florida
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leakylee - Dominatrix

leakylee - photo 1
leakylee - photo 3
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Well it has been a couple of years since my last update. Hell I have no idea how long I have even been on this site. I'll hang around a bit for the amusement of CM. I'm starting to peek and think.. Lol. I wish all good luck. ? Lee ? Just a curiousity, are there any of you that aren't into cross dressing or among a myriad of other things











Last Online:


 Dominant Female



 5' 4"

 240 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female

Submissive Male

Switch Women

Switch Men

Sub/Sub Couples

Friends Only

 Lives For:

 Body Worship



 Hair Pulling (Expert)

 Knife Play (Beginner)





 Amusement Parks

 Antique Shows

 Art Galleries

 Beachcombing (Expert)




 Anal Play

 Breast Play

 Cages (Beginner)

 Canes and Crops


 Electrical Play (Beginner)

 Local BDSM Community

 Fire Play (Beginner)

 Fisting (Beginner)

 Foot Worship

 Housework Service (Expert)

 Humiliation (Beginner)

 Massage (Giving) (Expert)

 Mental Bondage (Beginner)

 Needle Play

 Public Play




 Historical Shows

 Horror Movies

 Science Fiction

 Body Art


 Tattoos (Beginner)


 Intellectual Discourse



 Lifestyle BDSM

 Old Guard


 Alternative Music

 Eighties Music

 Electronica / EDM


 Bar Hopping

 Clubbing (Expert)

 Coffee Shops

 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets

 Going to the Opera



 Musical Theater







 Dilation (Beginner)

 Gags (Beginner)

 Massage (Getting)

 Medical Play (Beginner)

 Munches (Beginner)

 Obedience Training

 Objectification (Beginner)

 Pantyhose Fetish

 Queening (Beginner)

 Sensory Deprivation (Beginner)



 Vacuum Stimulation

 Wax play

 Board Games

 Card Games

 Romance Novels

 Simulation Games

 Web Surfing

 Alternative Medicine


 Art Collecting





 Liberal Politics

 Libertarian Politics



 Goth Lifestyle


 Blue Grass


 Classical Music

 EMO Music

 Folk Music


 Heavy Metal Music

 Industrial Music


 New Age Music

 New Wave

 Nineties Music


 Opera Music




 Rock Music

 Seventies Music






 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Orgasm Denial

 Speech Restrictions


 Theatrical Scenes


 Watersports (Beginner)


 Low Carb

 Pop Music

 Curious About:






 Masks (On Partner)

 Masks (Wearing)

 Outdoor Bondage

 Plastic Wrap

 Victorian Household








 Hard Limits:

 Female Supremacy


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Journal Entries:
5/13/2010 9:18:54 AM
What a journey that a your can take you on. Girl has been under Sir for nearly a year. (can girl get a YAY!!, on this one) In this time, girl's Women's group has taken off well. Girl has also earned her belt and her boots. (yeehaw!!) Girl is a tad bit excited about both pieces of her leather. Girl still doesn't know whether to laugh or cry somedays at the joy that she feels being under Sir. It is a powerful thing, this thing called devotion. Girl hopes that every individual has the good fortune to happen upon it.

good luck darlings!!
in leather
girl lee

7/21/2009 8:39:14 PM
it makes me sad sometimes to see the poor souls stuck on cyber. stuck in a fantasy land that leads no where. i see so many profiles of Doms talking about the fakes on this site. what about the poor newbies that get sucked in by the cyber doms promising this and that? there can't be much in the way of intregrity in either party. it doesnt matter which end of the whip you are on. leading people on, and never delivering is wrong.

i often wonder why so many are reluctant to step away from the pc and mingle with thier kinky neighbors. most of us dont bite. well unless you ask really nicely..hehe..

think about it. might ease up some of those fake posts.


6/25/2009 9:45:38 AM
alright already, since when did a D/s relationship become one sided. how is submission a gift? i think i have read (this site is great for entertainment purposes) at least 6 profiles today that spout about 'the gift of submission'.

that is the most one sided, and emasculating phrase i have seen associated with this lifestyle. (within the hetero community) we give nothing. nothing is taken. face it people this is a two way street, a 50/50 relationship. if a submissive chooses not to allow that power exchange, it just aint gonna happen. if your dom doesn't want what you have to offer. pfft you are SOL.

so get with the program and forget all the pretty phrasing. this is work not some fantasy.

lee's rant for the day...

4/6/2009 7:58:04 PM

well damn it, not only am i whoring for the Shed, i have now started whorin out my friends too. i am sluttin out Fetish 2 Fetish, Fetish Circiut, and FLICK.

i love my friends..hehe..


3/5/2009 4:10:03 PM

my hair is gone!!

2/21/2009 12:19:57 PM
people talk about how hard it is to frind a mate. well, add wanting and needing an open, sadistic, poly, community involved dom. now if someone has that recipe, i kiss ya..hehe..

12/29/2008 10:43:24 PM
I have decided that the equipment at the gym has nothing on any whip, knife, needle, or any other implement any Sadist has ever used on me. those things are garunteed to leave you sore. i suppose it is a good thing i am a masochist otherwise this might be torture on some sick level. i wonder what people that dont enjoy pain really do? hehe

happy holidays

12/10/2008 4:52:42 PM
i gotta ask, if it is alright for the hairy beasts to 'on your knees bitch!'. is it alright for us (submissives that is) to write and say dom me now bastard?

inquring minds wanna know

12/4/2008 8:37:43 PM
i gotta ask, what is up with all the taming mess? if you need "tamed" do you really want to be in a consentual power exchange relationship? i mean i know busts alot of fantasy bubbles, bet dern.

taming in resistance play or take down scenes, anything that involves getting to go a bit wild  (ie tickling). that may take some taming, but a relationship. come on? are we adults, or horny teens playing out our fantasies??


11/9/2008 2:05:22 PM
so both, count them, (grrr)  new cuttings are healing wonderously. Thank you Ms, Eria, gotta love that woman. the exploding flag on my thigh is about 3 weeks old, fading quickly. the pretty pretty butterfly, (god was that hot) a bit of liquid dripping here and there for that one, is 10 days old. healed, and i figure should last til xmas or so. i tell ya, there are times that healing so well kinda bites..


10/29/2008 10:53:33 AM
2 days of dragging myself  to bed at 6:30 in the morning, goodness!! i havent pulled hours like this since days at The Edge. of course that was a few years and a few brain cells ago. amazingly, i can still survive it, albiet, i am not running off to the beach with only a few hours of sleep anymore. granted the high and flight is a wee bit different..hehe.. not much chance of 46 needles poking my breasts in those days, or any of the other releases i find now.

i would imagine that my wee brain appreciates the halt in it's damage. i willingly admit that i do miss haunting downtown on occasion, but in no way can it compete with today's expereinces.

isnt life a bit odd? same hours, mind still flying, but a totally different life. it truly makes me smile.


10/29/2008 9:09:22 AM
would it be wrong if i made a request that before receiving your Dom ID card there was some screening and or Sadist qualifying test? is it really asking to much?


now of course this is said in jest. i by no means think that heavy or light is right or wrong. shoot combination is really rather nice. just my frozen brain prattling off today.


10/24/2008 8:44:24 PM
you know i would like to add a bit of a disclaimer here. after 4 plus years on this site, my efforts to send hits are pretty much done. if i send ya an email it is really meant at face value. there is no hit there. no cyber lusting over pictures or nice words. just compliments. pretty simple, so dont get your panties in a wad, or fear a stalker.

i truly prefer someone local. that i meet offline.


