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So I am bed bound. Fluid on the knee. Bored already!!! Steroids and pain pills. It`s gona be a long 3 days... ;( |
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This is to my friends who know. My father had another mini stroke. So things are a changing for me. please keep in touch and let me know what is going on with you, hugsss. |
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If I know you please text me your contact number. I lost most of mine,thankyou |
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Headed to Richmond and then back home for Thanksgiving. |
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OK, I think I am ready to start chats to find a new Dom. Mind you, chats. |
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I am so glad the elections are over. Returning to normal. |
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So Sandy did not do much around my area. I want the rain to be over already!!! |
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I am working on my costume for a Halloween party this weekend. I am going as a dark angel. any face make up,or designs will most gratefully be received. |
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I just read a post and responses to that post on another site. The first post was from a Dom who asked if it was ok to tell your sub to lose weight because Dom was unattractive to her. After all the replies,there were too many to read all of them, my question for that Dom(?) would have been, what if she loses a part of her body or has visual damages to her body. Besides the fact that i would walk away, why would i want to be with someone of such a small mind? |
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Headed north for the weekend. |
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I`m processing as well as I can. I have a event to go to this month,I think that will help in a big way. I talk to many people online,but will enjoy seeing them in person. |
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So as usually I am puzzled by some`s behavior. This Dom has kept in contact with me for 4 years. He is married so I`m not interested. Now that I am free,he begs for a meet. i finally agree to lunch,he understands there is no future. so what happens!!! no show...lol....computer doms,i will never understand |
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So I`m finally up and running. woohoo |
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Trying to type on my cell. No computer for a few days |
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I had a difficult night. going to be some difficult days too |
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So CK was not a good time. i torn my knee and have had surgery. I am working on losing weight.
This summer won`t be great,but i`m planning on going camping. |
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I`m very excited. My Sir and i are going to Colonial Kink. i have been to other events,but not with Sir. i just wish His other girl would go. she and i would have a blast,plus she would keep Sir company while i am doing my volunteer duties.
so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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my desktop died and all i have is my notebook. i didnt have wireless!!! a good friend gave me a wireless router and i`m up and running. happy days!! |
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Honestly, i`m so glad the holidays are over. so stressful. i`m headed go to go play with a baby for a couple hours. my GF needs some sleep..lol.
i hope everyone has a Great day!!! |
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I am so happy!! My New Years was AWESOME....family and friends... |
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Merry Christmas everyone!! i am sad to say i wont be spending Christmas with my Sir. i am not sad as He will be having a great time where He will be going!! i will be spending my Christmas with a GF who i`ve known most of my life. In fact , she is my oldest friend. Oldest as in knowing her the longest.
So i send blessed wishes and safe energy to all!!!!
yes |
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so i made it through this last blow out. I`m not really sure if understand what i was suppose to,but i pushed myself past my pride.....so growth step for me. |
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dont know where i``m going |
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wow,just looked at a profile,not here, with milking cow machines..very hot |
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i got to see my Sir. it helped a lot with my depression. i`m trying to keep the energy going. working on switching winter to summer- clothes,probably take a week.
hope everyone is enjoying the weather on the east coast |
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i hope my friends see this and understand.....i`m with Sir and sucking up every min i can..lol...ttytomorrow |
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i`m a happy happy girl..smiling |
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wow in Washington state. i dont think i could live here as the rain would make me sleep all the time but my grbaby and family is here so here i am.
i hope the rest of the world can see the sun...lol |
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yes2 got ► Animal Magic
Be it fur, feather or fin, your magic derives from all that move in harmony with the earth. From the mightiest predator to the meekest prey, all are equal to you. Loyal like the wolf, cunning like the fox, and compassionate as the dolphin, your spirit runs the gamut of intelligence and emotion. The wild places are your domain, and it is there you find yourself the strongest in your animal magic... |
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its late and i cant sleep. one scene keeps coming back into my mind. it was brutal and i love replaying it in my mind over and over. so i guess that is what is keeping me up. of course it only helps my body to stay in readiness. not that i need help there...lol. one thought of Him and my body is ready,my mind has nothing to do with it. |
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hey bacon, turn on your profile,silly... |
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having a shot or two..smiles |
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thank You,thank You,thank You.....giggles did i say thank You...... |
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you know i was a bit sad today. for some reason old valentines were popping in my head. and i hav to admit i miss the flowers. some years i would get 3-4 bunches of flowers. of course that was in vanilla days..smiles. i was thinking which would i take...flowers/vaniila or the L/S. grin, there is no question in my mind. |
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Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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omgs..i need to lose weight....seriously...ok staring the grazing diet today!!! lol thank for talking me through last night..hugss |
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im so surprised. when i woke the next morning after falling,i was ok. i dont kno w what kind of damage it did to my knee. the lowering of the anti-inflammatory is something i can really feel.
trying to get up to DC. |
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i fell again. in a lot of pain. need to be on the road on sunday, if i can walk tomorrow. i dont get it. so much going on. i did met with a excellent Dom today who just might be a great play partner...lol....if i ever walk again..lol...sorry pain meds getting to me. |
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again, i wonder why the Doms that look at me have to live soooo far away???? |
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Thank you thank you thank you....to everyone who helped me arrive home in one piece...smiles. it seems my fella,boss, really really missed me...lol..lots of torn up stuff to clean up today. |
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let me thank the helpful people who have sent me road condition along route 95. please anything you hear about road conditions is helpful....i want to arrive home in one piece,ty |
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if anyone who read this and is on the east coast....im looking for weather conditions...road conditions really. i hav to past through GA.,SC NC....any infor is appreciated. |
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looks like im staying longer than i thought. damn storm up north. i could try and out run it,but i would rather spend that time with family. im just missing my fella,boss, so much!!!! so now im waiting for my daughter to come over and then we head to their new place. be safe everyone |
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in Panama City!!!! woohoo
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so it`s suppose to snow here tomorrow...shakes head. as long as it`s gone by the time i hav to fly out,im good.
my GF is finally getten the time she deserves. i pray that he stays the course. im so happy for her. let it last!!!
me i havnt talked to anyone recently...as in the past 48 hours. im wondering who everyone went...lol. no worries
Happy Holidays everyone be safe! |
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Freaken life ..the fates always work against me. i had a chance to meet with someone and my own body betrays me. just not right |
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i`ve been talken to a few dom. maybe something will come out of them. i`m still amazed at the number of married men,who want someone to submit to them. dont get me wrong,at one time in my life it fit. now im looking for a more personal dynamtic. not a mate,or even a master. more like a Dom. a play partner who i can trust and look to for control. i miss subby joy. |
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my visit to DC went well. and the plumbing was fixed. i received a email,calling me a selfish bitch...lol...ok..so i looked at his profile and sent him my opinion....very unimpressive...
i dont get many nasty remarks and i am always surprised. i will email a stranger if their journal touches me....maybe a supportive note,words of encouragment....it would never occur to me to send a unkind,or abusive email. who in their right mind wants to hold on to that negative energy??
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im up in DC visiting friends... |
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feeling very sorry for myself today. water coming from ceiling to kitchen. was going to DC,but not so sure now...just want to crawl under covers and make the world go away.
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i hurt my left arm this weekend. and yeah im left handed...its very frusrating. one good point..giggles..im going to go get my hair washed. i love that.
i helpped my mom winterize her yard-bringing in plants,planting,diging up plants. not sure why i hurt it this time. maybe helping with the baby and then the yard work i did something to it. dont know..do know i`m not a happy camper..lol. heal already...giggles
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in awhile. not much going on. went to DC and saw friends..it was GREAT. i needed to get away. i know im missing the feeling of being connected to someone. unfortunately,knowing this doesnt make the feelings go away.
i hav found that playing with out a connection is becoming a issue for me. i hav one vanilla friend who is willing to spank me. he and i go back decades,so there is a connection. not the right kind though i think.
im still not ready to start the anything with anyone yet. i desire it but im not ready.
