NonkinkDomme

Want to serve? Read this and learn how best to do so. If you don't have this skill, nothing else you offer matters. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/doug-zeigler/fixing-my-wife-when-shes-_b_4697206.html

I've been looking into the tiny house movement, and I really like the idea of living with a very small carbon footprint. I'm thinking going full solar if possible and a garden to supplement food and herbs. I'd need a fully functioning kitchen though. I wonder if anyone out there has a similar goal...

If you think this is all about you and your needs, you're a narcissist and an asshole.

If I find your primary photo vile, insta-block. Food for thought about how you present yourself to all women on this site.

What would make you think dominance = indifference? How does anything I write in my profile suggest that would be my behavior towards a partner? Indifference isn't love. It's fear of being hurt. It's weakness. I am not weak. If you seek someone that's indifferent to you, perhaps it's you that's afraid and weak.

Okay, just because I am open to trying things that doesn't mean I am willing to cater to a man's kinks. I'm fine with "mutual benefit", but if I'm not into anything you are then you're expecting me to submit to you. Not happening. 

For the permanent record, no, I do not like pegging. Get the fuck over it. Seriously, think about it. What is in it for the woman except fulfilling a man's desire to get fucked in the ass? This literally has no sexual benefit for women. We don't have the equipment. It's purely a power thing and that loses luster quickly. What's left? Catering to his pleasure. Oh hell no.

Oh, lookie here. Another form letter. Another for the bin.

"Hello Ma'am. i am a submissive white male, age 46, never married, with no children. i would very much like the opportunity to serve You in person as You describe. i am orally bisexual and i do have a smoking fetish (i enjoy watching Women smoke). i am not a crossdresser as i regard the lifestyle and the choices W/we make very seriously. However i am a Female Supremacist, fiercely loyal to my Mistress, and submissive to the core. my other interests include faceslapping, corporal, GS, foot worship, oral servitude, domestic duties, supervised masturbation, forced bi, cuckolding, and much more. It is my calling in life to serve. i am employed and can relocate within 2 months. Please reply if this resonates."

As I describe? If you read even few paragraphs of what I wrote you'd know this is not what I describe. 

No, I am not interested in someone that is 20 years older than me. I don't care how "genuine" you claim to be. My limit is 46. Deal with it.

On F3tL1fe I was just asked if I could schedule him for "play time" (like a pro-domme), and this was his introduction. Class act.

"Seeking friendship with a genuine Domme" translates to "I'm a married shitheel, and I want to get freaky with someone without emotional attachment." You're an asshole. Go find a spousal cheating dating site, douche, and DON'T bother me.

Signs you're a narcissistic piece of shit:

A lots of guys come to this site like it's a porno with live action "characters" that will talk to you. They don't think about this as using people, but that's what it is. I find it terribly offensive, so I try to shut guys like that down way before "the big finish". Any guy that can't wait to tell me about his kinks or the supposed sexual history that got him here or his current fantasies or even how he wants to pamper me for his own kink factor: I know what he is and what he is doing. He wants me to play along and waste my time so he can get a good squirt. This is no better and probably more common than the women that try to lift money from men here, but it's the biggest scam of all... and it may actually be hurting feelings.

For the record, this is the only dating site I'm on, and I'm actually here to meet someone real, so wasting my time means I'm alone for just a little longer. Do you think I deserve that so you can get off? Try to think about something other than yourself for just a few minutes.

I'm not interested in your sexual history, your sexual interests, your sexual anything until I understand you as a human being. Your penis is NOT going to get center stage here no matter how hard you try. I'm OFFENDED that you think I don't get what you are trying to do. 

You think I'm your high school girlfriend that bought your, "lemme just put the head in for a second" bullshit? Give me a little fucking credit here.

We talk about sex ON MY TERMS and MY TERMS ONLY. I will NOT entertain your attempts to get me to humiliate you or in any way use MY TIME for your pleasure. 

Not happening. 

STOP. SENDING. ME. GENERIC. LETTERS, ASSHOLES.  BLOCK!!!!!

