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About Polthus
Writer - Artist - Unrepentant Slut - Constructing a piece of art requires a multitude of lies. When the artist succeeds, an audience is seduced into taking temporary leave of logic, allowing themselves to drift through another's dream. Reality held at bay by a distortion field, as fragile as a soap bubble. When a piece ends, the world resumes spinning. Gravity is restored. And, one hopes, the audience feels they 'got something' - maybe a thrill, maybe some kind of truth - hopefully more. Enchantment occurs despite this fact: the artist is a liar by trade. Do you trust a liar to tell the truth? How about a truth? Should you? That's your decision. Want to read more of my work? I keep a blog on sex, submission & whateverthefuck else @ http://polthus.wordpress.com/
If you're interested in some femdomme or Male sub eye candy, check out http://grind-n-throb.tumblr.com/
Please overuse your intelligence. It's sexy as fuck!
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Until Collarspace has a more user-friendly way to format posts, (Or one that WORKS) I wont be updating this journal. I am active over on my blog: polthus.wordpress.com |
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The storm to Come
She’s yet to be as ruthless and cruel as she craves, but the moment's bound to arrive. When masturbating, she's often unable to climax until her thirst is slaked with my tears. When daydreaming, the moments she hungers for are as replete with suffering as they are tenderness.
Dominants crave power. They covet the power to cause a submissive to experience pain or pleasure as much as the value their role as guide and protector. After all, what good is it to own a submissive if a dominant cannot dictate which aspect of her power will be experienced at any time?
V has yet to fully taste the extent of the power that’s rightfully hers, but I have no illusions she won’t at some point. In the meantime, certain images populate her fantasies.
In her mind’s eye, she sometimes handles me roughly before it begins. The preamble to my suffering may be devoid of discussion or may include a smirking deion of what’s to follow. Either way, this preparation is marked by precise movements and manipulations as I'm bound, gagged, and objectified.
She imagines standing above me with a strap or flogger, enjoying the sight of her boy, trussed, mute, and hooded awaiting the first lash. Then a rush of lust before a rain of leather reddens and mottles my flesh. As I writhe and moan helpless beneath the blows, she hungers for more.
The gag renders me unable to beg, the hood conceals my pleading eyes. Isolated in the darkness, I endure, clinging to the hope my muted screams and muffled whimpers will sate her.
Because until the sadist has been fed, the whipping will continue. And it's not until until I’m well marked and heaving that she may pause to take a breath before, finally, relenting.
Only then will she remove the hood to drink in my tear-stained cheeks and drooling gag-stuffed mouth. Running her hands tenderly over the flesh which she’s asserted dominion, she carefully removes the gag to claim the yielding softness of my mouth like it's ripened fruit.
Only after a portion of her ever-burning desire to conquer has been appeased will she feel compelled to sooth and comfort. And though my voice has been restored, it’s so she can hear my pleas. Still bound and helpless, she'll feast upon each and every shuddering moan as she slowly impales me with her cock.
This storm has yet to come.
Yet I know it will. When it does, I will whimper, scream, and cry with abandon as restraint will only cause her to redouble her blows. And when she relents and descends to comfort and reclaim me, I'll demonstrate my gratitude with sweetened stammering for both what I’ve received and am receiving.
After all- I am her submissive, her boy. As such, doing what makes my Dominant happy and wet with want is what brings me joy. |
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How Firm the Hand
I hadn’t been collared a day before V beat my ass red. Not warmed pink, not welted and purple, no, she thoroughly spanked my ass and upper thighs until the flesh was deep red.
While the beating wasn’t a punishment, it certainly wasn’t funishment. It was more like a hard reboot for my headspace.
Three days spent with V provided more insight into who she is than several months of phone calls and emails combined. And while it’s only common sense that time spent with someone will be exponentially different and more gratifying than long-distance communication, certain moments drove the point home.
One such moment occurred just after we returned from dinner. Upon entering the room, I stripped, folded my clothes, and waited at the foot of the bed. Settling near me, V pressed my head to her lap and toyed with the chain of my collar. I sighed, resting there for a few moments before she said something which took me off guard.