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i had a wonderful weekend,thank you to my friends...last nite was so much fun!!! JCSS rocks!!!!...lol.
on a bad note, a Rabid raccoon attacked a cat barely a block from my house. and the raccoon hasnt been caught yet. so boss will be house bound,again,for a few days...poor boss..and me..lol
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i`ve got such a case of cabin fever,need to get out of the area. road trip!!!
which makes me think of NC, my GF and that makes me want to crawl into bed and not come out.
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this is addressed to TheDungeonMaster
. as i cant respond to you because you have no account. i will here. thank you for the pic and interest,but no thank you. dont like your style of approach.
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i am wondering about my life. i find myself missing the feeling of family and being part of something. not that i m ready for anything new, just wanting to be part of something. iv even thought of going to munches. as much as i dont like doing that. plus that puts me in direct contact with the drama ppl. i dont know....sigh.
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well, one of my rings cut its way through...shakes head...this will definally hurt to fix..sigh
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i guess i didnt make myself understood in my last entry. my confusion was whether to laugh or cry at the absurd notion. sorry for the mix up..
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wow i`ve been approached by a person claiming to be a foreman on a slave ranch. this is a first. i dont know how to feel about it...
he also said i dont hav much on my profile. that maybe true,but if a person looks,i do hav a journal. i think the journal gives a better look at me than anything i could say about myself.
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2 full nights of sleep can do wonders. i feel good. boss is doing so much better,again,thank you all for your support and kind words.
what to do today???
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boss seems to be recovering well. i didnt stay up last nite appling compresses and there is no new swelling...WOO HOO.
i`m feeling much better today,and think i`ll hav ice cream for breakfast...giggles
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Boss is doing soo very well!...i thank all of you who expressed concern for him and me. the swelling is lessening. he is feeling much better, i know because im temped to drug him so he will be calm...lol
for me this time is my time to heal,rebuild trust. my sis is safe and i can use my energy to help myself..
hope everyone has a awesome,safe,weekend
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well, Boss came through surgery ok. the vet put 2 drain tubes in him. the cyst had gotten bigger. lots of compresses and lil sleep in my future!!
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boss is back in surgery. the cyst has refilled.
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i love boss,but i`m about to go stir crazy...lol. he doesnt need constant care,but just enough so i`m tied to the house.with the cone on he needs help just going room to room. he hasnt started trying to use his backfoot yet. can anyone tell me how to keep a sock on a dog`s leg?? giggles.
thank you to all,who hav send him good wishes.
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boss make it through the nite....with me on the floor next to him...giggles. i decided to doop him up today. he needs to b still and quiet fora few days...well, i need him to be so i know he is ok. poor guy,i thinking this may be a result of a accident i had last nov.
i met with a VERY nice Dom today. He was very nice and i am quite charmed. i`m wondering if i want to get involved with anyone at this time. i am planning a trip to see s/o else in the near future also. honestly this isnt where i wanted to be, but i hav to live with it.
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i had a bit of a scare. my puppy baby boy,Boss,had a swelling on his chest. about the size of my palm. the Vet said tumor and they went in to see what was what. we are all relieved to find it was a cyst. he drained it and now he and i hav 2 weeks recovery.
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Boss has a tumor. he goes under the knife tomorrow.
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i have had 2 losses this month. my Gf died unexpected. the anger and pain from that was overwhelming enough. then there was my release. i find it funny. a few of my L/S friends have made the comment that they wouldn't have released me at that time. i understand where they comment comes from,but to embrace that ideal lessen my responsibility for my actions and i won`t do that. i was writing of my GF last nite and the grief overcame me.it was just the grief though, i didnt feel the anger. this ia a very good sign. i believe i am to a point of processing my grief. i hav been held back by my anger at her mom. my rage and sense of fairness over shadowed any grief. i wanted to go down there and hurt her mom. thank the gods for my friends and their watch on me. there was a great chance i would be in jail at this moment if not for them. the rage was so foreign to me,i didnt know how to process it. my dr put me on nerve meds and sleeping aid. so with time,2 weeks or so, i hav been able to give up the anger,well most of it, and move on with my grief.
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i was chatting with someone and was describing my friend who i lost recently. the grief was unbearable. i didnt feel the anger though, something that has been holding me back. im glad to move through the stages of grief. as painful as it is.
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| Exhibitionist / Voyeur |
| 93% |
You Scored as a :
Submissive
Submissive
100%
Degradation Lover
93%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
93%
Masochist
89%
Experimental
89%
Bondage
71%
Sadist
43%
Switch
36%
Vanilla
14%
Dominant
4%
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well, im still in DC. my daughter has found reasons for me not to leave,without asking me to stay. its all good. ive hav a wonderful time. my Grbaby is the most perfect creation EVER.
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im headed up north to see my Grbaby and daughter this weekend. im soo excited!! returning tuesday or later cause of traffic. everyone hav a great ,safe weekend!!!!!!
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i hope to play with a Dom soon. i hav plans with one on sunday..giggles. and maybe one on a boat. funny, i dont even 'do' the sun anymore..lol
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very happy at my daughter`s house..of course it`s only been 2 days..lol...she and i go shoppen tomorrow. played with the baby all day. baby are for the young. GRma has held on all day and will sleep hard tonite..
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living and loving it in Hawaii. great place to visit but not somewhere id want to live. went to the Dole plantation,and a drive around the Island. after my daughter`s wedding there will be more time for sight seeing. bro and his wife going to see volcano sat. i didnt feel like spending the money to walk 3 miles up and 3 miles down. i wanted to just fly over and see it.
got my makeup done for wedding and really like it. might b inspired to wear more oftern now that i know how to do it. fashion has changed so much since i wore it regular. so we will see. just will be glad for the stress of the wedding to b off ppl. Ahola for now
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so i leave for Hawaii on monday. very excited,but not looking forward to the flight. my second time flying not first class. and its a long trip. i am happy to spend time with my GRbaby!! woohoo. so everyone be safe. i will b online,just dont know how much..hugssss
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so i went shoppen..lol. i need 'mom' clothes. and everything i got,with a t-shirt worn underneath, will work. ive got all i need i think for Hawaii. missing my sir and friends,but i think the friend im helpping now is better and i wont be coming back. i like the area she lives in.
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im feeling i am unraveling. whiney and bratty almost. well whiney. bratty if i could, but i wont..:} hopen for a whipping sunday nite. i feel as in a storm...everything whipping around me, loud winds,no control. and noone in control..i know thats not true. just the feelens going through me now |
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i went to my mom`s and had to leave before the snow hit. i`m so glad to b home.
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woo hoo..got my truck!!! finally. but they forgot the bedliner..come on..i`m over it. tomorrow i will be looking to b made happy.
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i`m watchen the new Star Trek movie on ondemand.
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wow i didnt realize i hav soo many blocked. i dont even remember why. i`m sure it was with good reason, am still amazed though.
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damn missy is sleeping. i need her to put a new ring and ball in. they say duct tapes is a handyman`s solution,and it`s mine too. lol..got the ring duck taped so it wont fall out...giggles
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yesterday was rough. so sore. i think my tummy was sprained..lol. it`s raining so i will b working inside today.
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well, boss and i just had our first wipeout...lol..ouch. he was doing so well. but nature is strong. he needed to poop and stopped to do that. did i mention i was on a bike? with a extended leash? attached to him?..lol...yeah, the bike stopped with boss,me i had to slide down the road abit...lol lucky for me, i`m a biker chick and know how to go down. unlucky for me, i`m a lot older and it still hurts.....lmao. i see a lot of tylenol in my future.l |
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ok now i`m bored.... it`s killing me!!!! there is no one to talk to or play with online . pouts....ok missys up..i go talk to her . |
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i`m so pissy i cant stand it...i hate sub drop!!!!!!!! |
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i dont want to grow up!!...dont get me wrong, i can pay my bills and be responible. but i dont want to be serious and stressed. let ppl who enjoy that do it. |
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i met a beautiful girl tonite. i hope to make her my friend. she is sexy and smart..nice combination..giggles
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i had a wonderful time at M/s conference. meeting new ppl and seeing old friends. sadly i didnt forfill a task set to me by Sir and will b punished for it. the disappointment and stern manner that Him has used since i told Him is breaking me.
hav a good week!! |
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i`m headed to DC tomrrow for thr M/s conference..WOOHOO. lol my first time andi`m sooo excited!! |
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this is suppose to be me-
VIRGO (The One that Waits)
Dominant in relationships.
