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Finding myself very irriated with "VICTIM" subs/slaves. I have listened to one for months about what her "master" isn't letting her get done. These things are needed Birth cert, ID meds... Alot of things but now when she says she wants to leave there are HUNDREDS of things stopping her and hundreds of excuses. Thing she doesnt know is I have been checking alot of the state based help agencies and shelters for her state.(which she says she did) She is able to get help without these things it is just a bigger pain inthe arse. I dunno .. I think his lack of maintaince shows a shoddy Master. I dont care if she is a slave if there are health isssues they need to be tended to in some manner |
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Happy Turkey Day One and all |
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Maybe I should add the disclaimer again...
These are MY THOUGHTS mine and mine alone. Just got a note from someone that thought I should see something from a different view... Had to laugh tho when I went back and read the post he was commenting on ....
BTW ... To you know who ... I STAND by what I said ... if someone feels the need to use excessive profanity .... it shows they lack self control .. and I dont think anyone who can not control themselves over BOTS ... yes annoying but they are a part of life here ... they need not be controling someone else. One needs to be in control of him or herself before they attempt to lead |
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Well insomnia has set in tonight so I am here reading profiles and I happened across one that just made me sick... Maybe it was his picture ... No it was his words. He called himself Master ... but spelled it masterSoandso capitalizing the first letter of his name but not the Master. He might... MIGHT fit in the top catagory but certainly not Master. Finding excessive curse words in a profile. Profile part as well as journal should say alot about a person.
Master, slave, submissive.... All should have a wider vocabulary and the ability to express one self with out the use of profanity. Tho I have been known to let out a Damn at the most in appropriate times, and a few son of a... managing to catch it before it all trickled out.
Ladies... think about this when you are reading profiles, if he cant crontrol his mouth.... or fingers in this case do you really want him attempting to control you ? |
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Uh Oh here I go again.... Found in the profile of a ... Dominant or so he says any way
"I don't want a submissive, I want a strong, creative, sexual woman who happens to be submissive at times and in specific places, and knows when and where. I need you to be smart and creative, yes, but also articulate, observant, and intense, but not one who takes the world too seriously."
So since I am submissive all the time... Make that slave or so Master says. I cannot be strong, creative, sexual, observant, articulate or intense ? I feel I am all the above and slave to boot.
One ..To be a submissive or slave one must be strong if not this lifestyle can become over whelming
Two...To continue to hold the attention of the one you serve one must be creative that holds true in any releastionship but more so in D/s a girl can only drop to her knees and ask boringly to suck his cock so many times before he starts yawning.
Three... Sexual Hmm I am sure there are relations ships out there where the sexual isnt a requirement but not only should one be sexual she should be sensual... I am not sure the latter isnt the more important.
Four... Articulate... I would think this one would be a no brainer where a D/s relationship is envolved the depth in which we need to communicate with our partners has to be clearly understood or some one is gonna be spinning his or her wheels.
Five ... Observant hmmm well a slave with no observation abilities ... do we even want to think of the consequenses of that ?
Six ... Intense.... if the relationship between a Master and his slave does not qualify as intense would some one please tell me where to catch the boat I missed ?
Wait maybe he needs directions to that boat.... ya think ? |
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Just for the record.... Just because I look at your profile it doesn't mean I am interested. Got a nasty note from a domaninat because I looked at his profile and I am owned. Last I checked being owned didnt take away my ability to read. Some profiles here I find intersing .. Some just down right hysterical... Wonder if he knew I laughed my way through his ? |
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Another RANT !!!!
Found in a profile .... a male Dominant
" If that is not what you are then you are not a slave, perhaps a sub or a make believer but not a true bdsm life style slave. "
He gives little defined information as to what he sees as a slave, except she has no rights and owns nothing, have to wonder how he expects her to pay her way away from him if after 3 months she doesnt like him if she is allowed to have nothing ( guessing that means she doesnt have a job either as she is there at his beck and call)
Anyway my RANT!
Who gives him the right to define what makes one a slave? The right to define what makes one HIS slave yes but according to some of what I saw in his profile I would not qualify as slave
He refers to Websters deffinition repeately (as apparently he doesnt know how to delete over posts) This is Websters Definition as it applied to slavery
Pronunciation: \'slav\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English sclave, from Anglo-French or Mediplay)of the lifestyle and I do not consider myself a BDSM slave I am more into the mental asspects of service. I dont need to be punished or beaten to serve him, he creates a desire in my to tend to his every whim. This so called master wears the mark of the beast in his nick, perhaps that should say it all.... *puts away soap box* |
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Seeking a girl is proving interesting to say the least .... What some see as submissive barely covers my deffinition of bottom.
LABELS YES!!!!!!! we need them |
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Master and I are looking for a girl for casual sexual play... She can be submissive or pain slut as well as he has told me I can continue to explore that side of me if I desire.
Size not an issue ...
Must be VERY bi..
Must realize this is NOT a full time situation
Need someone sexually open ....
Not really sure of his actual plans
He will have access to this name while we are screening as well
Prefer someone within 100 miles or so maybe a little ways into LA would be fine too, He and I have talked of a casino trip |
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WellI made the choice two days ago to try it with the Ex again. There have been changes on both sides. I know the chance I am taking. But we have something I had never felt and want again with him |
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Well at this point I am still speaking to Ex Master ... Apparently my brain has yet to be returned. I still have feelings for him and I still have a level of trust...... But still in the back of my mind lay the lies. Stupid ones if you ask me, but none the less lies and big ones..... He said this time he can be honest ... And still ... I cant walk away |
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Taking care of the grandbaby gives me less and less time... sometimes I just sit here and read while he is asleep in my arms....
In doing so lately I have new pet peeve,
If a slave is taken... and another vulcher approaches .. Simply do not reply and block.
It is simple couple of clicks and it is done.
Havent you realized one of several things
1. They dont care
2. They didnt read your profile in the first
place
3. You put a tit pick up and wonder why
there is drool on his mail ?
4. You put an ass pic up and you wonder
why the mail is sticky ?
Honor the one you serve by being the bigger person. Yes I have a few rants about this. One profile I saw today was a whole journal of such rants.... A bit much if you ask m. I guess with age I have mellowed .. a tad anyway . If I learned nothing else from my Ex Master ... I learned silience speaks volumes |
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Okay some one shoot me now .. And quickly. As I have said before in the last nine years I have been with two only ... the first ... well he is long gone out of my life .. Well I guess he really isnt . My EX friend , His Soon to be EX wife is back in my life and I see a replay of all his drama this time directed at her . But ahh that is trivial...
My last ex .. Welllllll we have been working a this 6 years .. 6 years that is come July. Probally could find the exact date if I went back and read my journals but ... if I go back through them I wil also see tha pain that he caused me. Heard that saying third times a charm... Well this would be our third go round. I know I had a brain .. Any one seen a well used brain running amuck around here .. if you do catch it and call me .. I need it back before my heart does something really stupid |
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Okay really some of these pictures people use ... Do they really think people are going to find them appealing |
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Have you ever found yourself wanting to say something nasty to some one but it just wasnt in your to do it ?
Well some of you here actually know me.... And you know the bullshit I have gone through with Dominants, But this one gal... Well she knew me with one and eventually ended up marrying him. She is now on the recieving end of what I was getting from him.
I wish I could habor ill will as she was part of it.. As I see it now probally blind to it. But still a massive part of it. She still is seeing I think as I did what the hell did I do to get this kind of treatment.
And she like I will have to find her own healing. But I can be the bitch on the wall and not allow her self pity. Because we have to face it that we can be used, we can be lied to, we can be hurt all because of who we are. I just wanna smack her and say get over it .. But it took me three years before I did.
None of us want to be alone as we get older, But the fact remains it is how life may well be. Well tomorrow is another day... I will help her bandage her wounds AGAIN |
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Much to my dismay this morning I awoke to a message that had been left as I slept. In the last hmm how long has it been .. I will say 7 years, I have had two dominants, neither has let go, one haunts me here checking my profile under his 3-4 maybe 5 names. the other ... with little sweet mails and notes.
At one time I had blocked both, but decided that the time had come I must stand and not let them interfere with me any more. One it wasn't hard to just laugh away his attempts to bother my life. The other ... well the other is harder
Both were cheats. both were liars. Neither has changed. The second rocked my submissive world, made me understand more than I ever had who I was. So much so I gave him a second chance. And now a year later ... He tries to walk back into my life.
The difference this time... is tho I still love him yeah nasty four letter word. I do not trust him. Trust ... that is the beginning middle and end of this. Wait let me rephrase that... I trust him, with my body but not my heart, he who I can not give my heart can not truly own the body.... it is sad.... At 54 he still is playing stupid hurtful games.... We shall see what he desires now... I am sure tho... it wont be what he gets |
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OKAY ..... NEW pet peeve
People who never put anything in their journal they actually composed themselves |
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I looked back today at all the emotion and laughter I have shared here. I have read so much bull shit ... And so much real pain of others here. I have to wonder why I still want any of this in my life.
The answer is simply because it is who I am... right now I feel submissive to a 2 month old, guess I wouldnt have it any other way. But there still is that part of me that comes back here thinking one day .. maybe just maybe.
Ike changed my veiw on alot of things, causing me to take real stock in simplifing my life. Can I simplify it with a Master in my life, ...
Likely yes if we have the same over all goals, if not it will likely be I will turn into a cat lady... NOT well maybe as when you live in even semi country people think your house looks good as any to drop off that load of kittens they had because they were to lazy to spay the mother.
BTW do you know how complex going green is ? I have read so much my eyes cross. Oh well ... It saddens me to think about not finding that match ... but I just wont settle for a partial |
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You really have to love the males on here that think women are total idiots .. Ok some are .. But one guy with multiple profiles here posts stuff that we delete from our mail most the times in his journal... funnny part is .... he will post them in multiple journals on the same day ... LADIES ....... READ these profiles ... SEE the screw ups RUN!!!!!! |
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Have you ever truly wanted to revel in an I TOLD YOU SO........
Well my chance came today... And tho when this happened .. Yeah stupid ass wanna be dom came between friends. ( Those of you talking to a Dom in Galveston to Houston Area with first intial D Contact me I have info you might want) Any how back to my point, I so wanted to revel in her pain, but I just couldn't.
I knew the things he had said about her, and how he was, she was totally blind... As had I been. It's five years later, hell I dont know maybe more, and he still haunts me.
Today she said she was done with him. Maybe she is with him but her pictures still adorn his page well one of them any way. there are three we know of. He wont be done with her for a long time, he plays a good martyer hmm think that is how you spell it.
I just dont understand it, him the lies cheating, YES I know women do it too but damn if I aint a jerk magnet.
Someone once told me I wasn't Mother Teresa,I couldnt help everyone, but, when some one was your friend... No matter how bad you were hurt you STILL dont want to see them in pain. Or know that it is coming, good lord but did she have to marry him, well i guess I know that answer too like so many she didnt want to be alone, but marrying him didnt stop his cheating. Pretty sure it didnt stop the rest of his bullshit either.
As he gets older I guess his lines get better. But you gotta understand this is a SICK man... Who else would hang a stuffed easter bunny in a closet by a belt, what the hell was he saying to me doing that, Lordy I dont want to know.
