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shat4u

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Friends:
cdwinter

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Question: What you do is totally disgusting!! Don’t you feel like a sicko pervert? Answer: Yeah, whatever. Now open your mouth again; I feel more coming. Question: I’m into dirty panties. What is it like to sniff yours? Answer: Like being slapped in the face with a week-old mackerel. Everyone loves it. After one sniff, you’ll have to masturbate ten times in a row.
I am not residing in Chicagoland at the moment. However, I hope to return soon.

I'm fat and ugly. But as a natural-born female, I have a female rectum, and you won't be looking at my face anyway. I'm interested in one scenario *only*. I'd tie you, to help you keep from chickening out as the deed becomes imminent. I'd mix a smoothie from melted chocolate ice cream, a banana, and a bit of my piss. I'd use enema equipment to inject it up my ass, and walk a bit to slosh it around inside me. Then I'd squat over your face and expel it into your mouth as you suck it out of my butt. There are health dangers for you; don't write me unless you are aware there are dangers and choose to accept them.

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12/30/2017 12:40:32 PM
Question:  Queen Shat -- may I ask -- do you have any health issues?

Answer:  Only mental health ones.  And those don't come out through my butt.

6/16/2017 11:12:46 PM
I've known people who like to lick assholes, and people who like to sniff armpits.  More of the first, though.  The irony is that I have two armpits and only one asshole.  If Mother Nature had been kind, I would have only one armpit and two assholes.  Fuck you, Mother Nature.

6/9/2017 3:22:02 PM
My dog reminds me of my submissive.  He likes to sniff piles of poo.  He will beg, if I command him to.  He is willing to cum when I call. 

My dog is like that, too.

10/5/2016 6:04:34 PM
Question:  Dear Queen Shat, I have a panty sniffing fetish.  Please, could you tell me what your panties smell like?

Answer:  Like rose petals and cherry blossoms, with an undertone of dead muskrat.  You will gag and get hard with each sniff.

8/1/2016 4:32:50 PM
Question:  Dear Queen Shat,  do you like treating guys like shit?

Answer:  No, I like treating them like toilets.

7/28/2015 9:20:21 PM
FAQ:

Q:  Queen Shat, I have an unusual kink. Do you ever do vomit play?

A:  If I were on an ocean cruise, I would never jump off the ship halfway to the destination.

Q:  I have a fetish about shit brownies. Would you consider shitting into the brownie batter, baking them up, and selling them over the internet?

A:  No, never. I don’t want to endanger anyone’s safety. Saturated fat is unhealthy.

Q:  I have an unusual kink. Do you ever engage in menstrual blood play?

A:  What are you doing, oh, a week from Tuesday?

5/27/2015 6:11:00 AM
Question: Queen Shat, what do your farts smell like?

Answer: A robust entry of cinnamon and dark chocolate, with hints of fresh pear and overripe apricot.  This initial sensation segues into a finish of plums and dried figs overlaid upon a background of cumin, ginger, hints of wet birch, and the earthy note of truffles and wet moss (I've been told).

2/28/2015 1:22:29 PM
Good Queen Shat
is very fat.
The things she eats
become your treats.

10/19/2014 9:40:31 PM
It can be done, but I found it's just too distracting and dangerous to allow ass worship while driving.  I used to have a couple of cars, but I rectum.

8/7/2012 9:06:24 AM

It’s been so hot and dry this summer! Surely a submissive would appreciate a nice lemonade after spending a hard day polishing the bathroom fixtures with his tongue.  Oh by the way, while most people keep their lemonade in a pitcher, I keep Mine in an enema bag. Do you know why?

It’s a shame about the epidemic of obesity in the U.S.  But there’s good news! My gift is low in calories and a good source of insoluble dietary fiber.

After a good dinner (for you) what could be finer than raspberry whipped cream for dessert? I have some raspberry syrup to inject, and a can of pressurized whipped cream (nonfat, of course, since healthy habits are so important). I would (gently!) insert the nozzle and squirt Myself full. I’d walk around a bit to help the ingredients meld (maybe do a situp or two?), and Voila! Dessert is served. Bon appetit!

Researchers have found the funniest joke in history. It’s aimed at certain specific fetishists (you know who you are!):  Many romance novels have the beautiful heroine cry a solitary tear. Question – is a tear the most romantic, erotic thing to come from a beautiful heroine?  Answer – it’s not.  (Hint: read the answer faster if you didn’t get it.)


