I’ve been asked to write in this journal and talk about what I have learned about myself since I started this journey and how I ended up here.

I started out on this site without knowing what I was looking for, I knew I was very interested in this lifestyle, and wanted to learn more about it.  I went about finding it all the wrong ways, I was naive and impatient and had a couple of experiences that I’d rather forget, I have learned it’s not a sadist I’m looking for, but it was just as much my fault for not doing the research, communicating v and not being more careful in my choices.

I started out on this site without knowing what I was looking for, I was very naïve, impatient, inexperienced and a little reckless; I’ve had a couple of bad experiences due to my inexperience and impatience.  I met with a couple of guys who definitely weren’t for me, they were selfish and and really didn’t make me feel good about myself, I started thinking what the hell is this all about, why am I here if I’m not feeling good about myself, it was my own fault, I didn’t communicate very well and I didn’t ask enough questions.

I went back to the drawing board with a different approach, I started reading asking questions and not rushing into anything, I met someone, had a drink with him, we had a mutual attraction and chemistry, he was very patient with me, didn’t’ rush me into anything, we spoke on the phone many times, I was becoming very comfortable with him, he seemed to know exactly what I needed, he was very open and honest with me we finally met about 4 weeks after our initial meeting, I was feeling really good about it.. 

He offered me so much more than I could imagine, besides the sex being phenomenal, he also challenges me in many ways, from my personal life to the way I think, I’ve always been a little shy and reserved (I still am) but he’s challenging me to come out of my shell and be ok with my sexuality and my submissive personality and the fact that its ok to embrace it, and become comfortable with it.  He makes me think about the way I carry myself and to be proud of whom I am, and hold my head up with confidence.

Recently on a shopping trip he made me wear a collar which originally I thought I’d be absolutely mortified, he told people wouldn’t even notice I was wearing it, and he was right, once I stopped worrying about what other people were thinking I forgot I was even wearing it.

He’s able to get into my mind and knows how far to push me and what to push me on.  I love that he makes me step out of my comfort zone constantly challenging me.  Teaching be to be open, honest and communicable.  I never want him to stop pushing me.  I wish I had the courage to seek this out a long time ago.