“You sound needier on the phone,” she mused, “Almost clingy at times. I like hearing that in your voice, but I’ve yet to hear or feel it from you in the flesh. I wonder why.”
“Don’t worry,” she said smiling down at my puzzled face. “I didn’t say you’ve been anything besides sweet and attentive. You’ve been a very good boy. That’s not an issue. What I mean is I’ve yet to feel you need me. Feel your craving.”
“Well, I do want you,” I said, relieved, before making myself comfortable again on her lap. “I want you bad… so maybe all that needy craving just takes some time to build up inside? Into a voice I mean.”
“No – the boy I’m looking for is in there. And getting him out? I think it might take fifteen…twenty minutes tops,” she said. “Hand me that black canvas bag. The one on the chair.”
She dug around in the bag for a few moments before withdrawing a wide-backed hairbrush.
“Oh…”
“Come lay across my lap, sweet boy,” she said patting her leg. “I want to put some color in those cute cheeks of yours.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Settling across her lap, I realized this would be my first time over her knee and found myself more curious than scared. After all, I’d done nothing wrong, she’d just said so. After positioned my waist where she wanted, V ran her hands over my ass and thighs. I could feel her eyes weighing and measuring me just as her hands familiarized themselves to my body. Acutely aware I was buck naked where she was fully clothed, my cock grew hard against her denim jeans. She seemed to be enjoying the power play, I thought, with no intention of really laying into me.
The first stinging smack of her open hand on my ass cheek corrected my guess about her intentions. V is a strong woman, has spanked plenty of bottoms, and knows where the power in her hand lies and where the force each strike will be felt. That first smack was an open, slightly cupped hand which landed full at the base of my left cheek and caused me to rock slightly forward.
“Oh shit,” I thought. “I’m in for it.”
She kept on spanking me with her bare hand until my ass was well warmed and stinging. When she switched to the brush, each swat was like fire. And while I had no intention of struggling, I did squirm some and immediately found she’d locked her leg around mine while leaning into the hand she’d rested on the back of my neck.
The spanking went on. Ruthless powerful swats covering every inch of my ass and fluctuating to the upper backs of my thighs. No pauses, no talking, just the sound of the brush’s back striking my ass and my grunts, grunts which quickly became moans. It hurt bad, and would only hurt more as she continued. And while there was a rhythm to her strikes, it never slowed.
She was beating my ass in earnest
In a moment of self awareness – I found the noises and energy coming out of me felt off. Way off. I realized V wasn’t going to stop until she got what she wanted. She could do this until she got tired, and then do it again.
I was owned. Her collared boy. Her property. If she wanted to, the beatings could go on all night long.
This realization – that I was owned property, to be beaten and fucked at her discretion – caused even more blood to surge into my already stiff cock. Feeling the hardness of my sex against her leg, V moved slightly to stroke it once, but continued spanking me without comment. She’d beat my ass until I broke down and gave her what she wanted. And what she wanted was for me to give up. To surrender.
I stopped thinking and felt, allowing the moans to become the whimpers which forever live at the back of my throat. I forced myself to stop struggling even as I arched in agony. She didn’t stop, and I melted as much for her ruthlessness as I did for her softer side. She was both the firm hand I needed and the shelter I craved. And then the whimpers were simply coming out of me. I collapsed under the strong fingers clamped at the base of my skull, surrendered to the fire and heat of my owned, beaten ass, gave into the pain washing over me even as my cock surged against her clothed thigh. No longer certain or caring if I whimpered, moaned, howled, or sobbed, I let go.
She stopped beating me soon after.
When she stopped, it was abrupt and without comment. Though she said nothing, I knew it wasn’t a coincidence she’d stopped because the stiffness had left my spine and was satisfied. She wasn’t breaking me but reminding me who I was.
She made a contented noise as she admired the effects of her effort before playfully shoving me to the floor.
After snagging a bottle of water from the nightstand, she returned to sit on the bed where she studied me, her well-beaten boy who lay sprawled out, panting at her feet.