Ladies, hmm male subs too, you have GOT to listen, we have been there done that with the person we know what the hell we are talking about.... |
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Well so much has happened the last month it seems like it was two months. youngest , spouse, my dad and a friend all spent time in the hospital. Three weeks solid of that one in before the other out. And UTMB not being up and running fully didnt lessen the sress they all three were in different hospitals 75 mile span.
But good news is baby and mom are doing great, mom is back at school. My Dad looks better than he has in awhile and spouse well least we know what is wrong with him and we will fix it in a couple weeks. As for me, trying to get used to having a baby to tend to while mom is in school is proving interesting.
I am to old for this I swear, but, it isnt going so bad. Was looking forward to the time I could really hunt for what I wanted and settle into it, but alas it is again in my future.
Well the baby is asleep momhas him with her so I think I am off to play some scrabble safe travels all
Oh and D .... it shows who looks at my profile cant you let go ? You cheated and lied.... Go away....the other PROFILES will show as well so dont use it either, |
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For those of you that actually know me in life, My youngest had her baby yesterday morning. Her labor was long and rough followed by a C Section with complications.
This morning Baby Jason face surgery and removal of a testical. It is going to be a very long hard day for both myself and my youngest. Please keep us in your thoughts |
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Well things are starting to get set out like I want them now... seems like it took forever moving is gonna be such a pain, but aside of another hurricane it looks like this may be the last time.
My youngest grows more miserable as her child grows neared to his date of arrival. I am very proud of her tho... tho like a majority of men, her childs donor seems still not to keep his dick in his pants and she has severed all relations with him and his family. She is worling hard to finish school and already has jobs lined out for after the babys birth... Amazes me how much she has changed in the last few months. Son well .. thats another story.
My time away from here has made me focus on other things and other beliefs still trying to hold on to the last threads of faith but they fray quickly. Tonight, well this morning I logged on to see my ex here AGAIN ... I guess I am still glad he is my ex .. Cept I miss his mom she was a doll. Well off to try to sleep again this flu is kickin my ass |
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Well as Thanksgiving looms over us, I begin to feel for my boarders. They are good guests but they want to go home. I guess I dont blame them, not sure why anyone would want to call Port Bolivar home but they do.
Me well looks like I may have found a piece of property I may get for a song. I say that because it will end up being for back taxes which will pan out to 2000 for an acre ... Dont see how it gets any better.
The work however.... to clear the land will take awhile, may have to find a dozen male subs that like hands on work. ( Oh yeah and some that have tractors and chain saws.)
My youngest is pregnant, this place will have enough room to set her up in her own trailer on the property, hope she realizes what a gift it will be not having to worry about rent. She is 17 and has yet to learn just how cold this world can be.
I took some cuttings of my trees here for those of you that actually know me you understand how I felt about the trees the day I moved in here and how I felt about Ike removing them for me Well enough for tonight I have 50 pounds of carrots to process and freeze |
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Halloween draws near my oldest has a full evening for the grandbaby so I dont have to worry about the deco but I am going to Deco outside for Fall, Least this year we will have something that more closely resembles winter than most years. Always ( okay so the best I remember) is a hard harsh wonter after a hurriane, and since this was a doozie so should be winter.
Probally should have got more hay bales to put out and I am going to get several pumpkins. I saw one porch that had five different types on it.
I am already starting to stress about the move tho we truly have a huge amount of time I want things different this move.
I looked up the information on PODS last night good lord are they made of gold ? The cost for delivery is almost as much as a months rent on my house. And the monthly cost is half a months rent. I have decided to invest in plastic tubs and to start using free cycle faithfully. I swear I have more bedding than any 4 families put together.
I feel guilty now for looking forward to my son being out of the house. I guess that he has just put so much on me since his teen years began and is still attemtping to do so I just can see the light and freedom at the end of the tunnel.
Finding someone to share my desires and needs with has fallen so far to the bottom of my list it just isnt funny. I have so much baggage in alot of ways, and I know some of the things I stress about could be refocused if I had some one in my life, But where the hell would I put him right now?
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Today actually is the first lazy day I have had in awhile. Sun is not out and still to many others in here to get some sun ( yes I sun naked) Sun is more about feeding the body for me, much needed vitamins and Just some healthy nudity. (lord never really thought I would hear myself say that) Any way I guess that is probally out for awhile as we are planning Thanksgiving with my hmm I dont know what to call them now, they are still Ike refugees, but luckily more so family minus the bickering.
The thought of moving still weighs heavy on my mind, I love this place and the thought of replaciing it just isnt sitting well. My daughter the 17 year old pregnant one is someone you could only understand if you met her,she is a primadonna of sorts but has never held a silver spoon. I told her that we were going to try to look for a place that would be big emough for two trailers, least for a start anyway. She looked at me like I had lost my mind, HER live in a trailer, it was really just to funny.
Told her that I would help her with he baby but that it was her choices that got her into that perdicament and I was done raising children. She looked at me and said with this just slapped face look, and said " you are serious arent you ?" I just nodded, told her that little boy ( he isnt 17 yet) Was going to have to grow up and they were going to have to make a life for the child. Really love the parents thoughts on making him grow up, send him off to his mothers and make him get a job at McDonalds thus where he finds a new Girl Friend who taunts my daughters my space. Funny how the girl has to grow up and the boy is trying to make babies with the new one. * Groans*
One thing tho I am looking forward to this year is Christmas, Ike seemed to have given me a new prospective on life. Long ago I used to put the tree up on Thanksgiving Night I do believe that starts again this year. I havent quite decided tho how I am going to decorate it I think with sand filled ( only a light coating at the bottom) Shells and hand writing that says the names of the towns battered so badly written on each one. Ike will never be forgotton but Texas wont let him keep us down for the count. Well enough for now I think the dishes are calling me |
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Well the news I got today made me cuss Ike even more. My house took some damage, didnt seem like alot. ( I rent) But today I found out the damage paired up with the termite damage made for a no win situation.
Since we moved into this house almost three years ago I have loved it, trees ( not as many now) birds, stars clearly visable at night a yard that had the thickest St Augustine grass and a spot in Tx where no sticker burrs seemed to grow. A yard that was an acre big. Well my landlord says they will be using the insurance money to demolish it.
They have given an extremely fair deal on the move, time and costs but hekk i dont want to move.
So I guess now it is time to look for a small plot of my own, wonder if I pitch a temper antrum if they will change thier minds *shrug* Probally not oh well so the search begins |
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Well another day spent mostly in Galveston, still rather depressing so much is held in limbo as people fight to save what little they may have left. Some people still have not heard from FEMA many still have no power. There are still many getting meals from the local churches and Salvation Army.
Tho still in all Galveston County is beginning to show signs of a rebirth so to speak... But no one here will ever be the same |
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I am finding myself more and more agrivated lately As FEMA denies more each day, sending us a SBA application. Now we are all sick with massive colds, yes I realize it has to do with all the people we have been around, and the fact due to all the stress our bodies are not preforming at top level.
It is all still quite distressing. My dad at 76 still works a full time job at a garage, if he could get back to work he would be alot better, but I guess 8 foot of water in a garage with lifts and such just isnt going to get back up to speed in a few days. *sigh* Wonder if life will ever be truly normal again |
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Well yet another hurricane has come and gone, but Ike's wrath and memories remain. I moved off the island after RITA ( yess Tx DOES have islands that are habitated. And I moved far enough to keep the salt water from ruining everything, But some of my friends were not so lucky the beach calls their names to loudly, I watched in horror at the last bits of news came through before the power failed, a friend, a LONG time friend being plucked from his truck as it was washed away. No he wasnt an idiot he is an EMT and he was doing rescues.
His sister was/still is here in my home and we both watched in tears. Life now has changed there is no doubt about that. We see things very differently.
I never thought 8 people 8 cats 180 pound dog and a bird could live in a house and NOT fight, but guess what, we have all been in and out of this house since Ike and we are all still friends.
Waiting in lines for water ice and meals, we didnt get the MRE's but at that point no one cared it was food and it wasnt potted meat spam or those even nastier what are those things called oh yeah veinna sausages YUCK.
Alot of trees down some water in the house we are all counting blessings even as we stand in lines. Prices here are going through the roof, people cant find housing not even the elderly, FEMA, well I will be nice but they suck. My youngest child's room took most of the damage and she lost a great deal, replacing it will be hard but FEMA ... did I say I hate Red tape ? Oh well enough for tonight but I will be back, with more about my feelings on what is still going on here |
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Some days I come here hoping to find something that sparks me ... to many things here seem to spark up the soap box.... I realize D/s is as different and unique and hair styles and colors. But sometimes I really just dont understand some of the thought processes here |
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I guess no matter how good it was I just cant take the lies |
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For now my journaling can be found on DaddyAndCarina |
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I am Happy today Master allowed me to make a name for he and I here. it will have alot of things on it this one would have reflected in time. I am not sure if he will have ne lactation again but if he does all pics approved by him will be posted there. He also has me working on clit enlargement so those will be posted as well ... Also everything will be journalized there. Honestly there is no telling which of us could be on that name at any given time. |
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Today aside of hurting like hell has been a good day... Made a few friends on CM and got a unbiased opinion or two about my writing. Which I was glad to hear....Put a plea out tho for a couple ideas to go on for a story or two... we will see where it goes. I an still peeking in on profles and laughing ... you guys dont really get it ... NO profile ... NO interest .... DUMB profiles ... NO interest. Cant you guys really be honest about what you want ? Cant you say I really dont have a clue what being a Dom is let alone a Master ... I have NO experience but I will try to baffle you with the bullshit I spout..... My dick dont work but I have a .... Damn what is that pecker with a motor thing. I am so glad Master prefers hands on ... Okay I am gonna go write ... About hmmm the beach ... and his hands ... ohhhhhh yeah that one I can quote from memory |
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A little bit about my thoughts on safe words. In some forms of play they are good .... But then in turn I believe in if someone can use them they are not likely in the right place anyway. In this point in my life I feel there was only one time I should have used them... Well honestly I should say two. but one time I couldn't and one time I wouldn't But I want to talk more about the couldn't time because it is the point I wish to make.
Most times when a submissive/slave/BDSM bottom. needs to use a safe word she is not in the position to do so due to one of several reasons. In subspace ( true subspace) you cant remember your name let alone a safe word. I say true subspace because I do not believe many really ever get there.
