MasterShake

Well, six months must have passed. I find myself online, here, again. More of the same. If I had not met a really neat person or two over the years which have turned out to be really great people and friends, I don't know if I'd be able to summon the necessary blood-sugar to log on. But, alas I am here again. Now, I am at a point in my life where I am open to finding someone. Over the years I have had a couple of near-misses, but never has the perfect (for me) person shown herself to me.

Perhaps I am just wasting my time here... but maybe, just maybe not.

Jesus Christ bananas! 

I just spent a bit of time perusing the message boards here. I was in hopes of having an intelligent discussion on a subject near and dear to my heart. But, alas! There is a huge, vast deep and broad current of dumbfuckery that permeates.

People with poor reading comprehension skills, vivid imaginations, and a smug sense of self importance jumping on, correcting, flaming, and otherwise rendering unreadable otherwise interesting discussions seem to be the prevalent content. I really and truly can't stand self-righteous know-it-alls ripping someone a new one over their own misinterpretation of an genuine and earnest question, statement or sentiment.

If it was just one thread in a few then one could filter out the chaff from the wheat. But for fuck's sake! It is every single fucking thread started. It isn't half a dozen posts until some self-important douche-bag is insulting someone else based on his/her misaligned assumptions and off-the-mark reading of someone's words. Sometimes the OP's thoughts are succinctly expressed, yet the hubris on the part of the posters to follow in unbearable. Perhaps because I am getting too fucking old to care but I just don't have the inclination to participate in that drivel. 

But I probably will anyway.

As I sit home with a brutal head cold, sinus whatever-it-is I finally have time to get on this site and peruse it, looking for humans that are interesting.

I found a beautiful quote from an unlikely source:

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you., You just have to find the ones worth suffering for.

-Bob Marley

I hope the profundity of it is not wasted on any whose eyes may happen to fall upon this post.

Okay, I have to call Bullshit.

*Whistles*

*Throws penalty flag*

Bullshit! We have offsetting penalties.

False profile; fake Russian profiles looking for relocation money, on the receiving team.

Personal foul; wannabe HNG dominants just trying to get laid.

Penalties offset. All parties ejected from the game.

Replay the down.

Ok, all you HNG wanna-bes. If you can?t get laid there, it won?t happen here or anywhere else. If you really want to be a dominant, you should be messaging other experienced dominants and asking them for mentorship. You should really learn a whole lot about what it is you want to be and do.

And, you should spend some time as a submissive. It will really give you a well-rounded perspective of just what this stuff is about. No sub who has any clue will allow you to do anything to her that you haven?t had done to you, at least in a non-erotic experimentation context. It does not make you a lesser top, but a better, well rounded one. I personally, won?t do anything to a sub that I haven?t at least tested on myself. And, for years I was a submissive. I adored serving my beautiful female partner. Nothing made me happier than to serve her. If I had to suffer or endure in order to please her, it made it more wonderful and special. Having been there, I get it. I understand and respect exactly how a submissive?s mind works. It allows me to open up and let receive her gift of submission without trepidation and hesitation. And, that is exactly what she wants. If you are to dominate, you must have confidence. The importance of this cannot be understated.

A guy named ?surferdude? published a series of acid tests. I list them here with all props to the original author. They are a pretty good guide. His words are in blue. My comment in black.

Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable, he's not going to be fun to play with.

Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating
call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we earn them. Most real Doms will say things like "Please, call me Mike..." Agreed 100%

Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me." This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have to isolate you from other people and their
advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather required to make one. LOL!

Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This person is an HNG. Use
some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that's not even polite? There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't online!

Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!"
or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a? Master that." These are examples of some the dangerous lies that control freaks and snerts use.
This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least try and answer every question you have, and honestly at that! It's literally your ass that's on the line! Never forget this!

Test #6: "It's my way or the highway!" or words to
that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak. Doms can have limits too, but it's your limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be "Dom" tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned, it's always lady's choice!

Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style. It's a very simple test if you think about it: Would a real-life Dominant waste much time on cyber sex and cyber? domination?
Please take my word for it; The answer is no. Forget it, once you've done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull. Preach on, Brother!

Test #8: Ask your prospect if he's ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he says
"no," run for your life! If he says, "very rarely," at least be suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced and skilled. Sometimes submissives have limits they don't even know about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom in the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but not miracles. I can attest to this. Good thing a nurse was at the party.

