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emmaagirl

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emmaagirl - photo 2
emmaagirl - photo 3
emmaagirl - photo 4

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Friends:
TrapperKeeperSissyfor2MasterNslave30

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I'm emma. I am owned by my Master, who I will refer to as D. I am now living in California, with D to practice a 24/7 TPE relationship. My profile may be closed soon, D is still deciding on what to do, but for now, I'm only here looking for friends. I'm looking for friends that are online, RT, in a relationship or single. So, in other word anyone! I'm very passionate about true BDSM and SSC. Please take a look at my journals and my likes and interests, thank Yyou!

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10/14/2014 1:42:26 PM
I will probably never trust another "Dominant" besides my Master again. 

My heart is broken and I feel violated and ashamed.

It really hurts when your hopes get up so high and then they come crashing down. 

I hope the game was fun to you.

9/16/2014 3:33:40 PM
I realize, now, how important Journaling is. I went back and read some of them. I laughed at my horride spelling and the grim chance that it will ever get better. I smiled at the first posts about my Master... etc. Sometimes what is on your mind or bothering you isn't always something that should be brought up to a slave Master directly. After all, it is His rules that I struggle with. As well as, starting to miss Michigan a bit. I don't want to make Him feel like I don't LOVES California. The Truth is, I LOVES California and i wish that we coule stay here forever. Its just that, Michigan has been my little cage. My little box that I thought I fit okay in. Sometimes when I'm driving around in CA I get so sad that I don't know where anything is. I get frustrated with the traffic and the scary U-Turns. It has gotten better, truthfully. But still I am sometimes overwhelmed. His rules are fair and practical. He doesn't like to make rules for the sake of having rules. Maste and i have been trying to lose weight. At this current time, it's my biggest struggle. Especially being out of the house and watching my nanny child eat something delicious, not even that bad for you, yet I can't have it. I am not seeing great results and it is very frustrating. Every day I struggle with this. It makes me feel like a bad slave. It makes me feel like I am never going to be fit and sexy for Him. Lastly, attention. I am hard hard hard on myself about this in the after thought. You know what I mean. When you want something so bad. When you get angry about "it" in the moment, but when you think about "it" you are upset at YOU. You are angry about the behavior, your feelings, etc. "I am a slave, dammit! I can't act like this", I'd say. Normally too late. Normally too much unpleasant behavior. *sighs* So, I don't like to leave journAL posts on a negative Nancy note, so.... Here's to not being an annoying attention whore. Here's to learning more about my new environment and here is too trying this diet thing a few more hundred times. Here is to the punishments along the way and the sweet words, "I'm proud of you." Here is to every slave that works hard. I have always like the expression potter and clay. Think about it. ;) Sunshine Rays to Yyou, -His clay

7/11/2014 7:57:31 PM
It has been brought to my attention that I havent posted in my journal in awhile. So I thought I would catch Yyou all up with what has been happening. Just over a month ago, I became Masters full time TPE slave. I became responsible for the chores of the house and also most of the cooking and small errands running. I am a rather humble girl, but I would say that I am pretty good at household slave duties. I make goals for myself. For example, I want to pay close attention to the sound that his soda can makes as he puts it down. Is it empty, close, shall I fetch Him another? One thing that I struggle with and im not very surprised is with is attention. I struggle with remembering that an Owner does not alway have their concentration on their property. I love being His property and desire nothing more then to be treated as such. I have received my share of punishments. The most memorable is my floor punishment. We have agreed previously that sleeping next to Master is a privilege and can and would be taken away if needed. I slept on the floor and was put back in my place. I did not take it very graciously. At the time, I failed to see that my Master was sweetly correcting and showing me what He expects. Im not close to perfect, which is indeed the goal, but I'm working hard everyday. Until next time, sweetly broken -emma :)