Another reason is in our quest to please and perhaps push our own limits .. sometimes we end up in a place that can be a form of self hypnosis to conceal from our brain the pain being inflicted upon us. Some are just not meant to feel pain, but to pleasure the owner and sometimes even the play partner we will push to far, and may in turn not realize exactly how much damage has been done to our bodies for days. When you have reached this point of self hynosis the effects on the mind and body are simular, and again you are likely not to remember your name or the safe word. Now as to the time I also beieve we will not use safe words comes from a mind set. It comes during punishment we have earned it ( sometimes we do sometimes we have been set up to fail simply so it can be done and in that case well that is truly a time to RUN) Any way back to my point at times punishment is severe and times too severe, but yet a submissive/slave will bare it anyway not using her word because of the mind set. I was told once and fairly recently my lack of a safe word with the Master I have returned to was a stupid move. But when i factor in all of the above .... I have to trust him to play at all, he knows where I have been before him so he knows to watch for those signs ( before hm meaning that once I was taken so far past my limit I was in a state of self hypnosis and beaten so badly it was days before my brain really let my body begin to feel I was in bed a week before I could move literally most times I couldnt get up alone to go to the bathroom) I know from past he will punish me in several forms, but the last stage is only a few strokes with the belt to enforce the other forms of punishment. We will be moving deeper into the BDSM side this time.... But honestly I know the space he has put me in before ( mentally and emotionally) and I already know I dont know my name at those points.... I also know he has had to talk me down to make sure I was fine before he proceeded. So I suggest you really think about safe words and the ability to use them ... when selecting a partner of any kind. And Doms/Masters/Tops pleas please please realize if she doesnt say her safew word it may be because she cant. TAKE the time needed to make sure the one you are with IS in the right space it is only way her memories will be those that build her trust in you. I honestly dont think I am BAD persay ... I had at one point alot of baggage that hindered me.... But the one time I KNEW I was due punishment and would have taken ANYTHING he dealt out and never safe worded ... He learned alot about me and I learned alot about him... when he came I do think he had really considered beating my ass ..... But it was he who also saw the emotional state and rederected his manner of correction. Three years later the whole sequence of that punishment is clearly embedded in my mind and I have no ill effects for him to repair now from those. Do I fear his punishment this time .. Oh hell yes but not like many would think.... I know ... there is no chance of him going over board on any punishment no matter what I do ... But I fear that look in his eyes ... that tells me he isnt happy. You cant beat a submissive into submittiing .....You have to have in you what it takes to make her WANT to please you. |
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Oh Doc how funny you send me nasty mail ... you dont even know me but block before I can reply ... HOW CHILDISH.... PLEASE for the love of tags dont ASSume you know what I am because you DONT... This is what he sent ....
I think mabey you Need to find out what a TRUE slaves position really is before you go telling thew world your a slave. To be very blunt a slave HAS NO RIGHTS so if you choose a Master He will Cotrol you Completely and you HAVE no rights at all .
the world of being nothing but a faceless person behind a keyboard
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Got my hair cut today, well maybe I should say trimmed. And YES with his permission. For some getting a haircut is so simple, for me it takes an act of congress and tangles from hell. My hair is literally to my butt, and as many of you know finding some one who actually understands the concept of a TRIM isnt always the easiest task. funny thing is this time when I asked for one MAYBE two inches taken off I finally got exactly that... last time the trim turned to be 7 inches I cried for days. Only one by choice was a 13 inch cut and was donated to Locks of love.( cried then to but it didnt count) I still feel kinda guilty about getting it cut before his visit. Ahh well it looks alot better and the brush and I are friends again so all is well |
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Well today it is extremely nasty outside.... One of the kinda days you wish you were in bed cuddle to the one that makes your world spin.
I am doing alot more writng again these days, and that makes me happy. He is keeping my mind and body stimulated. The mind ... that is such an important part of D/s M/s and even those just into BDSM.... I really have never had an interest in anyone that couldnt draw my mind or curiousities.
When I made the choice to go back with him alot of things factored. When we started talking he held back on alot of things even tho we both pretty much knew my coming back to him was a done deal. He made me think he made me feel emotions again I had lost.
He has taken the time to regain my trust and has let me know this time there will be no walking away.
With in days I was writing again, I swear this one is already half a book. hah one of these days I am going to find someone that can edit and sell oll these pages I have gathering dust. My mind is constantly in motion which is really nice. I feel alove inside again... to me it just serves to show that We MAY be submissive or dominant but without a partner ... We are not whole |
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Well ..... Just a few thoughts here ... there are a few who read me religiously ... Yes I get some hate mail and that is okay to .... Means I made some one THINK
I am an avid profile reader as some of you know... And yes I know some of you could give a rats ass less what I think and thats fine to I am not here to win contests...
Today I read a profile in the assumed title of his journal entries he quoted something about wisdom...Well .... Hmm I wont go there but this is particular phrase that set me on end ... "she is my property in every way, mine to do with as I will, be it good or bad, " Slave yes I agree property yes I agree good yes I agree .... But BAD?
Anything with the word BAD in it or the implication can not be good for a slave or submissive. Bad for here is NEVER a place for growth. Bad to her ... well that is pretty cut and dry why would you be bad to something that served you conpletely ... Oh and by the way your pic looked like you are peeing in the creek .. VERY unappealing |
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There is so much that seems new about all this. I think I have finally found that place. The one a rare few do, he is something else really. With him I have no limits and it is a nice feeling. No I havent lost my mind it is about trust. I have always trusted him with my body ... and that hasnt changed. When I say I have no limits it is true but it is about trusting him and knowing that he will one not harm me or permanently damage me, he knows the things I once had as limits but most of them are on his list. Will he push me, yes he already is. Am I scared, yes of one thing.... not making him happy |
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I guess the best thing about being back with him is that I am again becoming surious about somethings I locked away long before him. So many of the things i have limited, so many I have just flat said no to for so long ... feels good these things again atleast stimulate my mind and inturn my body. Will I enjoy then this time around .... will I learn to like them again... Could be .... Who knows surely not I ... Master seems to understand what is going on inseide me now ... which is helping alot... He answers my questions and sometimes makes me answer them myself. Ah well off to write .... One thing that has always been good when I am with him my writing complies :-) |
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Well things are going along smoothly with him. There are times when I worry a little but for most part I have accepted he should have never been out of my life.
Alot happened while he and I were apart and sometimes I worry that the arthritis that has taken hold of my body may cause problems in service ... Only time will tell what will happen for us .... Good thing is we are both old enough to understand the facts of getting older |
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Well the new year came in quietly, Which may not be altogether a bad thing.Master and i have been talking again just over a month, things seem to have fallen in place both of us holding no grudges but we still talk about it, I think keeping it open reminds us weboth made mistakes and may keep them from being made again.
One of the hardest things I have ever admitted was that I was actually a slave. Why you might ask, even if you dont I am gonna tell you. Even tho i was submissive I never saw myself as giving in that manner. Probally 15 years ago now a trainer saw it and I argued the point for years, he always told me .... when I found the right one I would fall into it no matter what I thought. Well that time has come at this point twice. And now well I have only to comply with what I am with him and to him.
With him I have no limits... no I am not an idiot I just have come to know him and there isn a deep trust as to what he will do with my submission. He asks me many things ... Knowing in the past they have been high in my limits list...Some of them I know he asks of me are in his list of limits as well, so to answer if that is your desire Sir comes easily.... Some things he asks I am still not sure about. Only time will tell if he actually does them but still the answer comes easily... If that is your desire Sir.
He says I am a maso.... not sure I believe that but with him I know I have freedom to test those limits knowing I will not be harmed in certain manners, I can let go and experience things, he does have two things I have developed a dislike for his belt.... which is used in punishment, I have only felt it once and I do not wish to repeat it .... And this little bitty plastic pain stirrer lordy the places that thing can cause to sting. Oh well enough babble for now i promised him a story tonight when he signs on guess I should go work on that |
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Well First off ... Happy Holidays to all.... Finding my path back to him was much easier than I believed it would be. We have set off seeing each other physically for a bit to make sure our hearts are in the right places. FInding out your werent replaceable... and now understanding why no one ever met your expectations. Is almost unimaginable when the parts fall back into place. I do not consider myself better than any one .... but to know he didnt replace me, for the same reason I didnt replace him makes me feel atop of the world .. Like I WAS doing something right. I still come here at times to chat with old friends and pass time, and I still read the profiles. I really chuckled today when I read that one that made my journal hall of shame entries is already married and seeking another as well .... funny how they change once they have you bound with ring and collar. I still would think it hard for him to master a puppy let alone a woman... tho I wouldn't trust him with either. Ack I smell bread I think I better get back to cooking |
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Things are moving slowly with my Ex... It is working out well. Never have been with anyone a second time .... He was always different .... so why should the reunion be different.
I really think this time we will both work to bring this togehter completely. |
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At times I come here wondering what some of you are thinking when you write your profiles. Or when you send mail for that matter .... Many seem lonely and looking for a piece of tail...... and that need comes attached to some of the most ignorant thoughts.
*have **** will travel* So you have a machine that pets her kitty who cares ... If it is a machine .... hmmm why would you need to even be envolved ? |
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I am becoming more aware of him, I do not know if it is good or bad. The feelings for him still alive and well and living within me. |
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Well ........... I really thought it was no longer in me to feel the things I once did ... til HE walked back into my life. Some think I have taken total leave of my senses ... and I might tend to agree with them at times. I think about *THE LIE* Wondering if I will ever trust him again the way I did, only time will tell. The pain has faded but my eyes I hope are still wide open. He is STILL the man I knew and he still turns me inside out .... yes only time will tell |
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I read this in a profile * still a lot of fakes looking for whatever. I have a few ask me what kind of experience I have at being a dom. Dominance is not something you learn, it is in your personality and who you are and how you carry yourself. Telling a sub or slave to get on there knees and pleasure you is one thing and telling them and having them glide to there knees while they look into your eyes and or hear it in your voice that is dominance. Not to be able to take control but already have it! *
Actually Being dominant or submissive is something you are born with. BUT the skills need honing just like that of anything else. I write and I am VERY good at it but that doesnt mean I walk up to an editor and I say I write hire me. You should not have to tell one in service to you get on your knees and please me ... DUH she knows her purpose and tho giving a good blow job has some attributes it is so far from what is truly the essence of D/s that example alone tells me what exp you have ... But I wont get deragatory tonight. And as to TAKING control .... she gives you control of her body and mind ... SOmething you should never forget |
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I have read over my journal for the last year... I have come to realize I will likely never give myself to a man again as I have in the past. I have learned so much from the way they act, I know what not to do in almost every situation.
I am so different as a Mistress but I make no bones about what I want out of life. Understanding myself is 3/4's of the battle I would venture to say about half here either side just do not understand theor own needs and try to force that confusion on others. One of my trainers ... the one I have worked closest and longest with isnt happy with my decision, I keep telling he taught me the other side because he saw something .... He tho realises even with all between us I just dont have the ability to give in such a manner any more. In the past 7 years I have fully/only given to 2 men......One after a year of 24/7 type relationship I found out was only hiding from the IRS and could no longer hide here so was looking for another goober to use. ( Should have known he was looser when his mom paid most his rent.)
The last was now almost three years ago .... After a year of service and an upcoming branding ... Well he had a wife he didn't bother to tell me about even when asked straight forward. She was really pretty nice considering the cicumstances... I wasnt the first and I am sure I wont be the last.
I guess the whole point is .. No trust no relationship. I have made friends here... I am not giving them up. This is who they know me as and I will leave it at that. Just know if you contact me ... I will offer inteligent chat, horrible typos and a few laughs here and there okay so maybe more than a few. Maybe you can get me to come around to your way of thinking but dont count on it ... I have chosen a path and for now ... it appears to be the right one for me. |
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Due to some family issues I will be gone awhile |
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You know the who is viewing me tab is quite handy. But I tell you I must laugh at times... A certain male... notice I didnt include Dominant.... who has made it to the hall of shame for stupidity. Checks my profile EVERY day He doesnt miss a day. Now since I have told him he is and idiot you would have to wonder why he does this... Okay maybe some wouldn't but here is my take on it .....
Choice one ... He wants to see if I have taken the slave he swore played games with him but still was chasing her tail.
