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Male Dominant, 32, Middle, Tennessee
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Male Dominant, 51, Rockford, Illinois
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Male Dominant, 69, Central, Ohio
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About WarriorKitten
I range from mild to wild and everything in between. I have the sweetest most sensetive heart you'll ever find but I'm a nasty cunt. It's a slippery slope. You will be the love of my life and my worst enemy in the blink of an eye. Love grows in me like a tumor. Stage IV. It is taking me to my grave. Crying is a part of my day to day life for both good and bad reasons. If you cannot deal with that, move on. I am not a brat but I will push back. Kitty has claws...Don't say I didn't warn you.
If you're still reading, here's the good stuff!
My life has changed in the past few years and I think my profile should reflect that. While I am looking for a person to adore, I don't think that is a realisitic expectation. I'm all about the love. I have much to share. Come and get it! The more the merrier. *explanation to come*� Until said person arrives...
Here's some more about me and what I am looking for.
I guess I could be described as socially rebellious. I do my best to be myself at all costs which is not a quality often found these days. I tend to go against the grain a bit, which I think is a good thing. I actually have opinions and ask questions. I'm LOUD! I really don't mean to be loud though. My best and worst qualities are the same-I'm terribly passionate about what I feel, I'm blessed and cursed with the ability to be loyal at all times, I'm open minded to a fault and I am often too trusting. Some might call me naive, I call it innocent. There is no doubt I am a work in progress, I admit it. Always pessimistic but secretly optomistic. A contridiction in some way shape or form. I'm extremely sensitive and always follow my heart, being a dreamer and a romantic. I make mistakes, just like anyone else, but I take risks and I love learning from mistakes. No matter what happens, I can always see the good in people because I know I'm out here...there has to be SOMEBODY out there for me.
I consider myself to be fairly smart, funny and loving. I'm definately laid back. Reading is a hobby of mine; always looking to better myself. And escape for a while. My quest for wisdom, conventional or otherwise is ongoing. Writing clears my head when I'm confused or excited or inspired. Music soothes me. My tastes are eclectic. Art and creative minds intrigue me. The smarter the better.
I believe in women's reproductive rights, eliminating the social stigma associated with mental illness, equal/human rights, the legalization of marijuana and animal rights.
* NOH8
* Embracing a sex/kink-positive life is my mission. Learning, doing and teaching will forever be where I find joy.
* I still have faith in humanity.
* I am scared shitless but that wont hold me back.
* There is no room for negativity in my life.
* I am living this for real, it's not a fantasy.�
* You wont find me doing anything half way.
* I love liberally.� I harbor no anger.� I ebb and flow.
* I chase rainbows.� Sometimes I wish I'll never catch one...then I think, there will always be another to chase. And catch!
Both blood and chosen family is my life. They give me life, make me who I am and without them, I am lost. They are all I aspire to be with a free spirited, punk rock, whips and chains kind of twist. I consider my friends to be my family because the good thing about a free mind is the option to choose.
Physically, I'm a curvy girl with lots of appeal, both sweet and sexy plus a great smile; if you can get that far. I am tattooed and peirced and plan on getting more. Decorating my body excites me.
I've been submissive for as long as I can remember. Now I find myself curious about the deeper more soulful aspects of BDSM. Finding a Dominant seems difficult to me. Please don't misunderstand my submissiveness or my vulnerability. I am a strong and proud woman who has overcome many obstacles and will continue to do so. A lesser woman wouldn't be here.
Still, having an intimate connection with someone and rendering myself helpless is ingrained. There is a fire in my soul that most cannot seem to grasp. The one(s) who open their eyes to that fire within me and see me. Really see me, gets to keep me. And I'm something worth keeping. I will honor that person.
I am seeking someone(s) kind, disciplined, honest, inspiring, skilled, soulful, loving and patient. I'm looking for confident, funny people. Anyone who is independent, mature and smart. I need loyalty, honesty, comfort, selflessness and intrigue. It's hard enough finding those qualities in a vanilla partner. I want a partner who encourages me to be a better person. For myself, for them. Someone who I could talk to for days and never get bored. An intellectual equal. Someone who doesn't mind opening their heart and mind to me. Maybe it's not conventional but I'm unconventional.
I live my life with passion. I am affectionate and tender. Whimsical, spontanious, loving, funny interactions fuel me. I love to laugh! I'm silly! Can you get me in a giggle fit?
While, I find myself submissive I do slide the scale back and forth. Okay, it seems that I'm quite the little massochist, I'll admit. But I need more than kinky sex. Recently, I've become interested in protocol. That might take some time but if you're patient, you'll see, I have the heart for it.
I really feel that when you find that connection with someone...it could be bliss.
