MasterdDx2001

All About Chemistry

In almost any relationship or bond, it is very important to have or ascertain some type of compatibility with one's partner. If we are fortunate we may just happen to locate a natural compatibility with a partner who possesses the same or similar likes and dislikes as we do. This natural compatibility will likely extend to things other than D/s, for instance, having similar tastes in music, hobbies, and other leisure pursuits. Now, if one partner manages to find a partner as compatible as this, we may well find them descriptive as a Soulmate, and once found we should do our utmost to keep this partner, because they do not come along very often, if at all. Possessing a natural instinct for the needs and desires of the other person is not something that is located rather often. However, I strongly feel that with some application, we can build or engineer a compatibility with our partner through good communication and being attentive to that person's needs. Of course, there must be some compatibility initially, but that can certainly be improved upon greatly with effort. It is rather unlikely that the threshold of pain of a submissive will naturally match the sadistic levels of his or her dominant partner. On the one hand, the submissive may have a higher pain tolerance than the dominant is prepared to meet, or similarly, he or she may achieve the threshold before the dominant has even begun to state his need to give pain to another. In either case one or both can end up either unfulfilled, or at worst, physically and/or emotionally wounded.

So, the art is to extend either the time it requires to reach a threshold for one or both partners. Perhaps the easiest way to do this is to add an extra dimension to whatever action is occurring. For example, if engaged in flogging, I would suggest the addition of some time away from that to create a more emotional response in one's partner, or divert the attention with, for instance, clamps on the nipples or the use of the voice. In each case what are we doing here is to achieve an extension of the time it takes to reach a specific point. Now that distraction might be more pain applied in a different way or location, or it may be more sensual, like touching, or even a diversion from that pain already there, using voice or massage or something like that. In each case what we are doing is engineering the response we need, whether that be a diversion, or more endorphin production, or more mental than physical attention. All these serve to do one thing, which is to extend the time we have available prior to reaching a limit. Remember too, that if we are, say, flogging, to leave the flogging for a few minutes may well permit the endorphin reaction to better take place which, in itself will naturally increase limits and endurance, perhaps matching more the needs of a partner than if the flogging were merely carried out without any break or diversion.

The art of compatibility engineering is not of course, just about play, it is about life's choices. It may help to try and appreciate the things our partner likes. Don't dismiss things out of hand, but give them a chance. Let them explain why they like a particular kind of music, or particular author. This not only provides the chance to appreciate our partner's likes, but will naturally induce better communication, and a closer affinity. Of course, the art of communication is paramount. While we may attempt all sorts of things to promote better compatibility, unless we possess good communication, we will never know if those things work effectively or not. Communication is vital both before and after the event. Before is useful in planning what will occur, and enabling both partners to comprehend when and how certain things might happen. After the event enables each to let the other know what worked and what did not. Remember that there will always be some things which don't work for one or both, however well-planned they may be. Communication and discussion afterwards will mean those actions can either be omitted or altered in subsequent scenes or events. All the time this communication will denote that we are creating or engineering a better compatibility between one another.

We don't have an in-built knowledge of how our partner thinks, and what they crave and desire, as well as his or her dislikes. Only through time, effort, hard work and application will this come to pass. Remember also, that there will also be failures as nothing is perfect, and we cannot expect our choices and decisions to be correct all the time. I suggest using these as learning opportunities, take something from them, and improve what is done in subsequent scenes and events. I know that engineering compatibility is not a new idea, but it is definitely something that we all should pursue in our particular subculture. It can only make us better at what we do.

The Empowered Submissive

I strongly feel that any good submissive is entitled to be treated with respect. Thomas Jefferson and the Founding Fathers aptly state that we are all endowed with certain inalienable rights as an American and as a human being. A submissive not only has the right of respect, but he or she has that particular right upon demand. A submissive is not equated with being a doormat, as being submissive is indicative of a person's nature, and does not in any capacity make a sub a prospect of not being human. Any good submissive must have self-respect, if he or she expects it from others; subs should take a great deal of pride in which they are.  A good and true submissive is a gift, and as a sub you have many gifts that you bestow upon those who are worthy of receiving them, but the greatest gift a submissive can give is his or her total surrender to that dominant who accepts his or her submission with love and respect. All of us know that you can't have the love without the respect. When you have a power exchange of this magnitude, it can become a beautiful but immense source of pride and happiness.

