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boinexdoor

		Back		Interests

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	deMANd4U



	Changing my approach. Months ago I did online IM role play with a Master for a few weeks. I really liked it, though I did not think I would at the beginning. If anyone is into that, feel free to contact me and we can see if we like the same things. I know, it's a weird idea and not for everybody, but I found it kinda worked for me. I would lke to try both the dom and sub roles at some point.

i've been away from this site for several months, but thought i would give it another try. That makes me wonder what it is about us that makes us keep coming back to something when we have not been able to make it work before. I guess it is part of the drive inside of us and the need that stays empty. We, or at least I, keep trying to find a way to fullfill it. I'm not sure if that is as messed up as it sounds or not?

Unrealistic Expectations: i feel like I am a victum of my own unrealistic expectations. By that i mean the visions and thoughts in my mind are not practical in the real world. For example, i see myself in a Master/slave relationship where i give up all my say over myself and give myself to the total control of my Master. I also see myself with what would be called a "sadistic" Master who wants and enjoys the ability to punish me at will and as much as he wants. But are these just the ideas of fantasy or can I find and be happy with something real and practical that is like my ideas, but allows me to do so safely and to also live and continue my normal life? I want the fantasy, but I'm not sure I could live with the reality. Does anybody else have the same problems? Am i thinking too much? For the Masters out there, do you have your own doubts from the Master side of things? I tend to think Masters have it all together and know what they want and how to get it. Am i wrong about that or is that part of how Masters are superior to slaves?

Expectations: i expect that as a slave, i will be used for labor and have household duties. i expect i will be used sexually as my master sees fit, with some limits set at the beginning. i expect i will be physically tortured, either as part of training or for my Master's pleasure. this doesn't mean i expect to be beaten senseless just because my Master knows he can do it, but i also understand every Master has a bit of the sadist in him, and i have to admit i am somehow attracted to this type of thing. so, i know the Master i find will do things to me that cause me pain and i expect i will be able to take it and be able to take more and more as time goes by. yes, i want a Master who will be my friend and my teacher as well as my "owner." But, in the end, i want my Master to be just that "master" over me, in every way.

What do I want? What am I looking for? These are two questions I am asked ALL THE TIME on this site and I never really have a good answer. So, I'm going to try and put into words what I am looking for and want from someone on a site like this. I know it will seem random and may not make much sense some times, but that's the only way I can answer a really complicated question.

To start, I definitely want a Master who likes men and like men's bodies. Not just the muscly or sexy parts, but the whole body, from the top of the head to the tips of the fingers and toes. When I say this, I mean I want a Master who will want to see, smell, feel and even taste all of me, every inch. And when he does this, I want him to like what he finds. To really enjoy knowing my body. I think that if I am going to be his property, I want him to take an interest in all of his property, all of its parts, all that makes me up. Anyway, this is just the beginning of my answer. I will add other entries as I have time. I guess next I will try to talk about my expectations and hopes for a physical Master/slave relationship.

I was reading some about a slave training/Master's training camp somewhere in northern va. Has anybody ever heard of such a thing before? Is it for real? Is it something "safe" to go to? I think they charge money to go. I wonder if it is something smart to do?Is it legal if it's true? Just askin.

Masculine or Effiminate slaves? Do most gay male Masters want their male slaves to be masculine or more feminine? From what I can tell, there is some preference for the more masculine slaves among Masters, but i'm not sure about that. If this is true, as a Master, what is your preference, or does it matter to you?

Master superiority/slave inferiority. I've been thinking about this issue some and wonder what the thinking is out there. Is the Master/dominant superior in some way to the submissive slave? The opposite side of that is whether the submissive slave is inferior to the Master? I find that some Masters believe they are in some way superior to slaves and that superiority gives them the right to be a Master. Just as the slave's inferiority makes them deserve being enslaved. Is there anything to this type of thinking? Is the Master in fact a superior man who by right can and should dominate an inferior slave? Does the slave owe his service to a superior man?

What do you Masters out there think about sharing your slave? I have been told by some Masters that the slave is for them only and they would never even think of sharing their slave with anyone else for any reason. One Master told me he would consider sharing his slave and letting other Masters use and even punish his slave. For me, from the point of view of a slave, I'm not sure how I feel, though I guess if my Master chose to share me, I would not have any say in the matter. But, if asked, I'm not sure I would have a problem with it. Has anyone tried a slave-sharing arrangement and had it work good? Thanks in advance for any responses. J

I want to thank everyone who has answered some of the questions in my journal. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has been kind and helpful with both their opinions and sharing their experience. I'm not sure what I expected, but I have been totally stoked by the quality and honesty of the people out there. So...I guess I want to thank you all for being there and telling me what you think. It has been a great experience for me! I am learing so much.

I've been chatting with somebody who seems like a fantastic Master, but I noticed he never uses the word love when talking about the slave he wants. He tells a lot about what he expects and even the bond that he wants to develop with his slave, but he never uses the "L" word.

