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About rawnie
Honestly, I don't know what to put here. So, I will with just put the truth. I'm a slave with a great love of pain and Gor. I'm not any easy person to learn or to get close to. I've been hurt to much and been through so much to just roll over anymore. I'm a slave, but "yes Master" and blind obedience don't come easy too me there has to be trust for me to submit freely.
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Welcome to my insanity! Can you keep up with me?
Who am I? I'm a mother before I'm anything else. I seem to be the girl with many faces. I'm a chameleon in the best of times. The one with a shell that pushes others away while keeping myself ensconced in safety. I'm tired of being that girl. I miss being who I was and am on the inside. I'm annoyed that the hurt got to the point where I had to hide or loose all that I was. Upset that so few were able to see past the shell to the real me without trampling over my soul in the process most times. I'm shy and quiet for the most part, unless of course I like you then beware I'm a playful demon. I love to play and have fun. I've more than my fair share of humility and the ability to laugh at myself. I find that most people get on my last nerve pretty damn quickly. I've no issue calling a slut a slut to their face, that I guess makes me brutally honest. Or perhaps just rude… guess it depends on who is on the receiving end of my tongue and how they take it. I'm in this world I love a walking contradiction in terms and no I don't mind it. I'm secure and at the same time insecure depending on where I'm standing. I'm a tomboy at heart with a love for long hair and painted nails. I'm not the girl that needs to be surrounded by people and things to do to be happy. I'm a simple girl with simple wants that make me happy. I'm an unrepentant geek, but at the same time I'm technologically deficient. I'm a voracious reader and it's very rare for me to not have a book or my kindle in my lap. I'm a 'fixer' guess that's why I fell in love with nursing.
There are honestly very few people in my life that see me clearly, a lot see me, but there are always blurred areas and they have never see the whole. According to my two best friends the song "Beneath your Beautiful" aught to be my theme song.
~You Scored as Submissive~ now there's a shock LMAO
Submissive 100% ~~~ oh baby... wanna put your foot on my neck?
Degradation Lover 100% ~~~ honestly no shock there if you know me.
Masochist 100% ~~~ hell yea beat me! make it hurt so good
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
93% Experimental
71% Bondage 64%
Sadist 46% ~~ no one has ever said I'm an angel
Switch 32% Vanilla 14% Dominant 4%
Some quotes I love:
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a Man lying over me, always over me. His will, His pleasure, His desire, His life, His work, His sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be Dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a Male at His time, His bidding."- Anais Nin All I can say to this is yes...that is exactly what I am in need of.
“It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.” ― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel I can't think of a better way to put into words the prospective that quote shows about who I am.
"Cause they don't even know you, All they see is scars, They don't see the angel, Living in your heart, Let them find the real you, Buried deep within, Let them know with all you got, That you are not your skin, When they start to judge you, Show them your true colors, And do unto others, As you'd have done to you, Just rise above this, Kill them with your kindness, Ignorance is blindness" --Skin lyrics by SixxAM I love that song, it fits me perfectly and my experiences with closed minded people that just look at the outside and never bother to look deep to the real person. The proverb "Don't judge a book by its cover." is very true.
"I know well that place of crazy. Every time reality crashes down upon you, you asphyxiate and relive the nightmares that haunt your life while the darkness of it swallows you whole and light becomes a distant memory that you fear will never be seen again." ~me~
"Give me the weight of your world to hold. Give me your frustration, pain, and anger. Pour it all into me. Let me bleed for you. Let me hurt for you. Let me be your escape. I'll take it all for you...if you'll let me." ~me~ |
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There are so many different ways to be lost while you’re still smiling on the outside. It’s easy to be alone when you’re surrounded by friends. The silence is deafening as it pours through you on a keening wail of misery. You’re alive, but dead. You’re breathing, yet you’re bleeding out. You’re present in body, but lost in mind to the darkness without a guide.
It’s at these times I crave, more than anything in the world, that one person to cling to. The one person that belongs to me as much as I belong to them in heart, the one that understands me better than I do myself. I used to think, one needed a personal Master to get that connection, a very narrow point of view I will admit. However, after seriously looking at it… there is a Master, which is as close to me in a familial way to be the other half of me. A collar doesn’t make a girl owned, and being owned doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s possible for a person to hold a part of another without there being a hint of sexual want between them. It struck me a couple weeks ago when I was falling, gods I was tumbling into a horrible abyss that there is no escape from. There was one person I knew would never let me down, would never let me go, would always accept me for who and what I am, and love me … just me, the good and the bad always. Is he a Master…gods yes. He is the strongest person I know. After years of being around Him I still get a thrill watching Him work, the attention and detail he uses. I guess, this is my roundabout way of saying Thank You. For every crying phone call, the light touch of a hand in PM, the lifeline of knowing that no matter what time it is help is only a phone call away; The warm breath of calm in a sea of turmoil. There are people in my life…two rt that know and understand me that well, only two as I don’t trust easily. Online there are three people whom hold a part of me, but out of the Three there is only one that understands it all with empathy and that makes him someone so special on this earth to **ME**. The cycle of family is inseperable...I hold him in my heart and will alwasy back him no Matter the what or why, He is my Brother, and someone I look up to with great respect. The worth of a person or object depends only on how you view it or them. What is worth nickles to one person could be worth millions to another. |
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