- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Female Submissive, 49,  Walsall, United Kingdom
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But then, many years later, after her adventures in Wonderland, Alice happened quite by chance across a tall, bright blue box right in the middle of nowhere with a door in its front left ajar. She saw the words Police Public Call Box all in capital letters and was boggled as surely such a thing had not yet been invented? And besides, how on earth would all those policemen fit inside?

No one was in sight and she had long ago learned not to worry about things that had no logical explanation, so tentatively, with eyes wide, she stepped towards the doorway. However, the sight that met her eyes was not that which she had expected. The strange blue box was somehow larger on the inside!

Curiouser and curiouser! Cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English).

I dont do on-line

(Yup, this means that I dont take online punishment either. However, for those of you who are easily confused, the fact that I dont do on-line does not mean that I wont reply to polite messages. Try not to overthink it.)

Im not a slave (and nor do I have any wish to be). How can I be a slave when Im not owned? Think about it, (or google it if you dont understand). Therefore, if you call yourself master, or insist on others calling you so, we are unlikely to get on as more than just friends. Trust me on this.











 Submissive Female


 United Kingdom

 5' 7"






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

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Journal Entries:
4/21/2018 3:52:42 AM
With the inability now of being able to edit our profiles, or even to look at them, does this mean that no new profiles are being accepted/verified to this site?

I would ask Support, but their silence is deafening.

4/17/2018 11:07:54 AM
Before you comment on others imperfections, make damn sure you're perfect yourself.

4/14/2018 7:58:54 AM
By definition, a person cannot be a slave before they are owned.

Similarly, you can be submissive without being a slave.  However, you cannot be a slave without being submissive first.

4/10/2018 1:13:54 AM
I see the scammers are out in force this morning. No, I really don't want to join another website (or whatever) to like you there. Seriously? I don't like you here, why would I like you there? They're very easy to spot. Block them. Report their message as spam which deletes the message. If enough people do that they're blocked from messaging for a while at least.

4/4/2018 11:55:22 AM
If something keeps on happening to you again and again as it has happened with numerous other people before,  then take a step back and ask yourself why it's happening.

You are the common denominator.  Perhaps it's not 'them' after all, but you?

4/4/2018 11:46:51 AM
As I pointed out to the gentleman.

Just because someone identifies as submissive it doesn't mean that they are submissive to you.  Telling someone that they're not very submissive in a message to a complete stranger is not the way to win friends and influence people.  It's just stupid.

I'm a human being first and only a submissive when in a relationship with a person.  What is so difficult to understand about that?

Strange how they were ok with that until I ended the conversation.  Your response is exactly why some people block or ghost rather than end a conversation.  When someone says good luck in your search to you, the polite response is to just say thank you and move on.  You may even have saved yourself time and effort.  Not everyone will get on and that's ok.

I should listen to my gut.  I say in my profile, don't contact me if you're a master or looking for a slave as we won't get on.  Why was he surprised?

4/1/2018 11:59:42 AM
It is possible to view profiles before they're approved.  If you are publishing journals (which can be viewed from the home screen), it's not surprising people are viewing you.  You can't send a message to an unapproved profile, just as that profile can't message anyone.

I'm not a robot by the way, nor do I work for Collarspace.

3/31/2018 3:09:46 PM
Reading the journals, you are looking for a dominant, not a dominate.  Please learn the difference.

[Head desk]

3/28/2018 6:53:24 AM

There's a third word I've found, which if written as a word is removed from messages (and presumably journals)  It is: f.o.r.m

The list now contains:


When you're trying to be articulate and one of your words just disappears rendering your sentence as gobbledegook.  Yeah, that.

3/27/2018 5:06:30 AM


Gas lighting is something narcissists and abusers do to manipulate someone in order to control them.

As one male dom here put it in a message to me, presumably after reading my other gaslighting journal:

"Gas lighting is highly flattering if done properly. Could be quite romantic. And the possibility of an explosion no doubt adds a frisson to the encounter..."

Just. No.

No, no, no, no, no!

It should never, ever be acceptable to anyone to do this, or have this done to them.  Not even in a consenting relationship and if someone wants to do this with you then run a mile.  It won't end well.

Google it. It's a form of mental abuse.  Yes, seriously.

3/26/2018 3:17:11 AM
Not all submissives are slaves.

3/26/2018 1:35:21 AM
Wow, and I thought I'd seen it all on Collarspace but apparently not. Gas lighting as an asked for/interested in alongside other regular fetishes. I don't know whether to laugh, or cry. Hard limit.

3/25/2018 6:50:25 AM
D&D free always makes me think of Dungeons and Dragons lol....

However, It's always good to advertise sexual safety.  

You can get a free 'anonymous' check up for STI's, HepB, HIV etc at your local GUM clinic/sexual health clinic.

Insist that anyone you are intimate with can prove their status.  Never just take anyone's word for it that they are 'negative'.  People lie.

3/23/2018 3:30:47 AM
So, so many different and sometimes conflicting opinions on here.  Perhaps everything you read should really begin with, 'in my opinion'.

BDSM is one of those things that has multiple meanings to multiple people.

If you're not sure, listen to your gut.  It's your self defence mechanism kicking in.  