The feeling of safety is also an inalienable right. Being a sub should not make one feel a sense of fear and insecurity. True submission is not about dangled off a cliff, or a hazardous flirtation with fear. If a submissive cannot be provided with a sense of safety and security in his or her dominant partner, there can never be a real true submission or surrender. A submissive has a right to his or her emotions and feelings, and the expression of them, therein, as they are as valid as anyone else's. Whether those particular emotions and feelings are of a positive or negative nature composes the identity of who he or she is. Attempts at suppressing a person's sense of self-identity makes a lifestyle couple's outlook for unhappiness more likely. As I stated earlier, a submissive possesses the right of expression with respect to her negative feelings. Just because a person may have a very strong submissive nature does not denote that he or she no longer has aspects of negative thinking or concerns. I submit that concerns are very real, and that he or she has an inalienable right to express them. If any good submissive fails to express his or her negative feelings to his or her dominant, it could give the false impression the sub could be pleased and satisfied with something that is unpleasurable.

I strongly feel that a good and true dominant should have a strong sense of honor, love, and responsibility to his or her submissive to spill her endorphins whenever possible, but seriously, his or her submissive should become the center of his or her attention and the soul of his or her very existence. As a dominant myself, I provided my submissive and soul mate, what I like to call human vanilla. This is the period, where as equals, she could express her concerns, whether or not something did not feel right, or something was bothering her, or something that made her feel bad. I would listen and hear intently, as I deeply cared about her. What deeply affects the submissive, affects you. I do want to focus on the possibly the greatest fear a submissive faces when entering a dominant-submissive relationship, and that is getting emotionally hurt. The very thought of putting one's heart and mind on the line only to find anguish is quite a scary prospect, and it is quite normal to fear the pain that no amount of narcotic analgesic in the western hemisphere can quell.

If someone has experienced this misery before in their lives, he or she usually tends to fear it more because that memory of immense pain and heartbreak remains with him or her. Problems arise in forming new relationships, especially ones of a D/s nature, when the memory is so powerful that it affects most interactions with new partners. As I said earlier, people have that inalienable right to expect their feelings to be validated. We don't have the right to expect our new partner to bear the burden of paying the price for our previous relationships. It is unfortunate there are no guarantees in life, and heartbreak is definitely apart of the human experience at one time or another for many of us in mainstream society and our particular subculture. Even the most successful relationships have emotional pain along their path. We are all going to experience hurt and must equip ourselves with the ability to effectively deal with the various situations that will occur. How to react and respond to pain sets us apart from those who would harbor anger and bitterness, and allow it to flourish in their hearts. I strongly assert that if one chooses to keep dwelling on the misery, and perhaps punish other subsequent partners for it, will most likely result in disaster.

Unresolved issues will feed upon themselves like a cancer and slowly affect every aspect of any relationship, which is the very thing one feared would occur. It plays out like this in a dominant-submissive relationship: It is the submissive's job to communicate his or her fears and concerns, and it is the dominant's job to listen and hear what his or her sub is saying. If we dominants explore and bring forth those fears and concerns towards the light, he or she will be an advantageous position to deal with future actions and responses from the submissive, which may be invariably linked to those fears. So long for now!

The Natural Submissive

I feel that courtesy is a strong indication of a good submissive as well as a good dominant. As a submissive, he or she asks his or her dominant for an immense amount of time, attention, and thought. Dominating someone requires a great deal of work and effort. While the submissive obviously has needs, he or she should devote himself or herself to pleasing his or her dominant as best they can. The submissive being honest and sincere about what types of play interests him or her. If the submissive is a masochist, with little or no interest in performing personal service for a dominant, he or she may tend to annoy or frustrate a dominant that has high expectations on being served. Also, there are those subs that are only interested in performing or providing a sexual service. While others tend to provide such services on a limited basis, such as domestic or office help, and then there totally devoted submissive?s who serve their dominant any way they can. One of the qualities of good submissive is to show honesty with respect to his or her needs and desires, to the extent that he or she currently knows and understands them, will serve the sub well here. While a dominant is not essentially under any obligation to request that the submissive do things that suit him or her. The sub should offer numerous ways to his or his dominant as reasonably possible. after all, the more way a submissive can make a dominant's life pleasant, the more useful he or she is as a sub. A good submissive should diplomatically be as clear as he or she can about his or her limits. I strongly believe that a frustrated and resentful submissive is no fun for any dominant.