No, "Do you own a chainsaw?" is not a funny question to ask after you spend most of our first conversation completely fixated on figuring out how I would discipline you, then you fell asleep mid-chat, the next day took 25 minutes to walk your dog after you said you would only be "a few minutes", re-asked several of the questions we discussed the night before, then spent most of the conversation talking about yourself or redirecting questions back to yourself. The only thing funny about you is how pathetic you are.

Men, take note. This is not how to talk to a woman here.

While I eat really healthy food that is home cooked and exercise every other day, I'm not interested in becoming vegan, switching to whole grain pasta, or eating only kale for lunch. I eat lots of vegetables and fresh salads, but you would have to pry bacon from my cold dead hand! I am a foodie, and I enjoy cooking. I like to eat! If you could live on vitamins and protein shakes, we don't match.  No judgment. You live however you choose. It's not for me to tell you it's wrong, but our lifestyles don't match. At all.  

For the record, I'm not interested in climbing mountains or sky diving or white water rafting or triathlons or any really serious ironman regimes either. I don't want a personal trainer. I might consider a nutritionist if he or she is not a foodnazi that will try to get me to give up cheese or fruit. Healthy is relative. I'm not going to give up my life now just to survive a few extra years. Survival and living are two very different things.

If you're going to post a picture of your face, you might want to consider a smile. Some of the sourpusses I've seen over the years seriously could be serial killer worthy. I also feel the need to reiterate yet again that if you post a photo of your penis, tortured or not, as your profile headshot, I will pretty much assume that that you're a dickhead. Thanks for the obvious metaphor and warning label.

I am so very tired of men contacting me to justify their kinks to me, as if that would somehow cause me to decide I'm interested in them.  Whatever you want to do in your bedroom is NONE of my business, but when you come into MY bedroom or into MY home then it's not about you anymore.

I am so very tired of men that only wanting to follow orders that they want to follow anyway. Eventually I'm going to expect you to do something you don't want to do, and no, it won't be sexy or kinky or dirty or anything that you crave.  It'll be mundane and difficult.  This is where I see what kind of submissive you are. If you can't comply without complaining or won't comply at all, what use are you to me?  You have no place in my life if you only do what you want to do.  If you think orders have to be part of your kink to comply, don't even bother messaging me.  You are only wasting both our time.

This is why I'm not interested in a traditionally BDSM relationship.  I'm not interested in dating an infant.  I expect better from you.

“No fool in his right mind would buy this as a legitimate way to have a relationship,” Jim Alsdurf, a forensic psychologist who is an expert on Christian domestic abuse, told the Daily Beast. “A relationship that infantilizes a woman is one that clearly draws a more pathological group of people.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/21/christian-domestic-discipline-spanking-jesus-marriage_n_3479646.html

I am not the dumping place for your mental issues.  If the look of other people bothers you that much, you have serious problems.  Possibly sociopathic tendencies.  If you don't like fat people or fat dommes or fat anything, that's not my problem, it's YOUR PROBLEM.  

Grow up. Just don't contact people that don't interest you.  WTF is wrong with you that you feel you have a right to insult others here?  Man, how fucking self-entitled?!  

Okay, here's what's going to happen.  Any other fattie haters out there that message me are going on a journal list and from now on I'll be contacting CM admins about your abuse. This will not be tolerated, and I'm sure as shit not going to apologize for who I am.  You can fuck right off.

So I got this message:

"My you want a specific type of guy physically but at 220 Llbs 5ft 3 you are not plus sized you are FAT admit it" 

Since you were such a coward to block me after sending this, I've decided to respond to you here.  First of all, classy way to talk to a lady.  Ya know, I never lied about who I am or what I am. Plus-sized MEANS fat, dipshit, and actually I don't have really high standards physically.  I just don't want someone O.L.D.  

Judging from you complete lack of grammar, I'm guessing you're not working with a lot IQ points or education, or you're just lashing out about my age requirements.  

I'm amused.