If something seems too good to be true, it usually is.

Find someone neutral who you can talk to and ask for a second/third opinion.

The only wrong question in this respect is a question not asked.

3/17/2018 10:03:49 AM
Gotta laugh at the references on here to 'loosers' lol

Er, I think the word you're actually looking for is loser.

Say what you mean and mean what you say has never been so apt!

3/14/2018 8:19:06 AM
How difficult is it to proof read posts before hitting the Save changes button and publishing?  This also goes for profiles, not just journals.

Just one word spelt incorrectly/missed out can alter the whole context of your message.  

Laziness isn't an attractive trait in anyone.

3/13/2018 9:36:41 AM
lol gotta love all the ification, ifys, and deions in the journals/profiles.

That would be:




And all variants of those two basic words which cannot be written on here.

Does no one ever proof read what they have written?  That would be a no then :-/

Why does de.s.c.r.i.p.t.ion sometimes appear properly but other times modify itself to deion?  I've tried various combinations and places within a sentence or a word on its own and can't find the answer.

I miss the message boards.

3/13/2018 5:08:33 AM
If your profile says "will update this later", or words to that effect; It's later!  It's time to do that update!  To still have those words years after creating your profile is just plain lazy and not the impression you're trying to create I'm sure.... (although anything is possible on here it seems).

3/12/2018 6:47:05 AM
UK Government Delays XXX Verification Scheme - From Today's Sun:

3/11/2018 7:44:13 AM

A person is dominant, not dominate.

Dominant is what you are.

Dominate is what you do.

Why is this so difficult for some to understand?

3/11/2018 6:29:24 AM
When you actually start looking, it's surprising how many people on here have more than one profile and I'm not talking here about legitimate second profiles if you're a switch but don't want to actively advertise that fact.

I was talking to one man who confessed he has created several female sub profiles on here in order to 'have fun'.

Another had several so he could bypass the block button.

I have just the one profile.  I have a life (unlike some on here), and no time to play stupid games.

3/10/2018 2:24:30 AM
Impulsion bound tonight. Can't wait, It's going to be awesome!

3/9/2018 4:40:04 AM
If in your first message you tell me that I am owned by you then I will label you a delusional dimwit and laugh at you with the mirth you deserve.

3/8/2018 3:30:38 AM
Why do people have more than one profile on here? After talking to a gentleman last night at the Birmingham mid week munch who has several, I'm less likely to take anyone seriously on here and just scrolling through the Who's online list throws up several profiles that I know are of the same person. Who are you trying to fool? N.B. I am talking about male dominant profiles but it may as well be any. All genders do it.

3/8/2018 2:13:41 AM
Is there a way to remove admirers? The only way I can see to do it is via blocking (then unblocking) them.

3/5/2018 2:35:37 AM
They should rename this site: Kinky shaggers.

3/5/2018 2:20:47 AM
You know, that message you 'deleted unread', we all know you read it before you deleted it right? You only have to place the cursor on the message to read it without opening it. If it hadn't been a polite no thank you, if it had been a positive response you'd have been in there like a shot with another message.

3/2/2018 3:55:35 AM
Time to look at acquiring a VPN. How many UK registered profiles are on here....? It's April 28th when the new UK law changes regarding age verification on sites containing pornography. It will be interesting to see who is still here.

3/1/2018 1:32:24 AM
Yes of course, as a female submissive, I can think of nothing I'd rather do than dominate a male slave who sends me a cut and paste message wondering if I fancy a change! For clarity, I'm being sarcastic. Don't be that desperate.

2/28/2018 9:31:02 AM
Careful, your prejudice is showing.

2/28/2018 7:21:12 AM
If you block someone, does it stop their profile name from appearing in 'Who's viewing me'?

2/27/2018 11:30:42 AM
What is one persons limit is anothers starting point.

2/27/2018 7:51:08 AM
I can't believe I have to actually say this, but apparently I do.

Hard limits are non negotiable.

No, I won't change my mind about them.

2/26/2018 3:26:26 PM
The UK will block online porn from April. Here's what we know:

2/26/2018 1:58:21 AM
If you don't message someone because you assume they are inundated with messages, you might miss out.

2/24/2018 10:40:10 AM
Yeay, they have fixed the issue with the return key and we can write messages with paragraphs again.  Thanks Collarspace! :)

2/21/2018 3:40:48 AM
Sometimes, how ever hard you try, you still have a [head desk] moment.

2/20/2018 9:13:09 AM
There seems to be quite a few people who are 'dominate' about.....

You're not dominate, you're dominant.  Dominate is what you do (or what you'd like to do anyway).

2/20/2018 3:52:12 AM
Does anyone else on here actually report the technical issues we are all facing on this site with messaging?

2/19/2018 7:59:17 AM
Intelligence is attractive.

2/19/2018 6:10:55 AM
What are the logistics of keeping someone bound when not in use?  Doesn't circulation (or lack of) become an obvious problem?  When someone has nerve damage as a result of  ineptitude by the person doing the tying, are they just cast aside?

[edited to add: Thank you everyone for your messages explaining about circulation and other things to look out for including numbness/tingling.  After reading one too many profiles where men want to keep their 'victims' tightly bound and gagged when not in use, my question was rather rhetorical.  Your messages are appreciated all the same.]

