I'm not sure if I've cracked a chest rib or pulled a muscle, either way, it hurts like hell. The minions will have to finish the decorating!

Sorry I've not been around much, but to be honest, I just couldn't be bothered!

If you've mailed me, I promise I'll get back to you some time next week. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye . . . Ok, maybe not the needle in the eye bit but you get my drift.

As usual, I will be on the www.trusseduk.com stall at the London Fetish Fair tomorrow. Do come and say hi, we're all very approachable. I'm the one with big tits that's laughs a lot, loudly!

Awww bless, seems I've shattered the oh so fragile ego of a 25 year old 'master'! Naughty, naughty Jozz. I shall no sit quietly and contemplate the actions that got me blocked . . . NOT!

Still chuckling, who's next? I'm bang on form today ;)

All I seem to read on profiles/journals these days is "Everyone's a fake/scammer/nutter, I'm leaving this site forever" . . . . . It's like the adult version of "I'm running away" lol

Cross posted from my journal on another site . . . 

I've found a new hard limit . . . . Spitting! Non negotiable!

LONDON FETISH FAIR this weekend. I'll be on the www.trusseduk.com stall, as usual. Pop bye and say hi, tell me you're from here and I'll give you a 10% discount (apart from on jewellery).

Hopefully see you there.

Thank you to the Dom I met at the weekend, who told me . . 

"You're exactly the same in real life as you are online"

WYSIWYG . . That's me :)

I'm out of here for now. If you come along to Kink In Carlisle, pop by the Metal Monkey stall (that's me) and say hi :)

As for the rest of you. I'll be back late Monday afternoon sometime.

I won my first cage fight last night!!!

The budgie never knew what hit it ;)

KINK IS PINK!!!

This month, Kink In Carlisle is going pink in aid of Breast Cancer awareness. There will be a range of pink items for auction, all donated by the traders. From floggers and paddles, to jewellery, collars, butt plugs and dildos, some of which can be seen here - https://.com/users/2659222/pictures

There will also be a rope bondage demo, along with a session on self bondage.

Hopefully see some of you there. I will, as usual, be running the Metal Monkey stall . . . Despite being at deaths door :(( 

I'm ill, someone come look after me . . . Please?

Evidently, I have 60 'Admirers' . . . . I don't know what that means.

Is it people who read your journal? . . If it is, fair play to you lot, cos I really do post a complete load of old tripe at times :)

Back in South East London.

The Millwall benefit night for my friend who has terminal cancer, exceeded all wishes. Over £3,000 raised to help him do his bucket list.

I'm now having a day off! )I was up at 5am yesterday to be back in London in time) So today, I'm staying in bed, smoking weed and wanking.

PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB!!

Normal service will be resumed shortly ;)

I'm currently in Gloucester and will be til the weekend. Back in London on Saturday but have a busy weekend booked. I'll update and answer mail as and when I'm able to.

London Fetish Fair this weekend at the new venue in Vauxhall. . . who's going? I am :D you can find me on the www.trusseduk.com stall. Come by and say hi.

High time I did something constructive . . . think I'll have a nap 

Still Feeling Lost.

A crossroads or a new path in life? I don't know what I want anymore. I've lost faith in myself, everything has been thrown into doubt.

Like a lot of others, when I discovered BDSM, I was like a kid in a sweet shop! I wanted to try everything, I'm still a bit like that. I'm what my friend calls a 'sensation junkie'. At first, I identified myself as a switch, because I never thought I could give up that amount of control. As my experience grew, I identified as a sub and up until the last few days, that's what I've been for the last few years.

I've had more than my fair share of unsuitable relationships, that I gave my all to, because I wanted them to work. Even when it was obvious they were never gonna last. The only constant in those failed relationships is . . ME!

SO what the fuck am I doing wrong? AM I trying to be something I'm not? Am I really a sub? I'm definitely not a Dom! Hell, I couldn't even switch. So what the fuck am I?

I'm a hedonist. I'm a masochist. I'm a kinkster. I'm a brat. I'm a sensation junkie. Pain makes me wet. As does fear. Nothing turns me on more than fear and taking risks.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't know what I want.

I am so fucking lost!

I'm Not Submissive . . Am I?

I have an opinion (on most things) and am not afraid to state them; So I can't be submissive, can I?

I'm a masochist and a sadistic bitch too; So I can't be submissive, can I?

I'll question your motives and not call you Sir; So I can't be submissive, can I?

I'll poke fun and I'll laugh, whether I'm right or I'm wrong; So I can't be submissive, can I?

I'm a hedonist, I'll forget rules and get caught up in the moment; So I can't be submissive,can I?

I'm an adult, I'm a little, I'm something in the middle. A sadomasochistic, playful hedonist; SO I can be submissive too, can't I?

Teacher asks her class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

Maisie stands up and says "Alligator."..."Very good that's a big word."

Next is Hector "Predator..that's what mummy calls our dog."..."Excellent that's amazing."

Then it's little Reggies turn "Vibrator Miss.".... After spitting a mouthful of coffee all over the desk, she said "Erm Reg that's a massive word, but it doesnt eat anything."..

"Well Miss my mums got one and she said on the phone to me nan it eats fuckin duracells like there's no tomorrow!"

Time to get creative and make some more jewellery in time for the London Fetish Fair next weekend.

I'm off to play with a vulnerable, personality free brain. Gotta love the Job Centre Plus staff *rolls eyes*

Have a great day everyone. Celebrate . . . You woke up today :)

Back Here On Planet Earth. . . 

I move in polite circles, yes, nearly all of them are kinky or football related (bit of a crossover at some points) but under no circumstances is it ok, in any of those circles to message random females and tell them that you want to rape them!!!

What The Fuck??

Seriously dude . . Not OK! Now if I was in a committed relationship, with someone I trusted with my life, then . . yeah! (Even though I am a survivor of rape) but to randomly message me and tell me that you want to "ruin" all of my "pretty pink holes" and "Would love to rape" me, then that, is seriously fucked up and creepy! I am so glad we live on opposite sides of the world!

KINK IN CARLISLE - KINK IN CARLISLE 

I will be trading at Kink In Carlisle tomorrow on the Metal Monkey stall. First stall you get to on entering the fair.

http://kinkincarlisle.co.uk/

 BDSM/ Market & After Party hosted by Dragon George of Exodus fame.

Wonderful onsite carvery, plush surroundings and reasonably priced rooms for those staying overnight. Just tell them at the desk that you're with the market and you'll get special room rates.

What's not to like?

.

Oh Woe Is Me - I Have Been Deemed Unworthy!

I'm lying about the "Oh Woe Is Me" bit. I seem to have been inundated of late with mail from "Experienced cyber/online Doms". How do you get 'experienced' at that, read 50 Shades Of Birmingham? (It's a real book! http://50sob.co.uk/

 ) I don't get it, I really don't. As part of a real life relationship, then yes, but just online?

Anyway, back to the mail. It would seem that my "Fuck off and get a life" responses have not been well received and I have been deemed unworthy as a sub! My point blank refusal to call anyone Master/Sir/UberDom/LordoftheUniverse has resulted in some rather fragile egos being shattered. . . Evil, nasty subby type person that I am ;)

Now, although I don't feel the need to justify myself to anyone, I'd just like to say that I've been in this lifestyle (for want of a better term) for a few years now. I'm quite a well known face in some circles, yes, I actually go out and meet people in real life! How scary is that? I've played in public and at private parties and I don't, generally speaking, do 'pretty play'. I need pain, real blood, sweat, snot and tears pain. I play with knives and needles. Fuck, I tattoo myself for fun! I will push myself to my limits . . and then take just that little bit more, just to hear the pride in your voice when you say "Good girl, well done". To know that you're proud of me, that I have pleased you is enough for me. 