*With that said, while I do have love to share and would like a partner, I can't say I'm looking. When you look, you don't find. At this time, I am more interested in a community of people who inspire, encourage, engage and love me. It's all about the LOVE people! *
Sexploration is just the bonus ;)
Tell me who you are, show me who you are.� Make me want to know you!
I am looking for friends first with possiblility of more.
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My tolerance is low. I'm developing a skill for deleting messages instead of being snarky. Keep the peace! |
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There is a new Warrior in town :)
See default profile pic. |
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So tired. I just cannot respond to emails.
Break time. |
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I find joy in the most unexpected places.
MichaelDole is one of them. |
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Photo change including my promise photos which is me, happy lying on my bed giggling. No makeup, messy hair and sans red bull. |
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Do you know the origin of the title Master?
Look it up. You may be surprised. |
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While I'm still hesitant to link my personal blog, I have decided to post my Tumblr.
?
It's a good representation of who I am, what I like or feel. You may find funny, cute, sexy, beautiful, romantic and serious. Things both in images and writing. Basically a really good indication of how strange I really am.
?
Also, it's NSFW, just like me.
?
http://inspiredwarriorkitten.tumblr.com/ |
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This year so far has been full of win. All week long I've been in nesting mode; cooking day and night. I think I've washed more dishes the past couple of days than I had all of 2010.
Night falls and I'm just plain angry. The reason is loud and clear...or not. See, all my life I've thought I'm something that I might not be. It's so confusing.
I'm all 'Hey baby, what's my sign?' This is some fucked up shit that I'm not cool with. For real!
Right about now I wish for someone to cuddle me, feed me something sweet and hot while explaining what my astrological sign is. Maybe then I'll get some rest.
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An experiment and promise.
From this day forward, you find that at least one of my profile photos will include something:
* Current.
* Taken by me.
* Taken from a camera phone.
* Taken in my bedroom.
* Sans makeup.
* Most likely with bed head.
* Wearing a strange facial expression and/or cranky face.
Anyone who might want to be a part of my life needs to know what I look like on a daily basis. Also, my hair changes of frequently.
Normal girls don't put on sailor outfits and take photos. That includes me and I'm of the opinion that there's no such thing as normal. Dressing up is fun for about an hour and then it's pure misery. If I'm forced to put clothing on, you'll find me in jeans and t-shirts. So, I invite you to see what I look like before caffiene.
Enjoy. |
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So this morning Mommy gave me a little plush Giraffe. I think it is genderless and I'm still contemplating on a name. Upon further inspection, I noticed, it has a little zippered pocket. A very special long neck pony indeed.
Obviously, something needs to be put in there. So I ponder. ThinkThinkThink. Whoa! I need a rape whistle. Andddd, I tweet. Apparently my friends think this whistle is to call them for when I need raping.
Hrmm. Totally was not anticipating that response. Too naive for my own peversion.
ThinkThinkThink. Got it!
I just need to get two rape whistles so my people can tell the difference between RAPE! and RAPE?
SUCCESS!
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Often these epic and awesome people view my profile. I'm too shy to contact them and then a bunch of uninteresting people (to me, maybe not to others) clog my viewed feed. By the time I have the balls to write, they slipped to the bottom and off my list. Gone forever. I should stop being hesitant. |
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Make no mistake, I'm no model, nor will I ever claim to be. Everything about the way that I look is not the norm especially when it comes what is socially acceptable. Even if I did fit the mold, I couldn't do it. I'm clumsy, akward and can't pose. I fall walking a straight line sober...it's just a big mess.
The photos taken of me are action and purely for the sake of fun/art/porn. A common photo shoot includes pie, knitting, rope, tons of waiting, and laughter. In between all that, dirty things happen. It's really just a good reason to get together and put our silly, absurd ideas into play.
It's my good fortune that I'm surrounded by amazing, talented people who I trust and love unconditionally.
Really though, never ever in a million years did I ever think I'd be in a book...but I am! DOES HAPPY DANCE
Check it out kids: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1875598
See if you can find me  |
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Ever hear people say 'I don't give a fuck' Yeah, that's code for all I do is give a fuck ABOUT EVERYTHING.
Well here it is: I DON'T GIVE FLYING FUCK. Get it?
Unconditional love...well, not everyone is capable. I am and it's bloddy exahusting. I feel everything. My pain/pleasure. The same of my friends, family and chosen family. A news article sends me reeling. Children playing bring me to tears. This is not a simple mood swing...it's my heart being pushed and pulled every which way. Being in tune to pain and pleasure it's my most cherished curse.
Where is the line between a liability/asset? Balance kitten...balance.
This year I've made a list of priorities. Needs, wants and misc. Health is first priority. Doctors: get ready! My house will be a home. I'll nest. There will always be coffee and food for my chosen family. There will always be gas in my car...for escape. Bills will be paid. Critters loved and tended after. New experiences outside of BDSM. And school, finally.