2/18/2018 8:19:06 AM
He said in his 2nd message that he 'was in no doubt that I wouldn't put this in my journal', so I thought I better had.  The messages are unadulterated.  Obviously, I have changed his name to protect his privacy.  I'd hate him to receive any timewasting messages lol.

Delusional dimwit No.2 on 2/18/18 at 1:32 AM:

Ref your journal entries, the question to you is why have numerous profiles just to complain about fake profiles. You must be a sad lonely man or a frustrated spinster

Aliceinwebland on 2/18/18 at 1:51 AM

I only have the one profile here.  Why on earth would you think I have 'numerous profiles'?

Delusional dimwit No.2 on 2/18/18 at 1:56 AM:

Proves you have a bad memory, almost exact words you used from your other profiles. I note yet again you do not question the other points of my message. I have no doubt you will not put this on your journal, but if you do it will be altered to suit your sad complaints

Aliceinwebland on 2/18/18 at 1:59 AM:

Would love you to list these other profiles I supposedly own.

Delusional dimwit No.2 on 2/18/18 at 1:59 AM:

Why list what you know

Aliceinwebland on 2/18/18 at 2:00 AM:

But if I knew, I wouldn't ask.  I really do think you've mixed me up with someone else.

Delusional dimwit No.2 on 2/18/18 at 2:03 AM:

I have not mixed you up, asking what other profiles is a give away

Aliceinwebland on 2/18/18 at 2:04 AM:

Feel free to report all profiles to Support.  I'm sure they'll sort out your complaint for you :)

Delusional dimwit No.2 on 2/18/18 at 2:09 AM:

No way, support is a waste of time, after all you and your other profiles are on the fake warning profiles, on here for 6 years, journals full of complaints, point proved I think

Aliceinwebland on 2/18/18 at 9:22 AM:

They are?  Can you please link me to these fake warning profiles?  I'm entirely curious now and would love to see this for myself.  Sorry but it's not point proved.  You've delivered no proof, you've proved nothing.  I don't know, you won't list these other profiles I'm supposed to have either..... No, wait.... You can't list them because they don't exist!  I'm curious (and because I keep messages), when we briefly exchanged messages in August last year, why didn't you mention this then?  Until you can prove what you say, you're just wasting my time and that makes you a timewaster.  How ironic!

Delusional dimwit No.2 Deleted my message to them, unread

Aliceinwebland on 2/18/18 at 12:19 PM:

And you deleted my last message unread, lol! I think we've established that you have no proof (because it doesn't exist), and you're a timewaster. Like I said, how ironic.

Delusional dimwit No.2 Deleted my message to them, unread

2/18/2018 6:07:32 AM
Don't believe everything people tell you on here. For instance, I read one journal earlier that said chlamydia wasn't curable when in fact chlamydia is fully curable with antibiotics. Do your own research. Most importantly though, stay safe.

2/18/2018 2:03:45 AM
Apparently I have multiple profiles on here (according to one person who messaged me last night), which would make me "a sad lonely man or a frustrated spinster", of which I am neither.

I have just this one profile even though they tell me I have more (yet can't/won't list the others).

So I'm curious and I'd appreciate it very much if people could please message me politely and directly with the name(s) of any profile(s) that you've seen my profile name associated with, in journal entries, or suspect that they are a multiple profile of mine.  This could include similar names, wording etc.  If someone is using my profile text I can at least report them, and if you would too, that would be very much appreciated, thank you.

Bearing in mind that I keep all my messages, apparently I've been having conversations with this person too (on the multiple profiles I don't own).... wait, perhaps that's why I don't have any recollection of them, and there's no proof that they exist, because they don't.

To reiterate, I have just this one profile on here (with it's exact copy on Fetlife).  I cannot be held responsible for imitations/copies.

2/13/2018 3:02:09 AM
Why have a female submissive profile that claims to be 18 if you write in the b l u r b that you're a forty year old couple?

2/11/2018 2:31:42 AM
If your last journal entry was three years ago, it might be time for a new one.  Use all the facilities available to you to improve your chances.  Is your age correct?  It needs to be updated manually every year.   Is your profile up to date?  Have you proof read it for errors?  Everyone has access to a spell checker, grammar is a little bit more tricky but not impossible to get right.  It just takes time.  Don't be lazy.  Present yourself in the best possible light for maximum effect.

2/10/2018 7:41:23 AM
How does anyone have the time to maintain four different profiles on here?

You do realise they all show up one after another in 'Journals' don't you?

2/10/2018 4:52:28 AM
Once again, dominant vs dominate.

You are dominant not dominate.

Dominant is who you are.

Dominate is what you do.

2/7/2018 3:34:40 AM
Digital Economy Act 2017.

Age Verification in the UK

Know the facts.

2/7/2018 1:09:36 AM
Gotta love sexist twatbadgers. Bored much? Lol!

2/6/2018 7:36:30 AM
Proof read your posts.  If you want to put a clear message across, then be clear in what you type.  Always read back what you've posted and amend as necessary.  It's not rocket science.

2/5/2018 9:34:29 AM
Cirque de Chaos Presents... 'St Valentine's Day Massacre'  This Sunday!  I can't wait!  Who else is coming?

