punished4her


Punishman55 Male Dominant, 40, Long Island, New York	Punishmesir Female Submissive, 28, Leesburg, Florida	Punishme1 Female Submissive, 22, Fairview, Oregon

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	About punished4her I had to take my pic off of this site for business related reasons. I am happy to share a pic with any interested ladies. Just ask! :) I just updated my journal as of 06/29/14 There is a lot more info about me there. It's also a more intimate look at who I am. :) I know... I look fairly young for my age. Yes, that is really me in those pics. :) Here are the basics about me: I am Single...athletic...musical...entrepreneurial... I run a couple of different businesses. I am VERY passionate about music but recently I have found that I absolutely LOVE marketing. I've been merging my passion for music with my new found love of marketing with some very interesting results. Selling is serving...so that works nicely with my "non-vanilla" interests as well! ;) I would describe myself as more of a "bottom" than a submissive. However, I DO like to please women that I am attracted to...pamper them ...make them feel like goddesses, and princesses. Even in vanilla situations I just automatically find myself addressing women as "Ma'am". I'm not interested in being chained up in your basement all weekend but I would love find out all the little things that please you and actually DO THEM! I am no novice... I have been "scene-ing" for almost my entire adult life and a little before that as well. ;-) When I was sixteen I talked my girlfriend at the time in to paddling me with my family's paddle...and we were in a church at the time. Oh myyyyy!!!!! ;) I've had many experiences over the years. Some of which changed me for the better. I have had to accept very serious punishments at times and although they were difficult to take they made me a better person. I have sessioned with many wonderful ladies too and learned that a lot of women have a dominatrix inside of them just waiting to come out! I grew up in a strict religious (born again) home. The paddle was kept in the cupboard close at hand. My mother (RIP) was the primary disciplinarian in our house. I also attended schools where paddlings were frequent and often administered by the female staff. Although, I escaped the paddle at school, not because I was such a well behaved boy, but mainly because I knew how to look innocent and "kiss up" to the teachers. The girl next door introduced me to the idea that girls could take a boy down by kicking him between the legs. She also was the first girl in school to wear highheel boots in the winter... I was IN LOVE! LOL! I know that most of the activities that attract me are very painful. However, I don't consider myself a "pain slut" or anything like that. When something hurts...it HURTS and I do not enjoy it. Yet I feel the need to get all the paddlings, spankings, strappings, ballkickings, and verbal humilation that I missed out on as a kid. In the last few years I have realized that is time to "settle up". This is a journey. More than once I thought that I had found someone to share it with me but alas twas not meant to be. I am still searching. I am STILL VERY optimistic and excited to see what the future holds. I have learned that what I focus on grows. I am becoming more energized every day about my life. Sometimes if feels like my body is buzzing with electricity! Oh geeze...that sounds soooooo corny. LOL! I'll have to come back and edit that out later. ;) Once again, if I have piqued your interest then PLEASE look at my journal entries too. Obviously you are a dominant lady so there is no reason to be shy about just dropping me a line and asking anything you want to know...Ma'am! L

I have had to learn a lesson the hard way.

This is rather embarrassing to post here but I want my journal to reflect my journey.

I had struck up a text/phone relationship with a very interesting lady on this site. Due to work schedules etc... we were delaying meeting face to face but I had every reason to believe that she was for real ... In fact I am sure that she is VERY MUCH for real. Anyway...While we saw eye to eye on many things there was one area of contention. That area was chastity. Chastity was not something that I ever wanted for myself. I enjoyed masturbating, usually at least twice a day and I was hoping that whomever found to be my partner would treat this habit of mine rather lightly. This wonderful lady is of the exact opposite opinion. She feels very strongly that the man should be in chastity. I could not get my head around this. What is wrong with being able to cum I thought? It was not something that she was willing to budge on. If I was going to belong to her, at some point, I would need to be in chastity. Those were the rules. I was really torn and I did make an attempt to try to control myself on my own, since we hadn't actually met yet, but I could not. Ultimately I ended up alienating her. It took a lot soul searching and getting brutally honest with myself, but I see where this "harmless habit" has caused me a lot of problems in my life. I have wasted many many hours looking at adult sites and masturbating. This is time that could have been used to accomplish many of my bigger goals. It also saps my energy for closeness and intimacy with a real person. I did a little research and discovered that chastity can often increase the level of arousal for both people in the relationship and bring them much closer.

I know now, that whomever I partner with will have to lock me up and take total control of my sexuality... I have to admit that I must surrender that part of myself to a special woman. I just cannot do this on my own.