It's impossible to love another or be loved if my own needs are not met. This is my responsibility.
Oh, and cuddle parties. I'm hosting :)
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I've accidentally (on purpose) neglected social networking because I've been busy living my life. Enjoying the company of those I love is rewarding.
Hey, I fail at correspondence lately. No worries though. This kitten is a list maker and I'm going to keep in touch. As soon as I can breathe and get to a computer, I'll tell you of my adventures. No one is forgotten.
Yes, I'm talking to you :) |
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TiedUp was a total hit. All rope, all day. Winter Solstace up next. You really can't ring in the New Year a better way. All registered for DOWF. It's an anniversary of sorts. Got in first 100. Super excited. #family
In the meantime, I have a shit ton of important things to accomplish in between. I'm trying to reminding myself that one day at a time is a good approach. These are all positive changes in my environment. A cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind. #clarity
Now, I am slightly disappointed that I didn't make the NOH8 photo shoot. It's not easy to accept that I cannot do everything. Physical and mental health do come first. Rest was needed and I try my best to contibute to our world. #priorities.
Life is good indeed. |
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It's impossible to not shudder with delight when the one who took your strap-op cherry tells you this: 'I'm so hot that my silicone cock has pre-cum on it'
Damn these state lines. I'll probably wreck the sheets tonight. This feels electric. |
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I'm a little torn here. I love my profile because it describes me, what I would like and what I am passionate about. Changing it to suit others needs seems easy but don't really want to compromise who I am. It feels like selling out.
For most, I'm intimidating, bold, wordy, needy. It's true. There is so much more and perhaps it's a defense mechanism. Perhaps it's MY dominant nature. If having intellect is frightening, then you're not for me. In my personal opinion, I'm not viewed as a sub.
None of this takes away my willingness to submit, my humanity or my maternal instincts.
Do I post my blog?
The truth is no one really reads the actual profile anyway. Only photos. Everyone wants the photos.
It's a pro and a con. Vulnerability is dangerous.
What say you? |
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Oh, mobile CM is a huge fail. It make profile updates difficult.
My interests change with the tides. This is not to say I lose interest in other things. The more I learn, the more complex things become...in a positive light.
Always ebbing, flowing. Growth is inevitable. |
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Today I fell in love with a window, learned to appreciate the rain and overcame a debilitating fear.
Today, I win at life. |
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What is Strap-on backwards?
That's right kids...NO Parts ;) |
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I really appreciate the compliments, I do. I'm not ungrateful. Still, it's frustrating when I get the two word email. 'Sexy lips' or the like.
The hard cold truth is that beauty isn't what makes a person. It will fade.
Here is an amazing post on being pretty.
http://www.dressaday.com/2006/10/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty.html |
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If you use the term 'true' regarding dominance or submission in your profile, I will disregard you.
Who is to judge what makes someone truly anything? |
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Fellow heathens, there has been a rash of suicides within the GLBTQI community recently. The reason for this is because of shame, bullying, intolerance, ignorance, fear and just plain hate. This is the nations problem and should not be tolerated.
Teach your children not to hate, not to bully, to stand up to bullying. If your child is part of this community, talk to them. There are other options and resources. They are loved and do not have to resort to death to escape torment from peers.
OUR CHILDREN ARE DYING! HATE BREEDS HATE. Do not turn a blind eye. Help them! |
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9 years ago today I was watching the NYC skyline and saw the world change. 9 years ago I saw what a nation dictated by fear looks like. Today I focus on love, peace, understanding, and growth; not revenge. |
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I'd like to broaden my horizons.
Lately I've been thinking and it occured to me that I could use a friend, with the possibility of more.
Perhaps a submissive female bisexual in the NY area. Someone to share secrets with, cuddles, and intellect. Chemistry and dynamic matter a great deal. Someone loving and loyal.
Let's talk.
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Because I am fulfilled in so many ways I keep my chin up, stay grateful and don't think of what I am missing. My chosen family is a blessing. The love, understanding and acceptance I treasure. They maintain needs that I require. Again, love. Also, my masochistic side is well attended to. Still, what I do not have is the deep, soulful, romantic submission that I crave. I love hard, fast, deeply. I'm petrified. |
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Using massagers for their intended purpose feels like sacriledge. Fucking broken back. Mrrr! |
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Love in my life is abundant. I am a very fortunate girl. Strange how the realization comes at the perfect moments.
Our Universe is pretty quirky and profound that way. |
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Oh yeah, did you notice? I walked into a chapel in Bruges and didn't burst into flames.
Miracle? Something for me to ponder.
BTW, that was me looking at a rare Michaelanelo sculpture of Madonna and child. It's got amazing history. |
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Life doesn't give you a second canvas. So all you can do is paint on. And, sometimes, even over.
check out this blog. be inspired, be refreshed. |
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Sometimes others disappoint us. It's difficult to remember that this is not a reflection on ourselves. Let it go kitten.
