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Oh, Crimson last night was amazing! Best club I've ever been to, kink or otherwise. Had a lovely time playing and met some friendly people too. Good times!
Although I had to get someone to lace me up, and pointed out that the corset is once again too big.... Wahh thats another one I need to buy, another to sell! Hell this kink thing is a costly business....
On the lookout now for rubbery, latexy type things to wear for the the larger lady... hmm I see a few trips into to london to look for stuff!
Took Kitty out to the bustop this morning, well afternoon (we didnt get in till gone 6 this morning!) and walked to the town centre.... oops didnt realise I have bite/scratch marks on my boobs, oh well at least no one seemed to notice! |
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This whole losing weight malarky is very good for the health but harsh on the wallet. Old corsets no good at all, went to Lam got a lovely new underbust (£55, ouch) Wore it home on the train and walked through Richmond, couldnt do that in my old corset!
So now I have two corsets to get rid of, one under one over bust. Both black. Sorting out the listing for ebay but if anyone has any other places to sell corsets? Worn three times the over, once the under bust.
Subversion last night, left early cos for us the atmosphere just wasnt there. Felt.... just not so kinky. Like a social club with slightly more rubber. Even the upstair bit was mostly unused whilst we were there. So gonna find a new club to try, that should be interesting cos I've never been to any other club.
So now I have beautiful new corset, new shoes (very very high heels) and lots of clothes that dont fit me. And I hope a lot more of them dont fit soon!
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Been a while since I updated, not since before Christmas. But now I am 'gently pursuaded' to....
Since last update I havent been doing so much in the kink world, been too busy and had a spell in the hospital so no time. Have been seeing friends but not in the scene as such.
Yesterday though I went to LAM for the third aniversary. I hadnt intended to as the man who I was going there to meet- for the first time- wasnt going to come, and I couldnt find anyone else to escourt me. But in the end, very nervously, I went to meet someone from the internet, first meet, very scary.... but worth it!
SO I am now the proud owner of a nice new shiny collar (which I am not allowed to say thanks for again, so I wont). Very glad I made the effort and did my best to hide the nerves. |
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In the spirit of starting new things and whatnot, I've begun a new livejournal blog. So if anyone cares at all about my kink exploits, ask and I will provide the name. |
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Christmas, christmas- fun but I'm glad its over. It's my birthday today so the three days inbetween always felt a bit odd, waiting for good things. I suppose technically I am an adult so it shouldnt affect me but... it seems to be residual from childhood. Just the few days of waiting, when life is at a standstill.
Doesnt help the feeling that I am indeed at home, back with parents and siblings. I'm travelling back up to London on the 31st then going out for new years, I dont know where to or with whom but I do know I will be getting at least slightly ratarsed.
So anyway, heres to me on my amazing birthday, looking forward to Subversion on the third and hopefully a different club in the middle of Jan, down in Bournemouth. Just need to drag people along.
Happy new year to everyone.
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Subversion, big fun last weekend. I still have bruises...... ouch. BUT I need some help, Kitty did up my corset for me and he did warn me he didnt know what he was doing..... Laces snapped.
So anyone know where I can get me some strong corset laces? Online or in a real place, in the UK. Would be very helpful. Ta. |
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I never realised, looking at all the lovely pics on here, seeing people at clubs etc..... rubber masks! The full face kind! I got one as a gift and I just never realised just how difficult it is to breathe in one. Seriously, a few seconds and I am panicking, and have to rip it off. Boo hoo. |
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Its cold and I really should be at work right now. But I'm not. I'm hiding anything kink related for the visit of my lil sister. Fun times! Christmas shopping and whatnot. Whoop. |
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Todays good news- I bought a box of lovely, very individual christmas cards, quirky ones that people will love.
Bad news- I got lube on my glasses and now everything is blury.
Oh well, cant have everything. |
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I just took a test, an online nonsense type thing but one of the catagories was love. And I didnt know how to answer anything on it cos I dont know love. At all. No love. Blah.
