To all of you genuine people out there don't give up this place can work.

I first registered some 23 months ago and have met a number of people as a result of my time here, all good people who I had varying amounts of fun with and most I still chat too occasionally.

Yeah sure I've also had my fair share of time wasters and thankfully only one crazy but on balance I'd say the proportions weren't too bad and it's not too difficult to avoid the more obvious time wasters anyway.

But more recently I was contacted by Miss Red Dragon (account now closed) and we skyped, met in public etc etc and are now sickeningly happy together (well I am anyway), I really couldn't have asked to meet anyone better matched to what I was looking for in my profile - we just fit.

So my message again - don't give up! Keep your eye on the target and keep trying, there are decent people here.

My old profile (seems daft just to delete it)

I'm sure one off play suits some but I seek a deeper, more lasting connection than that, though of course every relationship has to start somewhere. Ideally an outwardly conventional 'nilla relationship, but built on D/s footings. Whilst I have ticked a few interests etc I do not hold these in high regard. For me submission, service and the D/s dynamic is my prime desire. 

I have photos available and am more than happy to talk on the phone or meet in a vanilla setting to 'prove I am genuine', it is so difficult to get the right impression of someone online. 

I have ticked the straight box but recently I have come to realise that perhaps I am not as straight as my past history might indicate, probably more so than the usual for these sites "bi-curious" but not enough for me to truly describe myself as bi.

I've been attracted to the D/s scene as long as I can remember having stumbled across a copy of the Story of O by Pauline Reage (and another less well known book who's title and author I cannot recall) in my early to mid teens. The Story of O is of course a BDSM classic and is M/f oriented. The other book I read back then was F/m and that really struck home. Fast forward a few years and apart from a few minor dalliances (like any vanilla couple might on occasion) I never really found a partner who shared my kink. Single again I joined here and a few other places and have had a couple of enjoyable experiences, but those never seemed to work longer term. Then met someone on another site, and though I didn't really previously get the online thing, its really worked for me/us for a while.

I'm educated, articulate and polite to all. Respect should be mutual and needs to be earned by both parties so just as many Dominants don't like being called Mistress or Master by strangers, I don't take to well to those that don't know me assuming those same positions. We're all people first and foremost.

Outside of kink I have other interests including voluntary work and some sport, doing not watching, watching just isn't my thing at all, and I do ok at the level I compete at, but mainly its for fun.

I like to read and am revisiting some child hood classics at the moment.

Love films of most sorts and can appreciate almost anything on its merits. Trying to list a top ten would take me all day to decide and I would still want to edit it tomorrow as something else comes to mind.

Musically I'm pretty eclectic but have always leaned towards the harder edge of  rock and metal, but love lots more too, not really one for dance music though.

I love to cook and can too! I know shocking isn't it a man that both likes to and can.

Respect flows both ways and needs to be earned by all parties. I can not unconditionally submit to a stranger, it is both potentially dangerous (others may get off on it I suppose) and unfulfilling IMHO. Such acts need to be in conjunction with a meeting of minds on even the very lowest level, for them to have any meaning. Would any self respecting dominant want a door mat who will roll over for anyone (and everyone)?

Why do so many "Straight Male Dominants" list  

Actively Seeking:

Fifty Shades of Grey - A husbands view

The missus bought a Paperback
...down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;

Seems there are some real people here after all :-)

Breaking news:

After extensive trials, Doctors reveal that they have found a cure for Dicklexia.

This common problem, most often striking men in their mid to late teens can be a problem well in to retirement, is the cause of many a piece of bad grammar and numerous spelling mistakes and typos. Studies have shown that though not immune women do seem to have a natural resistance to the disease.

The cure is universal and turned out to be most elementary in its implementation, effective in 99% of cases studied and virtually cost free - men and women are advised to type with both hands.

What's the point - you open up and let someone in, and then they crush you.

Really saddened and hurting that someone can see me in such a bad light.

Not sure where or even whether to go from here.

Ha

A lovely chat this evening, and last too come to that, with someone from here. Extremely tame by many peoples standards and quite, quite vanilla but very nice all the same. We do seem to have ever so much in common - almost scarily so - not exactly peas in a pod, we are definitely quite different, or perhaps I could say complimentary, in some ways. But certainly some uncanny similarities here and there.

Very much looking forward to the chance to talk again *smiling*.

Am trying to define in my head to myself what I seek - if I don't know, then how on earth can I start looking for it, so here goes.

Something lasting with someone I can share more than D/s and kink with, someone I can respect, adore and care for who will care for and nurture me too.

Lists of fetishes and kinks should not be a big consideration, those are the sort of things you can accommodate or do without with the right person, the overall dynamic is the important thing.

To mix two more usual terms (LTR and FLR) I guess the easiest way to express it is a Long Term Female Led Relationship

Hmm where to start, the beginning is usually a good place I suppose.

"Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!"

....had best fast forward to the bit that's most recently effected me I guess.

It's not really fair of me to go into the full details of why I recently felt that I could no longer be with Ms Donna. She is who she is and I am who I am, unfortunately I have come to the conclusion that I need something different to what we had together.

I've always had my reservations about online/LDR and I guess ultimately they have been born out as true. I just didn't find there was enough of a personal connection, the deeper I got involved the more I felt the need for some reciprocation and even if its there, it just doesn't come across over the ether.

My head is such a mix of emotions - regardless of what my rational brain tells me.

Hmm - holiday blues, is it just me? Just too couplie, no time to be single really - ho hum!

Achey breaky plums

OMG what a few days.

Ms Donna has been inflicting various cbt on me over the past few months - I say inflicting but really I've loved almost all of it, I just never knew what a pain slut I could be. On occasion she has been much harder on me as a punishment but on the whole it has either been as pure play or as a little test of my devotion - what am I willing to endure for her and whilst that has pushed me out of my comfort zone it has never surpassed my limits - quite literally I have willingly endured it because she wanted to test me to see if I would and I hope I have pleased her in doing so.

Until recently we had narrowed this play down to 2 things. Firstly, ball beating using a length of stainless tube I just happened to have lying around, which isn't too heavy but has more weight to it than the handle of a wooden sppon and creates a worthwhile blow but it still requires many blows to build up a good deep ache but that is good as it means it is scaleable and controllable. Secondly to weights hung from a parachute, this allowing variations in both weight and time to provide different sensations and set up different testing scenarios.

But on Monday I built a homemade ball crusher - the balls sandwiched between 2 sheets of clear plastice variety. Oh and wow - what sensation play this allows - so controllable, a turn here, half a turn there etc, really pushing the pain envelope right to the edge of what I can endure and leaving it there. A little bit of stimulation to help counter the pain and another turn etc, quite mind blowing, a orgasm so crushed would have been amazing I suspect but of course I was denied that. Still it was fabulous and I hope for more to come.

now looking for hints on electric dog training collars and possible USB connectivity for long distance remote control via the internet if anyone can assist.

Written 16/10/11 and posted elsewhere - copied directly to here

Been a challenging few past weeks, very up and down.

Hit a real low just over a week ago, despite efforts my libido had gone from little to non, and I couldn't see how to solve. Had Ms Donna desired me like that then that would have been fine but she didn't and it was not a good state of affairs. I was finding it very difficult to get erect and/or stay that way, and when I was allowed an orgasm it was a purely mechanical affair, no real arousal and I took no pleasure in it. I had lost my desire to orgasm, denying me was quite irrelevant really.

I made a rather rash decision to on the Sunday night to ask for a break whilst I sorted myself out. It was made with the best of motives but without enough fore thought. I was tired from poor sleep over the weekend and not really in a fit state to make a decision and I was grasping at straws in a desperate attempt to correct things. Ms Donna reluctantly granted my request and absolved me from my restrictions and duties.

My original thoughts had been to have a bit of a stroke fest for a day or so in an effort to enliven my system, many edges and perhaps a handful of orgasms to get everything working again - it didn't pan out that way.

I spent the Monday evening talking some of this over with someone in chat - I beleive I previously referred to them as 'O Sage one' in a previous blog, you know who you are, if reading this thanks again - and came to the conclusion I'd made a rather rash decision, and I decided to make amends if I could as soon as possible.

The following night (Tuesday) it really came home to me just how stupid a decision I'd made when I thought I'd missed my chance to talk to Ms Donna, my heart sank and felt trully gutted, it came thundering down on me just how much our relationship meant to me - I guess you don't know what you've got till you loose it (or at least think you might have). But I was fortunate, we spoke soon after that and Ms Donna agreed to accept me back - thank you again Maam, if you are reading this.

Since then we have discussed things and Ms Donna has decided to alter my/her regime to include some edging, this is something I had not done for many many months and is being done in an effort to keep my libido alive.

The last 7 days have seen a big change. I didn't actually make anything of my 2 days of freedom, even though restrictions were lifted it just didn't feel right to do anything. But the relief and joy in being accepted back were enough to enliven me to a degree and Ms Donna was good enough to allow me one edge and a full orgasm that first night. Since then there's been a few edges and today my first ruined orgasm for Ms Donna and the first time I have swallowed for her.

Ms Donna's balls have been aching now for a couple of days and my libido is much higher, Yeaa I got my mojo back.

Why is that so many alledged dommes consider that being willing to make a tribute is the sign of a genuine person? Seems to me anyone actually genuine is more likely to be put off by such demands. However trivial an amount why should I or anyone else be expected to pay to just get to chat and converse, I for one in the first instance would want simply to do that, to get to know someone and then in time for us both to make a considered decision to move forward or indeed not to. For someone just after some titilation a £10 amazon or phone voucher is cheap compared to the prices charged by genuine pro's and likely to be paid by the timewasters just as much as the genuine.

