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slaveluci
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SirWolf2003
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Gargoyle1
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My Daddy doesn't play well with others... " I Am Owned"
"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois
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I hate to be rude here and I don't want to rant, but I'm tired of getting the same stuff over and over. It feels terrible not to answer a message, but if you find that your message hasn't been answered then it's because I don't feel like trying to think of something to say. There are too many wonderful people on this site that have things to say...try to be one of them. ;) |
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When I was a teenager we would go out by the lakefront to drink because the cops mostly left us alone. Anyway, I was perched on my very-bad-boyfriend's lap. There was a group of us down there and a car pulled up and opened the back door. They pushed a dog out and drove off. I watched in astonishment for a second while the dog tried his best to catch up. He ran as fast as he could, and I have no idea whether they even looked back. He ran and ran...it felt like ages until I could catch up with him. He was just sitting there looking at me. I knelt down and let him come to me...I still can't believe that after what those people did he was brave enough to come with me.
When we got back to where there was light, he was leaving little bloody pawprints. I don't know if he thought the car that came up was his family or if he just got spooked, but he was in the road before I could make a grab at him. Then it was over. I think I cried more for that dog than I ever had for myself or anyone else.
I thought about him yesterday and I understood how he felt...I cried myself to sleep last night. |
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"Well, baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"
Leonard Cohen "Hallelujah" |
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I would like to wish Washington a fond farewell...but that would be a lie. I've enjoyed many of the folks here, but I'm just not cut out for the West Coast.
Sometime in the very near future, I am going to put this state behind me and breathe a sigh of relief. I will not be back.
I'm going somewhere I can smoke in a bar without being looked at like I've put a baby on spikes. Unfortunately, I'm not headed South, but East will do for now.
So, say your goodbyes, my lovelies...I'm out on the next thing smokin'. |
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There was this shining glorious moment of peace. I knew where I belonged and it fit just right. My rough edges were smoothed and my surrender was accepted for what it was.
Thank you, Etta James, wherever you are for crooning about it so perfectly. "My heart was wrapped up in clover the night I looked at you." Yes, those are just the words.
Now, how will my song end? |
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I'm trying very hard to learn how to surrender. Hoisting up that white flag just doesn't come all that naturally. Maybe it's not about surrender at all...maybe it's just about acceptance.
Okay, I'm done being random. |
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Have you ever wanted someone so badly your teeth hurt? |
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I'm not a particularly religious person, but something about Mahalia Jackson telling me "His Eye is on the Sparrow" lifts my spirits immensely. Oh, and for all of those folks who want to know what my expectations are...listen to Nickelback's "Rockstar". :P And, yes, I can cook Gumbo...and I'll get my flyswatter after anyone who says different.
Did I mention it's early and I'm only half way through my first cup of coffee? Just thought I should mention it, in case anyone thought I had lost my mind. |
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To whom it may concern:
I'm just as confused about my status as you are...so just ask, I guess. |
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Today, I asked Daddy to remove my collar. I feel sick. |
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So, again with ye olde journal...I'm starting nursing school in March and I'm hella excited. I hope to finish my degree in a year or two and then on to nursing. Daddy and I have pretty much decided on moving...I think I'm pretty much over Washington. I'm finding it hard to meet people that I click with on a friendship basis and I'm, sort of, withering away. So, I've spent my time dreaming big and trying to get back on my feet. It's been a challenge, but one that I'm glad that I'm able to overcome...so, life is good! |
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Well, it's been a while since I've written in ye olde journal, so I figured I better include an update or two. Um...I'm currently unemployed, but I have a few fantastic prospects. I'm fortunate enough that I can be picky about what I choose to do. I know there are a lot of people who don't have that luxury, so I am truly grateful. Other than that, the "search" continues...although, it's not exactly a search party equipped with flashlights and coon dogs. In fact, it is entirely possible that we may not remain in Olympia...that's just wishful thinking on my part, but hey I'm allowed. Daddy said so. :) |
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Well, there went the less hectic life! Sometimes life is such a roller coaster ride...in a good way. Daddy and I have been taking advantage of the sun to shake off the cabin fever, and that has been truly a blessing. I didn't realize how much I was working until I took a litle time off. Somehow getting up at the butt crack of dawn and falling to sleep before my head hits the pillow doesn't make for much quality time for anyone or anything...but it's getting better and I'm certainly learning how to manage my time more efficiently. I hope everyone else is enjoying the sunshine too! |
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Hmm...so, life got a lot less hectic in the last few weeks. Daddy and I got some much needed R&R over this past weekend. It was wonderful.
I've always preached about communication and ended up getting all worked up when I was having personal issues. Why, you ask? Because I wasn't communicating. Serves me right, I suppose.
Anyway, to all you poofsters out there, I truly hope you find what you seek...really I hope that you try to understand what you're looking for. That would probably help, in the long run. But, alas, everyone wants to jump right in without doing the footwork. I'm amazed at the amount of people who actually don't know what it is that they want or need. Wouldn't introspection be a step in the right direction?
Please don't take this as a rant. It's not. I'm happy, Daddy's happy, hell, even the dogs are happy. |
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Wow! Sometimes it feels like life hits the fast forward button for you. There are these nebulous, ambiguous goals on the horizon, and then they're staring you right in the face. Kinda cool. Kinda scary. And, all at the same time.
