Emmaculate

Once again I have let myself get hurt.

Won't be making that mistake again.

Sir is a way on holiday just now and I am missing him loads. More than I thought I would.

Anyway we have been doing some anal training recently so he can use me anally. So I have been using a dildo. Now I am to continue with this whilst he is away and having done it for the first time today, it is so much harder when he is not there encouraging me and making me feel better. I did do it though and hopefully it will get easier.

So discovered last night that I really enjoy anal. Sir wants me to stretch my bottom for him and so last night made me use taking my plug in and out. (Big plug that I have not really used) Well I as incredibly wet and really needed to cum by the time we were done. So I have  learnt something  new about my self!

Well Sir decided to make things a little difficult for me today. I was travelling on the train and I was told that I had to go in to the toilet, pull my skirt and top up. I was then to cum in the toliet. Now this seems like a simple thing to do, but i found it very difficult. I was so scare and really did not want to do it, but I thought I better not question Sir. It seemed to take forever when in reality it was probably only about 5 minutes, the worst thing was that there was someone waiting to go in after me. I felt like I went bright red and just hurried away. Anyway I have done it and although it was not a great orgasm I am happy I did it and am proud of meyself.

So Sir has been away for the last few days, I missed him a lot more than I thought I would. It is funny how you don't realise how much you need someone/something until it is gone. Anyway he is back now so hopefully I will get a chance to speak to him soon.

I am glad to say that I managed to complete my period of orgasm denial. I would not see it was easy and Sir made sure of that by teasing me. I am not very good at denial but I have done it.  I am very happy and proud of myself that I have managed to do it and made my master happy. I feel next time it will be easier and as much I have hated it the rewards at the end was worth it.

So It has been nearly 2 days since I last had an orgasm. From a girl the has one nearly everyday, I can feel the frustration start to build. Added my stressful day the frustration is even greater. It will be a struggle to make it until Thursday night but at the end of the day I will do it because it pleases Sir.

So after tonight I am not allowed to cum until Thursday. This is the longest that I have been denied. I know I can manage a few days but not being allowed to orgasm is something I find hard and can struggle with.

I get frustrated very easily and then I can get moody, which is not helpful. However, I suppose if  I am aware of that I can try make sure I don't get too moody and just focus on pleasing my master.

I have been thinking back to the first time Sir and I met. Meeting him for the first time was one of the scariest things I have ever done. I remember sitting on the train and I was petrified. It was because I did not know what to expect.

When I finally stepped of the train and seen him, I had to do everything I could to stop myself from shaking. I did not speak much the whole way to his I was just that scared.

When we finally got to his, I started to relax; He had me undress, and then pulled me close to him. I was sitting at his feet and he just held me for a while. It made me feel instantly at ease.

Anyway, after that he tied my wrists together and pulled my hands above my head. This was the first time that I had ever been tied up and I was nervous about it but I instantly loved it. So I was standing naked in front of him, by this point I was loved it. He then started roaming his hands over my body, feeling everything, inspecting it closely. He was testing my reactions; I had so many thoughts flying through my head. Overall, I was loving it.

Many things happened that weekend. I was used a lot and I enjoyed that. Although, there were a few things that I did not enjoy as much. One of those things was being made to lie across his lap, while he used my back to rest my laptop. I felt like an object and felt ignored. Two things I am not keen on. Apart from that, I loved everything else, even the simple things like Sir putting me in the bath and washing me.

So I am not really sure what to write in here yet, but I am sure I will get there. I am currently in a relationship, and I am very happy with him.

I feel as a slave I have progressed a lot in the time that we have been together. The control over me has been built up slowly.  There are many aspects of my life which he controls including often the clothes I wear, I do not wear any underwear as that is what he wants. At the start I struggled with that whereas now I hardly think about it. There are other ways he has control over me such as the control of my orgasms.

Sometimes he asks things of me that take me by surprise, and I don't know how to react. I normally ask the reasons behind those decisions and just accept them after that. Sometimes I think it is just hard for me to give up that little bit more control. But I will get there.

Anyway, I feel I have come a long way it has been mainly positive but there have been a few times (near the start) when I was unsure of what I was doing. I now enjoy everything that we do. I especially love to be bound; I just love the feeling of helplessness.

Well I am away for now, but I will update this journal regularly.