5/18/2014 10:07:52 PM
What a weekend. What a weekend full of learning, laughing, crying, relaxing, working, and of course sex. Now, I know there are a lot of Yyou would like to know about the sex. I think that Yyou and i both know that sex is amazing and the fact that now i have a Master to give me the type of sex Wwe both crave is even better. There is much to say about my "readiness" for it, however. I was surprised and so was Master. Learning. I learned so much. Again, I learned a lot about my body. I learned a lot about Masters body. But more then that I learned how to please Him nonsexually. I learned how to please Him by making His coffee, and omelet in the morning. I learned how He like me to be presenting myself to Him, I learned about His life, His tastes in food and shopping. I learned about being alone, I learned about greeting Him when He comes Home. (Which, by the way, seeing Him smile and pet me when He walked through the door made being alone worth it.) Relaxing. Saturday early evening I think I had the most normalcy. I had moved my cushion... its more like a bean bag chair... super comfy! Anyways, Master was busy with His program stuff, the house was clean, His coffee was made and He told me it was okay to have time to myself. I was just close to Him, listening to my music softly and His typing. Often I looked up at Him and smiled at His amazingness. Thinking of how lucky and how much I just want to please Him and Him alone. I was thinking that He is teaching ne and showing me that a slave doesnt mran always moving and always busy doing something, rather a slave is pleasing when she is relaxing after her work is done, but always ready to please her Master. He gave me several reassuring glances and smiles that melted my sweet slave soul each time. He says He worried that ill get bored... I think that ill never get bored, all I need is my cushion, a blanket and my cuffs and my little fidgety hands will be busy for an hour. He also is a rad worried about my neediness for attention. While its true, I love attention, the smallest nod, pet, glance of approval fills my cup to overflowing. I crave to be pleasing first and foremost, my little attention whore self can wait for Him. Even if it takes a few weeks and punishments to be successful in that. Crying. It isn't really to much of a secret that I am a pretty emotional girl. I am rather sentimental and believe very much in the spirit and tradition of things. Sure during my spanking, slapping and maybe during my initial stripping a few small tears were shed. The most, however, was when my collar and cuffs were removed for the last time until Wwe meet again. I am thankful that He did not really tell me He was taking it off. My leash (a heavy chained looking dig leash) had been attached all day long. I thought that He was going to remove just that. But, nope, not the case. He slipped His hand in between my collar and my neck. Now, all weekend long He had taken off my collar and leash, each time there was a small tiny whimper. Like I said, I love the sentimental idea of things.. I'm a slave, slave wears collars. Taking it off means that i am not a full slave anymore... or at least that's what it feels like. It feels like something is missing. Even now, as I sit in the airport, I wish it was around my neck. Anyways, the most tears was when it was removed and I knew that it wasn't going back on again until the next time Wwe meet. There is much to do in the next two weeks. It seems silly to be sad about being away for that period of time, so ill try to be strong and brave. I can do this. I can prepare myself and my family for this big step and transition. If you've been following along, thank You for following along. The story is not over, no, rather just beginning. Rays of sunshine, emma aka~no longer a bdsm virgin. :)

5/15/2014 5:33:51 AM
Wednesday and thursday. :-) I did have Wednesdays journal written but for some reason it is gone. Anyways here is a brief description of Wednesdays and what is so great about them specifically this week. Monday~ a fresh start. Tuesday~ too late to turn back now... not that I want to... Wednesday~ over the hill Thursday~ the hope for tomorrow. Thanks to a rather popular office comical Wednesdays are loving and comically referred to as hump day. I have to be honest I think the saying is obnoxious, but a little funny. Wednesdays are literally and figuratively a way to think about wrapping up the week in a positive manner. Monday and Tuesday mess are in the past and like Mondays, Wednesdays hold the opportunity to finish off the last part of the week in a great way. Yesterday, I was focusing on being filled with love. Love for my choices, love for the One making mine now, love for the"haters" and love for myself. This, loving myself thing is kinda a novel concept. I have had a lot of people give me reasons to not think that I should love myself. Master, without even knowing it has changed this in me. Although I am not happy with my body totally it doesn't mean it doesn't need love. Wednesdays safety measures: Make up code words and sentences that will signal alarm that something is wrong. Oh, and don't tell Master what they are. ;) Thursday. One more day. One more day at work and one more Night not in the arms of my Owner. It is hard to think that just a few weeks ago I was in a vanilla abusive relationship and now I couldn't be more happy. I am a rather positive person. And dating this other vanilla guy for so long has robbed me of some of my sun~shinning~ness. I used to just move through the day. I used to just deal with the mundane and roll with the continuous verbal punches that my work and home life gave me. Now, I am challenged, stretched, pushed, encouraged, sweetly broken, and comforted by the newness and excitingness of each day. The roller coaster doesn't stop after I get out of the tunnel, rather, it becomes new, exciting and fresh. Masters guidance shines into the tunnel and I feel engulfed in it. Only one more day until I am fully out and free to be His totally. Finally, the open air becomes what I have longed for ever since I started experiencing sexual feelings at 11/12. Just. One. More. Day. emma P.S. safety measures local police numbers and my families phone numbers memorized. :)