There is too much happiness in your life to focus on peoples letdown.
Onward. |
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Once in a while, rarely, you experience something miraculous. This is when you can pinpoint the moment(s) your life has you changed forever.
It can be a fantasy fulfilled, a soulmate or family found, a fear overcome, maybe just a atmosphere so welcoming that it is simply overwhelming. You feel joy. A constant joy.
This happened to me and I am a changed woman, a better woman, and a grateful woman.
This past week I experienced things, witnessed things, attended events, aquired valuable knowledge, engaged people, and most of all...got to be free. That is who I am!
I really believe that you receive what you put out. This universe will reward you. It rewarded me. |
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This week I had to end my oldest friendship for my own personal health and growth. I'm quite sad and a bit ashamed at the way I handled the situation.
I will no longer attempt to battle ignorance or intolerance with reason. Some people simply refuse be taught.
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Even the most awful mistakes beat the fuck out of not bothering to try. |
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Him: What is there to understand? You are a multicolored and multifacted whirling thing.
Him: Understanding you would cause psychosis.
Him: Appreciating you is much more profitable.
Be still, my beating heart. Sigh!
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yes is a pleasant country:
if?s wintry
(my lovely)
let?s open the year
both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear
love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one
(and april?s where we?re)
ee cummings
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -Mark Twain |
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A while back I read a journal entry from a Dominant saying that he noticed that many people had profiles up for years and wondered why no one had found anyone.? He fell into that category.? I do as well.
Things happen to us over the course of the years and no one is broken or fundamentally unable to maintain relationships.? Well, that's my opinion anyway.
I believe that we are all on a journey.? The path we are on allow us to learn along the way.? We realize what we do and do not want out of a partner.? It makes us better for the next.
Over the years, I have triumphed and I'm proud.?
Yes, my profile has been up since 2007.? I have loved and lost.? I have learned from exceptional people and owe them more than I can possibly give.? That being said, my wants and needs have changed.? My profile now reflects that change.?
Yes, I am looking for someone but not actively.? I am more interested in making solid connections.? These interactions can include a multitude of things such as (but not limited to) social, intellectual, spiritual, romantic, sexual, D/s, friendship, mentorships and so on.?
I am on a positive new path for which I am very grateful.?
Join me? |
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It's important to remember that people come into our lives for a reason. Everyone has purpose. Almost a year ago, I began corresponding with a man from this site. We live across the country from one another. He saved me from myself, gave me confidence in submission, let me live in my fantasy, relished my tears and showed me that I am free to be me.
How strangers create a bond over time is complex and intimate. He has never laid a finger on me yet I am touched by him every day. He found my soul and I love him. No, I worship him...willingly and joyfully. We live separate lives and have separate relationships but the bond is here to stay.
Today, I am experiencing things I never dreamed I would have the courage to try.
A Sadist set me free! Someday, I'll repay him with my milk and blood and breath.
I found this poem a few days ago. It reminds me of us.
The New Species
I want to weave you into me. Stick your thorns in and grow. Bleed sap and feel this shining light. Grow strange leaves. Bear this fruit. Share this soil. Bury ourselves. Reach for the sun. Strip this bark. Carve a name and a heart into me. Please.
-via I Wrote This for You
Bloody Kisses Dadddy |
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i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh ? And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new
-ee cummings |
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Sin and love and fear are just sounds that people who never sinned nor loved nor feared have for what they never had and cannot have until they forget the words. -William Cuthbert Faulkner |
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Love
"Two thoughts on this subject. both are copyrighted and neither are
contradictory, the first is spiritual, the other psychological, and both are
excepts from past writings based upon the definition of love to be the one
previously agreed upon by Robert Heinlein.
It takes no time at all to fall in love with someone. Love, all love, is
instantaneous upon introduction. Love at first sight is all there is. It takes
the heart no time at all to recognize a kindred spirit, an ambient soul.
however, due to reasons privately kept, it takes each of us a varied amount of
time to stop thinking long enough to realize we already feel this way.
The second thought is that loving someone is a decided act, based upon our own
thoughts. it isn't an emotion, but rather a state of being we create for
ourselves by our actions.this state of being is only created by acting from the
belief that you are already there. If a person was to stop and decide to take
the very actions a person does take when they are in love, then they will be in
love.
When two people do this together, they fall in love together. However love isnt
constant. it is a fleeting place we often stumble into blindly, too many only
get there by falling...
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"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker" |
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Scared Shitless.
I am not a poet or a storyteller but I consider myself a writer. I cannot comment on how good of a writer I am because I am hesitant to show anyone my work. I write for me and me alone. Although creative, I will never be one of those mothers who sits at her childs bedside rambling make believe stories off the top of my head fueled purely by imagination. I am fueled by emotion and it is an asset and liability at the same time. Logic does not enter my realm although I'm working on it.