The "search" still continues, although, I have a feeling that she will find us before we find her. But, I've been known to be wrong.
By the way, I do post on the message boards quite often, in fact, that's why I'm here so much. Sometimes people's posts can give you a better understanding of where they're coming from than just the profile. |
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I am so tired, literally, just tired. I don't know why...well, I do, kind of, but I'm not going to be sharing it here.
At any rate, there is actually a point to this journal, a nugget of wisdom, if you will.
Being polyamorous does not mean what you probably think it means...mostly, because if you have a static definition you're probably wrong. That doesn't mean that the dynamic that you envision doesn't exist, it just means that's not the actual definition. If you would like the definition, google it or conduct a search on CM's message boards. The range of answers you will find will be astounding, I assure you.
Please don't take this as a rant, merely a suggestion for those who don't understand. I will gladly discuss being polyamorous....but I like to have a level playing field first. I don't have all of the answers, so if I give you a definition...can you see the circle?
Yes, we seek a specific dynamic in the whole of the polyamory culture, but that's not the only dynamic that exists.
Preconceptions often turn into misconceptions, so in a community of "open minded" individuals, maybe it's time to do a little learning on our own. |
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First of all, I'd like to to thank all of those who read to the bottom of my profile and responded...I've gotten great vibes from every one of you. So thanks!!! Oh, and keep 'em coming!!!
Now, onwards and upwards. I know people complain about searching for someone, but this has been the most fun! I have met some amazing people, albeit they weren't matches for us, but amazing none the less. I don't know if I should be having this much enjoyment out of all of this...but too late, I am. |
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Can I tell you that we've gotten some odd messages. lol Just starting a search for a third has been an experience that I won't soon forget. We are still looking, although we're not in a hurry...so it's become an adventure for us, I suppose. That being said, I wonder what people really want. Countless submissives have written things in their profiles and then when we converse, well, they show their true colors. I suppose, it's easy to take your time and think up something that sounds intriguing, but when you've got a time limit on a response some of the truth rears it's ugly head. Their are some that should re-evaluate what it is that they seek. That's not for me, but for them. It's a little bit of advice, I guess. You'll never find what you're looking for if you don't know what it is that you want. Maybe dust off the old "edit profile" button and rearrange your message. Otherwise, instead of finding and building relationship, all you'll reap is cynicism. |
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So the pondering is complete...
We, my Daddy and I are going to start keeping an eye out for the one who will complete our family. We aren't looking for a playmate, but someone to join us in our lifestyle and our lives. We're not searching per se, but if the right one finds us we won't turn her away. By the way, I didn't use that pronoun loosely...I think that a female will be more apt to fit the bill than a male...just cuz. Anyway, that's where we are, where are you? |
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I am endlessly interested in a triad relationship...has anyone out there had a successful one (even in the short term)? I've read about them, but it just seems overly romanticized. We are on a long road in our relationship, and this is not going to be comimg to fruition any time soon. I'm just pondering, I suppose. |
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There is something intrinsically distressing when someone is behind me. My back is exposed, and I am exposed. It is when I’m at my most vulnerable, at least, physically. You said something that struck me a while ago. I had written something and you noticed the symbolism of my not being able to see you. I have let that marinate. I have let that stew and out popped my conclusion this morning.
There is nothing more comforting than a hand on the small of my back, or a man curved protectively around me in sleep. With you behind me, I not only don’t feel vulnerable, I feel stronger. I trust you. I want you behind me.
Then there’s the whisper, the quiet release of words, a private statement made for one. It’s not for anyone else but its intended recipient. Now, there’s a gift of words wrapped up tightly in a warm baritone package. There is nothing more intimate than a whisper. It’s like a caress to the emotions, a feather light touch to the soul. Feel free to stand behind me and whisper anytime, Daddy. |
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Why isn't there a BDSM group in Olympia? There seem to be enough of us around here. You'd think there would be at least one group in town. Ho Hum.
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Something I've been pondering lately. I think sometimes W/we get a little wrapped up in what O/our expectations are. What do Y/you bring to the relationship as a Dominant or submissive? What makes Y/you different? What will make Y/you click with another person like that final piece of the puzzle? It should be just as satisfying. |
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Well, I think I should add a new entry, in response to some of the messages I have been recieving here. I have a Daddy, in the sense that I have a Daddy Dom. Most have not made the grave error in judgement, but there are those...
The other part of this journal is in response to some of the nastier notes I have recieved, queries that circle around why I'm here. Since, I've grown weary of defending myself, I'll answer that in my journal. I'm here because I want to be. I enjoy the comfort that comes from knowing that there are O/others out there like me. I have no burning desire to do anything other than peruse profiles and converse with others. Should those conversations culminate into a cup of coffee or a chat over dinner, then all the better.
That being said...why should I have to defend myself to anyone? What does it matter why I'm here? It galls me to think that O/others would be pushed away from the community by people within it. It's hard enough to make a decision to truly live this way without O/others, W/who should be tolerant, launching attacks.
*steps down off her soap box* |
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| Age: 35 |
| Northwest,
Louisiana |
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