Collarspace.com - The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line
Hetero Female Submissive, 38,  Washington County, New York
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

Friends:
Dinnardin MasterLongStroke MasterDJBEAR

Horizontal Line

Vertical Line

Username:

Description:

City:

State:

Height:

Age:

Sexuality:

Ethnicity:

Joined:

Last Online:

 sephisurrender3d

 Submissive Female

 Washington County 

 New York

 5' 4"

 38

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 03/21/06

 08/20/09

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

 Lives For:

 Begging (Expert)

 Body Worship (Expert)

 Bondage (Expert)

 Breast Binding/Play (Expert)

 Collars (Expert)

 Exhibitionism (Expert)

 Fisting (Expert)

 Hair Pulling (Expert)

 Humiliation (Expert)

 Leashes (Expert)

 Massage (Getting)

 Mental Bondage (Expert)

 Obedience Training (Expert)

 Orgasm Control (Expert)

 Vibrators (Expert)

 TV Sports

 Gorean Lifestyle (Expert)

 Lifestyle BDSM (Expert)

 Old Guard (Expert)

 Football

 Swimming

 Loves:

 Amusement Parks (Expert)

 Beachcombing

 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets

 Garage Sales (Expert)

 Movies

 Shopping

 Travel

 Camping

 Dancing

 Horseback Riding

 Blindfolds

 Canes and Crops

 Knife Play

 Public Play  (Beginner)

 Role Playing

 Sensory Deprivation

 Spanking

 Strap-Ons/Packers

 Whips

 Arcade Games

 Board Games

 Horror Movies

 Online RPGs

 Puzzle Games

 Role Playing Games

 Romance Novels (Expert)

 Science Fiction

 Simulation Games

 True Crime

 Web Surfing

 Aromatherapy (Beginner)

 Cooking

 Photography

 Writing (Beginner)

 Polyamory

 Vampirism (Beginner)

 Eighties Music

 Hip Hop Music

 Nineties Music

 Rock Music

 Badminton (Beginner)

 Bowling

 Likes:

 Antique Shows (Beginner)

 Bar Hopping (Beginner)

 Coffee Shops  (Beginner)

 Fishing

 Gambling (Beginner)

 Museums

 Musical Theater (Beginner)

 Volunteerism

 Aerobics (Beginner)

 Bicycling

 Hiking (Beginner)

 Sailing (Beginner)

 Walking

 Weightlifting (Beginner)

 Anal Play

 Cages (Beginner)

 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Massage (Giving)

 Tickling

 Wax play

 Card Games

 Comedy Shows

 Cybering

 Newspapers (Beginner)

 Online Chatrooms

 Sitcoms (Beginner)

 Body Art (Beginner)

 Gardening

 Sewing (Beginner)

 Tattoos (Beginner)

 Archaeology (Beginner)

 Blogging (Beginner)

 Philosophy (Beginner)

 Poetry (Beginner)

 Low Carb (Beginner)

 Swinging (Beginner)

 Alternative Music

 Blue Grass

 Blues

 Country Music

 Folk Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Oldies

 Pop Music

 R&B

 Rap

 Reggae

 Seventies Music

 Auto Racing (Beginner)

 Body Building (Beginner)

 Ice Hockey (Beginner)

 Soccer (Beginner)

 Volleyball

 Wrestling (Beginner)

 Tolerates:

 Art Galleries (Beginner)

 Hunting (Beginner)

 Enemas (Beginner)

 Housework (Expert)

 No Strings Housework (Expert)

 Rubber Fetish

 Historical Shows

 TV News (Beginner)

 Psychology (Beginner)

 Baseball (Beginner)

 Basketball (Beginner)

 BMX

 Kick Boxing

 Curious About:

 Bird Watching

 Clubbing (Beginner)

 Renaissance Faires (Beginner)

 Scuba Diving

 Snorkeling

 Tai-Chi

 Wind Surfing

 Dilation

 Electrical Play (Beginner)

 Local BDSM Community (Beginner)

 Fire Play (Beginner)

 Gags (Beginner)

 Hoods (Beginner)

 Masks (On Partner) (Beginner)

 Masks (Wearing)

 Medical Play (Beginner)

 Munches (Beginner)

 Needle Play (Beginner)

 Outdoor Bondage (Beginner)

 Plastic Wrap (Beginner)

 Vacuum Stimulation (Beginner)

 Occultism (Beginner)

 Goth Lifestyle (Beginner)

 Dislikes:

 Pantyhose Fetish

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Queening

 Serving as a Maid/Butler

 Speech Restrictions (Beginner)

 Watersports

 Golf

 Horse Racing (Beginner)

 Skiing

 Snowboarding

 Street Hockey

 Tennis

 Hates:

 Opera (Expert)

 Opera

 Boxing

 Hard Limits:

 Pilates

 Skate Boarding

 Chastity

 Crossdressing

 Diapers

 Foot Worship

 Skills:

 Housekeeping Expert

Now using: SimplyNai  Please contact me there..