Someone loves them right now..
Always wants the last word.
Caring.
Smart.
Loud.
Loyal.
Easy to talk to.
Everything you ever wanted.
Easy to please
The one and only.
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i fell and went boom. about 1.5 hours ago. my body is really starting to hurt. now i had been spanked and beaten 4 times since saturday, yet this is hurting more...????WTfudge???? |
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i`m such a happy girl. i got to enjoy sis playing and missy too. big step for sis...im proud of her
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so this weekend is slowly getting here. i`m soo excited. 3 days of bliss. sis willl be here soon and then it`s on!!!! Sir is going to b pushing both our limits. i`m looking forward to growing. |
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HOME!!!!!! i`m sooo happy to b home!!! i had to go to with my GF to help her with some family concerns. it hurts to see anyone i love in pain, so it was a very emotion trip. but needed to get done. i`m HOME!!!!! |
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after thinking about my experience yesterday, i think i can describe it best like this. my world was like a TV acid trip. you know how on TV the acid trips hav elongated lights, and ppl in the vision of trippers are distorted. that was where i was. it`s never happened to me before, i didnt float over my body or anything like that but that is the best way to explain it. here`s wishen on another visit there..gigggles |
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this is my last post of the day. Sir worked this girl over soo well. the style is different from what i hav had, and today i was totally overwhelmed. i subspaced to a brand new level!! i dont remember how i got there exactly,it takes a few days to do that, but i swear i left my body in a fashion. i`m still trying to find the words that can express where i was.
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i`m sooo excited. i got a storage unit for my excess stuff...lol. of course i noticed the wonderful metal ceiling supports.. weg. time to start moving my stuff!!! |
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tomorrow W/we all go bra shoppen!!! i`m very excited. i love to help friends with feeling sexy!!! the look on their faces when they see how good they look and that sexy bras can be comfortable is priceless |
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M and i went to a housewarming for mysty this weekend. it was ok...i love her townhouse
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i got my cell back..cartwheel....happy dance...LOL |
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sooo today has been interesting. i went to the Dr. and when i came out my tire was flat. i mean flat ,flat ,flat. AAA came out and changed it out with the spare. but...it seems my tire was puncture on purpose. i talked to security and they said i was the second person to hav this happen too. the other person was a tall woman also. great...... |
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WOW what a weekend!!!! ..giggles. dont ask..giggles. the room was nice and had plenty of space. W/we played and ate,went shopping. Sir lets me look at 585 shoes and 400 and something outfits....giggles ..His words..LOL. the only thing that could of made things better was if my sis was there. sigh..she was missed the whole weekend.
poor Sir..lol..sitting in a chair,watching me trying to figure out what to wear to the party...giggles. clothes everywhere!!! i finally choose my sparkle corset and black skirt. i got to wear my hooker heels!!!!!!! you can see them in my pics!! they were perfect with the outfit!!!...lol and i still wasnt taller than sir...that is sooo nice. i dont mind when men are my height or shorter,but it is nice to feel small next to Sir...
W/we arrived at the party,and made O/our entrance..giggles....it was sooo good to see old friends. i miss them. after all the introductions were made, Sir settled in to a chair. there was a lot of chatting and some play. i had hoped Sir would play with me ,but the nite just didnt go that way. W/we watched a subby being flogged and dragontailed. the top doing it has a way of making you scearm and laugh..so it was very entertaining..lol..then she got loose from the waist down. she body slammed the top!!! he fell back and put a hole in the wall..LMAO
it actually looked like a butt print...lol...that didnt stop him though!!! after he was done ,everyone has a good laugh.
more later...
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to tired to write about weekend,look for more tomorrow.nite |
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woo hoo..DC here W/we come....be back sunday. hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!
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i`m exhausted...i`ve run to the store 3 different times and still dont hav everything...sigh. tonite is hair and nails.
i`ll b glad when W/we are on the road and anything i missed ...well, too bad. and AC!!!!!! lol |
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ok today is all about drama!!!..lol...at 7 o`clock it will be friday. the end of my diet. i told Sir to expect a text at 1201am...lol. i was mistaken in that i thought W/we had 2 cokkouts to go too. so saturday is free...giggles. i hav some great thoughts on what to do..weg.
i soo excited about this weekend. i`ve notice that i`m having a hard time in the morning,shaking sleep. even though i am excited, there is a stress factor in me. and i`m wondering if the sleepiness is a side affect.
i cant wait to be in
DC with Sir!!! to hav His attention for the next 2 days..WOOHOO |
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ok sooo i might hav been a bit dramatic yesterday..a bit....smile. but i didnt know i was on a 'diet' till the end of the week. hav i mentioned how patient i am?? no??? cause i`m not!!!!! my type of personality is not good with denial. made worst by the fact that becuse i cant , i want too MORE. sorta like when ur car breaks down, all of a sudden you hav a 100 places to go and ppl to see...lol. well, i just need to see one person....weg...
hmm maybe i`ll say no to Him this weekend..........na..lol...i can talk big but know i couldnt ever say no. sigh |
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this will b a very long week. no play or nothing for this girl till friday....pouts and thinking about a tantrum...giggles. add to that Sir`s contuining teasing and talking about next weekend and i`m about to burst !!!!!
so unfair...lol...and the rings only increases my torment. Sir seems to take delightful pleasure in my pleas.... i want to throw myself on the floor and cry!!!!! |
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i am soooo very excited about next weekend. i`m headed to DC for a cookout and then L/S party. with SIR!!!! we are bringing a friend who is a puppy and she will b in full puppy mode!!! Sir is excited with having a puppy to play with over the weekend. He has suggested that He will put me in puppy mode too. giggles, i dont know about that as i hav never tried it. i`m just glad that He is having fun with it. His mind is really working on things to do for the weekend. i lov the way His mind works...giggles..it`s always fun!!! |
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so i got B `s surprise in the mail today. of course i couldnt wait to tell her. she wanted to know what it was but i kept my mouth shut..for the first time..giggles. sir arranged for all of U/us to meet for lunch. i tried to get her to look at the corset at the table...lol... she wasnt having any of that...so we ran in the bathroom and she tried it on. it`s her first corset and she wondered if it was supposed to b that tight...i just smiled . she is all set for a L/S nite!!!!
this lunch was the first time for all of U/us together. Wwe had sooo much fun..giggling like silly girls... i told Sir that if we were babbling to just let us know. He smiled and said' no problem' and watched us laugh at that. i could see He was pleased how well she and i get along. B is a wonderful,sweet kind,beautiful person and i`m sooo glad Sir introduced us. it made me proud to see Him happily watching us. |
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i`m posting this without permission from a profile here. if he doesnt give permission i will delete it ,but it was so well worded.