If you asked a woman which would be worse, sexual infidelity or emotional infidelity, her answer will be emotional.  For men, it would more likely be the physical sex that would be seen as more serious.  I mention this because I keep getting emails from men looking to offer me "sexual freedom" within a relationship (aka cuckoldry).  

Sorry, but I'm not interested.

This is something men would find attractive if things were reversed: complete freedom to stick their dick into anything that moves and still have a wife at home that will remain loving and faithful.  This would be, to many men, the ideal situation.  But what appeals to you does not appeal to most of us.

Women are, usually, not sexual beings over emotional beings.  I don't desire tons of sex with multiple men.  I need one man that will provide for my emotional needs... which is frankly a lot harder.

Bad News, boys: WOMEN ARE NOT TURNED ON BY PHOTOS OF YOUR DICK.  Honestly.  We aren't.  Men are visual.  Women are not.  We're not impressed.  If a gal ever says she is, she's lying to make you happy.  Fact.

Ya know what I'm getting really BORED of?  The "I'm sub, but I'm really manly too" apologetic profiles.  I'm also BORED of "I want her to tell me what to do" but only on the subjects that I want to hear it on, only in the way in which I wish to be told, only using implements I approve, and only at the times I specify.  Funny thing, that doesn't sound very submissive, does it?  I have read far too many profiles that read this way, so no, my friend, you are NOT unique.  You are one of many that treat this as a fun sex toy, which is fine if both partners are open and honest about who is really in charge.  But that is not at all what I'm looking for.

Amused.  I received this message from a domme through her newly collared pet's CM account to announce her ownership....  *yawn*   I'm not going to send him unsolicited messages, you twit.  "If you're going to pee on your sub to mark your territory, be a dear and don't spray in my direction, okay?  Thanks much!  xoxoxo"  Blech.

If any of this is you, you don't belong here.  You certainly don't belong with me.  

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sandy-weiner/6-ways-to-recognize-and-s_b_2754804.html

I can appreciate that as balance of power shifts between men and women some instances of discrimination have occurred for men, but I think comparing any such thing to what women have endured for millennia is an insult.  That's not to say I'm not for correcting such situations (public rights vs consensual private rights), just that comparing the two is absurd.  When men become the legal property of women (sold from mother to wife), when men become disenfranchised, when men lose the right to own property, when men are treated as chattel (not by choice), when they are not allowed to enter the workforce, obtain an education, and their bodies are not their own and subject to nation debate, then I'm ready to seriously talk about oppression.  This is what women endured until the late 1800's, so then, quit whining, try to change what you can, but NEVER tell me you know what real oppression is, privileged white male.  You don't.

When did asking for common decency become standards that are too high?  If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time and can't make it, you would think you'd do your best to make sure the other party knew and apologize for not being able to fulfill the obligation, no?  I would expect no less from a vanilla man.

If you write like this: "O hai! I haz whipz an chaanz 4 u 2 beet m3 wif."  Expect not to get a reply.

Amusing myself at your expense may include snide remarks...

Received a message: "...do you HATE CHRISTMAS, just like your INTOLERANT GOVERNOR? Will there be criminal prosecutions for those saying MERRY CHRISTMAS?"

It's not intolerance to refuse to give a religion privileged status.  That's like saying it's intolerant towards white people to not allow "white only" coffee shops.  Um, no.  That's not how tolerance works, sweetheart.  You seriously need to stop watching Fox news.  

I try not to be judgmental on this site of other people's proclivities.  I have a very live and let live policy about how people choose to live their behind closed doors lifestyle.  I have to admit, though, I don't understand a lot of what is out there.  But it's not for me to judge.  That said, I'm rather tired of having my eyes assaulted while doing searches.  Whatever your interests are, you don't have to parade them as your primary profile photo.  I don't want to see your genitals before I know you, so I certainly am not interested in seeing your bits tied up in rope or some burly farmer type in a diaper or a dress, so for god sake either keep these photos as secondaries or exchange them with someone that wants to see them. Vile.