Horizontal Line

Journal Entries:
5/24/2009 6:57:57 AM

                                  ME


You know people have told me I'm strong, but I sure don't feel it.. I put up a good front most of the time, but really I'm floundering through the day. I'm recently divorced, living on my own with 3 children with Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder and severe learning delays. Add to that my intense need for this life that has been so sadly denied and I'm an emotional mess inside.

I have made many mistakes in being essentially both parents to my 4 children.( the oldest lives with his dad but has no guidence from his father) Sometimes I look at myself wondering how I do this everyday when I feel so damn empty inside, and that really I have no basis for even being a parent having not had a close relationship with my parents.

I stumble, I fall, I get back up and do it all over again..I have regrets, I have a million of them along with fears..I long ago forgot what hopes and dreams were, at least for me. Though someone came into my life and showed me a great deal about myself, life in general and began wakeing up the person who I locked inside along time ago. And as that person emerges those long ago cast aside labels, views and fears have reared there heads with a vengence. Things I once thought nothing of doing or being are now like a pariahs gate after living "nilla' for the better part of 3 years.

I read "Different Loving, The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission" recently and boy did that open my eyes to a great deal of misconceptions I had been taught for so many years. And in that whole venue of reading my mind was at war within itself and with my body as well. Some of the things in that book had my upbringing and societies protocol slamming me in the gut making me say hell no. Yet the whole time my consciousness was saying hold up a minute , you have done some of these things and more and enjoyed them without a second thought. My body too was screaming as it awoke to things that once made me grovel to experience and ached to do again.

I feel in a way that because of hit or miss life experiences for the past 3 years, that I am like a Submissive virgin if you will. I have all the same fears I did the first time I feel into this world and found what had been missing for so long. At the same time I have past experiences to draw upon and know when I am with a Dominant person that I can connect with most of those thoughts and fears seem to fade away like a puff of smoke. Could it be those fears are just my way of protecting myself ? Of course they are..

This life, this calling of my soul to one who is Dominant and can harness who I am.. It's part of me,It's all consuming , It is as precious as the air I breath, the water I drink and the food that sustains my life. This call to submission runs through my viens like an adiction but one that cannot be broken, for to break this addictions, this craving, this unquenciable thirst would be to place a gun to my head and pull the trigger.

I am strong because I have to be, But inside I am just me..I am a woman who needs to be at the feet of a Dominant, to see the fathomless depths of his pride, love and ownership for me. To hear the tones of his voice play along my senses like a symphony written only for my soul, to feel his touch as it scalds my flesh showing me who I belong to with the lightest of caresses or the sharp sting of his will. Why am I who I am? That is like asking why the wind blows, why the tides come and go, why the sun rises and sets, why the moon runs from a shard to full , why the grass is green.. These things have always been and always will be what they are and what they do.. I just is.. I am just me because I was meant to be this way.



* This started out as a e-mail to someone who messaged me, I thought I'd share it here.. Thank you to the one who messaged me .. You know who you are.*

5/24/2009 6:16:58 AM
SO another weekend sitting home pondering lifes mysteries, the paths that I have taken and those yet to reveal themselves to me..A wise Dominant recently made me realize that I already have to many "what if's " and regrets in my life and maybe I should chose my path with a bit more levity so I do not add to the what if's and regrets. Though I have a very long list of regrets that I could post and whine about , I will spare anyone who reads this my old stories.

Instead, I will be concentrating more on whats important in my life.

1. Fixing what I feel is wrong with me.

2.Helping my children grow and get past educational delays.

3.Spend more time as a family.

4. Stop worrying about what people think that are not part of my circle.

5. Stop suppressing my true self for anyone and learn how to be comfortable in my own skin.

There have been several people on this site both past and present who have given great advice or shared stories by email or by their journal entries that are greatly appreciated. There are those whom I have met personally that I will always respect and thank for the time they allowed me.