The power exchange begins in the mind. The heart and body will follow naturally. The physical acts of submission are nothing more than reflections of what the mind has resigned itself to. -capturethemind
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ok..i`ve got pics of my piercing. but just friends please.. if i dont know you you wont see them!! |
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OMGssss Sir is going to the L/s party up in DC with me!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am hopeing His other girl can go as well. ok need to calm down...and start making lists..lol |
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sigh..and smile....after working myself up all day yesterday. trying to b good and not a nut case. i finally wrote Sir. i explained how it was driving me crasy,almost ill, i went on and on. i didnt expect a answer last nite, but this morning i got one...shakes her head...soo simple...giggles..." your growing".....LMAO
i hav considered my thoughts on these rings compared to my new rings. if you can find the post when i got my ownership rings i go on and on. they meant a lot to me. and i `m grateful for what i learned having them. theses ring are totaly different. they are mine. my decision to get and my decision as to who put a lock on them. my choice to give up control of their use. this is different for me. i feel like i`m giving a part of me,opposed to something being taken. every Dom`s way is different, i realize that. Him`s way makes my thoughts more submissive. my submission is just a natural reaction... how smart is that?????!!! thank You !!! |
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today totally sucks!!! i`m such a weanie. one day...one day and i`m all out of sorts and feeling alone. Sir was wonderful as usual,but not texting Him made me feels awful. damn that happened fast. i`m wanting to throw a tandom. throw myself to the floor and cry. kick and yell ...lol..hold my breath.
really though i feel like throwing myself on the bed and sobbing.
the piercings are doing fine, still a bit sore. i love having them. my X had put some on me and they reminded me of what i am all the time. i like staying in that mind set,not that these are ownership rings,but more submission rings..... hmm make sense?? |
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so i`m feeling pretty good after sleepen all day..lol. still slowly sitting down but not in pain any more. Sir was great today!! i am not surprised,but it always feels good when He calls and extra calls are GREAT!!!
one sad note..my cell is broken,so i`m using a loaner that isnt a keyboard cell. so i cant text like i`m used too. while today i was out of it, tomorrow it will drive me crasy!!!...
i cant wait for the rings to heal. Sir has told me of some ideas He has for the rings..i `m soo excited. |
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ouch ouch ouch...just sitting down. im soo happy. the piercing went well. thanks,hugs and love to my wonderful girl friend,she made the experince painless....well, mostly....giggles. i was in subspace..lower level.. afterwards but Sir took care of me and sent me flying!!!lol... thank You soo much Sir for being there.sis,hugs to you!!! thank you for your support as well,you being there helped. it was a great day all around. today, i`m very sore and well, with the weather, i`m taking the day off. hav a headache most of the day so far but this is sleeping weather soo not a issue..giggles. soo nitie nitie till later. |
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i`m sooo excited!! i`m getting labia rings tomorrow!! i hav missed having them, but wanted to make sure that new ones wouldnt hav any connection for me to my old owner ring. i asked Sir to pick out new the new ones. so i`m ready and very excited.
Sir`s new ringtone on my cell, isnt helping my 'excitment' levels....hmmm i wonder if he did it on purpose?? lol
OMGs, i found pics of me before i started caring for my father. wow it shows the weight i`v put on. that`s one way to get me moving..lol |
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never did get a answer to my question of last nite. hmmmm. i`m looking forward to a party next weekend. i`ll b going to DC and seeing friends!!!!! i`m truely hopeing Sir is able to come. it would b O/our first public appearance.
i am in need. with the holiday coming up, i dont think that need will gets fulled. sigh...i cant help it!!! gods i`m so constantly 'excited'. |
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good gods,it feel sooo good to be back...lol. i was down for a few days and i hate that. today biked with boss and got all kinds of things done early. that said i dont know what to do with myself tonite. giggles i sent a few texts to Sir,giggles, worded carefully.
i`m wondering if it`s because He is closer to me that my sexual/mental tension is greater? it makes sense i guess, to know He is or could be right around the corner. i find myself disappointed if i dont hear from Him daily. that is new for me. and surprisingly, it doesnt bother me. i can remember when it would hav upset me to need that. so am i being a better sub or do i trust Him deeper?? |
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sings'oh what a beautiful mornin,oh what a beautiful day'...lol.... |
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i just found out Sir`s birthday is soon!!!! omgs omgs....i dont know what to do..LOL. i feel like i should b doing something!!!!
everytime i see Him, i thank the Gods that He sees something in me that He wishs to help grow. that i did something at some time to deserve His attention. after confessing a fear to Him and coming out feeling better, i took another step and expressed how a couple of things that happened when i was with Him affected me. yes this was a test. in fact it`s the last test i hav for none has pasted this one. He listened to me and HEARD me. i had to explain why i debated telling Him. i`m overwhelmed by Him yet again. He understood and had no problem with what i said.....i am in AWE of this man!!!! |
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so i went out last nite. me and a subby GF. we had a blast!!! then Sir showed up...after our 4th(?) shot....lol....2 giggling girls but He seemed to enjoyed Himself. W/we met up at my house afterwards and enjoyed the nice weather..blush.
this mornin has been interesting..lol..first woke up cause my cramps were soo bad, then my cell wasnt worken right, and then my dog cage for boss is gone...LOL ok.. can i roll over and die now..LOL. well, my cell fixed itself,a GF has a extra cage, now ifen i could fix the monthy thing!!!!!! lmao.
hopeing everone has a better mornin and a great day. did i mention i`m a lucky girl?? I AM!!!!!lol |
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i had a great time in richmond,ty KC4Y.
i had some thoughts that i wanted to share with Sir,but was frightened by the act of sharing them. the fear of being misunderstood or worst, made it very hard to put into words for him. so i wrote it out in a email....lol. of course i wasnt sure the email made anymore sense than i would hav in person. i`m a VERY lucky girl..giggles. He not only understood ,but was very pleased with my openess and honesty!! He amazes me everyday..lol. |
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i`m headed to mom`s this day. time for yard work and such.
i hope to get some play time in while i`m there. maybe help me figure out what is up in this brain of mine....smiles |
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a very weird thing happened tonite. Sir asked if i was ready to perform a act that i consider very intimate. it surprized me. caught me off guard. i started crying after W/we had talked. i didnt understand why. i`m a cry baby once a month...smiles. i`m confused by my reaction. i talked with a GF (thanks hun) and she helped. i`m confused as to why i`m confused. i guess i need time to process.
Sir came by to replace the AC to find it wasnt broken. the ppl who put in the heater disabled the AC unit...shame on them.i`m soo lucky to hav a Sir like Him. |
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ok.so i`m watchen the new show,Merlin, and they hav changed everything..lol.
what a beautiful day was today. i put the hamock up for my dad, but he didnt use it. so i layed down. i had the most delicious daydream... Sir on the hamock watching every girl He has every cared for dancing around the Maypole for Him. we are laughing and each of us,as we past in front of Him, doing something to catch his eye! He is relaxed and laughing at our silliness. everyone was having a great time!!....then my fella,boss, jumped on the hamock and we went for a bike ride...lol. |
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sitting here, and for some reason really missing Him. today He gave me a surprise visit. after His call to let me know He was coming, i raced to to get ready....lol..i havnt raced in a long time. every time W/we talk i am surprised at Him. He tells me what He thinks on something in my life and i laugh and agree. He never preaches or assumes He knows. He always listens.
when W/we talked today,something was said about Him letting go on me. i think that is what is creeping in my mind....weg. i want to feel that, Him letting go...it scares me to no end,but i get goosebumps just thinking about it. His way is different from what i`ve experinced. today,He spoke words to me that sent me spinning. i hold what He said close to me. and hope to hear them again. |
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today wasnt as hot as they predicted..!!! i was given a special treat today. i saw Sir!!!!. He is so kind with His time. i know He always has somewhere,something to do,yet He always seems to know when He is needed. He wasnt upset at me either for my feeling yesterday. i expected a "whoa up there girl". but He seems to understand. even when i said 'i`m really not like that!!'. He just smiles at me. of course for some reason when He does that, i blabber on till ....well, not sure what stops me..
anyway, i was thinking about how i didnt see myX for weeks at a time. yet now i giggles like a lil girl to know He is on His way over. shees...lol |
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it`s only to be HOT>>HOT>>Hot. today. sigh and the AC is broken. as i type this i hav 3 fans blowen on me and computer...lol. and it`s only noon!!! i`m thinking of going to the movies in the heat of the day. wish i was on a Harley..giggles.
i`ve thought about my feeling yesterday. i`m feeling soo bad. how ungrateful. sigh... |
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i know i`m getting spoiled. i am sitting here thinking about how i havnt heard from Him much today.<<shakes her head>> sooo selfish. |
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yesterday evening was really hard. i got home and felt empty. i felt the same way this morning. Sir called and came over, He said i wasnt myself. needless to say,after some chatting and some private time, i felt sooo much better. W/we decided on a few things for me to focus on for the day and more things in the future. i tell so many to not look at the big picture, cause it`s overwhelming and was doing it myself....lol. i`m such a lucky/blessed girl. Sir is helping me in soo many ways. i feel like He gets the short end of the stick. He deserves the best,but gets me with my life. i only hope that whatever i do for Him..i can do it twice as well. |
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i got to see Him today too!!!!! giggles all the attention is going to my head...lol. no not really but it has been nice. to talk or listen to someone who gets me. to ask questions and get understandable answers. to look to someone for opinion and to get that..His opinion. not someone who wants me to agree with him because he stated it.
it weird, i feel totally free to b me yet totally safe -knowing that He really is only a text/call away,and no matter what i hav to say He hears me. thank You again Sir.
