Vertical Line


currently under construction and revamping.... physically, mentally, emotionally and spritually see myspace emmiss_rn

"Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future."

 Swami Sivananda

Sometimes what a person really wants isn't what they get.  I have learned that tonight it is even better.  Happy Bday to me!  21 with 13 years experience...
Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.  I am in the process of one of the most painful yet cleansing phases of my life.  So many behaviors I have finally recognized and taken responsibility for, have been the catalyst to keeping me humble and thankful.  Who knows what one's potential is, or what it takes to get to the edge ready to jump.  Keeping myself open to all possibilities anything can happen with just one push
Now some wanna be Doms are 6 inch pencil (coughs) that just know how to piss a good girl like me off, as that doesn't happen very often.  Now I like to be called names like the next girl and smile, but not on the first chat, in the first two minutes.  Yes i can be a whore (even a dirty b*tch) to the right Dom, but not to a fake who is "a dirty piece of shit suck pig".  as he deemed himself many times.  I do love an a**hole that can be honest about himself, that was his one good quality. Wipes his filth of her hands and smiles as she puts her lotion on...NEXT
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.    
Over the passed few weeks I have had to face giving up everything I thought was dear to me because of lies, deceit, and false hope on both sides.  Denial is a crazy thing.  It is frightening to give up what I have been used to for 13 years to jump blindly into the unknown.  So with a little push....into the dark or is it into the light lol
funny how minutes slip into hours, then days are gone.  Time goes bye so fast yet a second looking into the right person's eyes seems eternity
"Affirmation without discipline is the beginning of delusion." -- Jim Rohn

I have come to believe that I need the guidance from One and to know that what I am doing is either right or wrong.  By my submission I give Him the authority he needs to develop and cultivate me.  Without putting myself in a place of humility and practice what I preach, it is just a statement without sincerity. 

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." -- Maryilyn vos Savan

Nobody's perfect least of all me.  My life shapes itself around the good times as well as bad times.  The little idiosyncrasies in my life define who I am whether they are mine or someone else's.  I tend to be a visual person and need a guiding hand or a GIANT shove.  I realize that I am and have been powerless over people's emotions and actions.  I can only have control over myself and decide how I am going to react. 

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.....CarlJung

Uncertainty has encompassed my life caused by my my insecurities and distrust.  One who was kind to me and showed me the affection that I craved and needed, I tried to push away without realizing.  I projected the hurt and pain that had penetrated my heart and soul, when it had nothing to do with Him.  I pulled the emergency brake causing all to come to a screeching halt, when that was not necessarily my intention.  He brought excitement to my life, I looked forward to seeing Him and talking to Him.  I am saddened and ashamed for falling back into old habits and  and communicating to Him while I was under duress.   All he wanted to do was help me feel like the woman I want to become.  The excitement that he had shown to me has died down and  I hope it isn't too late to explain to Him, I want to still be his pet and I was ready to break the ice.  it just brought up old wounds even though there was reassurance in His words.  I trust You Sir, I want what You have to offer me, I need what You have to offer me, and I am sorry that I told You otherwise.  May we continue the journey that we started?  A little faster than STOP...?


All hope of rekindling a fire?I thought was keeping me warm for 12 years finally died in my heart.? It is hard not to want to reach out and grasp?that ?light that has shown me kindness and affection.?

So, ok, I will try to not to appear too needy and desperate while I am full of insecurities I am trying to break free from.? I haven't dated in over 12 years and I just don't know how to act around men, especially Dominant men.? It's not that I I am needy it's just cool to know what is going on and have someone understand that I do not have too much trust for the opposite sex.
Trust is such a delicate thing.  One person can destroy it for everyone

The light is a little brighter

Just when I have been given the fire to clear away the darkness, the glow starts to fade.  I am left in the murky shadows  trying to salvage the embers for some kind of spark in my life.                  

Not knowing how to act, what to do, what not to do and wondering if I am truly worth it....

Compassionate brown eyes penetrating mine, mutual hunger the catalyst to passion requited,  virile hands caressing me, tender lips fiery upon my flesh, sensual voice whispering “My pet”, anticipation my design, impatience my burden, submission my gift to You. Image

how can someone be surrounded by so many people and still feel so utterly alone in this world

my heart aches again with the need to be who i am meant to be and to have some one whisper n my ear how much they need me to please them...remind me of hwo i am sweet Sir and I would do just about anything for You

Bright excited eyes, soft warm smile, calm yet powerful voice commanding....I have been packing my luggage for 33 years to undertake this journey and my feet have finally left my familiar surroundings taking me to new exotic I really have the courage, am I brave enough....time will tell

I can't believe how fast time goes by.  It seems like every day adds up to a week, monthe, year.  I feel like I am getting youger day by day as I find out more and more about myself.  But in all actuality my mortality ismacks me in the face with all the deaths I deal with on a daily basis and my kids getting older day by day.  I will try to keep the "child inside" alive and not let the progression of time get me down.
Today again has been a great day.  I think I am on cloud 9 still, which I know will surely end.  My life seems to be on an upswing and I am making more friends than I know what to do with.  I have been learning interesting things and I am excited to see what the future, especially the NEAR future has to hold for me....
Yes, life is good.  To feel like a woman again, and venture into the real life of being submissive, to shed my online only status finally live, yes life is good