Choice Two.... He thinks I am going to come running back to him claiming he is a true Dominant and I WANT him (that near about gagged me)
Choice three.... He likes the humiliation knowing I will have soon what he will never .....
Well either way nice to know he is keeping up with me ... You know ........ ( name omited so I can keep my account) You will never be what you try to make others think you are. You will try anything to even get a woman in bed with you .... How long have you chased me and I am STILL saying NO ... You are a desperate lonely man who makes Sub Frenzy look like a picnic |
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* shakes her head* Well you see I have made it pretty clear that at this point I have not closed the door to this side of me but it will take someone truly amazing to find it again.... If Ever.
Today tho I saw one of the most assinine actions I have ever seen from a dom... Okay maybe not the most but my gods it was just so silly.
If it comes to pass that you find you and another are talking to the SAME submissive take it like a man.. Cause a woman wont act that stupid. The submissive too must find what is right for her. In time it MAY BE all about you but while negotiations and talk are still happening it is about her too.
This so called Dominant .. who I have talked to a LONG time and didnt meld with was STILL trying to get me in bed a couple months ago... Sorry Sasy just doesnt go that route. Annnnnnny way back to my rant... This dominant goes on and on about how he has been played by this slave I am talking to come to find out he truly has his own set of games one being short term memory loss as he told me one thing three days ago and had it so twisted up today I spent half the day rereading journals to make sure I wasnt confused. But in the long run I continued to talk to her ... He swore he never would speak to her again .. A few hours later .. POOF guess who is in her IMs. Playing his stupid games... He just amazes me okay thats a lie cause it isnt amazement I feel it is disheartened because here is yet another prime example of why submissives are so guarded.
I will say this again and again .. My choices in Dominants sucks canal water and I know it ... BUT in the long run my Trainers have been great men and I have learned not only from them but from those I have been with ... Dont lie ..Dont be deliberatly hurtful.. Be open answer the questions the first time the second time and the third time. Be open .... dont fabricate a story about ALL your experience but side step the past sub question ... if ya never had one SAY so dont pretend to know what you are doing and screw up and REALLY hurt them. Okay let me put up the soap box cause I am tired of thinking about this idiot |
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How can one expect of a submissive or a slave for that matter ...... to be TOTAlLY submissive ... One of worth is never totally submissive... I have been told so many times I am not submissive because of one or all of the following statements.
I do not use W/w E/e O/o Well you get the picture. Honestly I laugh when I see it and usually respond with I am not interested thank you ..... One it takes up entirely to much time to type, two I maybe slave but I am an equal being who choses to give my all to one. Three it looks stupid (In MY Opinion)
I will not use Sir until it is earned.. Come on guys you KNOW the majority of folks here are bullshit artists. Why do I want to say Sir to someone who is feeding mushroom food?
I do not use lower case the first letter of my name. Well no it is a proper noun thus it should be capitalized.
I will not send nude photos or masturbate on the phone for someone... Oh come on now just what would that prove ?
I do not like pain ... Well that is a choice I make I need not be into the BDSM aspects persay to be a good slave or submissive. I need to have the desire to plaease and make all aspects of your life more enjoyable.
I wont carry on a conversation with a Sadist ... now to me that is just plain stupid if I know he is shopping me for a slave. It is not only wasting my time but his.
I am LIMITing myself because I dont want a Master out of the US go figure ... if I see him a few days every three to six months what kind of service would that amount to .. FAILED .... Oh well
If this is the best they can come up with for why I am not a good slave or sbmissive ... then I guess they need to go back to the classroom.. And the one I will be totally submissive to is the one that finally captures my mind and heart and makes my body beg to follow |
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Back reading profiles ... Read one today ... profile was pretty good ... journal he askes somethings that made alot of sense ... But he askes why do submissives write in thier profile * I am not a doormat* Probally the same reason in a ton of Dominant profiles you find the mangled quote *Do not mistake my kindness for weakness* |
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Sometimes it just doesn't pay to sign on here.... Why cant you Dominants accept that some subs slaves and yes EVEN switches can stand behind what we say and what we think. Because we dont think the same way you do doesnt mean we are going to deamean what you have to stay ......... But christ if you cant stand behind your beliefs dont attack us because we can |
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Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. Kahlil Gibran
Hmmm Well this is the closest so far ....
Okay 12 web pages full of other web pages to read and I still cant find the DOn;t mistake my kindness for weakness.... tho I think there are 10,000 quotes of that around if not more. But to me this quote means a whole lot more than someone telling me DON'T |
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While looking around today to find who actually is responsible for the quote *don't mistake my kindness for weakness* Well I came upon this article and I found it to be quite interesting so I thought I would share as it is many points I have brought up in my journal. Well off to seek the quote again
The Great Leadership Challenge
If you want to be a leader who attracts quality people, the key is to become a person of quality yourself. Leadership is the ability to attract someone to the gifts, skills, and opportunities you offer as an owner, as a manager, as a parent. What's important in leadership is refining your skills. All great leaders keep working on themselves until they become effective. Here are some specifics:
Learn to be strong but not impolite. It is an extra step you must take to become a powerful, capable leader with a wide range of reach. Some people mistake rudeness for strength. It's not even a good substitute.
Next, learn to be kind but not weak. We must not mistake weakness for kindness. Kindness isn't weak. Kindness is a certain type of strength. We must be kind enough to tell someone the truth. We must be kind enough and considerate enough to lay it on the line. We must be kind enough to tell it like it is and not deal in delusion.
Next, learn to be bold but not a bully. It takes boldness to win the day. To build your influence, you've got to walk in front of your group. You've got to be willing to take the first arrow, tackle the first problem, discover the first sign of trouble. Like the farmer, if you want any rewards at harvest time, you have got to be bold and face the weeds and the rain and the bugs straight on. You've got to seize the moment.
Here's the next step. You've got to learn to be humble but not timid. You can't get to the high life by being timid. Some people mistake timidity for humility. But humility is a virtue; timidity is a disease. It's an affliction. It can be cured, but it is a problem.
Humility is almost a God-like word. A sense of awe. A sense of wonder. An awareness of the human soul and spirit. An understanding that there is something unique about the human drama versus the rest of life. Humility is a grasp of the distance between us and the stars, yet having the feeling that we're part of the stars.
Here's a good tip: Learn to be proud but not arrogant. It takes pride to build your ambitions. It take pride in your community. It takes pride in a cause, in accomplishment. But the key to becoming a good leader is to be proud without being arrogant.
Do you know the worst kind of arrogance? Arrogance from ignorance. It's intolerable. If someone is smart and arrogant, we can tolerate that. But if someone is ignorant and arrogant, that's just too much to take.
The next step is learning to develop humor without folly. In leadership, we learn that it's okay to be witty but not silly; fun but not foolish.
Next, deal in realities. Deal in truth. Save yourself the agony of delusion. Just accept life as it is. Life is unique. The whole drama of life is unique. It's fascinating.
Life is unique. Leadership is unique. The skills that work well for one leader may not work at all for another. However, the fundamental skills of leadership can be adopted to work well for just about everyone: at work, in the community, and at home.
Source: Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn |
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Since I am again finding WAY to many clueless males here again. I think I will again take time away before they run me totally Domme ..Domme is not where my heart is just something I do well..... Everyday I learn more about how NOT to treat a submissive from the MAJORITY of you males here. I have said it before I will say it again ... Dominant doesnt give you the right to be emotionally, verbally or physically abusive to one who comes across your path. What you negotiate ... Well that is a whole nother world.
I am thinking it is time to work on a garden .... Any submissives out there with a need to do yard work? * smirks * |
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You know the funny part about the arrogant male was that in the beginning I was polite ... well maybe to an extent .... but the part that some of you don't get is ALL submissives, slaves AND switches have the right to set parameters for what we want. Just as Dominants do.
The same going for the fact we don't all use A/all or U/us . Because I DO capitalize my name doesnt reflect how submissive I am. And this is a cyber medium when it comes to finding someone you MELD with THERE is where it all begins, there is where it becomes a place for submission to bloom not until then. To me the profiles here are almost like a play list tho some of us take more time filling them out.
IF you are cyber you go by CYBER rules but if it is the real world you deal in do so without causing others and yourself undue stress over crossing T's and Dotting I's until you even find out what you have in comman |
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Another blocked and an addition to my journal... I am not a proper ONLINE submissive because I didnt capitalize D in dominant... well the word in it's own right is a verb not a proper noun. As to the capital S in my name ... well it is a proper noun thus being capitalized.... Preppy... well I am taking that now to mean arrogant bastard.... His jhournal calls all of those with restrictions in mailing conditions wanna be's and poozers ... Wait in all his properness are those in the dictionary not likely ... Until we are owned we have ALL the rights .... If you dont fit their requirements SIMPLE dont write them |
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Well the rain cleared some... not enough to get out and enjoy but still cleared a bit but apparently I am still bored cause I am here reading profiles. Some times I really think about writing a profile that seems to fit what most of these pozers think a slave or sub is.
hmm lets see
User name : Mindless Twinkie
Age: Lets pretend I am ....... 19
Location: I will move to you the day we talk
Oh wait you are married Yes I can
live outside in the kennel
I am a slave you can use me for anything I have no limits, feel free to decapitate me. Sure feel free to loan me to your friends I will bring back and share with you the STD's they pass along to me. Yes I will live on a chain in the kennel with 5 other girls, sure we will suck you dry when wife sends you to take out the garbage. Good thing you cum fast as a rabbit or she might punish you for taking so long.
Okay I guess that is a good enough profile Oh wait I forgot the pic hmmm * takes picture of Barbies torso * Yep that should do it |
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Well as I sit here and wait for the rain to pass.... Really wishing I was back in bed... I again turn to reading profiles. I have to admit if I came here untrained and braindead I might fall for some of these profiles ...
One states BDSM is 95% mental and 5% physical ..... Last I checked BDSM held the majority of the PHYSICAL.... I am not much into BDSM ( physical) pain, bondage and the likes... I am D/s and into the service the mind set the part where he captures my mind ... the part where he can make me want to do things not where he makes me do them.
Many obtain their freedom being tightly bound and forced to cum repeatedly... I obtain that freedom perhaps with eyes closed and focusing on his voice as he tells me to cum. I love seeing the smile come across his lips as his drink is refilled before he asks. Feeling his body relax as he is being bathed head to toe, while at least one of my hands never leaves his body.
To "me" bondage is for those who are unwilliing to or unable to admit to what they want or need, and then to stand and accept it. ( please note this is MY opinion do not send me nasty mail about it)
Would my need to please the one I serve allow me to be bound ... yes at times tho I find it extremely boring... and sadly my body doesnt have the ability to lie either it shows I am bored.
Would my need to please and serve allow me to feel the pain of the whip, crop, cane, yes I would say at times it would. I enjoy sensory so some of these things are favored ... with a few strokes....
I guess I really do not see how BDSM is mental but then I do not judge how others think ... I just know when I read that or ... Hmm how do they put it ..... on the Pleasure /pain thing... To many seem to think pain turns into pleasure... I happen to disagree Agood debate is nice on the toppics and you may be able to stand your ground ....... but ... not likely you will convince me on your side of it. |
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Okay it is mornings like this where I come here and begin just brousing profiles that I realize why I have become so disgusted in my search....... this morning I broused one of a * cough * Master local to me (and we wonder why I have become so picky) To a very SMALL extent I agree with him on what a slave is, what I don't agree with is his idea of what a slave is and how a slave has not the right to think even before owned .........