10/23/2008 2:41:33 PM


wow last weekend was a hoot!! there were soo many people at the Shed it was incredible. i had a blast, as always. actually ended up as the first scene of the night. not sure how that happened. thank you Ms Eria.

this is munch weekend, and Sir Torville (hold on let me fan myself here) will be doing a breath class. oh my stars, what a wonderful topic for a class, isnt it? yes yes, happy campers.

it isnt to late for a Halloween Party. the 31st there will be one more. (can you ever get to much of dressing up and having fun?)

and of course all that is going on in November! A Men's Only Night on the 7th. Club Fem coming to hang out on the 11th, and last but not least (hot damn i enjoyed the hell out of the last one) A Ladies Only Day on  the 29th (1-7). that was a great afternoon and night. i was so honored and still get a bit teary eyed. ya'll made that day soo special for me. (see weepy eyed even now)

but anywho, lots happenin see yall at the Shed.


10/6/2008 8:34:41 PM

This entry has a specfic target. It really isnt a plea, mind you, and of course, as always all are encouraged to come. But, to the Sadists.. There are a few moderate and extreme level masochist/submissives hanging about the Shed on occasion. There is a slight imbalance in the ratio.

So maybe give it a thought. Come visit. Might enjoy yourselves.. hehe..

and on a general note (slight self defense here), just remember that smart ass, does contain SMART in that phrase. Dumb is not included. Just some food for thought..hehe..

ever so respectfully

10/6/2008 8:26:44 PM
ok. this year hasnt been half bad on reaching my goals. so far i have accomplished every one of the resolutions i set for myself on Jan. 1. now the only two left are the excersise program and the smoking thing. so far the secret has been simply making the changes of lifestyle. not pressuring myself with these crazy demands on myself. slowly working these things into my life makes the changes much easier, and doesnt set me for failure. you would think that with as much as my brain functions i would have figured this out long ago..hehe..

yay me

10/5/2008 9:40:34 PM
being a masochist, i am the first one to admit that pain is a need for me, but there is something more for some of us. i, myself, am still a very service control oriented submissive. the S&M is foreplay, the sexual outlet while single. the Shed, is the social outlet, family, friends, but doesnt replace the need for the strict healthy dynamic that a woman, such as myself, requires, and desires.
so while on some levels, it is all about sex, it truly is all about control and the mind. and damn does that just turn me on, ease the world, and make a body all warm and fuzzy.


10/4/2008 12:38:15 PM
i gotta ask folks, unless you are a sadists, and or maso, what difference does few to no limits really make? is it just something that looks good in your profile?

i mean if you lean more towards the sensual side, do 'few limits' really and truly matter on the overall S&M scope? i mean i have put this to a few Doms that have it in their profile, and so far, no answer, or none that has much to do with the real matter.

wouldnt lining up kinks (if this is the area you are covering) or finding an open minded person make a hell of alot more sense? i know. i maybe crushing a bit of fantasy with a dose of reality, but come on.. think about things, and why they really matter.


10/1/2008 10:04:46 PM
you know here is a really really odd thing. first time i got flogged, i liked it. crop, same thing. needles, i fell into lust. knives, oh damn, dont even need to go there. but whips!!

the first time that blessed thing licked my skin. i do believe i was hooked. i swallowed that sucker, line and sinker. i can't tell you exactly what it is about the sensation. if is the trust requirement, the profiency, the skill, the art in throwing that, those feet of leather. it is a rare (damn it) and incredible happening. one that i highly recommend.


9/22/2008 6:45:56 AM
ok, i really gotta ask this question. now in theroy a submissive that is bi, poly oriented, with few limits litters a huge amount of profiles on most lifestyle sites. i truly don't get why sensual doms want submissives with few to no limits, but hey, to each thier own.

i will admit that not everyone wants to be active in the community, but there are advantages. the extreme masochist, well that maybe a bit daunting, because i tend to lean towards a fairly strict and controlled dynamic.
so what is the issue? i mean according to so many of the (ok i will be discreet) edgier (is that a word) profiles, i should be a wet dream..hehe..

i mean come on. service, and control oriented, bi, poly, submissive, maso. that pretty much covers the whole guantet.

of course the back lash, short round and stumpy, a bit off, and smokes. now working on the round part. have come down one size so far. i aint pushing myself. working through the baggage.

so the question comes to, is it too much? is there an intimidation issue? ok yeah, the blunt to point can sometimes lead to sucking toes, but it also means that it is not often i can keep much to myself. transparency really isnt an issue.

i know myself fairly well. i can pretty much tell ya how the brain, the emotions, the wiring, (well until that gets all redone..woohoo) works and functions together.

so from this side, seems like a pretty solid deal.

whatcha think??


9/21/2008 5:03:53 AM
ohohoh!!! found out tonight (this is sooo cool) Pup Dire, who will be going for International Boot Black next year (woohoo!!), will be making a most gracious appearance every 3rd Saturday at our very own Wood Shed!! how incredible is that?!?

social opprotunity, monthly party, switches meeting, oh can also play..hehe.. and can learn something servicey.. what more could you ask for, all on the same day?!? 

well besides friends, family, great energy, and lots of other stuff.. but you know..


9/21/2008 3:24:11 AM
now i am in a bit of a mood tonight, so pardon my unsubmissive moment here.. why is it that your domily selves are entitled to clear cut dry positions, and we as submissives are expected to bend damn near in half to accomadate your lordly selves?? we are supposed to somehow reform who in all blazes we are to conform to your vision, like yesterday. now would someone like to explain to me how this works? how is this humanly possible? if we were superhuman, why in all hells would we be seeking a power exchange? is there some secret passage in ya'lls handbook that tells ya just because we have an 'S' stamped on our foreheads that balance just evaporates out of our relationships?

yes yes, that is right, i said relationship. no matter what form your dynamic, boys and girls, there is still a need for a healthy relationship. whether you are Gorean, Leather, HOH, Victorian, be it a service position, poly, mono, whatever combo you can come up with. a healthy relationship still makes a dern.

just my opinion mind ya..

9/11/2008 1:39:53 PM
here is an amazing concept. there are a few of us, that have taken the time to know ourselves. we know how we think, we know our buttons, we know how our minds function, we can pretty much share alot of the operating material. but here is the clincher in all this information, ya gotta be willing to listen. ya gotta be willing to not hollar about topping from the bottom, and ya be willing to hear what is being said.

it really is rather simple.


9/11/2008 6:30:19 AM
is it really honestly true that pain sluts, and all around masochists arent good for much more than a meat position? that truly learning to care for us robs our dominant sadistic partners of thier ablility to give us the pain, to push our horizons, to inflict that harshness that we need at times?

is it truly impossible to still remember the woman, the highly intelligent functional mind, a tender heart, slight smart ass, a pretty deep and complex person overall. does all that compact down into nothing more than meat??