So no, I don't 'do' online and I don't do it, because I haven't met you! I haven't got the feel of you. I have smelled you and more to the point, there's NOTHING you have that I need. I know what I need, I know what I want . . and it's not You! Thanks for the offer and all that, but you can move along now and stop talking about yourself in the third person, it just makes you sound an even bigger prick!

Rant over :D Happy Friday everyone. The weekend is in sight. Let's parrrrrtyyyyy!

Kink In Carlisle - Kink In Carlisle

I will be trading at 

http://kinkincarlisle.co.uk/

 BDSM/Fetish party & After Party on 20th October. Market from 12 - 6 After Party with dungeon furniture by the legendary Dragon George from 6.30.

Onsite carvery from £5.95 and reasonably priced rooms for those wishing to stay overnight.

I had the pleasure, twice in 4 days, of meeting up with two people that I have been speaking to online for over 5 years.

The first at the Worthing Munch. A thoroughly pleasant gentleman with smiling eyes and a wonderfully kinky mind. 

The second, took me out to lunch yesterday and I have never known 2 hours to go so quickly. I look forward to talking with him again.

Life's certainly busy lately #feeling good.

Dad was in a bad way when I got back to London. I was shocked at how quickly he'd deteriorated, I hadn't been gone that long. A couple of really rough, undignified couple of days followed.

Mum was exhausted, I told her to have a day off, that I would visit (as I had been every day) and she reluctantly agreed. I was shocked to see Dad in bed when I got there, he hadn't been in the bed since the first night he went in, 7.5 weeks ago. He was slumped against the side rail and clutching at his side in pain. His voice was a rasp. I got him some Oramorph and some ice chips. He took the medicine for me like a small child, the nurses hadn't been able to get him to take his meds for 2 days. He let me feed him ice chips, hand to mouth and after a while was able to talk. I sat him up and continued with the ice chips, he told me "just keep them coming" he had 3 cup fulls before he'd had enough. We chatted about my younger brother finally getting engaged, Dad was over the moon about it and we chatted amiably. He refused his dinner but said "Mmmm that'd be good" when I offered to get him an ice lolly, he enjoyed it so much that i went and got him another one. Wiping his chin and neck as it dribbled down.

The nurse came round with the drug trolley and again, he took his meds for me and I jokingly told him he was a "good boy". He smiled his cheeky grin at me and the nurse thanked me for getting him to take them and moved on. I helped Dad move his heavily bandaged legs over the side of the bed as he told me "I want to move, but don't know where to" . . . "It's a bloody hot day Dad" and it was, the hottest day of the year so far. The 1st of August, the day my gran (Dad's mum)had died and also that of my aunt, Dad's sister in law. I sat with Dad til 7pm then told him I was going to put his legs back in bed and put the side back up as it was time for me to go. Meek as a lamb, he just nodded in agreement. As I got his legs on the bed, I noticed and small black patch about the size of a 50 pence piece on his foot. I didn't mention it to Dad, just settled him back in bed and put the side up. I asked if there was anything else he wanted before I left and he shook his head and thanked me for visiting. I kissed him on the forehead, as I always do and said "I love you Pops, bye". As I got to the end of his bed he said "Been a good day". I smiled back at him and replied "yeah, it has been a good day hasn't it?" and put my thumbs up "I'll see you tomorrow Pops" he just smiled, nodded and gave me a thumbs up.

I called mum when I left and told her about our day and mentioned the black spot, so she could chase it up the next day. I never saw Dad again. The nurses called mum just before midnight and said he was taking a turn for the worse. By the time Mum got there, he'd gone. It was quick and peaceful in the end. They'd put a nebuliser on him and when they went to check on him, he'd gone. I'm sorry that mum never got to see him, but I firmly believe that he was at peace with himself. He'd fought long and hard and he'd just had enough.

Everything is a bit of a blur from there. I howled, literally, when I was told he'd gone, for how long I'm not sure, but I know I got myself together and went straight to mum. I helped mum arrange the funeral, big brother managed to fuck off and leave us to it all, nice one bruv! Fucking dick! We had one hymn and a couple of readings that mum wanted. All Dad had specified in his funeral plan was, No black (unless you want to) No family to carry the coffin and No flowers (except from immediate family) he wanted donations for the British Heart Foundation (we've had over 200 quids worth so far!). The following days were spent supporting mum and my kids. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find the words for the 'Tribute' I as to read at the funeral.

The morning of the funeral arrived and finally, I managed to find some words but they didn't come close (in my mind) to capturing the essence of my Dad. A perfect gentleman, who walked on the outside, held doors open and never swore in front of women and children. The eternal big kid, taking great pleasure in teasing the grandchildren. Who poked his tongue out at my mum's back and chuckled when she told him off. I had to travel back from Worthing as I'd been to a friends wonderful burlesque wedding the day before. Fortunately I wasn't travelling alone, as I had my friends Spiral and Toria with me, both of who have been wonderful support for me throughout.

I went straight to mum's, Dad's brother was already there, along with my niece, nephew, brothers, cousins. It was a busy house, I held my mum for a long time, she couldn't speak from the lump in her throat, tears in both our eyes, we gave each other weak smiles and just nodded. There was no need for words, we knew how each other was feeling. Before I knew it, Dad was there, a simple spray of white flowers on his coffin. I shook hands with the funeral director Emma, who was lovely (a trapeze artist in her spare time) and she opened the back of the hearse to put in a pillow of flowers from my nephew and his wife. I laid a single red rose on the coffin and and stroked the wood as I spoke to Dad. I still don't know what I said. The time came for us to leave, I sat in the back with mum, we held hands all the way there. My uncle talked the whole time and all I could think was "Please Ian, shut the fuck up!!"

As we pulled into the crematorium we saw all the people. So many people! People from times long passed, their neighbours had turned out in force. It was overwhelming to see the support. Faces I hadn't seen in years! Old neighbours, people from church, people I'd not seen since I was a teenager and my friend Toria, there to support me.

As we followed to coffin into the chapel, I walked in on my sons arm. He'd worn his suit and tie out of respect. As the service went on and it came closer to the time I had to read my tribute, the more distressed I was becoming. The grandchildren all went up and placed single stem roses on the coffin, pink from the girls, yellow from the boys.
My niece stood up first and read the poem she'd written for him and I smiled encouragement at her when she stumbled, my elder brother at her side giving her strength (see, he does have his uses). Then it was my turn, mum looked at me questioningly, I just nodded and got to my feet. Again, my son offered me his arm and I gratefully accepted. I felt like I was walking through molasses. I looked once at the packed seats, I couldn't make eye contact. I could see my younger brother openly weeping and that choked me. I took a deep breath and was shocked at the strength of my voice. I'm told that I made people laugh. I just know that I got through it and only faltered over the last words. Back in our seats, it came the time for the committal. That was our undoing, all of us fell to bits. I held my son as he sobbed, then turned to cuddle my girls as they too sobbed and the rest of the family went over to my younger brother's wheelchair. He never cries. He was in bits.

Outside, we shook hands and thanked people for coming. My friend Toria at my side giving me strength, I introduced her to people she hadn't already met. My son hovering close by in case I needed him, both my girls at my side. We got back in the cars and went off to the last pub I'd worked in for the wake. Sandra, the new manager, had done us proud with the food, it was a lovely spread. I wanted to get drunk, but held back cos I knew mum wouldn't approve. We drank, we talked, we ate, we reminisced. It was how Dad would have wanted it. I stayed til the bitter end, my eldest at my side.

All things considered . . . Been a good day Dad.

I will miss you forever. I'm so lucky that I had you for so long, it was a privilege to be your daughter and I have a wealth of happy memories to draw comfort from.

Sleep well Pops, you've earned it.