"If you demand, expect, or require any of the above, then, by the definitions and parameters of slavery, you cannot be a slave. I suggest you re-think what it is you want. Perhaps you could find a nice Dominant (Dom or Domme) who you can share the pretend fantasy that you are a slave with; because you simply are not a RL slave."
There are many things I DON"T expect from an owner but the fact remains I have the right to find one suited for me. BUt I do have the right to have his respect.
Slavery is a level of service.... I am not a slave by my definition but have been told more than once I am by those I have served. It took me a long time to come to grips with that. And after reading the profile that exert came from I have to wonder why anyone worth having would serve him. If I would have been owned at any given time in my life by someone like him I am sure there are many things I wouldnt be doing ... Making floggers, writing,( since to do that my BRAIN and emotions need stimulation) Heh one of these days I will find somone that will actually help me focus my writing and ( selling there of) enough to get me into print ( the kind that pays) Oh well so much for my rant for the day. Slaves should have a mind and use it to help keep them from making poor choices like finding some one that does not promote creativity in a slave..... One can learn from a slave just as a slave learns from a REAL Master. What I learned this morning is that guy should have just put I need a doormat to wipe the crap off my shoes. It would have taken up less space |
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There are days when I really really miss having someone to serve. When I feel like this huge chuck of me isnt there. Do I m iss serving hell yes I do. Would serving someone who didnt fit just right for the time being work to meet my needs if only temporarily, NO NO NO NO NO it just doesn't work. I guess the biggest drawback to this whole not serving someone is ............... I am not sexual when not with a dominant partner.......... and OMG that is boring |
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I keep thinking the day will come when I find THAT one. But really how many frogs do I have to kiss ?
Some of you guys dont have the sense god gave a piss ant .... My profile says not willing to relocate.... or least it should.... if you are in BFE and not willing to relocate your self dont email me with an interogation list about my exp etc .... No how ever if you live in BFE Texas that might just be in my neighborhood.
If you want to chat..... tho seems like no one here can just CHAT tell me that and then we can talk about anything under the sun. I like chatting with like minds as long as they can debate on things we dont see eye to eye on if you get pissy and cant stand behind your thoughts ....... I will assume you have read it some where. And have no clue how to back it up which means I am pretty much dont want to bother with you.
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I just love ASSumptions, as I have said so many times before. If you want to learn who I am TALK to me. If you want to hear how I became a swith or why at this time I remain one TALK to me.
If I send you an Email please dont ASSume I have the hotes for you, most likely I am not the least bit interested in you as a Dominant, tho we may have like views on one or more things.
I have probally been trained in more aspects of BDSM and D/s than many of you have even read about. |
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Been awhile since I actually spent any time on this site.... I am still very frustrated with the lack of true dominants around.I keep thinking I can walk away. Ya know ... cocks are a dime a dozen and sometimes I will admit seems like settling on one of them might be nice. But I know that is so little of what I want, dont get me wrong sex is nice but that is everywhere.
I want someone that can take my mind my body I am sure will follow. I want someone that will stimulate everything not just be a hmm how do I put this nicely okay I cant a fleshy dildo. Yes my profile has alot in it that says I dont or NO, but you know ....... It isnt a matter of running the show it is a matter of understanding myself.
I have spent to long with men who said I had to like these things to be a sub and I couldnt be a slave limiting myself, but you know what THEY were wrong. Their veiws were perhaps less refined , defined, educated. Who really knows. I just know about me, and if you want to learn about me, then do so .... just dont expect me to call ya Sir ......... |
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Well ....... I am having to realize no matter what I truly wish, it will be a long time before someone is able to gain my trust again. And the attitude I have aquired talking to Dominants the last year or so isnt helping this. I will continue talking to those who arent intimidated by switches and I will continue on the path I have chosen for me, for the time being atleast.
I must say it saddens me at the lack of comman curtousies here. As a submissive I repley to all that contact me ....... unless done so in am improper form, then they make it to my journal and are usually blocked. But in te last few months I have contacted 5 female submissives and i believe I have done so in a very proper manner ( and from another name) and only one has bothered to reply.
I have contacted many Dominants here ( not as to impending possible relations but because something in thier profile or journal I felt the need to reply to. All but one has responded, and a few I have been able to have long detailed chats with.
I have chosen this path now to keep from fading to gray. I had done so in the past and coming back is more painful and you have less trust.
Hmm wonder why I have such an interest in CBT these days |
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For months I have battled with inner termoils. knowing there is no longer the ability to trust more things arose. Altho my heart I would say is 100% pure slave the bullshit I have come across here in the last 12 months astounds me. Last night .... I was told well you arent a very good sub ANYWAY... this from a dom who spends all his time inviting folks to a room.
He had been talking to me the equivilant of a couple hours ... TROLLING me I might add, telling me how much we were alike.... I had brains enough to know we werent. But of course when I tell him I think I am not able to submit again he bows out with a nasty tude ... Guess telling someone trolling you you dont want to be a sub again is like telling them you are gay/lez.
This isnt a road I am sure I want to travel, but it is the road for me now there are things about myself I don't want to loose. I am sure about one thing tho these days ... I know what NOT to do to to a slave or a submissive you dont lie to them.... you dont cheat on them you put all your desires in the forfront and dont change the game plan in the middle. There are alot of things I have learned about how to treat people.
Those claiming Dominant out there .... you have to realize you may have the words ... but it only takes most of us a little bit of time to figure out if you actually know what to do with them
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******NOT SEEKING *********
Trying to make my path |
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Okay sheesh who put the sign on my back dickweeds welcome ... Bull hmmm do they make bulls into glue too I have a PRIME candidate |
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OMG I will never understand the jackasses on this site ... I tell him it is his opinion what he wrote me and that is fine but I am still who I am and my past still has created me ... So he sends me another crappy mail and blocks me... I think the gym just made him thick headed and not the fun kinda thich headed .... Guys my gawds do you sit in front of the mirror practicing to be like this ? |
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I dont know if it is the moving ... Or if it is talking to many here ... I have a few I really like here I mean really like .... But two are to high into bondage. the other well I am not so sure. But maybe it is time for me to bow out gracefully so to speak... do I think I will not be slave anymore .. no I know there will always be *THAT* hole.
But I really have to wonder do I have the ability to begin again, to trust, to open myself completely. I have a really well built wall with a nice window. Even has enough room under it to allow chat. Baggage yes I guess you could call it that.... but it is my past ... and my past makes me what I am .... do we really ever come without baggage of some sort ? |
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I swear I go from the hundreds into the millions as I pack up this mess. LOL I think I ought to just leave it all... Just kidding that isnt an option. Well I have I will hide as I say gotten about 12 bags of trash out ... That comes from the kid areas of the house tho. Found all kinds of floggers.Some of this stuff I dont think I have seen since I moved here ... oh well going to torment on the forums then pack some more ... I hope your weekend is more fun than mine * pokes K see you this weekend* |
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Well the move is a sure thing now... a really large house and nicer than I expected.... packing for ten days move in one hopefully Well we will see .. any one wanna help ? |
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Sometimes I wonder if I should stay here... I find I can chat with some ... but some others that show interest seem to think I am owe then something because I am slave. There are few here I have met that seem to actually understand me and a rarer few that understand I am just not into the BDSM aspects any more.. Some one ... What seems like 100 years ago now but I guess five now... Turned me away from the BDSM side ... And my last showed me where my place really was.... * laughs* A trainer told me long ago where I belonged ... I looked at him and laughed. Many years later i found that place and it was custom made for me....Now it feels so odd to not be in that place ... But the ones telling me I am not this or I am not that .... Since I dont like this I am certainly not slave. and so on and so on ... I can only laugh and know they really do not understand but I find I am becoming more cold and callous as time goes on ..... I guess only time will tell |
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* sigh* I am so tired of arguementitive men... If you dont like what I have to say simply MOVE on .. I have... Dont continue to argue a point we arent going to agree on. You think a slave has to be humilated to know her place ... Maybe some do MAYBE some like it. I have been around long enough to know I do not like it or need it. I can understand we have differing opinions but I make a sane choice to move on not to continue to argue maybe it is the moon or something . GRRRRRRRRRRR one is emailing me from another name GET OVER IT ALREADY |
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Okay I have heard it all now ... A well he isnt really local but we share a state ....and he is close to 60 ... But when given my bday I was dismissed ... becuase we didnt match ... now go figure ... One he read my profile and journal and find himself interested ...THis was is reply to my mail sending him our First convo
[09:25] Edited him: IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE GREATEST ERROR IN JUDGEMENT SINCE THERE WAS A RULING POINT.
Then again comes[09:31] Edit him: No what is your EXACT Date Of Birth, Please?
[09:32] Edit Me: We already did that
[09:32] Edit Me: and you told me I wasnt compatable
[09:32] Edit Me: I sent you the IM on Collarme I had been dismissed
[09:33] Edit him: Date?
[09:33] Edit Me: cripes 7/11/57
[09:35] Edit him: BRB
[09:36] Edit him: Yes, it is pretty bad. Do you want a copy?
Now to be real honest here ... Would ANYONE want some one that cant remember the mail you sent him only a few or someone that prefers to judge your worth on a horoscope site ? |
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Okay you guys give me a reason to chuckle and choke back foul words every day ... One dom wrote me today .. Oh and I did actually like this one ... But in my reply to him I told him I wouldn not use W/we as I do not feel I am any less important in a relationship ... And I really didnt think ANYONE had Sir as their first name and I would be addressing him as .... until I got to know him... None the less to say ... all tho I was one of the *rare ones* that got his attention I heard nothing more ......
Then there was KT who called it to my attention my profile was fibbing I was no longer 48 ... I wrote him back and told him I had throughtly spanked it and now it was properly stated... Him well he makes me laugh in a good way the other just made me chuckle and say ummm hmm SURE you are real |
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Well I turned 49 today ... Well technically yesterday since it is after midnight ... Actually turned out to be a fairly nice day.... My kids ACTUALLY got along for more than five minutes.
I also found a dom I could well prove interested in... it is only beginning stages but he talked to me in a manner I havent been talked to in awhile by a Dominant who was interested in me... He talked to me like a person ... Wait let me clarify that one that is interested in me and one I am interested in......
He has a few things I really dont care to experience but I wont close the door ....... Just yet........
49 isnt proving so horrible .. I can think of worse birthdays |
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Awhile back I met someone here... He is wittyand for the most part doesnt push anything since he knows there are alot of differences in how we veiw D/s in general... Sometimes I wish I was in this for the play, but hotel submission just really doesnt suit me.
Sometimes I envy my friends who can just play for play sake But that just isnt in me ... Now a good spankin... I almost think I could do that but alas ... it is just a thought somehow I know there is no way that is gonna happen either
Why is what I want so damned hard to find ? |
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Another idjit
Taken from his email
"As for your hard limit against humiliation, you should rethink that. How else do you recognize a differnece in rank between you? "
Since when does one have to be humiliated to know who she is owned by? |
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The days and nights are as one...... I cannot tell where one ends and the other begins.
Part of me is lost.... or atleast that is how it feels.
I am a slave day in & day out that doesnt change.
But without that special bond between a Master and slave......