8/31/2008 4:20:06 AM
What a night!! i dont even know entirely what happened. the only thing i can grasp is a well got poked. four 18 guage needles made it in, and BAM, the tears started. now i have never ever balled during a scene. i have only cried once after a scene. that was just letting off some vibes during some very trying times. tonight was just a jolt of energy being released.

of course, i guess i shouldnt really be surprised. things have been a bit whacky around here of late, but still that was odd. being a needle slut, well that just was irritating. i will admit though it was also cleansing.

and as always my love and thanks for the support, comfort, and love of the family at the Shed...

smooches yall

8/30/2008 12:32:03 AM
now past expierences have taught me the pros and the cons of poly relationships. after a few attempts over the past few years to merge into triads i kinda threw my hands up, and said to heck with it. but interestingly enough floating about the Shed, i have remember how much i miss that 'family' network. the sisterhood of fellow submissives. the closeness and near older sister relationship of a dominant female figure. the sibling bond i had with one of my best friends, a male submissive, who was an extended family member. (may he rest in peace). the support and bonds that exist between us even today. it is something that you come to rely on. there is truly something unique within each and every relationship. every family member contributes a neccesary function and peice to the overall relationship, dynamic, and to every individual.

amazing how something can just smack ya in the head.


8/20/2008 5:26:09 PM
WOW, just did the annual culling of the journal entries.. that must have wiped out at least 4 pages. man why dont yall ever warn me it is getting that damn thick?!?

maybe i oughta do this more than once a year.. eek


8/15/2008 11:12:32 AM

Time is an interesting thing, 2008 has been full of changing events. Most for good, a few not so much, but fortunately even the worse of them were needed, a blessing in their own right. I don’t find myself in much of a hurry (not that I ever was), but I really don’t have much in the way of guilt when it comes to my can’ts, won’ts. You know the make it or beak it type stuff. I used to. Used to really make me doubt my submission, but I know myself. I know my philos, my principles, my morals, my ethics, my own internal discipline. I am the one that has to face myself in the mirror and adore that reflection. On some of those points there is a certain amount of fluidity. There is a room to explore and grow for myself, but the base core that stays pretty fixed. You start asking or expecting yourself to sacrifice your own core value system, and you toss who you are. Of course, I also tend to only hold myself to my expectations. I can’t say that I am right. There are to many options in this world. So how can I say that what I think or feel is the proper way of being, but I also don’t expect someone to call my beliefs or fundamentals into question just because they happen to disagree.


Does this make me a demanding submissive? Most likely, in some small ways it still bothers me, but if a woman truly knowing herself and her world, and what it takes to merge with that world is demanding. Then I kinda have to second guess the wordage, at the very least. Maybe instead of zeroing on the possessive pronouns, ya might want to consider that someone is secure, stable, and capable enough to actually consider how and what that world has to offer others, and the cause and effect of those offers.


Is a hero needed, or does she have the where withal to actually figure out the issues and request the assistance needed? It may sound like a hell of a leap, but not really. A functioning brain outside is hopefully a good indicator of what it can do inside, (well minus any work stoppage due to rewiring, redecorating, and or any extensive level of remodeling)







8/10/2008 11:27:49 PM
See the red!! That is not a safe word. (ok maybe the word is a damn safe word, but not the substance)  It doesnt mean stop the damn scene at the first sign. It is a very very good way to take down something that isnt done. That might be in a very primal state and want to hurt you.. hehe..  memories..


8/1/2008 4:17:47 PM
so here is a perfect example of how anal rententive can just completely crush your heart.

ya ready??

ok, so talking to this really special person. (i mean you would think that my last journal and my profile would warn the poor dear) so his big strong self is just rattling away at how wonderful it is that i dont have any problem with getting out, or that i do have friends, or that i actually do have a bit of life. thinks it is just wonderful that i have found ways to satisfy those little urges girls get. (wasnt that so nice of him) so all cool, and wonderful, right, uh huh...

then, oh yes, him decides that as soon as the first meet is done, all those little social outlets, and any munches, any lifestyle parties, any clubbing, anything that doesnt invovle his precious self is a sin. can you imagine my reaction?!? i bet you couldnt..

now being that this would be a 5 or 6 hour commute i attempted a bit to understand, maybe grasp the reasoning. nope, just being a prick. if he aint here to monitor the activites of 'his' property then nada. that went over just sooo well. excited to explain my position and stance on that one, you wonder?  oh, what an understatement!!

him just didnt seem to grasp how i couldnt burn with all that fire and devotion and loyalty after only damn meeting. after not even knowing all those special little ways that you actually provide service. you know besides sucking someone's cock. but then silly me, i always thought you got the jist of those things spending time with them, outside of play. actually paying attention to thier higher needs.

damn silly me..



7/31/2008 8:02:35 PM

Ok I have been all good in my last two entries, well now, forget it. We have reached creep factor. There are a couple of things. First of all, as my profile states, and as quite a few people, right here on this site can attest, I am somewhat active in the local scene here in Orlando. Now any and all activity that occurs at the club is, of course, public. This means that people have seen it. There are people that can describe it in detail. I doubt my willingness to get on the phone and recount each stroke, pinprick, shock, or toe curler just to provide you with wank fodder. (CREEP FACTOR!!)


This leads me to my next topic. I do occasionally play privately. SHOCK, GASP!! I know. After all those lovely flattering emails offering all the usage that would be get just right…pfft… Now here is my stance on the private play and prior relationships. The basic mechanics, and or major issues I have no problem disclosing, but my private life (guess what) is my private life. Here again, I have no desire to provide wank fodder, nor do I believe that I owe anyone in depth immediate tours into the intimate personal existences and shared experiences. To me it is a breach of confidence and trust.


Now about myself, I will flap my lips all the live long day. My limits, boundaries, if I do have any play partners, or if I am loosely involved, you got the information, but to attempt to intrude into that private area is a flat out intrusion. Disrespectful and creepy..  


Ok I am done. Try porn it is much easier and a lot less lippy.




7/28/2008 10:22:47 PM

I am trying to think of how to start this. Part of it really started about six weeks ago. I got to hang out with a very good and dear friend that I have known for three or four years. This is someone that I trusted with my body, my mind, my servitude, and my obedience when we were together. Now granted He was neither my owner nor my Master, but his knowledge and the Man that he was, prompted the nature of our relationship. I was amazed at the lack of response on my own part when we met again. Now granted it has been a few years since I have been responsible for that grace and elegance in my daily life, but that is beginning to sound trite and old, even to my ears.


I opted after my release to allow myself time on my own to heal and recoup. A few times I was given the advice that should return to a dynamic even if it was just a power/service position in order maintain some structure in my life. I was fortunate enough to have friends that supported me during the rougher times, but the conditioning, the hurt, led to a bit of defiance and outright rebellion on my part. Not outright in the beginning, but more so later. It was a bit of a snowball effect. Even though I craved that mental warping to grasp the mental control, it also ensured the vulnerability. So the oddly wired brain starts equating the vulnerability as a weakness, or at least that is the only process I can work out. Here again a cop out, to some degree.


It was a stubborn choice in an attempt to control a situation that truly was beyond my capabilities at the time. Instead of asking for help or accepting the offers of help, I undid and inflicted damage that will sooner or later have to be undone. Mentally I know that my servitude and the need for control is not a weakness. That which used to come so naturally, that used to burn so brightly inside me now rears a level of apprehension.


So it truly comes down to personal responsibility, and undoing my choices. In many essences I am back at a newbie status. Yet I am not. I know what I want and need in my dynamic and relationship. I know my kinks, my level of play, but if you notice it is me. The central concern is still myself. It is all part and parcel. My place is in my logic brain. When my mouth spouts, my logical mind screams, but somehow there are only echoes deep inside. I can’t even describe the bareness those echoes create within my soul.


