|
|
|
|
|
|
|  | |  | |  | |
|
|
|
|
|
| Non-monogamous
in love, sex and play.
:) Looking for local play partners and lovers, and hoping to explore play with Dominant couples.
I am definitely, definitely not looking for long distance relationships, though those who are regulars to the Toronto kink community may attract my attention, in terms of play. :) And all the power and best of luck to those of you who DO do LD relationships. I am in awe. Perpetually.
If you're in/around the Toronto community, chances are that we'll meet at some point, and if there's any chemistry to pursue, we'll know it then. :) All the best finding what it is that you need.
|
|
|
|
|
Gah. Do you know what? I was trying to copy and paste some e-mails here to demonstrate the behaviours indicative of an abuser. Sadly, I cannot seem to make the tables transfer smoothly, and frankly, this punk is not worth the effort. *grins*
SO... DO review your list of red flags!! If you don't know for sure what that means, google BDSM Red Flags. Also, Dating Red Flags. Also, Abusers Red Flags.
People who dodge simple, direct questions, who expect you to immediately submit to them OR dominate them at first contact (haha - online, no less!) are people you want to avoid. And anyone, ANYONE who becomes abusive (name calling, denigrating, etc.) with you, upon challenging their self-assumed "authoritah" with a simple question, a straight-up, clear observation or a jest is likely NOT someone you want to get yourself involved with.
You know, unless you're down with emotionally crippled, abusive "dumbinants" or "submissives".
Happy searching, and may you find what it is that you need!
|
|
|
|
|
Muse
How delightfully entangled
I feel with you in ways
very feminine and fluid,
whisper soft and yielding,
willing, wild.
Wiled, too,
which thrills
so immensely.
Tastes and ways, bit by bit,
make themselves known and
I watch. Watch and wish more.
Drawn, I salivate
and hunger
on levels,
and in ways
quite unexpected.
Sometimes I think I live
to tear myself on life
and heel
and heal
and grow
and repeat...
I guess we all do
to varying degrees. |
|
|
|
|
"When you see a good man, try to emulate his example, and when you see a bad man, search yourself for his faults." ~Confucious
I will not live my days in hatred, or even irritation, over the ways of others. I will search them, as I search myself, for that which is lovable, enjoyable. I will not dismiss a human being from my loving, however detached, in favour of my own intellectual comfort. Life hurts, it's messy. It stings and twists and turns and if I'm paying attention, it always tells me who I am and where I'm at. |
|
|
|
|
This nickname isn't clever because I think I'm so smart. This nickname is what it is because it's a reminder to myself, to be clever about how I proceed in this lifestyle.
BDSM is filled with both risk and reward, and those risks need to be managed and mitigated by my own common sense, my own intuition, and by those I allow near me - or else the rewards will never find me.
Part of being clever about caring for myself is dumping, bypassing and not even bothering with those who are likely to harm me and/or others and/or themselves; whether by design, ignorance, carelessness, neglect, whatever.
I'm a loving, caring person and while a part of me will probably always ache to ensure that all people find their way to their best selves, it's just not my place in the world to do that. My job is to find and understand me, as yours is to find and understand you.
So... forgive me for not bothering with you if you strike me as not for me. For whatever reason. I don't need to be called down for it, you don't need to be called down for it, and it's really no one's fault. It simply is what it is and ultimately, it's almost certain that I wish you well. |
|
|
|
|
I'm realizing two things. First, I haven't written here in a really, really long time! Second, I'm up too late and ought be asleep! *grin*
To those who've asked and wondered, YES, the weird mystery illness is gone, and no one could be happier about it than I am. Thanks so much for kind thoughts and caring, and I wish good health for you and for yours, and that mine will continue. I'm certainly grateful for good health to a degree to which I was not, five months ago. It's funny, the things we take for granted, huh?
All the best. :) |
|
|
|
|
There once was a man who would not be.
And not a damned thing a girl
can do about that.
|
|
|
|
|
There are days I feel so grateful, so moved, so safe and protected and happy and just honoured that I feel like I might break. I wonder if this is what it means to leave one's shell...
|
|
|
|
|
It's amazing what a little communication can do. Have I mentioned lately that I feel I'm the luckiest girl ever?
|
|
|
|
|
My apologies to those I was intending to meet up with at last night's munch. Although I didn't attend, I certainly hope that you enjoyed the evening.
|
|
|
|
|
"Men are like steel; when they lose their temper, they lose their worth."
