DevotedWench

Male Submissive, 28, j, California

Male Submissive, 50, Birmingham, Alabama

Male Submissive, 31

i am so happy to now be 24/7 with my DaddyDom. It is my dream come true to be caring for him and serving him any way i can...

It occurred to me today that when things (my feelings, especially, but also situations) feel really out of control to me, that is when i want to cut(*). Because that is something i am controlling. MY hand is on the blade, MY pressure pushes it into the skin, I cause the pain! It really ties in with my anorexia...which is similar. i think that is why the D/s relationship works for me, because He has control; He is not afraid to TAKE control; to take me over his knee if necessary to control ME if that is what is what is required. We are still learning; He is still figuring out that when i am being crabby, usually a spanking is what i really need!!! i have submitted control to my Daddy, and cutting is a direct disobedience, or taking back, of that control. Only HE is allowed to "hurt" me; he knows how to give me release though pain without actually causing me injury. HE is ALWAYS in control, unlike me! That is why i need Him so much in my life... (* i would just like to add that by the Grace of God and with the help of my Daddy Dom i have not cut since 12/07. i am so grateful to both!)

Where i belong, is by Your feet... my favorite place to be when not serving You, resting my head on Your knee...

i am really starting to realize it is the PHYSICAL CONTACT aspect of bdsm that i need to keep my head on straight... without it i am a mess in a short time!

"It's GoGo, not cry, cry..."

My DaddyDom, iwillspku, has his work cut out for him! it's not easy to keep ME in line...i am definitely a project!

No criticism of other users. ok. if you are blocked, take the hint, and don't view my profile through someone else's. Get a life of your own and leave mine alone. Thanks!

LONG OVERDUE... Well, it has now been proven to me (again! i am what one would call a 'quick forgetter') that the weekly maintenance spankings are necessary to keep my endorphins where they need to be and my can-be snarly attitude in check! This attitude just brings me frustration and gets me nowhere, and i hate it! I was just getting sassier and pissier and it culminated in my "flipping off" my Dom in front of someone else - Not Good!!!! He was understandably angry and i was apologetic, but i felt terrible!! We tried to talk it out and eventually a punishment spanking was tentatively agreed upon. But when He came over the next day and we talked about the event a little more and it became apparent that i was still a little upset, and He was still a little peeved, He decided to not do it, as He will not discipline me when He is actually angry. Spanking for discipline is a loving act, to help the recipient be a better person, and NEVER done in anger!!! So, i was heartbroken when He said he decided not to do it...It always lead to such closeness, and i was devastated that i had disappointed Him with my lack of self-control! So, instead we just had dinner and talked, and put in a movie, and did some cuddling. I rubbed His feet and stroked his legs and nuzzled his neck - it was great just to be close to Him. After awhile, He was ready, and brought up the idea of just a little spanking, and of course i was all for it, for it means Special Attention from my Daddy.... He said alright, "just stand up and pull down your pants" and i was so glad i had put on my special lace panties for Him... He paused the movie and pulled me over His knee right there on the couch in front of the TV, stablized me with one hand on my back and started with His other hand, which, did i mention His hands are huge? and He is SO strong, His hand definitely had an effect! It hurt! (There is nothing more romantic than a good, old-fashioned, hand spanking, if You ask me....) After a bit He stopped and held me tight and checked in with me, and asked me if i needed a little more, which of course i did - i am like to have some nice marks! and the sensory reminder to carry me through for a while... So He pulled me back over His knee and laid into me even harder with His hand! I squirmed some this time, for sure - but i knew i needed it - it would help absolve my guilt over my disrespect and i knew it would get me back into the secure, cared-for place i like to be in...Then He stopped and asked me how i was doing and asked, "more?" i nodded, for i was sobbing just a little now, and He said, "Go get the brush!" I stumbled up from the couch, practically tripping over a chair and got the brush from the hook by the bed. i brought it back to the couch and presented it to Him. This time when He laid me over his knee He put me over His left knee only and His right knee over my legs, because He knows the effect that brush has on me! i could get injured if i were to squirm too much and fall, so it is important that He remain in control of the situation. He started with that devilish brush, with rapid smacks that went through me like electric shocks. I was squirming and biting the throw pillow in pain - that brush really makes me jump! His strokes were rapid and close together - He definitely was having an impact! [Initially He had brought THE STRAP in, but had put it back into the car when He decided not to spank me afterall. i was not sorry to see THAT thing go, but trust me the long-handled bath brush was plenty effective, as anyone looking at my pictures can see.] Then the important part came - where He reminded me, during the spanking, what i had done wrong and how He did not want to see it happen again, and i agreed through tears not to do it. This is where the rebonding happens. This is where the last vestiges of whatever i did wrong disappears in a 'poof' as we work it out. i know it is gone, that it won't be thrown up in my face later, that i can feel shame and guilt-free with Him again, that i have truly submitted to His loving discipline. i was drifting into a fog of subspace pain by then, but i am pretty sure He checked in with me again and held me some more, and i wanted more! Yes folks, just call me 'Pain Slut' - it is what works for me, what can i say? Finally i was screaming really good - i think He only delivered a few more strong rapid whacks with the brush then He pulled me up into His strong arms and held me. He told me how much He loves me, and i Him. i fetched the lotion for my derriere, peeking at my arse in the full length mirror - WOW! He gently rubbed in the lotion, reminding me one more time about the behavior He does not want to see any more...i lay back with my head on His lap (and my sore ass kind of off the couch) and He gently said "How's my little girl?" Those words are music to my ears... I spent the rest of our evening together in subspace, as i just gazed up into His handsome face and soft blue eyes... Needless to say, we will have to finish the movie another day!

