michelle1227

I went to Catholic school growing up. Wasn’t even catholic but in the end they got me and converted me. I escaped to Unitarianism but that is another story.

I like to walk around  with not a lot of clothes on in the house. Any girl who went to private school knows the first thing you did when you got home was take off your uniform to keep it  nice so you can put it back in rotation.

Since I was a latch-key I went didn’t go out after school, so I stayed  in my slip and t-shirt and my mother didn’t have a problem with it. She wanted that uniform to last too.  Fast forward, college, I “sigh” lived at home. Worked two jobs it was really late when I got home. My pajamas were t-shirt and underwear. I lived on the second floor at the back of the house.

When I moved in with my boyfriend, we lived in a condo. It was way way far back from the street and to see in you would have to be on the street on a ladder on private property. So hey I went from t-shirt and panties and I would change in any room I wanted. Actually within 10 minutes of the walking through the door I was stripping, bedroom, bathroom, living room or the kitchen even twice the garage!  I love the freedom.

So now we live in a house at the front of the street with windows everywhere.  I still strip anywhere I want. Come on a zebra can’t change her stripes overnight. It is not my fault there are windows everywhere. Beside I am an old married woman, who wants to see what I got.   I am not an exhibitionist; I am just in a rut. My only issue, my youn

OK so I am a screamer and I like having sex with the windows open. That is something totally different.

 M

I dislike my job - The motto "Quality in everything we do". Ha!

OK let me vent please. I dislike e my job. The pay is good and the benefits are wonderful but the day to day bullshit could make Bill W take a drink.

The rules just every week. Our goals change once a week and when we complain we are told " Do the best you can." We work in a field that we want more than the best we can. We are puzzle solvers and when we don't get to see the puzzle to completion we are disappointed. This happens many many times.

Our managers are numbers people. They don't know people they know reports. They would be happy if we were the BORG. A collective of one mind working to one goal. The idea of an independent thinker scares the shit out of them.

I have been called a "pot stirrer" because I question things. I don't like that label but I have my own mind and I have questions I need answers too. I can't be a blind rat running through a maze right? However the only people who promise to give me answers are 3 level higher up than me and if that is the case I could be putting my neck on the line.

It is hard to get up in the morning when you go someplace that does not make you happy 5 days a week.

Michelle

When I was in college I worked in the Kinko's downtown. I worked 2nd shift to make extra money. It was cool, work a couple of hours, make copies and earn some spending money.

Even after I graduated and went out into the "real world". I kept that job, my real job paid the bills and this job put money in my pocket. I loved to flirt with my boss because he looked like Ray Liotta. Seriously the bad complexion and everything. It made life fun in those days. Well not sure what happened, I was part time after all but he got fired. Bye Ray.

The next manager was a really nice guy. I can't remember his name but I remember he was gay. He was gay and damn proud of it. He invited all the employees to his apartment he had some interesting artwork for a girl from the inner city to see.  Beads from Marti Gras but he said it was San Franciso not New Orleans.  We weren  out all the employees and bar hopped. I was a sheltered kid it was my first bar hop and I got drunk off my ass.

I say that to say this. It seems as people left, from Kinkos.  he replaced them with friends. Cute friends, cute gay friends, hot cute gay friends. Guys who did not care if a 22 year old virgin felt them up because it didn't mean anything to them friends. It was nice to touch men and know you didn't have to "put out".  I hope I didn't insult them by getting my jollies from their hard bodies. Come on I was a virgin that had urges but wanted to be in love. These guys were my "fix" while I wanted for the real thing, love to come my way.  lol if just one had been Bi it would have been all over for me.

Michelle

If I had a di and I thought about this a lot. I would own two clubs, one for under 30 and one for over 30.

For the under 30 crowd the keywords would be "Daring and Hot". There would be loud music and lots of dancing. Bands would come in and play all types of music. There would be alcoves people could use for private time. There would be privacy screens but they would showed the outlines of people and what they were doing. Those screens would shoot up to large television screens mixed in to music videos. Go-Go o dancers in cages working for tips.  

