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| as long as i can remember, i have had fantasies of being naked and tied up and gagged, while people, both men and women, touch me and play with me, while i struggle. several years ago, when i started college, i discovered some on-line bondage sites and started meeting people on line. however, i never met them in person, and my relationships were strickly on-line. i kept it on-line, mainly because i was very busy with school, and i was afraid of what might happened. i have a very vivid imagination, and i would scene with on-line partners. i learned a lot about myself from these relationships. i learned that i am really not interested or like gratuitous pain. a whipping to keep me in line was ok, but i did not like just being tied up and flogged. i had some wonderful scenes--incredible scenes--with women, so i put down here that i'm bisexual, though i have never had a r/l experience with a woman. my best relationships were ones with Doms who had a good imagination, were smart, and creative in the way i was restrained and then played with, or compelled to sexually serve him. now, i am out of school, and have time to explore bondage further. so i'm putting myself out there and seeing what there is. currently i'm seeking a switch once or twice a week. however, i'm interested in meeting some new Doms to further explore my interests and limits.
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the Dom i had a snack with about 10 days ago was very nice. very low keyed. i enjoyed being with him (Dom D), and had lunch with him this past sunday. i think i've found someone to play with, in addition to my special B. i had a chat with D this evening, and i agreed to go to his apartment this friday night. he lives in one of the lofts in downtown. he is going to pick me up at my work, and we are going to have dinner first. i'm kind of excited about this. maybe as i get closer to friday, i'll get nervous. but i feel safe. i don't think the guy is a weirdo. |
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i met mr. prepackage last weekend. he was very nice, but kind of bland, which is i guess what i would expect from someone with a prepackaged resume. what was surprising though, was he apparently had not read my journal because he asked questions that i would not expect him to if he read it. we parted on friendly terms. he asked if we could meet again, and i said "no for now". i'm going to keep looking and exploring and after looking things over, maybe i'll get back in touch with him. interestingly C called me yesterday just to chat. after reading the journals of the former slaves and his present one, i feel i know a lot about it. a lot more about him than he knows about me. so i felt very confident talking to him. he did not want to meet, just to chat. i found out he has a house in malibu and it survived the fire. tomorrow i'm going to have a mid-afternoon snack with a Dom i've been chatting and doing a little on-line sceneing with. there is nothing much i can say, other than he seems imaginative and creative in his sceneing. but B seems to be the passion of my life. we are like toys to each other. despite our playing, i have never introduced him to any of my friends, though he introduced me to a couple of his. we are operating in two different worlds. i'm a college grad, and he is barely a high school grad. he is not particularly attractive, kind of plump. but god, we have fun. as soon as i'm with him i get wet. we're playing about one a week to 10 days. i'm hoping to play with him sometime this weekend. |
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i'm going to meet the Dom with the pre-packaged resume on saturday for brunch. i've been chatting with him in my yahoo account, and we even did a couple of on-line scenes. he seems quite imaginative and creative, and might be worth exploring. however, i'm really not ready yet, since i am still playing with B. in fact, last night he tied me up in a new way--with my elbows bent and my wrists pulled upward. it hurt a little, but not enough to take away for the intense sense of immobillity. B seemed very energized for some reason, and licked me through two orgasms, before he entered me and has his own. sometimes i wonder, why even bother with anyone else since i've got B. |
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i was going to meet another Dom this weekend. this one is a guy who initially sent what looked like a pre-packaged resume. i got a lot of those, and this one seems at least someone interesting. he also was agreeable to my telling him that this is an initial meeting; i'm not going home with him; and i'm going to be spending a lot of time looking. i also told him that i picked him out in part because he seems to represent a type--the type with the boilerplate language he probably sends to eveyone. and of course, i told him about my friend B, who i hope to see sometime this weekend. a short time ago, the Dom i was suppose to meet called and said he couldn't make it tomorrow as we planned because he has to work and asked if we could reschedule for next weekend. i told him i was busy on sunday, but was free on saturday. he told me he was afraid he may be working next saturday also. i told him i may try to set some other meeting with another type of Dom next week and should know by mid-week. we hung by saying we would keep in touch by mid-week. |