Happily owned by my Daddy, iwillspku! ;)

TOO SORE TO SIT AGAIN My "Reminder" spanking for the week (hopefully the last one!!! i needed a reminder (i broke the rules again!), and in the most loving possible way, my Daddy beat my ass again - and i needed it! i got home from work and waited in the corner on my knees for Him, and while He got ready, and then He came up behind me and asked me again, what i had done wrong, and i told Him.... He got me up, and i saw the bath brush on the bed - at least the paddle and the STRAP weren't out - but that brush usually leaves some blisters! He sat down on our spanking chair and pulled me down over His lap, and lifted my skirt and pulled down my panty hose and my panties. He started with His hand - i know it does not sound like much, but He has big hands and is really strong! So, yeah, it hurt!!!! What was worse, He really scolded me this time, and i felt terrible for disappointing Him and letting Him down. I swear, the scolding made me cry even worse than the pain - but then He picked up the brush and asked me if i was going to do it again- and brought it down on my ass! That thing hurts soooo much!! - i said i would try not to, but He said there was no more trying! He brought it down again! OWWW i howled!!! He said i would either do what he asked and expected of me (He made me repeat what that was) or i could expect more of this tomorrow... He whipped my soft ass flesh a few more times with that wicked brush, and then it was over. He pulled me up into his arms and told me how i was a good girl, and He just wants me to take care of myself... He let me cry out all my sadness at disappointing him and letting him down... And just held me in His big strong arms. It felt soooo wonderful to have all my badness taken away like that!! He told me again how much He loves me... Then he helped me to the bed and rubbed lotion into my raw skin...