Last Thursday, I was granted the presence of an incredible Man of integrity, honor everything that we ask and pray for., but the apprehension still reared. Yet the bounce from those echoes were  incredible.  Most of it was a delayed reaction, but after five days of brain action, and intense energy, my defiance touched a nerve almost immediately within myself. Facing yourself isn’t allows the easiest thing, especially when the Self reflected isn’t a pretty sight, but I have never been one to opt out. Most times though the results improves you on multiple levels. The problem comes in when you find things that you can’t quite fix on your own. Improvements aren’t to big of a hurdle, but optional and undesired quirks can be tricky. Most times I can ferret out faulty brain patterns (I said most times).


Pride is an amazing thing. When I as a servant take more pride in my own self worth, than in the value that I present those I serve then the balance shifts. Something goes array within. Now I am not saying that I am not responsible for the choice that I make in an owner, but when I value myself above and beyond the property, the possession that I am, a personal choice that has the potent ional to create this exact chaos.


Well I guess this mess has rambled on enough. A bit much of exposure, if you will..eek..




7/23/2008 9:46:31 PM

So I am in a contemplative mood tonight. Some places have been touched, of late, that I truly wondered if they still existed, and it got me to thinking. We as submissives, slaves, property, (whatever term best suits the situation) where does our strength best serve us? Is it in the walls that we build when we are alone and attempting to exist in the everyday? Or does it lie in our cocoon of our submission, of our enslavement? Where do we function at our peak? Don’t those walls in some ways actually limit our capabilities? Don’t they throw off the natural balance that exists within us?  How often does success and accomplish truly come when you are fighting against yourself? When you are attempting to bottle vulnerability (or is it) , when you are attempting to cap your core being.


I mean let’s be honest. Yes, there are successes. Good jobs, finishing school, maintaining a home, accomplishing personal goals, but damn how much easier is it when the structure is in place? How much more satisfying when that smile of pleasure lights His face? How much more valuable are those successes when they are in service, and good lord, how much easier and how much more fulfilling?


I am not debating the fact that we can survive and succeed alone. I am not saying that there is not enough intelligence to impose routines, changes, schedules, and challenges for ourselves. But how easier are all these things with the guidance, the structure, the bloody control, and rewiring? (ok not everyone is into the rewiring part..hehe)


I am well aware that there are some that won’t agree with a damn thing I have said. They feel that their submission is a gift. That sounds nice. It looks good on paper but in reality, if you are choosing dynamic over relationship, you maybe in for a bit of shock. The fantasy of ownership will soon blow your little world apart, and those questions mentioned in the prior will decide a great deal about your life. When you get far enough into a situation that YOU consensually, willingly, joyfully, opt to give your entire being to a Man, regardless of limits, of negotiations, of privileges, of rights, then you just hit the jackpot. You are screwed, and you had best make sure that you know the individual inside out. You also may find an inner strength hidden behind all the walls, lurking behind the bluffs, and blustering. It sits there just waiting for the right individual to pick the lock and provide the freedom. I guarantee your life will never be the same.


And just think, all it takes is a Man who can caress, who makes you want to let those plummet and crumple at His feet.  

7/17/2008 10:53:54 AM
well it happened yet again i was able to fire up and inspire another journal entry from someone about respect and how submissives woman MUST PROVE thier worthiness. now dont get me wrong i understand that in this context sooner or later everyone has to put up or shut up, but who is putting thier lives, flesh, and wellbeing into who's hands. who ends up turning over and submitting thier wills to another? am i missing something in this calculation?

wouldnt it make more sense to do away with the bull shit testing and just everyone be cosistent and honest? just through thier behavior and word learn to trust each other. take each other as HUMAN first then gauge and learn each other as thier orientation came out naturally. OH MY STARS!! could that reek of common sense, reality, and practicality?

now it really was more than one wank that spawned this whole tirade. just a couple that made me sit back and go huh?? the sad thing is that i know women will deal and attempt to please and appease these men. it truly breaks my heart, because in the end there will be no way to make them happy.

think with your minds first ladies. let that rule your decisions. the emotions and hormones are great, but before you drown yourself in another's will make sure that person will care and ensure your happiness, wants, and needs at some point as well. otherwise you will be the one suffering.

you are responsible for you own happiness in the end. not your owner, or the ones demanding you prove your worth. you should know what that is long before another does.

just my thoughts

7/17/2008 6:33:57 AM
Someday people are going to learn to take that blunt, honest, to the point and outspoken at face value. i swear!!

7/9/2008 1:36:01 AM
There are times that my own attitude irritates myself. I used to actually resist the urge to write when the ire was up a bit. Now though I find myself giving into that temptation. Call it giving into weakness and irritation.

Now I am aware that by posting pictures that have scene contents, as well as throwing out there that I go to the Shed. That I am opening myself up to the wankers, but let me tell ya it doesnt take away from the submissive woman. Playing communing with others in the community allows me to be who and what I am naturally. I get to 'hang out' with people who understand the person that I am.

I also get to itch the physical cravings that I have. After all I am human. The S&M generally get handled fairly well. (thank you) When I need a grounding, a simple request, and I can find myself spending time in the cage. I am grateful for the opprotunity and the outlet.

My point in this journal is that I want others to understand that this is not the only aspect of me. The masso isnt all that I am. The property still exists. Now granted I keep that vunerable portion all tightly walled up, and I am flattered (to a point) by the offers of play. But past a certain point the physical only goes so far. Sooner or later the need for control, and the need to serve are going to be more than simple sceneing satisfies.

It is a complete package. Now I am all for modifications, but parts and peices dont work in the long, for anyone.

love and light

6/18/2008 2:44:19 PM

So I was having a pretty interesting conversation with one of the pain inflictors last night/this morning. Now this gentleman and His wonderful girl are poly. I used to (notice the past tense) be open to a poly situation. Now my reasons for no longer being all up on poly are multi-dimensional. They spawn from a past chaotic CF, as well as issues I have now that I am home. Now being emotionally retentive about monogamy, poly shouldn’t be a huge deal with my wiring. I couldn’t two hoots about physical monogamy. As long as everyone is honest about the who, what, where, when, why, how. Come-on I like breathing as much as the next person.  So you get the fact it creates a bit of a paradox, huh?


Now this goes to the ‘thing’. The ideal relationship would be a triad. Your Owner, and your best friend all within the same relationship. I mean think about it. The closest friend you ever had. A lover, a woman that goes beyond sister, she knows all your secrets. She shares every intimacy of your life. First of all it is rare to find friendships that deep and on that level. It isn’t hard to find people that you want to lay down, but to find someone that you want to share that level of everyday intimacy with. That would be a connection worth more than its weight in gold. Combine that with a Man that makes your soul and heart sing. Well like I said, it is an ideal.


I guess the whole point of this mess. Is that maybe I should revaluate certain issues on my end, but at the time certain restrictions still exists in my life. Yes, I am single. Yes, I am out to my family. But even with that, and with my family doing all they can to ‘understand’. How fair is it to show up at Xmas with your BF and GF in tow? How fair is it to me to be the one being the only one to never have the SO at Xmas? Then again if there already is a preexisting relationship, how in all that sane could I ever expect that woman that means so much to me to suffer a holiday or special occasion alone just so that I get the benefit of a body for the family show? How do you balance it all? What is fair and balanced? What meets the needs of everyone?




6/13/2008 2:18:22 AM


check my bad self out!! i actually (yes i did) got into a closet. yes i did!! no light, with the door closed. i didnt even freak out. i also did it on my own. (ok so maybe that doesnt count as much) but dern it i finally did it.

hey you let someone ask you if it is on your LIST and you realize it isnt. you better get over yourself. soo woohoo!! go me!!

for those that know me, that know i am slightly claustraphobic, this is a major break through. ok back i now return you to normal space and time.


i really shouldnt have access to journals and blogs when i am this punchy..