..............................
Well unless you have been there .......
you wil never understand
For now I am a fraction of a whole |
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Hmmm ..... Photoless profiles ..... I really dont have issues with this ... After reading a Doms profile just now I really wondered what I did think about that. No mater what we fill in the blanks with... or what picture we post here. Until someone takes the time to learn about us ... No picture or processed words will make any difference. Learning some one tells you what you need ..... unless you are totally shallow... For two years A room reg in a chat room I frequented ... AOL... there was a person there all the women felt content to confide all their darkest secrets in ... I recently found out this woman ... Was not a woman tho she had pics of her and her husband that shew had sent out over the years ..... Well later I saw pics of the guy ... He wasnt the husband ... so who knows what relatives pic was out there on the net . Also I remember several years ago .. A pic that was taken of MY breast with 50 some odd clothes pins on it OWWWWWWWWWIE was sent to me ... the woman explained how each had been put on her and how they were removed .... the tag on my collar was clearly in the photo ... I sent her back a dated photo when the tag enlarged .... told her I was glad she liked the pic ... but not to send it out any more with out my permission ... poofy went the name .... So ... how important are pics really ? |
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oh oh oh oh oh .... Another for my Journal .... Why is it ... that SOME ... idiots see dominance as an act of talking down to some one and expecting respect they have yet to earn.....In his mail he tells me ... let us share Exp this is not a come on ... But then with in a few minutes ... he is telling me I would suck his ... and he would have his fingers in my .... while I did ... Sheesh I really wish I could edit this IM well enough to post it ... I DO understand why some poeple are drawn to color ( one or the other ) for reasons or fetishes ... but to tell me he is used to .... ( negative color word) slaves and he can talk to them like that OMG Not only is he rude ... he has no respect for anyone and demands he get it .... * hands on hips* I am here to tell you .... If you cant give it you damn sure arent going to get it from me ... Oh and JUST for you .... The floggers on on my pictures because I make them ... My writing and floggers are where I put my creative talents ... oh and there is a littl e matter of bathing a Dom I love ... Which can be quite creative in it's own self ... but this .... you will never find out about either |
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Due to cable modem taking a caca I found myself VERY VERY bored... so I took a look through profiles.
I found names that were almost as Bad as SIRMASTERDOM I guess that I see more importance that a name say something about you, more so than Sir this or Dom that... not like we dont all know you least have an interest in this area ... we are on a site called COLLAR me ....
My name was given to me what seems like a hundred years ago now ... I have that tone with most when I first ccome in contact ... probally more so now than ever before ... But when that ONE finds me it fades into a far away place and I am happy ... but I keep it because it does fit me in the first meetings ...
Then there are the names that draw you in, they intrigue you, and you read their profile and they sound like a normal clueless idiot ... Well pooh the washer is done ... note to self dont do laundry so damn late at night |
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Well finding a place in a town where anyone rarely advertizes what they have for rent is proving highly annoying.... If I didnt want my kids in that school district I would have said screw it a long time ago.... but the quest goes on ..... If I didnt think my Ex read this regularly I would put in here a plea for a house to rent in that town ... but the less he knows about me the better.... Oh well enough griping ... |
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Okay I think I just got my major laugh for the month .... I just read the profile of a Dominant in AL ... OKay well he said he was .... I have never in all my days seen one so wracked with little man syndrome....His appearence in his picture was to say the least sad ... He wasnt all that bad looking but his attire ... was shall I say a very POOR choice ... and I can tell he wasnt wearing underwear ... not that it matters ... but a 6-8 in rip in your jeans .. well you get the pic... I wish I hadnt. Little man syndrome is what law dogs call it ... I think it is also known as Napoleons Syndrome ... Either way it is not a good syndrome for some one claiming dominant to have. If you arent familiar with it maybe you should research it abit. And then run like hell when you see it... I had a Dom once like that .... only if he didnt have 15 women while lying to the rest he wasnt a man..... |
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If I live to be a million I will never understand you men.... You want cyber submission... which honestly I feel is for the weaker of our society .... But you can not carry on a simple conversation. Can I help it if I know I dont like bondage .....Sometimes I just like some one who is a good conversationalist ... who can discuss his ways and the reason behind them and not take offense when I state my feelings about what has been said ... I can always stand for what I believe in and I think learning the way others think makes me grow .... Oh well .... your loss since you were to wrapped in .... what ever it is.... |
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Ugh well I have decided to move a few towns over to get my kids into a better school distrtict ... So the next couple of months I will be focusing on that... Lord knows I hate moving. All I keep thinking is 4 more years and my life will be mine.... Always have lived in apartments and this too will change ...I want a place I can grow things and work on geting a business going that I have been mapping out for awhile. Maybe my writing wont suffer so badly out in the country either .... Who knows ... maybe when I get my move over and done and the kids are back in school..... my mind will be perfectly clear and I will come back and find there are less guys PLAYING and LYING and more of those in search of what seems at times so unobtainable. Will be here to check mail but ... packing packing packing packing .... oh and more packing and some throwing away will take my time up pretty well ... hah anyone wanna help me move ? |
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OMG..... I just got an email from a ... welllll I am not calling him a Dom tho I called him Master at one time ......I knew when I saw the name I knew it was him .... And then came the name .... the ultimate in big balls .... He HUNG the Bunny rabbit stuff animal he had bought me by a belt in the closet .... When he moved out. Well amoung other things .... I cant believe his balls are that big to think I WANTED to get anything from him ........ |
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Sir sir sir sir sir .... the most over rated word here. When I am unstructed to call some one here Sir I just laugh and place them promptly on ignore .... Until I learn some one and they Earn my respect there are words they wont hear cross my lips |
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The nights grow longer and longer.... Being half a a whole is so over rated. I am finally getting back into making floggers. And feel I am finally more ready to step forward. It has been 8 months,least I think it has.. Do I still think about him ... yep cant even lie to myself about that..... I also still think about that massive lie.Between the storm and him well it pretty much put me in serious disarray. But now it is time again to look for what I need... need ... want.... well I guess it is a bit of both.
I do enjoy a good banter with Dominants and submissives alike ... But before you approach me keep in mind I can back up my beliefs and I will. If you cant deal with that..... Save us both the frustration |
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Sexually submissive..... I will never understand that term. Sex is sex no matter how you look at it it is the same sex every vanilla couple has... Something is going in a hole somewhere...... Submissive ... Submitting to the whim of the master ... being his sexual craving or his laundry being done ... if you want a hole to put your dick in say so ... say your wife doesnt ALLOW you anal with her say so. Dont say I am Dominant and I want to come _ _ _ _ you when wifey lets me out of the house.
I have no issues with married Dominants ... wait I do have issues with the ones not honest with their mates about needs. |
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Found in a Dominants profile .......
No am not a fake. Not to brag, but I've probably got the biggest damn toy box you've ever seen...
Many purchased, some I've made myself
Last I checked ..... toy boxes had little to do with who was fake and who wasnt.... BUT...... True Dominant to me is the one without the toy box |
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I just read this in a so called Dominants profile ........
I was born a dominant. That is who I am, and it is not going change. I have been told I?m selfish and controlling . . . ?Hello? . . . Owner/Dominant equals selfish and controlling
Since when does being selfish..... in that application.... Part of the requirements or traits that make a good dominant ?
Main Entry: self·ish
Pronunciation: 'sel-fish
Function: adjective
Date: 1640
1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2 : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others selfish act>
It implies that one would not care for his property as he wants them called ... I have said it before and I will say it again and again..... If something/someone is to serve you it has to be maintained. Be it Submissive, slave lawnmower, car, your favorite rod and reel or shotgun.
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I do I do I do I do like this hidden thing.... clear out the ones you arent interested in and you dont have to see their names any more..... even if they have a good one that makes you curious.... |
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Two fireflies dance in the moonlight ....
the flicker of lights drawing your full attention... so small they are and yet they hold you near bound. Such is the dance of D/s only it does not stop as the daylight rises.
Erotica, sensuality, sexuality... sensativity, sensation, desire.... I could go on and on ... glowing embers into a bright blue flame.... It pulls you in and swallows you... you are what are but it is better when like the fireflies ...... two do the dance ...... |
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Bondage bondage bondage bondage * SCREAMS*
Here we go again..... If you have bondage in your name .... in your list of kinks you cant live without..... down to loves and lives for I am not for you.
I believe that no matter how many times you are not going to try to convince me that you can walk away from it. You see it as control I see it as BORING. Will I submit to it ...... yes of course will.
Do I think for one moment you will back away from it like you are trying to convince me youe will ...... not even for a second do I believe it.
We have things we like ..... one woman is not going to change that .... we all have things we hate/dislike you know if this was scat ( or some things that are taboo subjects here) I wouldnt have a rant, but it isnt it is soomething that is considered more ..... normal
Sorry bondage sucks canal water in my opinion |
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Just some thoughts I happened across answering a mail tonight.... well I guess it is morning sleep is not agreeing with me tonight.
Anyway...... My thought is that everyone gripes about labling Master/Dominat/Top well you get the idea...... A spankophile is likely just that a spanker ....not a Master not a Dominant maybe a top Nor is a masochist always a submissive or a slave.
They key to this is finding out who you are what you are at times. And many times that takes labling .... needed A daddy type that loves spanking ..... would tell some one I dont submit well but I would submit to a good spanking .... I am slave with little girl tendencies..... I will do what you desire I will serve you with all my heart ..... But sometimes I just want a good spanking and to be cuddled and well someone that will just let me play a bit. I dont like SM much does that mean I am not a slave ..... just means I am not a maso and that pain is an effective punishment...... okay enough for now ........ Labels ....... yup I think we need them |
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My PET peeves
I hate being called pet. And I hate men who think being an arrogant ass makes them look domly |
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Last night I sat on the porch, the porch light turned off and soon found myself mesmerized by the ripples in the water of the pool. Many days I contiplate why I still bother trying to find the one for me, why risk the emotional pain that comes with finding the one you found wasnt the one, finding the one you gave your all too wasn't the one.....Realizing who you are sometimes puts you in a vunerable situation. After so many times of dealing with loosers and the ones that can only do this part-time you can become such a scaredy cat.
After some quiet time I realize I have no choice but to continue to search for that one..... that one that understands I am slave 24/7 and that doesnt change..... but being slave doesnt mean I want to play all the time ..... actually play is so little of what I am. Searching still for the one that understands I dont have to be bossed around, 24/7 I know there are tasks I must complete I know he expects dinner hot when HE comes home, not when I want to make it and leave it on the stove.
My hobby is writing, but my heart is not full and my pen and paper lay gathering dust. I like making floggers but my hands lay idle being alone beling without that which fulfills me is why I still hope to find that one .... The one that will put me to my knees with that look.... the one who will make me weak at the knees with a whisper, the one who wont have to touch me to make me ..... well the ones of you that understand slavery know the finish to that one |
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One of the things that makes me really questions wether or not someone is actually dominant or not is in ability to to stick to the things they like. I try not to really go into detail when I first start talking to someone. I find that many will change in mid stream.
There are many things I dont like and many things that I dont want to have to have to do without in a relationship. And I realize if some one is VERY high into bondage Both of us are going to be unhappy quickly in the relationship, unless he thrills in boring me to death and I am not that much of a masochist.
