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DarkSamauri
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naughtyyogi
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i am very small, hence the nick name 'pocket toy' and look generally a decade or so younger than i actually am. Do not take this as being young, fragile, weak, or that i am a doormat. I assure you, i am many things, but none of those. i am not new to this lifestyle, i've been doing this awhile now.
One's journey is always different, and individualistic with each relationship we encounter; be it intimate, play, or a friendship. Each one has its own path to journey down and we learn with each person we touch or that touch our lives. I believe we can learn from these relationships, sometimes to better ourselves, sometimes to simply learn what does or doesn't work. Either way, we learn, do we not?
i am not willing to relocate, let me be honest about that upfront and don't think You can change my mind, You won't be able to.
i have very distinct thoughts on who i am, and whom i wish to be with, when i'm ready to be collared again. I expect anyone i converse with, play with or one day am collared to, to be drug and disease free. Be real, be an adult. i do not suffer fools or dominants that have to puff their chest out to prove Him/Herself to be dominant. More often than not, a quiet dominant that speaks occasionally is more real than the one that boasts about how dominant He/She is.
Want to know more...send me a message, but don't be offended if it takes up to a week or so to get back to you. i do have responsibilities and activities that don't include sitting and responding to emails all day long.
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The holidays are finally over. A new year to start, a new time to look forward. A new beginning for so many, including myself. i start this year single again, surprisingly though it doesn't really bother me. Being single isn't a bad, it gives me time to learn more about myself. my search for that One out there, isn't over, not by a long shot. my most recent experience, short as it was, taught me leaps and bounds that what i have been searching for, who i thought i was, who i want to be, are all realistic views and goals. i learned that i definantly have what it takes to be the slave i have always dreamed and fantasized about. i've learned that i can let go of some of the seriousness that comes with that though. And that has been incredibley freeing for me. i can tend to be way to serious at times, and we all need to let go and truly just have fun, no repercussions, no threat of disappointment or of breaking protocols. i have found that i really like to 'fight' at times. *grins* i enjoy the battle of being taken down and 'forced' to do some of the simplest, stupidest things, but ultimately, once again, its having that distinct feeling of control, tangible and yet fun, but always comforting. i have found that what i seek is a reasonable goal, that it isn't out of bounds to ask and quite frankly, expect certain things in a relationship with someOne.
All of this has i believe, enhanced who i am, deep within, allowing more of that complex person, to come out and let go of the inner chains we all have, that hold us back from really reaching out and grasping what we ultimately want. my journey in life, particularily this lifestyle, is far from over, far from done. i look forward to the new year, new beginnings, new firsts, new joys, laughters, fun. New people to meet, new discoveries, new pursuits. i wish everyone the same and may, we all, one day, if we haven't already, find what will balance us and bring us the ultimate peace and completeness and happiness.
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For so long, I’ve craved and needed and wanted and longed to be able to completely submit to someone. To be able to trust and know that the few major limitations I have would always be considered, that I need to not worry about that, in what my needs push me to seek. It has been so hard to express exactly what that means though. To know what I feel inside and to be able to adequately express that, has been so very hard for me. There is harshness in it, love in it, pain, joy, togetherness, individuality, balance. I think that is what I have searched for all this time. Someone that I can find a balance to all of my needs, wants, and desires. Someone who can see past or figure out a way past certain constraints or limitations, to balance the need deep inside me. One that can accept my contradicting feelings at times, and if nothing else to help me decipher them to understand them better. So I can understand what urges me to seek certain needs, wants, and desires. All this time, I have tried to figure out how to try and express all this in a way that another could understand it. After years in relationships, desperately trying to figure it out on my own and with the help of my partners, has taken One, mere weeks to adequately say in a few short sentences:
“I just want to force you to take everything I want you to take…..no matter what it is, I’m slowly learning that is what you want. You want it to be almost more than you can take…..no matter what the sensation……and sometimes you want it to be more than you can take, and to have it forced on you anyways. Just to show you that you have no choice about what happens to you.”