6/12/2008 10:56:11 PM
so i was just out walking the dogs, and this thought smacked me in the back of the forehead!! i am better than halfway through the 4th decade of my life. (ok ok not until Saturday)

now turning 30 just depissed me (leeism), to no limits. 35, the ephinany was that i was halfway to 70. (yeah that sparked some lively exchange with a lovely loaded mind, the poor boy) so now 36?

i still dont feel 30. ok somedays, dern... but overall i am not quite sure what 36 is supposed to feel like. overly hormoned masso? that i qualify for. deepthinking grown wise with my years? nahh i aint feelin that one. wiser maybe, but an overly fxing brain does not speak of huge depths.

ideal role model for the younger generation? heh!! Aunt lee's job has always been to corrupt the lil' darlins. nope that one aint floatin.

uptight, err upright productive citizen?? well i pay bills, taxes, insurance, and keep my house presentable. does that make me responsible? not really holding my breath there.

so i think i will stick with twisted, demented, opps, reformed innocent self.

thank you for participating in Lee's reflections


6/2/2008 9:39:11 PM

So I remember in some far gone class that fear takes two directions in your life. One it can act as a paralyzing agent. Freezing you in your tracks or it can also act as a roadblock. Standing in your way, making you standup and pay attention, act with a bit of caution before you bite off more than you can chew.


So when you possess the duality (I don’t know any other way to put it) of a slave heart and submissive will. Fear presents its own set hurdles. The will, after a few not so premium choices by the heart, sits like a bull dog. Setting defenses to ensure the overall safety of the whole being. The heart eventually has to prove itself and its capabilities. But on the flip side, in the heart’s defense, when defenses’ are minimal and the will’s ability to judge and function are compromised the totality of judgment potential becomes fudged, to say the least.  How can you blame the will when previous training and conditioning is shed, and the will’s facilities are restored?  Natural dictates little more than to go into overdrive to protect its individual from its foolish heart.


So based on this reasoning (if my logic isn’t totally fried) is it even possible to return to a reduced state of defense? Is it possible to convince the will that safety truly lies bending itself totally to another again? I test it now within scenes. I sometimes feel like I must grab a certain part of myself and convince it of its own safety, but I know the safety is there. I know that the staff and that people I have connected with help with that.


I know that in a lot of ways that helps me get a hold on those inner demons, but it truly doesn’t resolve the roadblock dilemma. After three years of freedom, I should know which way of dynamic I would lean towards. I know what my heart longs for, but I truly don’t know anymore what I am capable of. I can’t seem to decide if that fear is a freeze or a roadblock. Is it healthy or self defeating? It isn’t often that I can look inside and say “I don’t know”. This is one of them. But it really is the only way that we learn and grow.




6/1/2008 11:09:24 PM

Can we say thank goodness for small confined spaces? Notice please there was nothing in there about pitch black confined spaces.. Oh my stars!! Cages, a total and complete blessing!! Frazzled and slightly rattled, I asked for a bit of time in the cage Saturday. It was exactly what was needed. The click shrank reality. The strength in the cold steel limits your world. It isn’t an escape. It is simply a chance to ground, to give over for a bit, to ease into the safe small vulnerable inside.





4/27/2008 12:57:05 AM

Alright, I am not going to guarantee the condition of this journal entry. It is nearly 4am, and I just got back from the Wood Shed. (Boy did I need that)

So to the heart of this mess, the rhyme and reason if you will. There were some incredible scenes going on tonight, intense energy just flowing between and off both individuals. The desire to please and endure, to surpass the edge of your threshold, what a poetic moment. To be able to draw that beauty from a subject requires finesse, patience, understanding of your craft, truly it is an art form. The amazing thing is that you can tell those that go beyond the sceneing connection. Their connection can be nearly wordless. That connection bang the drum this evening. Whoa boy!! (Did it ever!) While I am very much enjoying my time single still, that drum reminded me of the why of the frustration, the aggravation with emails, all the mess in general. The best example I can give is my hair. Sounds corny right? Hold on. I spent two years not allowed to cut my hair. Trim, style, you bet ya, but no whacky. Well let the mind figure out, " Oh yeah, we can do that now." Boom!! It happened. So as a rededication to myself, I haven’t cut it in over a year. A discipline that I have willingly imposed upon myself, not for its past representation, but for myself and the future. for my heart.
Alright corny mushy vent

smooches lee

ps i promise i will proof this sucker tomorrow.

4/14/2008 11:45:20 AM
I was laying in bed thinking the other night trying to figure out how to get a much needed dose of control. Images of collars, leads, gags ran rampart through my mind. A night attached to these implements with the endless need for permission would provide such a refuge and rest for a weary mind, but the then the question of 'do me' comes up. Am I over stepping? Would I be asking to much for such a prolonged scene? That is a tremedous responsibility for an entire evening. Not to mention is it even proper for one such as myself to pop up with something that entailed?

I didn't work out all the details. Didnt stop to consider all the implications, because honestly the morality issues truly bothered me. Asking for that detailed of a scene, WOW.. Would the dominant opposite even pull much out of that, or would it simply be satisfying my submissive whims? That most definitely is a nono!! Major on the list of NoNo's, well if you ask me.


4/9/2008 9:22:33 AM
Alright that is it... hehe.. chores be damned, dogs be damned, (what are lil brothers for) i will be back in a couple of weeks. i wont be online a great deal while i am down south.


3/30/2008 4:20:45 AM

You know it is really odd the weak links you find in your armor, and how you learn to handle them, sub-space is one of those for me. On the surface, I deal with it wonderfully. After I hit it, I don’t like being touched. Just make sure I am breathing, warm fuzzy, and off in my own little corner. It is hours later that I don’t like to be alone. The time after your mind begins to cool. If you happen to read that silly sentimental mess that turns the water works on; when the jabber jaw affects starts. That is when I want someone to hold me for a wee bit, believe or not, that happens to be when I want to give back, shoot, even if it is just rousing my massaging skills. It helps to reground me, and channel the excess energy. It is the time when I have had a chance to process the pain, the pleasure, the passion, the gratitude, and all that happy stuff that goes with it. It is really when I can creep into the small vulnerable space.  


I guess that is why I keep myself from that edge. I truly don’t think the fur-balls really give a hoot..hehe.. But I wouldn’t trade one lick, poke, or stripe. You just learn to process things differently. There is nothing that a bit of trance (thank god for EBM), a good soak, and a nice walk (after a day or so of icing) can’t release and process. You get a more realistic sense of the pain. The sensations become truer. Of course nothing can replace that mental voyage, the fog, the enveloping flight of dropping. But on the other hand the speed coursing through your body for days, that continued rush, just steps beyond the baser hormones. (of course those pounce every time you pop your butt down, YAY!!)


I guess all in all admitting to those chinks aren’t all bad, you just find new and positive ways to deal..





i wrote this with like little to no sleep, and the aforementioned flight in progress. hopefully one of my proofers will come along and hollar if this thing makes the least bit of nonsense.. sheesh. i aint all that sure at this point.. dern.. claiming no brain at this point in the evening (look still my world, and in it the sun still lookin like the moon.. hehe)

3/28/2008 12:44:08 PM

Alright let’s get a few things straight, I am aware that a few people are strictly kink oriented. That is wonderful. Congratulations! I am proud of you. Yes, please notice that is dripping with sarcasm. Ya’ll have hit the fed up mark. Yes the profile says extreme, this doesn’t mean I have no sense, nor does it mean that I am a newbie and need a protector/mentor. Amazingly, I possess a bit of sense, on occasion, anyhow. I do have friends that will smack me in the head if I am doing something stupid.