Utter Utter Bastards!

I stay up late waiting for an auction on a pair of shoes to finish, that no-one else was even watching and the fuckers jumped all over it at the last minute!

Pissed!

I know there are a lot of weirdos and freaks on here, but why do they always find me?

Seriously, and I mean this from the heart . . . Fuck off and leave me alone! Especially the hair cutting twat with no respect for peoples limits!

After a hectic day with a mate from London, I'm now off to the Worthing Munch . . . and running an hour late already! Oooops!

Poorly kitten tonight :(

I hate being ill, felt rough all afternoon, but so much worse tonight.

I have just deleted over 70 pages of emails. Super efficient this morning. Amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you :)

It would appear . . . . 

That I am just a bit too real for some people!

Well that was intense!

Tit binding . . . Needles . . . Face slapping . . . Tit and nipple abuse . . . Anal . . . Rough sex . . .and Waterboarding!

Someone asked me today if I knew you? A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said . . . . "I used to"

Chat Requests - I'm flattered to receive chat requests, but please, especially if we've never chatted before, it's polite to ask first.

Thank you.

Filthy, rough "Dominate me and fuck me til I can't think straight" kinda sex would be just super right now.

Just back from a mental 2 days in London . . I'll catch up with all mail tomorrow.

Latest photo of my new hair cut n colour (done by me) now uploaded

Busy journal day for me . . But just have to put this out there or here, as the case may be.

I am not, never have been and never will be . . A Domme!

I am a fiercely independent woman. A person in my own right. I have opinions, lots of them and can be quite assertive, but I am a submissive to my very core. Hedonistic, masochistic, submissive. Messaging me asking to be my sub/slave is not going to change that.

Rant #2 of the day over.

I've had a break from here for a few weeks and still it's the same old bollox "No limit slave wanted" - "Caged and humiliated" - "Offering my sub up for use by others" - "Another sub wanted to add to my harem/stable".

What happened to romance and courting? A D/s relationship is no different to a vanilla one in that respect, trust and honesty are cornerstones. Something to be built upon. If all I wanted was to get laid, I'd go down my local pub. I'm not that much of a hag that I can't pull a bloke. I have enough wit and conversation that they don't even have to be drunk.

Try having a conversation for a change, instead of "Can you handle 9 inches" - "I'd love to fuck and humiliate you" and of course, the all time classic "If you were mine, I'd soon change you" - Why? Why do you ant to change me? I'm happy with who I am, if you want to change me, then I'm not the girl for you!

Rant over - Happy Sinful Sunday everyone and don't forget to go along and support your local Armed Forces Day. It's all thanks to them that we're allowed to do this stuff! 

Going to Brighton Twisted Market today, anyone else going?

For those that have been asking, I have now uploaded (on here) what photos I have of my tattoos . . . Enjoy!

It is with the deepest of sorrow that I must regrettably announce the death of Nick (aka LordLubeCan aka Nick the dildo seller) on 31st May 2013.

The news has obviously come as a huge shock to all of us and he will be missed.

At LAM on Sunday 2nd June there will be a candle vigil and opportunity to reflect upon his life and contribution to our lives. At 3 pm we will gather to say a few words and to hold a minute’s applause in his remembrance.

R.I.P Nick, a larger than life character, full of fun, who always had time for people. He will be sadly missed by many.

Rather amused by all the profiles that say they're 100lbs or under. Have seen one this morning purporting to be just 15lbs . . Sheesh! My right leg weighs more than that!

I'm off to the garden with my book to enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. 

Enjoy your day everyone, the weekend starts now.

I'm afraid I will not be at the munch tonight. Sorry guys, but in too much pain to be upright.

Have fun, I shall want to see photos (with permission of course)

In bloody agony with my back and have a shed load of stuff to do today!

Right, I'm off to the council and then the bank, if you see me hobbling around Worthing, do feel free to say hi . . . Any excuse to stop and have a coffee will be a welcome break :)

Have a great day everyone.

A beautiful day down here in West Sussex, time to go and plant the herbs and lettuces I got from the garden centre . . . Enjoy what's left of the long weekend everyone :)

I'm not bad . . . . I'm just angelically challenged ;)

Every day . . Same names, same pics and the same cries of "Fake" . . "He's a fake" . . "She's a fake" . . . To which I shout at the screen "Burn her" . . "Looks like a witch, floats like a witch, must be a witch . . Burn her!"

Then again, maybe I just watch too much Monty Python.

I'm not totally useless . . . I can be used as a bad example ;)

One of those quiet, relaxing Sundays . . . 

I've been in a quietly contemplative mood today. Just me, the ever present music and my thoughts. The weather's not been bad, it's not been beach weather but I've only just shut the patio doors and put my cardie on.

My biggest concern today was that I ran out of bacon and goats cheese, not bad for someone who's usually coiled tighter than a new spring. It's taken a whole week out of London for this to happen. Today, I've not been out, not spoken to a single soul, not even on the phone . . . and you know what? I'm really ok with that.

It's taken me a lot of years to be comfortable in my own skin, I still don't have a very good self image, but I'm learning to live with that too. Being disabled is hard, I'm not used to it and I don't like it. It's still hard for me to acknowledge my limitations. You see, my brain doesn't quite work the same as the rest of you. It sees things a lit off squiff. It's good or it's bad. . It's black or it's white. . I love you or I don't . . I like you or I don't (though I'm slowly getting the hang of being indifferent) . . You want me or you don't! It's not ok! There is no grey and if you don't want me . . Then I'm gone. Ghost! Quicker than you can think it!

I hate confrontation. It fucks me up, I get such an acute adrenalin high that it leaves me shaking afterwards. I don't naturally come out fighting, I'm not that sort of person. My first line in defence has always been humour. I LIKE laughing, it makes me feel good. I'm happier laughing at myself that 'at' someone. I'll make a 'fat' joke about myself before you can think of one. I've built a whole persona around being self derogatory.

Fight or flight . . I'll fly first, unless I feel cornered. Then I will do or say anything it takes for me feel safe again. I'm not the social creature some of you have met/think I am. I'm terrified of meeting new people, the adrenalin hit stays with me for ages. Got to face your fears sort of thing.

Why am I revealing all this?  . . Today, has been a good day. I have honestly been totally at peace with myself Right now, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be, than right here, right now . . with me :D I Rock!

Well, I nearly got blown off the pier the wind was so strong lol but at least I got to the beach. Also managed to stumble on market day, so fresh meat and veg that hasn't been pumped full of water and additives . .Bonus!

Walked/hobbled for miles, suitably knackered and going to luxuriate in my king sized bed with my new toy bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Off to the new flat. First night totally on my own for a long time. You wouldn't believe how much I'm looking forward to this!

Worthing, you're not gonna know what's hit you! lol

I will now be attending the Worthing munch and Twoknottygirls rope nights at the same venue and looking forward to making new friends :)

Oh dear, so many fragile ego's out there. I'm highly amused by the amount of 'doms' that seem to be intimidated by intelligence and humour. . . and while I'm at it. Act your age for goodness sake, 50+ year old men using text speak really isn't on. I don't like it when the kids do it, I expect more from the grown ups! 

I've just been told that I sound Domme. 

Made me laugh out loud, so thanks for that :)

I'm not a Domme and have no aspirations to be one, I don't even want to try switching, it's not who I am. That said, I do have a very strong personality and sense of self. I have a keen wit and humour is always not far below the surface, that's if I'm not outright laughing.

If you can't keep up, then don't expect me to be around for long.

Yayyyyy hasta la vista Londonium.

Freedom at last from the grime, the continual noise and the stress. 

Hello Sussex, the seaside, the peace and quiet and most of important of all hello ME time :D

5 days and counting!

