My last journal entry was pretty serious, so I thought I would lighten things up a little bit.

I have had exactly two “experiences” with Doms so far. One of these men is my oldest male friend. The other was a stranger in the grocery store. (The setup sounds a lot kinkier than it really is, trust me!)

My friend is a natural Dom, with the mannerisms, the attitude, and even the Voice. For a while, I thought I was falling in love with him specifically. Now, to make a long story short, I know it’s those qualities in him that ring my bell – and he just loves to tease me about it. The last time I saw him, we were cooking breakfast for his family, and he “ordered” me to go to the fridge and hand him one ingredient at a time. He kept dropping his tone, sounding more and more suggestive: “Come on, girl, gimme that butter.” I was swooning melodramatically, sticking my head into the freezer because he was “making me so hot.” We laughed till we cried, but damn, it feels great taking instructions like that, even when it borders on the ridiculous.

The other time I “encountered” a Dom, I was rummaging around in the produce section on Saturday morning. This Man – and I do mean Man with a big capital M – was also there, putting his big strong hands all over the fruit. He jutst radiated Dom-ness. He made my knees weak. Did I play it cool? Of course not! Silly lonely subby me stared at Him like he was sex personified. Then he caught me staring, and gave me this ... horribly knowing look, all amusement and power and playfulness. I blushed to the roots of my hair and turned around and FLED. I didn’t even have the wherewithal to apologize - or give him my phone number.

I hope (Goddess, I hope!) I will exhibit more dignity and proper subby manners if I ever run into another Dom. Or go to a munch. Or meet Someone from this site. But consider this fair warning, too: if you see a strange woman with a glazed look on her face, staring at one fixed point in the crowd, it’s probably me.

I have mixed feelings about posting on the following subject, but I really think I should ‘represent’ and be upfront. So, on behalf of all subby people on this site who are looking for something serious and special, I would like to invite all Dom/mes to please read and think about what I have to say.

I’ve been emailed by quite a few Doms since I became a member of the CM community. Most of these emails are brief yet polite and deliciously firm – invitations for me to view a Man’s Profile and see what I think. There have been two instances, however, that have given me pause, and I want to relay those specifics (without naming names).

Dom #1 periodically sends me short, blunt, even graphic notes asking me if I know how to submit in various positions and scenarios. If We were in the middle of an actual conversation, progressing towards some sort of next step, and there was chemistry, I would not hesitate to answer such emails. I’d say yes, I do know how to submit, and Thank You for providing my lustful imagination with such nice suggestions (!) But such demands, out of the blue without of any context, honestly strike me as shallow and more than a little creepy. I never answered Him back and I never will.

Dom #2 and I were a few days into a fairly interesting and (for me) promising correspondence. Then I skipped a day, largely because I had a very long and very hard work day, and I did not check my CM email. I got a message from Him saying, and I quote, “I asked you a few questions. Are you going to answer or do you need my big hand across your ass to get your attention?”

I do, in fact, crave a big hand on my ass. But I was taken aback by such a strong reaction after such a brief delay. I couldn’t figure out the tone of this message – was He genuinely annoyed with me that I went to bed one weeknight without checking my CM mail? Was He trying to sound provocative, or amused (either would be fine)? Or was He somehow geniunely annoyed? I couldn’t tell, so I wrote back saying (nicely) thanks but no thanks. The answer I got was: lighten up.

Please understand, I am not a princess and I don’t need or expect to be handled with kid gloves. I do, however, need clear cues when dealing with a Dom I don’t know. A grin or emoticon will do it. But if He means to be light-hearted and leaves out this little hints, I honestly don’t know what to think - especially when He and I have never met or even spoken voice-to-voice.

In the forums, I’ve seen many Dom/mes post laments about the “one percent or less” of authentic subs participating on this site, how many “subs and slaves” are motivated by sex instead of submission. I have no doubt this is a genuine frustration. But there are also many subs here who lay the same odds about finding a genuinely sincere and knowledgeably Dom/me. There is a lot of quiet discussion going on about Dom/mes who appear to (also) be in it for sex, but for control instead of Domination. The bad kind of control, the type that has no focus or awareness behind it—which is therefore a desire for control that can never be satisfied.

I get skittish when an unknown Man comes across as impatient or demanding because I’m not behaving as if I belong to Him. I am happy to give Every Dom/me respect in deference to Their Dominance. I’ll gladly give a little more time, attention, and forethought to dicussions with Doms with Whom I have some familiarity and the chemistry is good. But these few Men are the exception, and I’ll still be saving a lot for the One I want to end up with.

So I would like to request, with a great deal of politeness and respect, that Dom/mes here be more careful about what they post to unattached/seeking subbies like me. Please take just a little time to figure out if We are even nominally attracted to each other, and/or otherwise potentially good fit. THEN, please do proposition me, flirt with me, draw me mental pictures of what You’d like and want if I were kneeling before You. I really will appreciate that, and respond to it. I promise.

What do I want, in my own words, and not in those of Anais Nin? D/s sex, yes, of course. Pin me down, pull my hair, ride em' Cowboy. Yesplease. But that's not the extent of it. Not at all. Out in public, I'd like to be bound to my Master by some innocuous piece of jewelry. Something I could wear in plain view of the whole vanilla world, and have the last laugh as I walk around in my oh-so-typical, commuter-geek-on-the-T costume. In private, I want that actual collar around my neck. I'll kneel for it, whenever I come home and Master is there. I'll kneel for Him with the collar in my hands whenever He comes home and I am there. Just buckle it around my neck. Let me lean against Your thigh after I have it on. Pet my hair and stroke my shoulder. Raise me up by the ring on the front and show me how to demonstrate my gratitude. Just make me feel soft and pliable and ... subby. The rest of what I want? Negotiable, mostly.* It's the feeling I'm after, and every day that passes, I'm more and more amazed at what I imagine doing in order to get it. (*On a scale of 10 being sure-let's-play, and 1 being no-way, I have to say that needles, knives, face slapping, diapers, enemas, and watersports are a negative-3-not-for-me.)