No, I won’t screw you on the first meet. No I won’t suck you off on the first date. No I won’t ‘switch’ and top a dom on the first meet. No, I won’t play on the first. Ya’ll get the idea yet? No, you don’t get to collar me on the first meet. No I won’t cyber or phone. No, I won’t have a dern thing to do with you if someone else has papers on you already.


Yes, I have very few limits. Yes, these came through trail and error, and a lot of self exploration. Yes, I have my own home. Yes, if you have a submissive type person, I won’t disrespect her or that relationship in anyway, shape or form. Yes, I have established boundaries and limits, all depending on the nature of the relationship. Yes, eventually (notice that word, the futuristic nature of it) I wish to return to long-term ownership.


Until that owner materializes, it is all on me folks. There fore my boundaries and limitations on relationships is it. The no sex thing for playmates is perfectly acceptable. No mess, no fuss, cool, and detached. Friendship, yes, but there still needs to be a reservation. But even with dating there are certain activities I will reserve. I flat don’t believe that everything under the sun needs to happen prior to my ownership. Some things just fall into the realm of owner privileges only. (call me a romantic sentimentalist)


Alright I think that covers my rant for the day, you are free to return to your own realm of delusion.






3/28/2008 12:16:32 PM

Greetings from Lee’s world,

WOW! That is really all I know how to say. I don’t know how many times I have tried to write this entry. Half of them were all sarcastic like normal, then they get all gushy, or semi vulnerable. (that is just icky)


First of all I had a great time last weekend. Going to the munch was a great experience. My thanks to Master Cecil and Serving Wench for letting me follow them around like a lil’ lost puppy. I met some great and welcoming people. The rope class was wonderful and so much fun. The Wood Shed was packed Saturday night. I finally ran into people I have been talking to forever. People that I had met the previous weekend; just a great night of talking, and socializing; most of all I had a wonderful sense of comfort and safety.


Amazingly with a bit of encouragement, I ended up on the cross and later on the whipping post. This was the first time I had ever played in public or revealed myself physically. Yeah yeah, it was a bit humiliating, but ever so worth. The pain, such a blessed thing, a release that kept me flying for days.


I guess the most I can say is thank you. I don’t know that I can truly express my appreciation and thanks to everyone. Ya’ll haven’t seen the last of the leakylee. Scared yet? I look forward to future events, and hope that I can return the gift, even a small bit  of the that was generously given.


Love and light




3/15/2008 11:48:44 PM
Holy Crap!! Check it out.. chicken little herself finally broke down and went to the Wood Shed. It took 3 hours of psyching myself up for it, but I did it. YAY ME!! It was great! Everyone was really friendly. I completely enjoyed myself. THANK YOU!!

Now I am going to take my hot and bothered self off of here to go and clean something. You can listen to all that swinging and buzzing and clanking without getting a bit riled. And i discovered last night that a really good friend friend (insert) is back in state from PA. Good Weekend, ya think??

now off to find something to scrub, alright not totally good...grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!


3/14/2008 3:02:05 PM

I wonder if those who have served in the past ever notice the absence of that aspect of their lives. What the effects are and how it changes them once it is gone. I know that for myself I won’t ever be the same. Even though it is has been nearly three years since I was owned, my mind still misses that connection. Misses that control, that center, it isn’t the person so much anymore. It is what was represented in the relationship that is lacking.


It truly is only at the vulnerable times when this pops up. When I go in and evaluate. How I have changed. The need for the control is still prominent. The desire to serve is still strong. But it is the capability that I wonder about. I have become rigid. My flexibility is shot. Which truly makes me wonder if I will ever be able to serve again to full capacity, it worries me on occasion. A kinky sex partner isn’t something that I am ever going to be good at. Yeah, it calms the pissy frustrated beast that pops its head on occasion, but full ownership just completes me. I don’t know of any other way to explain it.


I guess to some degree I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.  A lot of that has to do with whom I chose, got captivated by, bought the crap from, whatever term you wanna use, as my owner. I am a bit hung-up on that. I haven’t forgiven myself for allowing me to be put into that mess. That is a hard thing to do sometimes. The odd thing is is that it is something only you can do for yourself. The white knights drive me nuts. I don’t need rescuing. We all have our quirks. I guess sooner or later I will acknowledge to myself that I made a mistake, and that it is alright to be human. I am not perfect. That should be interesting to see.. hehe..

3/8/2008 11:16:36 PM
It is really odd how things stand out sometimes. One of those odd moments happened the other night. I was talking to a friend of mine. We were discussing kissable lips.

Now truly luscious lips, those ones that just draw you in, that just demand adoration. A slight pout maybe, a softer look to them. You know those lips, the ones that nearly make you melt just at the sight. LL always always topped my list on celebrity lips. (ok so maybe that is being a bit objectifying, but dern)

Hands down though the art of skillfully applying a sensual set puddles a body to the floor. Amazing how simple the human psyche can be at times.


2/19/2008 7:10:07 PM
I have noticed an oddity of late. Lots of references to good hygeine lately in profiles and journals. Has there suddenly been a rash of people forgetting to wash, lather, rinse repeat? Razors getting lost somewhere between the Walmart and the car? I find this rash of potential funk disturbing, and I am off one people..


2/17/2008 5:23:44 PM
I have to ask, what is up with the sniffin out for newbie's? Do those of us with a bit of expeirence and some clue of who and what we are posses some kind of ick factor??


2/16/2008 8:17:23 PM

Sometimes reading the forums brings things back grey matter wanderings to the forefront of your brain, scary thought at times. While reading the Gorean boards on CM a thread on voting rights really sparked my own thoughts and concerns on the subject. Now being a lurker, primarily, occasional poster on the main boards at best. This isn’t something I would really comment on. The post itself could run on for days, just like this may..hehe.. It touches upon not only on the right to vote, but also on the essence, the core of a person of the slave itself.


Allow me to explain, my short years in PA I truly cared two flips one way or the other for regional politics. This partly lies in two reasons, one I had no understanding of the area’s overall political workings, i.e. commonwealth, state taxes, community taxes, labor unions. Two, I had no since of community with the area. No roots establishing me there. No nieces or nephews floating in the school systems. Nor any property ownership and it truly wasn’t an issue with my Owner, at the time.


Now after returning to Florida, I return to my community. I understand the politics, the motivations, and the property concerns. I have nieces and nephews floating in the school systems. Older members of the family relay on the health care system. The roots of my existence are in this state. Also being a competent, albeit debated fact, member of this sovereign state (not that that means much anymore) possessing members of my family whom have sacrificed for 300 and 400 years for this state, and community, where is the line of responsibility?


Yet an interesting statement was made in thread, those that are willing to sacrifice for freedom possess the right to vote. So if those of us that seek enslavement, even if it consensual, do we inherently give up that right to sacrifice? Or do we by right of inheritance of community and responsibility maintain the responsibility of tradition?


An interesting paradox, and once again a prime example of my thinking to bloody much.





2/12/2008 9:41:22 PM
Is honesty to strange of a concept? Just a general curousity..