The London Fetish Fair first, at our new venue The White Swan, Farringdon Street. EC4A 4AB. Then I'm escaping London for the summer!

Flat sitting for a friend. Peace, quiet, huge garden and a stones throw from the beach. Happy days :-)

Worthing . . . Here I come!!

In need of two shirts!

The first proclaiming "Does Not Play Well With Others" and the second one saying "Heavily Medicated for YOUR Protection"

My son asked me why oysters are Aphrodisiacs.

"Not sure son, maybe because they smell like fannies."

"Ugh, is that what mum's is like?"

"You tell me," I replied, "you were the last one near it."

I went to hospital with a toilet brush up my arse.
The doctor said, "How did this happen?"
I said, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another and we ended up back at mine..."
He said, "Into the kinky stuff was she?"
I said, "No ... my wife was home".

If Cinderella's glass shoe was such a perfect fit .. How did it fall off?

Does no-one use spell check any more?  . . and what's with all the text speak? You're not limited on the amount of characters you can use. Good grammar and manners go a long way people.

It's been four weeks today. . Four wonderful weeks (I'm grinning whilst typing this) it's been so much fun, there's been a LOT of laughter, pain, and  a few tears, (but He likes that).

I've been cuddled, cared for, loved and spoiled. What more could a girl ask for?

He's my first waking thought and the last thought before I go to sleep and dream of him. .  Smitten? TOTALLY!

Today is . . . . . . So much harder than I thought it was going to be :(

Thank you . .

Still a tad in awe  . . . Lots of firsts for me, who knew that I could beg like a bitch? and tears . .WTF? . . Twice now! Yes, because of the pain, but more the emotion. Knowing the pain I was getting was because he was cross with me. I'd disappointed him and that hurt more than even his cane . . and anyone who knows me, knows how much I fear and loathe the cane . . Subspace too . .wow . . still not quite sure what happened, fucking weird coming back when you didn't even realise you had left lol . . and so, so much more.

I fucked up bad last week, really bad, but . . He's given me another chance and I'm determined never to let him down like that again. I'm not saying I wont fuck up again, cos I will. Not intentionally (maybe) but I'm too much of a brat, (again, unintentionally) it's just in my nature *grins*, besides, I prefer the term playful, rather than brat!

So . . Thank you 

for teaching me, correcting me, caring for and looking after me, for giving me another chance (I wont let you down), but most of all . . Thank you for loving me xx

looooooooooooooooool I just got accused of being a bloke!

Dear Mr Cock Shot,

Do you know how squicky the majority of women find cock shots? Seriously, it's not appealing. Especially those disembodied ones, just hanging or in some cases pointing. . no body, no head/face. It's surreal to say the least.

We, and that's a generalised, royal 'we', I don't presume to speak for the rest of womankind, but in general, we would much rather a nice open face shot. Now I know, that's not always possible. Use an avatar, something that reflects your personality or what you require, turns you on. Just please guys, think it through, don't post a cock shot . . Unless you're asked for it ;)

jozz

I am on the most amazing journey at the moment and loving every minute of it . . A much over used word, I know, but it really is just Awesome!

Thank you :D

*Bounces . .. All going well (no extra work comes in) I'm going to the cinema tomorrow, gonna see Hotel Transylvania and get a sleep over with Himself *Grins*

.

.

.

Doesn't take much to make me happy *grins some more*

WOW! .. . . Seriously . . .WOW!

I have had the most amazing week. First meet last week went so badly wrong. Crossed wires about where to meet, phone numbers. It was bad, couldn't have been worse but . . I persevered, I really liked the sound of this bloke, so,we met in the evening instead of the afternoon and it's been fantastic ever since. Finally found what I've been looking for, without even knowing I was looking for it.

Limits pushed, boundaries broken. Really surprised myself. So many firsts for me this week. Still drifting, soon as I'm dropping . . He's there, with cuddles and kisses and more pain to help me focus.

WOW!

BDSM Mathematics 101 . . 

 If sub A has 3 rings each side of her labia and sub B has 2 rings each side of her labia and padlocks weigh x grams each. . .  How many padlocks can each sub have attached to their rings before they scream RED?

Today's been . . one of those days! Buses full of the great unwashed, all looking for Sunday bargains. Had a nice glass of Shiraz by the river £5.40 for a large glass! Could've bought a bottle for that ffs , , Bit of a balls up all round . . Waiting on a taxi to take me back!!!

Please don't bother if ..

Now I've been described as a "Handful" by more than one person. Personally, I just think of myself as lively, playful and only really a bit of a brat if I think you're a bit of a cunt winks but seriously, if you are even considering me as a sub, here are some things you need to know.

1. You should not have . . Had a heart attack or stroke or be considered to be at risk of having one. It's bad enough that I have a reputation for breaking Doms, I certainly don't need a reputation for killing them!

2. You should not have . . Had surgery or been in traction. I've got a bad back, I don't need you to have one as well. Cos if you think swinging a flogger twice is gonna cut it for my pain needs before I have to phone for the paramedics then we've already got problems. Cos I ain't sharing my meds with You!

3. You are unreliable or inconsistent, you're gone! . . Say you're going to phone/text? Then fucking do it! You get 2 chances with me First and last! Yeah, you might cross my mind as I wonder whatever happened to the guy with the 9inch cock who was going to ruin my arse, but it will be a fleeting thought, because . . . I've got bubbles! (not MJ's monkey. before anyone asks)

4. Walk your talk! .. Do not tell me what a wonderful rope bra you are going to make me, then turn up with a ball of string from the local hardware store. Seriously guys, you could have enough to fucking crochet a bra with, it ain't going anywhere close to holding up a pair of 36K tits!

5. Have decent equipment . . Do not lock me in handcuffs that then don't unlock so that I have to travel from Luton to London (on public transport) to be broken out of them by some rather nefarious characters in the middle of a busy pub OR have a paddle that's that flimsy that it splits clean in half the 3rd time you whack my tits with it. FFS, I know my nipples get hard, but they're not THAT hard!.

6. Be living APART from your ex . . Don't be telling me how you're separated, but can't afford to move out. Now, I know we're living in hard financial times and this is true for a lot of couples, but they don't still share the same fucking bed!

7. Swinging . . Not unless you're talking about taking me to the local park to play on the rides. I prefer the roundabout anyway.

8. I will not call you Master . . without adding "of the Universe" whilst thrusting my arm into the air as though holding a sword. You are not my Master on the 2nd or 3rd date (years for this title) let alone on the 1st and especially if you demand it. You'll just bring on my stress induced tourettes and I'll only be able to say "fuck off" from then on.

9. Walk Your Talk! (revisited) . . Be who/what you say you are. You are not a whip maker extraordinaire just cos you've made a couple of scoobies for your grandkids! Casting for fly fishing does not qualify you to use a 16 foot bullwhip. Being a rubber fetishist means more then having an elastic band ball on your desk at work. Watersports does not mean you want to take me out on your jetski ffs!

10. I mean what I say . . Literally, so if I ever say to you "Fuck off, you're a prick" . then fuck off, cos I really do mean it.

11.And finally marrows . . No matter how disgusting, they are FOOD Not for going up my arse!

Money isn't Everything

It can buy a bed - but not sleep

It can buy a clock - but not time

It can buy a book - but not knowledge

It can buy you a position - but not respect

It can buy medicine - but not health

It can buy blood - but not life

It can buy sex - but not love

So you see, money isn't everything. It often causes pain and suffering.

So send me all your money, let me suffer for you. You know it makes sense ;)

Back after a 5 month break . . . Wonder if it's the same old faces and the same old bullshit? Time will tell, I'm not holding my breath . . . 

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but his beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and him walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous...