Test #9: "I'm a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire... yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense. How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about this personality profile; If this super successful, always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he's likely a submissive!
Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet! I concur.

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of experience (and it's a good idea to do so) remember to do the
math as well. 18-year-old boys don't care about the intricacies of BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18-year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil? Okay. You can not be a competent dominant as a teenager. If you are not old enough to rent a car, sorry, you're no dom.

Test #11:
Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be "very experienced." Talk to the references on the phone. Lots of HNGs have female screen-names set up to act as "references" for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. However, in the BDSM scene it's the opposite; experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly. Careful, discretion is also a virtue. Another way is to ask around the community.

Test #12: "I have three real-life collared slaves right now, but you can't talk to them." OK, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible. What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is the last part. I have met
couples (and even triads) that really were looking for an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the scene. But these
couples were looking together. If a "Dom" has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her first! If you hear this, welcome to fantasy island.

Test #13: "I don't need safewords." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really been in a scene! Of
course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more? Epic bullshit! Safewords are mandatory! Anyone who bypasses safety precautions is either a fake, or future killer. You will injure or kill someone without safety precautions. If you're lucky, they'll only charge you with manslaughter. Do you really want a jury to hear what you were doing when you killed her? Do you believe they will buy that it was consensual? Meditate on that a while!

Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their limits for them." If you hear a "Dom" say this it's most likely
because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse still, his "slave" is simply the victim of spousal abuse. Even so-called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation. See above.

Test#15: "I'm married, my wife can't know about us" If I have to explain this one to you, you've got problems. I have played with many married submissives in my time, but only with the express permission (and more often than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe BDSM requires complete honesty. You can't build a good scene on lies. There are plenty of people that will be willing to tell you differently; but please note, they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves. Self-explanatory.

Test #16: Insert your own Acid Test here: You will
learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an online contact with a "Dom" that falls through, analyze why it fell through. Don't make the same mistakes twice if you can help it.

I?d like to add that anyone who has ?lord? ?master? ?wolf? or ?dragon? in their profile name is highly suspect.  If they have some shit like, ?I am Lord Dragon-nuts, of the House of Wolf-shit blah blah? then I give you a 90% chance of bullshit, sometimes severe. Now, this isn?t an absolute. But, it is a strong indicator. I, myself, have ?master? in my profile name. But, it is the name of a literary character and used with tongue planted firmly in cheek. And, I use the term literature very loosely. ATHF fans know.

Now to all you Russian scammers (who probably not reading this, but I don?t care) you really need to step up your game. Your profiles stick out like a sore thumb. For all you HNG?s, you actually deserve the frustration, but I will reveal the key to spotting fake-assed profiles.

1. Only one picture of a beautiful girl, especially of high quality. (Some are now adding additional pictures). Often they are stolen from legitimate profiles.

2. They are from a town near a big city. If you see a dozen beautiful submissive honeys from a particular small town, just outside of yours, then you can bet that most are fake.

3. Look for broken Engrish with awful grammar. No capitalization and no paragraph breaks is almost omnipresent in fake bullshit profiles. Ladies, listen up. If you get lots of emails calling you a fake, it may be your Engrish that is causing this. Please clean up your grammar. It is what is representing you to the world here.

4. In the pictures, you can?t see anything that is identifiable as local: no sports memorabilia, no vanilla shot near a locally identifiable landmark, no mention of local things she likes to do, no mention of what she does for a living, no mention of local cuisine she is fond of, etc.

5. She does not mention any of her vanilla preferences. Come on, we can?t be in the BDSM headspace full time. It cannot be done. Beyond a long weekend, it just gets to be draining. Straight (vanilla) time is required to recover. Without the contrast between scene-space and straight-space, each is bland. There are no mountains without surrounding valleys, only plateaus. If she seeks a 24/7 relationship, and mentions her preference for anal in her introduction, she is fake. Real subs don?t need to mention that they like anal to attract men. No woman has trouble finding a guy to fuck her ass.  If she seeks men from 25-60 and she is 19, well I shouldn?t have to tell you.

6. If they talk about attending a training academy, camp, etc. and are fully trained and ready to serve a master, they are as fake as Beyonce?s weave. No one is ready to go, fully trained, ready to jump in and start being your slave/toy/whatever. Even women who have a great deal of experience, they still need to be taught what THIS dominant wants, expects, needs, demands, etc.