7/14/2012 11:01:50 AM

Question from a fart slave: I love women's farts. I think of them as butterflies fluttering around my face. May I have some of Your butterflies?

Answer from Queen Shat: I think I have a buzzard or two for you.  Maybe even a pterodactyl.                                                                                                                         

Question: Goddess Shat, do You have any famous people as toilet slaves?

Answer from Shat: Why yes, you would likely be familiar with the names of some. But of course, I am totally discreet and would never give out such private information.  So, your secret is safe with me, Barack.  Yours, too, Mitt.

If two fart slaves can breathe 12 farts in three minutes, how many minutes will it take three fart slaves to breathe 9 farts?


7/12/2012 10:07:56 AM

The sign of a well-trained fart slave:  you have an erection every time you walk down the canned beans aisle at the local grocery.  If this is you, write to Me immediately!                                                            


7/2/2012 2:01:18 PM

Question from an admirer:  Dear Goddess Shat, You drive me absolutely crazy with lust. May I drink Your bathwater?

Goddess Shat:  Sorry, I must disappoint you. I don't have any, because I don't take baths. You see, I don't want to dilute My Essence with water. I keep myself pure, concentrated, and full-strength to maximize the experience of My submissives. As you can tell -- I really do care.


6/30/2012 1:52:25 PM

I’m always thinking of ways to be kind and help hesitant submissives achieve their dreams. So I need a biophysicist to help Me solve this problem:  how high would a tower (see below in My journal for details) have to be so that a gift falling from that tower would reach an impact speed sufficient for the submissive not to need to swallow at all in order to complete his task?

Lots of colleges have area studies like Asian studies, black studies, and even queer studies. I haven’t found what I’m looking for, which is shit studies with a minor in snot. But at least lots of schools offer a B.S.


6/29/2012 3:56:27 PM

Question from a fan: Dear Goddess Shat, my true fetish is not coprophilia, but rather spit and snot.  I wonder, how do your spit and snot taste?

Answer:  My spit tastes delicious, like ambrosia. That’s why I keep some in My mouth at all times, and why I’m always happy.  I wouldn’t know how My snot tastes (and don’t plan on finding out anytime soon!) but I can tell you that it *smells* fantastic, like roses in bloom. It’s certain that I have the best spit and snot you will ever enjoy experiencing. (I’ve been told that the crotch of My panties tastes delicious also).


6/29/2012 3:52:13 PM

I feel so bad about not fitting in here on CM.  So today I’ll try My hand at making an entry in a more conventional CM style:

On you’re nees, all you loosers!!

I’m a Dominate Woman and I want to Dominant you’re billfold!!

If your a pay piggy, cash cow, dollar donkey, lira llama, ruble raccoon, pound possum, or wallet walrus,

I love financial slavery, where you’re wallet is My slave and you aren’t involved. I’m 2 gud 4 u.

Send Me all you’re money threw paypal and then leave Me a loan.



6/24/2012 2:06:59 PM

I like to have fancy chocolates on hand for My guests to lick out of my ass -- butter cremes, caramels, truffles... But never raspberry cremes!! I would never force anyone to eat anything so disgusting!

Let Me share my insights about sperm versus shit. Sperm is (I've been told) slimy, it looks repulsive, and it can harbor all sorts of vile, even deadly sexually transmitted infections. By contrast, consider shit. It begins, often, as a delicious gastronomical treat -- Beef Wellington, pecan-encrusted fresh-caught wild salmon, red ripe organic strawberries, and so forth. As it begins its gentle descent through the digestive tract, it provides essential, life-enabling nourishment, as well as a full, contented feeling to the beneficiary. Eventually, at the proper moment, it makes its graceful exit out of the body into the eager mouth of the submissive. It is so elegant and beautiful a process that I almost cry tears of joy at the thought. Contrasting sperm and shit, it's no wonder that appreciative submissives crave My glorious gift so intensely, and why males try to get their nasty sperm out of their bodies as soon as they can.


6/23/2012 6:58:16 PM

submissive: "Goddess Shat, do You make me do these things because You want to disgust and degrade me?"

Shat: "Why, no, dear, I make you do them because I am fond of you. Now open your mouth again, I feel another one coming."

I am such a romantic! I love for My dates to recite love poetry to Me. Of course, it's hard to understand iambic pentameter when the poet's tongue is up your ass. Everyone -- hold your tongue with your fingers and repeat after me: "I was born on a pirate ship."


