Aw god I'm being stalked. His name is Myron and he is living in my kitchen.
He is 3" long excluding antennae, very very fast.
There is a $100,000.00 reward for any one willing to remove him from behind my dishwasher and put him outside.
Please. Please. Please.
He is a GIANT cockroach and holding me hostage. I'm trapped in the center of my bed, my cat is hungry (so am I actually).
Myron is lurking, waiting for just one false move.