My brain is scrambled. The thoughts, emotions and frustrations swirl about like a sandstorm. My only relief is to journal. It is my creative outlet, my escape.
Here is where the problem comes in. I haven't written in over a year. I thought I had writers block but I have had a revelation. There is no writers block. What did it take for me to realize this you ask? Emily. I wrote her a letter. A child freed me. It flowed freely and passionately. And I sobbed. I gave her my heart in ink.
A few days later, I cried my eyes out writing an email to my girlfriends. It came easy.
A week later I wrote a beautiful heartfelt poetic letter to a stranger in another country. *now a rant* This letter was so perfectly executed, innocent and giving but went unappreciated. At first I was hurt. Then I was angry. I felt that I wasted my words on someone who was not worthy. I don't feel that way anymore. He IS worthy and when he can see past the fear and look at the emotion, he will understand. Plus, no writing is a waste. I freed my heart for a breif time. So despite the bruised ego, I do even want to thank him for inspiring me to FEEL.
So here is my problem. I am terrified. I keep an online journal. My ex has access to it. It is public. The reason I haven't written is not because I can't write but because I let him take my power. I did this. I did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how I was doing, who I was with, my moods, my journey. So basically, I censored myself.
For all the raving I do about not giving a shit about other peoples judgments of myself and others, I let myself fall into that exact position I always fight against. I cared what he thought. Why? The question keeps running through my head over and over again like a broken record. But that's the funny thing about revelations. They REVEAL. So I see my mistake and I will not make it again.
The simple solution would be to make my entries private or start a new journal but I'm too stubborn for that. I like being public. And I'm fucking done being petrified. I'm taking my power back. No longer will any man hold me back. I will not be locked in the cell of my brain to sort out this rush of emotion with no outlet. I will write. Anything, Everything. Whenever, wherever I want.
Words are my weapons, my solace, my joy. So I write. Starting today. |
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Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above. -Gia
*This journal quote is not my own. I think many can relate to it. When I read it and re-read it, it resonates so profoundly in my heart. I am touched time and time again. So sad to think she was dying when she came to this understanding. |
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I am real. I am me. No longer a shadow of my former shadow of myself. I feel free again. It is pefection. I can feel again, finally. There are words scrambling around in my brain. Tomorrow I write. Not just scrawling and not on this forum. I feel EVERYTHING. There is not an emotion that escapes me. Maybe that is what makes me different. I will pour it all out, no shame, no fear, no censorship. My dreams will lead me to the path of inspiration. Freedom. If you are interested, let me know. Open book...heart on sleeve. |
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I enjoy pleasing a man; people in general...giving joy. There is one thing that surpasses all other things.
Pleasing a child. Not just any child. A spectacular child. One who treats you like family when you are not. One who runs out of her front door screaming your name before you shut your engine off, wiping tears from your eyes and suddenly all the dark clouds are gone when you thought it impossible. She gives me rainbows.
Yesterday was her ninth birthday. She appreciates the simple things. I went to get my nails done and and called her mother to find out her favorite colors. The kid was ecstatic. Simple things.
To show my appreciation, I struggled for a week with my words. This is not a young girl who thrives on materialism. So I pondered. She understood that the three page letter I penned in a new journal for her was the gift; that the stuffed kitty and the gift card were just a bonus. She understood the meaning behind every word I scrawled. She understood that I was so nervous writing to her that my penmanship was poor...I was shaking like a leaf. She is that important. I had to type it out in case she couldn't read it. She understood the meaning behind the pink pen and ribbon; the struggle of womanhood and breast cancer.
She named the soft new stuffed kitty....
"Warrior Kitten"
Bestill my heart. |
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Okay, first (this is weird and quirky like me) I love to journal but hate that it moves the older journals to the next page. Just annoying to me. Secondly, this is going to be a little scattered but will, like me, fall into place.
A lot has happened recently. I felt it was important that I change my profile to reflect that. I knew that by doing that and revealing more of myself, I would be putting myself at risk. So my profile now has a disclaimer, so to speak. As expected, since then, there has been a significant drop in the number of people who view my profile. Like I said, I expected it. Part of me is insulted. The other part, is amused. The insulted part is the voice in my head saying "Can't they see that I'm pouring my heart out?? It's right there for all the world to see!" The part that is amused is the voice that says "See, I knew this would keep away the weak Doms and offer the real ones a challenge" After all, that was my intention. So I'm not really sore about it.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is complimenting people. I'm very open and always tell people how I feel about them. I try to do it in a way that makes them KNOW it. I am not a kiss ass so when I say something nice, I really mean it.