Now all I needed was the perfect way to introduce myself

i've just been told off for being miserable! :O and there was me thinking what a cheerful soul i am. Maybe those who don't get that my journal is written with tongue firmly in my cheek shouldn't read it any more?

And to redress the balance . . . I lost my Grandmother last night.

But to be fair, a pair of fives was never going to beat a Royal flush.

Girl walks into a bar and orders 2 tequila's. She drinks one and throws the other one down her knickers. The barman shouts "Oi, what are you doing?"

She replies "I've just won the lottery, and this is the only cunt I'm sharing it with"

:D enjoy your day, whatever you're doing.

Totally face planted the carpet yesterday. Complete black out . . .the perils of overdosing on Tramadol :(

Happy St Georges Day everyone

Ok, i dunno who's in charge of running this thing called life, but i wanna complain . . . It's someone elses turn for some shit, this is getting ridiculous now!

At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was playing herself furiously. 

He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. 

She welcomed his help, and so the man started playing her like crazy. 

When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. 

Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly. 

"Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!" . . . :O

Strong arms to hold me tight and soothing words to keep me safe. . . . . Everyone's allowed to dream

The moral of the story is . . . . 

 . . .

 . . 

 . . 

Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life ;)

Today's lesson is . . . . . Do Not touch electrical thingummies with wet hands! 

How cute, i have a stalker!  . . . . but she's blocked me from talking to her lol

Tears are words from the heart that can not be spoken :(

my old mum's had a fall, 13 stitches in her mouth/lips. . . . . offline for a while

Whoaahhh! What's with the sudden flurry of cock shot profile pics i'm seeing on my 'viewed' page? Are your faces really that bad that a cock shot is more appealing?

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,

 "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied,

 "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked,

 "What are you thinking now?"

He replied,

 "It looks as if I did a pretty good job

It's the 2nd Sunday of the month, which means it's time for the London Fetish Fair.Time for me to get going, don't forget to come by the Trusseduk.com stall for a huge range in floggers, crops, canes, clamps etc etc and of course, please say hi :) . . . i'm outta here for the day. Have a good day people,

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke 

with the toothache an anaesthetic injection.

“No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the guy said.

So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas

and the man objects again. “I can't do the gas thing either.

The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!”

She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.”

When she returns she says, “Here's a Viagra and a glass of water.”

The guy says, “Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”

“It doesn't” she said, "But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."

In pain . . and not the good sort.

Dracula's daughter didn't have a clue how to cope with someone with Raynauds Disease, so, two arms, 1 foot and 4 needles and 5 hours later. i'm finally home.

i don't often give in to pain, but i'm crying tonight . . . . 

After yesterday's torrential rain, it is now shining in sunny South East London . . . i'm off to see draculas daughter, bet it's still bloody cold out there!

Kids know far too much these days.

Today in the Dr waiting room a little girl had her Barbie and Ken doll imitating the doggy position.

I told her "If you keep doing that you'll end up with little baby dolls"

She replied "I don't think so dickhead, he's doing her up the ass"

London Fetish Fair - This Sunday. March 11th.

Who's going? . . . Apart from me :D

Arrrrrrgh! Nightmare journey today, buses filled with raucous school children . . . As my daughter snapped at one of them "If your age is on the clock, don't talk to me". Now in pain and grumpy, coffee and drugs needed!

It's a sign of the times, when the 7 year itch, turns out to be chlamydia!

‎"Would you swim across the ocean for me?"

"Why would I do that when there's boats?"

"No but if there wasn't a boat..."

"Then I'd fly across."

"NO, THERE IS NO TRANSPORTATION!!! YOU CAN ONLY SWIM!!!!"

"Pfft not with that attitude."

Trouser Snake 

If you think that the Cobra is the most venomous snake in the world then you are mistaken... The following snake has been found to be the most venomous.... 

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) 

LOCATION: Throughout the world 

DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. 

Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 1-3 feet) 

* Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & subspecies. 

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. 

Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen! 

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places. 

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men. 

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED: 

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected. 

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks any how. 

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success. 

SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM: 
1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front. 
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion. 
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting. 
4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked. 
5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 15-20 minutes. 

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not 
necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.

Ohhh dear . . i appear to have caught a hangover whilst i was sleeping!

Wont be back til thursday . . . . . try not to miss me too much ;)

The Biro i was chewing has just leaked. . . . . . i now look like i've been giving head to an Avatar!

Good friends don't let you do stupid things . . . . . . . . . . alone

i bought my ex a chair. . . . . . . . . but the state wont let me plug it in ;)

This weekend, i shall mainly be doing a tramadol detox, not a pleasant experience, but one i need to sort out sooner rather than later . . . . . . Normal service will be resumed shortly

How To Use The 'F' Word.

1. Dismay ~ Oh fuck it!

2. Aggression ~ Fuck You!

3. Passive ~ Fuck me

4. Command ~ Go fuck yourself

5. Incompetence ~ He's a fuck up

6. Laziness ~ He's fucked off

7. Ignorance ~ He's a fucking jerk

8. Trouble ~ I guess I'm fucked now

9. Confusion ~ What the fuck?

10. Despair ~ Fucked again!

11. Philosophical ~ Who gives a fuck

12. Denial ~ You ain't fucking me

13. Rebellion ~ Fuck the world

14. Annoyance ~ Don't fuck with me!

15. Keep on fucking

16. Etiquette. ~ Pass the fucking salt please

17. Fraud ~ I got fucked over

18. Identification ~ Who the fuck are you?

19. Difficulty ~ I can't fucking understand this

20. Ugliness ~ You're fucking ugly

21. Agreement ~ You're fucking right!

22. Benevolence ~ Don't do me any fucking favours.

Ziploc bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A tire is male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A hot air balloon is male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A web page is female, because it's always getting hit on.

A subway is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An hourglass is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A hammer is male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A remote control is female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying! 

Teacher "Billy, if there are 5 birds on a fence & you shoot 1, how many are left?"
Billy "None, the others would fly away ." 
Teacher "The answer is 4 but I like the way you think."
Billy "I have a question for you Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones, 1 licking, 1 biting, & 1 sucking. Which one is married?"
Teacher nervously answers "The one sucking."
Billy "The answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think!"

Dictionary For Womens Personal Ad-

40ish ..................... 49
Adventurous ............... Slept with all your mates
Athletic .................. No Tits
Average looking ........... Has a face like an arse
... Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
Educated .................. Fucked to death at college
Emotionally secure ........ On medication
Feminist .................. Fat
Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
Fun ....................... Annoying
Gentle .................... Dull
Good listener ............. Autistic
New Age ................... Body hair problems
Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
Open minded ............... Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassin
Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
Poet ...................... Depressive
Professional .............. Bitch
Romantic .................. Frigid
Social .................... Fanny like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ................ Very fat
Large lady ................ Hugely Fat
Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
Widow ..................... Murderer

Little girl asks her mum "Mum, what's a cock?" . . mum thinks a minute and replies "it's the dangly thing that hangs between his legs" little girl nods then asks "so what's a cunt?" without hesitation mum replies "that's the rest of him sweetie"

Pancake day at fucking last. It's been worse than Christmas and Easter together.

.

.

.

.

The shops have had eggs, flour and milk on the shelves for fucking months now.

I asked the wife to try anal last night . . 

She replied "Fuck that shit!"  . .

"That's the spirit girl" I said

i'm back :D. . . . . "Ohhh fuck" i hear you say.

my pc had a bit f a nervous breakdown, which is of little wonder with the crap that i type into it. Nevertheless, we are back. The posting of pointless shit and cynicism will resume shortly.

Impossibilities in the world -

1. You can't count your hair. 

2. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 

 3. you can't breathe when your tongue is sticking out

- put your tongue back in u daft cunt

- No matter how many times theres always one!!!

i had a heart once, but someone stole it. They never took very good care of it and when i got it back, it was all broken.

i have a harder one now and i'm not letting anyone play with this one!

