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MAN4specialwoman
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If you dare you can start understand me
(note tis is a second profile I have been told this one is hidden even though it is not
spicy4MTPE is the other here)
by reading the below
Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien
To have me you have to possess me I have to internalize you
Are you ready to have your soul feed are you
a sadist that need to be feed with service ,devotion, love, obedience,loyalty ?
are you read for that kind of intmanancy ?
Are you seeking you next relationship or you last relationship?
I have been active in the LA community for 10 plus years and have many verifable references one is a well know know local club owner
PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning - any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photos, and/or the comments made about my photos or any other "picture" art posted on my profile.
You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee , agent , student or any personnel under your direction or control.
The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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replace Daddy for Master replace baby girl for slave this is what I want and need
My Daddy will get a loyal, subservient babygirl and pet. However, I do want to know He cares.
Yes, I want to be micromanaged. I really want my Daddy to know everything about me. I want Him to have all the passwords to all my accounts. I want him to be able to log in and check my activities if He so desires. I would like the computer to be in the family room where he can see what I am doing. I do not want to keep anything private from Him. I would love him to be able to check my cell phone anytime He wants to keep me honest and even have a tracking device to know where I am at all times. I will report to Him whom I am with at all times.
I want to get permission from Him for things both small and big and I will take His advice to heart and obey 100% even when I don't agree.
I want him to have patience and a steady hand. I am hoping he doesn't get upset or scream and yell. I tend to tune out to that.
I am NOT a brat and will always try my very best to please my Daddy. I will never purposely upset Him. He will need to be really explicit in his expectations and have rules that I understand and can follow. I want to know exactly what He wants so I can meet each and every criteria.
I crave consequences and rewards just like a real babygirl and pet. I need to know when I am doing a good job for Him or if not what I need to do to fix it. I am hoping He will be loving, but also cruel when He needs to be.
This is my nature and I will thrive under these circumstances with the right Daddy. At the same time, if this is a chore for a Man and He doesn't want that type of responsibility, then we are not the right fit. This Daddy has to love controlling me as much as I love his control. It has to be a Man who really, really enjoys being in charge and who wants me as a possession to care about and for--and that wants my service and attention. Many Men don't like that. This relationship is not for everyone, but it is for my Daddy and me. |
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If you're thinking about you & I'm thinking about you. who the hell is thinking about Me
I found this and thought I would Share. In My mind it is the Masters job to think of His property. The reason true D/s relationships work is because Humans will do things for others (the ones they love and care for) that they will not do for themselves. So when the Master needs are met then He no longer needs to focus on Him, He can now focus on His house and property. But if the property is in the wrong head space the Master for his own well being must again focus on His needs first as well as correcting his property. Once corrected, Him and the property can again be a functional team. So I thought this reflects the right state of Mind. Enjoy I did with love and blessings Dragon
In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember – physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget – the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you. (written by miria-bestslavetraining website)
copied with permission |
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A message to S-types- what you REALLY need to know
Journal Entry | 256 Comments · 941 Love It | about 1 year ago
Okay - So I'm writing this because- well frankly because over the years I've heard all the "community" party lines and dogma and it seems to leave a lot out.
As a slave (who used to identify as a submissive) I was new at one time (yes really!!) and when I came into the lifestyle I was all wide doe eyes, excitement and healthy dose of New York caution.
I was told things by people who had been around for a long time. Things that sounded okay I guess, but when I activated my spidey sense (AKA critical thinking) I quickly realized that in an effort to make the lifestyle seem a "safe place to explore" - people were saying things that could make me check my natural adult common sense at the door.
Here's a "things you need to know" guide. A real one. I warn you - it may disillusion you or make this seem a bit more scary. If it does - good - I've done my job.
Safewords are not "safe words"
By this I mean that they will not keep you safe. That's your job. They are not words of power, talismans or magical freeze points. They only work as a communication device if the person you're playing with is trustworthy and respects boundaries. If not they have no power.
There is no "safe place to explore"
Meaning that - everything has risks. Everything. Every place has risks. If you came into this seeking a place where you can be like a kid in a candy store without potential dangers - this is DEFINITELY not it. It is your responsibility to keep your wits about you.
No group or event is completely safe
No group leader can 100% guarantee the safety of their group. Everyone does the best they can to keep a look out for predators and to prevent incidents from happening on their premises or at their parties. However, if you choose to play with someone you assume the risk. If you choose to go somewhere private to play with someone you met at the party- you likewise are choosing to be alone with a stranger.
Everyone has their OWN reason for being here and their own definition of terms
When someone says "Dom's do this..." or "All good subs do this..." - that is just their perspective. There are MANY perspectives. Many definitions of terms. Everyone that says they're a Dominant isn't the Dominant for YOU. We aren't all here because we like the same things. You may want to "play" and mean a light flogging. The sadist next to you might mean extreme bondage and fear play. Ask questions. Get clarity. DO NOT Assume.
There are no shake-N-bake, just add water - perfect M/s or D/s relationships
Knowing you are submissive and you desire a Dominant provides verbiage on desires that in the mainstream world would be challenging to articulate. It does not create an instant relationship. You still have to build that the old fashioned way. Talking. Not playing. Not sexing. Talking. Talking. Talking and did I mention Talking? If it helps - know that Master and I talked for 6 months before we had sex. 8 months before a collar of consideration and 2 years after that for a permanent collar. Somethings take time. 50 shades of gray is not reality.
PLEASE treat strangers as strangers
If you wouldn't instantly go home with someone you met at a bar - do not go home with someone you met at a party. It's unwise.
This is a culture or a confederation- not a community
We aren't all under one leader. We have no ability to police ourselves outside of the City or State Police and Prosecution. If you look at this through the lens of culture your expectations shift a bit. No culture is without it's jerks and ne'er-do-wells. No culture is without it's criminals and people of questionable intent. Every culture has people you can trust and not. When you visit a new culture you learn about it, you hopefully are cautious. Don't assume this is a kinky pre-school where the "adults" (or Leaders) will take care of you and make everything safe for you.
Beware of Dirty Old (or Young) Men (or Women)
I see this a lot. Some of the people who run about yelling "predator! predator!" are merely trying to run interference against potential competitors-AKA cock-blocking. If you're new - you're attractive. Especially if you're female and young. Isn't this true in the mainstream (AKA Vanilla) arena as well?? One of the easiest ways to win your "trust" is to be your knight in shining armor. Be aware of this tactic. People do it because - well frankly - it works. EVERYONE isn't using this tactic. Some people are really trying to be helpful. Everyone isn't. You get to figure out who is who. Just like in real life.
This IS real life
Because I have adult children who LOVE RPG I have begun to understand their downside. It is easy to treat this like a RPG - when you play - you don't REALLY die when you get hit. You don't REALLY experience the effects of the spell, gun etc; it's all - play-play. THIS is not THAT. All of your self preservation skills, your wisdom, your maturity, your gut instinct is still needful here. DO NOT check it at the door. You can still have fun and keep your mind turned on.
You are empowered - REALLY!!
Being empowered means you have the authority, power and ability to do something. In this context that something is making your own decisions. This includes saying No, saying Yes, Making choices for yourself (both wise and foolish), and brushing yourself off when you end up with less than desirable outcomes including broken hearts. The ability to do this will serve you well in life.
If you are abused - the Lifestyle can't help you
We aren't therapists, police officers, judges, attorneys (unless we are). If you're out dancing and you leave with someone and that person harms you - you don't go back to the club to tell. You call the police. Do the same thing here. If someone is stalking you - call the police. If someone rapes you, batters you etc; call the police. If you choose NOT TO - I honor that choice and your autonomy in that regard, however that doesn't make the Lifestyle responsible for righting this wrong. We have a means of that. It's called the Law. I will support you if you seek that means and respect your right not to as well.
Vetting and References can help but its not foolproof
I know of people who I consider to be - unstable (and thats being kind) - who would have no problem giving you a good reference from someone else. EVERYONE has their fans and their haters. Recognize this.
Your yes needs to mean something
If you agree to something own that choice. If you don't like what happens, feel icky later, don't wish to experience that again, find that person just doesn't do it for you - cool - no big deal. That doesn't retroactively change your yes into a no. It means you say "no" next time.
Your No needs to mean something
If you don't want to play - say no. If you you dont want to engage , excuse yourself. Don't give mixed signals. Don't give a no that means "convince me".
Drop is a real thing
Drop makes you feel clingy, angry, irritable, hurt, wide-open, scared, confused, turned-on, longing, uncertainty and just a jumble of emotions all at once. Drop can happen the next day - or 3 days later. It depends on you. (usually 24-48 hours typically). What we do causes physiological shifts. Understand this doesn't mean you were traumatized or violated (unless you didn't consent to the activity) - it means you're dropping.
"Ignorantia legis neminem excusat" or "Ignorance of the Law excuses no one"
Applied here it means just because you're new, or a submissive, slave or bottom does not make you not responsible for your choices. You may make some no-so-good-in-retrospect-decisions. Thats okay! Learn and move on.
Hopefully this will help you navigate these waters a bit. Stay with a buddy. Use your floatation device. Help yourself before you try to help the person next to you. Buckle up and enjoy your flight.
In submission and surrender to Him,
~slave namaste
At the direction of Master Obsidian blanket permission to repost is granted provided the authors name is left intact and the website www.powerandsurrender.com is added
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Endur
Endure…
The pain you would endure…
Such a strong measure of just how deep this is for you…
Just how much you really do feel yourself as mine…
And trust me with all that you are…
Needing to feel the pain, power and strength…
Needing to feel yourself submit to it…
To take it for me…
To endure it for me…
To be pushed …
To see just how far you can and will go…
Just how much you will endure in the name of your submission and devotion…
And needing to know just how much you really do want it…
Need it to be a part of your submission and relationship…
Knowing it’s given with intent and care…
Feeling your desire grow within as you receive it…
Feeling what it does to you…
How it makes your need thrive…
And your arousal that much more intense…
Offering your body to receive pleasure and pain…
To be marked and used…
To be found of use and a pleasure…
To know you have the capability of giving pleasure…
Through the offering of your self and body…
For whatever is desired…
As its your place not to deny access…
Or deny what is desired to be given…
But to willingly take it…
As that is your place…
Choice is not your option…
Obedience is your only option…
And in all that is where…
You will find the deepest happiness…
Which will feed the intensity of your own pleasure…
One hundred times over.
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Categories
The Acolyte Submissive92%
The Brat Submissive36%
The Cow/Pig Submissive40%
The Domestic Submissive90%
The Kajira Sub/Slave75%
The Little Submissive43.33%
The Novice Submissive35%
The Painslut Submissive85%
The Pet Submissive60%
The Pseudo Submissive30%
The Warrior Princess Submissive52%
spectrum
The Acolyte Submissive. The Acolyte is a disciple, follower, worshipper or priestess, and considers herself a holder of sacred knowledge, a gatekeeper with the keys to her Dominant’s inner sanctum, and a part of a relationship that may transcend even death in a quasi-religious D/s relationship dynamic. In essence, the Lesser God Dominant and his Acolytes create their own private religion.
The Brat Submissive. The brat is a submissive who is generally well-behaved, but has made misbehavior, teasing, and limited kinds of defiance or disobedience an integral part of the D/s dynamic she enjoys with her Dominant, preferably with his full awareness and at least his implied approval. Without the requisite awareness and approval of her Dominant, the more appropriate classification would be the Pseudo-Sub.
The Cow/Pig Submissive. The Cow or Pig submissive is one who enjoys being treated like a domesticated farm animal, and thrives on humiliation, degradation, and abuse from her Dominant. The relationship dynamic focuses on the real or imagined unattractiveness or worthlessness of the submissive. Cages, crates or pens are typically where the she is most comfortable.
The Domestic Submissive. Sometimes referred to as a service submissive, she is expected to perform domestic duties such as cooking, cleaning, childcare, chauffeuring, and yard work. The Domestic sub is often expected to be sexually available to the Dominant, and sometimes to his other submissives, friends, or guests. Humiliation role play is quite often a significant part of their dynamic.
The Kajira Sub/Slave. A female Gorean slave in the tradition of John Norman’s pulp science fiction novels about the planet Gor is referred to as a kajira (plural: kajirae). Kajirae, almost by definition, are typically involved in relationships with Gorean Masters, however it is fairly common to find submissives who have been previously trained as kajirae but are no longer in the Gorean sub-culture and are now involved with other types of Dominants. Even so, it is quite common for certain affectations of the Gorean training to persist.
The Little Submissive. A Little is a submissive who finds joy in embracing his or her inner child. This dynamic often involves behaving, speaking, or dressing in a child-like manner or engaging in typical child-appropriate activities, and may or may not involve sex or other adult-appropriate themes and activities. While most Littles and their Mommy or Daddy Doms find age play to be sexually stimulating, there are also many who do not associate being a Little with sex at all.
The Novice Submissive. The Novice submissive is typically one who has very recently discovered and become excited about the D/s or BDSM lifestyle and has decided that she badly wants to be a part of it at any cost. Unfortunately, this often involves a frenzied and quite often very dangerous quest to find a Master – any Master – as soon as possible. This condition is often referred to as sub frenzy. The Novice submissive is easily spotted in a crowd as the sub who is lecturing anyone who will listen about her version of the “One Twue Way” to live the lifestyle.
The Painslut Submissive. The Painslut is usually an extreme masochist who enjoys or is aroused by sensations of intense or extreme pain. The Painslut’s primary interest is pain, pure and simple, and the inclusion of the suffix slut is not incidental. Painsluts are often known as much for their sexual promiscuity as they are for their extreme masochism, and they tend to gravitate toward the most sadistic Dominants.
The Pet Submissive. A Pet submissive assumes the role of a cherished animal companion to her Dominant, who typically assumes the role of an owner, caretaker, trainer, breeder, or even rider. Pet submissives typically slip in and out of character as needed in order to deal with the more mundane and human aspects of their vanilla lives. The animal personas chosen by Pet submissives generally fall into three categories: kittens, puppies, and ponies. Many Pet Submissives will bristle at the notion that their pet personas are a manifestation of role playing. For many, it is an integral and primary personality characteristic that must be hidden from the vanilla world they have to live in. For those individuals, it is the vanilla façade that they must maintain in public that is the role play.