My biggest thank you goes out to all those serving in our armed forces  and their families e they past , present or future. Be they Stateside or abroad.. Your devotion and courage will always be appreciated. Come home safely to family , friends and a country who adores you for you convictions, devotion and  sacrifices.


Have a safe and happy Memorial day !!

5/22/2009 4:28:07 PM
Wow.. Been a really crappy week with a few sad yet happy events..I found yesterday out that the PA school district let my daughter slide through with severe learning disabilities, then found out I wouldn't be spending the time with Sir that was planned out for the week end. Today was hard, disappointing and just heart wrenching because of the issues at hand.. I've cried a bit more than I like to admit the past couple of days over things I have no control over..Then today after being disappointed and sad I went to the post office to get my mail..My final divorce papers were there..I'm finally free of a marriage that brought way to many tears. It was a sad, disappointing,happy all at the same time..Sorta like another failure documented , but at the same time I had courage enough to go it on my own with three kids and move back home (600 miles away). Sad also because I loved my father - in - law dearly and found out he has 4 months left to live. It hurts that I won't be there to help take care of him.. All I can do is write him and remind him he is loved.. So now all I can do is try to keep my chin up and get through everyday hoping things work out with Sir and try to find things to smile about. Sir is an amazing man who I was so blessed to have want to help me become the slave I once was.. It's so refreshing to find someone who listens, teaches and guides without being obnoxious.. He really is one of a kind.

5/21/2009 5:58:58 PM
Been a crappy week and a very crappy day.. There is only one other pain that can match disappointment and a pained heart when the life you love is always within grasp but never fully clutched in your hand.. That other pain is the pain of a mother watching her children struggle, become frustrated and hurt as deep as a dagger cutting through ones soul and knowing it won't end anytime soon.

5/14/2009 10:50:45 AM
Things went well with Sir yesterday. He has decided to take me on being the biggest challenge he has faced..I know I will have a lot of work to do to acchieve what he wants of me..

Owned by slutdogg

5/12/2009 5:44:56 PM
Tonight started out fantastic, my tummy full of butterflies.. Sir is coming to meet me tomorrow and it should be a wonderful day. Right after speaking to him I got another call, one that I would have liked not to. The voice on the other end was filled with the ravages of anguish. One of my best friends was calling to tell me that his companion and another of my best friends was in the hospital in a coma. He did right by calling me, many others would not have.. You see I've never actually met either of them.. Lynette I met through my now ex husband, they had been friends for years . Her and I became fast friends on line and on the phone. A sweeter person you will never find, so loving , caring and giving . How I cry sitting her thinking of her in that hospital where we cannot even say good bye. She had been ill for a few weeks ,and Charles had begged her to go to the doctors.. She was stubborn and fussed but said she would go. She has been in a coma since wednesday , her lung collapsed and the other filling with fluid.. They give her 40 % chance of living. I still cannot believe this is happening.. She's a beautiful woman with a heart and soul as big as the world.. All I can do is tell you about her as my own way of showing her she is loved .. ~ FRIENDS ~ As we walk our path of life, We meet people everyday. Most are simply met by chance. But, some are sent our way. These become special friends Whose bond we can't explain; The ones who understand us And share our joy and pain. Their love contains no boundaries. So, even we are apart. Their presence enhances us With a warmth felt in the heart. This love becomes a passageway, When even the miles disappear. And so, these friends, God sends our way, Remain forever near. Lynette , you listened when I needed to vent, You made me laugh till I cried. I swear whenever I hear Oh God, Oh Geez, Oh you .. I'll always smile and think of you. Though I've never met you, you've been a dear friend, never asking for anything but giving all you had.. Please get better so I can hear those phrases from you again, So we can talk and laugh till the break of dawn.. Please, please come back to you friends and those who love you ..