~Chuck Norris
|
|
|
|
|
There's a really deep and specific reverence for which I seek. It cannot be forced or faked or forged. And I cannot describe it, either. I simply know it when I meet and feel it.
And it bears saying, too, that even those with whom I don't feel that resonance are really neat and valuable human beings in their own rights!!
It's not about remaking the world into clones of that which I seek, it's simply seeking to find my own place with and within my own; where I may best serve and be valued for all that I am, in my entirety as a being.
It's not everyone's way of doing things, sure. And it's definitely not the only way to do things! It is simply what I need and want and value.
We're all entitled to that, so long as it harms none.
|
|
|
|
|
I don't want to be bad. That really just doesn't appeal to me. And I don't think of myself as perverse or as twisted and I don't think of BDSM as nasty.
In my opinion (or maybe just in my case) M/s takes somewhat delicate work. Trying to throw around heavy weight before ever bothering to earn trust is a sure way to lose my interest.
Sincerity, humility, intelligence, perceptiveness, self-retraint... vital vital vital vital....
|
|
|
|
|
Sweet journey, chardonnayy.
Such a lovely, gentle soul.
a strong and kind and caring person
you were a beauty to behold.
The kind of woman all could learn from,
generosity of heart,
it is selfishly I claim,
I wish we didn't have to part.
I know your journey takes you
to planes both far and wide,
that your just as sweetly raucous
over there now, on that side.
Sweet and smart, endearing,
with that quick wit, dimpled smile,
calculating, clever,
edumacating all the while.
You were a beauty to behold,
and I'm glad I got to be
near you, and to know
that you were just as fond of me.
Much lovin' on your journey,
much happiness and bliss.
Take with you affection
and this sweet soul lovin' kiss.
*hugs that char girl and says her sweet goodbyes*
|
|
|
|
|
I am looking for the dominant who sent an e-mail regarding "popularity". I'm sorry I didn't glean the wisdom beneath the words first time around. If you read this, will you resend, please? I'm not hitting on you, I just would like to look at that again.
Sincerely,
~clever
|
|
|
|
|
So distracted.
So very, very
deliciously,
delightfully,
demonstratively
distracted.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Love is all around you. Love is knocking outside your door. Waiting for you is this love made just for two. Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know."
~Love Song, Tesla (Five Man Accoustical Jam) So much about looking for an owner is so difficult. Hurting good people and seeing good people hurt; meeting almost matches that are still misses; hopes hoisted and dashed again. It's a shame, really. And I admire those who can do it and keep a good heart and mind about it.
Myself, I'm too soft. When I muster the courage to approach that one that I believe I can truly honour who will honour me in return; whom I respect and hold in high regard, and who respects and holds me in high regard too; who knows me, feels connected to me, who is worthy and deserving off all that I have to offer... that's when I will try again.
Until then, I think, it is truly time to let clever be number one.
That being said, there is love all around me. There is family, and there are friends, music, books, writing, poetry, dancing and creating; not to mention those couples I know who have found that into which I hope to someday furl.
So in hope and with faith, I give up the search and release myself from the burden of sifting through countless human beings for a match.
When I am ready, it will be.
To those who've given up, and to those who continue their searches: all the best always.
: ) Happy New Year.
|
|
|
|
|
Sweet solstice tidings!
All the best to you and yours today and all days.
|
|
|
|
|
"It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come."
~Dalai LamaDon't depend on me to be anything other than loving. Do not assume expectations with respect to my actions based on that love. To love is to love all, first and foremost. I am you; and this incarnation is as deserving of the love, respect and acceptance I desire for your experience of your current human incarnation. Love does not a match make. : ) Be happy.
|
|
|
|
|
So happy and excited and grateful to be of good loving service to the communities to which I belong, be they physical or digital, here or far away. :D Mwah... universal love.
|
|
|
|
|
I am grateful for loving kindness, and for good will and understanding; for sweet and gentle telepathic hugs, soft kisses, for hope and faith, for the soft hum of electric fans, for the sound of cars sluicing through the thin sheen of rain on the roads, for indoor plumbing, for great quotes and inspiration, for fresh fruit and crunchy carrots, for computers and for pens, for compassion, for a warm dry home, for love and wonder, and for wisdom, though it sometimes costs a tear or four; for affection and for honour, for the chance to be alive, for the earth and all she gives us, for the stars up in the sky. For the moon, the sun, the rain, the waters, hills and trees and for my health, for the power to give and to feel love, for the power of positive thought, prayer and meditation, for the feeling of being small and curled and held and protected and appreciated; for the opportunity to share what's in my heart and love and value and honour others too. ♥ :) Good things. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
|
Love is the difference.