7. If her response to your initial message does not address specific questions/issues in your message, she?s either fake or didn?t read your message. Either way, cull the bitch. I don?t have time for a bitch who won?t take the time to read what I am trying to tell her. If her answer seems canned, it is. Report the profile. It?s Boris, not Natasha that you?re talking to.

Something occurs to me. As I peruse the ads of subbies and those who want to be. I notice in the list? of things loved, hated, tolerated, etc. the frequent appearance of "electrical play" in the lists of things hated. Now, many of these who purport to hate electrical play also claim to be totally new to the "lifestyle" and desirous of obtaining instruction in and introduction to all things BDSM.

"Hmmmm," I says to meself [sic]. I wonder just how much exposure some of those who report to "hate"?electrical play have actually experienced. I would be willing to wager that it is pretty limited. OH, HELL. I was just being generous; I bet it is nonexistent!

In my experience in the art of perversion and debauchery I have yet to run across a subbie that tried electrical play and didn't loooooooOOOOVE it, especially the violet wand, when properly and skillfully administered and lovingly applied.

What methinks is going on, is that newbie subbie yummies are filling out their profiles and have no idea what some of those things are. When their eyes come across the word, "ELECTRICAL," they recognize it.  ?I know what THAT means,? they say to themselves. They have images of toasters dropped into bathtubs, and electrical cords used to shock someone ala South American dictatorship torture scene. Or perhaps they think of a homemade electric chair sitting in someone?s play room plugged into the wall.

Dropping a toaster into a bathtub is a little edgy, even for this dirty old man. (Ok I am not that old. What you mean I?m not still 23?!!?!? ) If this is what you think of as ?electrical play? then you are correct to hate it. I would hate that too!

True electrical play involves a TENS unit (not my favorite), or a ?violet ray generator.?  These things require a pretty thoughtful and deliberate application to one?s subject. They also require a great deal of experience on the receiving end of such equipment by the Top, so that he will know exactly what sensations particular settings result in. There is also a need for knowledge of safety considerations. A person can get seriously harmed by the clumsy application of these devices. There also must be in place safety precautions in case the equipment should malfunction, you know, like that silly plug on the hairdryer that has to be tested and reset. Well one of those is MANDIFUCKINGTORY in all electrical play. This device will keep both parties safe, should some internal working within stop doing what it is designed to do.

So, in closing? everyone should feel safe and love electrical play and let me light their little asses up with? (sorry, I digressed)

What I meant to say was that perhaps those who have not experienced electrical play at the hands of a caring, talented, skilled, loving, cruel, tall, hazel-eyed? (sorry, digressed again) Top should reconsider her preconceptions of the subject. If you have not had it done correctly, safely, sanely and skillfully to you, please reserve judgment.  You may just become the biggest fan of this oft misunderstood and maligned form of play. It may be that after a few times, you just can?t get enough and whenever you walk into a BestBuy and smell that ozone smell of all the electronics that you start to glisten down under and feel a buckle in your knees and think about me and long for the next time we meet.

I have not been online, at least here, in some time.  I now have a bit more time to devote to seeking a yummy little plaything.  I am open to many possibilities and have no one particular thing or type of person that fits the bill. 

In the interest of disclosure and fairness I have a long term partner, who is an evil domme bitch herself.  While the role of long term life partner is filled, the submissive little plaything is wide open.  You can be mine exclusively, or a shared sub, whichever you are comfortable with. 

Recently I have been getting in touch with my Daddy/Dom side and really enjoy the energy of such a relationship and would like to meet a young femme to serve in the me in that role.  There seems to be quite a few out there who seek a caring, firm Daddy/Dom.  We will see.

I have moved and have a new larger house which we plan on customizing for play.  Later, perhaps a play party may be in the works.  Those in Baton Rouge who would be interested in attending please let me know.

I have returned to Baton Rouge and have settled into a routine of constant chaos.  I still make it up to DC a few times a month, and also to Houston.  I do day trips to Dallas and Huntsville, AL.  If you would like to meet for coffee and/or lunch in any of these cities drop me a line.  I will also be in Indy for the final 4 weekend. 

Just signed on.  I see a lot of interesting people, but wonder if any real maeningful connections can be made here.  I will find out.