5/13/2014 5:15:03 AM
Happy Tuesday! In continuation of yesterdays journal post, I would like to tell Yyou all about why each day is special. Monday- a fresh new start. Tuesday- already in it. Tuesdays are nice because the saying "its too late to turn back now" comes to mind. It is a great feeling knowing that Monday is in the books and the rest of the week holds a promise for something great. Only three more sleeps, Friends. Three more sleeps until I meet the Man worthy enough to interrupt my life and realize my dream and how it is and was always possible. I get to meet the Man that makes me tremble with respect, but laugh with the lifhtheartedness of our conversations. Only three more sleep until this slave is truly made a slave in real life. Three, just three. Today, I am confident. Confident in my training. Confident in the knowledge of bdsm that my past trainers and leaders that didn't work out. Today i am Confident in my Master.confident that he knows my needs and wants. I'm confident that he can handle me and his hands are not full of my handfull-ness. And lastly, I'm confident in myself. My choices, my body, my mind and my wishes. Confident rays to You all, emma P.S. safety measures: Discussed some of my fears and talked about the stop-light system.

5/12/2014 3:17:22 AM
Happy Monday morning! So, each day of the week represents something. Monday- a fresh start. A chance to start with a clean slate. A chance to make this week the best week of my life, even if it is just another week filled with work. This week is a very special week for me. Very special. I will be meeting my Master on Friday. Just 4 more sleeps left until I leave for the airport. Can you believe it? I am beyond blessed to have a Master brave enough to let me see His emotions and let me hear how equally excited He is. I feel like together we can conquer the world. He makes me do things that I'd never thought possible. I am strong. Strong enough to put my needs aside, strong enough to look fear and nervous square in the face. I am strong enough to be a great slave. Until tomorrow. Excited Rays, His emma P.S. Safety measure #1 and 2- Have a copy/picture if His drivers licsence. Talk to the dad. :)

4/26/2014 2:05:55 PM
The breakup. Many of Yyou guys were wondering why I needed to be so secretive as far as my profile picture and what not. Well, the reason is because I had an RT boyfriend. He is an okay guy, but he refused to participate in this lifestyle and frankly, I don't expect anyone to change for me. So, where was I... oh yes, the breakup. Right, I came home from work and I drove home and drew out a deep breath. I turned the knob and opened the door realizing that I will walk out a "free" girl. You see, I've been thinking about this a long time. I knew for awhile that I would not be able to function in a regular vanilla relationship. I looked him in the eye and told him that I was really sorry but it was something that I needed to go. I needed to explore the world and my desires. I had a plan, a good plan. I was going to wait a little bit to break up. I was going to wait to gather the strength. Then, I find the strength to be brave and the strength to be true to myself. Since then, I wake up in the morning and smile. For now, I roll over and text my Master. I drive in the car and feel free. I am relieved. I am safe and secure. I feel free in the surrender to my Master. Once again, thank you for faithfully trading my journals and giving me feedback. Freedom Rays, emma