2/5/2018 4:54:24 AM
If your first message to me is, "you have kids? " regardless of whether you lie about that profile picture being you (and no, it's not you), I will report your ass to Support.

Quite happy to pass the name on privately.  Let's all stick together to make this site safer.

2/5/2018 4:27:10 AM
Gotta love TinEye.

Reverse image search.  Search by the image and find where that image appears online.

2/4/2018 12:33:50 PM
Maybe if everyone reported the problems with messaging to Support they'd get so fed up with it that they'd actually fix the problem? :-\

2/4/2018 5:42:22 AM
How do you tell someone politely that they're dominant, not dominate when they only see you as submissive and not a human being? That's right, you don't.

2/4/2018 4:30:03 AM
Life is an echo.

What you send out, comes back.

What you sow, you reap.

What you give, you get.

What you see in others, exists in you.


Why don't more people understand this?

2/4/2018 3:07:50 AM
If you don't want the all too common now 'br /br /' appearing in what you write, remove your paragraphing from messages.  Unfortunately Collarspace seems to want us all to write without using line spacing/paragraphing.  It makes a message more difficult to read but as rather a lot of people only ever write one word/one sentence (at a push) they'll never notice.

Journals don't seem to be effected.

1/27/2018 5:31:12 AM
To those who state that they won't do anything illegal yet are describing themselves as into SM....  Yeah, did you not think that one through?  

The Spanner Trust exists to defend the rights of sadomasochists of all sexual orientations and specifically to reverse the UK court ruling which made certain SM activities illegal even though all parties consent.

Their website gives lots of useful information and education here is of paramount importance.

1/26/2018 8:53:52 AM
'In my opinion' should be inserted before most sweeping statements on here.

1/25/2018 12:08:27 PM

So, I thought I'd try a new tactic with the pre recorded 'I believe you've had an accident in the last few days' phone calls that I've been receiving and responded with an enthusiastic and cheerful Absolutely!

The pre recorded reply surprised me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," They said, "I'll remove your details."

and then they hung up!

Wait, what......? I think I've cracked it!

1/25/2018 8:42:55 AM
UK plans age verification for porn websites from April 2018:

1/23/2018 8:29:29 AM
Has anyone ever had a reply from Support?

1/23/2018 5:12:25 AM
Gotta love the profiles that say they're not looking for fakes/timewasters etc...

Obviously. (said in the voice of the late, but great Alan Rickman)

1/23/2018 4:28:27 AM
Liking the changes that have been made to Collarspace, especially Resources. (Just need everyone to pay attention and some to change habits of a lifetime now :-/).


I've finally gone mad..... where are the message boards?

[edited to add] when I click on the 'view forum posts' on any profile where it appears, it takes me back to the home page.

Missing in action/glitching/removed or just down whilst they're being updated/fixed/whatevered?

1/21/2018 8:25:57 AM
Quick straw poll.

If someone looks at your profile, do you expect them to message you?

[edited to add: I don't expect anyone to message me just to say that they've looked at my profile/journals.  If you would like to message then great.  However, it really isn't necessary.  I will assume that if you had seen anything of interest, you would have messaged me.]

1/21/2018 7:06:06 AM
Is the 'hide' profile function not working for anyone else?

1/21/2018 2:14:07 AM
The amount of dominants on here who think that anyone who identifies as submissive/slave is automatically submissive to them is ridiculous. Have you heard of a little thing called consent?  Hello people?  Not everyone works the same way on here and to avoid offending someone it's better to always check.

Remember, if a dominant cannot control themselves, how can they be expected to control anyone else?

Don't even get me started on those who claim that subs are topping from the bottom outside of a negotiated relationship.  Someone needs a reality check.  What?  It's your way or the highway?  That would be why you're still looking then.

Submissives, like dominants, are human beings first and foremost.  You can't have one without the other.  Are you dominant or domineering?

1/20/2018 9:26:21 AM
It's the BBB tomorrow!

1/20/2018 9:23:13 AM
On Collarspace, the word de sc r i p t ion changes to deion once you press send.  The same applies to ob ject which disappears entirely lol.

It's to stop malicious sc ript.

1/9/2018 7:19:49 AM
When was the last time you updated your age on here?

It doesn't do it automatically.

1/8/2018 8:34:43 AM
The Walsall pub munch is on Wednesday January 10th.  It's going to be another great night! Looking forward to having a laugh with likeminded people.  Full details are on Fetlife.

1/8/2018 4:08:43 AM
Married men on here complaining that no one here is honest?  Oh the irony!

1/7/2018 2:56:35 AM
SSC isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Safe, sane and consensual....

BDSM isn't safe and surely half the things asked for cannot possibly be considered sane but consensual, yes.  It must always be consensual play between consenting adults.  

RACK is better.  Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

Risk aware.  Accidents happen.  BDSM isn't safe all the time.  There are some riskier elements to it such as heavy impact play, knife play, breath play.  The important thing is to know the risk and understand that sometimes things go wrong.  It's important to know what to do when something does go wrong and act accordingly and responsibly.