Just made me think is all. Lonely. |
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Today feels like a good day to watch V for
Vendetta. And set fire to something. Woo!
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Thinking of buying me a house, credit crunch be damned. Anyone gots like £200,000 they could lend me? I pwomise to pay it back!
I need to get out more. My thumb hurts and my phones gone all wobbly.
These are my thought for today. |
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So I just found out they have deleted all the Black Books episodes from youtube. Bastards! I am so upset I'm gonna watch the big brother zombie thing and eat jelly belly beans. |
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1081087/Meet-Voluptua-burlesque-dancer-goth-centre-BBC-radio-prank.html
Been a bit of an odd one..... I think people are justified in complaining, as it was an old man they insulted. But seriously.... Its Russell Brand! What do people expect! |
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I was thinking today about restraints. I saw a post, on here or IC I dont remember, a while back about the use of restraits. Some say that they dont like to use them, prefering the mental asspect. The 'you stay there, in that position, because I tell you to' kind of metality. Others like the restraints, the feeling of the cuffs or whatever, as a symbol of their submission.
Others actually need the restraints, need to be tied down. Either because its simply a part of what does it for them or because they dont feel they can do the things they do without 'coersion' and the pysical reminders of that help.
I am only thinking of these things because I am trapped trapped. The pills I'm on HATE me and the side effects mean I have no desire to eat, move, get up. If I didnt have to drag myself out of bed every 4 hours to eat something then take my 5 or so pills each time, I would not. I am trapped by myself! The odd thing is, lying here writing this I feel fine, normal even. Yet if I get up I am too wobbly and feeble, and my head will ache and I will try to swallow which just hurts so bad.
So I am trapped in comfort. At the moment, I am comfy. In 1 hour I will be getting up and spending half an hour forcing some food into me so that I can take me pills. I suppose where this mad ramble is taking me is the idea of..... comfy restraint. Here I am in my furr lined cuffs, knowin damn well I could push it and get up and even try getting dressed and being humen.
Or maybe (probably) I am over thinking it and dont have anyone to talk to! |
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Went to the hospital today, was given new antibiotics. And new pain pills, really strong ones so hopefully I'll be myself soon cos I have missed a week of work and I really have missed the money! SSP doesnt kick in for 4 days so I really missed out on money last week.
I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has mailed, sent nice comments, get well soons and advice on what to do. Really appreciated, and a bit strange to realise people actually read this blog!
Today I managed to eat some actual food, first in a few days and now I feel a bit odd! I am venturing out now, just a walk up to Tesco but I havent done it in a while so.... its my challenge anyway. Hope I'll be myself again soon! |
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Aaaargh etc. I have had tonsilitis for about a week now, no sign of it going. This pain is not good pain! I cant eat or sleep, and talking is beyond me. Had to take time off work and I NEVER do that.
I feel so run down and horrible. I cant even smile, hurts too much. I'm out of icecream, which is all I can manage at the moment, so I have to go out tomorow else I will die to death, all alone in my little flat. |
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I joined a couple of nilla dating sites. Never tried before. Just to see if I can find what I am looking for..... but of course there is a snag. Filled in the forms, ticked the boxes, recieved mail.... that I cant veiw cos I dont want to be a paid member. I dont pay for things like that cos I assume nothing will happen. So I have messages but no actual contact!
I think I need to re-think my approach.... I need to have a think and write a new profile. Cos I am looking for more now- a relationship, maybe, more than just play anyway. But I still know I'm no slave, or even that submissive. I like to please.... I like to make people happy.... but I still dislike a lot of the things that Doms I chat to consistantly mention as a part of this- the orders during the day, the wearing of the buttplugs and the constant questions about masturbation. Seemingly the same for each one I chat too... till inevitably they decide I'm not submissive enough because I have a mind and I tell them that I CANNOT go to the loo during work and take off my knickers cos my job is way too involved for things like that. Or I refuse to wank or get my bewbs out on cam and they call me a fraud or not sub and block me.