“Male privilege – again – is about what men can expect as the default setting for society. A man isn’t going to have everything about him filtered through the prism of his gender first. A man, for example, who gets a job isn’t going to face with suggestions that his attractiveness or that his willingness to perform sexual favors was a factor in his being hired, nor will he be shrugged off as a “quota hire”. A man isn’t expected to be a representative of his sex in all things; if he fails at a job, it’s not going to be extrapolated that all men are unfit for that job. A man who’s strong-willed or aggressive won’t be denigrated for it, nor are men socialized to “go along to get along”. A man can expect to have his opinion considered, not dismissed out of hand because of his sex. When paired with a woman who’s of equal status, the man can expect that most of the world will assume that he’s the one in charge. And, critically, a man doesn’t have to continually view the world through the lens of potential violence and sexual assault … The reason why male privilege is so insidious is because of the insistence that it doesn’t exist in the first place. That willful ignorance is key in keeping it in place; by pretending that the issue doesn’t exist, it is that much easier to ensure that nothing ever changes.”

If you haven't been married once by the time you reach 40, it's unlikely you will be able to function in a relationship where you genuinely have to give up your autonomy.  There is definitely a difference between living with someone and marriage.  Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. 

 To quote Joseph Campbell:

 "I would say that if the marriage isn't a first priority in your life, you're not married. The marriage means the two that are one, the two become one flesh. If the marriage lasts long enough, and if you are acquiescing constantly to it instead of to individual personal whim, you come to realize that that is true -- the two really are one."

TIL I give people far too many chances to redeem themselves.

I am repeatedly astounded by the immensity of male selfishness.  It seems to know no bounds.

Dear morons, DO NOT use the word "female" in instances where "woman" is appropriate.  It not only makes you look like an idiot, it makes you sound sexist as well.  I don't give a damn what is popular today. 

Why are guys suddenly using CM as a penpal service?  WTF is this about?  NO, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN BEING YOUR PENPAL!

Two things you ought to think about before seeking a D/s relationship:

1. Are you only looking to submit on your terms only?

2. Are you seeking kink acts to be performed on you or are you really looking to submit to someone else's authority?  

Do you know what you really want here? If you haven't thought it through, I'm not sure you do.  

Expect that I will a) ask how you fit into the relationship I am looking for (so damn well read my profile), b) expect you to tell me at least what your field is (it's not about money, it's about accessing your critical thinking skills, your ambition, your education, etc.), and c) expect to within a reasonable amount time want to talk on Skype.  If you are unwilling to do any of the above, it is because you are not serious and are wasting my time.  Fail any of the above and you will be blocked.  Is that clear?

After 8 long years on this site, you will have to accept that I am very much on guard against men that are looking for "kink talk" to pound their pud to.  I'm not interested in discussing kink interests in my first conversation with you.  If you go there, you either have nothing to talk about or you are looking for arousal.  Either is a waste of my time, and I have zero tolerance for it.

In his words...

"my first observations were of the intensity of your eyes, and the ways in which your presence would go from smothering....to need inducing. Yes, there are definitely some wires crossed in me, but that resentment of being smothered in me, evaporates, and quickly becomes the desperate feeling of needing approval of the one who smothers.

 Yes, this is what I read in your eyes...the ability to make a man desire your approval, and the further ability to slowly make a fellas will evaporate."

Well said...

"Submission is not about getting yourself off, it's not about doing something when it's convenient, it's not even about looking for compliments. It's about pushing your own pleasure to the side, and focusing on your Mistress until you get pleasure from doing so."

Are you here for a prostitute?  Because you are whining about wanting a "Domme" for free, and yet looking for someone to fulfill your kinks, then you don't just want a prostitute, you want a FREE prostitute.  I think you need to rethink your intentions here.  If you claim you are here to serve, then you are here to obey my whims not yours.  

Further, my whims are not all sexual, nor are they necessarily intended to arouse you.  I don't think that is what D/s is all about.  Submission is about obedience, even if it doesn't excite you.  A real sub doesn't look for what's in it for him.  A real sub puts the needs of his Lady before his own.... whatever those may be, kink and non kink alike.  

If you can't be that, then you are just a selfish fetishist and you should be upfront about that.

