Good news!!!!! Didn’t do xrays like I thought we were going to do . Dr says that will be in a couple of months down the road to give the treatments time to work and we wont get a false reading. He also said since I am off the steroids and not having headaches or other side effects that tells him that the treatments are doing what we want them to do and have decreased the size of tumors in my brain. YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Cartwheel time…he also said that it will take about 2 months for the steroids to work out of my body and then my strength in my hips should come back. Though he did say also that steroids are most likely being used in my chemo treatment. I will have to check in on this on my next treatment. Thanks everyone for your prayers!!!!!

Stage 4   Adenocarcinoma of pulmonary origin non small cell that has metastasis to my brain , one mass in my upper right lung and 6  in my brain .

I go thursday to the Radiation doctor to see if the treatments are reduceing the size of the tumors in my brain.

chemo is a roller coaster ride filled with good moments and bad days. I dont have 4-5 hours of good moments anylonger it is more like an hour if i am lucky and then i am woren out. I have to go and lay down and rest for 3-4 hours to get back the strenght i need.

good news is the steoriods i am off of and the swelling in my right leg is gone still have it in my left leg but it too is also going down.

if ya'll would pray on wednesday night for me ...that the radiation is reduceing the size of the brian tumors i will be very greatful!!

I contacted a friend , a neurologist, I painted several of his planes for him, and asked if he knew of someone he would recommend for a second opinion. he asked who my doctor was , and i told him and he informed me that was the same doctor that treated his mother.he also called my doctor and then called me back and told me that i am getting the most up to date treatments so that is good news to hear.

Was a great day today, I got a lot of things done. Everything now is set up and ready to go for Friday. The hospital bed is working out, much easier to get in and out of, also to raise and lower. I have 6-8 months of chemo, all I can say is BRING IT ON! I am ready for it. Now that my steroids are being lower, my legs are working somewhat better. So that is good news.

When something like this happens, you learn who your true friends really are. I have had some surprises. Folks that I thought would be here for me are not and then folks I never dreamt would help me out are showing up at my door. Another thing that surprises me is how some people will react as if I am contagious. Come on folks…you cannot catch this from me. The owner of the company I worked for, last time I saw him I shook his hand and he spent the next five minutes wiping his hand off on his shirt. Believe next time I see him I am going to walk up to him and lay a big wet one on his cheek….I hope he pukes!!!!!! ROFL

First  I would like to thank all my friends for all the prayers, love , laughter and smiles they have given me over these past few weeks. HUGSSSS to ya’ll.

On September 4^th  I was just  walking out the door to go have my first chemo treatment and the phone rang. It was the finance department of the clinic I go to for chemo. She informs me that I need 2,500.00 dollars at this appointment. I inform her of my deductible and also inform her that myself and my insurance broker have called her numbers times to fill her in on how my insurance works and she never returned the calls. She tells me no money no treatment….Seems in the state of Oklahoma if you go to a hospital they cannot refuse you treatment. However, my chemo is being done in a clinic thus they have the right and did cancel my treatment. I had to rush around beg, borrow, and make loans but came up with a 1000.00 and got my treatment. My treatments are to take 3 hours and because of the delay of getting the money they crammed my treatment into a 2 hour session and well let’s say it wasn’t a fun experience. What really pisses me off here is if I was on medicare or some kind of government assistances this would have never happened. Nevertheless, with me paying my own way with my own insurance I am treated with no value for my life and the battle I am in. Nice little trick they played to wait until my appointment time and freak me out to get their money. Some people are such asshole’s . How do they get up in the morning and look proudly at themselves in the mirror knowing how they treat their fellow man.

Well good news is I have everything worked out now. So once again on the uphill road.

Another bonuse to all this is some of the wonder new folks I am meeting here on collarme. I am enjoying their conversations and getting to know them better. Yes there are still the players, But there are also some really high quality men out there. I had one that really impressed me. His first letter was a hit on. Then was another letter from him saying he was sorry, and then yet another saying that he read all of my profile and really felt bad about everything he had said in the first letter. I was impressed with this one…he kept going back to my profile and really looking at it. Looking I who I am , not just tits and ass. I am in this lifestyle because I know me, I am a control freak, just not a sadist, to harm someone I love is not in my book of rules. Like in any lifestyle, there are many different beliefs and forms. It takes all kinds to make this world a better place for all and all is needed at one time or another. Respect each other differences. Live, Learn , Grow, and MOVE ON!!!!