I was reminded yesterday that intention in life is key, no matter. A later conversation gave rise to a couple of tidbit tools to share. Prosper as you will.
Gratitude and Accomplishments Journal
Every day, fill one page with things to be grateful for, fill the page that faces it with accomplishments, big or small.
It trains the mind to be in the habit of graciousness and self-appreciation.
Powerful, eh? :D
Challenge Thoughts Aloud
Internal talk sets moods and expectations; a powerful combination that emits a frequency (energy). Since it seems the universe craves things balanced, an equal and opposite reaction occurs.
Streamline and "colour" those feelings and thoughts by challenging those you do not want aloud. For example, if I find myself thinking, 'I probably can't do that,' I can respond with my voice and mind, "I challenge that thought," or, "that notion" or, "that belief".
If I want to, I can take it a step further and tell myself aloud, "There's a better way to achieve that," "there's a wiser way to do this," or "I know there's a way. A good way;" just to reopen the mind to positive possibilities.
Treading Carefully in Wishing Wells
Needs and desires drive what we do. Yet we often don't understand them at all. When we hope, what is it really that we're hoping for?
Is it a relationship I seek, truly? Or is it a sense that I belong and am of value and accepted for who I am that I'm looking for? Do I crave money? Or is it a sense of security, a feeling of comfort and safety that I'm really wanting?
I used to live alone in this gorgeous open studio. 800 square feet of 11 foot high space with big windows and lots of sunlight in downtown TO in a building full of artists and craftsmen. And yet, I felt something was missing.
So I prayed for someone who would always be there for me. Someone who would be my friend. Someone who would make me laugh. Someone who appreciated and loved music. And I prayed fervently and so so so sincerely. I made offerings to the spirits and positive powers that be, and earth and sacred fires and trees, asking for their help.
Within six weeks, I had three room-mates. My youngest sibling, a musician, who's a good friend of mine and with whom I can always find laughter, moved in week two. A friend of the family was unemployed and came to look for work. He moved in about week three and a half, but suffered a bout of depression; turned out, he pretty much always stayed home. He was almost lways there. Nearly every time I woke up, nearly every time I came home, and nearly every time I left. At the six-week mark, a female friend in the same two drum circles as me moved in.
What a crowd. It wasn't all pretty at all.
What I really really wanted, and some of what I got, was to feel understood, valued, comfortable and whole. What I really asked for was pretty much what I got.
I guess that falls under attention to detail in wishing.
I hope this is beneficial.
|
|
|
|
|
In TORONTO....
NOW magazine now hosts online dating site (Connections) and online kink site (Connxxxtions).
|
|
|
|
|
The girl who would not become
crouched within and come undone
a quark of ever after,
a spark of harmonious laughter.
What's it all to mean,
and when's it all to say
what's nestled in the future,
what meets us here today?
If I could know these secrets
if I could see and sense
I'd let the girl who would not be
out from behind that fence.
A timid two-step forward,
a whipping lash-dance back,
a firefly in the distance,
a light spills through the crack.
But surely this is fantasy
that pain can marry love,
that guiding, truthful, honest hands
can reach, from way above.
Suffer deep in silence,
suffer love with voice...
even a girl penned in with fence
understands that there's a choice.
|
|
|
|
|
Good morning, my Grandfather sun,
way up high, set deep in sky.
What mysteries do you see?
Are you imprisoned? Are you free?
We circle, around and around,
set on our course, objection hoarse.
Are you where you are by your will?
Could you walk, do you have that skill?
Do you suffer, stationary?
Do you sometimes think us scary?
Crazy humans, all we do,
we could learn so much from you.
Still and bright and yet evolving,
against the dark, ablaze and solving.
Never faith in you be shaken,
your love and light and warmth, all taken.