The Keywords would be private and intimate. The over 30 would be dark with jazz and old school romance music. The difference would be you could hear yourself talk and not feel the vibration of the music in your bones. Couches, privacy booths, hookahs, views of the lake, everything anyone wants to create the right mood. My waiters would be trained to serve but not see or judge. The privacy booths would have buttons to use when you want service.

There would be more but that would be the beginning.  In a different world if I could be my alter ego all the time.

M

Craig's List. With all the recent events with Criag's List Killers, I think a woman would be a fool to meet up with a guy from there. I don't care if you meet him in the town square during a police's parade with tv cameras everywhere. Unless you have a taser in your purse and a call back buddy don't trust it.  A call back buddy, you send a picture of the guy and his license to a friend. If you don't call back every 20 minutes she calls the cops. 

Let the motherfucker know it too, so they don't try to be creative. Put him on the phone with you buddy and make sure she/he is has mean as hell to him. The live you save may be your own.

Back in the day I had an angel on my shoulder but these days an angel is not enough. Don't go out there playing with fire cause you might not make it home.

Take care

M

Ever wonder what it would be like to be double pentrated? Just once? I think it might hurt like hell but a good hurt ya know. Especially if the guys you were with respected you and didn't treat you like a sex toy. Also I would imagine both guys would have to be small or med. It would take a long time to be prepared. In the end you could say it was worth it.

I should put that on my bucket list so to speak. 

M

I feel like such a dummy for actually buying porn when it is free on the internet. I did not even know all that existed until listening to Dan Savage mention Red Tube. I was hooked.

I made a bee line to what I love most, interracial sex, BW/WM  but it was sadly disappointing. It did not matter if it was professional or amateur it was not my cup of tea. So I went exploring and discovered things I never heard of before, face sitting, breastfeeding men, winks, trebling. I was like wow. I was not even scraping the surface but those other stuff was too much for my delicate eyes. LOL.

I said it before and I will say it again. I love watching male on male porn. Guys who really know how to kiss and damn they should have classes on cocksucking I would sign up. Anything to have a guy's eyes roll in the back of his head while I suck him.

I never know how to treat balls. I don't want to squeeze them too hard or bite them and they feel funny. Balls are like nerf balls with something inside that you can't figure out but you don't want to squeeze too hard. Also I have never seen it but I heard if you put your finger up a guy’s ass at the right time he will come harder than he has ever come in his life. These are the things I want to know about. Finally how do you ask a guy in a nice way to shave down there? Not all the way... just trim it up. I hate hair in my mouth.

I also notice something else about male on male porn. One scene the guys are kissing and the making out the next seen they are fucking. I want to see the first time they insert. Why is that always cut out. Is there some secret they don't want you to see? I bet I am just weird.

I have watched D/s on porn but it is not what I like. I think being tied up is fun but not hog tied with a gag in my mouth or being put in a vise for long periods of time. I like mental domination a little more, punishments, rewards. I like pushing my boundaries and see how long I can get away with being bad before I have to pay.

I have not found that yet but the search continues

I was thinking about my love life or lack thereof, I often think wow if I were but 30 again all the things I would have done different I would have been so much more free exploring my sexuality. Then that little angel on my shoulder whispers "haven't you had enough adventures." So I take a seat, close my eyes and think about it.

The first time I had sex, popped the cherry and all that, was meeting up with a man from North Carolina. We met online by chance. Got to talking, phone sex and fantasy, next thing I know I am hoping a plane down there and spreading my legs. I went down one more time before things went south. He was a nice guy, he paid for me to fly down and hey he didn't chopped me up and bury be behind his house.

Next guy I met online, in lived closer one state over. He just got out of a bad relationship, problem he was a sub and he really missed the things she used to do to him. I won't go into it but I told a guy friend and he said "hell no" would he let a woman do that to him. However he gave me some great toys as gifts. We didn't do anything just talked and shared drinks.

