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Female Dominant, 40, Upstate, Alabama
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Female Submissive, 39, Duncannon, Pennsylvania
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Male Dominant, Seattle, Washington
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About ravenslaveheart
Submissive woman with slave heart
set suddenly adrift; He with no grace nor art.
Friendship nourishes the mind and soul;
My job: seek friends, and remain whole.
~me
I'm seeking friendships with people of all possible persuasions. I need to step out of my cave, end my long isolation and meet other kinky people. At this point in my life, I am licking my wounds deep and numerous ... two Dominants in a row have only concentrated on and appreciated only my physical service, tossing my emotional, mental and spiritual service away as if it had no value. I can no longer live that way, it's not healthy.
I am disabled with fibromyalgia and arthritis; with creativity and ingenuity I can do quite a lot of things but only with a combination of the right Dominant and the right aftercare, which I have not yet encountered. A Dom with a gimp slave who's stuck in bed a lot? Chain her to that bed, I say, and use the situation to advantage! Alas, most don't see it that way.
The saving grace: I've known quite a few disabled submissives and slaves who were used to their best advantage by wise and witty Dominants, who are cared for and protected, who are challenged to do their best and not punished for their body's limitations. Friendship and mentoring from such Doms and subs would rock my world!
Pen-pals are wonderful for now. Unless you're an HNG, in that case keep your "pen" to yourself! Also, by "Friends only" I mean "No to people who just want sex! Shoo!"
I am a mother, and working on finding child care so I can get out and about in my search for new friends. Meeting other couples and singles with children would be absolutely wonderful! Perhaps we can form a child-care co-op?
Not a day goes by that I don't create something, I'm absolutely artsy-fartsy. And I'm not talking Martha Stewart stuff here! I'm mostly goth.
What makes me tick, D/s-wise, is a Dominant who is able to channel my energies and bring out the best in my body, mind and spirit. A Dominant who wants to subjugate me as opposed to subsuming me; dominate rather than domineer me. I believe very strongly in the concept of yin and yang, and I believe that in a good D/s relationship, both parties are enriched, nourished, nurtured and challenged equally.
Someday, far off in the distance, I can see the ultimate best relationship for me: My being polyamorous and bisexual; I could spend play-time with a D/s or M/s couple who also have children ... we subs/slaves take turns with the child care so both can have time to find their freedom in chains. Obviously, a long friendship of trust would be the only foundation for this kind of relationship.
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated."
~ Anais Nin
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(wondering how to get line breaks in this journal?!) i'm listening to a lot of music these days, i find Evanescence is wonderful for my situation ...
Couldn't take the blame. -
Sick with shame. -
Must be exhausting to lose your own game. -
Selfishly hated, -
No wonder you're jaded. -
You can't play the victim this time
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we still talk because he hasn't "officially" broken things off, he says he needs time to work on his own issues and then we can talk about reuniting at a later date. i agree with that.
BUT - today, he told me that he will never ever be in the "scene" again, because he thinks it is SICK. he called our relationship "perverse codependence." yet this is the man who took me places i've never been before, broke my limits so easily and challenged me so nicely, he told me we accomplished more in a week than he'd been able to accomplish with other subs in a year or more (we were practicing spiritual D/s).
WHO was i submitting to all this time? he didn't come out and say it but he strongly hinted that i'm delusional, that we never had a good scene and he was never really into it. but i SAW his eyes change with my own eyes! i saw the wicked, sadistic, beautiful Dominance in his eyes!
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i'm in the process of processing! searching for the who, what, why, here and how of his leave-taking, and the reasons for the absence of his domination.
after the break-up, he said, "I haven't felt dominant or dominated you in a long time" - yet won't specify how long a time it was that i was submitting with all my heart and soul to a ghost, a shadow.
i feel crushed and hurt and bewildered and confused and useless. the one thing i don't feel like is giving up. |
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