4/23/2014 5:39:26 AM
This journal post is really just a whole bunch of thoughts that im dealing with. Things are going are very with my Sir. We seem.to click in both vanilla aspects and bdsm as well. He keeps me guessing. I'm a very smart girl and consquently, im very very good at figuring out people, especially Dominants. He is well controlled if His emotions and very good at dealing with mine. Most of the time we text and message and even through that He tells me that this is right. This is real and I am actually less then a month from not being a RT bdsm virgin. My respect for Him grows more and more each day. I often think back to our conversations and how patient and understandung He was. Yet, never ever missing a beat when it comes to strictness and expecting the upmost. Now, to get to Him there are several.things that need to happen... all of these things require me to be brave and strong. Brave and string sound easy. Except its not really. Mostly because of all the unknowns. So, instead of not being brave and strong because of the unknown I will be strong because that is what slaves are. They are beautiful and strong. Strong enough to yeild their life to One worthy of it. I'll be brave because for once in my life because its time to make me happy, truly happy. Selfish, if you will. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be fullfilled. Its time. Brave Rays, emma

4/15/2014 5:30:53 AM
Choices. Let's get this straight- i hate choices, i hate having to choose, i hate having to wegh out options and choose the right one. The reason is simply, i never seem to make just the right one. i don't trust myself to make a "good choice". After a very eye opening night i started to think about why making choices is so darn hard. A memory, from when I was about 13 came to mind. My old babysitter was not much older then my sister, the babysitter, we'll call her A, called my mom and asked if she could take me and my older sister to an amusement park. My mom knew that I had already had plans with my real dads side of the family. So, being the most wonderful mother she was, let me choose. I was shaking with nervous and fear. I didn't want to let my family down andi didn't want to disappoint A. My sister said she was going to with A, and I was still stuck. I started begging her to tell me what to do and where to go. She was rather cold. I remember her telling me to grow up, I remember her saying "its not the biggest decision of your life." I made a decision purly based on the fact that I made plans with my family first. Was it what I wanted to.do, no. Was it what the best choice was, probably not. I know this is so minor. I know that a normal confidant slave, submissive choices are easy and that makes it sweeter to control them.... but... im me. Choices suck.

4/13/2014 4:41:44 PM
Today was amazing! Today, i spoke to the second person from collarme on the phone. He is smart, funny, handsome, strict, fair and very caring. He was slightly nervous, as was i. That shows me He cares. He is knowledgable and respectful. He is, so far, everything I could ever hope for in a Master. I'm excited to start seriously consider real possibilites and really thinking about how to make my biggest dream a reality. At this time, i would like to stop getting "tell me more about you" and "read this and tell me what you think" emails, please. I am more then happy to continue to make friends, especially with other girl slaves. I'll write more tomorrow! Love Rays, emma

4/8/2014 10:26:15 AM
Dear Collarme Ppeople, This has now gotten to the point that im growing more and more annoyed. im also not feeling well, so perhaps i sm doing this hastefully, but nevertheless, here it goes. 1. Do NOT ask me what i am searching for. There is a section in the profile that is titled "seeking". It makes me feel that You don't care enough to even glance at my profile. I will not answer You, i will simply direct You to my profile and journals. 2. Do not just send a message that says "hi". First of all, that isn't even a sentance. Secondly, if you want to talk to me, please put some thought inro the first message. I have gotten lazy and sent some small messages but still, at least it was more then one word. 3. Dommes- although im bisexual, i do need and crave a Man, a Dominant One. I know that You may have some fanasties abiut what You would like to do to such an obident girl, but pleasw understand that i am prertt much on CM for a Master, and perhaps His wife ir slave as well. Here ends my first journal that may make Ppeople displeased. If such is the case, let's talk about it.... but please send more then just a "hi". :)