“Well, now,” she said after taking a swig of water, “Stand up. Let me get a better look at my work.”
I did as instructed, eyes cast down, cock hard and dripping, ass red and stinging.
“Aww, such an improvement in the way you look already. So come over here, sweet boy. Come over here and let me see how see how you feel. You may thank me as well.”
Without thinking, I was on my knees before her and holding her waist. Clutching at her, holding on as hard as I could. I wasn’t worried she might beat me again, or that she would change tactics to find a more painful way to amuse herself. I had a sudden concern she might leave the room.
“Thank you Ma’am”
“I knew you were in there,” she said with a sigh. And then she was stroking the back of my head and neck, soothing me, pausing to give my collar a gentle tug. “Just fifteen minutes to pry the sweetest boy meat out of the shell.”
“Now then, let’s see about getting your ass properly plugged…”
Want to read more of my work? I keep a blog on sex, submission & whateverthefuck else @ grind-'n'-throb. |
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Edification
My sweet slut. My greedy boy. I know you want it bad, want me to fill your aching hole, don’t you? Well then beg slut? Beg me sweet. Good boy, very good boy. I know you love to be held down and fingered like a mewling cunt. And that’s exactly how you feel with my hands around your neck, squirming under me. I already own your ass. But I can sense you becoming my bitch with each moment that passes. And you want it. I know you do, but tell me how much you want it. Good boy, very good. Keep on begging as I finger fuck you. Keep on whining. Keep stammering me how much you love it, and you’ll get more. Much more. That’s it, I can feel you moving against me, can tell you want it. Oh, no, you’re not stopping on me now. You aren’t going to just lie there and moan, slut. Let me feel you try to swallow more of my finger with your hole. Not your mouth you slap-stupid bitch, your asshole, your boy cunt, the dirt hole I’ve got my finger hooked into. That’s right, I’m fingering you – my little bitch. Try and clench up. Try and push me out. That’s it…I can feel your greedy boy cunt begging for it, but I want to hear you babble. Oh? You want more? What a surprise. More of what? Tell me, boy.
Mmmm…Oh, you like the abuse, sweetheart? Enjoy it when I beat and hurt you? Well then get up on your knees so I can see you better. All of you, up close. That’s it. Much better. Like that? Like the feel of my hand spreading you open? Hurting you? I can tell you love it by the noises you make. A pain slut, ass slut, and a complete glutton for humiliation. Oh you’re going to get it. Squirm as much as you like, feel free to scream, let it out boy, and try to crawl or thrash if you want. It makes beating you that much more fun. I’ll hold you right here and beat you raw. But it’s not as though you even try to get away… not yet. Who are you kidding? All that whimpering while you ooze precum. I know you love it. I can feel you buck against me to meet each smack. You love it and want more. Yes? Tell me you want more. Tell me how much?
I’ll give it to you alright. Give it to you until you break for me. Feel that cool metal against your stinging hole? Well it’s the fat steel plug that made your eyes go as wide as saucers when you first saw it. And you’re going to take IT for me like a good boy. You’re going to take this thick, heavy, plug and hold it until you’re well-stretched and ready for my cock. Mmm…don’t worry, I’ll go slow. Nice and slow to stretch you tight, little hole. That’s it, that’s it. Oh you nearly squealed when that went in. You love being stuffed. That’s easy to see. And the noises you make, fucking hot. Gasping like a bitch when stuffed and whimpering like a little girl when its nearly out. I’m going to hear how you sound when I fuck you with my cock soon, feel you squirm and listen to you whimper as I slid it home achingly slow, owning you thoroughly, one inch at a time. My cock head will be small compared to this plug that’s almost all the way out…almost there…almost…I think you’re about to scream.
