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At this moment:
Today.... I feel very BLAH!. And since this website is pretty anonymous... I feel the need to share. Its funny, things are finally going in a positive direction (with work) and instead of feeling happy and excited... I just feel nothing. This is very strange, because if you know me, you know I am one of the most excited & uppity people you will ever meet.
Right now, I am going to take the time to reflect and describe the lessons learned about my first few months exploring the world of BDSM.
Since being on this site I have learned A LOT about BDSM, about my likes...and my dislikes. Prior to actually acting on my fantasies...I was a frequent visitor to sites like bdsmplaypen.com and slavestube.com. I watched short video clips and would imagine myself being the one tied up, helpless and gagged sub in the videos.
When I first started to actually live my fantasies and act on my desires. I really enjoyed it, but also learned that things are not like the video clips. For example, being hog tied, takes time. Ropes and chains are sometimes VERY (unpleasantly) uncomfortable and painful. And the watching the beatings and nipple clamps with weights etc is very different then actually feeling those things.
Despite the amount of time a set up for a "play session" takes, I can truly say I love the feeling of being tied up, helpless, gagged, unable to move and fully allowing my dominant to take control of my body. In real life, I am such a dominating person (with lots of responsibilities and plenty of people to manage). Giving up full control and reducing myself to nothing but a sex toy, there to please him is very liberating.
The first time I totally lost control:
The first couple "play sessions" Ive ever had I really never felt like my limits were pushed. Like I said, I am a "pain slut" and it is hard to really push me to where I feel like I can't talk it, or I would have to say my safe word. When playing with the one I have truly explored with, I was tied up with my feet on the floor, ass in the air and nipple clamps with long chains on. The nipple clamps went under the bed and were attached to my feet. The DOM started whipping me...medium at first but then very hard. I've never felt anything like this so my immediate reaction was to pull away. As I jolted my body back I felt excrushiating pains in my nipples. I then realized every time I moved to avoid a blow...I was pulling my nipples. Although this only lasted...less than a minute at most... that was the first time I truly had no control.
Two of my favorite play sessions:
I have 2 favorite encounters. One, is when I dressed up as a school girl. I was tied to the chair with nipple clamps and weights hanging from my tender nipples. I was blindfolded, headphones over my ears and left there. I don't know exactly what was going through my mind..but I felt exposed, nervous, excited...and my pussy was dripping. I was then whipped and fucked hard.
Another, was when I was completly shackled. Hands tight behind my back, elbows held together with a belt, feet shackled tightly together, thumb cuffs on my fingers, belt under my tits, and LARGE ball gag and blindfold. My collar was tightly fastened around my neck. Normally I would protest as the DOM tightly fastened the notches..but I was already ball gagged and had no control of my hands to stop him. My leash was tightly fastened to my collar. Then everything went dark and I felt hot. A "black out" hood was placed over my head and I was walked to the living room. Pulled by my leesh and clamps hanging from my nipples I was forced to the living room and pushed on my knees. I could feel my leash being connected to something. I was told to SIT.
I did as I was told, without giving it a second thought. My pussy was throbbing and hands trembling. I sat in anticipation not knowing what was coming next. I thought I would feel my "Masters" cock rubbing up against my face. Instead, I was greeted with something much different than I had expected. A quick, hard, loud THRASH across my inner thighs. I don't know which one was more alarming, the shock of having no clue to what I would soon endure or the hard, merciful lash in such a sensitive area.
The excrushiating, pain began to set in and I immediatley began trying to avoid being hit. I tried to lean forward to stop the blows, I tried to pull my hands free, but was unsuccessful. As I continued to attemt to avoid the harsh lashes that were landing all over my body. Master pulled me hard by my hair and titled my face up, in a loud, dominating voice he said: "Stop it, you do not pull away from me." Those words instantly made my pussy sobbing. I stopped fighting it and realized there was nothing I could do to stop the blows. I finally used every ounce of self control I had to accept and enjoy what was given to me. It brought me to a point where I truly only wanted to make "Master" Happy and show him what a good "slave" I could be. I wanted his cock so bad.
After a little while, I was left, chained on my knees with my knees open. Nipple clamps were attached and a weight was dangling from them between my legs. I was left there for about 20-30 minutes. When he returned. I was LITERALLY dripping wet. All I could think about was pleasing him. He eventually dragged me into the bedroom and pounded my pussy. It felt AMAZING!
ADVICE to ALL DOMS: While I understand that the entire SUB/Dom complex has a lot to do with degrading your sub, breaking her down and building them back up sexually in a way that pleases you. I highly reccomend (even if your SUB is ugly, 500 pounds, stretch marks etc) making her feel pretty and like a HOT piece of ass. I guarentee taking the time to do that will make your sex life more enjoyable for both parties. Not all of us are perfect 10s....but treating us like one will pay off for you in the long run.
Another lesson that I learned is...BDSM can be very addicting. I am a very sexual person and not ALL Dom's are (At least most of the ones that are living a full "vanilla" lifestyle).
I learned that I am a "pain slut" and that I enjoy living a "vanilla" life style. I've also recently discovered that I like when my dom gets into my head.