Consensual kink.  If you haven't given consent and something happens to you that you don't want to happen to you, understand that yes, you can go to the police.  They have specially trained officers who will deal sympathetically with your complaint.  Never be afraid to stand up for what is right.  Consensual non consent is still consenting.  If it's negotiated properly.

1/6/2018 6:46:38 AM

As all profiles here are fully searchable without logging in, and you don't need an account on Collarspace to search profiles, all and sundry can see your profile and pictures.

I no longer have any personal pictures on here.  I suggest, if you value your privacy, you remove any identifying pictures of yourselves too.

To reiterate, you do not have to be logged in to search profiles on here.


1/5/2018 6:16:55 AM
I value integrity and honesty before submission.

If that is not acceptable to you, don't message me.

1/5/2018 1:33:23 AM
To the well educated on here, who boast of going to both public school and university, either proof read your profile/journals, or, learn how to use spell check and the differences between your and you're, there, their and they're and whilst you're at it, to, two and too. Everyone else, carry on.

1/3/2018 9:34:46 AM

So, out of the blue, this message lands in my bulk folder (I've changed their names, obviously):

From: Delusional dimwit

Contact [name removed]

From Me:


Contact them yourself.

From: Delusional dimwit

do as you are told, you have been purchased and you have no choice, if you did not want to be a slave, you just had to find another site

From Me:

I'm not a slave.

Can't you read?

And no, I have not been purchased.

I always have a choice.

Good grief, you're delusional lol.

From: Delusional dimwit

you will do as you are told little pawn

From Me:

Make me.

From: Delusional dimwit

I am making you

From Me:

If I roll my eyes any more at you, they will disappear into the back of my head.

From Delusional dimwit:

shut up and submit

From Me:


From: Delusional dimwit

drink an energy drink

From Me:

Does your approach actually work on people?

From: Delusional dimwit

google my frigin name clown

there are 200 000 people competing for my name in google, but I suppose you know nothing about keyword competition

now stop your tantrums and submit to us

From Me:

Google the name of a delusional dimwit?

Nope, got better things to do thanks.

From: Delusional dimwit


..... and they blocked me.


I'm left wondering whether I'd have found a virus on my computer if I'd googled their name/clicked on the link....

Have I missed something, what is keyword competition? Yeah, they got me with that one, I have no idea lol.

Yes, I could have blocked them, but I was kinda curious where they were going with it. I don't really get spammed by 'women' or people pretending to be women at least. Ah well, kept me occupied for two minutes so no loss there.

1/3/2018 6:10:05 AM
On here, I don't believe in coincidence.

Think twice before you message me from multiple profiles, I will always find you out.

1/3/2018 4:27:09 AM
If you are the sort of person who cannot take a polite no for an answer without deleting the message unread, or responding negatively, then don't waste your time messaging me.  You are definitely not the kind of person I'm looking for.

12/29/2017 5:05:37 AM
Remember, not everyone is here for the same reasons that you are.  Some are here just looking for friendship, or to learn more about BDSM.  Just because their wants don't mirror yours doesn't make them fake, or a time waster.  If unsure, ask.

12/27/2017 4:46:38 AM
Just in case it's not obvious from my profile, I'm not a 'girl'.  I'm a 49 year old woman.  Outside of a negotiated relationship, good girl is something you just say to a dog.

12/24/2017 1:26:53 AM
If you have nothing nice to say in a first message to a complete stranger, you do realise that speaks volumes about you, not them, don't you? Manners cost nothing and yet still you have none? If this is the only pleasure you have in life then I feel very sorry for you. Merry Christmas and I hope Santa brings you a pair of balls.

12/23/2017 2:16:41 PM
I am definitely not interested in DD/lg or anything related to such.

Call me lil girl and the conversation is over.

10/11/2017 9:12:51 AM
If a dominant or master asks you sign a slave contract or anything of that nature it is worth remembering that slavery is illegal and the contract is not worth the paper it's written on.  If you are being threatened with legal action if you break your contract call their bluff.

Never be too scared to go to the police.  They are trained to deal with BDSM issues and are very understanding.  You can ask to speak to a female police officer.

For legal help you can contact

10/11/2017 3:29:15 AM
For the people interested in allowing a complete stranger to take over their computer: Just don't.

Can you be absolutely sure that they're not just after your banking details?

If you wouldn't give them your bank card and pin number (and banks do suggest that you trust no one else with these details), then don't trust them with your life.

Sometimes you have to take common sense over self gratification.

10/10/2017 8:43:59 AM
You are a dominant, not a dominate.  Dominate is what you do, not who you are.

Head desk.

10/10/2017 6:56:01 AM
Anyone with misogynist or abuser or suchlike in their profile name.... yeah, they're gonna be the man of your dreams.  Girls (and boys), c'mon!  Don't make it so easy for people to mess you up.  Seriously, take a reality check.

10/10/2017 6:52:02 AM
Cs has another glitch.

Sometimes when you look at profiles it shows up in red that you have new messages and/or new admirers but you don't.  It's usually with profiles that have pictures.

It doesn't let you send a message from the who's viewing me page either, comes up with No profile found.

10/5/2017 12:04:39 PM
Apparently cs has a glitch.  The word d e s c r i p t i o n changes to deion once you press send.