Alright, shhhh, don’t hyperventilate, it’s back deep inside. I’ll stop torturing you…for a little while. Hear, now just settle for me. Settle and feel the weight inside you. Good boy. That’s it, lie back stuffed and sore so I can see your eyes. Here, drink…more…Good. You’ll get that from my and hand just as you’ll learn to get anything and everything else from me. Understand slut? Everything comes from me because I own you. My ass, my cock, my mouth, my boy. All mine. Suck my fingers gentle and slutty like you would my cock. That’s a good boy. Here, take another drink. Finish it and hydrate, bitch. Good, now give me your mouth, gentle, sweet, open. Goddamn, your mouth is soft. Let me taste your lips, your tongue. It’s as though I can taste each moan each gasp. Delicious gasping . Your cock hurt, boy? No -MY- cock hurts, boy. Open your thighs. Wider. But keep your eyes on me. I want to watch them glaze over.
There’s my good boy, you relax, and breathe as I remove this plug. Keep your eyes on me and breathe because I’m going to pull it out slow soon, very soon. Hurt and owned by who’s hand? Yes, my hand. You eat from my palm before the nights out, bitch. Yes, it has to come out, but doesn’t being covered up, restrained, and held close make it easier? I know it does just as I know you want more. It’s coming out now, so get lost in my eyes and let go. Awww…so good. Yes, a very good boy. Now settle again and spread and lift your ass some. Give me that sore greasy hole. Don’t worry, I’m going to be nice, so just settle and shush.
Whimper all you like, but I want you to shut up for now. Just relax while I finger you and stroke that tender, caged, clamped little boy clit of yours. Good. Very good. And that’s what this is, a swollen little boy clit, such a red little bud that a fingertip makes you moan. It looks better caged. Eventually, I’ll have it pierced, so you always remember who you belong to.
My bitch. My sexy little bitch who’s a man everywhere else, but is a whiny, needy, whore under me. My slut who knows he has a boy cunt to be fucked, who knows he’ll only cum from being fucked with my cock or whatever else I stick inside him. That’s how I want you: needy, and slutty. And you’ll open up that dirty mind to me even more. Yes, you will, boy.
Think I don’t notice how you grind your nose into my asshole when I’m riding your face? Think I don’t know you want my asshole, cunt, or armpit over your mouth when I’m hurting you with a clamp, crop, or needle? Think I don’t know you love to be such a depraved mouth slut, shamelessly sucking my finger immediately after I’m done fingering your ass? Think I don’t know the thoughts running through your head as you whimper underneath me, craving to be hurt, pissed on, fucked, humiliated, and beaten until you break? I know all of it and more. Sometimes you’ll beg, and other times, I’ll just give it to you. Either way, I’m going to use you, slut. Hard and often. So the sooner you surrender to the idea, the easier things will be. You are a dirty boy, and it’s important you’re used to your potential… and my entertainment.
Oh yes, I’m going to fuck you now.
Afterwards, I’ll want to use your mouth. I’ll want to ride your face and grind on it until you’re soaked and sticky with my juices. Once I’ve orgasmed, you’ll lick me clean.
But right now, I’m going to fuck you.
So, roll over. Place this pillow under your waist. Don’t fret, I’ll enter you slow. But for fucks sake, turn off your fucking brain. Or don’t. It doesn’t much matter as I’m going to fuck you until your mind melts.
There’s no need to ask permission to cum. But don’t think telling me you have will make me stop. I’m going to take you now slut. I’m going to fuck and own my stupid little slut who begs, whimpers, and moans so prettily.
Take a deep breath, boy…
Want to read more of my work? I keep a blog on sex, submission & whateverthefuck else is on my mind @ grind-'n'-throb. |
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Lucky Day
I’d spent over an hour on the living room floor being beaten, humiliated, fucked – then beaten again. Twelve strokes into the second thrashing, her phone rang. After delivering lucky thirteen, she checked the caller ID. Grumbling, she dropped the sweat-slick tawse on the couch, then snatched the phone from the end table. Moments later, she was engaged in conversation and walked out.
Once she left, I collapsed on the carpet, an exhausted, aching, heap of sated boy. Without a direct command to remain on all fours, resting on my side wouldn’t get me in trouble. Accordingly, I took advantage of the time to regroup and had just started to drift off into an endorphin-induced haze when she turned up in an adjacent room.