I understand that there are a lot of timewasters of both genders and both 'ends of the whip/leash' but willingness to pay strikes me as a poor filter, however conversely I think it is a good indication of the chargers likelyhood to be no more than a scammer themselves.

Been sometime since I entered anything here.

Still being kept chaste with an occasional release, 4 proper orgams since Feb 1st, no milking and no ruined orgasms or the like. No touching of Ms Donnas property except that necessary for cleanliness etc unless she instructs - and instructions can be far apart at times - and few in qty.

First chaste period was 123 days, then 44, then I stopped counting, it just doesn't really matter anymore I don't get to orgasm unless Ms Donna permits it and that in itself makes me happy.

Do I ever need to cum again I ask myself at times, is it really all its cracked up to be, there's a great deal of fun, enjoyment and satisfaction to be had without and indeed in the act of going without so could I hack the thought of never again.....

9 days in now and the worst of the cravings have subsided. Having an orgasm after all that time 9see previous posts), even a relatively unsatisfying one did so drive my desire for another. Blue balls returned for a few days, their nagging pain a constant reminder, which is good in some ways but combined with the increased desire/libido it did make me all the more concious of things.

A hint of a possibility of release last night but I've learnt not to get my hopes up, it doesn't help and as it turned out I was right not to. Ms Donna says she hasn't decided yet if this is to be another long period or not but I'm more than happy to dance to her tune whatever she decides -

Friday made 123 days and permission to cum - in fact as good as an instruction. Never squirted like that before, but the orgasm itself was somewhat unfulfilling - didn't really take the edge off, it seemed a very mechanical act really.

48 hours later now, on no touch - not sure what the future holds Ma'am hasn't said, nor do I expect her to, perhaps a change of routine or perhaps another long (ish) period of denial - it's up to Ms Donna.

Day 120 - 4 months 1/3 of the year

Well I really never thought I'd still be chaste after all this time - I started with the intention of trying 1 month and here I am 4 months later.

Just 3 more days and I should know Ms Donna's game plan, maybe it will please her to allow me the orgasm that at sometimes I so desire yet at others am so ambivalent about or perhaps it will please her to deny me further - I don't mind.

Its very strange really because I both look forward to and fear both options in equal measure but most of all I want Ms Donna to have me do what she wishes.

STILL CHASTE

Been over a month since I last posted and still not cum. Day 75 turned into a review and another 25 days were added to another review - thats 5 days away now (that will be 100 days for Ms Donna and 123 all in)

I feel it's unlikely I'll get release, but I don't mind. Sure I get teased to distraction and at times I really do want to cum, but that's a spur of the moment thing and has nothing to do with the overall duration. The rest of the time I am very content to have given up the control and if Maam wishes it I will gladly go on and on.

Tried a parachute for weights yesterday, only ever used tieing with weight - I wasn't ready for the squeezing effect too - wow, that was a bit intense, need to back off the weight a bit next tie I think.

Quite astounding how many people have various categories in their "Actively Seeking" list that then complain in their journal about such categories of people contacting them -  Of course if you read complete profiles and journals etc you can usually see the real meaning but really - who's most at fault?? I don't think its right to complain if you haven't done your best to clarify for own wants it just fills this place up with yet more wingeing.

53 chaste days for Maam and counting (+23 before she took control)

The physical effects are lessening to a degree, my sleep is better and prostate pressure is reduced, and though I still get strange powerful all over body spasms they are less frequent, though stronger. Blue balls seems a thing of the past, I have read that production reduces dramatically when denied for longer periods, perhaps that is why.

In myself I am much more 'at home' with things. I am no longer waiting for orgasm, I know that isn't going to happen until Maam allows it to and have fully accepted that. Although I do not wear a device I am banned from touching and for the most parts I no longer crave that, as I did just a few weeks ago. Of course I still do when Maam is deliberately teasing and arousing me but the rest of the time I rarely get aroused any more. As well as my chastity and what little pleasure I am granted being devoted to Maam it seems as a side effect even my erections are too.

Ms Donna has told me that my 'target' is 75 days for her, which will be 98 days total for me, but I am not holding out for that as such. Targets can be changed, Maam may decide that I am not ready or if I feel as I often do these days I may even request a continuance.

Seems to be a more pissed off people taking a break at the moment than even usual - shame they get forced into feeling that way by the actions of others.

Amazing really - if you put "Not looking" at the top of your profile, you suddenly get messages. Is this the digital equivalent of wearing a wedding ring or the effect singles quys get when they relax and stop looking, women seem to throw themselves at them.