Before you write that email to a prospective femdomme, ask yourself this question and answer it honestly...

Are you looking for all the things that come with lifestyle relationships - responsibility, emotional commitment, time commitment, honesty, integrity, loyalty, etc. Or do you just want to get done?

All too often, submissive men come on to female (non-professional) dominants exactly the same way they approach a pro for a session. They make it all about what turns them on. This is like coming up to a woman and introducing your penis before you introduce yourself. I do not recommend it as a successful dating strategy unless you are in a swingers' club.

Look, if all you really want is to get done, that's fine. Really. Very few men want a lifestyle 24/7 SM relationships. But be honest about it, both with yourself and prospective partners. Don't grovel and blather about female supremacy and tell her you've been looking for a genuine dominant female your whole life even as you outline the things you expect her to do to you, and how you expect her to treat you. Don't present yourself as someone who is looking for a lifestyle femdomme/male sub relationship either. You aren't. You are seeking a play-partner and, frankly, your best bet is a professional dominatrix or someone who is only looking for a casual connection.

Sub men complain that they don't want to pay for BDSM, or that it's depressing to pay for something they want a woman to want to give them for free. Well, wake up and smell the narcissistic coffee, boys. Prodommes exist for your sake. The professional dominant creates an illusion designed specifically to satisfy male fantasies. She is, in a very real sense, the living embodiment of those SM porn images and fantasies about femdoms that you want to live out. She acquires the clothes and boots and equipment and play spaces that will keep you - and hundreds of other men - coming back. The prodomme is a completely manufactured product. She is as real as you believe her to be.

You can walk away from a prodomme without giving up anything but a few bucks. No commitments, no holiday visits with her family, no shared bank accounts, no arguments about housework or bills, and the freedom to continue living just as you always have. What's that worth to you?

Real femdoms, on the other hand, are actually real people. They do not all act the same or dress the same or use the same toys. They want all the same things from you that girlfriends and wives want from you, and MORE. We want power over you; we want to control you; we want to call the shots, in bed and out. We want you to take our authority seriously even if we're wearing footy-pajamas with teddy bears. Real femdoms are not interested in your rules. We have our own rules.

If you are determined to be with a woman who does SM because she likes it, and not because it's a lucrative job, show her the same respect you'd show any powerful lady you admire. Treat her like she's very special and be grateful that she's giving you an opportunity to woo her. Make it about her, not about yourself; show her your wittiest, most affectionate, most caring sides.

Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you.