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chaoticingenue

chaoticingenue - photo 1

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Still hypnotized by flames, still deeply moved by stars. I am very ordinary and very important (to some); I am no manic pixie dream girl, no cool girl, but able to pretend. Won't you see me as I am and overpower me ... not simply to possess but to destroy defenses and then build them up again because you know that true power involves loving? I was designed to exist in that moment between threat and action; I am selfish and I want all of it. Local (Bay Area) preferred. I won't relocate. First words have a tremendous impact, don't you think? I have kik and Skype, will share with those who I connect with. The kik messaging became overwhelming :) I'm also very happy to verify briefly on camera for those that I really connect with. Read my journal before emailing me. Trust me, you'll want to know a few things before getting into a conversation.

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10/19/2017 6:57:01 PM
I will video verify quickly with anyone I have an interest in who wants to make sure they're speaking with me. I realize many of you are exhausted with all the fake profiles, and I do have empathy for how many emails you send out to the void. That said, I cannot and will not respond to every single message I receive. If you would like to get a response from me, a very good way to do it is to (regardless of length of message) be yourself. There is plenty of time for being dark and evil if we connect. I'm much more intrigued by those who can speak in full sentences and who have full lives outside of this site.

Even so, I will not respond to all messages. Please know that if I don't respond at all, it likely had nothing to do with you, but rather either my level of overwhelm that day or the way I was feeling about D/s. I'm sorry. I know it's much more exciting to think of all of us subs writhing around in desperate lust all the time, but this sub at least is pretty much living her life and then occasionally diving into abject powerlessness (or wishing for more of it).

By the way, so wishing for more of it.

6/12/2017 10:29:19 PM
I don't have any interest in your porn fantasies. I've been fantasizing about being kidnapped and broken for deeply personal power reasons in a dystopian wasteland since I was a kid. If you want a girl who looks up at you with lust while sucking your dick for hours, that's great, but what I want is to be raked over the coals of your power until you have my considerable power at your disposal. Someone get this, please.

6/6/2017 1:20:45 PM
When I get "not a true sub"-ed I always have to laugh. What is a submissive? To me, a submissive is a a fully functioning adult who is either inherently prone to handing sexual/psychological power over to trusted partners or who chooses to do so for pleasure. I do not see anything dominant about taking advantage of youth and inexperience, I do not see anything submissive about being incapable of taking care of oneself on any level, I do not see anything dominant about demanding a submissive isolate/trap herself financially, I do not see anything submissive about an inability to know what you do and do not want and to agree to that which you do not feel is your authentic self because you have been pressured to do so. 

We all have very unique fantasies about what D/s is and who we are in it. Some of us have very dark fantasies that involve levels of helplessness and psychological breaking that we will never be able to realize, because we also live in the real world. What we hope, those of us who roll our eyes at the "true sub" accusation, is for the space to get as close as possible to that darkness, to play and revel in what we feel is our most authentic self, and then to share the warmth of aftercare, get some sleep and wake up the next day fully prepared to be the rest of our self, the perhaps larger piece that works hard, loves literature, debates politics and builds a full life.

I enjoy this dichotomy and I feel for those doms who will never get the experience of the deep submission an intelligent, fully functioning adult can access because they're focused on taking advantage of those who can't defend themselves, as if that was submission.

1/8/2017 3:22:51 PM
Some of you are way more perverted than I am :) I'm extremely dark, but the whole incest/serious age differences/de-humanization to an extreme sections of this world are a bit overwhelming. And this is coming from someone into consensual non-consent, degradation and psychological breaking.

1/2/2017 8:49:08 AM
Wow, the responses to my political journal entry are so helpful! Thank you for those of you who are self-selecting out, though you really don't need to send me the angry, insulting email to prove that you're not for me. It doesn't scare/hurt/distress me at all, if that's what you were hoping. I've been yelled at by fearful people many times.

We are all entitled to our beliefs, and mine are very solid and come from nearly a lifetime of working against discrimination (yes, even when I was a child) and caring deeply for the rights and safety of others. I hope that your beliefs are equally well-thought-through and come from deep knowledge of yourself and what you believe to be good and kind in the world. Be well.

1/1/2017 3:32:27 PM
If you voted for Trump or abstained from voting because you couldn't bear the thought of voting for Hillary because she was *insert conservative smear tactic that successfully worked on you here*, we're not going to get along. Let's just save ourselves the trouble of that unfortunate discovery.

11/30/2016 11:16:43 AM
I'm in an open relationship. I usually share this with people once we've talked a few times, but I'm finding those conversations frustrating for several reasons: 1) my relationship is not up for discussion, nor is it going to be the focus of fantasy. My partner isn't into being cuckolded, I'm not into cuckolding him, we're not into "sharing" me, he's not interested in meeting you and becoming friends. 2) I'm not open to a long term, monogamous, committed relationship with you. However, I do not D/s casually, and I only play with those who I can see caring about at some point in the future. This is not for everyone. I recommend spending some contemplative time ensuring that you are the type of person who can be a secondary, or a good friend with benefits. I do not expect you to hold primary space for me when I do not have that space for you, but I'm a very vulnerable and loving submissive seeking someone who can be deeply present in all things, so I only engage sexually with those who take care of such submissives, regardless of type of relationship. 3) I enjoy meeting in person, but will only do so if 1 and 2 are clearly established. I do not expect every date to result in friendship, nor do I want it to. But I do expect every date to be friendly. If none of this is for you, I respectfully ask that you move on to someone who is more what you are seeking. Be well.

9/13/2016 9:39:06 AM
I am not seeking anyone 50 or older. I understand that very unusual age differences excite many of you, but I personally find that fantasy to be unappealing. Be well and enjoy those conversations with others.

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trianglesunrise
 
 Age: 19
 Miami, Florida