5/11/2009 8:25:18 PM
Anxiety, nervousness, excitement, wonder, disbelief , hope, fear and shock all invade my mind and body as I sit here contemplating the past few days and the upcoming days. It's so close, yet so far, it's a dream , no it's reality. In a few days I'll lay eyes on Him and actually be able to look into his eyes. Is he the one, is it possible He found me and will want to keep me. I hope , pray with each breath all day that this one is the one I've waited for. I can't say that He is the one or not , time will tell. I know after wednesday we will both have a better idea , I sit with my fingers crossed that all will work out in the end. Having been in this life I know there are no guarantees, no one is perfect and sometimes expectations can be better or worse than the real thing. It's nice to have a Dominant who talks to me and not at me. He honestly listens , deciphers , and picks away at the information gained from me , before turning to ask me questions and make me think and react to him and his words. Already from our talks I feel relaxed and eager to speak with Him, looking forward to every email or call like a child at christmas..Smiles. So now we will meet for the first time..Im so excited yet scared at the same time.. Those " What if's" trying to break down my confidence. Instead of letting them get to me I toss out those fears by reminding myself that life is about chance and this one will not come along again anytime soon. But really it's more the fact that He has me intrigued, curious, wanting more.. And that's without touching me or looking in my eyes.. Oh I am so in trouble once I am standing/kneeling/sitting in front of him.. If he already has me thinking and anticipating then what chance do I have once we meet.. Smiles and thinks on that .. So the Saga continues as we delve further into knowing one another..

5/11/2009 9:15:41 AM
Old lesson relearned.. Even when your being honest and apologize some people will not care and turn nasty and vicious..To you who called me a cunt for being honest that I was now under consideration to another.. I hope one day you will learn compassion and grow up.

5/10/2009 12:51:08 PM
Happy Mother's Day !! So it's Mother's Day and what am I doing.. Work around the house. Clean , hooking up my washer and just general tidying up.. Why you ask... Three hyper active kids that mess as quick as I clean..I have cracked down on them about there messes and intend to do so more and more.. They use far to many excuses not to do what they need to.. As for me I'm making baby steps toward recovering the me that I want to be. Changing my routine's adding more activity and less sitting . Also trying to get over being sick and judging from the coughing and the pressure in my sinuses the first round of antibiotics just didn't cut it.. So doctors appointment as soon as I can get in. Three weeks of extreme pain was more than I can even bear the thought of again. I want to thank again all those who have offered their advice and caring as I transition from my marriage ending to being a single mom , and back to being the submissive I know I can be. Someone very wise challenged my thoughts recently asking me to name 10 things I like about myself..I couldn't get past 6 and that was reaching for things then..He then asked me to name 6 things I hated about myself..I could list them easily and then some.. I took from that lesson several things. 1. If I don't like myself who else can like me. 2. I have neglected myself and my happiness for far to long. 3.I'm the only one who can change what I don't like. 4. That I lost direction in my own life and how can I help my children if I cannot help myself. I had stopped thinking, caring or feeling for so long , He showed me that and it was a big wake up call..I cannot attain happiness with another if I cannot attain it within myself as well. Life is all about learning and I now have to relearn all I forgot. Goals for this week.. 1. Tell myself I am worth something at least twice a day. 2. Remind myself to not bottle up how I'm feeling and instead journal it. 3.Make a inspiration board that I can see everyday and work toward attaining a single goal at a time. Ok I rattled enough .. Time to get back to work . I still have to go shopping and fit in a brisk walk.

5/8/2009 10:48:12 AM
As I sit here writing I have a wistful smile on my face.. Yesterday was my fourth wedding anniversary and today I signed my last set of divorce paper. Kinda weird timing as it were that my last anniversary was the day before I signed my final divorce papers. It wasn't planned that way , it just sorta ended up that way.. Now that the end is so near from the five years of pain and heart ache I can finally breath and start to heal properly. Many people have commented to me on my writings and as I read there well wishes and sage advice , I realized how much I had tuned out , locked away and just forgot about . Where I was completely crushed , confused, lacked direction and desire , now Im slowly picking up the puzzle pieces of my life and trying to put them in order. Though they haven't even begun to close in the border of the puzzle that is me, I can not set aside pieces that I know will fit together someday and feel a little better about myself each day. Does that mean I'm fixed after being battered and broken, No not even close. But its the first baby steps into re-finding the woman I want so much to be again. I'm not perfect, far as you can get from it actually. But , thats ok because no one is perfect. Perfection is just a word used to set a goal, one that is unattainable. I will not set myself up for that failure, I will be happy to find fulfillment in being the woman I know once existed. A woman who can find trust in herself and in those in her life. I looked at myself as lost and confused, but now Im looking at it more as a rebirth into this life , my life, and who and what I am. And in that many people in my life will hopefully be accepting and understanding that as I grow my views change and I become more confidant in who I am. My journey as anyones is never ending, a road with many branches, twists and turns. Depending on what path I choose it may be a happy time or it may be a heart break waiting around the next corner. But , if I take the easy path I know Ill be miserable because that path is what everyone expects me to be. The harder path is the one that will lead me back to who I need and want to be. I look forward to that next branch in the road of life knowing it's another chance to learn, grow and find what makes me whole and happy. P.S. Thank you to all those who have commented and offered guidance or just warm wishes.. You will never know how deeply they were appreciated . The saga continues .....