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last weekend i met another Dom, and initial contact. i've gotten a lot of messages from Dom's who claim they know what i want. i contacted a few, and told them i would like to meet them, but i told them i am only exploring right now and it will be a while before i settle with one, or try something. all but one of the Doms didn't seem interested in meeting with me undder those conditions. anyway, i met the one last weekend. i let him choose where to meet, and he choose a coffee shop in the valley. i met him on sunday. he was a little bit chunky, but not bad. B, my bondage partner is a little himself, so i didn't mind. after a little chatting, ordering a snack and coffee, we talked about things, but not anything aboutt he lifestyle as we were in too much of a public place. but i got a sense of him. he treated me with a mix of faux empathy and self-absorption. i did not feel i was really there. he really didn't seem interested in me as a person, but as an object. after eating, we went for a little walk at my insistence. i was really interested in his past relationships. he claimed he had a slave up to a year ago, that he had for a few years, but it ended when she had to go back east to care for elderly parents. i've often asked Doms in chat why their relationships ended, and this one seems to be one others have used. another one seems to be they got a serious illness and had to break it off. i don't think anyone ever said it ended because the slave or sub just got tired of it and wanted to move on with their lives. the Dom said he had a house out in sherman oaks with a fully equiped dungeon. he also said he goes the clubs and would like to take a slave with him. what turns him on? basically strict but firm discipline. though i realized while in the restaurant that the Dom was not for me, i told him what i wrote to him in IM that i'm playing regularly with a guy who lives in my apartment building. in fact, i told him i was going to see him that night, which i did. i told the Dom that i was not in a hurry, that i was trying to meet different ty pes, and i thanked him for putting himself out for me and taking the time so we could meet. i also told him that honestly, i don't think we are compatible. he wasn't upset which i liked, and i tried to explain that i didn't feel really any emotional connection. i felt objectified. he listened and really say anything. i thanked him again, and we parted. |
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with the experience i had a few weeks ago, and the advice i got from people here and in a couple of other websites i go on, i am going to be much more careful in who i see. i decided to explore a range of people, meet them, and see what they are like. i have been chatting with a number of Doms and told them that i might be willing to meet them, but i definitely will not go anywhere with them. maybe someday, but not now. i told some of them that i would be willing to meet them but i'm just browsing right now. that eliminated a whole bunch of people. there were three who said that was ok, so i met the first one last sunday. we met at the county art museum and had a snack and coffee. i decided to meet C because he said he had a slave and was looking to get another one for a poly relationship. i decided to meet him, just to see what such a guy was like who wanted that kind of relationship. i told him before hand that i'm not excluding it, but i don't think that kind of thing is for me. for some reason, he still agreed to me with me. C is very intelligent and charming, with a wide range of interests. we took a stroll in the park around the museum and talked about our interests. i told him about my experience with B, and though it is not what it was, we still play together. in fact, he tied me up and played with me the night before, so i'm not really in a hurry to find someone new. he is more than adequate right now. but i am interested in doing some more exploring with others, if they are right for me. i don't know if C was b.s'ing me, but he said he has had a number of slaves before his current one, r, and told me a little bit about his previous ones, particularly h and n. i asked where r was today, and he said he auctioned her off friday night to a Domme for the weekend. i gasped when i heard that. is that what a slave has to be able to do, is allow herself to be auctioned off. he of course say, yes, she does. i asked why he wants another one, and he said he needs more than one. also, he didn't know how long he would be able to keep r. his previous ones left, and r may leave also. why do they leave? different reasons, and he told me about h feeling she was left out after n joined the household. i asked if i could get in touch with h and n, and he said he, or claimed, he didn't know where they were. we finally parted. he asked if he could call in a month or so, and i said 'why not?' i guess C isn't in a hurry to get another one, and i'm sure not in a hurry to get hooked up to someone else, particularly one who may enslave me and then auction me off. |
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i have gotten some excellent advice from people about meeting Doms. if you are not willing to give me your telephone number, email address, drivers license number, and address before we meet, don't bother to send me any emails. |
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i met someone today for coffee, whom i have chatted with for the past two or three weeks. it initially went well, and then he became excessively agressive and domineering. as we were getting the bill paid, he invited me to come to his place. i use the word "invited" cautiously. he basically insisted that i come over to his place. of course, the more he insisted, the more i resisted. as we walked out to our cars, i realized i did not want him to see which one was mine because i did not want him to get my license number and follow me. i was actually a little afraid walking out there. he started trying to guilt trip me by saying how far he came--long beach, on such a hot day. as if i care. i stood outside and watched him drive away and then went back into the restaurant and used the restroom. i then went to me car, hoping he was not around to follow me. i was very nervous driving home and kept looking in the rear view mirror to see if he was following me. he didnt. this evening i got an email from him, which i didnt respond to. i also deleted him from my IM. it was a learning experience. lets see what the next guy is like. meanwhile, B called tonight and said he wanted to play. i had to beg off because its so warm. |