Oh and my favourite ever was chatting to someone for a while, a few weeks, seemed to be getting on quite well then he asked me to show me on cam- my face, prove I am real, and show what I look like. I put cam on... 3....2.....1.....blocked. Seriously its that kind of thing that really upsets. Because he knew I was a big girl, knew I didnt like my looks.
So. I have no reason for this odd little rant, just my thoughts. I need to think, come up with a new profile which is always something to look forward to *facepalm* then go and find me....something, someone. Whatever. |
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Its subversion tomoro. I'm still lonely but hopeful, it will be fun to spend time with friends and maybe meet new people but....
I dont know how this will go.
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I'm.... lonely. Things happen and I think, wow it would be nice to be in a relationship or something, but I dont see it ever happening.
I think I'm maudlin.... I see people happy, or trying to be happy, and I wait for my turn. I need to sort me out a bit. Grow up, find someone maybe. No idea how, no clue at all.
Its 1 in the morning and I'm alone, as ever. I look forward to Subversion next week and hope to find someone. But I know it wont happen, I'm going with people who are good and nice and friends, and we play, but nothing more.
I think I would like more..... |
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I now own a corset.
It hurts.
Hmmm. |
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Ok been a loong week....
I'm at home with parentals for a while, little holiday. Bit of a break.
Last weekend was soooo much fun.... it started with kinkfest, which entailed meeting some lovely people, some from here and others bought by friends. Workshop wise, ranging from very good to ok. Rope bondage demo was good cos I met Softness, a lovely girl I have seemingly been stalking on the forums here and ic.
Next saw the very hot breathplay demo. Scary, very scary, things you dont consider about health and... really scary. Will be playing safer in the future. But I left a nice comment about the demo on an ic board and got a thankyou from DK, who did the workshop and organised the day which was super!
Next, shopping, got me a loverly bit gag and a lil corset handbag. Then on to see the pet/pony play, not as keen because its not really my thing. But fun to see a friend do a lil demo, with a bridle on and everything!
And met darcy&.thedark, who managed to recognise me amongst the masses! Lovely to meet them, seemed really nice.
THEN... to a friends to change, back to London for Subversion, my first club and I loved it! Great to watch people, hot to be on a leash, very hot to play.
And after that..... I'll save that for me. Bring on the next time! |
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Today has been a good day for me because I had a lie-in (I'm officially on holiday now) then went shopping. I do love it when the next bus to catch after stepping off of one is right behind.....
Anyway I bought some clothes, some tops of which hopefully one will do to wear to my first ever fetish club experience- this weekend. I have to rely on two friends better judgement on one.... and will have to take both cos they dont show up good on cam for an opinion!
I also got boots, like high heels which I dont wear ever EVER not since school anyway and.... well they arnt even 'kinky' boots or anything, just high, and I predict blisters. But such is life.
I still suck at Guitar Hero.
And today alone I have received 3 yes 3 messages from strangers that just say 'hi'. Now I choose not to respond to such unless extremely bored, which I'm not at the moment due to aformentioned Guitar Hero. So I dont respond, nor block. Should they choose to bother to write a full message then, the channels are open and I am willing to chat!
The soundtrack for this evening will be MGMT. Peace be with you and all your things. |
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Trying to get as many people as I can to kinkfest, so I'm not lonely! Selfish yet good for all! Yay! |
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I ordered tickets to kinkfest! Yay!
Hope to see some good people there.... I'm going all alone and need looking after.... But should be a laugh
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LAM was good, got my new collar, expensive but pretty! Met some interesting people, saw a good worshop and an amazing demo! |
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Not been updating here so much cos people I want to write about read it.....
So anyway, been a weird couple of days, not done much. Through a few conversations, I've been told I'm not sub enough.... I dont know. I dont. I think perhaps they were after a slave rather than a sub, someone less opinianated, less forthcoming maybe. I tend to laugh in the face of danger, make jokes and be myself.