4/6/2014 5:33:00 AM
Time for another journal! Yesterday, a girl was at her house and was sitting , on the floor, of course, and wanted to watch one of her favorite videos on her favorite porn site. Please allow a girl to site that she watches porn not to "get off" but she watches it for learning and training. The video is apart of an upper room.series and i am glued to the screen as soon as it starts. I saw young ladies who are beautiful and very much obident. I saw girls that strive to be their best always and not just in the bedroom. The girls were put through many paces and they, not even for a second didn't feel the control of the Dominants in a room. I watch those videos to see what the commands are, what do their hands look like when they are in a certain position. How do they respond to a question? How do they dress? How do they wear makeup? What are their eyes focusing on? What can i do differently. Please be awear that i am not a slave because i am weak, im a slave because i am strong. i am passionate about pleasing others,and seeing them smile. I feel most safe when i am being controlled. i feel most comfortable when i can feel their safety, their protection. i feel love when im punished. i don't like being punished but that is how i understand love. emma screws up, Master punishes. Master must love emma enough to punish her. Small bulliet points: 1. Please don't ask to CM chat, it doesn't work on my phone. 2. I have a few strong interests right now, but im always open to talk. 3. I'm still working and going to school, bare with me please. 4. Please expect the upmost from my responses, hold me accountable. 5. Please try to nit rush photos or rt information, im a little shy and get a bit nervous when those questions arrive. Perhaps a girl has cleared up some questions. As always, Beautiful rays of sunshine, emma

3/31/2014 7:18:08 AM
Where in the world has emma been? Good question! Sadly, emma doesn't have a great answer. Even if she did it doesn't matter now, because she is back! So... message and ask questions. Life is still crazy, but emma will do her very best to reply to messages in a much more timly manner. Please be aware that messages and the content in them speaks volumes to who You are and what is important to You. While it is important that You like me, it is important that i get good vibes from the sender. Much love and spring time rays, emma

3/2/2014 2:23:44 PM
Happy Sunday! This girl has been receiving lots of amazing emails and compliments on my journal and profile. emma will attempt to answer and clerify some things. Here goes a rather long journal post! What i desire in a Dominant: i crave strictness and rules. i need someone that is very good at reading and understanding ques and signals. emma wishes direction and clear instructions in almost every aspect of her life. emma desires pain and punishment because that is how she understands love. No, emma is not a bratty slave that purposely diobeys for punshiment, but i do have problems when i do disobey or behave displeasingly and it is not corrected swiftly. emma needs someone that is "fresh". Bdsm is fun, exciting, joyful and refreshing. To.emma, bdsm is the most brautiful display of love and affection possible in this planet. Emma needs One that loves to cuddle, but will not allow her the previleage of touch whenever she desires it. What does my slavary look like: My slavary is unquic. i want to be used hard, i want to be taught everything. I crave to.learn. I want to.be trained physically so that i am pleasing and attractive. i believe a slave is quite but is always ready to speak her mind when spoken to. i believe in trust not only in her Master, but also in her friends vanilla and not. i believe in feelings and the right to feel. But even when feelings and emotions happen the slave is even more yeilding. She is honest even when it means punishment. She is safe. A slave does not twist words a slave does not lie or cheat or steal. A slave is pleasing and selfless. She is strong, yet she melts in her Masters arms. emma hopes this helps! Rays, em

2/28/2014 10:49:34 AM
CollorMme Ppeople: Amazing day and Happy Friday! Its been a super long time since I have read and responded to messages, soooo sorry! Anyways, life at my chat Home is still crazy. I am.learning to be patient and let things happen. I am learning that although I desire for people to be happy and everything is fixed, the reality is the opposite, even emmas brightness cand fix the deepest of hurts that she didn't cause in the first place. Anyways, thanks fir reading so faithfully and I will update again soon. Rays of spring sunshine, emma P.S. I'm taking a pretty tough course currently and its kicking my butt, please don't fret if I don't respond quickly.

2/28/2014 10:49:31 AM
CollorMme Ppeople: Amazing day and Happy Friday! Its been a super long time since I have read and responded to messages, soooo sorry! Anyways, life at my chat Home is still crazy. I am.learning to be patient and let things happen. I am learning that although I desire for people to be happy and everything is fixed, the reality is the opposite, even emmas brightness cand fix the deepest of hurts that she didn't cause in the first place. Anyways, thanks fir reading so faithfully and I will update again soon. Rays of spring sunshine, emma P.S. I'm taking a pretty tough course currently and its kicking my butt, please don't fret if I don't respond quickly.