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wow! it has been a long time since i wrote an etnry. a lot of things have happened, but then not much has happened. since my last entry, B and i have continued to play, but we dont play with each other as much as we did. now we only play with each about once a week or once every other week. last night we played for the first time in about two weeks. i was alone, and horney, and had not been tied up in a while. so i called B and he was home. i went over to his apartment. he tied me up in real nice, tight hog tie, with me on his kitchen table. he then let me suck him off. he then gagged me, got me off his table and carried me to his bed, where he left me for a couple of hours in the dark. he went out. when he came back, i didnt know if he was with any friends, so i kept real quiet. he was with one of his friends. i was afraid B would take his friend into the bedroom and show me off to him. but B didnt do it. the friend left shortly, and i was untied. B and i talked a bit and then i went back to my apartment. B is the only guy ive been with in bondage. i've been chatting with some possibilities in IM but nobody really grabs me. maybe seeing B as much or as little as i do is enough. maybe im not really into anything more. |
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ive been playing with B just about every night. we are like kiddies in a candy store. a couple of weeks ago, we started looking at bondage websites to get some ideas of interesting positions. so we are experimenting with each other, and learning the ropes. he is a dream! in the sense, we are two novices learning with each other. this past weekend he did some suspension with me. his mother was away, so we went to her house, and used her garage. it was a bit scary, because i was afraid the pulley in the beam would break away. but it held, and suspension is really something. it just intesifies the sense of helplessness and vulnerability. i was B's toy. im about to go off and play some more. i dont know how this is going to end, but i hope it doesnt end soon. |
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well, my relationship with B did not end. i met him that night, and though it was awkward, at least for me, we slowly settled in and relaxed. i realized that we really shared something. as i looked around as we talked, i though, "hey, he isnt so bad, and we know quite a bit about each other. in fact we know things about each other, that nobody else in the place knows about." by the time we started walking back to our apartment building, we were joking about our little secret. so we decided, to experiement, but that night. the following night i went over to B's apartment. we sat at first, talking and joking about how nervous we both were. he finally got out some rope, and i let him tie me up, but i did not take off any of my clothes. his ties were initially so-so. he then tied me up tighter, more secure. he sat me up, and we kissed, and he fondled me. i felt like we were adolescents experimenting with sex. the next night, i let B tie me up again, but this time i was in my lingerie. it was much better: B ties were better, i was more helpless, and i really enjoyed being caressed by him, feeling his hands on my naked skin. The following night, i took off my bra, and then the following night, B tied me up when i was completely naked. since then, we have been going over to each others apartment, tieing each other up. i've tied him up a number of times, and surprisingly like it. i love watching and feeling B squire as i give him a blow job. other nights, im on my knees sucking him, or laying spread eagle on the bed while he enters me. we play with each other a couple of hours each night. right now in fact, i've got him tied up in a hog tie, laying on the floor in my living room, while i write this. this past weekend we went out and bought some toyes--nipple clamps, ball gags, floggers, butt plug, vibrators. shortly, i'm going to get B bent over my bed, while i ram a vibrator up his ass. last night B tied me up real tight, and put a vibrator on me and tied it so i couldnt escape from it. he let me be, and i must have had about 4-5 orgasms. there was a point i just couldnt cum anymore. one thing we havent done, and i dont know if we will is spend the night together. we seem to just like to play, and i mean play, with each other for a few hours. |
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i had an incredible shock last night with B. he kept asking me to send him my panties, so i finally agreed to do it. after asking me again last night, i said i would, and asked him for his address. i was shocked, when he gave it to me. B lives in my apartment building! i couldn't believe it. i still don't know what he looks like, though he apparently knows who i am from the picture i use on IM. the picture he posted...well...how should i put it? it doesn't show his face, but he displays some other part of his anatomy. after fumbling around, i agreed to meet him tonight at a local starbucks. i've got to know who i've been cyberplaying with for past month or so. i suppose its going to kind of be embarrassing to finally meet the guy in r/l who has tied me up and i've tied up in cyber in cyber. the secrets and intimacy we share in our fantasies. i guess this ends what has been a very unusual but very fun relationship. |
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for the last three weeks, B and i have been playing with each other in cyber daily--at least once a day. in fact, i just got off from playing with him. he really turns me on. just seeing him on, gets me wet. nobody in r/l ever did that! what a fantasy this is. i suppose i'm able to let go of myself like this because it is so clean, and safe. i really don't have a heavy male body laying on me, thrusting inside me. it is all fantasy. and what we are doing is writing porn, but it is a collaboration. the scenes we have been doing, is usually im the sub, but i have been the Domme a number of times. surprisingly, i really enjoyed it. we have tried, but not suceeded in getting another sub (female) to join us, so i can have a forced lesbian scene. B has gotten a couple, but the others have disappearned and we haven't really gotten far with them. as fun as B is, i think he is kind of kinky. he wants me to send him my panties, after i've dripped in them, because he wants to wear them! i guess its a little cross dressing, and i should be open minded about it, but i do think its kind of weird. |