Gratitude... for that which we love and need. So necessary!
|
|
|
|
|
Something is different today...
something has shifted,
I can't quite say.
I don't know what it is...
moving forward and adapting.
Is this becoming ____ ?
|
|
|
|
|
How exciting!
I thought I would be witnessing a roundtable discussion today. Instead, each participant was a contributor!
Community education / awareness workshops = awesome!
:D
|
|
|
|
|
There's Gonna Be
You must see the light in the distance
Whether dark outside or not
You must keep that light on inside you,
cause it keeps you from who you're not.
Honesty and truthfulness,
they really are rewarded.
And eventually, you'll get to know
once the dust is settled, sorted.
And really, it may not be fast,
or quick or an instant blaze,
but someday you're gonna let it be,
and be plucked from the maze.
High in the sky,
if just for a breath,
a gleaning of depth.
And a world full of wonders
still left to explore
and with that one breath,
you're more than before.
Irrevocable light...
is given, exchanged
And love's sweet mercy
shows just what has changed.
If I could track those moments
that I've lived from there to here,
I'd find all of the brokenness
In choices born of fear.
And there's not a lot to say there,
except that we all stray.
And we all lose our pieces
and if willing, find our way.
And mostly there is hope,
and mostly there is meaning,
and suddenly it doesn't matter,
all the primp and preening.
Cause there's gonna be a soul,
and a set of eyes that see
who you are for you,
and who I am for me.
And whether or not that sticks,
whether that one's the one,
there'll be no mistaking the meaning,
and you'll know how far you've come.
And you'll get to keep that always,
whether hopes or plans prevail.
And always, if you let them,
faith and wisdom fill your sail.
Today is a good day to Love.
Today is a good day to try.
Today is a good day to know
what you're looking for and why.
|
|
|
|
|
I would that you would know,
always and without a doubt
that you are both loveable and loved.
I would that you would know and value
your own self and soul,
as you wish another could, or would.
I would that you would,
but then who am I?
But another embedded
another threaded
another soul leaded
in a never-ending tapestry
of worldly oneness
divided by the illusion
that you and I
and I and she
and she and he
and he and you
and you and they
and us...
are somehow separate.
|
|
|
|
|
One cannot offer that which one does not know, live, possess, and so I offer only this:
You will cry. You will shriek with a rage and a grief so deep and profound that you will come to wonder how you lived, and know you really did not.
You will writhe. Blood will wing through your veins and agony will burst forth from you; and a shattering unraveling of all that you thought must have been will throw you sliding from yourself through mysterious coils of being unrestrained by time.
And you will see yourself.
And finally love.
And broken by actuality, you will cease your performing and justification will fall, silent and dead and moot from your mind, and finally you will just be.
At one, and scented with salvation, you will know life. And letting. And you will be whole, fluid and meaningful, and know it.
Rising, you will wonder at the crest and know the brilliance. Of all of it.
And slowly you will settle, and rest, and then fall. And then again, fall probably more. And at the depths of your despair again, a light will come to you and you will know again inside your mind's eye what it was to crest the summit, and so again you start, and seeking out that lightness of being, you will begin again. And again accede. And so on, and so forth, plotting your ways and wandering days being and becoming on the journey which is only every journeyed should you choose.
You are no less capable, intended, valuable than any being... than any. And you deserve. But only you can take it. Only you can break it. And only you can make it.
Become, if you wish.
It is only up to you.
|
|
|
|
|
"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than his or her reaction to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."
~Joyce Brothers
|
|
|
|
|
"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
~ Einstein
|
|
|
|
|
"So I'm dancing to a new beat and it came to me in bed. My veins became a strain of light that I let to flow instead;
and a wish came to me like Peter Pan at my window and said, "Evolve your destiny child and you'll never walk alone- no." You'll never walk alone, but travel to the land of surrender till' you can't cry no more till you can't, till you can't. And you'll never walk alone."
~Nelly Furtado, Trynna Find a Way
|
|
|
|
|
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
|
|
|
|
|
Naive is an antonym of wise. So one chooses, at each new lesson, to get a) wise to something; or b) obtuse about it...
|
|
|
|
|
Morning coffee from a stainless steel mug reminds me just how vital and influential is the vessel.
|
|
|
|
|
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."
|
|
|
|
|
"I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe.
Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of."