P'raps I should reinvent myself as a doormat type person. Yes sir no sir three bags full sir.
Or be myself and be all me and stuff. Yay me.
Rant over. Peace y'all! |
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I really shouldnt drink. It brings out the crazy. |
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I wanted to be having fun this weekend but I'm poorly so I cant. Poor me, get well soon. I need to get my arse up to brum again for fun and possibly monopoly, who knows. |
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LAM was interesting but not much cop. Think I missed the busy time, no-one seemed to be there. I did order a lovely collar, to be picked up at the next LAM, so thats good!
Otherwise a bit dissapointing. |
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This weekend I discovered one important thing.
Canes hurt.
That is all for today. |
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My new corset is here! Ok so its not one of those made-to-measure ones, or even real leather, its just that it is my first item of fetish wear!
Its black and fake leather and tight. And tomoro I will take it with me back to Kent to see what they think of it, hope they like it!
It also came with a free thong, a leather one. I did try it on, but after three hours attempting to extract it I feel perhaps thongs should be left for the skinny minxes!
Next up, cuffs and a gag. And some kind of skirt or something to go to the corset, in case I ever do go to a club. Maybe I'll see at LAM on sunday! |
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I'm back from Kent. It's raining but I so dont care. I'm very happy! And going back soon.... Hurray! |
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I'm considering getting me a corset. If anyone has any advice or suppliers (UK) it would be very welcome. I'm a big girl, and short, so I know not all styles are for me!
And if anyone knows of a place that does nickel-free gear, ballgags and collars etc, would be very helpful. UK or abroad, as long as it is importable.
Come on, help me out in my kink!
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Lalala, one day till I get to play! Hurray! Hope this goes as well as I hope.... so basically its a Domme/femslave couple I met a few weeks ago.
But they promised to go slow, I can only watch if I want to, join in if I feel like I want to. Exciting! And I've been told to bring my new nip clamps.... |
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People are all stupid. I hate people. They suck. |
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BBB was so much fun, pony play demo not what I expected, but informative. Not my kink, but fun to watch.
Got a couple of things bought for me.... thanks very much! Nipple clamps and a pinwheel, oh the possibilities. Have to see what happens in the future!
I've added me a new pic, boobie shot just to celebrate the fact I got a connecter thingy from digi cam to laptop. So I'll be adding more in the future, I think.... Change the crappy main pic I've got! |
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So my search may be over... someone I'm speaking with may be the one for me. Who knows though? Meeting tomorrow, at the BBB.
Have to see how this goes!
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So I've now got a new facebook profile- spinnin sweetness - cos joining BDSM groups on my 'real' one would maybe out me a bit! So add me as a friend! |
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I do believe that this fake tan stuff is not all its cracked up to be. It makes fluff stick to my legs and isnt very tanish.
Weather is crap, tv is crap, I left the milk out and have no bread in. Waaaaaaaah! |
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I fucking well hate all kits n suchlike- I managed to build a fan cos its so damn hot here. I used a breadknife and tweezers to screw the screws in. Not recomended! So I got it almost done... then found part 14 was bloody bastard missing. Bastard. But I'll survive, hey hey. |
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I'm going to the BBB! It's a long way but I hope the dom I'm going to see will be worth it.... it aint a cheap journey!
Looking forward to seeing the fair, the stuff thats sold. Might be picking up a few items (plus size school uniform is what I really want!)
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Whilst unpacking my many, many purchases, I found my new socks.... New white knee-highs for my school uniform, which I'm getting gradually.... But the damn socks dont fit! Waaaah! |
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Summers here, la la la. So today I went and got a fan, cos the one in Cornwall cant make it up here! Luckily I have the coldest bit of the house, the basement, and I'm mostly cool as, but I'm anticipating a rush on fans cos its hot hot hot here!
