Finding that right fit is never easy but then again it shouldn't be. Reaching an understanding is exciting and scary at the same time as well. I have to learn to trust again and let go of what I have been holding back from. lets see what happens now...

Training and Punishment...

Why do people think that training and punishment should go together??

Punishment is for the correction of a bad act or action... It should only be used to enforce proper behavior or when the submissive knows what they have done is wrong and knew the consequences to their action could and would result in punishment.

Training is for perfecting an act or action...It is a learning process and is much more successful if you use reward to produce the desired results instead of punishment. Reward can and will produce a better result as it is a positive action and will make the training more acceptable to the submissive.

I myself believe that using punishment in training will only result in confusion and fear;  there is no benefit to it... the idea is to build the confidence of the submissive so that they will strive to perfect the act or action they are being trained for...

Just a thought....

This needs to be said...
If you wish to speak to me be polite and do try and think before you write something I am going to read and yes judge your character by... I am not a bimbo who will just giggle and do as you say because you have told me you are a dominant. Also do try to have a conversation that tells me you have an interest in me as a person not just as a sexual play thing... I am not opposed to discussing sex but if you are trying to get to know me try not to ask or demand that I tell you when the last time it was that I masturbated. Especially in the first three minutes of a first conversation.  I am not here to tell you sexy stories or get you off on the phone or web cam. There are thousands of wanna be subbies floating about that are more than willing to be that stupid for you. I am here for real conversation and do truly try to get to know a person before I even consider anything else. I am a submissive with a brain who believes that getting to know a person is a must before anything else can transpire...   Please also keep in mind that I am not seeking for a playmate or a cheap thrill...

OK here i am minding my own business and i get some want to be Dom saying "you are another one that never says anything. Good bye" I on occasion look at the pictures he has posted on his profile. i have read his profile as well and am not interested in him what so ever. So i look at the pictures and move along never saying anything or commenting. It seems to bother him. I may not be his ideal either but i do not act like a child because someone viewed my profile and didn't say anything.  In him doing this, it told me more about him and why i was not interested in him to start with. This is the internet we come here to communicate and possibly find on occasion what we search for. If he had that little self control to have such an emotion that would cause him to act in such a manner then he truly has some issues. He has not learned to master his self how the hell is he going to master anyone else? No to mention his pictures told me more about him. He has very little appeal. A very shabby dresser and has that look like he has always been less than a full man. Now i know your thinking then why do you look at his pictures?? Simple the ones i was looking at that i thought had some creativity were cartoon ish not of him. Yes, his was there too but behind the other ones i had liked to look at.  That also told me he likes to live in a fantasy world and has trouble dealing with real women at best.  To me he seems to want something that he will never have.  And if he does get it, it won’t last as he is not a true Master of anything even himself. He seemed a bit unkempt and his posture was beta at best. I got all of that from his pictures as well as his action of sending me his reaction to my not finding him worth saying anything too. Now see if he had not had the interesting pictures i would not have given him a second thought. i know that sounds a bit rough but i am honest in "my opinion" of him. Now on the other hand if he had been polite and had messaged me with an interest i would have been as polite and answered letting him know i am not searching at this time and i do wish him well.   Now all of this said i try to be nice and i try to be polite.  You know that old saying "if you can't say anything nice do not say anything at all" i try very hard to practice that, so if i look at your profile and leave no comment it may be for the best. i just may not have anything to say or offer you just by reading what you have posted.  Or it could be that i know you would not be interested in me as well. Please keep this in mind to all of you out there that i may look at but not say anything to.

Ok so i spent a weekend in Vegas. i gambled i won i lost i had fun.  Now why the hell didn’t anyone tell me to not wear heels everywhere???? i am a masochist but damn that was torture!!!!! INHUMANE!!! My feet will never forgive me. Ya know that saying about too much of a good thing is bad. Well i am a believer. i love heels but i may never look at another pair again without whencing at the thought of that kind of pain again. i would rather kneel on rice or hold a big telephone book straight out in front of me for 30 minutes. And if you have allergies the smoke filled casinos is a bad place to be. Be prepared for it!!!! i was not. :( but i will recover from it in the next week or so...... 