People say nice things to me all the time. Good job if you succeed in making me believe it. "Hey hottie" doesn't quite do the trick.
My favorite person is a man of few words so when he says something, you'd better listen up. It sent me flying when he told me 'You have a good soul' Then of course, utter the words 'good girl' and I'm electric.
Two weeks ago I was called "Too intense". That was code for 'scary' It might have been an insult but I found myself relishing in the fact that I was intense. That to me, is a compliment. Everything should be done with passion.
Finally, I have an old friend from a far away land that I met on a vanilla website. We reconnected recently and I graced him with the link to my CM profile to see the 'real' me.
Here's where it all falls together. I was beginning to regret changing my profile and scaring people away....was very seriously contemplating changing it back.
But what he said....far away, open minded, vanilla man, made me change my mind.
I am complimented on my writing frequently but never like this. His words were "your turn of phrase is.....(loss for words)" melt my heart. Just those five words. Turn of phrase? Who says that? No one has ever paid attention to the way that I write...only what I write. It really touched me. Now that's how to turn a warrior into mush!
Then I asked him if he thought I was scary (because I'm beginning to get a complex) and he said 'No, you are....kind of, kinda... enchanting'
Me? Enchanting. I've never thought about it but the truth is, I am. It took a stranger to make me see it.
So to all of you who don't read my profile because I have 'baggage' or am 'toppy' or whatever comes to mind. I don't care because I carry the label of 'ENCHANTING'
And a little peice of advice to everyone.
LOVE LIBERALLY |
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Because you are so beautifly divine that it makes me want to cry. I want to fall to the floor at your mercy to bear my soul and spill my blood. |
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How many thoughts and emotions can run through one persons mind and heart on one single day? Sometimes I amaze myself. It feels like I should spontaniously combust from all of this frenzied activity. It's constant. It's not a manic state, or even a mixed episode. It's very mild, emotional, happy, meloncholy, inquisitive, introspective, romantic, dark, peaceful, violent and submissive place. It's a safe and warm place to be. It feels natural. At the same time, my mind is so active, I can't keep track of one thought because I'm so quickly onto the next. It makes it very frustrating and contributes to my writers block. I wish I had someone I could just jot down random thoughts to....someone who could sort them out with me later when I am more at ease. Preferably after a good beating and a convulsing orgasm. Just a thought. :) I looked at the quote I posted today and it inspired me to pull out Little Birds and try to break the readers block curse with some french erotica. I hope it works. I wish I could express myself with only music. A walking soundtrack...you'd be surprised. I am moved to the core by music lately. It is such an intense outlet for me and I am ever so grateful. Forsake the Gods and Godesses who did not give me the gift of musicallity. Ah, it rests in my soul, as does so many other things. |
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Spinning on that dizzy edge I kissed her face and kissed her head, dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow ... |
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I've been listening to the same five songs on repeat for the last two weeks. OCD much? |
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Vacation Journal Entry
August 1, 2009
Explorer of the Seas
I don't know what time it is. There is no time on vacation. I don't feel well and am not in vacation mode. The reality of the past days events have shaken me to the core. My past, present and future haunt me. I need to have some serious talks with a lot of people. I am not heartbroken, just confused and alone. My plans have been broken by the past weeks events. I am happy, I am sad. I am hopeful, I am pessemistic. I have no communication with anyone who knows my story for the next week and that is okay. I need this time away. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe being a dreamer and a lover is too much.
Sun tomorrow. Hopefully this despair will dissapate. Non-communication with the ones I love and count on makes me uneasy. I truly feel alone and abandoned. Also hopeful and convinced I have what it takes. Such a contradiction. Always a warrior.
It's the open seas. Maybe I can find some peace here. |
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The best things in life...aren't things. |
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Some say heartache fades away and it does... for a while. But it creeps back in when you least expect it, haunting your sleep and darkening your days. |
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How can you love someone who seems (seems) pure evil? |
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A very good friend posted this... I love it.
don't worry about failure, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try ;-)
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One of the smartest, sexiest, most subservient slaves I've ever encountered posted this in a blog. I couldn't agree more...so here it is....
And finally I have learned that the concept of "being in the right place in your life for a relationship" is BULLSHIT! We do NOT have to be where we think we should be...... we do NOT need to be personally empowered in order to be ready to be with someone.... Everything doesn't have to be pretty to be right.... So long as One has life figured out or has a plan - and here's the profound part: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ME..... there is possibility.... so long as together we are greater than the sum of our parts, who is anyone to judge?
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Time really does heal all wounds. |
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Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis.
-Alabama Worley |
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I've been thinking lately about my friends who are no longer with me. People I loved dearly. They come to me in my dreams. My dreams have been good ones lately. I think I have been healing. Last March, I was handcuffed to a hospital bed. Today I dance and sing at the top of my lungs naked in my apartment. I pay tribute to them by being joyous. A friend also has brought the topic of Karma to my mind. I'm contemplating that as well. I don't really want to get into the inner workings of my thinking process but Today, my opinion is that Karma is a bitch. It matters how we treat people. Some things come back to haunt us. The greatest revenge is being happy.