The Pseudo Submissive. The pseudo-sub is someone who may be fairly new to the lifestyle and doesn’t quite understand that just because she is a rope-bunny, spankophile, masochist, or bottom, that this doesn’t necessarily make her a submissive. She typically isn’t trying to deceive anyone; it’s all simply the unfortunate but predictable result of erroneously assuming that just because someone is a bottom, she must also be a submissive. The Pseudo-sub likes taking orders from her Dominant, as long as he tells her to do what she would be doing anyway. A pseudo-sub is never wrong. She’s just learning life lessons on her own, the hard way. The Pseudo-sub stands ever-ready to offer her Dominant advice on how to be a better partner. This usually consists of recognizing her bad moods and just not bugging her at those times.
The Warrior Princess Submissive. is the wicked-smart, strong-willed, uber-competent, ultra-competitive, synergistic, switchy, crusader. She’s no one’s doormat, never a victim. She is a kick-ass submissive for the 21st century. Think: Xena, the Warrior Princess, kneeling at the feet of Hercules. This definitely isn’t a woman in a precarious predicament waiting helplessly for her White Knight to arrive and slay a dragon for her. This was a woman who, as she is kicking the dragon’s ass, smiles at the White Knight standing on the sidelines and says, “Hey, buddy! Feel free to jump right in and lend your sword to this fight. Otherwise, stay the hell out of my way!” The Warrior Princess doesn’t need or want a rescuer. The Warrior Princess needs an ally that she can rely upon in the chaos of battle. She seeks a warrior equal to the tasks that she has already chosen for herself, and is demonstrably capable of accomplishing with, or without, his help. She is willing and able to fight the good fight alone, but welcomes the notion of having a worthy partner, fighting by her side. And yet, when the day’s fighting is done, she is perfectly at ease with considering herself entirely His – heart, might, mind, body, and soul. She is important because she just may be the hope and salvation of this lifestyle. There will come a day, in the not too distant future, when the Warrior Princess Submissive will be forced to become a combatant in a highly politicized war on the BDSM lifestyle. It will be a propaganda war that characterizes all Dominants as abusers and all submissives as victims of abusive and exploitative relationships. When she comes out of the shadows and chooses to fight for this lifestyle instead of against it – as many of her contemporaries will expect her to do – her strong moral compass will reassure those on the sidelines that she is doing what is right and just.
For more in-depth information about these submissive categories, read Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook or The Warrior Princess Submissive, both by Michael Makai.
Link to quiz
http://domination-submission.com/take-a-quiz/the-submissive-test/ |
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Getting Set Up Safely as a New Sub in 9 Easy Steps
Note | 5 Comments · 9 Love It | about 10 hours ago
1. Get a Kink Only Gmail Account.
2. Get a second Kink Only Gmail Account, that you use just for Step 3.
3. Get a Kink Only Google Voice phone number, using the second gmail account--then it can't be used to trace back to your real kinky email. (You will be amazed how quickly you will start thinking of this as your Really Important email address and will be glad you set it up not to be messed with by crazies.)
4. Put the Google Voice app on your smartphone. You can now send and receive texts and make or receive calls on your phone, but using your Google Voice Kinky Bat Phone number. The only thing you can't use it for is to send images. (Use your kinky gmail account for that.)
5. I go into the Google Voice Settings and make sure my phone always ASKS me whether to call using my Google Voice Kinky Bat Phone number, or my regular number. (Otherwise I would have sent my real phone number to half of kinky LA by now.)
6. Now when you meet kinky people, you can give them your kinky email or phone number without giving them access to your real name, number or email.
7. Before you let anyone know your full real name or address, run an online criminal background check on them, which means they must give you their full real name. Kinksters who are not pedophiles or sociopaths will not object to this, although occasionally it may surprise them, pleasantly, that you take care of yourself like that. If you aren't comfortable asking for their name, then don't invite them to your house, meet them elsewhere. The online background check site I use is here, but YMMV. (Any cheaper/better options, please add in the Comments!)
8. When playing with anyone for the first time (even the first few times) always set up safe calls, even if playing in your own home.
9. When you meet interesting people who seem safe, friend them on . Then when you meet other interesting people, you can see who your mutual friends are, and voila, you have someone with whom to vet the new interesting people. This is why for all its limitations, can be invaluable when navigating kink in real life.
These were the main steps I just rattled off to a newbie sub at an event tonight--please feel free to add anything I've forgotten in the Comments! |
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why humiliation is healthy for me...
Reported with permission
many people do not understand the attraction of humiliation or how it could possibly be a healthy or positive fetish for one to partake in....
i have been into humiliation and objectification ever since i was exposed to it...
the internal conflict, contradiction of character, boundary pushing and soul exposing aspects are astounding...and life changing...
to trust another to strip away my ego, pride and dignity is the most humbling exercise i have ever experienced...
to be raw, vulnerable, naked and open...
to be pushed to places i never thought i could possibly go and then lead even further...
we all create a mask for ourselves in our daily lives and spend the majority of our time trying to perfect that facade...
when someone takes that disguise away and challenges you to go to those uncomfortable, hidden, terrifying places we all bury so deep within it can enlighten, free, and bring you closer to yourself than you ever thought possible...
just as the marines have their grueling boot camp routine...
and the extreme physical masochist wears her battle scars proudly...
the mental, emotional and spiritual space that an intense humiliation scene can take one is a beautiful ride:)
until you have been in my seat, please do not judge:) we all have our own journey to travel, some prefer a urine soaked road <3 |
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original post is The BellaKitty's found at: https://.com/users/19917/posts/1106513- please include this if reposting and permission may be requested through this profile
Real Party Etiquette - or - What They Do NOT Tell You
© 2012 The BellaKitty
May be shared with permission and credit given.
So some while back, a couple of friends of mine (Tinkerbytch and Polywitch - hey that rhymes!) and i were going back and forth on something i had long thought of - the etiquette that you NEED for parties, but nobody will tell you.
Here is the honest truth, beyond venue rules; beyond 'do not touch', and safewords. Here are the real basics we all need.
Watch what you eat for lunch - For the love of all that is holy, don't eat beans (or cabbage or mexican or anything gassy!) for lunch. If you are lucky, your ass will be up in the air later, exposed to everyone. You might enjoy humiliation, but is THIS the way you want it? Nobody wants to be known as 'she who farts a lot'. (This goes for tops too - you do not want to have to crack that whip to cover the sound of barking frogs!)
Wet wipe when you potty - Do you want to make the fashion statement of 'the little tissue dingleberries' when you get naked later? I didn't think so. (In addition, this can help avoid the dreaded 'swamp ass')
Tuck in the tampon string - Or better yet, buy 'Instead' or 'Beppy Tampon' brand feminine protection. Aunt Flo can be an inconsiderate bitch, but at least we have ways of making it less visible.
Lactose intolerant? - Think about what you eat the day BEFORE a play party. Missing out on everything because you are either admiring the restroom walls or creating a gas hazard area is not fun for you or anyone else.
Actually, EVERYONE - Think about what you eat the day before a play party. Nobody wants to be pooping corn and then getting their ass whupped.
Lotion? - Do you like people biting on you? Does that lotion that makes you smell all purty-like also taste good? No? Then think about where you put it. (This includes cologne, perfume, sprays, essential oils, etc. If it's stinky, does it taste good?)
Ass-play? - A pre-party enema might be a good thing to consider before you corset up. Figging and non-consensual scat play are not happy bed partners. Wet wipes are still your friend and again, reconsider the corn, beans etc for at least 24 hours before you play!
Breath fresheners are NEVER a bad thing - And help with smoker's/coffee/onion breath and make you more fun to kiss, (and can make oral interesting!). Also, if you are going to be whispering sweet threats in someone's ear, do you really want them to know you had onion bagels for lunch? In addition, if you are panting out your pain and pleasure, you do not want your top to go to long toys to gain some distance? No? Then freshen that mouth up. Those little disposable toothbrush thingies are great for this!
Pee often! - You don't want to have waited all night to play, finally you are up and you haven't been to the bathroom in 2+ hours. In your excitement you forget about it and suddenly find yourself tied up and have to safe word for a full bladder - major bummer. Go often and remember those wet wipes.
For girls and guys - If you can braid it, 'scape it! 'nuff said.
Foundation = bad - Whore red lips and mascara that will run when you cry = good! Please see the above about lotion. Foundation tastes, (and smells), even worse.
Avoid Dirty Porn Feet (DPF) - DPF do NOT look pretty when you are kicking and screaming. Bring some socks or little foldup shoes for when those rockin' heels are killing your feet - be cute, be comfy, be DPF free.
Cleanliness is next to... more people than uncleanliness. - Shit, shower, shave works for more than the military - and do NOT forget the deodorant! Play can be hard, sweaty work and you would like to still be able to hug people later without them wrinkling their noses. No. Seriously. Add it to your toybag along with those toothbrushes and the wipes which can do double duty here if needed.
Boots, THEN bodice - Unless you have a nice assistant to lace up those boots for you. Ever tried to bend over once you are laced in? Uh huh. Boots, THEN bodice.
Comfy clothes - That amazing outfit full of tulle, straps, lacing, etc was the hit of the party. Now you are tired, covered in bruises and headed to IHOP - do you really wanna get back into all that? Nope? Bring yourself some 'after' clothes that are comfy and take into account marks you might wanna hide from those nice officers at the next table drinking coffee at 4am.
Comfy shoes - Addendum to above. Those 5 inch heels were awesome, and you even avoided DPF - YAY! However, now that you are in your jammy pants and over sized shirt to hit some pancakes, do they match your new outfit? Bring some shoes to go with those comfy after clothes - again, draws a lot less attention from our friendly boys in blue.
There ladies and gentlemen is the knowledge i have garnered over the years.
Please share, enjoy and "love" it if you laughed.
Because you and i both know - Everything is true. God's an Astronaut. Oz is Over the Rainbow, and the above points should be known to all.
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Care for the bruse
I have dealt with some very serious masochists in the time in the lifestyle. I have been referred to as a bit of a sadist, some have even called me evil, bastard, fluffy and “it's him, run”. I can only imagine why people say these wonderful things about me. It is possible that I have done something right in all the time I've been doing this. It could be that one of my favorite topics of conversation is tissue displacement. I love impact. I love impact that moves women, furniture, wall studs, and causes winces from onlookers.
“With great power comes great responsibility”. A truer thing has rarely been written. With my desire and interest in the dynamics of a 2x6 in flight has come the realization that many people don't have any idea about what to do with that wonderful bruise now that it's there. Some people like to see what shapes they can find in the deep purples, black, greens, yellows, and reds and some of them go as far as autographing their work.
I see masochists wearing their bruises like black badges of honor. They show them off and they glow like an expectant mother at the awesomeness of their accomplishment. Being proud of yourself is a wonderful thing, watching other revel in our accomplishments is one of the greatest senses of acknowledgment that we receive.
That bruise looks awesome darlin', now go put some ice on it.
Something that many people don't seem to know is that bruises can be life threatening. Now, I'm not one of those “fear mongers”. I'm not trying to scare people into not playing as hard as they like to. Tops and bottoms alike need to be aware of the risks that are associated with a particular kind of play. There are all kinds of potential health risks involved in bruises I'm going to briefly talk about bruises, hemotomas, and compartment syndrome.
Bruises are formed as the result of blood vessels rupturing and seeping into the surrounding tissue. The most common causes of bruising in a scene are impact and rope. Impact causes bruises by causing local physical trauma to the tissue. Rope causes bruises by constricting tissues resulting in the same thing.
Hematomas are formed when a bruise is bad enough that blood pools into the layers of tissue that form the human body. These are dangerous and can result in embolisms which can cause serious health complications, stroke and death.
Compartment syndrome can occur as the result of bruising when the swelling interferes with proper circulation. It can result in tissue death from oxygen deprivation. Compartment syndrome can be life and limb threatening depending on the severity.
Hopefully you're looking at that black badge of courage you have with a little more concern.
This doesn't mean that you can't play nor does it mean that you can't play hard. As responsible tops and bottoms we need to be aware of the potential for risk in anything that we do.
Taking care of a bruise is easy, it can be fun, and it can be just as much a mark of pride as that wonderful raised black bruise on the inside of your thigh.
Ice is nice, once you're done playing ice down your bruises with cold compresses, ice packs, etc. If it's possible elevate the affected area and remember you don't want to keep ice on your skin from longer than 10-15 minutes depending on the severity of the bruise. Once you take the ice off stretch gently (VERY GENTLY) and re-establish working mobility for at least 15-20 minutes. Alright that was fun, now do it again at least 2 more times that day. You want to make sure that you're icing the bruise at least 3 times a day for a minimum of 3 days, depending on the severity of the bruise.
Heat is neat, once the bruise is done blooming you want to start applying heat to help your body metabolize the bruise. There are several things you can use to apply direct heat to the affected area: Heating pads, hot towels, and more. To make a hot towel take a hand towel and get it damp, then place it in the microwave for a few minutes. Remember to be very careful that you don't over cook it and make it too hot to handle, if you can't comfortably pick it up then you shouldn't put it on your body.
I don't have a rhyme for this one but stretching and massage as you recover with heat will also help break down the bruise. Before you know it you'll be up and ready to play with that sick bastard again and you'll have done it safely and reduced the risks of potential life threatening complications. |
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I am writing this because it seems that lately I can’t finish a scene or aftercare without some good meaning soul interrupting me or my bottom. So let me say this as clearly as possible, stay the fuck away until we are done, cleaned up, and walking about. Then is the time to talk, ask questions, or tell me how much you liked or didn’t like our scene.
Before I do a scene, and hopefully before you do a scene, I have carefully negotiated with my bottom. They know what they are getting involved in and have consented to what we are doing. You were not part of that negotiation; you don’t know what we said. I use, as most people use, a safe word with 99% of the people I play with. Through-out the scene Green, Yellow, and Red is a standard. If during a scene I ask you, which I will several times, how you are doing and you say Green or you say you are fine then I will continue to what our negotiated plan was, If at any time you say Yellow or Red or you say “safe-word” I will immediately stop and find out where you are and what I need to do to keep you safe.