In his words: "We all have ego, but I guess I'm not always aware that it's an issue or really aware of how it impacts others, so to be told point blank that I need to lose a part of myself in order to serve in a way should not be unexpected but yet, it is.  I'm appreciative of your time to speak with me on this, makes me think there is a lot I have to learn here."

In his words: "A lot of men get overly attached and attracted to the kink / fetish side, especially when younger; I did.  What we often want and lack is the deeper emotional attachment that comes with devotion, service and non conditional giving in a loving relationship.  We often let our big and little heads get in the way from leading from the heart." 

If you don't have a cam or mic, get them.  Be ready to use skype in the not too distant future.  I don't have patience for "I don't have a mic" or "I don't have a cam" or "I'll get one this week" or "I can't get it working".  No patience for time wasters.  

For the record, irritating me will not get me to verbally abuse you.  It will, however, get you blocked.

It's awfully presumptuous for a sub to tell a Domme what her profile ought to look like. 

There's always a point in a conversation when I realize that he only wants me to talk about kink or D/s related topics and he isn't at all interested in me as a person.  At that point the conversation ends and I have nothing more to say.  BLOCK!

To the codgers of CM: If it took you till your 50's to come out of the closet, I'm sorry but it's probably too late to find what you're looking for.  And if you think this is a way to get attention from 25 year old, you're a sad case indeed.  Stick to women your own age or at least reasonably close.  Those of us under 40 aren't interested in you.  It's like being in a relationship with a woman's father, and that's just gross.  Got it?  Good.

Women need not rule with cruelty.  We can rule with the same kindness and nurturing you are familiar with.  I need no whip to make a man obey.

A quote from a profile visitor:  "What You seek is rare, and so much on the psychological level. I do wish You well. You are indeed a rare find and i hope You find the rare sub."

Occasionally someone actually gets it....

Today's lesson: Understanding physiology.  A strap-on is an attachment that does not provide pleasure for the wearer.  What exactly is in this for me?

If you are "trans" anything, NO, JUST NO.  Not interested.  

I got a message from a boy regarding my profile.  He gets it.  Why don't you?

 "i like Your profile and i agree with You - most men just want quick pleasure for their kinks and not a serious commitment that would involve deference and obedience to their Owner - regardless of their own feelings, day in and day out."

WHAT PART OF 'I AM NOT INTERESTED IN CAM DOMINATION' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND??  No, I'm not interested in your penis.  No, I don't want to see you x thing to yourself on cam.  No, I will not enjoy any of the above.  Stop asking me!

I'm again amused at male weakness and indignant behavior.  I received an email in which the boy called what I'm looking for "boring" and claimed I must be really "ugly" if I won't put up a picture of myself.  Whether or not anyone would like to get to know me on this site, and many have, there is no excuse for this behavior.  I wouldn't call this a "challenge" or "brattiness".  This is just rudeness and arrogance, plain and simple.  This is not the behavior of a submissive... so either this moron is someone that joined this site just to mouth off at random people to try to get a rise out of people or he's the type that is on cm to wank off and my profile managed to be an erection kill.  Well, douche, you shall get no jollies from me.

I am, frankly, sick and tired of all the penis, torture, and other kink related photos on this site.  Yah, I get that that is what the site is about but could you please have a *LITTLE* dignity?  What makes you think that I'm going to see your penis and want to message you right away?  Grow up, boys.  You're sad and pathetic.

And ladies, sometimes you're no better.  I heard of a "domme" that has the word "classy" in her username and she also has a pic posted of her crotch.... gross.  There is NOTHING classy about that.  I suggest you open a dictionary and reassess.  Seriously.

While sex is part of any relationship, it is my opinion that submission has nothing to do with sex in general.  You either are or are not willing to let the power structure be reverse.  You either prefer to be submissive partner or you don't. 

This erotic thrill nonsense basically sets the tone that you are only willing to have this relationship as long as you still get sexual pleasure from it.  This is not a stable, lasting relationship then.  Every relationship ebbs and flows sexually... but submission should not.