A bloke takes his new girlfriend home to meet his parents but he tells her "I must warn you that they are both deaf & dumb"
They get to the house & walk into the living room, Only to see that his mum has got a beer bottle wedged up her fanny & the dad is sittin there with his nuts hanging out with a matchstick propping one eye open. ..
The shocked girlfriend says " what the fuck is this all about ?" 
He replies " Oh don't worry about that ...it is sign language, 
My mum is saying get the beers in you cunt & my dad is sayin bollocks I'm watchin the match

Don't you just hate it, when you look down after sex and there's a soggy, used condom hanging off your cock? . . . . Especially if you haven't used one ;)

i've lost my virginity!!!!!!!!!! . . . . .but i still have the box it came in ;)

Don't you just hate it, when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick your cigarette out the window, and you drive for a couple more miles, and you smell something funny, and you look over into the back seat, and sure enough. . . . .  Grandma's fingering herself again!

To understand a woman, you need to get inside her head, not between her legs!

To understand a man, you need to . . . . Forget it, just give him a blowjob ;)

i'm in the process of wiping clean all my profiles, all over the net, as i don't feel that i belong in this world any more. i will however still keep the profiles so that i can stay in touch with some of the wonderful friends that i have made.

i wish you all good luck in your searches.

jozz

As per usual, life has kinda blind sided me for a while. i Will however, still be at the London fetish Fair this month, on the TrussedUK stall, as per usual. Stop by and say hi :)

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

It's that time of the month again. . . . http://www.londonfetishfair.co.uk/index.php/homepage/news-letters/archive/view/listid-1-mailing_list/mailid-11-london-fetish-fair-sunday-dec11th-gift-roped-and-candy-caned2

 . . . . who's coming? You can find me on the www.TrussedUK.com stall. Come and say hi. See you all there :)

What's the difference between medium and rare? . . . . . . . 

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare ;)

Told you i was ill!!!!!

Pneumonia. . .4 hours in resus, then 4 days IV antibiotics (straight into the jugular! Seriously)

Still, i'm alive and kicking, well, not so much kicking as shuffling, but i'm back home :)

Get your loved ones something different this year. . . . . . 

www.venusflytrapjewels.co.uk

Struggling big time. . . . my lungs hurt :(

Off work. . Can't walk. . . can hardly breathe :(

i don't care if it's hypocritical of me, but i'm not interested in bi men!

The Jeremy Kyle Christmas song:

12 cans of carling.. 11 DNA tests.. 10 dads to choose from.. 9 teeth between them.. 8 squeezed in tracksuits.. 7 stinking smackheads.. 6 dunlop trainers.. 5 STOLEN RINGS... 4 fat slags.. 3 ugly twats.. 2 timing runts ... And a wanker who parades them on t.v!

Every bloke, thinks every girls dream, is to find the perfect bloke!. . . .Pfffffft! Every girls dream, is to eat without getting fat!

Ooooops! May have got a tad carried away with the scissors this month!

Blank profiles . . . . Why?

Apologies to those i insulted whilst ever so slightly drunk last night . . . . . unless of course, you thoroughly deserved it for being a cunt :D

Two fleas on a cunt, one is a junkie, one is a mugger! How do you tell them apart?  . . . The junkie is sniffing the crack and the mugger is hiding in the bush

Time i laid these tired bones down. Got a long day at the London Fetish Fair tomorrow . . .Stop by the trusseduk stall and say hi :)

Oh well, suppose i'd better get my arse back to work, make sure the minions have been coping in my absence. After all, i have had a whole 2 hours off since 8.30am!!!

Do not be shy . . . be proud of yourself. . . offer me your holes with abandon . . .raise up your arse for me to see . . . and let me take you roughly . . . *sighs deeply* one day!

I'm mentally celibate. . . . . .  . . . . . . . . 

i don't give a FUCK what you think! ;)

Good news for insomniacs. . . . . only 4 sleeps til xmas ;)

30 hours in 3 days. i need a proper day off, one where i don't have to do ANYTHING for ANYONE, except me!

Sometimes, there comes a point in your life, when being nice and reasonable, just doesn't work and you have to show your nasty side.

i'm not a nasty person, but . . . . . i'm going to be one horrible fucking cunt this weekend!

i do believe, there is every possibility, that i may develop a hangover as i sober up! Gonna be one long arsed day!

Tired . . tired of fighting. . . tired of smiling . . . . tired of working . . . . i'm tired!

Long arse day at work again today, but, got the night off!!! Can't remember the last time i had a saturday night off work :) Happy Days!

For the oldies amongst you . . 70% of Sham69 + 30% of The Jam = New band 'IF'. That's where i'll be tonight, enjoying the gig, but also on duty for the club (yeah yeah, sort of night off lol) Got some proper old 'faces' gonna be there too. Mad Frankie Frasier mixing with the footie celebs. Gonna be a cracker!

Have a great weekend everyone. i'm going to :D

Right, back to work i go, no rest for the wicked. i bloody hate karaoke night :(

             HEDONISM RULES!

Why is it, that i only seem to crave what i know i can't have?

So many men. . . .such a dearth of humour!

i'm a grandma!!! my wonderful eldest daughter gave birth to a whopping 8lb 15oz baby girl on sunday morning. She's beautiful and i am totally smitten with her :D

It's that time of the month again . . . yep. . . London Fetish Fair time :D

How do i manage to always get into trouble? i really must learn to think before i open my mouth. Humour is not always appropriate or welcomed :(

i am the snot monster extraordinaire!

i have +30 powers of destruction and power to make you feel like shite abilities!

i appear to have a hangover . . . . now how the hell did that happen?!

UPDATE: i do Not have a hangover, seems i have food poisoning and it's seriously not funny! :(

2 whole(ish) days off!!!!!!!!!!! What shall i do with myself (rhetorical question), i think sleep is top of the agenda!

Back to work in 7 hours, best i got some sleep. . . . Damn, but i'm looking forward to a day off!

Bathed and blow dried. Just a smidgen of mascara, to bring out my eyes. The most subtle of sparkly bits, well, it is friday night. 

Right, i'm ready for work and the horrors of friday night karaoke!

Why do people say 'grow some balls'? 

 Balls are weak & sensitive, if you wanna get tough, grow a vagina.

 Those things take a pounding.

i can highly recommend checking EXACTLY where you put the red hot hair straighteners BEFORE sitting down!

i'm devestated. i found my cat drowned in the washing machine, but. . . .at least it died in Comfort ;)

The game i've been waiting for since the fixture list came out. . . . . . 

Millwall vs Vermin . . . .Let's 'Ave It!

Birthday celebrations continue today at the London Fatish Fair. Be sure to come by the trusseduk stall, say hi and have some cake :)

Let the birthday celebrations begin . . . . . . . . 

Woohoo! i got a job. . . only part time, but it's a start! :D Happy Days :D

It's saturday in Cold Blow Lane, we've all come down to cheer,

We've had our jellied eels and our glass of beer. . . . .  

It's football day! Wooohoooooo!

Getting ready to go to the BBB. . . . can't wait to put names to faces at long last :D

Ahh friday, we meet again. i'm tired of all the other days, i think it's time we became exclusive ;)

The only way to accept an insult, is to ignore it. If you can't ignore it, top it. If you can't top it, laugh. If you can't laugh . . . You deserved it! ;)

Someone told me the other day, that i'm needy. . . yeah, you know who you are, Bastard!

Now, i disagree with this. i think my trouble is i'm not needy enough. i don't do the whole "he's not phoned me". . . phone him every two minutes routine. Yeah, i need regular contact, but i don't expect or want you checking up on me all the time. For example, why on earth do you want a daily journal ffs? My life ain't that interesting and anything you need to know, you could always just ask! It's called conversation.