5/6/2009 11:00:32 AM
So another week of trials , tribulations and growth if you can call it that. Monday Kids being sent home for stupid shit. Tuesday: Daughter stayed home drove me nuts. Wednesday: Buried my nephew today , it about killed us all. He was to young to have had to deal with the pain he did. Thursday: Will be my forth and final wedding anniversary even though we aren't together anyway. Friday: I sign my last set of divorce papers and wait for the final ones to be delivered in June. The rest of my life: Fix whats broken or at least try. Find who I am again. Raise my kids. Try not to kill my ex's. Learn to trust again. Find happiness where it may be. ( no more moving state to state.) Now the fun part is figuring out how to do all that and stay sane..

4/22/2009 10:18:53 PM
So here I sit having spoken to a few Dominants and realized how warped my thought process had become.. It's like the first time I was exposed to BDSM or slavery of any kind.. I crave what is there yet fear what might happen..I know the problem is that my trust was broken and I was left unattended to long. So how do I fix what is broken, can it be fixed, is it something I can fix on my own or do I need help making it back to who I was once? I'm lost , confused and broken..I fear letting go, I fight and question my own judgement .. So here I sit trying to put the jig saw puzzle thats my life back together.

4/8/2009 11:33:14 PM
So many changes in my life over the past few months and years..So where do I begin.. Biggest changes so far is Ive filed for divorce and it should be final sometime in the end of May beginning of June. Ive also packed up my life and kids and returned to Upstate New York. Being on my own and unowned has been a very different experience. Im finding I like some aspects of it and hate others..Ive also realised how out of touch and hurt I became in my marriage and being owned by my soon to be ex husband. Once a viberant ,carefree , ready to take on the world woman is now one who would rather sit in the shadows and watch from a distance venturing forward when absolutely neccesary.. How pathetic,right
? The first step is I know what some of the problems are, now its figuring out how to pick up the pieces and make my life better , new and full of brightness and happiness again instead of reservations and fears..

Cheers to starting over and finding the light from deep within the shadows of doubt.

1/15/2009 6:22:07 AM
Once I would have said I am a slave with fire and passion to serve.For a while I even thought maybe I was a sub needing a Dom not a Master..

What do I think now.. Well I think Im a sub with slavelike qualities , fire and passion , a great deal of heart and commitment for the right person.

BBW Sub/Slave..

A few ways to automatically be muted :

Asking about my kids: BIG NO-NO!!

Asking for private pictures in the first message or first 5 minutes of speaking.

4/26/2008 10:17:37 PM
Well graduation night has come and gone.. It felt wonderful having my diploma handed to me and being able to look at my kids and know they will remember their mom graduating college. I faced another fear today.. My fear of needles and being claustrophobic..I actually went and got my tongue pierced.. OWWWIES..It hurt like hell but thinking back on it , it hurt less than what I hyped it up to feel like..Now getting used to feeling the bar in my mouth is really weird.. but Im sure once the swelling goes down it will be fine..

Now IM pondering my next challenge.. more piercings , another tat .. time will tell.. grins..for now Ill let this one heal before attempting the next challenge to my body, mind and soul..

4/2/2008 8:28:10 PM
I know its been a very long time since I have posted here ..Not that anyone is waiting to read my silly assed thoughts and daily events ..Laughs..

Since I posted last many new things have happened in my life.Ive made it through my studies .. And soon will have my graduation ceremony..I always was told I wouldnt amount to anything, I was to stupid and to lazy to do anything..Well Ive proven them all wrong and proven to myself that if I want something badly enough I can do it..It may not happen today , or the next but if I work hard and stick to my guns It willl happen ..

I now work in a Cardiologist office, I adore my office manager and one of my co workers though there are a few I could really do witout seeing.. But hey you have that everywhere right.. Afet I get some more experience Id like to try and get into one of the hospitals or a practice that better established that has benefits..