I met another guy online (Can you see the pattern) He was from Atlanta and he was a straight up bad boy. He showed me how to hide pot so the cops will never find it. He told me how to get a fake ID. He made me laugh something crazy. He came to town and he got me high for the very first time.

OK one more hang in there

Last guy, I thought I really loved him. Seriously, he was in the background all the time I was talking to the other guys. Italian with a hot Boston accent, I get hot thinking about him. We met up and after all the phone and cyber sex we almost ripped each other's clothes off. We were really rough with each other he had nail claws down his back and I had black and blue marks all over me and I wanted more. However Boston boys don't bring black girls home back then. I was his dirty little secret for a while but it was fun while it lasted. (yep we met online)

Do I sleep with guys from my own backyard ... uh yeah.  Met a guy at a house party and everyone just hooked up. He came up kissing me and I was like hot damn. I love me some blue eyed blonde boys. and there are a few more but don't even get honorable mention

 With that I sit up, open my eyes and think maybe that damn angel was right.

M

My Journal.

I hope people like it becaue it is all I cand do. Life is so hard. trying to please everyone. Maybe I  just need attaction and     no one. There is something there

Bedtime

Going to bed soon. Sad I have to wake up to a job I don't enjoy. I guess that is the way of the world. Just wish I had someone to cuddle up to after I had bad day. They would hold me for a while and then make my favorite dinner to calm my nerves.  He would let  me know everything is OK and to take as much time needed to reassure.

Ha those days don't exist anymore

Michelle

My Job,

 I hate my job. I am cursed with doing something I am good at but I have no patience for. I sit in a cube and slowy wait for it to suck my life out.

 I do customer support on an IT Service Desk level. It sucks because you hear people bitch and moan about small problems to. It is not the job but rather the politics.

 IDK once I get there I will know

Michelle

Oh goodness am I pregnant?

I had the pregnancy scare twice. One was a one night stand with no protection. Yes I was a damn fool but pot was involved. OK no excuse but it happens. Can you imagine it? I have no idea what I would have done if it was positive.

The second was with my boyfriend at the time. I was late ( period) even though we had protection of the pill. Did you know that antibiotics can lessen the effects of the pill? I learned the hard way. Anyway I was not pregnant but I did the latex lock down. I was on the pill but still demanded a rubber.

This is the same guy I married. After trying to get pregnant it took 4 months so I guess I worried for nothing

Michelle

Sucking cock

I have only sucked cocks on 3 men. The first I don't really remember too much. The 2nd I loved it.  His cocked tasted good and I knew I was making him feel good. The last guy..well I found out what I like and what I don't. I don't like hairy balls and dicks. I can deal with trimming but I can't deal with "caveman". Have you ever got hair in your mouth? It is so gross. You can't enjoy yourself.  So I have a requirement, trimming is needed.

In return I trim my lady parts. I would go the whole way if someone asked me. I tried it once and the guy said it was too freaky for him. He needed a little something not shaved bare. 

So we all have different taste! All I know is when you are sucking and you get a hair on your tongue that gag  reflect kicks in big time.

 Michelle

OK now we know I have problems with black men so what is left. I date a few white guys and let me state a truth.

I was not a "fly girl" in college. I didn't have the lastest fashion or the typical black attitude. The result I , even if I wanted to, could not compete with the "fly girls" of my college.

So was I lonely in college? Not quite for some reason those blonde blue eyed devils seemed to take a lot for me. OK college is a type to experience life. So I  had fun with them.  Hey the black guys were all taken.  I met one guy I  thought I loved but he was ... a ding bat.  Not to smart upstairs.

After college I had a few one night stands but I learned to live ithe it. I worked at a Kinkos and the old manager was fired for whatever and a new manager was hired. He was so cute and gay. He hired all his friends and it was so nice there. I could hang on to men and it would mean nothing.  They were hard bodies for the hugs.

Next I met a few guys that .. just wanted to fuck around an did.  I did start dating one guy, I thought he was the one but there was problems ( I could tell you if you want to know)  Finally I met a guy interested in me and we dated for a while, then moved in together then got married and had kids. Now I want more of what I missed in my youth.