2/19/2014 8:39:07 AM
Good Morning CollarMme Ppeople: First of all, thank You to the ones of those that Take the time to read the girls journal. Something that I dont like to talk about in my seperation aniexty. I have had this condition since I was very young and it effects me everyday. With that being said, my long absence and not returning messages has been because a part of her online Ffamily had deciedes to leave. So, in other words my online life has been rocked, at time, too much for her to handle. Thank You for Your patiences. Rays of sunshine will come again, soon. emma

2/14/2014 5:01:48 AM
This one has flaws. Lots of them, actually. Here's a few: This one has quite the potty mouth. This one is a worrier. She likes to fidget. The girl is a horriable speller. The slave is very hard on herself. Emma likes to watch scary movies, and then have horriable nightmare. Lol. Okay, perhaps its not a flaw. ;) Sometimes when the day is tough this girl has a hard time slowly down each emotion... she is working on it. There are times that she thinks running away is a good choice. She enjoys singing so much that she sings constantly. The girl is a recovering arguer. ;) She trusts easily and almost always it ends up hurting her. The girl tries hard to act as if she is a true slave living the life all the time. One dreams of the day that it happens, one day... soon, she hopes. Rays of bright sunshine, emma

2/12/2014 8:03:47 AM
Strength. I was talking to a vanilla friend and she asked me a very interesting question. Why do you talk about being strong so much, when you submit, it isn't like you have to make any more hard choices. Now, before Yyou get angry at my frirnd, please note that she is a vanilla that tries really hard to understand bdsm. She cares deeply for me and is like a rock when I need her to be. The truth is, I talk about strength because being a submissive or slave takes a ton of strength. It takes strength that obe drawa from her spirit. Strength that requires more then the mindless "yes Sir". Submissive strength makes a girl reach down into her being and pull the strengtg to mutter the words, "yes Sir" but then, let it be well with her soul. This girl is not weak, no, she is strong. Strong enough to follow commands even when it hurts. She is strong enough to stand proud even when being "humiliated" she is strong enough to keep trying even when she had failed miserably before. She is strong, because she is a submissive/slave.

2/10/2014 10:39:13 AM
Dear CollarMme Ppeople, This journal is not like the rest. This journal is this girls feelings. Speaking freely alert: Sometimes this one wonders if this is right for her. Is girl cute enough? Does she say the right things? Is she too far gone into the vanilla ways to save? How will anyone ever take joy and pleasure out of making and training the girl? In emmas heart and mind she constantly think of how much she desires to just submit. She dreams of waking up next to her Master and kneels quietly waiting for Him to awaken. She gets lost in feeling of wanting to be touched and caressed but knowing His bidy his not hers to touch unless given permission. It seems more and more these days she looks at the simplies of chairs and fantanize kneeling next to it because furtiature is not for slaves. But, here she kneels. Alone, without a Master. Here she kneels feeling trapped by the freedom she wishes she could just give away. Her she is, waiting. Waiting for her Hero, her Protector, her Everything, her Master.

1/29/2014 5:17:41 AM
Wonderful Morning, Collarme Ppeople: Today is Wednesday. A pretty busy day for me... actually I think I'm pretty busy everday. *sighs* Anyways, I have had lots of requests for pictures and things of that nature. I want to express that while I am not the greatest looking slave on the planet, that is not the reason. I am a teacher at a small day care. I need to protect myself and my job. I do need Those of You that wish for one to be a little patient. While this request does not seem very slave-talk-ish, while I'm living a vanilla life, I need to protect it. So far, only one person has received a picture. I don't give them out willy nilly. :) I will end with this thought. Being a slave is the hardest thing I have ever taken upon myself. It is who I am and what I love about myself. I'm looking for One that knows what He wants and knows what I want and need. I'm proud of my choice, not ashamed even a little bit. Rays of Sunshine to all! -emma

1/27/2014 3:39:30 AM
Good morning collarme Ppeople. First of all, thank You to Eeveryone that emailed. It waa so great looking through profiles and keeping notes, things of that nature. I am currently very under the weather. My throat and chest have been irritates for almost a week now. If I haven't emailed back, but have read it, I apologize, I am just not feelinv very well. I'll be going through the mrssages and should start communicatinv with those I'm interested in. Thanks for understanding. Rays of sunshine, emmaa

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slaveofMlivert
 
 Age: 39
 Houston, Texas