6/22/2012 9:49:20 PM

For most kinds of kink, you need to be a deviant personality. My specialization is the only one where it helps to be regular.

True fact: What's the funniest joke in the world? (Besides your dick, haha) It's how cats and men are opposites (see below).

I have a theory that saliva is a better antiperspirant than any aluminum-based chemical compound. To test that during this hot summer, I'm looking for a football athlete who would like to play right guard.


6/20/2012 11:40:31 AM

Question: Goddess Shat, do You ever sell Your dirty panties?

Answer: No! Never! I don't want some creepy pervert hiding in his basement, licking the discharge off the crotch of My panties and masturbating. I want you right here at My feet when you do that.

Incidentally, pound for pound, what's the most valuable thing in the world? Some women sell their dirty panties for $50 or more on the internet, and the only thing differentiating those from new $1 panties at Dollar General is a few micrograms of vaginal secretion. Dividing it out, then, pound for pound, vaginal discharge is by far the most valuable thing in the world. Yeast infections are truly a gift from God!


6/20/2012 11:01:55 AM

I’ve concluded that cats and males are exact opposites. When I say “scat!” the cats run away

 

State fairs have deep-fried butter, deep-fried cereal, deep-fried candy bars. What will they think of next? Hey wait – I have an idea!         

 

I got a new dog. She’s a mutt, but a good looking one. She’s mostly lab, with some German shepherd in the mix. In other news, I’m accepting applications from toilet boys for a three way.       

 

Question: Goddess Shat, do You consider Yourself to be a kind, supportive person?

Answer: Yes, I do. I help men and women fulfill their life dreams and achieve bliss. Now eat my shit before I slap your balls so hard you pee blood, maggot.

 

Question: Queen Shat, I am disturbingly excited by the prospect of worshiping You, but also worried. If someone accepts Your gift but then vomits, do You make them lick up the puke and shit?

Answer: What a question! What kind of horrible, cruel person do you think I am? Of course I do – I believe in second chances.     

 

Question: Elsewhere in Your journal, You write about breathing farts as a way to protect the environment. Were You being serious, or just joking?

Answer: Serious. Farts are nothing to laugh at. Especially after I’ve eaten a burrito. Sad to say, if every Woman had a fart slave (and She should!), it would hardly make a dent in the amount of greenhouse gas emissions. I’ve read that most greenhouse gasses are emitted by cattle, in fact. Now if only I could come up with a way to have my fart slaves make a more significant contribution to preventing global warming. If you ingenious folks can think of any ideas, let Me know. Can you steer me in the right direction?      

 

After years of wondering whether shit was sub or Dom, I think I’ve figured it out. Consider – toilet boys worship My shit. Other times, people put their shit into a toilet, which is what I do to humiliate subs. So, as it turns out, shit is a switch. Now if I could just figure out whether shit is straight or gay…


6/19/2012 9:10:47 AM

I've read that soft drinks are unhealthy. But I want to be a good host; what could I serve my guests that would not cause tooth decay? It would have to be inexpensive -- don't want to break the bank -- and conveniently available because I don't have time to do a lot of shopping. If you have some suggestions, let me know.

 

My fantasy: I'd like to have a tower, maybe 15 feet tall. I could climb up and use my toilet boy for target practice. That way, he would have the thrill of watching the elegant descent of my gift towards his face. And I could use the force of gravity to provide enhanced impact velocity.  [Quick: what would be the terminal impact velocity and instantaneous rate of acceleration of an object expelled at a height of 15 feet? For convenience, ignore air resistance, which would surely vary greatly depending upon what was for dinner. I think Taco Bell has an air friction coefficient of zero?]


6/15/2012 5:31:13 PM

Some of my close associates have been in the dumps recently...


6/12/2012 11:32:02 AM

Let's face it... if you made the effort to end up here, you are truly a toilet boy. You didn't come here by chance, after all; you sought me out. You might as well accept it and find fulfillment in living the way you were meant to live. Trying to deny your true self will only lead to a life of psychic pain and dissonance. Maybe I can help you fulfill this deep need that you so obviously have.


6/12/2012 9:02:58 AM

Can you believe it? There's actually a small, freaky segment of the population that is not into the same activities as I.  If you are one of those oddities, don't worry -- you're safe. I would never share my gift with someone who does not appreciate it. I think it was Aristotle who said, "there are too many deserving toilet boys and not enough shit." Or maybe that was Lao Tsu. But if you liked my journal, feel free to say hi and let me know. If you didn't like my journal, fuck you, moron. I'm trying to be friendly here.