You are not helping if you talk to my bottom during the scene. So you come across two people doing a crazy scene. The bottom, who you are friends with is a crying, snotty mess. She looks very uncomfortable and most likely in a great deal of pain. You being her friend bend down or catch her eye from across the room and with just the most gentle whisper you lip, “ are you OK “. No. Let me say again. NO. You do not have the right to fuck up that persons’ personal space right then. Maybe that person is dealing with something you don’t or can’t understand. Maybe she is dealing with the loss of her grandmother or a bad break up last month. Maybe they just need a good cry and it was delivered by a top who has rope, or a single tail, or a good leather flogger. But the point is they needed what they were doing and you just took them out of that space and now they can’t heal all because you think you are daddy woo woo or you are momma kink. Let me tell you something. When the negotiation was happening so many minutes ago or in some cases days or even months before the scene, your name never came up. You were not part of the equation. At no time were you more important that the two of us deciding what we both needed to have a great scene.
But I know you were hurting her, she had the most awful look on her face. So what! It’s none of you business. Remember that you were not invited into the negotiation; you were (dare I say) left out. You are not important to our scene. If you are really scared for your friend, find the DM, or the party host, and talk to them. By default they should be the only people allowed to interrupt a scene. When I go to a dungeon or a private party I accept that fact.
So, in conclusion, please don’t take away the possibility of someone in a scene getting exactly what they wanted just so that you can feel good. You are not doing a public service, you are fucking up what maybe took years to boil to the surface and was carefully brought out by a top who is equally getting what they negotiated for, and deserve. |
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Essay 2: Spirituality In Slavehood
By J. Mikael Togneri © 2003
This ring pledges you to sincere and serene humility, unquestioning obedience, confident unfailing trust in your Dominant, and a fervent desire - but without selfish emotional exaggerations - to become a slave
- From a ritual accepting a submissive
to initial formal training for slavery.
Although natural absolute slavehood is the expression of an instinctual and primeval need to submit far more comprehensively than the erotic role-playing of mainstream D/s, it extends beyond our rudimentary animal heritage into the very core of our rational human soul. The absolute submissive not only desires slavery but needs it in order to achieve fulfillment and identity. This need for slavery, this so-called "dark imperative" that governs natural submission, is apparent at all levels of existence, the instinctual, the emotional and the intellectual. In other words, slavehood is a vocation, comparable and equal in every way to any religious calling.
As with all other vocations, slavehood is not automatic. It must be closely examined and, when found to be genuine, nurtured and guided. Unlike most other levels of submission, slavehood is primarily of a spiritual nature. It shares the bulk of its physical and material aspects with the more superficial approaches to the lifestyle, but it does not recognize sexuality as the principal vehicle for, let alone the goal of, a profound and pervasive submission destined to develop into lifelong slavery.
Having established that slavehood is a vocation, the similarity between a life in slavery and monastic life becomes straightforward. Both are simultaneously introvert and extrovert, contemplative and active, spiritual and material. In both, energies of one aspect of life – apparently at odds with the other – are so channeled as to enable a harmony to develop, wherein each gives strength to the other so that together they become more than the sum of their component parts. Most importantly, however, the modus operandi of both pivots on service and the greatest possible reduction of self.
It is important to bear in mind that, regardless of her status of collaring, a slave submits primarily to her own nature. The apparent paradox of introvert/extrovert comes to light – and is resolved – when this basic fact is understood. That she requires a material, external focus for her submission, i.e. the dominant, does not alter the fact that on the spiritual level her submission is essentially introverted. One could say that through the dominant she submits to herself by proxy.
Religious practice contains a number of sadomasochistic elements, from penance, confession and absolution, to servitude, abstinence and flagellation. By far most, if not all, religions contain rituals of this nature, designed to focus the spirit and enhance the sanctity of the individual. No matter the perspective, therefore, the fact remains that the magic of religion and BDSM is the same. If, as postulated here, magical practices are sadomasochistic, it follows that sadomasochistic practices are magical. The reason BDSM looks so much like a religious act is quite simply that it is a religious act.
The evocation and experience of the divine is as primary in BDSM as the means by which they are sought. There is a duality in the BDSM practice which closely parallels that of religious practice, in some instances so closely that the very symbolism employed is the same. The descent into submission is as much concerned with the practical matter of materializing a daemon appropriate to submit to, as it is concerned with the submissive's own self-reduction. As she is beaten it is confirmed that He is stronger; as she is humiliated, He rises in stature and power; as she is blindfolded, He becomes all-seeing; as she is bound He becomes omnipotent; as she is punished He grants her absolution; and so on.
It is important to underscore that what is sought here is an experience of the divine, not of divinity. Dominants are not deities, and no amount of reference to one's Mistress as a goddess will alter that fact. The role of the dominant is more comparable to that of a priest in Christian tradition. That is to say, a human among humans who guides the congregation, himself included, into a deeper submission to and reverence for that which is holy. The priest is a vessel of sanctity, the link between congregation and the divine; he himself possesses neither more nor less divinity than any other. If the dominant is attributed special powers of any kind, they are not magical in and of themselves, but rather at most in rare harmony with Creation in general and his own nature in particular. This is not unlike the powers of a shaman, who is a particularly gifted and perceptive individual, certainly, but by no means superhuman.
So the mechanisms of BDSM tap into the common denominator of all religions. The BDSM ritual may be predominantly sexual in expression, however the goal is not gratification per se, but ecstasy. BDSM is, above and beyond a physical need, the psyche's effort to make sex a sacrament. Only through the understanding and acceptance of the sacramental value of submission will slavehood be true. By the same token, of course, it also becomes holy.
Sacramental and holy though it might be, BDSM is not – and could never become – a religion in its own right. It can, however, be incorporated into a religious lifestyle, and for those who are thus inclined it must be. Whatever dogmatic complications arise in the process, it is indisputable that neither submission nor dominance can exist aside from, or parallel with, the other elements that make up a human life. No matter the condemnatory rhetoric of others, who most probably have understood neither BDSM nor their own religion particularly well, there must be no conflict between them in the mind of the submissive herself. It is paramount that she be provided with the wherewithal to practice her religious life as a natural element of her submission.
The importance of pursuing slavehood for anyone who has a calling to it is self-evident. The vast amount of hard work required to achieve this depth of submission is only marginally more daunting than staying there. As many religious people and natural submissives alike have discovered through the ages, the fact of the matter is that meekness requires an iron will. However, despite these hardships – and most emphatically contrary to the views prevalent in BDSM orthodoxy – slavery can never be a goal unto itself. No vocation that is pursued for its own sake has value.
The humility learned in the collar should be the perspective from which all of Creation is viewed. The strength derived from a successful and spiritually gratifying lifestyle should be placed at the disposal of all who need it. The endurance developed under the rigors of pain, chastisement and labor, should translate into tolerance and forbearance of all who think and act according to other values – even those who would deny the legitimacy or validity of the BDSM lifestyle. The acute awareness of identity through meditation and examination of the submissive nature should lead to a greater understanding of – and thereby respect for – disparate cultural and moral backgrounds. The obedience and selflessness that are the distinguishing characteristics of any natural slave should be expanded to include not just a Master or Mistress but humanity at large.
Without these, the entire journey into slavery will have been meaningless, valueless and morally void.
Webmaster's note: This essay is part of a series and per the author's request they should be read in order. To that end please use the following links to move to the prior essay or the next one in the series. The back button will return you to the index page for this series.
Reprinted with premission |
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For slaves, our obedience determines what can be enjoyed. It gives us our self esteem and pleasure. It connects us. It gives us purpose. It validates us. i have come to believe that obedience is the very spirit of slavery; it is the special charisma of slave creatures. Obedience is the structural steel of our slave identity, and the spine of the slave's conviction. Obedience alone determines what is right and what is wrong. It frees a slave to be what only a slave can be- one whose will has been replaced by that of another. Obedience is usually the single most important concern of a slave, and this frees us from almost all other concerns. It is the overarching principle through which right and wrong is assessed by us, and by Those we serve.
The slave asks himself only, "Did I obey?" If the answer is "yes", then he did everything he could or should do. If the answer is no, then, at best, he did nothing worth noting. At worst, he was disobedient and perhaps even insolent.
A passage from slave craft |
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Power is something that we often talk about in the lifestyle. However, I noticed that it is often in the general sense. For example, the topic of power often comes up as it pertains to the "exchange" of power. In a TPE relationship, the submissive agrees that power is in the hands of the dominant. This is what we mean by exchange. Nevertheless, what is done with that power once this takes place? That is what I will delve into in this post.
What Is Power?
Before going any further, it is best if we define what power is. Too often we discuss a particular subject without having a clear idea what we are referring to. Of course, everyone knows what power is but did you ever take the time to ponder what it truly means.
We know that our cars run on power. At the same time, we get a bill from the electric company for the power they provided us. The owner of a company has the power to give an employee a raise or fire that person. For those who are gym rats, you know it takes power to lift a heavy weight. Finally, in the BDSM world, one person wields power over another.
Since we all know what power is, how come it is so difficult to define it. Like many things in life, it is so familiar to us yet we do not take the time to articulate exactly what it is. So let us get a working definition of this.
Power simply is energy. That is all it is. Everything in the universe is made of up energy. Our entire existence and everything in it is nothing more than protons, electrons, and neutrons buzzing around at incredible speeds. It is from this energy center that things occur in the physical world.
Let us look at the example of the automobile. We put gas (petrol for my readers across the pond) in our cars to make them run. This is the resource that is used to generate the energy in the vehicle. Once the gas is ignited, it gives off heat which then is used to run the engine giving power to the car. As this is accomplished, the axles on the car are turned and it moves. If you want to go faster, simply step on the accelerator which burns more fuel creating greater heat making the vehicle move at a higher speed. The power comes from the energy source, in this case the gasoline.
Direction
For power to be most effective, it needs direction. If this does not occur, it is lost. Going back to the car, the engine is designed in a way to maximize the use of the power. The same is true in our home. When power is directed into the house, it comes across power lines which run from one specific location to another. The power does not travel haphazardly. It is harnessed.
Now let us contrast this with a lightening strike. When lightening hits, it is one of the most powerful forces we see. The energy field has the strength to set hundreds of acres on fire. I am not sure the exact ratios but I feel certain in saying the energy contained in one lightening strike would power many homes for a year. However, this power goes to waste since it is unharnessed. There is no direction to it. It simply strikes and dissipates.
Therefore, as you can see, the amount of power is a secondary issue. The primary concern starts with the idea of whether power is harnessed or not. The power coming into your house is much less than that of a lightening strike. However, you can turn on a light and power it for hours. A lightening strike contains a huge multitude in terms of power compared to what is coming through the cord on your lamp. Yet, since it is unharnessed, it gives off a quick burst and then is gone. In essence, the difference is a fraction of a second versus hours.
Power In BDSM
As mentioned, everything, including us, is made up of energy. When we witness an exchange of power within the BDSM relationship, what we are really seeing is the transfer of control over the energy from one person to the other. To fully understand this idea, let us take a look at personal power.
Some will say that personal power is the ability to act. This is true but it is jumping over an important component. Personal power is the ability to generate the energy to take action. Exerting power over oneself to go workout requires generating the energy within to get off the sofa and go to the gym. The action comes from the energy.
As you can already guess, in a power exchange situation, the submissive is ceding the power over the energy generation to the dominant. He is the one who decides where her efforts will be focused. Depending upon the style of the dominant, he might determine when she gets up in the morning, washes the dishes, bathes, works out, does the laundry, if she holds a job or not, when she sits down, and when she has sex. All these activities require the generation of energy.
Focus
Now that you understand what power really is and what is exchange, there is a final point that needs to be explained. Power not only needs to be harnessed but also focused. This is what is meant by "direction". Again, going back to the lamp, the power is delivered in a consistent manner over the power lines, into the house, and through the wiring into the lamp. The grid is designed in such a way that the power if directed to go exactly where it is desired. Contrast this with the lightening strike which basically can go anywhere the laws of physics will allow it.
In BDSM, we see many who receive the power by entering into an exchange relationship yet fail to focus the power. This often occurs because the person fails to harness the power to begin with. When receiving power, one must be able to harness it. In other words, can the person handle it? Electricians know they need to use wiring that is capable of handling the power that is going through it. That is why the power lines along the street are a lot thicker than the wires in your house. They are designed to handle a great deal more power than is transmitted to your lamp. We see the same thing in BDSM. If you are going to cede power over to me, do I have the wherewithal to handle it? Can I harness the power that you give me?
One thing I need to mention is that the power a submissive gives to the dominant is only half the power. Do not forget, that since power is energy and within everyone, the dominant also has his own power source. This means that the submissive is adding her power to his. This creates a problem in many BDSM relationships because the dominant is unable to handle his own power. Ultimately, this leads to a blowout no different than when a transformer blows on the electrical pole. The dominant cannot handle his power yet a submissive adds hers, and he goes into overload.
Getting back to the idea of focus, when handed the power in a BDSM relationship, the dominant is assigned with the task of leading the relationship. Another way of describing this is to say he is the one who is to direct the interaction. He is the one who decides where the energy is focused. Those who are able to focus the power in the relationship are able to generate a strong bond. Failure to do so results in the power being lost.
I will give you an example to illustrate this point. Energy increases in intensity when it is focused. Let us consider the sun. If you go outside on warm summer day, you see the sun shining brightly. Go out without sunblock, the sun has the power to "burn" you. Lay your clothing down, especially if it is dark and the sun will heat the garment up considerably. This is the power that the sun has when unfocused.
However, when we focus the power of the sun on the garment, we learn that the ability exists to set it on fire. If we take a magnifying glass, the intensity of the sun directed through this item increases to a level where the garment will actually burn. This is what results when power is focused.
Control
Ultimately, when we break it all down, control is the ability to harness and direct power. As mentioned, for a dominant to successful be able to do this, he must first start with himself. If he is unable to control his own personal power, how can he expect to do that with another? Remember the idea of a transformer. When a submissive adds her power through the exchange, she is really doubling the amount of power traveling through the "wire". Is he able to handle it? Sadly, when we hopscotch our way around the web, we see many "dominants" who are ill-equipped to handle the power. In fact, look at their lives and you see a person lacking the ability to harness and focus his own power.
BDSM is not about whips and chains. Entry into this lifestyle is an exercise is growth and development. The BDSM relationship is unique in the separation of power. For one to enjoy success, he must expand himself in all areas of life. Domination is not telling one what to do. It is the successful leading and control over the areas of finance, health, emotions, psychological, and mental arenas. Contrary to popular thought, it is not making her do something she doesn't want to do but rather making her want to do that what she doesn't want to do. There is a big difference.
So the question always comes back to, can the dominant handle the power he is being given?