A friend of mine has this explanation which makes total sense:

It's evidently a half-assed attempt to protect against malicious code by stripping the word   ''s c r i p t". See also: forums where people appear to use the words 'clbuttic' and 'buttume' frequently. Makes me wonder what other filtering blunders they have.

NB. It is impossible to type s c r i p t and have it  appear in sent messages/profiles/journals etc on collarspace without spacing it out.

10/5/2017 11:13:43 AM
Why do some d types insist in speaking on third person?

You do realise it makes you sound egotistical, right? (Not just my opinion, google it).

You wouldn't write your cv in third person so why do so on here?

10/4/2017 8:28:31 AM
Why do people send complete strangers who they have never met and will never converse with 'invite to friends' requests?

Seriously, I'm interested. I'd really like to know.

Unless I know someone, and by know someone I mean that I've met them on several occasions and like them, I don't accept friends requests.

I don't want to be in a complete strangers 'circle of friends'.

WTF is a circle of friends anyway, is it a 'Meet the Fockers' reference?

Is there a difference between all the different friends requests?

Answers on a postcard please.

All random friends requests will be rejected.

10/1/2017 1:52:23 PM
I once had a long and interesting conversation on here with a D type and everything was going swimmingly until I used a single word that he strongly objected to.  Apparently he wasn't interested in anyone who used the word cool. Yep, cool.



There's nowt so queer as folk.

His loss entirely and definitely a lucky escape for me!

9/30/2017 10:16:31 AM
Revelation of the day.

How to stop all and sundry messaging you with no profiles and their annoying messages that just say hi (if you're lucky)?

Write.  Have a profile that makes them think.  Write in your journal.  It makes them think you actually might know a thing or two.  Ta Dah!  No more annoying messages.  Scoop!

9/30/2017 7:47:00 AM
How many people have actually read the Terms Of Service (TOS) or even the Privacy Policy of this website?

You should, if only to protect yourself.

Did you know that if you give your profile password to someone else that you are breaking the TOS of this website?

Did you know that if you name someone in your profile/journal and criticize that named person you are breaking the TOU?

Read the Collarspace User Guide (Nope, I didn't know it was there either lol).

There's also a very useful Help section in the index on the left hand side of your screen.

Knowledge is the key to staying safe.

9/30/2017 6:17:37 AM
Discreet vs discrete.

Make sure you know the difference and use the right one.

9/30/2017 5:30:25 AM
It can't just be me surely?

I can't be the only one who wonders about how someone can expect honesty and integrity and in the next sentence claim that they are open to having affairs with married people.  That majority of married people are not here with the knowledge of their partners.  If they are not honest with them, how can you expect them to be honest with you?

Horses for courses, I know that.

Trust is huge within BDSM.

Apparently, so are hypocrites.

9/30/2017 3:37:26 AM

Bondage and discipline

Dominance and submission

Sadism and Masochism

That's what I was taught BDSM stood for.  No where in that acronym does it say sex, although we all know that sex is something that is enjoyed alongside BDSM.

But then, there are a lot of 'kinky shaggers' on here.

If that's just your thing, be honest about it.  Do not promise the world and then withhold it.

9/30/2017 3:00:35 AM
Look at your profile as if it's your cv and how much work did you put into that?  I know, a lot right?  Probably hours and hours of work if it's a good one.  You have to word it a certain way, show your skills, spelling and grammar are expected to be correct.

You wouldn't say "I'm young but that doesn't mean I am inexperienced."

Being young certainly doesn't mean that you're inexperienced.  Experience isn't just for old people.  Still, you wouldn't put that on your cv.

Be positive.

Some people write, "I'm really no good at writing these things, will fill out later."

I'm sorry, but that's lazy and unimaginative.  Do you think that may be why you're still looking?  Plus, some of those profiles have said that for years without being updated. They say to me that you are LAZY. Run away!

If you don't sell yourself, no one is going to be interested in you.  Would you be interested in a profile like that?

Might be an idea to stop with the woe is me journal entries too.

Negativity breeds negativity.  So be positive.  Positive people are attractive.

9/29/2017 9:34:19 AM
So, I've been chatting quite informally to a chap on here who identifies as dominant.  Just normal chit chat, like you'd talk to a vanilla person.

Fair enough, he's mostly been polite although his manners could do with some improvement.  It costs nothing to say please, or thank you and it's surprising how much more you're willing to do for someone you don't know/isn't a friend when they use their manners.

After all, manners maketh man.

When we last communicated he told me he was too lazy to look up when events were talking place and that it was so much easier if I did it and alarm bells started to go off in my head.  I told him he was lazy and he agreed and apologised.

Today, he messaged again. "Alice, what's on this weekend?"

Wait, what? Am I his personal oracle?  I think not.

Then after a few more messages he pulled this out of the hat. "Alice I am a Dom and this is your task to please me."

Yeaaaahhhhh.....  Really?

So I laughed.  I really laughed out loud.  Well, actually I roflamo'ed which he had to look up so I gave him a gold star seeing as he'd learned how to look something up.  Yeay.

So, he came back with, "A submissive should never laugh at her Dom but adoringly worship."

And so, it had to be said, "You're not my dom. We're not even friends ."

I didn't want to block him but after a few more one line messages I wasn't absolutely sure whether I was actually the bored Friday entertainment so I deleted his last message unread and blocked him.