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how do i explain how lucky i am?? i texted Sir to ask if the AC has a reset button. after a few texts back and forth,He said He would b right over. He looked at the unit and it needs to b replaced. He was over here in no time.
Sir is always there. i`ve never felt this protected. all i could think about the whole time he was here,and even now,is how can i repay/please/do for this man. i feel so small next to Him. yes,He is taller than me,giggles,but in a different way also. i know a lot about many "manly things". i listen to everything He says and there is no BS involved. He knows more than i ,of course, so trusting myself and mine to His hands holds no fear for me. i`m searching myself to see how deep this trust is. i am amazed and blessed. thank You Sir!!! |
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so i talked with my mentor and he is ok with my use of his name. i was leary as i did not want him to be bothered by unwanted emails. He laughed and is not worried. my mentor is Va1master. he is wise and kind,very goodlooking..a great listener and helps this girl find her own answers to in her own time. what a lucky girl am i |
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well CM wont let me show my wares..sigh...ok...the web site wiil b up soon. hav a great day!! |
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i hav more good news!!! i hav found a mentor!! He is kind, handsome and very wise. He has already proven himself capable of handling me in a emotionally crisis. i look forward to deeper levels of my submission. i`m excited!!!! woohoo!!!..lol |
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well, i`m happy to report I`m in the store!!!woohoo!!! it took longer than i thought. man,do i hav alot of inventory...lol. the store is called 'Mr.D`s'. the website isnt up yet but hopwfully soon. i`m posting pics of my displays here and hope all the locals will come by and check out my stuff as well as GREAT prices on leather and sex inventory.
i want to give special thanks to my mentor and friend. without you, i never would hav done it. Your support has meant so much....giggles, think i would need some more..hugssss |
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it`s been a interesting,sad,emotional week. heartbreaking and well as learning. i hav lost respect for one, but hav gained insight in myself.
i gained new insight. i know where i wont go....not anytime soon at least. i`m happy to say i hav someone who is giving me many things to ponder. ideas as to where/what i might explore. a safe sounding room with no judgments. |
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she has come and now is gone......sigh. i miss her already. the most perfect GRbaby. the house seems sooo quiet.
time to recharge...lol. and clean house ...lol. find what my daughter left and send it to her.
she and i even had a good visit,no fights!!! first time...
p.s. thank you to all who wrote and said i didnt look like a GRma..giggles and hugsss |
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WOOHOOO!!!! one more hour and my GRbaby is here!!!!!!! |
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hmmmm...i`m begining to think someone is pulling a joke on me. i checked and my age is on my profile,yet i get emails from Doms who are way too young. mommy issues??? i dont do mommy!!! |
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i had a wonderful time last nite....after working all day and nite cleaning my mom`s house....gota lov family!!! kinkycouple i cant thank you enough. you truely are a Master. i hope to serve You again one day..hugss to Your house!!! |
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i`ve got a confusing problem. my X wants to see me. i dont know what for. last time W/we spoke it wasnt nice. i`m leary of being in his present. the power he has over me,scares me. how can i b so strong yet such a mouse? |
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FYI----- my chat doesnt work. i cant even get into chatrooms either..sigh |
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had a pretty good day. went shopping with my shoe buddy. she found 4 pair!! i`m jealous!! i only found one pair. i really need to take inventory of my shoes...shakes her head.... i`ve lost count of what i hav...i`ll start with summer shoes... i think i need to tie a rope around my waist in case i get lost...
p.s. omg..southpark was too funny. the dog whisper !!!!!..LMAO |
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ok so i`m tryen to set ip my new cell. urggggg!!..i`m over it...lol. back to the store in the morning..for now ice cream...lol |
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well, i got home to more bad news. i failed one of the skill tests. i`m challenging the score as i could pass that skill with my eyes closed and ing the dark...smiles.
went out last nite, had a great time. it was nice to just relax and enjoy. sometimes surprises are good...lol.
i hope everyone is getting out in sun and soaking up some vit.D. looks like rain is coming back..sigh. well, i`m headed out to play in the dirt...giggles...and plant something!!! |
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well, this has been a very long week..smiles. emotional also. i really hate it when ppl see evil intent involving me. shees..i dont hav that long a attention span!!!! i`m on the last part of the trip. thank you KC4Y as always the visit was GREAT. and please thank Your girls,they were all very kind to me...hugsss |
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well, i did my retest..sigh...i`m not sure how i did..plus they were training new testers. so i figure they are knitpicking...just what i need...more pressure!!! headed to DC..later |
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so the Recent Journals is highlighted...i looked through them. seems like a lot of subbies and DOMme. lol guess the DOms dont feel like sharing...lol..what ???...LOL |
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sigh..hear we go again with the rain....
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I`M HOME!!!!! lol....long weekend. fri to fri...lol i had a wonderful time and want to thank kinkycouple4u for a awesome time. You are something!!!!! my mom & pop are set for the time being. looks like i`m headed to DC in a week. |
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hope everyone`s week is going well. i havnt gotten home yet....lol...gotta love family |
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i was to express my thankfulness to the wonderful ppl i met in Richmond this weekend. thank You for everything!!!! the experince was awesome, and i hope to see youall next trip...or possible this week,if i end up staying.
hugssss yes2
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looking forward to this weekend!!! |
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god, i love thunderstorms!!!! |
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Good wonderful morning!!! i picked up my Dad this morning..woohoo!! he is glad to be home,and is going to take better care of himself! again thank you to all my friends who sent warm wishes. |
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thanks to all who hav sent their good wishes for my dad. i will know tomorrow if the meds are doing their job. i hav a good feeling about his recovery. just wish the weather was better...i`d go out and wear my new shoes...lol |
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what a long nite. my dad has pneumonia and is in the hospital. so i might not be going anywhere this weekend. sigh.... |
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shakes her head, i really shouldnt read stories like i do....sigh. as the urge builds, the need grows. i dont know why i do this to myself. maybe some need of depriving myself???..lol..no. i`m just a bad girl...weg. |
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just a reminder..i`ll be out of town 27th-29th. sooo everyone hav a good weekend!!! |
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well, i`m a very lucky girl. i had a great date last nite and a good friend took me to Outback for dinner tonite. i want to take a moment and tell my friends how blessed i am to hav all of you in my life. All of you make life so joyful....THANK YOU.
in a personal note....i realized i miss attention. i`ve been stay home and missing out on meeting new ppl. i had forgotten how much i like flirting and the intrique of f/m interaction. i`ve remembered what it feels like to be a woman for the first time in a long time and i like it!!!!!...lol .... |
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i went out last nite. i met a interesting person. the music was loud,the place was crowded, but i`m intriqued!!! |
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Happy Steak and BJ day,everyone!!! |
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what does everyone think if this CRASY weather??? my boy`s coat doesnt know whether shed or grow!!!
i`m gearing up for new shows. and working on getting my web site up.
a lot of changes coming up...some are good...smiles. |
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will be looking for friends at Crucy saturday!!! |
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well, i`m off pain meds. the past couple of weeks are a bit hazy. i hope to be cleared for biking this week.