DN
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Surrender
Understand this is to understand me
(Written by Daemeon. Shared with permission because it is awesome.)
Take a deep breath. Hold it. Good, now let it out, let go, and give up everything you thought you were.
Surrender.
No, you don’t get a choice, but neither do I.
I don’t want to play at this. I can’t. I’ve tried, and it just doesn’t work for me. It’s not how I’m wired. Sometimes I find myself wishing it were, as that would be so much easier. Sometimes I’d love to just play to have fun. Tie someone up, or beat them a bit, have my fun with them, then head home and make some dinner, or have a drink and rub one out. For better or worse, that is not who I am, or how I’m wired. Years ago I finally gave up on trying to “Top”, to cater to someone’s submissive desires and do what they want and/or are comfortable with, or to pick and choose when and how I have the impulse to be above someone. That was my surrender, admitting that I don’t have a choice in this, that no matter how strong I may be, I don’t get to choose what I am. This is in me, and I know I’m not the only one.
And by “this” I mean all the hair pulling, face slapping, hole stretching, teeth gnashing, bruising, biting, binding, using, abusing, demeaning goodness you can handle. Probably more than that, but that’s okay, you don’t have to be conscious for it anyway. See, that’s the difference…I don’t want you to submit, I want you to surrender. Yes, they sound awfully similar, but they’re not; at least not to me.
I don’t want you to kneel or offer me your wrists to bind because you want it, or because it’s fun and it feels good for you. I don’t want you to offer those things only when it suits you. I don’t want you to wander through your day thinking “I’ll finish work, then do a bit of grocery shopping, then oh, maybe it would be fun to get tied up.”. I want it to be understood that I’ll take what I want, when I want. I want you to do what you’re told, because you’re confident that there will be consequences if you don’t. I want you to understand that whether I feel like controlling every detail from your clothes to your food to your sleep patterns, or whether I feel like you managing yourself to stay out of my hair, then that’s what’s going to happen.
I want you to understand that, once all that initial conversation and negotiation horseshit is out of the way, that you’re going to be and do exactly what I say and that’s…just how it’s going to be. That’s a massive commitment, you’re absolutely right, for both of us. Ever tried to own a human being with all of their intricacies, sensitivities, needs and a society that has a bit of a sore spot with that whole slavery thing? Didn’t think so. It’s not easy. It is, however, what I want, and what I am certain that I need. Before signing up, you’d better be damn sure too. Do I want you to smile at the thought of me? Sure. But I also want you to quiver with a mix that’s damn near equal parts fear and lust at the thought of me getting a hold of you. It will be exactly what I need, probably what you need too, as long as what you need is exactly what you’re given, but it damn sure isn’t going to be “fun” in any traditional sense.
You’re not going to enjoy this. It’s going to hurt, or embarrass you, or make you very uncomfortable, or all of the above, and likely more. Why? Because, damn it, I want you to suffer for me. I want you to suffer to prove just how much you want to be here, to be with me, to have my attention and to keep it. I want to know that you simply can’t help but come back for more, to surrender and bow your head for what’s about to come. Or hell, kick and gnash your teeth, for all the good it’ll do you, I don’t give a damn. Just be positive that you understand exactly what it means to offer yourself, because oh how I’m going to take. Suffer because you’re meant to, because it amuses me, because it shows me you understand your place, because it makes me content and comfortable in mine. Most of all? Suffer because I want it. And I want it because I know what it means.
It means you’re going to surrender to what you are. To what you need. It means you’re going to take a deep breath, and let out any hope of choice or control. That this is not going to be on your schedule. This is not going to stop if you have a headache, or if it’s “that time of the month”, or if you cry, or beg, or cry uncle. This is going to leave you differing amounts of scared, vulnerable, in pain, revolted, abhorrent, terrified and defiled. Of course that list will also probably include needy, giddy, content, safe, protected, assured and more, but that’s kind of how those things work. Either this is what you need or it’s not. Either you suffer to find serenity or..not.
If this is a game, if you can take it or leave it, if you enjoy it but only on your terms? Awesome, no ill will, but that’s not the ride I’m on. If you need this? If you can’t live without it, if you may even hate yourself for not being able to find peace and contentment and a sense of safety and surety in a relationship without feeling an oppressive force pressing down on you; taking from you, crushing you and bending you to whatever its next whim may be? Well then, good for you for surrendering to exactly what you are. Are you one step closer to enlightenment? I’ve got no goddamned idea. You are, however, being honest with yourself, and that’s got to be worth something, right? Here’s hoping, because that’s where I am.
Is this all I am? Not by a long shot. There’s all kinds of cuddly soft goodness in there too, but this is damn sure a part of it, and that’s not changing any time soon.
~~*~~
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BDSM: Safer kinky sex
You can download a copy of this brochure at the bottom of this page.
If sexually explicit information about BDSM activities might offend you, then this information is not for you.
This booklet contains best practices, practical guidelines, and advice on the prevention of Human Immuno-deficiency Virus (HIV), Hepatitis C (HCV), and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) within bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism (BDSM) play. It is an introduction to safer BDSM play and is designed to provide you with information to help reduce your risks. There are many detailed resources available to increase your knowledge of, and comfort with, BDSM (see the Other Resources section at the end).
Content:
BDSM Etiquette
BDSM Risk Reduction
Drugs and Alcohol
Sexual Health
HIV
Hepatitis C (HCV)
Other STIs
The Rectum
The Penis
The Vagina
Lubricants
Condoms, Gloves and Dams
Toys
Cleaning Toys
Douching and Enemas
Rimming
Sucking, Blowing, Licking
Pinching
Temperature
Fisting
Watersports, etc.
Urethral Sounds
Restraints and Bondage
Percussion Play
Whipping
Blood Sports/Piercing
Safe Disposal of Syringes and Other Sharps
Branding and Scarification
Electricity
Other Resources
About this Booklet
BDSM Etiquette
BDSM etiquette is about respect and communication:
RESPECT: Negotiate all the limits and terms (including safe words and signals) of a scene before you start to play. A safe word (or signal) is used in BDSM play to stop the scene immediately. Some people use green, yellow, and red. These systems are there to protect everyone involved. Respect the limits and feelings of other players (and your own) at all times.
COMMUNICATION: Discuss interests, pleasures, perceived needs, physical limitations, past experiences, health needs, and STI status with your partner(s). If you are unsure of a sexual or BDSM activity, then hold off until someone experienced teaches you the safety aspects. Discussion builds intimacy. You and your partner(s) will have more fun!
BDSM Risk Reduction
Responsible BDSM has always been about practicing safety, so it’s important to understand the risks involved in BDSM play, and how to minimize them. BDSM activities have generally been classed as low risk for HIV transmission. This means that only a small number of people are likely to have contracted HIV, or passed on HIV, while practising BDSM. HIV is not the only sexually transmitted infection (STI), and there are other possible dangers associated with some BDSM practices.
Even if it s been negotiated, you should be prepared for a quick end of the scene, so have good and appropriate emergency equipment nearby, such as safety scissors, bolt cutters for padlocks/chains, and first aid.
Drugs and Alcohol
If you re into BDSM, be aware of the risks of using drugs or alcohol while playing. Alcohol and mind altering drugs can lead to unsafe activities, impair your judgment, and significantly change your reaction speed. Getting high on stimulants can dull physical pain and change your energy levels and mood. Knowing the true extent of your pain or pleasure is part of making good judgments about what you want to do and how far you want to go.
If the drugs you are using take away your ability to feel or assess pain, you could easily and seriously damage yourself or your partner(s). You need to know if what you are doing fits with what your body can handle; otherwise, you will not be able to determine if something has gone wrong and you will not be able to tell your play partner to stop.
Sharing needles, or cookers for some drugs, is a very easy way to pass on HIV and hepatitis. You should use your own drug equipment (works) and avoid sharing them.
If being intoxicated or high is not allowed at a fetish event, the Dungeon Master (DM) in charge of it may tell you to leave the event.
Sexual Health
People have different levels of understanding of sexual health. Do not assume that your partner(s) know(s) his/her HIV, hepatitis, or STI status. Also, you cannot know another person s health by looking at them. Assumptions about another person s willingness or ability to disclose their health issues are only guesses, not protection.
In any sexual activity, protection is key (condoms, including female condoms, medical examination gloves, and dental dams), and it s important to remember to use common sense, covering open wounds with bandages, and ensuring you have first aid items readily at hand.
By remembering these basics, you can make any kind of sex safer. By being interested in your health and practising safer sex, you are doing a lot to help stop the transmission of HIV, hepatitis, and other STIs.
HIV
HIV can be transmitted from one person to another through any of the following infected fluids:
blood,
semen (cum) or pre-ejaculate (pre-cum), the liquids that can come out of the penis (cock) when a man is sexually excited,
vaginal secretion (cunt juice),
mucosal secretion from the anus (asshole), vagina (cunt), or cervix, this is the moist fluid that covers the inside of the rectum and vagina, and
breast milk—although this has only been observed within the context of a child drinking large quantities of breast milk.
For HIV transmission to occur, infected fluid must reach the HIV-susceptible cells in the blood, usually through a break in the skin, absorption through mucosa (mucosal linings), or through some disruption to the mucosa. Mucosa are the moist surfaces of the body which line most of the body cavities and hollow internal organs, such as the vagina, urethra, inside wall of the foreskin, rectum (ass), mouth, nose, and eyelids.
Hepatitis C (HCV)
HCV is one of several hepatitis infections that can cause major damage to the liver over many years of infection. Like HIV, HCV is transmitted through blood to blood contact. Unlike HIV, it is a hardy virus that can exist in blood outside of the body for much longer than HIV. Although most transmission occurs through sharing of drug use equipment (needles, syringes, and other drug preparation equipment), it is possible to transmit HCV sexually, when blood is present (in semen and vaginal, rectal and other mucosal fluids), even in microscopic amounts.
Other STIs
Having another STI, such as gonorrhea, syphilis, or genital herpes, can increase the risk of HIV transmission, even if you don t have any obvious symptoms of that STI. STIs like herpes can be transmitted simply by touching moist skin to moist skin. Other STIs, like HIV, may require more intimate contact involving mucosal membranes, such as the ones in the back of the throat, in the vagina, in the penis, or in the rectum.
The best tools we have to reduce the risk of transmitting HIV and most other STIs are the use of condoms, gloves, and dams, and regular testing for and treatment of HIV and other STIs. Sexually transmitted HCV is an increasing issue of concern.
The Rectum
The rectum (ass) is delicate. It is located about three centimetres inside the opening of the anus and is about twenty centimetres long. Sticking something up it, whether it s a finger, penis, dildo, fist, or any thing else, can tear the mucosal lining of the rectum. Even tiny tears and abrasions are openings where HIV and other STIs can get into the body.
Fucking without protection is a high-risk activity for HIV and other STIs, since a penis discharges pre ejaculate and ejaculates semen directly onto the mucosal lining of the rectum. You are not likely to notice sores or tiny tears in your anus or rectum, because they are inside, not easy to see and may not produce any pain. Most tiny tears and abrasions will not produce blood you can see. If you have a cut or sore on your finger, or if you have sharp or long nails, don’t finger an anus or rectum. Use a glove even when fingering.
As for dildos, make sure they ve been cleaned before they go up a rectum. Note that clean is not the same as sterile (see the section on Cleaning Toys). Use lots of water based lube and be prepared to re apply more lube. Frequently.
The Penis
The head of the penis is a vulnerable area with two mucosal linings, the meatus (the piss slit at the opening of the urethra) and the inside wall of the foreskin. These two areas, in addition to any open cuts and sores due to a variety of things including STIs, can expose you to infection.
Male and female condoms are the most effective means of protecting you and your partner(s) from STIs during sex.
If you are intersex or a trans man, and you have a surgically created penis, be aware of where your moist membranes are and, if you find condoms do not work for you, cover them with a barrier (dental dam, cut up glove, or split condom).
The Vagina
The inner parts of the vagina are mucous membranes, so make sure that your play is careful here. It s easy to bruise, cut, or tear a vagina, so it s important to protect the vagina whenever anything goes into it. Anything inserted into the vagina needs to be clean and have no sharp edges. The vagina can be damaged in other ways, too. You can bruise or scrape inner parts, tear the skin between the vagina and the rectum, bruise the tissue between the pubic bones, and/or cut and scrape around the opening of the urethra.
If you are a trans man taking testosterone or a woman who has experienced menopause, be aware of the possibility of vaginal atrophy, which is the thinning and inflammation of vaginal walls due to a decline in estrogen. Besides making sex uncomfortable for you, this may also create open wounds.
In addition to these risks, which can open up your body to HIV infection or other STIs, some of the vaginal and cervical mucosal membranes can directly absorb HIV. Unprotected vaginal intercourse with a penis and/or improperly cleaned toys is a high-risk activity.
The vagina can experience infections that are not STI or HIV related, but are a result of contaminating it with feces (shit). Inserting anything into the rectum and then into the vagina can lead to infections that are not associated with STIs. If you are trans and have undergone recent lower surgery to create a vagina, you need to take additional care to keep your vaginadilated but clean, with the appropriate healing time allowed to pass before rough play or play that could lead to infections.
Lubricants
Lubricants (lube) for sex can be lots of fun, whether used for play or insertion. You can find your preferred lubricants by asking around or consulting your retailer. A good rule for sticking anything into the body is:
Too much lubricant is not enough.
If you don’t use enough, you may cause tiny tears and abrasions, which are openings for infections, and discomfort after play.
Different types of play call for different types of lubricants. For example, some people are sensitive to the scents added to some lubes. Use only water-based unscented lubes when inserting anything into somebody. Flavoured brands can be used externally or for oral sex.
Never use oil based lube with a latex condom, because oil breaks down latex quickly.
When playing with more than one bottom, there is a high-risk of contamination from one bottom to another via the lube container. This can happen in the same scene or in subsequent scenes.
Do not take lubricant from a large shared container. Before play, use either small portions in disposable packets or put individual portions of lube into a disposable container, such as a paper cup.
The easiest way to be safe is to ensure that you have more than enough lubricant prepared for each bottom before play starts.
Condoms, Gloves, and Dams
You can find a wide variety of latex condoms, as well as condoms made from other materials, such as polyurethane. These materials meet the needs of people with latex sensitivities and those who prefer oil based lubricants. Don t forget that condoms can also be used to cover sex toys.