THE STRAP... (Author's note: i am typing on my knees because my ass is just too sore to sit on my padded computer chair!) Well, He showed up with something in a bag. i could see the large wooden handle protruding out of it. it was the Strap. Not the little one, used for fun, but the BIG one used for punishment! About 5 or 6 inches wide and maybe 2 feet long of full grain leather...Truly a "weapon of Ass Destruction!" i got even MORE worried then, but i had been anticipating my punishment all day. It had been in the back of my mind as i went about my Saturday appointments and shopping. i got home and busied myself putting away groceries, and tidying up but finally the time came - we spent some time holding each other, catching up on what is going on in our lives and finally got around to discussing the Event. He asked me to tell Him my safe word. We talked about what the spanking was for, and then, He stood up and laid his spanking implements out on the bed. He took a seat in our Spanking Chair, and i stood in front of him, presenting myself to him. As he undid my jeans and pulled them down along with my panties, He said, "I am not looking forward to this", as He kissed me. i knew he meant it. But i knew i deserved it and would be better off for it in the long run! Sometimes Daddies need to punish their little girls for their own good! He pulled me down over his knees and started with his hand. He can really spank hard with his hand, and it hurt! I gasped, gripping the leg of the chair, and His pant leg; because i knew it would only get worse! Then he paused, and i knew he was picking up something else... and i felt the bath brush rest lightly on my ass for just a moment, and then WACK!!! i hate that thing; it stings worse than anything!!! i jumped but i know not to struggle too much or reach back with my hand because He will just overpower me and hold me down. [It is His ability to overcome my "fight or flight" instinct that makes the spanking effective - it is what really internalizes the learning for me, and gets me into that "buzzed" space later]. Each time he brought the brush down i was sure i could not stand it another moment- but then He brought it down again - it is a blur, but i think i remember telling Daddy how sorry i was and how i did not want to be bad any more....i was sobbing by now... Then he got me up - and stacked some pillows on the bed and told me to lie over them, and put my face into the one at the head of the bed (my downstairs neighbors were home after, all!). i knew he was picking up the strap, because this is how He has me lie when He uses the belt; it is so he can get adequate scope in his stroke. i cannot describe adequately what that first SWAT with the strap felt like - it burned white hot - i jumped up like i had been shot with a bolt of electricity! He stabilized me with his hand on my back to encourage me to get back in position, which i usually do.. but it was hard! The next hit was unbelievably painful, and by now i was screaming hysterically into the pillow and started hyperventilating - a reaction to the extreme pain. With each hit, He let me jump and squirm and then get back down; He did not have to order me back into position though, like He sometimes does. i could feel his hand on my back, the searing pain was unbelievable and i did not think i would survive. Finally, He said "Three more!" so i steeled myself for the end - i was screaming and crying and as soon as he finished the final strike, he was crawling on top of me, gently holding me and comforting me (my Daddy is AWESOME at aftercare!!!) and telling me it was over and i was ok... He got up and got the lotion, and gently rubbed into the flesh of my now-burning ass....and laid down next to me and held me and let me cry it out. i know this will help me with my behavior, because now i have a physical memory of a negative reinforcement for the behavior (which is anything that causes the behavior to cease) lodged in the cells of my body and it is no longer going to be just a cognitive struggle for me. i cannot describe the enormous gift my Dom has given me by providing the boundaries and reinforcements that i have always sought. Thank You "one". My Only.

MY DISOBEDIENCE...... is about to earn me the Punishment Spanking of my life - the worse yet!!!! i was feeling impetuous and rebellious and deliberately ignored one of my Daddy's directives - i thought i would get away with it but when He asked about it, i had to tell Him - i cannot lie to Him!!! Daddy was "Pissed off!" that his little girl deliberately disobeyed, even though i was acting out because i felt a little abandoned and hurt.... i will in time learn to trust His love for me, and he will show it to me again tomorrow! i thought i was bruised up the last time i got a punishment spanking, but He told me that would feel like a "KISS" compared to what is coming this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am of course concerned, but the truth is, this is a matter that i have struggled with for YEARS! i have been unable to modify my behavior on my own, so.... submitting to my Daddy is my only hope to really improve and change on this issue. It will be horrible when it is happening but when it is done i will be grateful. He knows what is best for his little girl, and truly only wants that!

Any other Submissive females out there who care to network about exploring the lifestyles of Domestic Discipline and Daddy Dom? Any input is welcome, even from all You Dom Males viewing me. i Thank You!!

My One....

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