His belief that he could speak to me that way is what I hate about collar space.

You may identify as dominant, but no, you can't treat me with any less respect because of that.  I'm not submissive until I have a dominant and we have negotiated terms.

So, if you are rude, arrogant, entitled or just plain delusional do yourself a favour and don't contact me.

9/28/2017 3:14:05 AM
Generally profiles on here don't just disappear.

They get reported for whatever reason (illegal content, criticising other named profile users, spamming, jealousy/bitterness etc) and after they have been reported a certain amount of times, they're removed.

Tah dah!

No big mystery.

It was probably time for a rewrite anyway.

There are too many profiles on here that say, 'I don't know why my profile was deleted.  I'll fill this in when I get a chance'.

No you won't.  Eight years later it will still say that!

Your profile is a chance to sell yourself.

You will only get out of it what you're prepared to put in so put something on it, just a few words but make it personal to you.  You wouldn't send a blank cv to a company and expect to get a job interview now would you.  The same applies here. 

9/26/2017 7:52:56 AM
I am curious about the concept of 'no limits'

Me, I have limits.  Basic ones like scat (hygiene reasons), no permanent marking (tattoos/scars/etc), no specific body mods (amputation play anyone?), death....  that would be pretty rubbish.

There are others, but I'll discuss them with interested parties should we ever get to that point in conversation.

My point is, everyone has (should have) limits.

Just because you think a limit is stupid (see the death limit), doesn't mean it actually is stupid.  There are some very strange people in the world with some very strange kinks.

Play safe people.

9/25/2017 8:46:22 AM
We need to get away from using the term 'abuse/abused/abuser' and adopt something more kink friendly.

How can we make vanilla people understand that BDSM isn't abuse when we ourselves are using that very term?

9/24/2017 3:42:34 AM
Haters gotta hate... You know the messages I mean. The ones that ring alarm bells and that's before you've even opened them. Sometimes they're so subtle you're not absolutely sure they qualify but yeah, after you've replied and a new message is sent you wonder why you didn't just delete and block. Well guess what? You're a polite, decent person and haters just gotta hate all things good. They really must have such miserable lives that trying to make others as unhappy as they are is all they can do in life. Sad. Report. Delete. Block.

9/23/2017 2:53:19 AM
Negativity breeds negativity.

Instead of complaining that the same old losers are always on here, why not do something proactive?

If Mohammed won't come to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed.  Quite a useful idiom here.  if someone will not come to you, you have to go to them.  Stop waiting for someone new to turn up on that list and make a new list, make new chances for yourself.

Being judgemental about the kind of people on here is not a smart move.  You yourself are on here.  Who are you to judge others?  You sweep everyone up with the same brush because you can see no further than your nose.

Be tolerant of others.  You don't know their story.

Arrogance and entitlement are absolute turn offs for most people, probably for you too.  Do yourself a favour and look in the mirror next time you spout off about other people.  Do you like what you see?

9/21/2017 8:29:14 AM
To reiterate:

I keep all messages that I receive and send on here.

If I have sent a thanks but no thanks message, it's not uncommon for me to be messaged  several more times, with the same cut and paste first message.

From now on to avoid this and save us both some time, I will be blocking anyone I send a Thanks for your message but no thank you to.

9/20/2017 4:55:15 AM

Who am I & what does my submission mean to me….?

It is a rare but wonderful chance to escape from the stresses, strains and responsibility of the real world, for a short while at least. It is such an amazing feeling to have the weight lifted (if only temporarily) from my shoulders. To exist for a period of time within the parallel universe of BDSM where my only stress is a stress position perhaps in predicament bondage. My only worry; Their pleasure. Am I pleasing Them enough? Am I still capable of more?

I crave the chance to give up control. It keeps me on an even keel. I like thrills. I love risk (RACK). I adore the knot in my stomach feeling that apprehension and anticipation create. String! A marvellous thing is string. I enjoy the warm feeling I get inside by pleasing someone and their praise feels good too. Surprisingly I actually enjoy being caged when not in use! I love wearing bruises and marks with pride but only where they can't be seen, but 'we' both know that they're there. I like to an extent, pain, uncertainty, doubt, threat…. They wouldn't really do that to me…. would they…..? I enjoy very much the memos and messages, the texts, the chats, then the anticipation and apprehension of the first meet. First meets are amazing! I like rules and I like them to be reinforced. I don't on the whole like choice. I love to be challenged though. It'd be nice to actually find something I don't want to do…. (Ha Ha…. be very careful what you wish for……).

I have to remember to breathe…… Sometimes it takes my breath completely away, this roller coaster ride that I've found myself on. But finally, I've gotten hold of the brake and it's time to slow down a little. I've had an amazing start, and have played with some very special people. They have each taught me something unique about my kink and more importantly about myself. It's been an amazing seven and a half years of kink. It really couldn't have been better other than it would have been rather nice to share it with just one person: Maybe…… It will be very interesting to see what new experiences are out there. Onwards and upwards.

9/18/2017 9:05:14 AM
Think a picture on here of a person is too good to be true?

Try tineye


google image search

9/18/2017 3:40:06 AM
I keep all of my messages unless they are offensive/spam and then they're reported and deleted.