“Just need to confirm the date’s free,” she said, “Please hold a sec.”
With the caller on hold, she’d be standing at the entry to the living room just behind me. I knew her exact pose without looking: arms crossed, mouth pulled into a slight frown – her thinking face. She’d be evaluating me for signs of distress. My relaxed silence reassurance enough, she turned away before addressing me from the office.
“You took that well, boy,” she said. Her voice accompanied by the tap and click of fingers dancing across a keyboard as she continued, “I am quite pleased, so you can expect a treat come bedtime. Yes, quite pleased…”
Returning her attention to the caller, she wandered off again.
Temporarily ignored, I allowed my endorphin-glazed consciousness to float in subspace and survey the aftermath: there were rug-burned knees; the ache of the first beating just settling into my ass and thighs; the skin of those areas stinging from the whipping which had just been interrupted; my asshole, throbbing and sore from being fucked; and my poor, caged cock, steadily leaking cum.
“If only she’d left me plugged,” I thought before chuckling at my slutty, one-track mind. Drifting off into the haze again, I mapped the events and fondled the details of exactly how I’d arrived at my current condition.
It started as a brief discussion over something trivial – color chips.
She wanted to repaint the session room. Though I often spent hours pondering those very walls in states of pleasure and distress, twenty-some paint samples in varying shades of blue are not something I can pretend to remotely care about.
Bored with the conversation before it began, I didn’t bother hiding my lack of interest – which was acceptable. We disagreed on the hue – which was fine. She made a decision and moved on to the next topic – which was welcome.
But then I made a snarky comment, and she smacked me.
The smack was a fast right across the jaw. I’d seen it coming and didn’t even blink. Recognizing my sullen reaction for what it was drove home the reason she’d smacked me. A heartbeat later, I was looking down, face flushed with embarrassment. Proof positive my headspace was already sorted came when I flinched before she smacked me a second time.
“Oh, an attitude adjustment.” she said cheerfully, “It’s my lucky day!”
That she was smiling and bubbly meant she wasn’t annoyed, so a severe correction was unlikely. But she often glowed and giggled while indulging in wanton sadism, and there was no mistaking that look in her eyes. That look could only mean one thing.
I was going to get it.
Some friendly advice to submissives: if you’re six foot one and happen to be standing in front of your Dominant who’s five foot nine, it’s best to not to tower over her. That’s especially important if your Dominant happens to be a sadist who’s in the midst of considering every option at her disposal to make you suffer. And when it’s a snarky comment that set her off in the first place, you’d damn well better make sure the next words out of your mouth are as humble as they are contrite. Because the choice between a pseudo punishment and a single-tail whipping – or worse – isn’t a hard one to make.
I sat down in the office chair and lowered my eyes before answering. After owning my comment and attitude were out of line, I told her I’d be more careful, and I was sorry.
Not that any of those moves would change her mind.
There was no need to look up to know she wore a smirk as she stood over me. Standing so close, I caught the lingering scent of her lavender soap. It’s always disconcerting when she invades my personal space, but here she was studying and savoring my mental state. Her gaze and proximity caused a moment of self-conscious shyness – me naked, collared, and flushed with no way to conceal the fact my cock’s straining against the cage. Bashfully looking up, I found she was indeed smirking, one eyebrow raised. I opened my mouth to plead my case. But before I could utter a word, she grasped my ear to haul me out of the chair. Her fingernails cutting into my earlobe as I crouch walked beside her into the living room where she shoved me to the floor.
“Hands and knees,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”
Kneeling as instructed, I studied the carpet while attentive to the sounds of her moving around the bedroom. The sound of a zipper said she was rummaging through the toy bag. I remembered her leaving the single tail and the more wicked hardwood paddles in the session room and felt momentary relief. The relief was replaced by dread when I glanced sideways to mark her return. She’d already buckled her strap on in place and was holding a tawse.