Many people would be alarmed to have heard that said, or read that particular part of mine and His conversations. But for me, it is so telling of who He is, and how well He learning who I am, what I am, who I want to be, who I crave to be, and ultimately….how. There is no sure fire way or some kind of handbook to being a slave, submissive, bottom, Master/Mistress, Dominant or Top. Each of us search until we find what balances us. Whatever combination that achieves that goal. That is my perception anyways. And when two (sometimes more than two) people find that balance, is when this lifestyle we call BDSM, becomes ravishingly beautiful. Darkly romantic, openly graceful, mysterious yet clear. The balance is shown in many different forms, but it can be seen plainly, even if many of us cannot put words to precisely describe it. But ultimately for me, searching for that Master, that can truly make me His slave in every way. To allow me to give complete, absolute control to, knowing without a doubt I truly don’t need ‘limits’ with Him. To give me the balance, peace, and understanding of myself, is so priceless. Have I finally found that? Only time can answer that question. And one that I hold my breath, afraid if I breathe too loudly it won’t come true and it will all come crashing down around me. But as each hour, day, week, that passes I’m able to take little breaths here and there. As the bond between Master and slave builds and strengthens, my fears dissolve one by one. I can only hope that His does and will do the same, in time. But as we are all fond of saying in the lifestyle, sometimes ‘life happens’ and everything we cling to, hope for, dream to aspire, can crash down around us. So I look to the future with hope, but only cling to today. Because ultimately, isn’t that really what we all have ? Is today, today’s hopes for tomorrow, but more importantly, today’s realizations of love, laughter, pain, pleasure, peace, happiness, difficulties, trials. Each in its own way, just as important as the others. But the bottom line is that is today, and tomorrow’s, should tomorrow be granted to us, can be similar, but never the same, never less, but always possibly more if we embrace it in a way that we can learn and cherish each day we are granted.
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I was just standing outside in the cold air, smoking. (seems I come to a lot of revelations nowadays doing that, lol) And I came to a realization about Christmas. On what I think this time is supposed to truly mean. The celebration of Christmas, comes during a time when it has always been hard to find work, food supplies for that reason, begin to dwindle. The cold seeps into us all, physically, emotionally, mentally. Our minds begin to question our lives, our purpose, our abilities. For many, it’s a time to wonder if we can truly fulfill the roles we have chosen in our lives. To live up to expectations around us. And yet, during this time, the most dismal time of the year. Everything around us is barren and devoid of life, it seems. Wouldn’t it seem natural to question our faith, perhaps in God, in ourselves, question whether we really have the faith to believe in better things around the corner ? I think it would be natural. What is better than having something to celebrate, something tangible to believe in, to see, to touch and hear ? Something to lift our very soul and spirit during the hardest time of the year ? Santa Claus…..St. Nicholas….is that somewhat tangible connection to our faith. No matter if one is pagan, christian, muslin, jewish, buhdist. It seems that Santa Claus is the one constant anymore, that is believed in, by many. And if its not Santa in particular, it’s the time, the holiday ‘season’ that is celebrated. It brings each one of us a light during the darkest of times. During the one time of year when we need to be reminded of our faith, whatever that faith is. To believe there is better times ahead, if we just persevere, if we just hang on that little bit further. We laugh, sing, eat, sometimes even cry. Celebrating those around us, celebrating our faith, connecting with ourselves, having confidence again in our abilities. I wonder then, if it is really a stretch to understand where New Year’s resolutions came about? To commit our faiths, our abilities again, to ourselves. Not just to someone else. But again, a somewhat tangible way to give us that push, that drive, to get through the hard times, believing that relief is coming, whatever form that relief comes in. Be it, warmer weather, opportunity for more work, or even just reconnecting with our faith, whatever that faith is. The Christmas season, isn’t just about Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas, is it even really about the birth of Christ? Or perhaps the rebirth of ourselves during a difficult time when our faith and confidence is tested the most? I wonder…..
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| Age: 42 |
| Vancouver, B.C.,
Canada |
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