Even with the available varieties, some people may still encounter problems finding suitable products. So, if condoms do not fit properly, you may need
to explore options such as cutting latex or vinyl gloves to fit, or using dental dams.
It's important to protect hands when they are used for insertion. Gloves are commonly made of latex and are also available in vinyl and nitrile. Latex gloves are thicker than condoms, but, if you are using latex gloves with oil based lube, try "double-bagging" them (using a second glove over the first), and change the gloves frequently to avoid breakage. Vinyl or nitrile gloves don't break down with oil-based lubricant and are usually available through your local pharmacy or medical supply store.
Dental dams are rectangular pieces of latex or polyurethane sheets available from medical supply stores and some pharmacies.
Toys
Sharing your toys carries a high risk of transmitting infections.
If it s not properly cleaned and then shared, anything that goes into a person's rectum and/or vagina could transmit HIV or other STIs. Any toy that draws blood can also be a risk for transmitting hepatitis A, B, and C.
If you want to avoid this risk, try the following: if you’re a bottom, the best course is to have your own toys and get your top to use them on you. If you’re a top, ask your bottom what toys he or she owns and to bring them along. Or, if having sex with various bottoms, you should assign and mark each toy for use with that bottom only. For example, if you spank someone with a sturdy wire brush, you’re going to draw blood. So, tape the bottom's name onto the back of the brush, maybe even tape the brush to the bottom's leg, but don’t use it on anyone else. The same applies to dildos, butt plugs, and anything else you insert into someone.
If you put a condom on a toy before you use it, it s a lot easier to clean after play. When sharing toys, cover each with a condom, then dispose of the condom after the toy has been used on one individual. For large toys, you may find that female condoms are a useful substitute for standard condoms. If you re a top, you can probably think of lots of ways to make your bottom put the condom on the toy!
Cleaning Toys
It's a good idea to clean a toy, even if it’s not shared, not only for basic hygiene reasons, but also to prevent an STI in one part of your body from being spread to other parts. It's also important not to transfer feces from the rectum to the mouth or the vagina by using a sex toy first in your ass and then in other parts of your body, because this can lead to infections. This is particularly important if you are trans and have had recent surgery to create a vagina and are using a vibrator or dilator as part of the healing process.
Remember: there is no way to guarantee that your toys are completely free of STIs.
There are medical surface cleaners, such as those that contain both isopropanol and butyl cellosolve, that do not provoke skin irritation, so you might want to use one of those instead of hydrogen peroxide. Be sure to check the material safety data sheet of the product before using it. HCV, in particular, is hard to completely remove (should you get blood on a toy). Using medical grade surface cleaners that expressly indicate they will kill HCV may pose problems when they are used on toys, because it is unclear what these cleaners will do to the materials from which sex toys are made. So, in the process of cleaning the toy, you may also be damaging it.
It is not advisable to get these medical grade cleaners onto vaginal, oral, or anal mucosal membranes. If the cleaner is not properly flushed from the toy, you could end up inflaming these body tissues and aggravating them to the point that they are more susceptible to transmission of HIV, hepatitis, or other STIs.
So, make sure any toy with cum, blood, or feces on it, or anything that’s been in someone’s rectum or vagina, is properly cleaned.
You’ll need these things to clean your toys:
Soap and hot water,
One part household bleach to nine parts water (note: bleach does not kill herpes immediately; any surface requires at least ten minutes of exposure to bleach to render herpes inactive. Bleach does not kill HCV at all), and
10% hydrogen peroxide solution (hydrogen peroxide kills herpes immediately).
Make sure you get any bleach and soap off the toy by flushing it well with clean water.
Leather toys are a bit different:
There is no way to sterilize leather, but you can clean it.
To clean a leather toy (like a whip, flogger, or leather dildo), first wash the tips or ends with a strong foaming cleaner using a hard bristle brush to get at nooks and crannies in the leather; then spray the tips or ends well with hydrogen peroxide, wipe away the excess with clean towels, and let them air dry for at least a few hours (preferably overnight) before using them. Cleaning dries out the leather, so your toy should be treated with a leather conditioner immediately after it has dried, or it could become brittle and crack.
If you know the material the sex toys are made of and the material’s properties, you can determine the best way to clean them and how much you can reduce the risk. For example, remember that silicone toys are more expensive, but they are dishwasher safe. Be aware of recommendations and follow the manufacturer's instructions.
Finally, most sex toys are sold as novelties. This means they don t meet any specific sanitary regulation. It's a good idea to establish a relationship with a trusted supplier, in order to talk about pros and cons of any toy you may purchase.
Douching and Enemas
Most people into fucking, toys, or fisting feel it is very important to have a clean rectum and vagina. However, douching or enemas before any rectal or vaginal play washes away the surface mucous that s there to protect you. Incomplete rectal douching can leave fecal matter in the rectum that is likely to cause abrasion, which can make you more vulnerable to infection. For these reasons, it s important to clean well, to allow around an hour or so before play for the mucosa to recover, and to use lots of lubricant during play.
Never share your douche bag or the nozzles of shower douches. Clean them each time you use them (see the section on Cleaning Toys).
Douching or enemas should not be performed after sex, because they don t necessarily washthings away they can push infected semen, blood, or feces farther into the body. Infections and bacteria douched up into a woman's uterus and fallopian tubes can cause Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), which is painful, could lead to infertility or ectopic pregnancies (the egg growing in a fallopian tube), and can be life threatening.
Rimming
Licking someone s anus (asshole) is negligible risk for HIV transmission, but poses a risk for the transmission of other STIs, like herpes, intestinal parasites, anal warts (caused by Human Papilloma Virus or HPV), syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and hepatitis A, B, and C. Using a barrier is your best choice. But, if you want to rim and you have an open sore on your lips, or you find one on the ass, you should definitely use a condom cut lengthwise to form a sheet of latex or use a barrier, like a dental dam.
Sucking, Blowing, and Licking
Fellatio (blow job, sucking cock) is considered a low risk sexual activity for HIV transmission. If you have just flossed or brushed your teeth or if you have just been to the dentist, getting cum or pre cum in your mouth is riskier. Never brush your teeth or tongue just before playing. Wait at least 30 minutes to 2 hours, and never play when you have cold sores, cankers, or cuts in your mouth. How fast your mouth heals depends on a variety of factors, including oral hygiene and overall health. Even an irritated throat can increase your risk, so, in this case, it s best to use a non lubricated or flavoured condom when you suck cock.
Cunnilingus (cunt licking) has similar risks. If you are concerned about the risk associated with this activity, you can use a dental dam as protection. If you can t find dental dams, you could use non microwavable plastic food wrap to help reduce the risk, because it s not porous. Also, a non lubricated condom or glove can be cut to produce a flat latex barrier that can be used in the same way. Remember which side of the barrier is yours and which side has someone else's fluids on it.
While oral sex is considered low risk for HIV transmission, many other STIs (such as syphilis and gonorrhea) can be easily transmitted during oral sex. If genitals have any sores, signs of an STI, or if they look like the skin has been broken, condoms or dental dams are required for play.
The best tools we have to reduce the risk of transmitting most STIs are condoms, gloves, and dams, and getting regularly tested for STIs.
Pinching
You can pinch, lightly slap, and rub the skin, including the nipples. Provided there is no broken skin involved, there’s no risk of transmitting HIV or other STIs when playing this way. If the skin is broken, follow the advice in the Blood Sports/ Piercing section. If you have a history of cystic breasts or abnormal mammograms, keep to light play on your breast and nipples.
Clothes pegs, nipple clamps, and ropes can be used to put tight pressure on the skin. To avoid circulation problems, if skin goes blue or white, immediately take off the pressure. Light pinching should only be left on for ten to fifteen minutes.
Temperature
You can only transmit disease through temperature play if there are cracks in the skin, open blisters, or charring caused by high temperature, so stop at reddening of the skin. Avoid sudden changes in body temperature and permit the player to acclimatize to room temperature.
When playing with ice, remember that it can have sharp edges until it melts and that prolonged contact with skin or mucous membranes can do damage.
Don t drop cigar or cigarette ash on a heated area, since the ash may burn the skin and stick to it. This can cause infection later, as the wound heals, and even result in an unwanted ash ‘tattoo.’
For hot wax play, choose cheap, white paraffin candles, because they burn at a low temperature. Don t use coloured, scented, or beeswax candles, which all burn at higher temperatures.
Fisting
Fisting is a name given to putting a hand into a rectum or vagina, but the hand is not inserted as a closed fist; it goes in with fingers and thumb straight and gathered together into a pointed cone. Once the whole hand is inside, the fingers can be gently brought into a fist. When moving farther, they should be pointed again.
If you get fisted, you re going to have to treat your rectum and/or vagina very, very carefully, because fists can create more serious tears in the rectum and vagina than most sexual activities. People can take a long time to work up to the point of being able to take a whole hand. Also, pushing too hard or fast can cause damage. So, take your time and enjoy yourself!
If you are going to fist, it's important to wear gloves. They protect both of you. Latex / vinyl / nitrile medical gloves are the best and need to fit properly. The additional friction caused by creases of excess material can cause increased sensitivity for the bottom, and, eventually damage in the
mucosal membrane.
Going deep is a high-risk activity, since, among other things, the colon is easily punctured, which can result in an infection that may be rapidly life-threatening. If you’re going to be fisting deeply, make sure your arm is free of nicks and cuts. You can check for tiny nicks that may not be visible by lightly applying rubbing alcohol to the skin. A sharp stinging sensation alerts you of surface abrasions that will increase risks. For deep fisting, it s best to use a long, latex opera glove, but remember that this will reduce sensitivty for the top. You should be able to get these at your local sex store or online kink stores.
Don t fist if your fingernails are long. Cut them and smooth them down or put soft bandages over the ends of the nails as an added precaution to blunt them. If you have an open wound or hangnails on your hand(s), don t fist with that hand, even with the precaution of gloves. Be sure the glove stays well lubed while you're using it (see the Lubricants section to learn how to avoid contaminating lube). As with condoms, when pulling out, make sure to grab the open end of the glove so that it doesn t slip off.
If you're living with HIV, you need to know that a high viral load puts you at higher risk of contracting other STIs. This has led many researchers to think that fisting can spread HCV to sexual partners far more easily than if HIV were not involved. If you get fisted regularly, it's important to get yourself screened regularly for HCV. Keep in mind that HCV acts like other infections faced by people living with HIV, such as syphilis or HPV. They all tend to progress quickly to secondary stages that cause more serious health issues. Often these infections are not immediately apparent, and it is very common for people to be unaware they are infected. Most of this can be avoided by using fresh condoms and gloves with each partner.
Hepatitis can be spread by fisting without gloves, using the same glove in more than one person, or using contaminated lube.
Watersports, etc.
Both urine (piss) and feces (shit) with no blood are fine on the outside of intact skin. If there are any breaks on the outside of the skin, don t urinate (piss) or defecate (shit) near the break(s). Remember that a pimple (zit) is also a break in the skin.
Urine in your mouth is a negligible risk activity for getting HIV, but if the bladder is infected there is a risk of catching other STIs. Drugs can pass through into urine, chemically unchanged. If you are HIV positive, be aware that the risk of HIV drug treatment resistance can be increased by drinking large quantities of urine from someone who is on HIV treatment drugs different from your own regime. Also, be aware that drinking large quantities of urine from someone who has been taking recreational drugs can also pass the drugs into your system, thereby compromising your ability to assess risk, or produce other inintended consequences.
If you take feces into your mouth, there is also the possibility of catching intestinal parasites, hepatitis, and STIs. Get checked for parasites as part of your regular STI check up and be on alert for symptoms of a parasitic infection like diarrhea, bloating, cramping, or changes in your appetite, weight, or energy levels.
Urethral Sounds
Some men enjoy surgical steel sounds and other insertables in their penis during play. Since the urethra is a sterile part of the body, it s best to consider sounds as single-person toys. Use lots of lubricant and don t push the sound in. Let gravity do the work of easing it into the urethra. Stop at the slightest feeling of pain, since pain here is a good indication that damage may be happening. Sterilizing sounds properly requires a medical autoclave.
Restraints and Bondage
Restraint is not likely to cause a risk of disease transmission. Just be aware that anything that can wrap around or encase the body is best made of a flexible material, and that any restraint that is too tight, especially around the neck or joints (wrists, ankles, knees, etc.), could easily damage them.
Before starting a scene, it's a good idea to take into consideration the bottom’s health conditions (e.g., before binding, ask if your partner has poor circulation, cystic breasts, abnormal mammograms, or other conditions that might be relevant to your play).
Never leave alone anyone who is bound. Also, be sure to have good rope cutters and bolt cutters nearby, ready for any emergency. Best practices include regularly checking in with, and being no more than a few steps away from, a bound player, particularly if the player is wearing a gag. Cloth gags, such as socks, should be wet before insertion, to help prevent vomiting, and any gag under a hood should allow breathing.
Bad technique can cause nerve damage, inability to breathe, and even death by strangulation or suffocation. Some warning signs for the top are pale skin, blue skin, or cold temperature, all of which indicate a circulation problem.
You will need mastery for some knots and positions. Bondage workshops are a good way to learn how to tie these safely, so consider attending some before trying bondage at home. More complicated knots and positions can come later. Also, in case you are bottoming, check and see BDSM Etiquette section). In short, be aware of your limits and just try what you can currently manage.
Bottoms, particularly novices, can have sudden, unexpected, and violent panic attacks when in hoods and other forms of bondage. Tight hoods, when worn for a long time can cause the face to expand, causing pain. If you are the bottom and feel the panic coming on, give your top as much warning as possible. As a top, you should be prepared to react quickly to calm the bottom.
If a panic attack happens, it may be a 'fight or flight' response. In this state, the bottom has little control over their own violent attempts to be released. This could seriously injure both players, even resulting in broken limbs. The top should not panic, nor release the bondage for a couple of minutes, until the bottom has calmed down, because an injured top may not be able to release the bottom. The bottom will come out of the panic with a few of minutes of gentle reassurance. At that point, the bondage can be released and the top can give the bottom the required aftercare.
Considerations about nerve damages and restriction of blood flow are valid not only for rope, wrap, and tape, but also for handcuffs. For safety, buy only good handcuffs with a double locking feature that meet National Institute of Justice NIJ Standard 0307.01, which specifies that metal handcuffs should meet safety standards and have serial numbers and a company name visible on the cuff. Always have extra keys available in case of emergencies.