FYI- i will b at the Crucy for the yard sale this weekend. i`m displaying my L/S jewelry for the first time!!!!! come buy or just give me input both are appreicated. |
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thank you to all who sent good wishes. i`m home now and recovering well. this was my first experience with surgery,it was quite frightening. soon Bosse and i will be biking and romping like normal. again thank you to everyone |
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notice- i`ve been in the hospital. to thoses wondering where i am...i`ll be back soon...hugs |
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i wonder about myself sometimes. one day i feel i know myself then the next i think i dont know who i am. i want so badly to please this One but it seems the harder i try,the more i mess up. is this 'dealing after the honeymoon'. it feels so much like work now. when did that happen? |
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too funny..people`s court had a case on nonpayment for a dungeon.LOL |
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i`ve been told to list my needs. god where to start...... |
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looking forward to a party this weekend. think i hav a drink...or two!!! lol.
i hav been watching quite a few shows talking about 2012. it is supposed to be a time of "big change" for the earth. i wonder what kind of changes are in store for me??? |
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the weather and my day are the same...nasty |
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trying to smile through my tears |
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well, this weekend didnt turn out like i tought/hoped it would. i wish Him the best. and am broken hearted at the outcome. i hopefully will understand exactly what happened ,one day. |
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headed to DC!!! back next week |
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i sometimes wonder at myself. do i know/understand what i am doing???
my fella ,his name is Bosse..sounds like Boss, is working out wonderfully. he is learning hand signals. he did get lost last nite. he found a hole in the fence and couldnt find it to get back home...lol. i found him in another`s yard at 1130 at nite....lol. he is soooo wonderful!! |
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i got my fella!!!!! wooohoooo. after losing noble last year ,i didnt know if i would ever be ready for a new dog. i`ve known this lab since he was a puppy. due to a crowd problem at his old home, they agreed his life would b better with me!!!! correction, he is a cream golden retriever. i`m sooo happy. |
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this week is a busy one with school. i`m not accepting any offers to chat till next week |
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wishen E/everyO/one a safe and happy
Thanksgiving!!!!!!! |
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ok now i`m on the road!!!!..lol hav a safe and great weekend |
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if i havnt emailed with you..i`m not going to chat |
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i`m trucked...lol...finally after much searching i got my truck!!!! |
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nothing cheers a girl like a new pair of heels- check them out!!! |
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so under threats of being dragged out, i went to a L/S party last nite. thank you to my friends. i had a very good time. the ppl were very welcoming. i guess you could say i was a spoiled girl ,i recieved a beating and a message. i wore the dress i had bought for my DOm and recieved many many compliments on it. that is always good for the soul,at least for this soul...smiles. i guess i`m on my way !!!!! |
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as i hav said...thank you for all your offers to talk ...but talk isnt what i can do just now. i`m not looking and want to b left alone . |
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to answer the question..no i`m not any better. no i dont want to meet...yes leave me alone |
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thank you for all the emails. please right now i`m hurting and need some space and time. |
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i hav come to the sad understanding of just how powerful emotional blackmail is. i used to call it drama, but now see it for what it is. it feeds a need in some men. i find that sad. life is hard and at times everyone needs to b picked up but i wont deal with the emotional immature. if everything can knock you down, it`s time to spend your energies making yourself a strong more flexible person. i dont hav to be with someone. i choose to to care and put my energy into a relationship. hopefully that relationship makes me a better person, helps me to grow and be a better sub ,in turn my Sir is served better.
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new dress, new makeup, new shoes, all dressed up and i`m going home!!!
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HEADED FOR SIR`S HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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i recently experienced a day of deep depression. a friend suggested it was sub drop, but i havnt played in weeks. My Sir had been gone ,out of touch, for 2 weeks. i was excited for Him to return, but knew i wouldnt see Him right away. the day after He returned, i woke up sad. the sadness increased as the day went on. my friend expressed the idea that it was a 'drop' from the excitment of Sir coming home. i believe that has some merit. i had some other issues going on in my world, so maybe it was a combo of things. |
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soo i walk into this bar last nite. some friends of mine were drinking there. A sports bar..giggles..with lots of tall men. i dont think i`ve seen so many of them in one room!! i played pool for awhile and flirted my way around the room. ohh such fun!!! all that attention is just what i needed. it was strange though....refering to Sir as my boyfriend.
it did bring a longing for a closer relationship. i find i get lonely what with my Sir being a couple hours away. |
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ohhh myy what fun i had tonite!!!!! lots of men and fun...lol |
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headed out tonite for a girl`s nite out...hmmm wonder what trouble i can stir up...he hee hee |
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well, what can i say....after speaking with my Sir i`m better. it is amazing to me how with just one conversation my mood can be fixed...smiles.
my friend had the same respond to speaking with her Dom after she didnt get a answer from Him.
she asked a interesting question that i`d like some input too. Why is it common for a girl to thank a DOm for allowing her to serve, but not the other way around. i`m not asking for specific information, but opinions on the subject. |
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i`m hurting deeply. my trip to see my Sir was wonderful. well, it was till the end. i`m so confused about one issue and hurting on another. i`m tired of drama. |
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oh my gosh!!! i`m so excited. i`m headed to my Sir`s tomorrow!!! i`m trying to concentrate on getting all my ducks in a row,but it is hard...giggles... |
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i have been trying to help a newtotheL/S sub understand what she is feeling with her DOm. i remember how overwhelming the new urges,desires feel. she feels silly at times by her gushing. she wonders if it makes her seem needy or weak. i explain the best i can. all subs feel this way towards their DOm. that the line between devotion and Love is thin. i explained how i am dealing with the same issues. how to keep in check one`s heart and still give all of yourself. i was warned(yes Sir,i remember) and knew it would be hard. so my friend asked"hav you been able to accomplish this"? i just smiled. |
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i wish to thank All who expressed their views on my last post. sometimes my need to serve my Sir overwhelms me. life gets in the way of what we all would love to be doing..smiles. i did get to see Him for a nite. i was surprized how much energy that one night gave me. surprized and gratefully. |
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my chest is heavy. sometimes it just doesnt pay to care. i love my family,but i wonder at what point do i get to hav a life? first i raised my daughter,then caring for my father. i really thought i was getting my life back. it doesnt feel like that now. i`m so depressed. is it selfish to want a life of my own? i know everyone has events in their lives that help shape their path. why cant i figure out mine. |
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I hav had a long week. caring for my mom and trying to get up to see my DOm. when i cared for my dad, i found myself feeling very nonsexual. those feeling hav resurfaced in me. i havnt seen my Sir recently and i am feeling ....discounnected,maybe? i`m not sure. i feel alone for the first time since W/we hav been together. this weekend i should see Him but it will be a busy one. that thought makes me want to tear up for some reason. i feel isolated at my mom`s. limited puter time and i dont have my sites open to me. lol..i`ve talked more on the phone this week than i hav in a month!!!. i know when i`m finally with Him, everything will be better. my chest just feels so heavy now. |
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i wonder how many subs find themselves in my position. i hav a wonderful DOm. so talented and handsome, so very easy to fall for. yet i hold back. i respect and love Him, but wont allow myself to fall in love with Him. it is very tricky. i give myself totally to please Him....there is nothing i wouldnt do, if it pleased Him. it almost upsets me that i`m able to keep my heart in check. if i am..smiles. sometimes it`s hard to tell. at times my heart feels like it will burst,but i tell myself that is the sub in me. so tell me, subs.....how to deal with this.... |
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well, i had my session with the local top. it was great!!..giggles...i think i made Sir proud. W/we hav found a top. thank you all for your interest. hav fun all,yes2 |
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sooo did i mention i was to hav a play session with a local top? well, it didnt happen...sigh. but come wednesday!!!!! i`m a bit nervous. i trust the top, but it has been awhile since i`ve been with anyone else but Sir. mmmmm...weg....Sir...i feel silly at times. His image comes to my mind and i smile or giggle like i`m a lil girl. but it feels good...most of the time. am i babbling?? maybe..i watched a couple of babies today and i feel good and tired....LOL nite all
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my my my What a weekend i had..lol. i had car trouble and luckly my sis came to my aid.i didnt see Sir though and that was very disappointing. We then went to servant retreat. it gave my some skills to help in serving my Sir...cant ever hav enough...smiles.