But what bothers is me is the guy who has all the bondage things in his profile and I come out and say well I really find that boring and poofed dropped like a hot chestnut. If I get one that says well there is no way in hell I want to do needle play..... then it is time for me to excuse myself and move on to the next one.
I understand the give and take and there are things I will give into and with the right man I will become no limits with him. But when I am looking I look for someone with the same likes. I wont say I have a lot of limits now..... but it will take the right person to really find out what my true limits are if you are wishy washy....... it wont be you |
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Paitence a a simple word which I probally spelled wrong. I find it lacking sorely in many dominants. You should not expect my full attention after 2 emails ..... those one and two liners are not a judge of anything.
You ask am I busy ......... busy would be laundry cooking and homework with a child. Busy to you might be 12 IMs which you ASSume I have because I didnt answer you before the time stamp changed to the next minute. |
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Can I scream now?
This is the first part of his profile
Looking to find a special sub/slave to begin an online relationship. The expectation is grow and harvest our relationship to eventual real time contact.
You would think on what a nice guy WRONG
This was his mail ........ Minus explatives
you are a filthy little (EDIT) that needs attention dont you my pet....naughty girls like you need discipline and humility... i know exactly what you want and need...I know how to handle a (EDIT) machine like you... tell daddy what a little piggy you have been..
Now aside of the fact he is in NEW JERSY ( said in best Pace picante sauce commercial voice) There is nothing in my profile that remotely refelcts that would impress me. How can males be so..........
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I sit here and read Dominant's profiles and I swear sometimes I dont understand them for a moment ..... At best oyu might get out of them they are seeking a submissive female. They write in thier profile that a small box just wont cut it to learn about them. And they have never filled out any of the questioniars How are we supposed to know if maybe they might be some one we want to approach if they dont give us anything to work with? |
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*pulls out soap box*
I guess being a writer I tend to communicate better then some ..... But honestly I want a submissive ....... will finish this later ....... How on earth can you really believe that mail will magically fill your mail box ........ Or I am looking for what everyone else is ...... God know I know I am not looking for what he is. I may be different that some ... have some likes close to another person but I am not like everyone. And I couldnt be with someone that considers himself just another tom, dick or harry. Not that those names are bad you get the general idea.
I want that ONE that can look at me and take my breath away........ |
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Another day passes and I wonder why I continue on this path. Because I do not feel complete would be the answer to that. D/s M/s that is what I crave tis not the whip but the word or the look. The smile when he is happy with my actions. The look of contentment on his face when he realizes that I have put many hours of thought into a night of pleasure for him. I crave feeling his power not in physical strength but in his ability to make me want. So simple ..... but seeminly so unreachable |
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Okay this one I hadda share ...... My profile states I am not poly nor do I wanna be .... and my journal states it what . 1000 times Mind you .... In mail I already told him NC was a little far and got a dumb Ass reply.... Well Damn I was bored (been sick two weeks havent got out much yes I was bored)and decided to toy with him. His profile was that of a typical dud* points down* He proved that one. Lordy little man if you want my attention least read my profile get a taste of who I might be ..... And NO the DOM doesnt pick you ... it is mutal
[12:55] Domwannabe from CM >:D<
[12:55] Brattydaddysgirii: Hello
[12:55] Domwannabe from CM: im a polydom with one sub looking for another
[12:56] Me: ROFL I see you read my profile very well
[12:56] Domwannabe from CM: sorry u cant pick your dom
[12:56] Domwannabe from CM: he picks u
[12:56]Me: I choosse not to get to know some
[12:56] Domwannabe from CM: u will get some cheat
[12:57] Domwannabe from CM: u failed to appreciate honest dom
[12:57] Domwannabe from CM: by loser
[12:57] Me: [12:57] Domwannabe from CM: fatty
[12:57] Me: you have not a clue
[12:57] me: Hun your pic dont make you look to skinny either
[12:57] *** Domwannabe from CM has been ignored. |
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Sometimes I come here and read profiles of those I both like and some I laugh at their vain attempts to be Dom or submissive or heaven forbid claim slave. Today I saw pain in one I truly can relate to. I am not for him but I understand his mindset and I accept that and still can enjoy his words and thoughts on matters.
If people would really take time to learn themselves and play the role that fits them less would be hurt......... A word for MS ..... she has left footprints ...... and you wont be the last she leaves footprints on ....... yours is out there and awaits. |
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I am beginning to feel I am lost in a world where I dont belong sometimes. I dont want BDSM so much as the D/s the D/s is my heart and my need. BDSM most times comes in some degree. I enjoy older hispanic men because it more so cultural and more natural I feel. Why is so damn hard to find something so simple ? |
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I realize we are all different that is what makes the world turn. But sonetimes when I read these profiles I wonder who these guys really think they are.... Notice I didnt use the word Dominants.....Yes as a slave I thrive on doing things at Masters will and desire, I thrive on making his life more comfortable and complete. Yes I believe I am his property but property needs maintained cant own a lot in town that is not kept up, city will take it away. Cant own a car and expect it to serve you well without proper care. A slave to needs proper care or she withers she serves and still maintains her duties to him but yet there becomes this haze between them.....
YES it is about what I can do for you ....... but you can not leave me to grow as a weed in the crack of the sidewalk |
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I read a profile of a female sub today... She claimed she could not obey her Master, she talked of her desire to learn to obey.... I have to wonder is that what seperates a slave from a submissive. Or perhaps the natural as opposed to the ones...... well the ones that may never understand. When I was owned disobedience would not cross my mind, even things I really didnt want to do.
I wont say I never asked questions but I never questioned before I did my best to accomplish anything that was asked of me. To be slave or submissive one must first be self disciplined...... She must work to make herself the best she can be for him, and she must be willing to follow his hand as it guides her to be his pride and his desire |
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As each day passes I feel myself becoming more distant. Not sure I like it but I am just not finding what I want/need. I have met some jerks here and some very nice fellows, and some so clueless no amount of teaching reading or exp is going to help them. Sometimes..... I read the mail and they tell me how interested they are in me, but then I ready their profiles , intrerest lists and sometimes even their journals. And I realize quickly on a scale of 1-100 I find us about 40 % do able with 40% relation killers. Then there are others that I just cant even begin to understand why they write me. They say there is someone for each of us.......... Well ....... maybe ........ after death I will find that ONE |
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Just read another touch of Texas Dominant thinking........... He said ....... if interested send and ESSAY ( mind you assignment from someone he hasnt talked to) As to why they should take the submissive. Now ......... If that were me...... which it isnt ( I have more brains) Any reply I got to that ad would be promptly deleted and blocked. How could any one in their right mind apply for a position where you have NO clue what these people wanted . |
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* Pulls out soap box*
He claimed to be dom and a gentleman...... Who lied to him? Wasnt me I promise. He was assuptive and condescending. That was after maybe what ......... 5 minutes of an IM How can tell anything about me ...... Gawds am I glad he is in Canada not Tx cause we have enough jackass's here |
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The night draws to a close and again I feel this ache inside. Wondering still if I can ever find that place again, ever trust, ever love.
I am a slave, and I always will be but with no Master, I am not complete.
I will not sucumb to a simple mind, I will not sucumb to one who thinks I can be happy with his meat alone.
I will not sucumb to lonliness, I will be strong and bide my time .......... there is ONE for me |
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OMG OMG OMFG
Now I am not a slave because I will not submit to a MALE in NY who can't understand why if he paid me I wouldn't be a slave to him.
Well you see....... it is about holding my mind not putting $$$ on a fishing pole to see if I will grab the bait..... I dont care what I need....And thanks to Rita I need alot but I would never submit to someone for money and damn sure not allow my soul to be taken by one who just doesnt understand |
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OMG He is 60 and still closed minded and rude .... Nothing amazes me Called me a DUMB azz because I disagreed that with him when he said Old Guard and GOR were non-existant...... My profile tells I believe in them why bother me if you don't GAWDS old and still clueless......... |
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Took a litle break from Collarme. Had to the Bull Doody was taking it's toll. Sometimes I wish I understood people. I do not think I will ever understand why people lie. Nor do I understand why people ( men and women) see someone who identifies and slave and say let me see how far I can push this little twit.
I am a slave....... and I have a brain........ I am a slave and I am always going to be. I have a brain, and with the blessing of the gods I will be able to retain it for awhile.
Can you push me....... probally
Will I retreat..... probally not
Question is........ Why do you want to?
S...Sultry,sexy, subserviant...smart
(Maybe even a) little slutty
L.....Loving... lively....lustful....longing
A....Always ready to do his bidding
V....... Versatile.... vibrant...
E....Every thought toward his pleasure, his smile, his pride |
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* pulls out soap box*
I just read a dominant's profile well his journal. He asked the submissives weight ( in mail) and got bent to her reply...... I see somethings as very shallow and that is one ..... if he has a weight requirement put it in his profile then send the mail and ask them to read his profile and see if they have interest. NOT call her sub human since she was offended and surely dont bitch cause she blocked you .... You really dont want to know what I would have told him ....... Cause I probally wouldnt have an account.
Wellllllllll maybe I would.... my bout with Rita made me look at things a little different these days. I still have little tollerence for meanness and name calling, okay so I did call one an idiot but he deserved it she did not deserve being called sub human. Dominants keep in mind journals are read, and things you say in them could bite you in the tushy later.
Uncalled for hateful words are remembered it could mean the next one you write might just block you and not respond. |
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Usually use this area to gauge my mood
Can we guess my mood ?
18:20] idiot: its H idiot 9, from collaru.com
[18:20] idiot: lol
[18:21] idiot: Hey Sasy.....
[18:23] idiot: its Vanilla DaDDy,(not real site name) from collarme.com
[18:24] Me: Sorry I was making dinner
[18:24] Me: Vanilla daddy what is that
[18:25] idiot: ohh kisses, thats okay, princess
[18:25] idiot: I am a White DaDDy
[18:25] Me: I see
[18:25] Me: Never hear one called that
[18:26] Me: heard*
[18:26] idiot: KISSES YOUR LIL TUMMY, YOU HAVE NOWWWW
[18:26] idiot: DADDY KNOWS
[18:27] Me: you are really younger than I like and to far away
[18:27] idiot: OH WELL YOU COULD MOVE
[18:28] idiot: I AM 28, NEARLY DIED A BUNCH, MASSIVE STROKES
18:28] me: That wont make you older
[18:28] Idiot: SHUT UP
[18:29] idiot: IT DOES TOO
[18:29] me: * rolls eyes*
[18:29]Idiot: I HAVE SEEN DEATH
[18:29] Me: BOY do not tell me to shut up
[18:29] *** idiot has been ignored.
One profile says 29 one says 30 but he says 28 |
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Sometimes the day comes when you must look back on your life and decide if you are on the right path. Your heart tells you one that you can not change who you are, what you are. But every time you turn around there is another jerk that makes you wonder why you continue on this path.
I have no choice to be what I am I was born that way. My skills polished and honed to a sharp edge.
My head tells me oh yes you are a slave, but then kicks in the part the has questions, can you trust, are you willing to open to another like that?
I have no answer for that |
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Ahhh the wonders of the dominant male...... Okay so your cock rarely works .... no biggie really I am a big girl I understand nature. OKay so you want to beat me and bind me and I find those boring. But since there was a minute and a half break in our IM chat you ASSume I am busy. Well you I guess didnt noticed I got booted off yahoo.
