sensualwordz

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TIME TO FLY

After  a series of events, I find that I had just faded away from the lifestyle, and a little away from life as well.

I am ready to reenter but with more understanding of my NEEDS and desires, With my needs coming first

An increase in bounderies that Ive set for myself

 "A girl knows her limits, but a wise girl knows she has none." -Marilyn Monroe

SEDUCE ME

CAUSE YOU WANT ME

Suffering from Toxic Niceness is kind of like being a groundhog - everyone ignores you until they want something, then they feel entitled to interrupt your nap. Your Inner Bitch says, "I don't think so! If you want to know when spring is coming, look at your calendar!"

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It's a new year.. After the disappointment of a budding relationship that floundered then faded away, I find myself finally very ready to seek another...    Hoping it can fullfill the vanilla me and the s me  and the vanilla you and the D you

Could not have one without the other

Do you think its possible to ever truthfully say, I've done all I want to do, and I've experiened everything I have wanted to experience??

Seeking emotional monogomy

I find that the beach, for me, can be one of the most peaceful places, and can calm the many troubled thoughts in my head, bringing about clarity.
I prime the day, by planning my time, so that the tide gives me the most time to be parked with my car. as the freedom of not having to carry my many bags and chairs etc,  Then off I go, book in hand, car packed for anything that may happen,  blanket, chair, towels, sunscreen, writing material, wallet, for that coffee stop.
   Today, it was a long needed trip to the beach,  I had not been there in a very long time, but the beach was where i needed to go to clear my head of its many roller coaster thoughts... After reading and finishing a mundane book, I started out for a walk,  Walked 2 miles and kept in the water so that i could call it exercise. Thoughts,,,,  I am not who I was yesterday, nor the day before that, because I am always changing,   Even if i dont want to, my experiences of each day, changes my thinking, and my perceptions. I wake seeing things with different eyes..
   It is very important for me to have boundaries...   and they must be thought about before i firm them,  so that i am clear to both myself and anyone they have an impact on. I recognized that I am worth, whatever boundaries i need to set. Compromise is always important in any relationship, but not unbalanced compromise so that I lose my value to myself. I saw directions in which I want to go with parts of my life.   some may be very reachable, others may be fantasies..
I looked back over times  in my llfe and I could get visions, of things that were not really right for me, and ill never allow them again.  Learning comes in stages, we learn whats good and whats bad..And its what we do with the learning,  that makes us grow or stagnate. I know what I want in life, or at least I think I do. and the thing is, how do i go about getting it.
   Setting a straight course,  not settling for second best, but at the same time not sitting waiting for life to happen.   There is too much out there I want to learn and experience.  I want to lose fears, I want to like me, and i want to accept that others like me too.
   I felt the blessings today, that I even could walk on a beach and call it home, little did i think 10 years ago that Id be living in Florida. That I could have friends, and that I have met those who love me. That I have a job, a home, and sobriety.
   I brushed away a few clouds today, I let the sun shine on me. I accepted that I am not perfect and that at times i have feelings that need to be dealt with, and thats not bad. Sometmes there are wonderful feelings that I deal with,sometimes they are negative feelings. But I have the right to those feelings because they are mine.
   If i sit and wait for life to happen, i probably will miss a lot during the wait, and i have no guarantees that what I want for me is what will happen anyway.

So, LIFE!! Come on, give me what you have in store for me,  Ill be strong enough to weather whatever it is and to cherish the experience.. I'll pick myself up again and again,
   I'll listen to the learned teachers in my life, and not the people who want to see me through their eyes, judging me for what they can't understand nor do they want to.
   I'll add to my daily to-do list, one thing each day so that I can tell others how important they are, and one thing so I can tell me how important I am.
  
When tomorrow comes Ill be a little different then today because life goes on, and my beach trip today was worth a lifetime.

The cruelest trick life can give a dreamer is reality

Death leaves nothing the same.. It comes at you with grizzly bear claws extended and rips open the tough leather of our skin. Exposing everything.. Nothing left unscathed,  It all pours out,  with its slime and ooze and flowers and streams of beauty.. There is no discrimination between good and evil.. no discrimination between love and hate, laughter or tears.  None of it matter, it just needs to all come out,,,and expose the superficiality of the world,, to touch on raw reality...
It can make you forget that others have experienced death... fear,,,, loss, but no,,,you are so self centered at those moment, you only feel your depth...
Passion, I don't want to hear passion from you,  you don't even know how to spell it never mind live it.. Through shrouds and veils we live our lives, pretending to understand, pretending to not care. pretending to be heroes and failures all so we can say   "Look at me,  I am alive".. But death doesn't give a fuck... It will rip you open too, It will expose your strengths and your weaknesses, and you will hear them all at your funeral... Everyone sees you different, everyone will call you a different name,,, Bastard, Beautiful, generous, selfish, lover, mother, wife, friend, cheat, thief
Music will play, and steal your soul,  can you send it back,  Can I please hear it now  I need it so badly, I need to touch your passion, I need to keep my passion,  my love,  my depth and my individuality. I need to go into a hole and listen,  for your last breath, singing . your tears, your uncovered self,,,the self that death ripped apart... I need you to heal me,  the me that death ripped apart.

I am looking to meet friends,  to enhance my circle of true meaningful friends... Im not here to look for a play partner, but perhaps along the search for friends, I may meet the one, who i will seek to know better. Please respect my wishes and ifyou are only looking to cyber talk, or meet for play be upfront, or dont contact me at all... If, however you are a person of substance and would like to just chat about life in general, and how the lifestyle fits into that, feel free to say hello

Having newly left a M/s releationship, my search continues.