If using adhesive tape (e.g. duct or insulating tape), do not apply it directly to the skin. It will rip off hair and skin when it is removed, which increases the risk of transmitting STIs.
When using 'non breathing' materials such as duct tape or plastic wrap, be careful of environmental conditions, because mild dehydration can occur quickly with high temperatures and/or in prolonged scenes. Follow your common sense and the natural needs of the bottom (thirst, urge to urinate, etc.).
Percussion Play
Percussion play covers many types of play, from light spanking to heavy, single tail whippings, so preparation depends greatly on what you re about to do. Percussion play should be restricted to muscled parts of the body, since the joints are both sensitive and easily injured, and the torso has fragile areas on both the front and the back. The hands and feet are so complex that any form of percussion on them can be risky, particularly the upper sides and their joints. The stomach should be well tensed before, say, punching it. Also, you should never allow your hands or any percussion toy (e.g. flogger, whip, hand, etc.) to hit around the kidneys (including the spine), because the kidneys are attached to the spine, which transmits the force of the percussion to these sensitive organs. The head, neck, and spine are also areas that are sufficiently fragile that it s best to stay away from percussion play in those areas, except, perhaps, light slapping.
The best areas for percussion are the buttocks, thighs, calves, upper back, and chest muscles.
Consider the flexibility, weight, contact surface, and the stroke used for the percussion. Heavy, flexible toys (like rubber floggers) that are allowed to fall completely on the skin can transmit a great deal of energy that can be perceived as thud or ‘sting,’ depending on the stoke used.
Different people tend to prefer one sensation over the other, so check before you play. Also, there are those who like marks such as bruises and healed cuts from percussion play, but not everyone does, so again it s best to ask before you play. With a little practice, you can easily provide sensation without marks, and marks without a great deal of sensation. Another thing to watch for is that some people are what we call 'dermagraphic', in that their skin goes red with even the slightest percussion. This is not a problem, but it could surprise you as very red marks can appear quickly, even though you ve only been tapping lightly.
Thin toys and pointed tips of toys can easily split the skin, if applied too hard. So, watch for that if you re using canes, thin rubber tube, rubber floggers with sharply cut tips, single tail whips, and the like. If your play breaks the skin, see the Blood Sport/Piercing section for cleaning the skin and surfaces onto which the blood has fallen, and the Cleaning Toys section for cleaning your whips. On the fun side, the sound of percussion play is very much part of the play, so have fun experimenting with the sound as well as the sensation.
Whipping
Prior to a flogging or whipping scene, both players should cover any open sores or cuts they may have. Whips, quirts, cat o nine tails, etc., and the way they are used, can draw blood. But, if there s no break in the skin during whipping or flogging, then there s no problem at all. If blood is involved, avoid using whips on more than one person, because a whip cannot be sterilized (see the Cleaning Toys section).
It is highly unlikely that someone could be infected with HIV by a whip. Hepatitis, however, is much hardier and it can pose risk if it is present on a whip (including a flogger, quirt, etc.). Keep in mind that long bull whips drag on the floor or ground, and you may not want your skin broken by something that has been there (think dirty, rusty nail…). When in a public forum, you should avoid breaking the skin, because, during the return of the stroke, blood droplets can be flicked into the air from the flogger/whip.
Blood Sports/Piercing
Syringe needles are not only used for drugs. Some people inject products like steroids, fat burners, and polymers for body modification. Others use needles as part of temporary piercing practices or the fetish of having huge testicles (balls) by means of scrotal saline injections. Some use scalpels to create temporary and permanent designs on the surface of the skin.
The surfaces onto which you place your sterile needles and scalpels before play should be as clean as possible. To clean these surfaces, use a medical grade disinfectant, according to the manufacturer s instructions.
When you start a piercing, cutting, branding, or shaving scene, the area of the skin should first be wiped clean in a spiral, moving out from the centre. You can use a clean cotton ball that has been soaked in rubbing alcohol or any antiseptic preparation designed for the skin.
Note that alcohol only cleans the skin, it does not sterilize it. So, it s preferable to use a good antiseptic after wiping away surface dirt with alcohol. Any drops of blood during play should be wiped away in the same way as cleaning the skin: outwards from the source. After use, put the wipes in a plastic bag, tie up the bag, and place it in the garbage.
Sharing needles or blades is a very easy, high risk way to pass on HIV and hepatitis, and many other STIs. When piercing the skin with needles, make sure only new, sterile ones are used and then only on one person. In Canada, piercings done by amateur piercers with homemade equipment have inadvertently infected individuals with HIV.
Anything inserted into the skin needs to be sterile, not merely clean.
Safe Disposal of Syringes and Other Sharps
Do not recap syringes after use, as this could lead to a needle stick injury. If you must recap the syringe(s), make sure that the recipient does the recapping. That way, there will be no risk of person to person contamination.
Once a needle or scalpel blade is used, it should be kept in a sharps container until you permanently dispose of it. The container can be a specially designed one or a strong, narrow necked thick plastic container with a lid. When dropping the sharp into the container, make sure no one else is holding the container, as this can lead to an accidental injury. Place the container on a hard, stable surface and then let gravity take the sharp into it.
When the sharps container is nearly full, you should contact your local pharmacy, injection drug use needle exchange, sexual health info line, or social service referral telephone number. They will either accept your materials to be included in their own disposal system or be able to advise you where to go in your community.
Branding and Scarification
Both practices are safe for HIV (at publication, it is unclear if this is also true of hepatitis). Disposable equipment is recommended for branding, or it should be used on only one bottom.
Knife-branding and cutting should only be done with a sterile scalpel with a disposable blade (scalpels can be bought at medical supply stores). Use the blade once, and then dispose of it safely (see the section about Safe Disposal of Syringes and Other Sharps). A manual shaving blade should never be shared.
Electricity
Electricity can create reactions as mild as tingling to violent muscle contraction. The latter is dangerous to both top and bottom; for example, both can sustain broken limbs. Given this, it's important to start slowly and to pay attention to a player s reaction during play. Pre-existing health problems involving the heart should bediscussed prior to a scene. A player who has a pace maker or takes nitrates cannot wear electric dog collars and should be extremely careful when participating in other electrical play.
Electrical toys probably won t break skin, so there’s not much risk of getting HIV from them. If they do break skin, follow the general procedures for first-aid.
Since flexible, sticky electrical contacts pick up dirt from the skin, use them on one person only. If you get bodily fluids on them, throw them away and get new ones. There is no way to clean them.
Avoid water and flammable materials when you play with electricity. Wet skin or hands, including from sweat, increase the unpredictability of where electricity will go, as well as the perceived sensation.
Older electrical toys shouldn t be used above the belly button; however most new toys designed for humans can be used above the belly button.
So, always carefully read the instructions that accompany your toy. Unfortunately, many manufacturers don't provide information about the electrical current produced by a toy. In addition, some products are not initially sold as toys; for example, electric dog collars.
Other Resources
BDSM is not a licence for abuse. BDSM/kink community organizations and social gatherings exist to help you get a feel for how BDSM relationships work and how to ensure that your consent and limits are respected. Get in touch with the organizations nearby and take the time to get to know them. You ll be able to meet people and attend workshops on techniques, as well as use their resources. To find out about ones near you, check out your local kink store, community newspapers, and the web. The oldest organizations (some over thirty years old) tend to have the best resources, on line and off.
Try not to confuse erotic sites and networking sites with the sites of BDSM community organizations. The latter will most often have good resource sections, whereas the former are less reliable. In very little time, you'll notice the references that people respect the most, since they're mentioned on almost all good sites.
Workshops are delivered by BDSM educators all over the world where there are enough kinky people to gather more than occasionally. Enquire at your local purveyor of kink, gay and lesbian book shops (even if you re straight), or search the web to see what’s coming up in your area. They will be very happy to help you.
If there are no BDSM organizations close to you, and you don t have internet access, there are still plenty of books that were written to help you learn safer BDSM. You may be able to find these through your local library or health centre. Don't feel shy about asking.
For general and specific information on HIV, hepatitis, and other STIs, get in touch with your local community health centres, public health units, doctors offices/clinics, or community AIDS organizations, and your local libraries. The web also has this kind of information, but be sure to use well known, reputable web sites. If in doubt about health information, talk openly about these subjects with your doctor. If your doctor will not talk about these issues, you might seriously want to consider changing doctors.
About This Booklet
This booklet is dedicated to the memory of Douglas Dale McCarthy (1931-2007), one of the founders of the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT) and ACT's Safer SM Project.
It was written by Dale McCarthy and Jay Wagner (first edition), and Trevor H. Jacques (second edition), and it was funded in part by, and written in consultation with, the BDSM community in Toronto, to provide information for safe, sane, and consensual BDSM activity.
Thanks to:
Brian Denyer, Joe Hunter, Nancy Irwin, Trevor H. Jacques, Duncan MacLachlan, Steve Munro, Rui Pires, and Carlos Rivas for their editorial work for this edition, and to the Whitby Positive Care Clinic and the Lakeridge Health Network for their help and advice.
Thanks also for the many generous donations from supporters of the Safer SM Education Project since its inception in 1991.
Booklet: © The AIDS Committee of Toronto, BDSM Education Project August, 1996; October, 1999; June, 2009. This edition April 2010.
Photographs: © G. Elliott Simpson, 2008, 2009
Design: Raymond Helkio
How to support the Safer BDSM Education Project:
This resource was produced with funds raised within the BDSM community. To support the work of the Project, you can make a donation payable to the AIDS Committee of Toronto, and ask that it be directed to the "Safer BDSM Education Project". If you are making a donation via cheque, please mark "attention Safer BDSM Education Project" on your cheque.
Want to order large quantities of the brochure?
If you live within Canada:
Please visit the Canadian AIDS Treatment Exchange (CATIE) on-line ordering centre.
If you live outside of Canada:
Unfortunately, we do not have the resources to ship brochures internationally.
Download the PDF:
BDSM Booklet April 2010.pdf 974 (Kbytes)
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' If a woman is not submissive to a man it is not because she lacks the ability to submit; rather he lacked the ability to create for her a place in her heart and mind to fall to her knees'
Why, indeed! Journal Entry | 15 Comments · 3 Love It | 14 days ago Random stolen and paraphrased questions asked elsewhere: Why does your Dom feel it's necessary to force you to do something you don't enjoy just to assert his dominance? Or-- Why is it necessary to me that he force me to do things I don't enjoy just to assert his dominance? I suspect there probably are slaves out there who have either never had, or have lost or conquered, their own interests. I am not one of those people. As much as I understand that M/s is about pleasing the M, there are still reasons why I wanted this sort of relationship. If it doesn't matter how he words things (a command vs a request); if it doesn't matter that he won't force me past comfortable; if I were able to twist his words and actions into what they are not, then I could turn any vanilla relationships into an M/s one in my head by doing exactly that. Truth be told, I did try that in past relationships. I tried to pretend a request was a demand, I tried to pretend they had rules and expectations and that there would be consequences if I failed them. It didn’t work. It doesn’t work because it isn’t REAL. There were no consequences, and there were no demands, and I had no rules and there was no dominance. I was miserably unhappy and unfulfilled and I left them to search for something real. So I need to be forced to do things I don't want to do because I need to feel that power. And I can’t just wish a question into a command when Master makes a request. He’s asking. He’s giving me an option and a choice. If I didn't care about options and choices, I wouldn’t be a slave. But I do have feelings about them, very strong ones: I don’t want any. Control. Force. Being overpowered. Consequences. Objectification. I don't want to be asked what I want. I don’t want a say in what I GET. Yet here I am. Listing what I want, and what I want to get, and how I want to get it. And THAT fucks with my head. All because I can’t let go of needing what brought me here. Since being a slave is to serve him, fulfill his needs and desires then should the slave not understand that although maybe not voiced in the most masterful of ways the slave should just stfu and submit because it’s really not about how the slave wants it in either action or words? It should. But for me, it matters. That's why. |
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A slave is owned in the most literal sense of that term. She is property; chattel; livestock; a commodity – the terms are as many as they are politically incorrect. Master/mistress and slave are not a couple, not partners, not remotely equal, in any way, shape or form; and an absolute M/s relationship typically resembles one of owner/pet rather more than one of person/person. As with all other property, the owner may dispose of his slave entirely as he sees fit, without exception. There is no negotiation prior to accepting a collar; the dominant states his terms, and the would-be slave takes them or leaves them. There is no partial or temporary consent; it is total, once-and-for-all, and irrevocable. The absolute slave forfeits all human rights and privileges, and has no other – let alone 'higher' – duty or obligation, than to serve and obey her owner at all times, in every way, and to the very best of her ability. Because the slave's consent is permanent and all-encompassing, the concept of abuse within an absolute M/s relationship becomes meaningless. Anything that happens is entirely justified by the simple fact that the owner wants it to happen. |
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Absolute D/s is not something that we do as often as 'real life' allows, because to us it is real life. It is a lifestyle; the very foundation of all that we do, and everything that we are. Dominance and submission are natural imperatives, not conscious choices; they are driven by instinct, not desire. They do not come in degrees; they either are, or they are not. Reality is the key word in absolute D/s and one cannot, after all, be partially real. Absolute dominants and submissives do not separate D/s from other activities, because it is not an activity in and of itself. Our proclivities for domination or submission cannot be confined to any structure or specific context because they are congenital, not acquired. We dominate or submit, not because we want to do it, but because we can't not do it. In short, natural dominants and submissives are born, not made. |
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True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself /herself.' - Henry Miller |
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MY SERVITUDE CREED'A Slave Is Not A Slave Because She Wants To Be Beaten...Hurt...Brought To Tears, That Is A Masochist. A Slave Is Not A Slave Because She Wants To Be Controlled...Sit..Stand...Serve. That Is A Submissive. A SLAVE IS A SLAVE BECAUSE SHE ONLY DESIRES TO BE OR BECOME WHATEVER HER OWNER NEEDS HER TO BE WHEN HE NEEDS HER TO BE IT. THIS IS HER ONLY TASK...HER ONLY DUTY. FROM THIS ONE THING...MAKES ALL ELSE POSSIBLE.I DO NOT WANT YOUR LOVE OR LUST. I DO NOT NEED YOUR FAITH OR TRUST. OVER TIME THESE WILL FADE AND TURN TO DUST. JUST SUBMIT TO ME.'(Words of wisdom from my esteemed brother Orpheus) If you understand this you understand me but dont we still have desires that feed us. |
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Friedrich Nietzsche _'A man who says, 'I like this, I take it as my own and want to protect it and defend it;' a man who is able to manage something, to carry out a resolution, to remain faithful to a thought, to hold a woman, to punish and prostrate a woman who presumes too much; a man who has his wrath and his sword and to whom the weak, the suffering, the oppressed and even the animals willingly submit and naturally belong, in short, this man by nature is a Master.'_ |
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The Old Guard Our Code of Honor:•We seek dynamic, safe, sane and consensual energy exchanges.•We are Honest.•We keep our word.•We are Responsible.•We help those who are willing to help themself.•We teach those who really want to learn and we respect our teachers.•We freely express sincere respect, appreciation and affection because that builds energy.•We try to avoid debates with those who have closed minds for that is a waste of energy.•We respect relationships.•We do not gossip, back stab or reveal the personal information of others.•We realize some may fall short of these at times.•We are against bigotry, domestic abuse, child abuse, rape and government interference in our private lives.•We are for individual freedom, personal responsibility, and public service.•We do not bring into our inner circle those who do not strive to live by the above If you dont belive and live by this please dont contact me |