To the uninitiated, a tawse looks to be nothing more than a leather strap with one end split into two tails. But anyone who’s been on the business end of one wielded by an experienced Dominant knows just how painful those tails can be.
I’d never known her use a tawse before, but the one she held was dark from regular oiling and supple from long use. One look at strap and the familiar way she held it added fear to the apprehension in my eyes. She slapped her palm with the smooth leather before directing me to crawl closer to the couch. Sitting down, she then positioned me for maximum exposure.
“Turn and face away,” she said, “Good. Now press that smart mouth of yours into the floor, and stick your ass in the air. Nice and high…That’s better.”
My face flushed red against the carpet as she rose to circle me. Looking me over she murmured and hummed to herself, then leaned down and began to spank my ass with her bare hands. These were slow almost affectionate slaps I knew wouldn’t last long. Naked, kneeling, and vulnerable, I felt certain it would only get more humiliating. I was right because she then began to spank me bare handed in earnest, alternating sides. But her hand didn’t land nearly as hard as the words that followed.
“You really can be stupid bitch,” she said pausing to look over my reddening ass. “You talk incessantly about how stupid you can be, and here’s proof. Tell me, was that smartass comment worth it, slut?”
“No ma’am” – I replied, then grunted when she struck my tenderized ass with the tawse full force. It landed with a sharp crack and burned like pure flame.
She let the sting and of that first strike fully ingrain itself before continuing. The sound of the split leather slapping my skin and the burning pain that followed was like the opening sentence of a lecture, a talk I’d become well acquainted with.
Just as the burn of the first swat sank in, she followed up with more.
The strapping was hard, fast, and hurt worse than I’d expected. Being whipped with that narrow tawse was far more wicked than a wide belt because she knew exactly how, when, and where to use the advantage. I found myself gasping by the tenth stroke but knew she was holding back. It could have been a lot more vicious. Realizing this, I whined and felt my cock surge with gratitude. She didn’t say a word or slow down until she’d delivered at least fifteen more strokes. Then she stopped.
Kneeling, she ran her hand across my back and spoke while I moaned into the floor, my eyes squeezed shut.
“No? It wasn’t worth it?” She asked cheerfully as she paused to catch her breath.“Because you’re getting what you want, are you not? I know you crave to be hurt, slut. The pre-cum dripping off that cage tells me everything. And if I thought for a second you were being a brat who’s trying to get attention, you would not be getting beaten. You would be punished, and you know the difference. If anything, this is a reminder as well as a reward for adjusting your attitude so quickly.”
“Now reach back and spread your cheeks for your reward,” she said bringing the strap down to sting my hole. “Wider. Show me every inch of that slutty ass. That’s it…”
“No, this is not a punishment,” she said, her bare hand spanking my hole to punctuate each point. “You love to have your asshole hurt. Just like you love to be fucked.” The strikes coming harder and faster as she spoke between sentences, with me gasping, whining, and moaning under her hand.
“You really are a clever piece of boy meat, but you can be dumb as a rock at times. Your job is to be sweet, slutty, and compliant, not to be contradicting me or taking a tone. Because if you do, I will beat you till you scream. Is that not right?”
“Yes, ma’am, that’s right.”
“What’s right?” she asked – “Tell me what I said that’s correct?”
“I was stupid to take atone with you,” I said, careful to speak clearly. “My job is to be a good boy and an obedient slut. If I’m good you’ll use me the way I love to be used and hurt the way I love to be hurt…”
Halfway through my repeating what she’d said, the beating stopped, and I felt her hand between my legs, felt her fingers twisting then stroking my caged cock. This kind of attention made intellect blurry, and I was instantly stupid with craving and want. Still holding myself spread, I felt her lubed finger start to rub my stinging hole, soothing, teasing. Soon enough – my repetition of her words became a confession.
“I love to be hurt and fucked,” I said, my forehead pressed to the carpet again, back arched, I spoke between in drawn breaths. “My place is below or beside you, never above. My place is at your feet, or across over your lap, my place is–”
My confession cut short to become a sharp gasp, then a shuddering moan when she stuffed me full strapped-on cock with one, smooth, thrust.
