I have been in the Keys serving as Mr. Sharp's slave for almost 9 months now. Things are difficult for me to say the least.
I have proven to be a valuable and pleasing slave while I have yet to find my happiness. There are things that I wish I would have known before entering into this relationship. There are also things that I wish I would not have found out.
It is difficult if not impossible to erase something hurtful from your mind, heart and soul. Words, even if they are just written words, can be detrimental to a relationship. Once a statement is made, it can never be unsaid. One should be very careful to not write something you don't want someone else to see. Sometimes they aren't looking for it but, happen upon it accidentally and you may never know unless they tell you.
Then you wonder... why the demeanor change, why the depression sets back in, why the i don't care attitude, why the refusal to allow complete surrender.
Think back, is there something you said or wrote to someone else that may have triggered all of this, is there something you did not disclose before starting this relationship, are there things that she has expressed and not received, are there hard limits that were stated up front that you are now considering bringing into the relationship? One yes is enough to cause those feelings and actions but, when you have all of it combined.... it can be overwhelming especially to someone who has an unstable past already.
All I can say is..... I am still surviving and I will continue pushing through, just not sure in what direction yet.