Now on a better note.
 i went to Treasure Island and saw Cirque's Mystere.  It was amazing. It’s a must see for anyone who gets the chance. I can’t wait to see the others....

In all i am proud to say i was a very good girl while i was there. i didn’t act like a complete tourist at least, just a lil  bit of one. i did have to take pictures so that kind of gave me away and the constant swearing about the stupid shoes. Ohh and the fact that when i opened my mouth i sound a lil more Texan then i thought i did... But in all i was good. Well at least I didn’t get caught being bad. All I can say is if you leave no evidence they can’t get you for it.

It was a good experience and i had a great time.  And what happens in Vegas really should be kept in Vegas.......

The past few days have been a little trying for me. i was lead to believe that i had done something wrong.  i felt bad and i even tried to make it right.  The problem is i was not sure what i had done, If anything at all.

i am a very proud person. i know what i am and i am secure with it. i am not ashamed to tell someone about it either. i have worked very hard to get what i have . it is not much but it is mine and i can take care of myself, So with that being said. i am not looking to have someone take care of me. i am looking for someone to love, care for and obey.... you get the idea. i want someone for them not what they have. This was really misunderstood by someone. i had tried to convey that. So that i was not looked at as someone who was looking to be taken care of. It’s nice yes. But that was not what i was looking for.

As a result of it all i was humiliated and made to feel i had done something very wrong. i was confused and was trying to think of what i had done that was sooo horribly offensive. i was even asked to beg for forgiveness. And even sadder is i liked the person i thought i had offended. i was willing to humble myself and  humiliate myself to try to make things right. So what did i do? I went to my Mentor. And i must say it was a very good move. When confused and in doubt go to someone who can help you see things clearly. And help you understand what has happened.

It turns out the person in question wasn’t listening to me at all. Saw my words yes but was not listening. The person could not see past themselves and felt i needed to be taken down a peg or 2. The person felt i needed to be humiliated for it, and took pleasure in twisting things so that i was confused and upset. i even asked what i had done and was told i needed to think about it and was never given a clear answer. MIND GAMES!!!!!!

The person told me there was not much to like about me as well. And that got to me.  i was told i needed to show them something to like about me and I needed to be softer.  i even asked what i could do. More mind games.... not once was i given a clear answer for anything. But yet i was willing to be humiliated and humbled and made to feel less then my worth.

 My Mentor spoke with the person and it was all clear after that. i had really done nothing wrong. And i let someone tell me or make me think i was less then my worth. In reality the person had no idea what my worth was. They saw my pride as an insult to them. Communication is a very big word and without it very misunderstood.

 i was instructed to not talk to or message the person again. i am truly sorry things ended the way they did.  But if we don’t listen to each other there is no other way it can end but badly. I know now that I will never let anyone tell me or make me feel I am less then my worth. Once we forget that then we do become less. So when confused find someone to help. I was lucky. I hope the best for everyone out there and remember someone playing mind games is not the best judge of your character.

Ok here i am again. i feel i have to explain a few things. First is i am not looking at this time. Now if i am found that is a different story. But note i will not go out of my way to be found.

2ndly. if You are going to approach me even after reading and knowing a little about me. You should have a clue that i am not here for games or to be part of someone’s flock of subbies, slaves, toys or what have you.

3rdly. i am bi yes but that does not mean i want to share a Master/Dom that only means that i enjoy women in a sensual way. In general i like men more then i do women.
 
4thly. i am a not going to share a Master/Dom in a LTR i may play with another sub but i am a bit selfish when it comes to what is mine. And that means. Do not ask me to join a poly household. Do not ask me to become a toy for You and yours. i am not into being used by another sub. I am an alpha sub. And i will not be/play 2nd to anyone.

5th. If you are going to approach me, i am as is. i do not wish to be altered changed or made to be something i am not. i would not ask or expect you to change for me. Yes i know there is such a thing as compromise.  i can and will on occasion. But it is out of respect and motivation to please. Not because it is demanded of me. want me for me not for what you think i should be.

I would hope that everone would want the same things here. to be as is. this is in no way a bashing for anyone. just something i felt needed to be said.