2/10/2008 8:37:29 PM
notice to all visiting TOURONS!! We in the Orlando greatly thank you for your visits. It supplies a great deal of money for our economy, employs any number of people, and supplies us with a numberous supply of things to cuss and or laugh at yearly.

Now (granted I am taking it upon myself to speak for a larger group) I have yet to see any tourist package including the favors of those of us lucky enough to infest the Mickeyville area. So being armed with this information, might it be to much to ask for any traveling kinkisters to please refrain from soliciting said favors. 

Enjoy the traps already set for you, the laughs and cussing already provided by your normal actions is plenty. We truly require no more. 

thank you for your cooperation

1/31/2008 8:18:50 PM
thought for the day...

I know that wit can be a trial somedays. Can we just shoot for a wee bit of personality? It really isnt that hard to convey in the written form. A good Comp I instructor bashes that into your skull. Try it though. If you need examples, read through some profiles. The ones that you actually enjoy reading, or that catch your attention contain the above mentioned personality.

apologies for undo sarcasm...


1/24/2008 7:36:44 PM
Now I have honestly been resisting my trend here lately for nasty rants, but I am totally perplexed at the moment. Now there are not a hugeeee amount of us that slide into the more extreme side of play. I am sure that it also goes without saying that a goodly amount of my fellow kinkesters hope to eventually slide into an LTR. Nope, it doesnt happen overnight. That is just a simple matter of common sense. (somthing which i wonder about somedays)

But come on, that common sense dictates a bit of caution. I am not talking weeks on online. Matter of fact, I personally have little or no use for it. But if nimrods think that ropes and steel are creeping out on the first meet mayhaps I am not the one certifiable?

I can honestly say that I have only had two creepy meets from CM. One of them turned out to later be arrested on suspicion of four counts of rape. So if we as single women opt for a phone call before the meet, no play on that meet, and no penetration from play partners, that just might be our way of keeping our skin safe and attached.

Shoot the only person that has to deal with the cranky witch in the long run is herself. So try respecting a woman's right to protect herself and maybe retain a bit of morality (not like there is much of that left anyhow).


12/5/2007 1:44:58 AM

Ever wonder about guilt? Is it really a purely selfish emotion? I am talking about that shaft of fear that stabs torso to gut. The pressure of disappoint that kinda nails you to the floor. Is that really all that selfish of a body??

11/4/2007 7:01:31 AM
lookie lookie.. lee is off on a rant. i know no one really gives a hoot.. oh well..

so i just got the umpteenth(is that how you spell that) email from the absentee profile. yeah, i know that mine is all kinds of longwinded, and that there appears to be all that prattle to accompany it. well, guess what! there would be a point to that, it gives people an idea about me (well if said people take time to read the mess). yes i am one of those said people.

so i am curious, does the filling out of the profile cause some malandy that no one happens to be currently aware of? does it hinder the cognitive function?

just some thoughts folks...


7/27/2007 7:17:06 AM

Now look folks (I know this is just about useless) you dont see me griping about no replies to my emails. That rarely happens, but no reply is a reply, but take the time to read the bloody profile. I know it is long. I know it is wordy, but I promise that it wont tax your little brain unduly. There arent that many big words. There are none of those words written in any language that it isnt in English. So give it a whirl, take a moment, exercise those brains that got inserted (hopefully) at some point between conception and birth.

Now if you really want to save yourself sometime. Reading the journal entries would be a huge assist.

thank you greatly

love and light

7/18/2007 2:09:55 PM

Alrighty then, here we go off on one of Lee’s tangents. Ready, set, rant!! (Hey it has been while) I promise this one doesn’t concern my fellow jaded pissy slaves and or their fellow dominant counterparts. Shoot we could write a whole book on that mess. Anyhow I digress.


My fit today focuses on the C word. Yes, many of us know it as CONTROL. I happen to be one of those charming idiots that requires oodles of it. I want it. I need it. It simply is the way that I function at peak capacity. Now this doesn’t mean that I am a blathering drooling fool, well most days anyhow. It merely means that I prefer an individual that wants his slave totally and completely dependent upon him. To some this is going to reek of codependency, nope. It represents more of an interdependency, a symbiotic relationship, one reliant upon the other  


Ohhh that was bad to say out loud wasn’t it… well beat me later. The one amazing thing that I am seeing of late is that while this situation appeals too many. The scale of responsibility and time doesn’t seem to sink in. The amount of balance and control required in the dominant goes beyond that needed in the typical D/s relationship. Maybe I am just failing in my explanations. I know that this is a very exclusive niche within our world. It sounds lovely in theory, but in practical application, not so easily done.


I guess I really should get to my point, huh? Shouldn’t we know ourselves? Shouldn’t we have some idea of where we want our ultimate paths to lead? If the idea of complete owner/property appeals to you wouldn’t it make sense to befriend some? Get practical firsthand knowledge of what all is entailed in that kind of life on a day to day basis? Flying by the seat of your pants, and ‘winging it’ just doesn’t make a great deal of sense when you are seeking your partner in a long term relationship. A bit of self analysis goes along ways.


Love and light


7/2/2007 2:38:57 PM
i have always wondered why people tend to get sooo excited and touchy when it comes to the subject of needles, knives, and god forbid blood. yeesh!!

4/19/2007 11:00:43 PM
so there i was sitting behaving, yeah it is soo true, i can do it. i swear i can. anywhoo.. while i sitting there, this lil birdie comes by, informs me of a few things..

to be blunt and honest is disrespectful.

(imagine my shock there)

to possess a sharp wit, a breach of edicate.

(here i thought it was a bloody sense of humor)

to be aggressive sexually, or playfully, is topping from the bottom.

(now here i thought that was just not being a dead lay) oi..

as for topping from the bottom that is a whole other rant, and i still dont understand that concept or think it is really possible. it is called being manipulative. there is no reason to give it a fancy name. just some twit getting her panties in a bunch and not having the gumption to simply request what she wishes. sounds more like an ill match to me.

of course everyone knows once i simmer down about this i will take it down, but oh well.. here it is..

enjoy and have fun.

3/26/2007 9:25:29 PM
I have been thinking lately. Titles, labels, do we have them because they fit who we are, or because we have a right to them, or because that is a position we once held? i know that i have had myself listed as a slave for about 2 and a half years, give or take.This was mainly due to the position that i was then serving in. i was His slave, mental doormat, to some degree. Oh yes, i know that some detest that word, but sometimes even the most strong willed twits go there willingly. i know that i did.

it was something that was His desire. i knew that mentally the control was going to present. i knew that my mind was going to opened to things i had never expeirenced. i wasnt quite prepared for the rapid course, nor the depth that my independent self dropped to.. oh well..

Point of this babble, i truly wonder now if i have the right to still maintain a label of "slave". That willingness to give, the desire to be accomadating without seeing to my list, and my agenda first...well lets just say i dont see it happenin to some degree. Hey i should at least get points for being honest..hehe..

i put my own welfare, concerns, and overall ahead now. Of course i have heard it argued that submissives types shouldnt be let loose for an overly long time being that the whole independence thing reassurages itself. There maybe some truth to this, there may not. who knows? something to think about..

thank for your time..

love and light

3/6/2007 3:12:37 PM
I gotta ask it. How come nearly everybody wusses out when it comes to teeth? They are a good thing. As long as there is still some limited brain function left, there wont be any lasting damage. I promise. (nope nuh, huh, no fingers crossed here)

Now just because a body grinds thier and they are sharp as get out. That is nooo reason to be scairt. Learned a long long time ago just how um potent these things were. The sensations can vary 90 thousand different ways. About the only time that fear has to come into the equation is when a body really really gets all animalistic.  But dont worry, never have taken a chunk out. So think about it. Roll with it.