On the other hands, I think slaves take openly about loving their Masters.

My question is, to a Master is love equal to power? A Master wants to take it from his slave, but to give the slave love would be to give him power. Is there anything to that, or am I off base here?

OK, I'm seeing a lot of Masters are interested in cum/orgaism control. These same Masters don't seem to be really intersted in using their slave for sex, but just like the sex control. What is that about? How much satisfaction can you get just by not allowing a slave to have a cum?

Question for today: Should a slave submit to unlimited beating? Does the fact that a slave is his Master's property give that Master the right to beat his slave without restraint? Why do you feel the way you do?

About Role Playing: I know role playing has a bad name with many people as it is not for real. People say, why do fantasy role play when you can do the real thing. I agree with that thinking, but, if you cannot -for whatever reason- do the "real thing," then I think role play can be a good learning tool.

As I am one of those people who want a real Master/slave relationship one day, but who is not yet ready to go there, I have been wanting to do some online role play to get some idea about how things work, how people think, what they expect. I did not have much luck finding someone, as like I said, most people are not interested in it (as can be seen by the lack of real role play in the chat rooms here).

But, I have recently done some role play with someone I met on this site and have found it very educational, both in how things work and how I react to the wants and needs of an online Master.

The Master I am working with is older and experienced. But even more, he has a great imagination and uses it to make the role play experience fun, interesting, educational, and yes, very sexy. He is the Master, but he knows for things to work, he needs to understand me and what makes me tick. As the slave, I need to understand what he likes and wants and do my best to make sure those things happen.

So, at least with this Master, I have found role play to be challanging and sexually stimulating. Yes, I know and realize this is only a shadow of what a real relationship can be, but for me, here and now, I am learning and understanding a good deal from online role play. And though it is not a real-life physical connection, it is still a connection man-to-man and mind-to-mind. I think that is a good thing.

I wonder if this is a good time to talk about my fantasies? The things that have always interested me, even when I did not understand my attraction to them?

My body: I'm 6'1" in my bare feet and weigh a little under 158 lbs. I try to work out 4 times a week and make that goal most of the time. I have a decent six pack, but I have to work hard at keeping it. My arms are pretty good, I can bench around 295. I run and play basketball, so my legs are in pretty good shape. My chest if firm as it is the easiest part of my body to to keep in shape using weights. I have what they call dark or dirty blond hair and not much in the way of body hair, just light blond hairs. Lately i've been exprimenting with facial hair and like it cause I think it gives me more of a chin.

My rant on chat rooms: Why are there no gay male bdsm role playing rooms? All of the chat rooms seem to have lurkers who just watch and the people who speak just make general and not very interesting conversation. I can't even stand to stay in one for more that 2 minutes because they are too boring. I know there are interesting people here, but they either do not go into the chat rooms, or if they do, the just make inane conversation. I mysef have never done online role play, but i'm interested in checking it out and maybe participating, but, i can't find one here.

My thoughts on torture. Some people call torture "training," which I suppose it is or can be as a Master is teaching the slave. On the other hand, I think a lot of Masters and slaves like torture itself. As for me, I think this is one of the parts of being a slave I am most eager to experience. And, I have to admit, I don't like the idea because the Master is using it to train me, I like it for a reason I can't explain or put into words. I only know the idea of being spread-eagled or hung by my wrists before a Master who will take his time torturing me, excites me like few other things. In thinking about this, I believe this is based on two parts of my personality. First, I like the idea of a man enjoying my body when I am helpless. I like the idea of him having so much power over me he can put me through any pain he wants and I will accept it. That's why I go to the gym and lift weights, not for health reasons, but because I want to appeal to a Master who likes my body and will enjoy both giving and watching me take the pain. Second, and I'm not sure of this, I think there may be something basically submissive in me that really wants to be dominated. This urge is so strong that the fact that I may be more powerful or physical that my dominator is not important. Instead, the thought of a Master who is smaller or less muscular/physical than myself excites me a great deal. I think that is because it feeds my need to be submissive and being submissive to someone weaker than me makes such a powerful contrast it is hard not to want. Hard not to think about as the ultimate in submission. Anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject now. Almost all are based on fantasy and may change when faced with more real situations.

Why I'm thinking I prefer older guys: My experience so far has been that older guys are more serious about what they call the "life style." They also seem more interested in having a "relationship" instead of just a slave to torture or push around. I know that this is over simplifying things and that many younger Dom types are also serious, but my sense is that older guys think more about the whole picture, not just the short-time hook-up. It's not all just about them. Anyway, that's what I'm thinking in general terms right now.

Thinking about submission and slavery: Does the fact that you are turned on by thinking about yourself being submission to another guy or being his slave mean you are really meant for that life style? Is it possible it is just fantasy for you and it is not/should not be a real life option for you? As I try to educate myself about sub/slavery things I find I don't know if I can trust the people I talk to and that some are just playing games while others are way too serious to start and expect a level of comfort and knowledge that I don't have. I wonder if other guys go through the same thing or is it just me?