Random Thought:

Why don't more dominant, top, and "alpha" females, make the first move? It seems that a lot of ladies on this site are annoyed with the messages that they get from men. The common complaints are that they get a lot of one line messages, overtly sexual messages or that the men are overly focused on their own needs. It seems that the answer to this is very simple. Don't respond to those men. Don't even read messages from men unless YOU have messaged them first. ;) You are highly intelligent fem-doms. You are MORE than capable of picking the partners that you wish to engage with. As a bottom or submissive myself, I am looking to you ladies to take more initiative. If you simply wait for what comes to you, you will keep getting the same things over and over. Go for what you want! :)

Can something that is a turn on ever effectively be used as a punishment?

The following is not meant to be "topping from the bottom" or telling the many amazing dominant ladies here what to do and how to deal with their subs. You may simply consider this "perspective from the bottom" so to speak. Enjoy!

You may have heard old saying that the masochist says to the sadist, "Please beat me." and the sadist says, "NO!" Supposedly this is the worst punishment that can be inflicted on someone who likes pain. This is an over simplification.

First of all the old sadist and masochist roles are stereo types. Not all "bottoms" or "subs" are pain sluts or even like actual pain at all. This is why there are the ideas of limits, hard and soft as well as "safe words" and for some "go words". A lot of the fetish video sites can leave you with the impression that most subs like to beaten bloody. While these scenes of brutal caning, whipping and even paddling may arouse and titillate a large portion of the S/M porn purchasing base most of those people would be screaming their safe words after the first cane stroke. Many would not even be able to tolerate the humiliation of having to assume the position.

While the ultimate punishment may in fact be "banishment" or even being ignored for a period of time, where does this leave the idea of interaction, catharsis and even forgiveness? The idea of an actual physical punishment event gives both people the feeling that the slate has be cleared and we can get on with our lives. Physical punishment also opens the door for more intimacy, and I don't just mean sexual. The purpose should be to ultimately bring the two people closer together. Those who have had the experience of disappointing their dom or top, being REALLY physically punished, the catharsis that goes with it and then the interaction between the two people afterwards understand the power of real yet consensual punishment. As a top or dom you should consider what is the result that you are looking for? If you take a spanko and tie him down and pour honey all over his genitals and let bees loose in the room, you will most certainly punish him but he may also never speak to you again. Is that the result that you really want? Since we are talking about consenting adults it's important that you get your sub to understand and willingly submit to the punishment. "Grounding" etc... is also effective but it does not do much to increase interaction and does not force or foster increased communication. This may also be cumbersome for the dom. She my find herself restricted as well if her mate has certain restrictions. If she is ingnoring him as punishment then she is also punishing herself since this may lead to increased isolation.

I think that it is important for the dom(top etc...) to really know what is in the imagination of the bottom (sub etc...). A large hint will come from the sub's fascinations. If the sub is a "spanko" or is interested in ballbusting then these things need to be considered. You may find that you can effectively create punishment by simply spanking harder with your hand, or by picking up the hairbrush instead of using your hand. Even very pleasurable activities can turn into punishment when taken to an extreme. Anyone who has had someone continue to vigorously stroke their penis after they have cum can tell you how maddeningly painful that can be.

Shame, humiliation, fear and anticipation are often over looked aspects that are hugely effective and can make a physically mild punishment very memorable. What you say, how say it and when you say it all contribute to how punished your sub will feel. The better that you two know each other the more you will know what buttons to push. Most of us have "trigger phrases" that can instantly bring us into that, "uh oh, I'm in deep doo doo" head space. You can then decide if he has to "Wait 'til we get home" or not... this can be punishment all by itself. Of course scolding during the punishment can be very effective but you may want to consider some question and answer dialogue as well.

A couple of examples from my own life:

Without going into too many details I had done something really stupid to a very nice lady that I was seeing a couple of years ago. It ended up causing her a lot headaches and made her very angry with me....justifiably so. I had to suffer a lot of punishment for this but one punishment really made an impression. Knowing my interest in ballbusting she hired a woman who was a bit of an expert with BB to kick me in the balls. The punishment was to last 30 minutes and she kicked very hard and very accurately with high heel platform boots. I was begging for her to stop after the first kick but they made me keep going. There was absolutely NOTHING enjoyable about the session. I remember the anticipation and anxiety that I felt the entire day leading up to it, as well as how they scolded and humiliated me during. But I reached a point during the session where I felt deep remorse for what I had done and then gratitude that these ladies were putting me in my place. When it was over I hugged them both. It was a very intense experience. And the woman that was seeing felt it too. We spent a lot of time being very close afterwards and talking. I would not willing go through that again but would take it if the woman in my life felt that it was necessary.