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'It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”J. W. Goethe |
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Recent events in my life have lead me to the point were i am seek to develop the friendships i have and some new ones this is so i can give myself enough time to get back to my best slave center. As a slave because that is were i am most contented and happy. If your looking from more from me we can see were thing lead. ( i am not ruling out finding that special Master for me but i am also not activly looking) i will be serving the Master's who have helped me to grow into who i am in the community and as a slave when requested by them to do so....... Who am i? .... i am the flower of early spring reaching for the sky who is just starting to bloom......into the person/slave She is to become.... Who is nervous about the world and people around her at times she hides in the tall grass ,in other times she bravely shows her brilliant colors to the world and people around her. she is playful at time's and other times the flower on the ground with a wilted stem from events in her life. she always come back to her full inner strength. She often wants to be supportive and encouraging but because of how it is said is misconstrued misunderstandings happen. This flower is delicate but strong she is trusting and caring almost to a fault and hope's nothing will ever change this in herself. She usaly dose not venture Beyond the confines of her picket fence (the Masters in her life she feels protected by and the place that is her second home The Lair de sade) She is always the awkward strange flower that some mock, Some see the beauty in her soul, others are confounded by, Some will never believe one can have a heart so free of malice. She will defend even the people who dislike her when she feels they have been done wrong because it is her nature and moral compass to do what is right and have compassion. Her greast joy is in serving the people she cares for deeply. It is in thous moments weather it be a flogging,spanking Cainningn, paddled ECT...(Forms of BDSM Masochism/service of a slave)or the simple act of serving a drink made to perfection,or cleaning. This is when her heart grow wings and allows her to continue to search for her own Master These times bring her back to her center. When she dose not have the time's of service she will doubt herself for a moment but is never far from her truth. She has the soul and heart of a slave that needs the balance of vanilla and BDSM. Her heart Which is to serve in how it is desired ...... she is now striving for grace dignity and beauty in everything she dose.....This is a work in progress In short if you have gotten this far i need a hedonistic sadist (if you don't understand my meaning ask me it not religion) with many years of exp and who is will to blend vanilla and BDSM yes i do believe a Master and slave can be married .The marriage just has guiding principals that are not vanilla here is a list of some of her favorite vanilla pastimes Disneyland (guess i am a kid at heart) Daisy's,wine tasting,carnivals, amusement parks (but no upside down rollacosters), traveling,fishing,camping, exploring new places, horseback riding. well thanks for reading this should give you a fairly good picture of who i am and what i am seeking. for more info about me please see my journal it has my latest profile is contained in it*recent emails and conversations have lead me to add this i expect full answer to questions asked, i do check references if i don't know you and you don't know people i know in the community i will will do a background check.* Warning: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. |
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What Is A Dom I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master. I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor. You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts. We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs. You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you. What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman could give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought. Comments |
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i feel i have moved on some from my very recent release of last Tuesday i am only putting this in here for the fact that it need to be said so it is only less thing to be covered when talking with potential trainers proctors or a master |
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Characteristics of a Master1-Honor in all. 2-Dominance of himself and of those who depend on his command.3-Consistency in his dealings with freepersons and slaves. 4-Strength to not be swayed from his principles. 5-Self-assured not dependant on others for approval. 6-Curiosity to delve into the individual.7-Wisdom to understand what curiosity has discovered. 8-Maturity to understand but not misuse the power of his mastery. 9-To have interest in and listen to the concerns of his slaves. 10-Compassion to hear the true feelings of his slaves, and deal fairly with issues raised within the confines of his principles and command. 11-Accountability to accept the responsibility for the behaviors of his slaves and himself, safety and security of his slave. 12-Courage to stand up for principles and honor, to stand and admit a mistake when he knows one was made. 13-Advocate for the endurance and prosperity of the culture. 14-Ally. 15-Mentor to others who have need of his example. |
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Servant's HeartA servant's heart subjects itself to its master.It is obedient to its authority.It is comfortable in the role it has chosen.It yields to the need of another.It rests in the master's command.A servant's heart finds power in meekness.It takes a step back to honor with time and works.A servant's heart desires the success of another.It is whole-hearted in its execution.A servant's heart surrenders self to serve a greater cause.A servant's heart just can't wait to wait on its master.It has learned that the first will be last and the last first.A servant's heart is one that finds joy in serving.It finds fun in giving.A servant's heart gains from giving while it grows in living.A servant's heart seeks to please its master.A servant's heart loves authenticity.It treats others the way it wants to be treated.A servant's heart willingly surrenders what is dear to aid in thegrowth of another.A servant's heart starts the day that selfishness ends.A servant's heart is developed…not inherited.It endures difficulty to complete its course.A servant's heart affects the hearts around it.It is joyful when it pleases so it hunts opportunities.It calculates ways to serve.A servant's heart is attentive to its master's nod.It is porous to new input and understands the value of authority.It forever learns how to serve better.A servant's heart is beautiful and a mystery to those unwilling togo its way.For it is counter to human instinct.A servant's heart never runs dry or it is serving for the wrongreasons.It never stops or it was only situational.A servant's heart is 24-7.We all serve a master |
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were has honer respect ,truth, respect, belief, gone it seem's that hardly any stand firm to their belifes instead they all blow with the wind of emotion's
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I am saddened at the state of some Dom's i have meet here so for now i am leaving it in GODS hand's
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Slavery is not about suffering . . . . . . slavery is about service. Slavery is not about humiliation . . . . . . slavery is about humility. Slavery is not about pain . . . . . . slavery is about being present. Slavery is not about being used . . . . . . slavery is about being of use. Slavery is not about control . . . . . . slavery is about letting go. Slavery is not about your desires . . . . . . slavery is about giving to others. Slavery is not about abuse . . . . . . slavery is about acceptance. Slavery is not about proving anything . . . . . . slavery is about being real. Slavery is not about contempt . . . . . . slavery is about respect. Slavery is not about how you look . . . . . . slavery is about how you care. Slavery is not about denying yourself . . . . . . slavery is about being open. Slavery is not about punishment . . . . . . slavery is about discipline. Slavery is not about escape . . . . . . slavery is about being committed. Slavery is not about submission . . . . . . slavery is about obedience. Slavery is not about fear . . . . . . slavery is about trust. Slavery is not about sex . . . . . . slavery is about love. Slavery is not about pleasure . . . . . . slavery is about happiness. |
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Post added: 2008-08-31 14:53:23 When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes. The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children and grandchildren. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. |
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The InvitationIt doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.I want to know what you ache forand if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.It doesn’t interest me how old you are.I want to know if you will risk looking like a foolfor lovefor your dreamfor the adventure of being alive.It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrowif you have been opened by life’s betrayalsor have become shrivelled and closedfrom fear of further pain.I want to know if you can sit with painmine or your ownwithout moving to hide itor fade itor fix it.I want to know if you can be with joymine or your ownif you can dance with wildnessand let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toeswithout cautioning usto be carefulto be realisticto remember the limitations of being human.It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling meis true.I want to know if you candisappoint anotherto be true to yourself.If you can bear the accusation of betrayaland not betray your own soul.If you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.I want to know if you can see Beautyeven when it is not prettyevery day.And if you can source your own lifefrom its presence.I want to know if you can live with failureyours and mineand still stand at the edge of the lakeand shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”It doesn’t interest meto know where you live or how much money you have.I want to know if you can get upafter the night of grief and despairweary and bruised to the boneand do what needs to be doneto feed the children.It doesn’t interest me who you knowor how you came to be here.I want to know if you will standin the centre of the firewith meand not shrink back.It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whomyou have studied.I want to know what sustains youfrom the insidewhen all else falls away.I want to know if you can be alonewith yourselfand if you truly like the company you keepin the empty moments.© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved
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This was found on an website jornal of my friend.A confused slave came before a wise Master who adored her. She felt that to submit to him would mean she would open her heart to unbearable pain should he ever leave her. She hungered for him and needed him, but was ready to walk away in panic.The gentle Master knelt her before him and started a tale of love and devotion. As she looked up at him his arms began to widen and open like a large tree stretches its branches to the sky. At that moment the Master appeared rooted to the floor and his impressive size towered above her like a giant tree. Then he began to speak...I'm here for you... now and always no matter how far time and space takes us... Whether you walk away from me today or you stay and serve me I will not turn from you. I am as patient as time itself; I will take not from you unless you give freely and completely of yourself, but I give onto you regardless-- for my love is unconditional...Like the olive tree that can both feed you and shade you, I am there seemingly eternal to your short life on this earth. If you need my fruit to feed your hunger I will give you all the fruit you need. If your skin grows dry and loses its luster, the oil from my fruit will restore it and make it glisten. When you need comfort my leaves will gently caress your face with the slightest breeze. When you need discipline my branches will correct you when the wind blows strong. If you just need my shade to protect you from the sun, my branches will shade and protect you. If you need warmth at night my fallen branches will fuel the fire to keep you warm and safe. If you need a refreshing breeze my leaves will fan you and cool you. You are my gardener.When you submit to me, you tend that which keeps me vibrant and full of life. When you kneel under me and till the soil, you give breath to my roots. When you water me, my sap flows strong through me raising my limping Branches. When you soil yourself collecting fertilizer with your bare hands, you strengthen and humble me with your devotion.Although my life will go on, life would not be the same without you. Your dedication and unconditional care for me keeps me vibrant and nurtures my very core. The sustenance and protection I give you seems little reward for your servitude. Still the gardener serves the tree from her heart and the tree gives to her heart all that he can!I am planted firmly on the ground and cannot follow you if you walk away from me.... But be assured I will survive. One hundred years later and two of your lifetimes; I will still be there, waiting for you in the same spot to offer you all that I do now.Stay with me and be my gardener. You cannot get lost in me for we are complementary to each other. I am your devotion, and you give meaning to my existence. Apart we live life and survive; together we bloom eternally!... As the Master finished his last words the slave cried herself to sleep at his feet. That night, he stood planted there like the Olive tree offering her his unconditional love and protection as she slept. As she would tend to him with her devotion the next day... and everyday thereafter! |
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This is so true for me.the Maste that i will weare his collar will have to fully understand that.I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. ~ Anais Nin |
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time spent toghter is important in vanilla setting and BDSM settings. spending time helps me to know i am chreished and it is the only way a realtionship can surive |
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ControlA young Dom and an Old Master were walking near a rushing river one day when the young Dom says, “I have had my little one (youngest sub) for almost 3 years and I still I can’t control her.” “Can you tell me what am I doing wrong Sir?” The old Master paused for a second and said, “A sub is a lot like a rushing river; if you want the river to bend to your will you don’t stand in the middle of it trying to confront it head on… even the strongest of beings haven fallen to its influence. But, if you give the river a different path to follow and guidance along that path it will surely follow your direction.” “But” the young Dom said bewildered “its the high walls that keep the river under control… how do I create the walls that will control my sub Sir?” The Old Master shook his head solemnly and sighed, “ Is it the walls that got higher or did the river carve its way deeper into the path?” The young Dom’s eyes opened wide as the old Master continued… “Let the river run along the path that you have laid and it will carve out its own prison…. the key is to control the path not the river.” |
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a friend sent this to me in response to a question i asked i think it respents what slave need want and feel. which can sometimes be so hard to express and something most understand in ther heartsstarting at the #### is not my own writting #### The relationship between a slave and master is a deep bond. It is probably the deepest bond that can exist between two people. Eventually, when she trusts, slave will allow her master to do anything with and to her for she has no greater joy than serving and pleasing him. She gives for she needs him to take her places and hold her in those places she can not reach by herself alone. She also needs him, as Beatrice to Dante, to be there to guide her out of these places of her mind and back to the mundane world... Some of those places are based on intense physical and sensual stimulation. Others are places of deep belonging and service that she can only achieve in a deeply committed relationship.... Her master knows of her need to feel. He also knows that she will (eventually) permit him anything to take her to these places in her mind. He rewards this deep commitment on her part by taking her to these places she seeks as her ultimate reward of her commitment and service.. She gifts of herself and he rewards that gift for there is nothing he can give her that is greater than what she has already handed to him.... That is the framework within which I can now address your questions on bondage, punishment and discipline.... Discipline: In most cases slave NEEDS discipline, it is part of what she seeks from her Master, a sense of stability and purpose to her life, a means of organizing and making ones life less 'messy'. Yet she also needs (as we will see later in bondage) a similar discipline to help her 'feel' the intensity of the sensation she both craves and flees from (for she will lose herself forever in this intensity and never reemerge to the world, which is her greatest fear). Her master provides this discipline to her life. It is not generally a physical discipline she seeks but a mental discipline. NOW the physical discipline I think YOU speak of, (correction, in my mind or in your mind, punishment) is what a master may use as a means of correcting undisciplined behavior. It is not punishment per se, it is a means of correcting the course of the slave, nothing more... But what see seeks is the discipline in her life to gain the things she NEEDS in her life. Hence.... Punishment: is rarely used. Slave has no greater joy than serving her master. Why should he have to punish her? Punishment is rarely used yet effectively used to 'correct' more egregious bad behaviors such as insubordination, narcissism, whining, arrogance etc. This should rarely if ever have to be done (why have a slave who is so undisciplined and full of themselves?! Get a new one!) Yet what about the whips, knives and such? Isn't that punishment??? Stimulation and Bondage: I am combining the two aspect here just to position the argument. One of the main things the slave seeks is overwhelming stimulation: physical, emotional, psychological, sensual and sexual. She doesn't usually know it yet but she seeks multi-modal stimulations... She seeks a master to get this stimulation since to properly get into the head space she needs she needs to totally trust and totally give herself to her partner for the intensity of stimulation that she seeks she can not acheive by herself. By each, slave and master, committing to this bond and relationship the slave is able to permit herself to totally let go and fall into the relationship with the total intensity of her body/mind with the full immediacy that she seeks.... That is why, in a proper relationship there is a slow roll out of building trust and confidence in the master before one seeks to embark on the depths of total stimulation that she seeks... That is why in a proper relationship there is a slow roll out of the master learning truly what stimulations the slave craves the most.... She needs time to know that she can rely on him so she doesn't have to leave a part of herself 'in the corner of the ceiling' keeping an eye on her body. She needs to trust to totally immerse herself in the stimulations... He needs to know her needs and know how to bring her back to this world at the end, in the denoument since her greatest fear is not being able to leave the burning cauldron of her passions and cravings, alive and unscarred, unscared... Bondage then is merely a means or a tool of stimulation, not an end in itself. The psychological sense of being unable to leave, protect oneself from, or escape from the stimulation is often a critical element in acheiving the depths of intensity the slave wants for often their urge is to pull away when the intensity reaches a breaking point yet falling off that cliff of experience, desecending that wave of surges building within her, is exactly the sensation she craves. She must be chained to the intensity of her needs otherwise she will never fulfill her needs... |