The current cut off point for keeping messages is one year and it's quite a useful thing to do with the amount of third, forth and even fifth 'first messages' I get from certain individuals.

Before I send a message I always check to see if I've sent a previous message within the last year, and if so, what if any the response was.  There is little point in flogging a dead horse.

And you just delete my message back to you, unread.....  That's your prerogative but not only have you wasted your time, you've wasted my time too.

If someone messages  you with a no thank you or simply ignores your message then block them or hide them.  That way you are less likely to make work for yourselves by messaging the same person twice or more. 

In the meantime, it's obviously time to start blocking more.  There is no taboo surrounding the block button.  It's there for good reason.

9/17/2017 10:28:00 AM
Topping from the bottom.....

I hate that phrase.  It should be banned and replaced with: communicating honestly and openly.

9/16/2017 1:28:23 PM
How do you clean/sterilise your toys/instruments of torture?

Yeah, you are supposed to clean them.

Antibacterial sprays/Dettol etc are good.  Use kitchen roll also as it's disposable.

Do you know the difference between steel plated and surgical steel?  I know I can't tell by just looking but as a rule of thumb, a lot of the cheaper items you can buy aren't surgical steel.  Sometimes it pays to pay just that little bit extra.  If an item is steel plated sometimes the plate can flake off and then it shouldn't be used.

Surgical steel should be sterilised ideally in an autoclave but boiling items usually works fine.  Be careful when removing items and transfer them using something sterile.  Always sterilise personal items such as sounds before and after use.

When using a whip, don't let the cracker/fall touch the floor.  In fact, don't let anything you're using touch the floor otherwise you could risk introducing infection/dirt into your partners body if you play hard enough to break the skin.  Pinwheels for example only need to be lightly drawn across the skin to break it.

I have a friend who cleans all her dildo's and plugs in the dishwasher but obviously not when anything else is in there lol.  Make sure anything you put in the dishwasher is safe to go in there and always remember to remove items before your mother/mother in law drops round!

9/16/2017 8:50:08 AM
I'll be at the BBB tomorrow socialising with friends and networking, shall stay for Aftermath too.  For anyone new that wants to go along to the BBB there's a meet and greet especially for you.  They meet in the foyer at 12.30 and then will be shown around the BBB and introduced to stall holders and people alike.  It's great if you're a bit nervous, or even if you're not.  There's also a pre-BBB munch thing being held at the Wetherspoons just around the corner.  I may catch the end of that.

9/16/2017 2:57:49 AM
Ughh, I despair of this place at times.

It has been pointed out to me by someone in America this morning that my profile quote is snarky and this obviously means I'm a princess.  I really need to stop reading the stuff that goes straight into my bulk mail folder, kinda defeats the object.....

Actually it's not snarky and I'm not a princess (well, not today anyway and that's Miss Princess to you Mr American Snarky Pants lol).  It was supposed to be motivational, but then I suppose it depends whether you really are someone who never gets out from behind your keyboard and wishes you were someone else.  For those, the door will never knock.

Get out there and enjoy your lives.  Don't wait for opportunity to knock.  Chase it.  Chase the dream.

9/15/2017 11:14:13 AM
If I've looked at your profile then it might be because you looked at mine or something caught my eye about your picture/profile and I've had a look to satisfy my curiosity.  It's not being nosey, it's being interested.  I don't message every profile I look at either.  I'm curious.  Look at my profile name.  Speaks for itself :)

It is not some secret code for 'You must now message me'.

Chatting to a few people on here who seem to 'know' about some secret code that exists.  Apparently, if you look at someone's profile it really means that you want them to contact you.

Good grief, I haven't got time to play games.  If you want to talk to me then message me.  I'm not psychic.

Where's the area where all the adults sit?

9/15/2017 8:13:19 AM
If you block someone/ask them not to contact you again and they then use a second account/sock puppet account to contact you, that is stalking and also a breach of this sites TOU.

9/14/2017 10:06:02 AM
I was asked why I seem to know so much about the law and BDSM.

You need to know the law and you need to know your rights before taking part in particular in S&M activities.  Under UK law, you cannot consent to being harmed.

Also educate yourselves about what porn/photos you can and can't legally possess.  Don't get caught out!

Backlash UK is an organisation that defends freedom of sexual expression among consenting adults in the UK. They provide legal, academic and campaigning advice. Their website is:

N.B. This isn't a bash BDSM post.  Forearmed is forewarned.  Know your rights.

9/13/2017 4:53:51 AM
When was the last time you got yourself tested for STI's?

Take control of your own sexual health.

9/12/2017 9:42:07 AM
You won't find what you are looking for sitting behind a computer screen telling people what you think they want to hear.

Get out there, meet people at munches and events.  Be real.

Much better to chase a dream rather than sitting at home waiting for it to knock on your door.

9/12/2017 2:34:29 AM
There are an awful lot of people on here suffering from delusional disorder.

Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness called a "psychosis" in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. The main feature of this disorder is the presence of delusions, unshakable beliefs in something untrue or not based on reality.

Unfortunately the person suffering with delusions won't usually know that they are delusional.

The official website for the mental health charity Mind is:

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