Another time, many years ago, I sought out a paddling for mouthing off to a teacher, which I had done when I was a boy and was never punished for. The dominatrix who administered the paddling took me WAY beyond anything pleasurable. I screamed my head off. She did not give me a safe word so once it started, I was sort of in it for the long hall. The session ended with me bawling like a baby and her holding me very tightly in her arms. Again this was VERY powerful to say the least and even though she was a professional, it was obvious that she was moved by the experience too.

Just for fun...and maybe a little more than just fun. Here are a list of "Turn On's" and "Turn Off's". This isn't meant to be a list of requirements. Think of this as a peak "under the hood" as to what makes me tick. These are in not any particular order. I'm just putting them down as they come to my head. This is not a complete list and I am sure that I will modify it over time. Enjoy!

Visceral Turn On's:

What I mean by "visceral" in this case is that these things just get me going for no real reason. Most of them have some sort of visual element to them and almost ALWAYS cause an immediate reaction in me.

Women in high heels especially boots. I love to buy heels and boots for women...love to go shoe shopping!

Women (and real life accounts of)who have kicked a guy in the balls in a "non-kink" situation. If you went out of your way to kick him and even selected a certain pair of shoes that you thought would cause the most pain, then I may just have to marry you!

Wooden paddles... I love and hate the paddle all at the same time. You could say that I have a very complicated relationship with this particular implement. LOL!

Women who are not shy about their sadistic side and are completely okay about causing suffering (notice that I did not say pain. Physical pain is part of suffering but there is an emotional and psychological element that must be there for some one to truly suffer.) when it they feel that it is called for. I firmly believe that all women have this side but most do not want to admit it for fear of not being "lady like".

Physical fitness, health and a youthful attitude. This turns me on to myself as well as to others (women).

Making her cum.

Cerebral Turn On's:

These are more psychological...things that happen or are said, attitudes and circumstances etc...

Intelligence.

Women who believe in punishment.

Women in authority. I'm not a democrat but I always thought that Hillary Clinton was very attractive...Michelle Obama too! I always crushed on my female teachers and college professors as well as a couple of my aunts when I was too young to understand that that was "wrong".

Like the ball kicking thing above... if you have ever giving a spanking in a non-kink situation and especially if you planned it out...oh myyyyy...

women who are in charge of "disciplinary action" at their jobs and especially school teachers and female administrators... DAMN! I know. I'm such a perv... LOL!

women who can talk softly but carry a big stick... I always found the firm and matter of fact more arousing than the full tilt anger with yelling etc... but some anger can be hot too. A firm "dressing down" always gets my attention, especially when it includes phrases like "going to have to paddle you", "in need of some disciplinary action", "you are over do for a paddling". "YOu need your balls kicked very hard for this" etc... you get the idea.

Women who don't stop the punishment just because I ask to not be punished or ask them to stop or even shed a few tears. I read a quote once "The punishment doesn't truly begin until the submissive is desperate for it to end." OR something to that effect. In any case, I'm not a pain slut so all ya have to do is go beyond my limit and that usually enough to "correct" me.

When the woman in my life is proud of me... making her proud of me.

Giving her gifts, surprises and non-surprises

Sharing my success with her and contributing financially.

Doing little things like packing her lunch, making her breakfast, helping her dress etc...

Important Relationship Things

These are things that I think are important if we are going to have a relationship. They aren't "Turn On's" per se', but these need to be there if we are going to build anything other than a fetish relationship.

Very strong mutual physical attraction.

Mutual respect.

Mutual emotional support

Feeling safe to tell her anything, even mistakes that I have made.

Compatible world views: including spiritual (not "religious"), general libertarian politics.

Self reliant, can create her own fun etc... has her own friends and social outlets.

Sense of humor... not easily offended.

Always reaching for more...trying to get to the next level... always trying to improve.

Understanding of the entrepreneurial drive.

Values Physical fitness and encourages me to do the same.

Turn Off's:

Jealousy

People who are ONLY interested in financial and material gain

Perfume

Blind Folds

Inability to get along with other women.

Inability to deal with money.

Entitlement attitude

Easily Manipulated

A lot of ladies on this site appear to be looking for "losers"... as in "message me now losers!" Really? You want to hear from losers? LOL! Is there a "loser fetish" that no one told me about?

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punkin13 Dominant Couple, 19	Punkboyslave Male Submissive, 25, riverside, California	punany Female Submissive, 56, Miami-Ft Laud, Florida	punx742 Male Switch, 22, Maplewood, New Jersey
punjabidilse Male Submissive, 24, jalandhar	punchingbag Male Submissive, 25, Columbus, Ohio	punkgirlsub Female Submissive, 24	punjabigirl Male Switch, 36, Beijing

punished4her

About punished4her