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Male Dominant, 32, Manville, New Jersey
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Male Dominant, 32, manville, New Jersey
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Male Dominant, 60, Baltimore, Maryland
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About SirLost
Who am I?
I am a young, educated Turkish man with gentle personality, and twisted, sadist desires. I'm also a geek/nerd, but not as much as not missing the tastes that real-life presents. And a typical Leo am I, I enjoy leading and being in charge.
I am also an operator in #SLUTS, owner of #RapeFantasy channel and LostBot, which you will encounter in CollarMe's chatrooms.
I am NOT a hardcore Dom who lives his whole life in BDSM content, I'm rather a man with a Dominant tendency. I'm well mannered and gentle in my life outside BDSM communities and I keep this custom in here, too. That's who I am, I won't change myself for doormat subs.
English isn't my primary language, my apologies for possible grammar errors. I am trying to use the language as well as I can.
My BDSM desires
Terms can be confusing. I would call myself a Top, but some people would misunderstand what I meant. So let me talk about my BDSM desires without diving into terms too deep.
My main enjoyment is rapeplaying. Normal sex doesn't excite me too much; I want my partner to struggle, scream, cry with pain and terror. I must note that I am a conscientious man and I will NEVER going to hurt an unconsented woman in real life, I am *completely* against violence towards innocents. This is just a fantasy that I roleplay.
Since now, I have always conducted rapeplay via the opportunities those computers brought: Cybering (i.e, roleplaying with a partner online, describing what you'd do in that scene in turns). I am so interested in rapeplaying that I am the the owner of #RapeFantasy channel in CollarMe's chatrooms. But I also want to try real-life rapeplaying with a trustworthy partner when we are ready.
I am also a sadist (I guess you have already figured that out? *smiles*). I like the idea of inflicting pain on someone, especially by scratching and biting. And fear... I love the idea of conflicting fear on someone, but I think it's so hard to make that happen in real-life without violating the limits that protect the healtiness of the scene. So I'd rather want to keep fear as only a virtual element in cybering.
When it comes to relationships, I am at a middle ground between vanilla and BDSM. I love leading in general, let it be people or projects. And receiving the attention and respect of a woman who submits me is so great. But I can still live without it! Being one's Dominant is not something I actively seek. To be honest, I could even have a vanilla relationship if I'd fall in love with a girl who isn't interested in BDSM, but still had other common points with me. But hell, I enjoy being a Dom (it fits into my desires of sadism and leadership), we would complement each other if my girlfriend was a sub.
What do I seek?
What do I want from life? A pretty woman who would present her love to me, live close to me (so I could feel her physical presence at least once a month), accept me with both dark and bright sides of me. Do I want too much? Yes. But I can't help wanting. I have got no faith that neither I would meet her, nor she would want me even though I met her. It saddens me and fills my soul with anger, in addition to a painful childhood I lived. Sadism and rapeplaying is how I alleviate this wrath.
It's much more possible for me to find partners for online rapeplaying or other sado/maso scenes. A reason why I use BDSM sites is to find partners.
What DON'T I seek?
* Doormats, beggars. I can't respect people who can't respect themselves. And I don't even want to rape one whom I don't respect.
* A 24/7 hardcore BDSM relationship. I am just not suitable for that.
* People who can't spell.
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My relationship with my previous sub is over. It became obvious that she isn't the girl she claimed to be, all we had seen was an old hag (stormey) who was abusing the pictures of her beautiful niece, who had no idea about CollarMe or BDSM.
To be honest, I was always aware of the possibility that I had been cheated. I collected sufficient information to research who was the girl on the pictures in fact and how I could contact her. I found stormey's niece and showed her how disgusting her aunt is. That hag shall find what she deserves. |
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You take myself you take my self control
You got me living only for the night
Before the morning comes
A story's told
You take myself you take my self control
Another night, another day goes by
I never stop myself to wonder why
You help me to forget to play my role
You take myself you take my self control
I, I live among the creatures of the night
I haven't got the will to try and fight
Against a new tomorrow
So I guess I'll just believe it
That tomorrow never comes
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of my dream
I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something
So I'll make myself believe it
That this night will never go
Ohoho, ohoho,ohoho, ohoho Ohoho... |
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Do you believe in love at the first sight? Today, I began to do. |
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I hate it when our profile pictures' aspect ratio stays at their old values temporarily when we change them. Even though for a short time, it makes us look like we uploaded that stretched stupid pictures, heh! |
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If you don't receive a "I hope your mothers uterus explodes you worthless vile of putrid shit!" PM from a banned user, you are not an operator in #SLUTS. |
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Question: What happened to #RavishFantasy-Elite channel?
Answer: I have joined #SLUTS. What I mean with "joining" is spending my whole time and energy for this room, whose foundation I helped. We are going great so far, though I wish more people with my fantasy came here...