then finally i saw Sir on sunday!!!! He made everything all right in the world,my world at least. very intense play,blush, that only He can do sooo well. i wonder what hav i done to b allowed to serve One so mindblowing. He makes it easy to place my whole self in His hands. |
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this weekend wont come fast enough!! |
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i`m very nervous. i hav my first playdate tonite. the DOm is very nice and i`m looking forward to it, but i havnt played with anyone else in awhile. |
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i`ve been looking through profiles,reading journals. i find some very interesting. i admire someone who can express themsleves. who can say who and what they are. i still find myself at a loss when asked what am i into,or not into. smiles |
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smiles...well, He has spoken with me and of course i walk away feeling like i let Him down. i dont know how He does that!!! i still feel like i reached for Him and He wasnt there for me,but that is His choice. i feel like i`m missing something. i would like to thank All who shared Their thoughts and advise...thank YOu.
i hope i can feel close to Him again. He has set some goals to keep me busy. |
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i`m having a problem expressing myself. i`m not sure how to give my Sir a understanding of my thoughts without sounding selfish. it is very confusing trying to sort out what r my needs to my desires. because of this i feel soo distant to my Sir. i dont think this block would bother me as much as it is. i cant sleep well, my thoughts are traveling to Him even when i need to concentrate on what`s in front on me. i want to shout out for attention. His communication to me has been limited. i dont know why. it`s hurting though.. |
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i hav been pierced on my pussy lips,one on each side, and Sir placed His lock through them. His rings were very powerful. it is a physical sign of His ownership. at first ,i felt off center. the emotions running through me were overwhelming. after i was back home, i took a mirror and examined His rings. it really sent home was message of being owned. of belonging.
the next time i saw my Sir, He placed a lock on His rings. it felt like time stopped. i was in a daze for days. laughing one minute ,crying the next. funny it isnt till i left my Sir that the pleasure of His rings and lock burst from my chest. the pride i felt of wearing His sign of ownership. that He values His property enough to secure it. i love it |
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i cant believe how much has changed in my life. Sir pierced me. i didnt think it would affect me much. the pain of the piercing was less then my imagination had created. i find wearing panties helps with the feeling of weight that is new. afterwards i was shakey. i couldnt find my center, tearful one minute,joyful the next. i didnt realize the impact it would hav on me.
i went about my life. being careful,very careful, when i sat down. sitting back on my bed i would look in mirror at His rings. i would feel dazed, happy, and a bit scared. this is the first time i`ve had a physical display of ownership. it makes me smile and at the same time, i wonder what hav i done.!!!
i`ll write more later |
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i find it interesting, when i was unattached i recieved many offers to play. i turned down many offers of play. Now that i am looking for just play, my emails dry up. what is up with that? lol |
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there hav been some changes. i am now under contract with a wonderful,fearless DOm. W/we look for a local Top,for play. He has limits to b respected. i`m a very lucky girl for this One to hav taken her in to His household. |
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SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Happy Steak & BJ DAY,everyone!!!!!! |
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feeling very restless tonite. used to be i`d go out, but it`s not want i really want to do. just got cabin fever maybe. i`ve been home a whole week...giggles. |
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i am currently on the road. and puter time is limited. please b patience,yes2 |
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i hope everyone had a wonderful xmas. for me, it is a time for family and a good dinner. we hav no kids in our group for now and that is what xmas is all about. seeing the joy and wonder in their innocents faces....at least for me it is.... btw Happy new year...be safe and hav fun!!!!! |
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i was thinking of where i am in life. i`ve learned so much about myself in this past year. and about human sexuality. i`ve been blessed to have met some supportive ppl on my travels. from newbie to slave,my world has changed in ways i never imagioned. my view of the world has expanded and grown, making me a better person and slave. this is my thanks to all of you, for your patience,guidance and most of all your acceptance,yes2 |
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i wish to express my thanks to all who wrote to me and sent their warm wishes. Noble was my fella. the hole he has left is huge. my hearts cries out for him everyday. thank You all who wrote,yes2 |
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i guess i should tell what has happened with the young man who knows my daughter. He was kind and generous. He said He still cared for her and would never hurt her in this manner...whew..lol. and that is that. many wrote me in fear He would try some kind of blackmail. thank You for Your concerns, but He is a true gentleman and DOm and has no evil intent. |
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my second worst nitemare has occured. i was contacted by someone who knows my child. i hope He understands how important it is to NOT say anything to my child or anyone they know who knows my child . this is very important too me . |
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Noble wont be coming home |
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well, Noble made it through surgery. HHJJ...thank You to all the well wishers...hopefully he will come home tomorrow!!! |
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this entry has nothing to do with the lifestyle. My dog is dying. He has cancer. it came on suddenly. he is my constant companion.he travels with me up and down the coast. too love me is too love my dog...lol..he is so well mannered. this week will be hard and i dont know it will turn out. |
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why dont ppl put where they live?..i mean sure the country is nice but, being able to see if someone is a possible match..a local match is nice. |
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the eyes tell the soul....
the lips tell the heart.... |
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i want to make sure the One who showd me around town knows how grateful i am. the incredible feelings He gave me were overwhelming. thanks to Him i hav experienced a level of submission i never knew existed. thanks to Him i understand myself even more. He is truely a Master every sub dreams of!! |
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well, this weekend was quite a sucess. i met with a lot of ppl. didnt get the chance to see everyone but made a large dent in my list. had a little bit of play. looks worst than it was...lol. |
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it has been a bit since i`ve felt like writing. i went to a BDSM club last nite. the first time. WOW. and WOW again. the DOm who took me was everything a newbie could ask for. a very scared newbie at that...lol. i got to meet some chat friends and 'see' things that blew me away. thank You so much for taking me |
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well, i hav been away from my puter for 5 days!! and Master happened to read my journal. no worries...He laughed. my need to see Him is great. it has been to long. besides my raging horomoes are making me in heat. i hate this time of the month. chololate and sex is all i want!!! lol |
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feeling alittle neglected. Master hasnt talked to me in acouple of days. oh there has been,''quick chat'', but that is it...wondering if it is because i`m pushing a issue. |
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i met with my Master yesterday.OMG, He was a bit rough. not that i`m complaining...lol. He is so sexy.
apparently i was late(?). and He had instructed me to not smoke for the day before and that day. Well, i forgot and smoked a cig in the morning. when He kissed me and smelled the cig,He went off. i had honestly forgot about the 'not smoking' when i slipped up and smoked. i will never do that again.
He always says He will take His time. lol..but His desire for me ,so far, overwhelmed Him. with my ears still ringing from him punishing me, He takes what is His. i cam as soon as He entered me. my need for Him was so bad.
i had mentioned i want new marks to b able to show off. and now i hav them!!!! all over....lol. He is so good to me. i`m still in afterglow...lol how lucky i am to have a Master who can make me feel. feel god,pain and everything inbetween.!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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well i guess you could tell what i had on my mind last nite...he hee. i hav always had a high sex drive. i`m 45 and it hasnt lessened if anything it`s grown. i wonder at women who dont desire sex anymore....it not feel sexy is a terrible way to feel. i went through it for about 2 years..BRRrrr. never again. |
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this distance is killing me!!!! i want His hands on my hips. feel His lips at my breast...as they harden. experince His pleasure. |
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i hope everyone had a safe and good weekend. a friend and i went to a party saturday nite....good friends , lots of food,and laughter.
i`m wondering if i made a wise choice of Masters. not Him but with the distance between us. i found myself lonely this week end. wanting to hav a man by my side. too flirt and make eye contact across a room. sneak into a private place for whatever He wants. lol now i am just making myself excited...lol |
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well, all that mess from my x master is done. he ''released'' me and told me to f*&^% off. real mature,huh. anyway, saw my Master yesterday,wooohooo. He punish me for allowing all that stupid crap to enter our world. i wont b making that mistake again...ouch.