So I am happy and joyous and unique and free! |
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Let me elaborate on my previous post...
In March of last year I overdosed on klonopin. A half hearted suicide attempt, I'll admit. It was selfish and I realize this now. If not for the bond between myself and my mother, I wouldn't be here today. I never would have told her what I'd done. So she is my hero.
I also realize that I was very sick. Thank goodness, I'm much better now...possibly even happy.
Back story...
I had an awesome friend John in High School. We lost touch after graduation but we were so close. Years ago, he killed himself. We didn't find out about it until much later. I was devastated.
Some of you know that I suffer from nightmares consecutively each night for the past year. Lately though, I've been dreaming of him. In one dream, I found him and lost him and my subconcious searched for him until I had to wake myself. In another, we found each other and I knew he was going to commit suicide so I didn't leave his side. We had a blast, hanging out each day. I love visiting old friends and family in dreams. It's so real and I feel like he is here with me now.
Moving on...I can't seem to get past the fact that he died and never knew how much I loved him. I realize now the impact of my suicide attempt had I succeeded. I know now that someone, somewhere, is thinking about me and loving me without me even realizing it.
So I'm not going to be the one who forgets to say "I love you" My heart is full and every day is precious.
Tell the people you love how you feel while you have the chance.
Love freely! Open your heart.
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Have you told someone that you love them today? Now is a good time. You don't want to be the person who forgot to say 'I love you'. Day to day, remember those who mean the most to you and remind them. |
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My neurotransmitters are firing. Love dopamine and seratonin.
I feel HAPPY! And that was my one wish. |
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What would you do with just one wish? And you can't say money or more wishes... |
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If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true, and help me...understand...cause I've been in love was more than just holding hands.
If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start. |
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They say that things just cannot grow beneath the winter snow...or so I have been told. |
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Collapse into me tired with joy! |
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I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places
I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science
Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm are
-Set the fire to the third bar
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I love it when you find a really old song, new to you and can't stop listening to it. |
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First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.
The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And felt your heart beat close to mine
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command.
And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
It would last till the end of time my love
The first time ever I saw your face, your face, your face, your face
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Pain
I don?t quite know what scale my pain tolerence would fall under. I like pain very much. I suspect I can take a good deal of moderate pain for a fairly long time. Or heavy pain for a short time. I like thudy pain that makes you ache from the inside. I like stingy pain that raises welts and breaks skin making you squirm or howl. I like to be a sobbing mess of a woman crying out from the pain that that only a sadist can give me. I love the emotional release. It?s freeing. I love the lingering fingertip over a welt or the sweet kisses in my ear between strikes. The checking to see if I?m okay. The respect I give by laying down my body for someone and the respect I get in return for honoring him and allowing him to use me as he wished. I love the application of neosporin on my body. Like a ritual. I love living with scabs from a single tail for two or more weeks. I love the blacks and the blues of a bite mark. I love to see marks on me. To be struck with a cane over the tops of my thighs where I can see the welt appear and I feel more connected than ever, no matter how far from me he is. More than the pain, I love the intimate bond that is created between two people who adore one another and give to one another. I take pain mostly for the closeness. |
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I really want you to really want me.
I really want you.
I really want you.
Now.
No matter what I say or do, the message isn't getting through. And your listening to the sound of my breaking heart. |
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I just wish I had someone to hold me as I cry. |
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Cover me, cover me
Spread your precious love all over me
Oh can't you see the need in me
Oh cover me, cover me
Hide me, hide me
Where no other love can find me
Oh I'm feeling cold, I need you so
Oh cover me, cover me
My love for you gets stronger everyday
Oh, temptation might be waiting round the way
When I'm lost and I get led astray
Find me, find me
Can't stop the little tear that blinds me
Oh darling, I don't want to lose you
Oh find me
Stay with me, stay with me
Baby, make it all the way with me
Oh everyday and every way
Stay with me, stay with me
Cover me, cover me
Spread your precious love all over me
Oh can't you see the need in me
Oh cover me, cover me
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Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
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I'm feeling very introspective today. Maybe because I'm feeling especially sensitive for some reason. A little sad. I've been thinking about my life and the people in it. Some of my friends don't understand me. Hell, even I don't understand me sometimes.
Communicating with open minded, non judgemental souls is so satiating. I haven't been on this site for very long but I just wanted to thank everyone for being so warm and welcoming. I am appreciative for those people I have met and/or become friends with on this site. And I'm feeling incredibly grateful.