I'm sticky now- suncreams a bitch! I hate having to use the stuff but I'm hating the idea of burns n worse, and thusly I'll be sticky. But I'm getting my pins out cos I've faked tan'd it up this year, holiday skin stuff actually works (did stain the inside of me trouserses but I put them on with it wet!)
I also had the first ice-cream of the season this week, which makes it officially summer. Whoop! |
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I think I'm allergic to potatoes. |
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Fun fun fun was had in Kent, treated to food and a chance to explore a new shopping centre! Woo! Love to shop, listening to me iPod and wandering round.... |
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I'm in the UK. London, or near it. Because I'm after RL, not online only, please only get in touch from overseas if you are after a friend only. Because however good you are, I'm not moving!
Also why are so many sub boys mailing me? I dont have a Domme bone in my body! Grrr. |
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Aaaaaargh! Got me some wax, to do my leggies for the first time! Bloody hell, does that hurt- but I did it, proud of me! But no-way in hell will I be letting that stuff near the lady-garden! |
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Hi y'all
quick journal to clear up something- I put dont contact me if over 40. Wrong, contact me by all means, but after a lot of thinking I've decided I'm not looking for anyone over 30 for me... LTR is my goal, and I cant see me with anyone that much older than me.
But any age, contact me to chat or whatever, I'm a friendly girl so I'll reply- if its relevant, it appears you've read my profile or have a personality! |
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Whoop, all's well at work now- hurrah!
Still no idea what I'm doing, and if this is the right way to go about it. Still no experience- still a lil vanilla girl, still looking and hoping and in a small way not hoping for luck.
Met some lovely people so far, you know who you are!
Oh well, confused and unsure is better than rushing in- or not doing anything for ther rest of my life!
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Bad times at work... get well soon sweetie! so here i am in middle of the day. sad. still not sure what im doing, never mind, I'll get there.... |
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I am thoughtless, lacking in thoughts.... so much for trusting, I am angry and foolish, far too trusting and naive....
So a new, angry day- please dont contact me if you are over 40, a bully or want someone to wrestle... seriously what's that about?
Missed the munch cos I was knackered, will miss LAM this weekend cos I got no-one to go with. This lil journey of mine is seriously on hold... just have to see what happens with people I'm chatting with, waiting for contact! |
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Thinking of a name change, cos telling people this one at the munch was quite embarrassing.... |
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Beautiful lady Dommes, although I am, as listed, bi, I'm only seeking a Master/Dom, not a Domme. |
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Hi all, apologies if ive read mail and not replied, unable to actually write for a bit. Back online properly now! |
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You all should know chat doesnt always work on my computor... does sometimes but the times its crashed it doesnt make it worthwhile, so dont just request. Im on MSN so if you really want to chat, message me then ill add you if there is any spark or potential friendship. |
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First munch today, went well! met nice people, im a bit tipsy and cold cold cold now |
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I would have thought this was obvious, given the amount of profiles with this mentioned- I wont add you as a friend if you just ask without getting in touch properly!
Anyone I add on here as a friend will be a friend I already know! So please dont try, just message me. |
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I'm definatly moving towards the idea of actually finding a real Master/Mistress- not just online- but only after I've gotten to know them! Im still not going to just meet someone who messages me, I want to chat with them first to see if they REALLY ARE ok with the idea of a novice.
So message by all means, I reply to most just block really pervy ones and delete nasty ones. |
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Ive now actually added a pic- I think it needs to be approved. |
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The reason i dont have a pic yet is cos of my job.... just get messaging, youll see im real!
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So far my exploration of this kinky world has been purely online, with just one meeting with a mentor, but im thinking of changing that... not sure how to safely go about finding a partner, but you have to start somewhere!
After a huge amount of bullsquit from 'on your knees BITCH' doms, and single line requests like u wanna chat? ive decided to ignore the bolleux, so if your message is read and ignored its because it doesnt offer anything to distinguish it from the rest, even if you are guenuinely just looking to a friend. |
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