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I have finally started my own chatroom: #RavishFantasy-Elite, at the cost of my operator status in R&B room being taken off. I don't hope my room ever will be as crowded as that room, but I am still so proud of myself for taking this stand.
What is the point of staying somewhere as an operator if you are not allowed to voice your thoughts and ideas? Or when you had to watch un-desperate, self-respecting women being driven away just because they didn't want to rapelay with overly aggressive men who can't spell simple words? Why some people don't understand that you can have both a protective nature of a lion and fantasies of ravishing?
Maybe there will nobody in my room, but at least I know that there will be noone to tell me to surpass my voice. |
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Today someone joined a chatroom that I was in. Asked us a question about CollarMe chatrooms, then left the room about a few seconds later she asked the question, without giving me any time to complete my short sentence.
People, please grab a brain. Thanks.
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I feel like people in the chatrooms are somewhat scared or disgusted of me, as I am becoming more addicted to roleplaying. Perceiving me as a guy who only cares for the comfort of his dick.
The worst part is, I guess they are right. I used to be a kind, romantic guy, but I am becoming a jerk who cares about nothing but to fuck someone. Who the hell cares about my tantrums after the recent break up with my girlfriend? Or how much I got hurt no matter how nice I was? |
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Do you know what annoying is?
Half of the sub women don't believe that you can actually be a good man just because you're into rape roleplay. Yes, the reason why you are a single guy must always be you're either ugly or a jerk who tries to torture his girlfriends, it can't be because you just lack of communication skills. Or you can't be a guy whose good deeds were abused in his last relationship.
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There's no greater power than the power of goodbye |
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Removed my photographs from here. I won't need them here :)
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One of the worst thing about being a chat room operator is the banned people tilting at you whenever they catch you outside of your room.
Even when you haven't witnessed (leave alone having committed) their bannings, they ask you why they are banned. You say you don't know why, you can only present your assumptions and guesses. Then they ask you to ask the room owner and other operators the reason of the ban and maybe recover it, you tell them you aren't at such a position to query (or maybe you say you will ask it when a convenient time comes). Then you get these replies:
"Sorry, I have bothered you. Don't you ever talk to me again."
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"Put an @ in front of someones name and they think they are god"
Just because you have refused to use an authority that you actually don't possess, as if you slacked these people instead of trying to help...
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My latest experiences here are mostly positive ones. It is great to be with people who understands that I don't have to be a disrespectful jerk in RT just because I do rape roleplays and have a dominant orientation, and appreciates my off-game kindness.
Damnit, I am getting addicted...
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D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.
I loved this abbreviation.
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Nowadays, I'm feeling like the man I want to be. I am happy, in other words :)
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I logged in CollarMe's chatroom after being away for a long time and a room inhabitant asked me, "Hey, it's nice to see you again. I hope you were okay?"
What she didn't know was that I am not here when I am okay.
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It seems like I ought to update my profile as my needs and desires changed radically.
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One of those dark periods...
"I guess I don't need antidepressants anymore", I would say only a few
weeks ago. They seem insufficient now. I have got a lot of work to do,
there are projects awaiting to be finished, left alone my studies. But
I'm losing my ambition. Flames of greed turns into the ashes of sloth.
I don't know what I want or need. Or why I spend my hours in rape
roleplay chatrooms while I am asking nobody to play with me and
moreover rejecting anybody asking to play. Or why I want to isolate
myself from my family and friends, while they are ready there for me to
talk. I don't know why I need to interact with strangers in spite of my
misanthropy I began to develop lately.
Meine Wut will nicht Sterben
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I can't believe I had rejected a decent looking local sub's offer due to my relationship with a retarded girl. Lesson to learn: Don't date with girls who are not above average intelligence.
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I guess I should have stated it clear, I like only rape roleplays. I thought I stated it clear enough in my profile, but it seems like I didn't.
It's shaming, but any other themed roleplays (and even real sex unless she's the girl I love) don't arouse me much. A reason why I like it that much is it's because I get rid of any pricks of conscience in fantasies. I hate the assumption of "Only rude jerks like this fantasy" of who reads the profile, but I guess it's an inevitable result of expressing my dark pleasures.
(I love FRP, by the way, but this is off-topic)
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Another thing, I regret for choosing a nickname starting with a "Sir", because it makes me look like as if I'm demanding respect. I deserve respect only because of my traits that you would notice only after getting to know me, and that respect is not more than you do your friends.
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?In case you wonder, she knows I do this. It's just that this relationship doesn't satisfy my all needs.
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Feeling guilty and awful...
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Gah! I have edited my photos, but now they aren't seen here. I guess it's the approval time, but they did appeared in my profile the first time I uploaded them.
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