Remember chewies are a good thing.


3/1/2007 7:43:52 PM
So some thoughts on a couple of things that should hopefully connect somewhere along the lines. After nearly five years in the lifestyle, one would hope that an individual has a fairly solid grasps of all of thier; play, emotional, and social limits. Now some of this comes through trial and error. Some of it comes through your upbringing, yada yada.. But ultimately it would seem to me that if you didnt define this information for yourself, you are going to have a hell of time defining it for another.

Where this is stepping is for those that like to throw out "you arent a slave". Yeah, yeah, it is a title. It is something that only myself and the one that I serve can truly define, but, there is a key word there, serve. When I am in service and dont have to sweat all the major items of my day, then one is free to zoom in on another.

If you are running your day to day life, dealing with those responsibilites, how can you expect someone to be other than thier "normal" selves? If the trust of care and responsibilty is not there on both sides then how can it be expected of a submissive to just bounce off and be all slavey? The day doesnt stop. Responsibilites dont stop. If the dominant figure isnt putting themselves out there, then how can one expect it to be instantly reciprocated?

just some thoughts before we start throwing out the you arent true statements..

thank you for listening to my rant

2/8/2007 2:50:31 PM
i think that i am going to take a moment to rant. to any that disagree feel free to throw it out there. i see multiple profiles and journal entries on both sides of the power orientation preferences (how do you like that phrasing? hehe) much of it is in reference to the jaded taste that so many find foul. well isnt it to be a bit expected. (ok, newbies are pretty excluded from this dance) after a few years of learning all the steps you kinda find your stride. you have ran through the frenzy. you have cast off the rose colored glasses. (learned that just because someone is in the lifestyle doesnt mean they are anymore honorable than the nonkink version) hopefully you have made that inward journey, learned all about yourself. you are at that happy place within.

now having done all this you have also made friends along the way. you have found your likes and dislikes. most likely you have had a relationship or two. hopefully none have been to toxic. there is a good chance that they have been. those inward journeys tend to come when your guard is down. those toxic individuals help bring it down and focus you inside.

the lovely part about all this is that it creates a learning process and curve. one learns what they need, and what they want. for a submissive, and here i speak for myself, you also learn that the time to speak, negagoitate, for myself, is in the begining. once the focus shifts to the dominant partner, me, goes to hell in a hand basket. so the blunt, plain spoken is something that is neccesary from the get go, otherwise i lose. that leads to a we lose.

so before everyone throws down on the jade, just remember that it is a beautiful stone with the strength to stand the test of time. (a cliche that truly fits the moment)

love and light

10/11/2006 12:57:29 AM
It is rather interesting when the dots link up into lines. I have faught with myself on and off the last four years over reliquinshing control, but it isnt about control. Well it is and it isnt. A little light bulb went off today. It is about giving up, surrendering.

When we make the choice to submit, it is just that a choice. It is something done of our own freewill. It doesnt matter whether it is in our "true" nature of not. It is still something that the individual opts to do on a daily basis. Hence consent, but it seems today that I finally managed to take it that step further. That submitting daily also means surrending the control of our individual person as well. So it all forms a line within itself. We choose to sumbit daily to the constraits placed upon us, but we must also choose to surrender and yeild. Otherwise it can induce internal choas.

I will let you know when I figure out how I am gonna accomplish the latter.. hehe..

love and light

8/25/2006 8:09:46 AM
I just thought I might add this little note for a bit of clarification. I am home from my ventures out of state. I am in my house, remodeling, painting, redoing my yard, and all that happy mess. The thought of hauling my belongings and myself back across the country, well to be honest. The thought just makes me shudder. Relocation is just NOT something in my future. Possibly in state is workable, but out state, no way. I have to mny family members aging, and thier health headed south. This was part of my prompting for coming back south. So my cracker self is staying put.

Besides packing and toting all this stuff around requires at least a 17 foot moving truck, and that is if I keep it on the light side. Hey at 34, I should have something to show for my efforts, dern it...hehe...

Thank you for your time..

8/5/2006 11:16:30 PM
I am finding myself feeling a bit vulnerable tonight. Mayhaps some of those slavey feelings are nearer the surface these days than most. Just a bit of an insight for the contradiction that appears between some of my posts here in my journal and the otherwise bottom like attitude of my profile.

I have plunged into that magnificent depth of my slavehood (hmm new word, or leeism). My mind and heart have given the love and devotion. But sometimes we do not choose correctly.

None of us are infallible. We simplely either allow ourselves to chewed up with resentment or we choose to learn from our mistakes. I choose the latter.

Bruises fade with time. I know that at some point I will love and devote myself as property. That time simply is not now. We all must walk through our lives at a pace that is comfortable for us. At this point I choose to go places within my mind that I have previously not gone. Those darker forbbiden realms that taboos and Mama's just dont want to think of. This is what is right for me.

May peace and light be with you

4/27/2006 5:11:58 AM
alright, this is rather unsual for me but this is a neccesity. as a submissive female, that has strong slave tendacies,  i would like to set a few things stright, well in my own personal view. first of all limits are a neccesity in the begining of any situation simply for safety sake. i do truly believe that we should attempt to shed these for our Masters, but this takes time. it is not an overnight process.

next, our duties and responsiblities as slaves do not disappear just because we are owned. we owe it to our owners to create a sanctuary within thier households. a home that runs smoothly, that soothes, pleasant surroundings, this is of the highest importance. it maybe thier domain, thier household, but the maintainance of said home is for us to do.

just because we are slaves does not mean that we shed the right to happiness. although most of our pleasure and delight ensues from our service, ensuring tranquility can only better our lives as well as that of our owners. balance and knowledge can only strengthen us. lead us to a higher road.

joy and laughter to all

4/13/2006 12:15:09 PM
Enslaved Infinity

streching out, undulating through waves of time, uncurling. Vines from One creep through crevices, finding the chinks: wearing, warring, commanding by whatever means neccesary. Fingers have sank into the fathoms of thought, and creation; firmly implanting studs that grow length by length with the chains that tehter a hold never breaking.

Life's emblem stamped on skin Wreath of thorns into the hide, grasping, holding, crimson droplets marking thier enternal position. Marked, taken, no longer untamed.

Simplicity freedom?

3/14/2006 10:33:09 PM
we all have teeth for a reason, to bite with. this is a good thing. the pressure can vary in a number of  amazing ways. some of us have sharper teeth than others. this just leads us to having to learn how to better apply the darlings. don't fear them. by all means use them!! one never knows the simple joy that can be missed from these wonderful tools..

peace and joy to all

12/4/2004 1:05:29 AM
what is freedom?  

Is to give 100% of yourself to another? is it to follow your nature and desire? to be free of societies opinions, contradictions, and affilctions?

Is freedom the capability to trust, to find safety, to be open, vulernable, defenseless, is that not the ultimate freedom?

The right to pursue happiness should come in any form. the knowledge of personal satisfaction of seeing to the needs of One that i choose , and that has found me worthy should not this be seen as a determinant in the equation of personal freedom?

To be nutured and to grow under the tutelage of one that demands precision from me, i see as a gift. to be chosen , an honor. no where is there shame in accepting this duty. all comes from choice.

so if indeed this is our choice, our will, then is this not our freedom?

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