I've learned that SUB Space is a real thing, (and although I've only been to that point once) it is very enjoyable and a total "freeing" activity...and that you feel absolutely amazing after. Giving up full control of mind and body is amazing.
I've learned that I am REALLY insecure with my body...and that dampers my sub/dom relationships.
My current fantasy
As I have progressed and learned more about my submission, my likes and dislikes..I feel this is something that I would enjoy.
I meet with "him" at his house. As I close my eyes and lean in to kiss him, I feel his hand sharply against my face. My body jolts backwards from the force. I am told to get on my knees. I immediatley follow his orders. Being obedient makes my pussy wet. I decide to show my submission, by keeping my hands all the way behind my back with my elbows touching. I open my knees and let my ass hit the floor. I look up at him with an innocent face as my body tells him, "you have full control over my body and mind."
My heart is pounding..as I anticipate his next move. I am pulled tightly by my hair and taken to the bed. I go on my toes to avoid the pulling sensation on my scalp. My panties pulled down and my ass is fully exposed. A ball gag is stuffed into my mouth. I try to bite the large red ball and avoud it going to the back of my throat. He notices and grabs my nose. I finally give in and gasp for air. Everything goes dark when a blindfold goles over my eyes. I lay there fully exposed, wondering what his next whim will be. What I will be forced to take and how all I want to do is fully submit. Then, he reaches under my pussy and pushes my face down and ass up "Keep it like this" he says in a deep, sexy, dominating voice." Before I can mentally proccess what is about to happen, I feel a hard, intense blow. My body jumps from the pain and I go numb. I try to scream through my ball gag to stop..but nothing comes out. ,Another and another. THe blows continue down my back, ass, side, thighs and pussy. I can feel my body burning and don't know how I can possibly take anymore. Finally it stops & I am given the opportunity to catch my breath. "This is what happens when you do not do what you are told slave." He pulls up my blind fold and looks at my eyes, as I try to hide the tears. My pussy is aching. All I can think about is being his fuck toy. How I want to please him and obey his every command. He rubs his cock over my pussy. "Beg Slut" he commands in a demeaning vouce. I begin to beg. He reaches for a whip, cracks it against my already throbbing ass and says, do better." As the pain shutters across my whole body, my pussy continues to ache for his big cock inside of me, I begin to degrade myself. "I am your property.Words that (just a few months ago) I could never imagine myself saying come pouring out of my mouth. Please use your fuck toy." He laughs and spits on my face. Telling me I am a worthless pleasure toy from him. He rubs his fingers down my back. I am shaking in anticipation of the pleasure his cock will give me as it pounds my pussy. Just as he is about to thrust himself into me, he stops. He walks away. I can hear him going into the kitchen. He grabs a butt plug from the freazer. He shows it to me and asks "Do you know what this is for?" I shake my head no as my face fills with fear. This is going in your ass, this is what happens when slaves are bad. He puts it close to my face. Tells me to open my mouth to make it wet. He slowly inserts it into my tight ass. It is so cold and I can feel it stretching my ass...but there is nothing I can do to stop him. He puts a belt in front of my throat and begins to fuck my pussy with the plug in my ass. Pulling the belt as he rides me from behind. I begin to feel like I can't breathe...but the pleasure overrides it. I am so turned on right now. Yet my body is screaming in pain. I am in the lobby of the infamous "sub space."
After he cums all over my face. I look up at him, expecting my handcuffs, gag to be removed. This is what normally happens and then we cuddle. Instead, he looks at me and says "Slut, this is just the begining." Shocked and puzzled I look up at him with worry on my face. I know he likes this. He likes to take what is his, even if that is not what she wants. He attaches the collar and leash to my neck. He reapplies those black painful clamps to my already sore nipples and watches for the automatic jolt in my body. My eyes fill up with tears. I quickly close my eyes and take deep breaths to try to cope with the pain. He looks at me and says come and begins to walk. I stand up to follow orders. He quickly turns around and slaps me hard across the face. I look at him in shock. I am pushed to my knees. "Crawl like the slave you are." I have never been forced to crawl, but being in the state of mind I am, I do not give it a second thought. Just as I start to get comfortable with the motion, I feel a stinging lash land on top of the welts on my back." Ass up head down when I walk you." I follow orders as I degrade myself to a piece of meat. Then, his pace picks up slightly and I struggle to keep up. Suddenly I see his hands reach for the nipple clamps. A chain now connects the two clamps and a weight/bell is hangining between the two clamps. He pulls them to make me move faster. The sensations going through my nipples is too much to bare. A painful experience yet it makes my pussy drip.
I quickly learn that I must keep up with his pace. Finally we stop. I look up at him, looking helpless with my eyes wide and submissive. In a condesending voice he utters: "Oh, does that hurt? Poor baby. I wish you wern't so bad and you did not have to go through this training, but you were. Don't worry. Daddy is here with you." The blindfold is placed back over my eyes. My leesh attached to something and a weight added to my already aching, burning nipples. He kisses me on the forehead as he places head phones over my ears, and I can feel his foot prints walking away.......I sit there and wait. I cannot handle the sensations happening to my body.. I start to lose control.
...to be continued soon
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