On the lifestyle side.. Well thats pretty much been on hold with school and now work.. trying to make room for things in my life and trying to refind whats always being misplaced .. Hmm whats misplaced.. My mind, My heart, my passion, my desire.. pretty much feel blah for the most part perhaps oneday Ill get all those parts back in sync .. You think its possible.. I sure hope so..

10/8/2007 2:51:38 PM
10-8-07

  The new semester is under way.. So far I love it... Clinicals has me intrigued and wanting to know more, Anatomy is semi cool right now learing the technicalities of our bodies isnt as easy as understanding OB/GYN chapters. Phamagology seems to be going ok well except for being terrified of the math we will be doing.. Gads I hate my old high school for passing me through without knowing how to do this stuff...I already requested a tutor even though we havent started the math..This way I have time to try and understand all this before we get to it and I fall behind..

Anyway the month started out fairly decent.. Lets hope it continuses on an even keel..Ive been busy doing work ahead in my chapters every spare minute I have so I can have as much spare time later to do the math and calculations of medication dosages..

Things at home are fairly quiet, well as quiet as it gets with kids with ADHD ..I have some new resources to help them with their schooling and the areas they are falling behind in.. I wish they hadnt inherited my educational low points but they did.. Now all I can do is help them and push the school to do their damn jobs when it comes to kids with disabilities..

As for my lifestyle needs.. they have me tied in knots and confused as to what I am.. Am I a slave? I dont think so because I cant let go completely and trust after all the crap Ive been through in my life.. Am I a sub? Thats alittle more realistic I'm thinking but still I have those slave qualities that need fed..The there is the wild, Independent streak that rears its head now and again.. So pray someone tell me what I am and where I fit into this jig saw puzzle called life....

Confuffled ramblings of a twisted mind,

Seph

9/20/2007 10:58:44 PM
9-21-07

Someone asked me recently why my Husband/ Dom would allow me to serve another..The answer is not a simple one, but one I will try and explain. I thrive on learning, undertsanding and growing in who I am and the things that play a key part of my life. My husband/Dom has another slave who lives with us and right now they are expanding on their relationship..I seek a Dom with more experience that can lead me down unexplored paths. Im not looking for a one night play session, rather a steady relationship where I can learn and grow and serve a Master who can handle someone who tests the limits, who has lost alot of the fire that made me a sub/slave to begin with.

Think of me as a flower bending to try and catch the suns rays , aching to be nourished in so many ways yet the space that I am in is far to small..I need room to breath and grow , to learn and experience, to break free of my inhibitions and feel whole..Whats inside me is aching to be explored but at the same time Im lost and need to be guided back down the road to my submission...Back to what I once was and built upon filling the void that settles inside my soul..

Alittle girls fairtale twisted to a grown up world, silk and leather caressing the flesh, words and wisdom weaving through my heart, mind and soul awakening a fire that has lain dorment for far to long. Vanquished loneliness, fears and tears, replaced by contentment , passion and fire..A sub, a slave no word to describe how it feels inside.

Mindless ramblings..

Seph

9/19/2007 5:42:42 AM
Inhales deeply, another semester down: Im still in shock that I am actually doing this..Six more months and one piece of my dreams will be fulfilled, I'll be a Certified Medical Assistant..All my life I didnt think I was smart enough to do this, Now I know I can. Its a wonderful feeling to realize one of my dreams and put a few of my demons to rest forever..

Im the past 4 years I have lived in NY ( My Home State) Maine ( for 6 months) Utah (for two months) and SW PA (for the past 3 years 7 months) I managed to drive to all these place with 4 kids and a fully loaded caravan with no idea where I was going but an address and a map..OMG after all that I can say without a doubt Im much happier as a small town girl, I hate the big cities..Ive made alot of mistakes along the way and payed some hefty prices for the path I chose for me and my kids..

In My choices I have lost out in a part of my teen age sons life (He lives 600 miles away), Ive lost out on my family as they to are 600 miles away. Some of my dreams were realized in a sense but were disapointing at the same time not having my family here to share in my wedding day, missing my friends (I dont really know many people here in PA).