Patience lord where did the meaning of that word get so lost. I guess it went away with his errection |
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Damn men ........ Why can you not accept I know what I need ....... and LONG distance isnt one of those things.
You being in NJ NY where ever does not allow me to serve in the way I should. thus leaving me extremely unfufilled and I can do that ALONE |
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Do not assume you know what I am
....... until you talk to me
Do not assume you know what I need
.....until you talk to me
Do not assume you can tame me
.......until you talk to me
Do not assume you can harness my spirit
.......until you talk to me
Do not assume you understand my needs
....until you talk to me |
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I want so bad at times to walk away from who I am. But I know I will never walk far away from that I can not. I am a slave..... by nature and it is the path I must follow. Some think slavery is an easy path one where you are told everything..... But that is so far from the truth to be a slave is not easy the standards we set for our serice is high. We strive for perfection in ever aspect of servitude and pleasuring. Some will never understand. |
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Well I think in a few days I may finally be hydrated again and I may finally get rid of this headache........ We have decided tho that we will be moving to the DFW area........ I think that it will be a healing for us |
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In the dark I stand trying to adjust my eyes to the black void. The chill in the air makes my skin almost crawl as goose bumps form.
Pin point of light off in the distance, question is do I walk toward it or away. Do I risk the daylight and someone being able to see and touch me or do I walk deeper into the darkness to hide.........
Hide from me ...........
Hide from the world .........
Hide from ..........
For now I stand here shivering.... is it fear or just cold |
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Can you touch me without really touching me?
Can you make me sense your being when you are far away?
Can you hear my my cries when you are not near?
Can you smell the scent of vanilla when you think of me?
It is all about the mind ........... |
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Mirror, mirror on the wall ( or over the bed)
Who is the most submissive of all? (ain't that the million dollar question)
I look into my mirror and what do I see. I see that which is me my faults and my strengths all enclosed in flesh, held up by bone and filled with assorted things that keep me breathing.
Sometimes one has to wonder why we breathe if our life can not be complete.
Chivalry, honesty, loyalty, love, devotion honor, words lost in a dictionary somewhere on a high shelf gathering dust. I must have learned their meanings in a life past or was it as a small child in a fairy tale somewhere.
Maybe someone else read that one too ? |
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Nights alone grow long and dull, my wirters block grows thicker, rare few stimulate my mind. I think I would now settle for someone with a brain..... Wait I know I didnt say settle for. EGADS I have been reduced to settling. This cant be happening, well maybe it can. |
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Okay I give am I the ONLY submissive on this site that doesnt like bondage and humiliation ? |
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Today I think I made a mistake but I am glad I did. My heart is shattered as I have come to see the man I live and breathed to please for a year is no more than that a man. My heart aches as I see him talk in circles when asked a question knowing if I had done such I would have been punished severely.
I have switched and I have never asked anything of which I couldnt readily give. And I believe you teach by example. How can one be punished for something the Master can not teach in such a manner?
Is honor in your word just a catch phrase is it no longer past of what a man or woman for that matter should be....... Some things I will never understand ....... All he said was he never meant to hurt me ...... but all was built on a lie so how can that be ? |
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If......
If you look into her eyes, you have to look past the tears
If you look into her eyes, you will now have to look past the fears
If you look into her eyes, you will see her love for him
If you look into her eyes, you will have to look deep to see the
pain
If you look into her eyes, you will see the pain he caused her
If you look into her eyes, you will see a shattered heart
If you look into her eyes, you will see broken trust
If you look into her eyes, you will again see her love for him
If you look into her heart, you will see confusion
If you look into her heart, you will see a wall building
If you look into her heart, you will see her peer over wondering
If you look into her heart, you will see her searching for him
If you look into her heart, you will see struggle to understand
If you look into her heart, you will see her most treasured possesion
If you look into her heart, you will see what she gave him freely
If you look into her heart, you will see it beat wildly as she
thinks of him
If you look into her soul, you will see torment and turmoil
If you look into her soul, you will see where she was a year ago
If you look into her soul, you will see what she was before turning
herself
over to him
If you look into her soul, you will see her love for him
If you look at her tomorrow what would you see .........
He can answer that..... and so can she .......... His slave, his
property,
Question is
What is in his eyes, his heart, his soul?
Only he can answer that or can he ? |
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Bare with me here , I had to redo my profile. I have a feeling now it sounds more Domme than anything but I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of some of the mail I get. Should be showing soon |
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*pulls out soap box*
Today I met the king of donkeys here..... His profile stunk and he was the rudest combination of male and supposed dominant I have run across in my day.
Mail says you ever get to Dallas? My reply after looking at his profile ......NO... Didnt say I had relatives there or thatI am planning a trip that way soon.
Send me back a mail that said "good answer"........ Almost dumber than his profile .
So me being me sent him back a mail Saying it was the truth Actually I get to Garland but close enough. And I informed him I did not like his profile.......
So he writes me back and blocks me before I can reply. DUMB Mail dont put your AOL mail address inyour profile incase you havent read the rules it isnt allowed anyway I would love to nominante that texas male for DumbDonkey of the day but it isnt allowed heheheh LOL some juat cant handle not being wanted |
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Katrina.......... Devistation death distruction, makes the peons here so unimportant. I sit and watch the TV in shock and horror, it could have been me, it could have been my family, but it is my friends, online but friends no less. We only know their screen names any more but we still have human emotions about them. Are they okay, alive, do they need something I can provide? I am involing my children in the local relief efforts and I beg all of you to do the same. If there isnt a local relief effort start one. Even one single dollar will help somewhere. |
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Well today on CM wasnt all that bad only three had the eggs to refer to me in something that was FAR form acceptable. Then I ran across someone I truly enjoy talking to . I just wish he werent interested in me as a second, that makes it hard to talk sometimes * frowns*
I got the most polite email from a young man today tho and he made the few I blocked today seem less important. I do think he was trying hard to word the letter carefully....... He is young but I replied anyway..... Well I guess thats all for tonight the good out weighed the bad |
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Ackkkkkkkkkk if I read this phraze again I swear I am gonna hurt something ..........
" I know how to MAKE a slave behave"
A slave's desire is to pleasure and please she should work hard to learn all the likes and dislike's of her owner. She behaves because it is her nature. Pleasure in his eyes is what she seeks. If a slave had to be MADE to behave ........ is she truly a slave ? |
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*?rolls in laughter* Well my journey? through? the profiles today? was quite a sight........ One Texas Dominant ( I? use the word lightly)? Copied and pasted a lame AOL profile into his CM one.? Guys when are you? going to? figure it out boring profiles, no entries, copy? and paste just doesnt interest us. (? okay so? hopefully? the majority of us).
You? read our profiles ........and drool over some of the pictures I am? sure ....... But? yet think we are attracted by? a few? checked boxes and empty pages ....... Guys you? gotta pay least a LITTLE attention to? detail. |
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Hi all well I havent used my soap box in awhile but I do have somethign else to say.
Being Dominant/ Master/Top Doesnt give you the right to afford comman courtesies you may think you are abve us but you are not. When you forget them or simply ignore them what is it you teach to a submissive? That rudeness is acceptable because I really dont know you so it is alright for me to act like an ass?
In ALL your dealings treat people with the respect you desire to be shown. Be honest , be fourthcoming.
I am not below you I am not above you I am simply me and have done nothing not to be respected by you.
* puts up soap box* Have a good night all * smiles* |
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Lets make this easy ......
Dont like what I have to say... this is simple DON'T IM me DON'T mail me. It is very simple. Why make life harder than it is. If you are up to a good debate/discussion feel free to contact me. We may STILL not see the others point or side but that is fine it is what makes us all unique and special
Make a difference ....... Not a dificulty |
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Well the last couple of days have been uneventful which may be a good thing. I am not so sure I still wouldn't rather a knine companion. My heart tho will never change I will always be a slave. I guess only time will tell what is to become of my life. |
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*cries* The more I know of men the more I desire company of a knot. Why si it .... when you are desireable to some one they are SURE they can make you like their way.
I do not like poly nor will I ever agree to it. I like inteligence but dont push me I ACCEPT what you have and you need to learn to accept my ways if you want me as a friend.
Dont ply me with things I need or want I will get them with OUT you. I am a string woman a slave no less. But I am not weak by any means I am not something to wipe your feet on and I am not tricked easily. PLEASE here we go again NOT BI NOT POLY NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE dont piss me off pushing |
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* shakes head sadly*
Again the bull ummmm bulldoody of only online........ He can not aford to bring his slave to him and he already hunts another. Will wonders of online never cease ....... She a red silk a first girl no less has limits and can no speak the launguage.
This one leaned long ago of back spacing to make this girl's words were correct.
This one leaned long ago, a Gorean Master is not to be told no.
This one learned long ago the price of telling a Gorean Master no.
This one learned punishment from a Gorean Master is is something this girl wishes not to repeat. ( EVER if she lives to be 200)
And also what I learned is that I bring much of my Gorean training with me in what I do ..... And it is ALRIGHT to be what I am ....... And if the day comes that I choose to return I will remember all my postions and how to serve his coffee his way and how again to keep the lips buttoned at the right time...... and opened parted damp and waiting at others.
But no matter which way I serve I am a slave with the heart of a slave, and I am ready to give my all to him .....
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I sometimes question my being sometimes but know I can not walk away from who I am....... One can not escape slavery |
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Another day passes sometimes I wonder why I am here ........ Am I ready to begin again or will I run screaming if I let someone actually get close........ In a perfect world no one lies..... Is there a perfect world of two ? |
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Well another day has passed and I have found a couple more inteligent Doms a couple playful ones and ONE ..... ( not supposed to cuss here am I ) Well anyway, I think someone hid my soap box so I will leave it at this tonight. |
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OKOK OKOK so I should have put this in the last post. Gentlemen I have been reading through profiles ( out of boredom)
1) To many appear to have gone down the likes list just clicking buttons. I found one who actually admitted to not having done the things in his SPECIAL skills list. DUH you guys think we can't tell after some chat?
2) Click all the buttons and then no profile, what can I say here .... Hey look you over and QUICKLY pass you by.
3) okay you dont have a pic..... Really that is no big deal for me but for some it is.
4) Vague locations Texas.... Texas is a HUGE state alot of us like to try to find something close to home, long distance is always hard.
* gets off soap box* Just some of the things I see |
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Since releasing myself several days ago due to a year of lies, I have explored more of my options and desires. I don't think they have changed all that much, but I have learned I will be very self sufficent ( well more so) my ex left me in a bind by not following his word. And I have to deal with that I don't want pity I was dumb enough not to follow the words of a good friend, and I got myself in this bind. Ugh, I guess I try to believe people to often. I dont lie and I dont want to be lied to ....alas but such is life. I believe more liars than honest folks I will have to live and learn with the choices I make |
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My trip here is becoming interesting, I am amazed what some folks see as D/s. I guess that I am more subtle and less play. I had some guy tell me how he was going to punish me ...... odd when I have done nothing to be punished for.
I guess somethings go back to the way I was trained, when oyu were punished you were punished severely and you DIDNT want to feel it again. Okay so we all gage and call things differently but I am not one for being punished BECAUSE they feel like it .... Wanna beat my tushy fine beat it but dont make me appear bad |
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