 


6/10/2012 10:40:14 PM

I regret that I am not in the midwest at present. But I would like to use this profile to communicate with a few friends.

 

To Sir Shitface:  I think your wife would like to know all about your favorite activity, don't you agree? Open communication is the key to a good marriage, and I think you are wrong about the expense of alimony. Besides, you deserve to be treated like a piece of crap. If you want to keep this our little secret, then your tongue had better reach where no tongue has ever gone before, knowwatimean?


8/21/2011 8:25:07 AM

Question:  I am so aroused by Your profile and Your deviant interests.  Do You think I'm a pervert?

 

Answer:  Yes, yes I do.

 

Question:  What you write about is utterly revolting and disgusting.  People like you should be locked away from the rest of society.  And, um, do you have time for me next Saturday afternoon?

 

Answer:  Yes; I'm going out for a nice big dinner Friday evening.  Do you like seafood?

 

As you toilet boys may know, My literary tastes run toward allegories and deep meta-meanings.  See if you can analize (sick) the meta-meaning of this

 

Ode to a Toilet Boy

I want to take an epic shit,

the kind about which history's writ.

I'd pose you lying on some towels

Before I have to move my bowels.

To ourselves we're being true

when I have you eat my poo.

I know I'm going to create my art

when I first begin to fart.

I have a feeling up my ass;

I know this time it's not just gas.

When my tummy's nice and plump,

I know I have to take a dump.

The only time I'm really happy

is when your face is very crappy.

 

So did you figure out the meta-meaning of my piece of literature?  That's right -- it's a shitty poem!


11/12/2010 11:26:22 AM

As you may know, I'm a stickler for cleanliness.  But yet I hate housework.  So I've been thinking about how to make housework more fun.  Here's my idea:  instead of using a toilet scrub brush, I'd use a toilet boy scrub brush.  I'd stick a handle up his ass and maneuver him around so that his tongue scrubs everywhere I want it to scrub.  Of course, I'd have to be careful not to drown him.  (Although, if you *have* to die, for a lot of you I'm sure this would be a fantastic way to go).  I'd also have to be careful about ripping up his butt too much.  After all, I'd hate for my bathroom to get dirty while my scrub brush was recovering in the hospital.  This may require some practice to do safely, so you may not want to be the first volunteer.


11/10/2010 1:17:49 PM

More FAQ:

Q:  Shat, you are fantastic!  I think about Your smoothie all the time and am so aroused (in a weird, disgusted kind of way) that my dick is jumping out of my pants.  But do I really have to wash up in Your toilet?  I'm worried about being poisoned by the chemicals used by Your toilet bowl cleaners.

A:  Not to worry!  My toilet bowl cleaners don't use any chemicals.  Unless -- -- do you consider male saliva to be a chemical?


11/7/2010 12:12:03 PM

I bought a broom for sweeping my porch. But the straw end is wearing out faster than the handle end.  It seems such a waste.  Can any of you maso boys think of a way to help me even out the wear?


11/6/2010 9:21:06 AM

I've been thinking that I might make a submissive wear a chastity device so that he could not reach orgasm except in my presence and with my permission.  I would tie him up (and he would eagerly cooperate, for the chance to be allowed to orgasm), and release him from the device.  I would tease him but not quite to orgasm so that eventually he would become quite frustrated.  Finally, if I timed it right, I would make him climax right at the moment when he was eating my shit.  If we did this regularly, and this was his only release, perhaps in time the act of eating my shit and reaching orgasm would become closely associated in his mind so that they would be almost equivalent.  Could I train him so that he would have a spontaneous erection every time he saw a toilet?


11/5/2010 11:57:07 AM

Q: Why don't You put a picture of Yourself in Your profile?

A: I have a somewhat high-powered career which would quickly become a low-powered career if my associates knew I spend my weekends shitting on folks.  My associates seem to be very prim and prissy people.  Do you know -- I have never heard a CEO fart in the boardroom?  Not once!  Of course, appearances are deceiving... maybe all of them spend their weekends being shat upon by their Toilet Mistresses.


11/4/2010 9:27:11 AM

Good news for you!   Whenever possible, I eat organic fruits and vegetables, and free range chicken.   I guarantee no trans fats, and no artificial preservatives or colorings.   It's very important for us to be careful about what we put into our bodies.