I can honestly say that in the see- saw that is my life I learn from my mistakes, stumble along fixing those I can and growing as a person by the experiences I have had. I know many dont understand me or what makes me who I am..But most write me off without really getting to know who I am and what it is that makes me the woman I am. Each experience in my life has shaped who I am and what path I will follow, but along the way I still need people in my life who are possitive and can look past the outter shell to the heart and soul of who I am..

I love to learn, to grow, to be guided in possitive way.. Im no fool I do know life is not always without its negative aspects . Life is so short and filled with so much negativity why must we add to it? As for the BDSM aspects of myt life, I want to learn so much more. I want to be guided back into my submission and away from the stubborn shell I have become..To be taught how to let things go and be what it is in my heart and soul, to stop the longing and ache thats there and fill it back with the desures and passions I once knew..

Is it really possible to shed the stresses of the many faces I wear and still fulfill me without the fear, insecurities and stresses overcoming those things? Is there a way to stay out of the shadows and be the confident woman  in my submission? So many questions and no where to find the answers..

Seph

9/14/2007 10:02:49 AM
9-14-07
 I sit here at the keys reflecting on the past year of my life with awe, wonder, happines and sadness as the many struggles and trials have shaped me into a person I dont know if I always like..
 In the past year I have returned to school(something I never thought I would get to do.) My oldest child is living 600 miles away which tears at my heart (16 and doesnt want to be bothered with his mom) Things have not been easy for my family.. Now I have 6 months of school left before I re-enter the workforce which is both scary and exciting all at the same time..
 During all the many changes I have lost my way where the lifestyle is concerned, between restless nights up studying, becoming independent trying to do so much with so little time..The want and desire is still in my heart and soul, but the drive and the passion are hidden deep after many disappointments and postponements in my life.
  So I seek someone who can give me a fresh look into the life and guide me back down the path that i wandered from..My life is complicated for some to understand but with patience and understanding the right one will be able to guide me down the path to submission..
  
 Seph

2/1/2007 5:12:25 AM

February 2,2007

 So life takes its many twists and turns alloting lessons abd new experiences at each bend surprise and wonder at each turn and fear and courage over every hill..

I am now in My 3rd semester of school and doing better than I thought I could.. Imagine My surprise at doing so well at 35 (now 36).. Its been a wonderful experience and though it causes Me some nervousness in being mommy/wife/grandmother/student/sub  and all the other titles I hold it fills me with pride at what I am accomplishing.

For the first time in My life I feel like a have more control of My life..hhhrrmm oxymoron from a sub huh..But then not really because I know should anything happen to My husband I can pull Myself up and rely on Myself and My skills to provide for My children..

From a sleep so soft and veiled I have awoken with a new strength and determination..Though I crave His touch , His attention and the feelings He instills I am blossoming into the person I need to make Me complete within My submission.


6/29/2006 5:20:38 AM

Labels never quite worked for me because ive always claimed to be nothing but me...I was never popular,never thin,never thought i was pretty behind the rims of plastic glasses..Now i have evolved to knowing i am me and that is plenty to be..I have followed fates paths through heartache and tears to happiness and fulfillment.. From sheltered little country girl to a viberant passionate woman..Here is who and what i am...

I am the mother of 6 wonderful children who bring me laughter and tears as i watch them grow throughtout the years...I am a mamaw (grandmother) of a beautiful lil girl that i adore..I am a mother in law to a special young man who has filled my daughters world with love , joy , fulfilled her dreams of mother hood and carrer..

I am wife/slave to my Husband who has touched my soul captured my heart and rendered me totally His from the first time He corrected me..(chuckles remembering that day 3 years ago)He has literally had me heart, mind, body and soul from the first time i heard His voice .. He has had me since hello..

So at 35 my life winds down the path fate has set for me , twisting and turning till im dizzy and dazed..(wait thats my normal state of mind) I am me theres no one else id rather be...

Now i follow the road from sweet innocence to twisted desires.We live the BDSM lifestyle though i can not claim the title of sub/slave because i have way to much spirit to be just one thing.. Master says i am His sub/slave with a whole lot of domme.. I am who i need to be for any given situation.. Look into my eyes and see the passion and love that awaits those who make it past my walls...I am many things to many people , but i am always me ....And that is enough...

Sephi


Vertical Line

Vertical Line

Copyright © 2020 Collarspace.com and VSpin.net  
18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Compliance Statement

Vertical Line

DMCA |  Privacy |  Spam |  Support |  Dir | TOS

Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line
Account
Horizontal Line