~Santogold, L.E.S. Artistes |
|
|
|
|
"Sometimes I think it would be easier to just have sex; rather than sitting there trying to think of something clever to say."
~Boys and Girls (2000) |
|
|
|
|
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
~ Marilyn Monroe |
|
|
|
|
I behave so oddly sometimes. Shortly after I said "I don't don't don't won't talk about it" in chat today, I realized I was the one who brought it up.
I don't like feeling overwhelmed outside of play. I want to avoid it, but at the same time, the part of me that cannot let a riddle lie keeps picking at it.
Hmph.
|
|
|
|
|
| "Spiritual Values are an Attitude." |
| --Leonard George, Chief Councilor |
| "Attitude is a direction which we follow. If you have a positive attitude, it means you will lean towards a positive direction. If you have a negative attitude, it means you will lean away from the Spirit. Therefore, if we lean toward spiritual values, then our actions will become significant and important. If we lean away from spiritual values, our actions will become insignificant or unimportant. For example, if we value love, we will lean towards it; we will prefer to express and embrace it. " | |
|
|
|
|
The play party was very interesting! The crowd was less dense than I expected it to be, and the people, with a very few exceptions, less friendly.
I'm really grateful I recognized (from a profile photo) the CM chatter who told me about the event, so I had friendly strangers to hang with.
Most of the scenes I saw were a bit more .. "clunky" than I had anticipated... It's very different; having had a few experiences of my own, to see it from the outside.
I got to help tidy up the grappling pit at the end of the night, which was good for me; and I plan to attend another.
I don't know if I'll ever play at a public event... I know I have a little bit of exhibitionist in me, but I don't think the streak's that wide or deep.
|
|
|
|
|
I'm very much looking forward to attending a BDSM event tomorrow night. This will be my first!
I'm a little bit nervous and a lot excited. :) I hope I get to see some single-tail play.
Hope you all have a happy and fulfilling weekend. |
|
|
|
|
Hot for passive solar energy and straw bale harvest homes! lol :)
"Enough straw is produced in North America to satisfy all of our residential building needs. Straw offers a sustainable means to house our growing population while diminishing our impact on forests."
|
|
|
|
|
Wow.
I did some suspension research, and I don't mind saying; that interest now includes a liberal dash of very healthy fear, and a thousand-fold increase in respect for those who do what they do well.
Very humbling, indeed! |
|
|
|
|
It takes no talent to be mean; only fear and insecurity.
I feel for the people who feel so small they lash out, especially on a regular basis, building up a thick and calloused skin around their hearts and minds, excusing cruelty and petty small-mindedness and gossip as fun or normal or no big deal.
So many humans. So little humanity.
|
|
|
|
|
I was pondering my place in my journey this morning, and as I often do, I sought the wisdom of the Universe around me. An insight-seeking activity that I enjoy is to take a book, an inspirational and enlightening one, and focus on my situation or question for a moment before openening to the page that just feels right.
This morning, I was thinking about mature, nurturing, fulfilling relationships.
One of my favourite books is called "Journey to Joy." It was written by Celia Sankar, who is an inspiring and talented journalist and motivational writer. This is the book I used this morning, and this is the wisdom the book had to offer me.
"In practical ways, I will be to myself what I want a life mate to be to me. I will take care of my own financial affairs, treat myselt to my favorite meals, get myself a present every once in a while. I will be there for myself emotionally, compliment myself on my looks, praise myself on my accomplishments, accept me for who I am. I will love, honor and cherish myself."
I am reminded that the most sure-fire way to know that I am loved is to love myself. I am also reminded of wisdom imparted by a gorgeous, loving, intelligent and thoughtful Dominant, coincidenally, named Joy. Joy told me always to remember that no one is going to treat me any better than I treat myself. And I flipped that, and saw the truth on the other side of the coin, too: no one is going to treat me any better than they treat themselves. So this is something that I carry with me, and something that, obviously, I need very much to keep in mind while searching for friends and lovers.
Do you love yourself as you would have someone love you? Or do you deny yourself the love you so richly deserve?
No matter what I do, who I love, where I go and what I experience, I am the only one who's going to be right here with me, my whole entire life, no matter what happens. So this relationship I have with me must remain priority.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 40 |
| Melbourne,
Australia |
|
|
|
| | |