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since last week i've played online with B. everytime has been fun. when i log on, and he is there, or when he logs on after i'm on waiting for him, i immediately start getting aroused and wet. i think i'm like a pavlovian dog. everytime we play, i have multiple orgasms, so now seeing him triggers an automatic erotic response. he is so good, because he takes time tieing me up, puts me into a variety of different positions, and plays with me slowly. i guess i also have a very vivid imagination, but he really taps into it. when i play with B i can almost feel being tied up, naked. well, actually, when i play, i take his direction and strip as he tells me to. a couple of nights ago, i started gagging myself, and putting on nipple clamps. so when he touches me, i naturally mimic him. he controls me, my orgasms, when i have them. fortunately, he lets me ultimately have orgasms, but getting there can take some time. tonight, i found out something about B, and myself. i found out he is a switch. i wasn't turned off by it at all. in fact i enjoyed tieing him up and playing with him, and controlling his orgasms. our cyberfun is getting kind of kinky, but i love it. |
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last night, for the first time in months, i had a wonderful time doing on-line sceneing. i put myself up for auction, and B won. i'm still not sure why he was so good. i think it was because he took a lot of time tieing me up, and he tied me very tightly so i could not move. he then played with me, slowly, carefully. there must have been something else about his manner, but i'm not sure what it was. but he told me to take off my clothes, which i did. and as we scened, i was naked. he was so discriptive of how he tied me up, it didn't take much imagination for me to not only see how i was being tied, but also i felt being tied up. i could almost feel the ropes around me. and when he touched me, i could feel it. he gave me two orgasms while we played. we didn't make any plans to meet again, but tonight i'm going back to the place we met and hope he is there. if he is, and wants to play, we'll just skip the preliminaries and go right to the action. i am amazed at the fun i had. it reminded me of the kind of fun i had when i first discovered on-line sceneing. i think i was pretty good also. i sucked him and he said he had an orgasm from my description. it was like writing porn with a co-writer. |
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i'm finding problems with the ones i'm chatting and playing with in cyber. i'm wondering if this really isn't for me. i played in cyber for a number of years, and it became more and more difficult to find people i could play well with. i can now determine very quickly whether we are good fit. but still, the prospects i thought i had last week, turned out to not be all that great. i have long realized that i don't like Doms who claim they know me, and know what i want, when they don't know me. when Doms do that, i feel that they don't respect me. i also haven't been spending much time finding a Dom, which probably is a sign its really not that important to me. i've been very busy with other things. some of the people who have contacted me have complained that i'm never around to talk to them. when i read that, my reaction is "get a life." anyway, i'm still looking--sort of. but i ain't in any hurry. |
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what a contrast between r/l and on-line. for the past 5 or 6 years i've scened on-line, on and off. when i did, i was wild and crazy, with no limitations. i had no inhibiitions, and i think because of that, combined with my vivid imagination, i had great scenes, with multiple orgasms of incredible strength and power. i was owned twice by imaginative Doms and we scened often, daily at times. it was that way particularly when i started. i was adicted to it but over time, i found it less and less satisfying. i accepted being a slave in part because it became more and more difficult to find imaginative on-line Doms, so i stayed with one who was skilled. even now, i'm still playing on-line, while i seek a r/l Dom. but my search for a r/l Dom is marked by caution and care. rather than playing with everyone who is interested and available, i'm proceeding slowly. i've given my IM address to a few people, and have eliminated some, while adding others to chat with. there is nobody as yet that i feel comfortable enough with that i am going to meet. but the process is continuing and there are a couple of prospects. i don't know if they are good or fair prospects, but they are prospects. |
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i had a wonderful holidays. i went to san francisco after christmas and then went down to san diego to visit friends. i'm back now, settling down, and ready to explore the life style. i got a bunch of messages i've got to answer (or ignore). by next week i should be able to start putting some time into this. for those who contacted me, please be patient. |
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there are a couple of Doms i'm interested in. i've been chatting with them in IM. after new years, if things are going well, i'm going to start talking to them on the phone, and possibly set up a meeting. but for the next 8-9 days, i'm not going to be around much. |
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the range of messages i've been getting has helped me start to narrow the field. i've received some from Doms who obviously did not read my profile. others are very brief and don't say anything. but there have been a few that seem intriguing, and i've started giving out my yahoo IM account to learn more about them, and they can learn about me. there are others ive asked more questions before i either write them off and go further with them. as i'm getting into this, i realize i'm very cautious. |
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i have so many messages. going through them, i realize that i am not willing to relocate at this time. it looks like there is enough people locally that it will take some time to narrow the field. there are a lot of very interesting and exciting prospects. |
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