You doms have far too fragile ego's. You need to be needed. i don't mind falling at your feet (metaphorically) and giving you my undivided attention, when we're together, but every minute of the day? get real . . . Rant over!

Bastard, you always get in my head. Bloody good to see you back though lol

A chalazion, also known as a meibomian cyst, is a common condition affecting the eyelid. The cyst (fluid-filled swelling) is usually felt as a small lump. Occasionally, it can become infected. It is caused by blockage of a gland in the eyelid. If it is causing problems and does not settle on its own, it can be removed with a small operation.

Woke up to find i have another one of these. i'm not impressed! Only had two cut out a coupla months ago :(

There are some people, just a few mind you, that are absolutely guaranteed to put a huge smile on my face :D . . . . . . . As for the rest, well, living proof of what happens when a brother and sister have babies together ;)

Who wants to give me a whip making tutorial?

By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand . . . . . . . Go on, go and try it!

RIP Broken Britain.. You went soft on discipline!.. You went soft on immigration!You went soft on crime.. Parents were told.. 'No you can't smack the kids'....Teachers were prevented from chastising kids in schools.. The police couldn't clip a troublemaker round the ear.. Kids had rights blah blah blah.. Well done Britain..You shall reap what you sow.. We have lost a whole generation. 

You know things are bad, when Millwall are maintaining Law and Order. . . . . .

No-one loots us, no-one loots us, no-one loots us. We don't care, we are Millwall

SEND THE ARMY IN!

This is outrageous. Sheer thug mentality. Water canons, take them all out!

I Will Survive (new version)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified! When you said you had 10 inches, Lord i almost died! But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, that i grew strong and knew that I could take you on... But there you are, another lie, I was ready for a Big Mac and you brought me a French Fry! I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream! Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in your jeans! Go on now-Go, walk out the door, don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4! Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't find you out? Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count? I will survive! I will survive! As long as I have batteries, my sex life's going to thrive! I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive, hey hey! 

Just my own personal taste but . . . those with face shots. A smile is so much more appealing than the 'mean and moody' look

my thoughts today are with all the friends and families of those that lost their lives and those that were injured in the horrific 7/7 London bombings at the hands of cowardly terrorist scum. R.I.P. . . . To the survivors and families, i hope you find some peace.

First meet - Public place. Not straight to their home. Safe calls in place. Right?

Would you trust someone who called you paranoid and untrusting for saying you wanted these standard procedure safety rules in place or would you, like me, think they had a hidden agenda?

He seemed to think that we were friends, because we'd exchanged several emails. He never verified his phone number, although i did by sending a text to the number given.

Being over cautious? No, i don't think i am!

Laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out. . . . 

I am seeking women that believe in Male Supremacy.  If you believe in your own servile and inferior nature, message Me, and address Me as Sir.

29 years old, awww bless. . . . . still laughing.

Sunday 10th July 2011

Come and check us out at the London Fetish Fair

http://trusseduk.com/viper_challenge.html

All your fetish requirements catered for, plus you get my wonderful company! What more could you ask for? Come along and join in the fun. Meet like minded people, do some shopping, socialise and stay for the after party.

See you there, be sure to come and say hi :)

Do all 'dominants' launch straight into sex talk after the second or third email?

How much time do you spend getting to know someone before meeting them?

What are warning signals for you that they are just after kinky sex?

What are the signs that someone is domineering rather than a Dominant?

Yes, sex to me within a relationship is important, but No, it's not the be all and end all of it! So many seem to think they can control through sex. . . "I have a very high sex drive" . . .seems to be a prevalent comment on many profiles. 

Am i just on the wrong site or am i just attracting the type of person?

Just been reading some of my old journal entries. . . . . Damn, i'm funny sometimes :) 

An afternoon in the sunshine at Peckham, watching the ladies of the Gaelic Football team play, what promises to be, a very lively game :)

Then over to East London to watch the David Haye fight with friends. Excellent! :)

i'm easily pleased lol

Oh My! . . .i have just seen the most disgusting 'cock shot' ever!. . . . i'm sure they're not supposed to look like that!

Rough day . . . . Not about tonight! Lots of cuddles needed. . . . . i'll catch up tomorrow

The sun is shining, the skies are blue. Despite a light breeze, there is a heat haze already hovering over London.

my spirits should be lifted, instead my heart is heavy, as i prepare to take a vulnerable young adult to do their video interview. i wont be allowed to watch or listen, to hear of the abuse that happened between the ages of 3 and 5. i'm there for support and to pick up the pieces afterwards.

*sighs* It's going to be a long and traumatic day.

The good thing about walking in the warm summer rain is . . . . . no-one sees your silent tears.

The bad thing about walking in the warm summer rain is. . . . . no-one sees your silent tears . . 

and you slip off your bloody flip flops :(

Thank you, thank you, thank you. . . . . . 

To all the "kneel bitch" brigade, along with the "call me sir" lot and not forgetting the "you'll be treated like the piece of meat you are" ones, for making me laugh so hard this morning, that a little bit of wee came out!

Hilariously funny, brilliant start to the day! Once again. . . . Thank you all :)

It's NOT a pussy! It does not have four legs and a tail. . . It's a cunt!

Can anyone tell me, which bit of my profile is screaming . . . . . 

i want cheap meaningless kinky sex

because i really need to address that issue now, before i explode all over the next looming troll!

On Offer Today . . . . . 

I want to be collared!

I want to keep it all to just the bedroom!

I wont let you do *. . . . . (insert word of choice) to me!

I wont call you Sir in public!

Such demanding subbies everywhere!

Instead of demanding what you want, how about saying what you have to offer? Now, i'm not directing this at anyone in particular, just the musings of a middle aged sub. i've been guilty of doing the same myself, but it's not very appealing, is it? Besides which, after agreeing your hard limits, you have no other choices really lol.

i'm by no means encouraging anyone to be a doormat, unless of course, that's a particular fetish of yours, then by all means, go for it! Have a lively mind, be able to converse on more than one subject, always be yourself, trust me, you'll be a lot more comfortable that way . . . well, unless you're a bit of a knobhead, then feel free to be someone else, but Don't act the pratt in public. Don't be disrespectful. S/He picked you for a reason, honour that by showing them they made the right choice!

i have decided, that, all things considered. i really can't be arsed with any of this at the moment!

Not been online much lately, but by god i've been having some fun! ;)

Woohoo, friday night and i have two here for company. . . .well, i say two, but i've nearly finished the first bottle lol

Still stressed out. Still run ragged. Still single!. . . . . Hmmmmmm, wonder if there's a connection there?

What a deliciously deviant weekend. . . *smiles contentedly and wanders off. . . . . . . . 

Deviants Picnic.

Crystal Palace Park, at The Bell, which is clearly marked on all park maps. Nearest train station is East Penge or Thicket Road if you need carparking space. We'll have a big bunch of black balloons, so we're easily spotted. Saturday 28th May from 11am.

An informal gathering of like minded people, enjoying the English summer, while it lasts. There will be a BBQ, feel free to bring along food and drinks. Easy access by public transport and ample parking space. We'll be easy to find, just follow the laughter.

Everyone welcome, don't be shy, pop along and say hi.

jozz

p.s. This is not a regular event (yet) just a chance to get out and meet some new people in a friendly atmosphere. Don't like the look of us, just keep walking lol, we don't bite . . . unless you ask us nicely ;) Hope to see you there

Dad back in hospital. . .pnuemonia :(

i'll catch up with mail as soon as i can

Thursday, an unplanned day off. My son, bless his heart, took over duties at my parents for the day for me. . . i really didn't fancy going up the ladder decorating and varnishing the outside window ledges anyway lol.