Wonderful days are here…Learning so much and really feel the need to share these thoughts. Since my posting on the wankers I am so happy to report they have left the building. Thank goodness. The good ones are stepping in line. To think all it took on my part is being perfectly clear ….NO SEX. I mean come on folks being a great lover is so damn easy, open communications, Listening, Knowing who you are , what you want, what you can not do…all simple stuff. The hard part is finding someone that is thinking along your lines to, have the same desires, yes there is plenty of room for compromise. But when you deal with your heart mind and soul…only you can and should take responsibility for that. You can share it, lend it, but overall you are reasonable for it.

A Friend is someone you can talk with and share with, a true friend is at your side when you don’t ask, an Acquaintances is someone who ya say hi too, chat a little, but really no evolvement, no potential of Deeping a friendship unless both have the courage, and backbone that it takes to build a TRUE friendship. So with that said folks remember a lot of folks out here say they are friends when in reality they are Acquaintances, Keep you eyes, heart , mind, and soul open…LISTEN to them and your heart aches will be less and your blessing will be deeper and more meaningful

Update…Well friends the doctors changed the game plan . I meet with the radiation doctor tomorrow…aug 18^th, aug 19 I start radiation…to treatmeants off Saturday and Sunday…radition and biobies  of one growth on the 20^th… I shall then finish all radiation on Sept 2, and then it is into chemo…I have so much I would like to say here besides this stuff…but looks like plans are to fight this battle….i be online when I can and want to thank all of you for all your prayers and best wishes. On the bright side….i cut off all my hair….I am one bad ass looking GI Jane and I am ready for battle…..have pictures taken and will try to post soon….it such a hot look I think……….LMAO

Medical update for all my friends and love ones that want and need to know what is going on , how I am feeling, and where I am mental, physically, and most of all spiritually.. I have been on collar me for some time…and I mainly chat in a chat room subs_for_Dommes. Thus this is the reason for the posting of this information here so I can go to the chat and visit , have some fun and not flood up the time I spend there having to repeat everything over over again. My friends and love ones…this is for you…I thank each and everyone of you for all of you love concerns, prayers ands best wishes…

I went for the first main appointment to my Cancer specialist to pull together from all the test, what I have, how many I have, what treatment will be ect. And this is what I found out…I have 6 masses in my brain, two in my lungs…the lungs cancer is what has caused the brain cancer… on the 28^th  I will do a pit/cit to find out what type of lung cancer and from there start chemo, then into radiation treatment …no surgeries, yes the chemo and radiation can cure me, and again I could die. Friends I stripped off looked over every inch o my body, bottom of me feet to the top of head….I see no expiration date….I am going to be fine. I have never in my life been filled with  so much peace , happiness and joy in my life. This Is all of because of one thing….my doctor is god…and he has a plan for me. He has things he wants me to say and do… and someday when he says it is time I will go to him . I am not depressed, I am not afraid….Everything is going to be ok…now as far as my journal here goes… you will see my thoughts and some of my beliefs on what is going on here with me. What god wants me to do. My life is in his hands, as is my financially state, finding my “throphysub” ect. He will take care of all things for me. So here I am to state. Living learning growing and becoming all that I can be will be and I am.

We have all heard the saying …don’t sweat the small stuff. Yes most of us push it to the side and find out smiles. Yet there are those times it seems to keep knocking on our door. …Like when the ugly lonely monster knocks….well folks let me tell ya…I found the secret to keep him from knocking…..but up a no trespassing sign …and when you see him walking up start thinking about everyone you have as a friend, how they make you smile. The family you have. Don’t  have one? adopt one…my closes family members are the friends I have adopted into my family…and man I have one big family…and with each warm thought I think about my friends and family I hear  a gun shot …see my friends and family are tag teaming him and blowing his but off our blocks…he isn’t allowed in our life’s any more…yes I don’t have that trophy sub….but I have many trophy friends and family…I will not allow that one wish try and knock the wind out of my sails….i have so much more to be thankful for…he may come one day…he may not…but either way the shine is always shining and the no trespassing sign is posted for monster lonely

As with many chat programs, collarme has many of the same issues that all the rest do. I have put up a profile explaining some about myself, only a few really listen. Just to let those of you out there that are not listening…if you send me an email…you will receive no response. For the masochist on here…say your time for someone else…I am not a sadist. If your desire is to get my attention…send a letter of introduction!!!! If you want to keep my attention then do your job and EARN it…and not with your kinky desires…that will also get you deleted.