My life is not much better now but I need a new atitude not a new life

I have daddy issues.

Growing up my father,when I was younger , he was a "good father".  Somewhere down the line something change. Maybe it was because of his drinking or maybe the fact he was trying to juggle two "wives" at the same time.  Anyway he started paying a lot more attention to me when I started to develop. He said it was his "right". He wanted to touch me and look at me when I was changing clothes. While as a child I didn't have a name for it .. I knew he was a sick son of a bitch.  I would threaten him with telling my mother and that kept him at bay for a while and he never touched me.  However, he told a neighbor that he could "feel me up".  Which the neighbor did.  The neighbor died soon after and I thought that was God's will be done.

I think my mother knew something was up because she gave my father holy hell when he opened my door when I was trying to take a nap. She told him she would kill him if she thought what she suspected was true. Not soon after my father died of a  heart attack. I didn't care.  I was 13 and I didn't care. I didn't go to his service.  I just didn't care. Actually a part of me was glad he was dead. 

The only fall out was I gained a distrust of all black men. I didn't want anything to do with them.  I dated a few but that was no good. I transposed my anger to my father to the entire race of black men.   I have never had sex with a black man..even though I am black. I have a white female friend married to a black man and I don't see the attraction.

I know it is bad to condemn all black men to the actions of a few but in my mind that is how I cope. I know it is wrong but I am not going to change.  These are my "daddy issues". 

Michelle

big shout out to SwitchTX28. I miss you. When you coming back up here to the great lakes?

I have been watching porn lately. OMG there so much out there I am surprised the studio still exist. There is only  one thing I don't like.  When a guy comes on a girls face. OK I don't mind him doing that per se. but I love it when a man comes inside me. It makes me feel worthy. Creampies, are a little better.

Also I have been watching a lot of anal sex. I find it curious that the people go from blowjobs to well into anal fucking. They never show the actual first moment. I think it is because the person is screaming like hell and that would not be good for the video. LOL

I know this is crazy to ask but as anyone ever seen video of a real dungeon. Not someone's house with black and red sheets but a real one. Still trying to work the nerve up to go to one. Heck I can't even make it to a munch. But I am still working on it.

M

Does anyone out there listen to Dan Savage podcast.  I do.  I think he is cool and gives good advice.  Anyone agree? If you don't .... please don't reply.

M

I need to change my profile. I have been told from at least 3 Doms I am not a sub. They need a new option for people like me.  Maybe call it .. A little bit of everything. I have talk to some guys.. that I kinda was a Dom for them. That happened without trying. However there is no way I am a Switch.  I have been told... and this makes me more ashamed than anything else .... that I am just someone looking for attention. To me that is worst than anything else out there in the world. I rather be a sub 10 times over that told that. Being a sub is special... wanting attention is pathetic.

What the fuck is wrong with the spacing on this thing. goodness the spacing is off the hook.

I want to write but I just don't know what to say. My head is just a jumble of emotions that I can't straighten out.  It's hard to separate the BS from the real.

 I am sure the vodka and lemonade ain't helping either.

 I hate my job. I work for two bitches that won't let anything stand in the way of their next promotions.

 Home life could better - my husband and I have not had sex in 5 -6 months. Why? He is always tired. I think he is fucking someone on the side but I can't prove it.  Doesn't helpe that my two best friend's husbands have cheated on them. Sad part, I won't care too much if I could get a free pass. That way I can have some satisfaction that does not require batteries. Sometimes I get so horny, I pass a guy in the hallway at work and all I can think about is sucking his cock.

 I met a guy online,  really cool, kinda of a man's man. Got his hands dirty at work type not sitting behind a desk. I love talking / texting with him. My feelings for him scared me so I would back off a lot. He got tired of it. Hot and Cold, I don't blame him. I know he will find someone that wil be exactly what he wants. Especially when he finishes that dungeon in his basement. I will miss him.

OK I feel a little better.

M