Good boy,” she said pulling out slow, then filling and owning me again. Her voice drunk with power and honeyed with lust, she spoke in sweet and sensual tones while fucking me. “Now if you take this like a good little slut, and can mind your manners the rest of the day, I might just let you worship my asshole before I tuck you in tonight.”
Everything else was a blur of pleasure, continued humiliation, and pain. But what more was there to know? That blur was life at times and she was right, I loved all of it.
Laying there on my side afterwards, dazed and drifting, I remembered her words and knew exactly what kind of treat she planned for me just before sleep. Murmuring contentedly, I curled up a bit to await her return, counting myself as one lucky boy.
Want to read more of my work? I keep a blog on sex, submission & whateverthefuck else is on my mind @ grind-'n'-throb. |
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Feeding the Need
She’s made it clear as to how she wants me most of the time: collared, naked, plugged, and sore.
“Always a bit sore,” she said, “every day until you don’t remember what it it’s like to not have a sore hole, cock, or both.”
Two weeks from now I’ll be wearing V’s collar. As I’ve said before, her placing a physical collar on my neck is a formality because I’m already in her service. But when it comes to significance and impact, there’s a world of difference between the idea of something and experiencing the act. So knowing she’ll be here in about fourteen days has me nervous and excited.
Also…a little scared.
Why scared? Well, I’ve spent months talking to V on a daily basis, and written lengthy emails containing experiences, likes, dislikes, limits, fantasies, and fears. She knows anything she’s cared to ask on top of whatever has popped into my head without editing. V has told me a lot about herself and her preferences as well, so we’ve learned a lot about each other. Yet the two things that have me worried are the depth of experience and our compatibility.
Of course, her experience is more a source of comfort than anything. Because it means I’m in good hands, and something like how neither of us believe in safe words will not be abused. That is to say, I have no ‘real reason’ to think she’ll be flaying the skin of my back with a single-tail an hour after we meet.
No, I am quite sure she’ll move quite slowly when it comes to exercising her privileges. Just as I’m equally certain she will push me hard once she’s ready. So the irony that her ability scares me less than our mutual preferences is not lost on me.
Alright, that’s not exactly true…It’s the combination of the two.
I’ve been as honest and up-front as possible. In the process, I’ve revealed myself to be needy, slutty, greedy, masochistic boy when it comes to my sexual urges. “So what?” might be your response. That’s pretty much the profile of most submissives to some degree.
Agreed, but there’s a big difference between ‘playing’ a role when it’s sexy time and just letting go to be yourself in the day-to-day environment of a D/s dynamic. And then there’s what ‘s focused on and cultivated. There’s what a Dominant wants to see more of and what they don’t care for. In this case, the fact we both find many of the same behaviors and emotional dynamics appealing and want to ramp them up that has me spooked.
V has taken care to feed my neediness and slutty greed with enthusiasm that's...well, it's as alarming as it is seductive. Where a former Dominant enjoyed my frustrated yet silent suffering more than vocal begging, V has devoured every whimper and word only to state she she wants more. Where other Dominants have sought to use lust as a tool of denial to gain compliance, V has given me every indication I’ll soon find myself choking on my greed.
That, frankly, has me a bit worried.
Let me be clear, I don’t mean serious worry or fear. The more I get to know V, the better I understand my well-being trumps whatever deliciously twisted fantasies running through her head. If anything, I think she’s likely to dole out all the fucking, beatings, humiliation, and tender aftercare and coddling I can handle, then seduce me into begging for more. And only once I’m sexually sated, physically spent, and emotionally raw, will she settle in to gently but firmly push me until I’m no longer able to take what I was just lusting after hours before.
It won’t take much at that point, and I get the feeling V will know exactly when a certain moment arrives and what she wants to do with it.
Ultimately, it’s the knowledge that moment is likely to arrive under her hand sooner than later that scares me almost as much as it turns me on.
Want to read more of my work? I keep a blog on sex, submission & whateverthefuck else is on my mind @ grind-'n'-throb. |
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