Soooo, what to do? i'm always a bit at a loss when i don't have any structure to my day, but. . . . riding into view on a 3 wheeled charger, a knight in shining humour! i spent the whole day on line, being a brat. . .errr. . i mean myself *grins* my face is still aching from laughing so much, bit of a stiff neck from headbanging all night too lol. So, thank you birthday boy, i had a blast, you brightened what would have been an otherwise very dull day.

The weekend? Well, for those of you that know me, it goes without saying, Leeds at home! Will i be going? Of course i bloody well will, had my ticket for ages, long before they sold out and sunday, well, it's the second sunday of the month, so i will be at the LFF, giving a hand on one of the stalls. . . if you can spot me, come and say 'hi' and have a look at all the handmade wonderful equipment on sale.

Have a great weekend everyone, i fully intend to.

jozz

(still grinning like a loon)

Decisions, decisions!

Do i treat myself, have a day off, soak my already aching muscles and have a lazy day  . . . or, do i push myself a bit harder and go do a good deed and sort the pensioners garden out for him?

Hmmmmmmmm

Mental, mental weekend! Trip to Hull with the Millwall B..A.S.T.A.R.D's (bridge appreciation society tourists area rotherhithe & deptford) lol was brillaint, so much laughter and naughtiness, shame i got kicked out at half time !! Then on to a 50th birthday party, where much more fun and misbehaviour (on my part) was had, before going home for Mother's day . . . shattered but happy :)

Not happy about breaking my phone though :((

Another flying visit today, but managed to get all my mail sorted, woohoo!

When does life start slowing down a bit? Anyone know?

Today, i will mainly be. . . .at Colchester Hospital. Baby Fred's first photo shoot (first scan today, i get to meet my grandchild :D)

Another brilliant weekend. No, we didn't win (only remembered the score yesterday lol) but what a brilliant day out!

WOW! What a day! my youngest daughter did her first catwalk show as a model and this afternoon, got a call from my eldest telling me that i'm going to be a grandma, just in time for my birthday this year! Woohoo!

Well, it's been a while since i updated my journal. 

Life in jozlworld is just as hectic as ever. Life, Death and Football, same as ever lol

Still looking (though not too hard) for a r/t dom, who has the power to make me go weak at the knees with a single look, but doesn't feel the need to beat the living crap out of me to get the sub 'he wants'!!!

Busy, busy 24 hours ahead of me!

Crewing at the dungeon tonight (can't wait to see Peter Pan and Wendy) then, straight from there to the LLG for a press conference, then off to The New Den to see the Mighty Lions stuff the nigels! What a way to see the New Year in!

Happy New Year everyone. i hope it brings you peace in your life.

jozz x

Yes, i'm a sub.

No! i am not your sub to order around and give instructions to!

Sheeeesh, you lot really need to sort yourselves out. That ain't the way this works!

Wishing all my friends on here Health & Happiness for the New Year.

Be well people and remember, Don't let the bastards grind you down!

Woohoo! Child free for the whole night. i do believe i shall treat myself to a bottle of wine and a very hot bubble bath mmmmm

Starting your first ever message to me "hi bitch" Will get my attention but will Not get a positive reaction!

FFS grow up and show some bloody respect. This is not a game for me!

Ooooops! Scared another one off!

Seems to be coming a bit of a habit lol.

That was fun ! :D

Today, i will mostly be . . . . . Out to lunch :)

Long and eventful weekend. Tired and ache . . . but happy. Looking forward to tomorrow now :)

Woohoo! No more hospital appointments for the oldies now until the new year.

Not been the easiest of weeks, but whenever is it? lol. Still, got the dungeon to look forward to tomorrow night, so some pain should help ease the tension i've been feeling. Happy Daze lol ;)

i may not be the most beautiful or have the sexiest body. i may not be your first choice but i am a great choice. i don't pretend to be someone i'm not, because i'm good at being me!

i'm not proud of some of my past decisions but i am proud of who i am today. Take me as i am . . . or watch me walk away.

i have been reliably(?) informed, that speed bumps are pregnant potholes! Thanks bb x

Today's Thought . . . If there is enough tarmac to build speed humps, why isn't there enough to fill in the potholes?

Bugger, bugger, bugger!  . . No, not a request, well . . maybe ;) But not in this context, so Bugger!

SSC . .Safe, Sane, Consensual.

A lot of what we do can hardly be considered safe or sane, even if it is consensual lol

When is someone gonna take me away from this life of servitude and give me the life of . . err . . . well . . servitude And pain  . . . ohhh sod it! i give up.

i am in the process of trying to delete all 'incriminating' evidence from the laptop, before handing it over to the boy child. This could take some time lol

A kiss and a grope with Millwall's legendary hard man Terry Thurlock, dunno who was more drunk, me or him! lol

Large whiskies followed by home made sangria. . . . damn but my head hurts today. Bloody good day out though, despite the result.

Busy busy busy (again). Off down the mountain to the oldies, pick up the invalid for the footie, then partying with the Millwall girlies after the game. Should be back sometime in the wee small hours.

Back in my own home. Mum back where she belongs, by my Dad's side. The Golden Duo (50+ years together) best comedy double act in town,
 are back doing what they do best, loving each other and making us all laugh.

Day off from the invalids for me today, so i'm off to see my son and the latest addition to his little family . . . they've got a kitten lol. Seems littlun ain't that impressed and keeps throwing the poor little mite across the room. Think she needs a nanny jozz 'stern face' quickly followed by a cuddle of course :)

Should be a quick journey today as well, these gale force winds should blow me there in no time.

i hope everyone is taking time out for 2 minutes silence at the 11th hour . . . 

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old,

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

With maximum respect to all our armed forces. Past, present and future.

Well, it turns out that only one of them was hospitalised, though for a while there (8.30am) it did look like it was gonna be both of them.

Mum's still in having tests, Dad's ok, but obviously worried, i've moved in to look after him and. . . . and. . . . .well . . . we'll see what happens tomorrow!

Offline now til the morrow. Woohoo! Pay day :)

Another brilliant weekend! Starting with friday night at The Royal Festival Hall, some very good friends (and one new one) to watch Christy Moore. We sang lots and laughed a lot. Walked home barefoot in the rain (bloody high heels were killing me lol).

Yesterday was a Millwall day out in Doncaster. Lionesses on tour! Again, much hilarity involving the licking of windows, random strangers, cling film and rival fans. You had to be there. Unfortunately the evidence of some of these acts (mainly involving me) are popping up all over facebook this morning (oooops)

Off down the mountain now to do my daughterly duties. Hopefully fully back online on tuesday. 

Hope your weekend was even half as much fun as mine was :)

i am in the process of ripping some 600 music cd's to my pc. Didn't realise just how many i had accumulated, been fun re-acquainting myself with some of the older stuff though :)

i've been up all night, doubled up in pain. i am Not a happy bunny *pouts, winces and limps off to bed*

Still having mail problems. Having to delete them al individually, NOT impressed :( Grrrrrrrr collarme, sort it out ffs!

Today is the 75th birthday of the most important man in my life. 

Happy Birthday Daddy, i love you all the world and sixpence. You never fail to make me smile or laugh. You have always been there, through good times and bad and are Never displeased to see me on your doorstep. You have helped shape me into the person i am today. :)

People who send you circle of friends requests, without ever having spoken a word to you before, what's that all about? Just trying to make yourselves look popular?

Well, sleep eluded me yet again last night.

There are so many lost and desperately alone people looking for some form of interaction, from light hearted banter, to a stranger to confide their inner most fears to, on the internet at stupid o'clock in the morning.

The world can be a very scary and lonely place in the dead of night, when all you have for company, is the inside of your own head.