i hope everyone has a great and safe weekend. i hav no plans, gona play it by ear. |
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wow, what a 2 day trip. my x master has tried to make a claim on me. i cant figure out why he is doing this?!?!?! he was long distance ,which is why we spilt, and has not changed. he is putting so much effort into something that is over. his is my first and will always hold a special place but he is being threatening and abusive. he is ruining my memories . |
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a very kind Master fixed my pic and it will b up soon. i hav been reading other journals and they all seem to hav the same problem. no one reads their profile. interesting...
anyway, i thought i `d share my last encounter with my MAster.
when i got to the room, i jumped in the shower,i thought i had 30 minutes before He would get there. i heard a knock,thank god, at the door while in the shower. guess who?!??!
while trying to get dressed my hands shook soo bad. every pair of nylons i tried on had runs in them. i could tell He was getting inpatience and i was really getting frustrated. i`m hooking my 4'' heels on when i feel Him next to me. i froze.He leans into me and asks' what is taking so long?' i try to explain,but i `m so nervous and scared,i babble. He grabs my hair bun and tosses me on the bed. my second heel is not even hooked. i scramble up to the head of the bed, wide eyed. HE comes to the side and releases my hair,as it falls down my back ,his hand strokes my cheek gently. i am grateful for this soft touch and close my eyes ....He slaps me across the cheek getting my full attention. my eyes snap open, as He rips my dress from my shoulders. out of habit i try to cover myself,big mistake, he slaps me again.' dont ever cover what is Mine' He tells me. He pulls me across the bed and takes pics of me. i am so scared...not knowing what He wants from me.Ripping my dress even more He takes more pics...laughing at me and how scared i am. then using the tie backs from my dress He ties my hand behind my back and flips me on my stomach. posing my legs, telling me to push my ass in the air. finally He is done and He releases my hands. i can feel His heat and lust coming from His body. As He ravishes His property, He whispers in my ear of His ownership, of His power and control. Sending His slave into totally heavenly bliss. |
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ok, before everyone comments on my red eye. i thought i had removed it. my puter skills r not very good and apparently neither r my editing skills...lol.
My Master and i r getting along wonderfullly. while the distance between us is tiresome, i thnik it helps keep things in check.well, maybe us in check.....lol
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i hav not been released... |
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it seems i have a 5 month expiration date. at that time He decides that He doesnt have the proper time to give me. "you have done nothing and will b a perfect slave for a deserving Master". so where does that leave me?....up late at nite,unable to eat, and wondering if there is a Master for me.
so i go back to reading emails, trying to wade through the bs. i`m so tired. so shaken and confused. |
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......eyes tell the truth....
........a kiss tells the heart |
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i find it quite interesting how the world turns. i found myself in over my head with one Master,and a perfect fit with another. lol. i am no longer looking,my search is over!!! thank You to all that emailed me. to thoses who i `ve struck up a correspondment with, i hope to continue. i can always be reached at ...yes2nfullcontrol.....yahoo,yes2 |
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thank You everyone who emailed me. i let someone down and feel great shame for that. i can but try and know myself better afterwards,so it doesnt happen again. |
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Well, i`ve been put in my place. maybe i `m not ready for all that i desire. maybe , no , i`m not ready. after caring for my father all these years and not working much,i need to get my life in order. i am still searching, my need for a Master is still great. ooohh sometimes i feel like all i will ever do is search.that there is no one out there for me. but that is defeatism(?) and i will not be defeated by life. |
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well, last nite was great. i have the best time. a lot of ppl showd up. i was either enjoying friends on the patio or listening to the band and cooling in the AC. things got pretty wild. a few ladies from our group danced on the bar,and the dance floor,at times, looked like a a bump and grind feast!!! the birthday girl had a wonderful time and recieved lots of shots...lol. she also gave quite a few,lol. while i`m not the type, there were lots of tops going up and down. depending on what they were wearing..lol it was good to get out and enjoy myself. it took my search needs off my mind for awhile. |
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tonite is the big bash. i hope to maybe see some of You from this site there tonite. let me know who You r if You do stop by. the beach is not far away and i want to try and go for a walk on it . have a wonderful week end!!! |
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tomorrow, friday,27, i will b at a biker bar called BONESHAKERS. it`s at the beach. it`s a M&G for a dating site i`m on. we will b celabrating 2 of my good friend`s birthdays. plus i know the band. lol so if you are out and about stop by and say HI. |
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i am looking for LOCAL,6' or taller DOm/Master. while i appreciate the interest from nonlocals and men who are not 6', my intent is to have a involved relationship with Him. thank you for your time and interest. |
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i was asked what is my attraction to the lifestyle. besides the burning desire to serve, i think to be able to not play games . with vanilla men ,i had to hold back a piece of myself. keeping the finish line just ahead but never crossed. maybe it was my own insecurity that made me hold back, i dont know. in the LS i am not seen as weak for my desires, to submit. to open myself up and be known by a man. |
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i have a question. if You r a DOm/Master why get involved with a vanillla women? maybe it`s my inexperince showing,but doesnt that make for a lot of frustration? i get lonely but i wouldnt want to set up a man to get hurt. which would eventually happen. it is different for DOms/Masters? how? |
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well the emails have slowed. i tried to answer everyone. please dont think me rude, but if You chatted with me in the past 2 days,please send me another email. this sounds so bad but i responded to so many. i`m a bit over whelmed. |
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WOW, i have chatted with so many wonderful ppl today and tonite. thank You all for the time and well, everything . My search has allowed me to meet so many ppl. i am blessed for that no matter where or what happens . please be patience with me if it takes a day or so to get names attached to friends.
i am a very blessed . |
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i must have worded my other entry wrong. i believe that beauty, true beauty is what inside a person. my personal beliefs challenage me to see the true nature of all things. and to find the good in the worst .
to never look under the skin of another would be a lonely way to live. giving a person value based on outside looks means you would miss so much beauty in the world. i am sadden to see ppl who miss the joys of friendship and never have a connection to another because the other isnt 'fine ' enough. how sad. |
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finially, my pic is up.lol thank you. and thank you to all who sent emails. it was very kind of you to take the time. |
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i find myself wondering about appearances. if a DOm/Master dismisses a sub without finding out about her,is he a true real DOm/Master. of course it works in the reverse. is any person who judges based on appearances deep enough to be a true DOm or sub? i dont believe so. now, you might think i`m fat and ugly, i`ve been told that is not true. and as soon as my pics are approved you as be the judge. lol |
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i`ve tried to add to my profile,but it seems to have different ideas about that.lol anyway, in talking with a very nice,handsome DOM he asked if i understood what 24/7 meant. one part of the conversation made me question the reality of such a lifestyle. -i`m at work and my Master calls and wants me home now.-well i would not beable to hold a job for long if i was required to leave.so does that put him in the position of supporting me? i understand such things are worked out before a agreement can be reach,but how could anything but support of sub/slave be acceptable? this would be a hard line for me as i have always been selfsupporting . what about health care, insurance?
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i wonder why some ppl dont put a city in their profile. distance can b a big factor in the begining. i am open about my choices ,but understand the need for hiding them. it is very frustrating in my search for my ONE. |
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i seeking a local DOm/Master. i desire to b a slave, yet hear conflicting stories on their treatment. i fully understand the mindset.my x-Master taught that they were prized possesions.queen of the subs. i am warned by friens that i`ve made to b carefull what you wish for. i wish for control.i wish to serve. i wish to please. |
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i`m so tired of geting my hopes up. looking for 35-59 years old DOm/Master. is that was hard? apparently finding a smart,strong one is. this lifestyle is new,but something i`ve been searching for most of my life. i couldnt understand why my vanilla relationships failed. i do now. they had no skills in controling my mind. so they went to abuse. i`m into pain but not abuse. so i signed up here. hopefully there is a DOm/Master out there that is looking for me,yes |
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