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this is something i belive in igive it some thought and it makes so much sense.What people don’t understand is that becoming a sub is like being an apprentice, it tireless, thankless work and you have to find some one that will allow you to find your self so that you can cultivate your own mindset. Being owned is where you hone your craft, your skill set, your art, and it is through the refinement of this craft that he or she develops the slave mind or the Enso as the Japanese call it. The Enso pertains to duality; in this sense pertains to a sub/slaves ability to exist as everything and nothing simultaneously like the Chinese yin and yang or the Japanese No and Yo, which is essential to the basic development of a human being. A sub is like the universe and within this universe everything that can be perceived is contained. They are strong in their mind and body, elegant in their preparation and service and enlightened in all aspects of service. This is the yang. The slave is like the void or the unperceivable. The slave is devoid of selfish desire and does not seek praise or status. They exist in a perpetual state of readiness until called upon. He or she performs their service without insolence, overconfidence, greed, anger, fear of failure, doubt, distrust, contempt, conceit and without hesitation. This is the yin. The dualities described above are two opposing but complementary forces yet each of them contains an element or seed of the other because neither can exist without the other. If you take away the void (slave) then the universe (sub) has no room to grow and will become stifled; or if you take away the universe then you are left with nothing tangible so training becomes confusing and challenging. As the poet and philosopher Titus Lucretius Carus said, “Since you must admit that there is nothing (a void) outside the universe, it can have no limit and is accordingly without end or measure.” Which means a sub /slaves ability to grow is immeasurable. Using this theory Enso training can be broken down into 3 aspects of a servant’s development. · Strength signifies a sub’s dedication to her journey as a sub, emotional toughness and resilience. It also represents his or her commitment to those they serve and their desire to better their self so that he or she can be of better service to his or there Master. · Elegance is the effortless way in which he or she carries out her service to there master and the level of decorum displayed under the most strenuous of tasks. · Enlightenment, the Mind aspect pertains to ones ability to loose ones self in ones service and the knowledge that is attained as they actively pursues this path. Enlightenment is also found in the discretion that is used in the utilization of this knowledge. The first are the physical or tangible aspects that are represented by strength. This is the easiest aspect to learn because as human beings we have been learning how to do physical tasks since we where born. Man is genetically predisposed to be tactile. That’s why the bulk of what a sub is taught is physical but, like a child as a sub grows there movements become more refined and eventually effortless which brings us to the second part which is Elegance. There isn’t a lot of mystery to the first 2 portions of Enso the third and hardest to achieve of these is Enlightenment, the Mind aspect which in my opinion can only be found threw experience. In closing a sub/slaves ability to grow is limitless but they need to have both sub and slave aspects in order to be healthy and well rounded and that is not something that cant be taught or mentored. The only way that they can achieve Enso is through hard work and dedication to following the path.
This was found on an website jornal of my friend.A confused slave came before a wise Master who adored her. She felt that to submit to him would mean she would open her heart to unbearable pain should he ever leave her. She hungered for him and needed him, but was ready to walk away in panic.The gentle Master knelt her before him and started a tale of love and devotion. As she looked up at him his arms began to widen and open like a large tree stretches its branches to the sky. At that moment the Master appeared rooted to the floor and his impressive size towered above her like a giant tree. Then he began to speak...I'm here for you... now and always no matter how far time and space takes us... Whether you walk away from me today or you stay and serve me I will not turn from you. I am as patient as time itself; I will take not from you unless you give freely and completely of yourself, but I give onto you regardless-- for my love is unconditional...Like the olive tree that can both feed you and shade you, I am there seemingly eternal to your short life on this earth. If you need my fruit to feed your hunger I will give you all the fruit you need. If your skin grows dry and loses its luster, the oil from my fruit will restore it and make it glisten. When you need comfort my leaves will gently caress your face with the slightest breeze. When you need discipline my branches will correct you when the wind blows strong. If you just need my shade to protect you from the sun, my branches will shade and protect you. If you need warmth at night my fallen branches will fuel the fire to keep you warm and safe. If you need a refreshing breeze my leaves will fan you and cool you. You are my gardener.When you submit to me, you tend that which keeps me vibrant and full of life. When you kneel under me and till the soil, you give breath to my roots. When you water me, my sap flows strong through me raising my limping Branches. When you soil yourself collecting fertilizer with your bare hands, you strengthen and humble me with your devotion.Although my life will go on, life would not be the same without you. Your dedication and unconditional care for me keeps me vibrant and nurtures my very core. The sustenance and protection I give you seems little reward for your servitude. Still the gardener serves the tree from her heart and the tree gives to her heart all that he can!I am planted firmly on the ground and cannot follow you if you walk away from me.... But be assured I will survive. One hundred years later and two of your lifetimes; I will still be there, waiting for you in the same spot to offer you all that I do now.Stay with me and be my gardener. You cannot get lost in me for we are complementary to each other. I am your devotion, and you give meaning to my existence. Apart we live life and survive; together we bloom eternally!... As the Master finished his last words the slave cried herself to sleep at his feet. That night, he stood planted there like the Olive tree offering her his unconditional love and protection as she slept. As she would tend to him with her devotion the next day... and everyday thereafter! |
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This is so true for me.the Maste that i will weare his collar will have to fully understand that.I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. ~ Anais Nin |
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time spent toghter is important in vanilla setting and BDSM settings. spending time helps me to know i am chreished and it is the only way a realtionship can surive |
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ControlA young Dom and an Old Master were walking near a rushing river one day when the young Dom says, “I have had my little one (youngest sub) for almost 3 years and I still I can’t control her.” “Can you tell me what am I doing wrong Sir?” The old Master paused for a second and said, “A sub is a lot like a rushing river; if you want the river to bend to your will you don’t stand in the middle of it trying to confront it head on… even the strongest of beings haven fallen to its influence. But, if you give the river a different path to follow and guidance along that path it will surely follow your direction.” “But” the young Dom said bewildered “its the high walls that keep the river under control… how do I create the walls that will control my sub Sir?” The Old Master shook his head solemnly and sighed, “ Is it the walls that got higher or did the river carve its way deeper into the path?” The young Dom’s eyes opened wide as the old Master continued… “Let the river run along the path that you have laid and it will carve out its own prison…. the key is to control the path not the river.” |
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a friend sent this to me in response to a question i asked i think it respents what slave need want and feel. which can sometimes be so hard to express and something most understand in ther heartsstarting at the #### is not my own writting #### The relationship between a slave and master is a deep bond. It is probably the deepest bond that can exist between two people. Eventually, when she trusts, slave will allow her master to do anything with and to her for she has no greater joy than serving and pleasing him. She gives for she needs him to take her places and hold her in those places she can not reach by herself alone. She also needs him, as Beatrice to Dante, to be there to guide her out of these places of her mind and back to the mundane world... Some of those places are based on intense physical and sensual stimulation. Others are places of deep belonging and service that she can only achieve in a deeply committed relationship.... Her master knows of her need to feel. He also knows that she will (eventually) permit him anything to take her to these places in her mind. He rewards this deep commitment on her part by taking her to these places she seeks as her ultimate reward of her commitment and service.. She gifts of herself and he rewards that gift for there is nothing he can give her that is greater than what she has already handed to him.... That is the framework within which I can now address your questions on bondage, punishment and discipline.... Discipline: In most cases slave NEEDS discipline, it is part of what she seeks from her Master, a sense of stability and purpose to her life, a means of organizing and making ones life less 'messy'. Yet she also needs (as we will see later in bondage) a similar discipline to help her 'feel' the intensity of the sensation she both craves and flees from (for she will lose herself forever in this intensity and never reemerge to the world, which is her greatest fear). Her master provides this discipline to her life. It is not generally a physical discipline she seeks but a mental discipline. NOW the physical discipline I think YOU speak of, (correction, in my mind or in your mind, punishment) is what a master may use as a means of correcting undisciplined behavior. It is not punishment per se, it is a means of correcting the course of the slave, nothing more... But what see seeks is the discipline in her life to gain the things she NEEDS in her life. Hence.... Punishment: is rarely used. Slave has no greater joy than serving her master. Why should he have to punish her? Punishment is rarely used yet effectively used to 'correct' more egregious bad behaviors such as insubordination, narcissism, whining, arrogance etc. This should rarely if ever have to be done (why have a slave who is so undisciplined and full of themselves?! Get a new one!) Yet what about the whips, knives and such? Isn't that punishment??? Stimulation and Bondage: I am combining the two aspect here just to position the argument. One of the main things the slave seeks is overwhelming stimulation: physical, emotional, psychological, sensual and sexual. She doesn't usually know it yet but she seeks multi-modal stimulations... She seeks a master to get this stimulation since to properly get into the head space she needs she needs to totally trust and totally give herself to her partner for the intensity of stimulation that she seeks she can not acheive by herself. By each, slave and master, committing to this bond and relationship the slave is able to permit herself to totally let go and fall into the relationship with the total intensity of her body/mind with the full immediacy that she seeks.... That is why, in a proper relationship there is a slow roll out of building trust and confidence in the master before one seeks to embark on the depths of total stimulation that she seeks... That is why in a proper relationship there is a slow roll out of the master learning truly what stimulations the slave craves the most.... She needs time to know that she can rely on him so she doesn't have to leave a part of herself 'in the corner of the ceiling' keeping an eye on her body. She needs to trust to totally immerse herself in the stimulations... He needs to know her needs and know how to bring her back to this world at the end, in the denoument since her greatest fear is not being able to leave the burning cauldron of her passions and cravings, alive and unscarred, unscared... Bondage then is merely a means or a tool of stimulation, not an end in itself. The psychological sense of being unable to leave, protect oneself from, or escape from the stimulation is often a critical element in acheiving the depths of intensity the slave wants for often their urge is to pull away when the intensity reaches a breaking point yet falling off that cliff of experience, desecending that wave of surges building within her, is exactly the sensation she craves. She must be chained to the intensity of her needs otherwise she will never fulfill her needs... |
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this is something i belive in igive it some thought and it makes so much sense.What people don’t understand is that becoming a sub is like being an apprentice, it tireless, thankless work and you have to find some one that will allow you to find your self so that you can cultivate your own mindset. Being owned is where you hone your craft, your skill set, your art, and it is through the refinement of this craft that he or she develops the slave mind or the Enso as the Japanese call it. The Enso pertains to duality; in this sense pertains to a sub/slaves ability to exist as everything and nothing simultaneously like the Chinese yin and yang or the Japanese No and Yo, which is essential to the basic development of a human being. A sub is like the universe and within this universe everything that can be perceived is contained. They are strong in their mind and body, elegant in their preparation and service and enlightened in all aspects of service. This is the yang. The slave is like the void or the unperceivable. The slave is devoid of selfish desire and does not seek praise or status. They exist in a perpetual state of readiness until called upon. He or she performs their service without insolence, overconfidence, greed, anger, fear of failure, doubt, distrust, contempt, conceit and without hesitation. This is the yin. The dualities described above are two opposing but complementary forces yet each of them contains an element or seed of the other because neither can exist without the other. If you take away the void (slave) then the universe (sub) has no room to grow and will become stifled; or if you take away the universe then you are left with nothing tangible so training becomes confusing and challenging. As the poet and philosopher Titus Lucretius Carus said, “Since you must admit that there is nothing (a void) outside the universe, it can have no limit and is accordingly without end or measure.” Which means a sub /slaves ability to grow is immeasurable. Using this theory Enso training can be broken down into 3 aspects of a servant’s development. · Strength signifies a sub’s dedication to her journey as a sub, emotional toughness and resilience. It also represents his or her commitment to those they serve and their desire to better their self so that he or she can be of better service to his or there Master. · Elegance is the effortless way in which he or she carries out her service to there master and the level of decorum displayed under the most strenuous of tasks. · Enlightenment, the Mind aspect pertains to ones ability to loose ones self in ones service and the knowledge that is attained as they actively pursues this path. Enlightenment is also found in the discretion that is used in the utilization of this knowledge. The first are the physical or tangible aspects that are represented by strength. This is the easiest aspect to learn because as human beings we have been learning how to do physical tasks since we where born. Man is genetically predisposed to be tactile. That’s why the bulk of what a sub is taught is physical but, like a child as a sub grows there movements become more refined and eventually effortless which brings us to the second part which is Elegance. There isn’t a lot of mystery to the first 2 portions of Enso the third and hardest to achieve of these is Enlightenment, the Mind aspect which in my opinion can only be found threw experience. In closing a sub/slaves ability to grow is limitless but they need to have both sub and slave aspects in order to be healthy and well rounded and that is not something that cant be taught or mentored. The only way that they can achieve Enso is through hard work and dedication to following the path. |
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Age: 36 |
Madison,
Wisconsin |
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