Since I posted my last journal entry Mr. Sharp and I have discussed the things I am having issues with.  He has agreed that He would withdrawal the idea of breaking my hard limit and leave the decision up to me as to what I am willing to accept where the matter is concerned.  As for the item that was not disclosed to me prior to entering into this and holding me back from being able to submit completely, He says that He has thought about it more with me than any other slave He has had and would give it more consideration.  And I have agreed to try to communicate my feelings more openly and not hold them in and let them make me so uncomfortable.

We shall give it some time and see if this helps to change anything.

I have been in the Keys serving as Mr. Sharp's slave for almost 9 months now.  Things are difficult for me to say the least.  

I have proven to be a valuable and pleasing slave while I have yet to find my happiness.  There are things that I wish I would have known before entering into this relationship.  There are also things that I wish I would not have found out.

It is difficult if not impossible to erase something hurtful from your mind, heart and soul.  Words, even if they are just written words, can be detrimental to a relationship.  Once a statement is made, it can never be unsaid.  One should be very careful to not write something you don't want someone else to see.  Sometimes they aren't looking for it but, happen upon it accidentally and you may never know unless they tell you.

Then you wonder... why the demeanor change, why the depression sets back in, why the i don't care attitude, why the refusal to allow complete surrender.

Think back, is there something you said or wrote to someone else that may have triggered all of this, is there something you did not disclose before starting this relationship, are there things that she has expressed and not received, are there hard limits that were stated up front that you are now considering bringing into the relationship?  One yes is enough to cause those feelings and actions but, when you have all of it combined....  it can be overwhelming especially to someone who has an unstable past already.

All I can say is.....  I am still surviving and I will continue pushing through, just not sure in what direction yet.

So just for the fun of it, I took one of those silly quizzes and this is what it determined about me....  I think there might be something that is right on the dot with this one!

Experimental  100%

Submissive      86%

Exhibitionist/Voyeur  82%

Bondage  75%

Switch  64%

Degradation  61%

Masochist  57%

Dominant  21%

Sadist  18%

Vanilla  11%

If I ever feel completely happy, I will be looking around and taking cover because I know that is when the world will be coming to an end.

I have realized that I still don't allow myself to express my emotions.  My actions and demeanor sometimes give my feelings away yet, I still will not verbalize them.

I have recently relocated to the Florida Keys into the home of Mr. Sharp.  Sir, although strict, is taking very good care of me and I am finding myself happy at this point in my life.  Mr. Sharp seems to be very pleased with me and I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds for me in this life as His slave. 

We have a couples profile(christy4MrSharp) that we request correspondence go through.  Any and all correspondence with me should be done with the respect shown to Mr. Sharp that is deserved. 

I will check this profile on occasion but, if you want to correspond with me I check christy@MrSharpsFeet.com several times a day.