As I explore and communicate with like minded people I learn something new about myself. My lifes quest is to gain wisdom through special encounters, and learning through mistakes. I seek to express my truth and I have been given the opportunity with many people on many different levels. Despite my meloncholy, I am hopeful for what the future might bring. I feel like I've established some relationships that have the potential to be extraordinary.
One in particular is something I've never experienced in my life. He has touched my soul like no other. A man that is so precious and beautiful inside and out. He'll know this is for him. So a special thanks to him, for opening my eyes, sharing insights, exploring with me and especially for being a friend.
To all others, I can't wait to meet you in person and begin a lifelong journey.
Hugs and Kisses,
Kitten |
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You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. |
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Fragile: Handle With Care
What is so wrong with being FRAGILE anyway?
What do you do when you have something that is of VALUE to you? Something you TREASURE? Something BEAUTIFUL, RARE? Something beyond comparison?
People have lots of different opinions about lots of different things but honestly, lets think of it in simple terms. If you had a robins egg almost ready to hatch, an animal lover might treat it tenderly. Put it in an incubator, nurture it and handle with care to avoid damage, so it could flourish and grow. Another simple example: Here's a good one...What would you, a rock and roll lover, do if you found yourself in possesion of the scrap paper that John Lennon penned 'Imagine' on. His own handwriting!! Would you 'handle with care'? Would you treasure it? Keep it safe?
Same with people. Everyone is so quick to call others 'high maintenance'. Everyone wants us to fit a mold, to change. You can't be depressed, emotional or even angry over anything. No one is free to be themselves or else they are stirring the 'shit'.
When you meet a person who is one of a kind, tender, compassionate, sensitive to others, intellegent, selfless etc...whatever qualities you VALUE in a person. How would you treat them? With Respect? With Love? With Kindness? I'm not talking about walking on eggshells. I'm just saying, there really is NOTHING wrong with being fragile. Sometimes the qualities in us that people find to be our flaws really are the little stars of our souls. They should be treasured, nurtured and protected. Think about it. Those same people who hurt for themselves when people are cruel, hurt for you when people are cruel. That's the difference. Doesn't anyone get it???? Sometimes the best and the worst are all the same. Accept it for what it's worth and treat people accordingly. |
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I feel safe
I feel warm
When you're here and I do no wrong
I am cured when I'm by your side
I'm all right
I'm all right
I am safe when I am with you
I feel warm if you want me to
I am cured when I'm by your side
I'm all right
Careful where you stand, my love
Careful where you lay your head
It's true
We're always looking out for one another
I am safe when
I am with you
and I feel warm
When you want me to
I am cured when you are around
I'm alright
Careful where you stand, my love
and careful where you lay your head
It's true
We're always looking out for one another
So I'd like a quiet time please
Yeah I'd like quiet time
and careful where you stand
now careful where you stand
Careful where you stand-Coldplay
I love this song. I keep playing it over and over again. The idea of someone completing you draws me into myself, my dreams and hopes and yes, cure. I don't expect anyone to cure me but I'd like to feel some semblance of sanity when I'm with someone. Someone who is NOT out of control like my most recent ex was. Anyway, I love the song and it lifts me into a fantasy land where everything is perfect. I love my little fantasies. Anything to escape the mundane aspects of life. I don't miss him anymore. I'm onto bigger and better things. He just secured my belief that I cannot live a vanilla lifestyle. He taught me that. So I'll spend time in my dream world, searching out the perfect partner who can help me bring my fantasy life into fruition. It's the only way for me. |
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'Sweet is the dream, divinely sweet, when absent souls in fancy meet'-Anon |
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"Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever."-Anonymous
I am enjoying making connections with local Doms. I have been chatting with a few in particular. BDSM and sex hasn't been in the forefront of the discussions. Honestly, what appeals to me most is their demeanor. I find myself left in this haze of fantasies, leaving my free evenings alone quite interesting and sastisfying. I'm looking forward to meeting that special one. The one that deserves me. And if these feelings are any indication of what's to come, my wildest dreams could come to fruition. Man, I'm hot and bothered! |
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It's almost 1am and its been an interesting first day on CollarMe. I've heard from an assorted mix of people, some strange and others quite kind and friendly. I hope to continue to hear from Dominants in my area looking for friendship first. Send me a note. |
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Male Dominant, 51
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Male Dominant, 60, St. Louis, Missouri
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Male Dominant, 43, long beach, California
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Male Dominant, 36, Canton, Ohio
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Male Submissive, 55
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Male Dominant, 56, Plano, Texas
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Dominant Couple, 47, Hanford, California
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Male Dominant, 67, Atlanta, Georgia
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Male Dominant, 50, St. Louis, Missouri
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Male Dominant, 47, Western Hills, Ohio
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Male Switch, 45, Westren Subs, Pennsylvania
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Male Dominant, 35, Henrico, Virginia
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