11/2/2010 3:03:24 PM

I almost had an orgasm in the voting booth today...  there were so many shitty politicians to choose from!


11/1/2010 6:27:04 AM

Let's celebrate internationalism!  Do you especially like Turkey?  Chili?  Grease?  We can do that!  But please, not Wales.  And forget about the Virgin Islands.

 

I hate menstruation.  Period.


10/31/2010 6:20:28 PM

Q: With so many admirers, is it difficult to share Your gift with all those who need what You can offer?

A: Yes, it is.  Fortunately, I'm a regular person (if you catch my meaning).


10/30/2010 8:17:07 AM

Currently I have 19 pages of unread mail.  Of course, this is understandable -- many women are too prissy to be willing to help a toilet boy meet his needs.  As you may be able to tell, I am not prissy.   I try to reply to all my admirers as soon as possible, but I hope you will be patient. 

In this age of global warming, I hate to be responsible for any greenhouse gas emissions.  Therefore, I need an ecology-minded person to breathe my farts.  Save the polar bears!

Someone once wrote -- was it Emily Post? -- "You can tell that a date has been successful if you feel like puking afterward."  I like to do what I can to improve people's social life.

Romance is so wonderful!  There should be an intimate, romantic relationship between your tongue and my asshole.  Kiss it sweetly. Love it.  Caress it tenderly.


10/29/2010 9:52:29 PM

I'm so tired of doing laundry.  Can any of you nice boys think of a way I could get my dirty panties clean without the need for laundry soap?

Also, washing my cunt is such a chore. Besides, I think that pussy should not smell or taste like soap and water, it should smell and taste like pussy.  I wish I didn't have to go to Wal-mart to buy soap anymore...  what could we do about that?


10/28/2010 7:36:12 PM

To all you nice toilet boys who have proposed marriage:  Thank you.  I deeply appreciate your offers, and I greatly admire your fine taste in women.  (I mean "taste" as in discernment, not as in "taste my butt").  Regretfully, I must decline.  You see, -- call me old-fashioned -- I believe that marriage entails toilet fidelity.  There are just too many needy and deserving mouths out there to feed for me to be able to make such a commitment.


10/28/2010 7:23:01 PM

Q: But isn't what you're doing utterly disgusting?

A: Well of course it is -- that's pretty much the point, Einstein. What did you think it was for, antioxidants and micronutrients?


10/28/2010 7:15:01 AM

Q: Do you have a place for me to wash up after?

A: Yes, I like to be a good host for my guests. You may wash up in my toilet when we are finished.

Q: What do you think of men who allow themselves to be degraded in this way?

A: This is a challenging experience which takes no small amount of courage to carry off successfully. I admire and respect toilet boys. There is no joy in shitting into the face of someone You don't respect.


10/27/2010 9:45:20 PM

Q: You offer to give; would you ever consider receiving?

A: No -- that would be gross!!  Let's be reasonable, shall W/we?


10/26/2010 8:36:28 PM

Dear toiletboys,

 

I have been swamped with inquiries... no surprise, since the gift I offer isn't the kind of thing you can get from every Buffi, Muffi, and Jennifer at the church social.  I try to keep up with my correspondence, but there could be a slight delay before I am able to respond.

 

For your convenience, let me provide this FAQ:

 

Q: Are You for real?

 

A: Yes.

 

Q: Is a tribute involved?

 

A: No; do not insult me by asking.

 

Q: Do You hate men?

 

A: No, at least not at the conscious level. I am providing a gift, which will not appeal to everyone, but which will be rare and valuable to a select few who have special needs that are difficult to fulfill.

 

Q: What are You, some kind of pervert?

 

A: Duh!

 

Q: Do You have AIDS, hep, syphilis, or any other STD?

 

A: No. Nobody has been or will be getting their icky, germ-infested sperm anywhere near my body.

 

Q: Do You have any intestinal parasites?

 

A: Not any more. HaHa. I don't know who has it now.

 

Q: I really want to do this, but I'm afraid that at the last moment I'd chicken out and be unable to.

 

A: I understand that even well-motivated toilet boys who really want to engage in this activity may have difficulty at the ultimate moment.  Not to worry;  I am confident that if you are bound and I have a grasp on your balls, I will be able to help you complete the action and achieve the results you want.


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SexySpoiledBrat
 
 Age: 22
 Notts, United Kingdom