Another characteristic that describes a good and true submissive is to not be pushy. A good sub won't approach a dominant and, uninvited, descend to his or her knees at his or her feet. I can tell you from my lifestyle experience that it is a truly a turn-off with many dominants, myself included. This can be viewed, in its own fashion, as a non-consensual act, given the fact consent and negotiations are the one of the cornerstones of SM and DS. I appreciate and can tolerate a certain amount of subtle, low-key flirting. I am definitely impressed by formal introductions from potential submissive?s, whether by email, in person, or introduced through a known third party. A good and true submissive won't approach another sub's dominant and come onto him or her by kneeling or acting submissive in a conspicuous manner without that dominant's prior and express approval. Doing so can create immense hostilities between the two submissive, which can spiral out of control. A good and true submissive should avoid being a smart-ass masochist. SAMs will misbehave on purpose to provoke their dominants into punishing them. This can be fun and erotically hot within the context of a pre-negotiated scene. I love for my sub to be what I call "sassy defiance." I absolutely love it when a submissive can make me rise to the challenge of making her hot ass heel. Being a SAM is frowned upon when it is engaged in a non-consensual fashion, or when the couple is outside the SM scene. A sub who acts in such a manner is essentially weak to ask for what they really desire in an honest manner. In my lifestyle experience, I have some smart-assed masochists provoke real anger in some dominants. This essentially denotes a deliberate emotional or physical hurting of the dominant to receive the desired response. Such behavior, in my opinion, would not be indicative of a good submissive because it is manipulative, unethical, and it stinks of being non-consensual. Provoking a dominant is not a good idea. As I mentioned with respect to good dominants, domination is likened to surgery, it is a highly refined skill in a highly that takes a long time to learn and master. Good Doms exercise their skill in a highly controlled, thoughtful manner. A good submissive would not deliberately disturb a dominant's emotional balance, as it would be quite dangerous. Even though many dominants exhibit immense amount self-control, we are still human; when we are injured, we hurt. Many subs will say that a raging, out-of-control dominant is definitely terrifying. A dominant friend of mine was purposely provoked by his sub to the point of losing control. He was quite shaken and sorrowful after SM scene was over. It took over two years before he could regain his confidence. I am not going to go into any detail here other than the fact he did erupt. A submissive should not engage seriously in being a smart-assed masochist, unless he or she knows the dominant can deal with that. As I mentioned earlier, being a SAM can be quite hot and erotic under the right circumstances. Under the wrong circumstances, it can be quite disastrous. As I have I said a good and true submissive also has to exercise self-control like a good dominant.

I strongly feel that a good submissive would not engage in the behavior of resistance, at least, until he or she got to know their dominant quite well. Resistance on a submissive's part, especially, if the dominant does not know him or her well can send mixed messages, which can be quite difficult to interpret. When I am in a dominant role in a SM scene with a novice submissive, I will tell my partner that any physical resistance on her part will essentially be successful. I will regard such behavior as a yellow light, or even an immediate termination of the scene. There are some subs that enjoy being forced, and this type of behavior being exhibited can essentially ruin a session, as well as, cost me an occasional play partner. To overcome physical resistance, even if it can be done quite easily, in the mistaken assumption that it is play resistance can definitely lead to disastrous results. I submit that physical resistance must be carefully pre-negotiated. I strongly suggest that any dominant, which is in doubt, back off immediately. Like being a smart-assed masochist, resistance can be erotically hot if engaged in under the right circumstances. Topping from below is another behavior that I feel that good subs should refrain. This denotes a submissive trying to control the scene in progress by making excessive requests, suggestions, and complaints. Of course, this is quite different from the sub that makes suggestions and requests to the dominant, yet leaving it for him or her to decide. It is also different from asking for particular activities, or ruling out particular activities during pre-scene negotiations. Topping from the bottom is typically frowned upon. A submissive should let the dominants make as many decisions as reasonably possible, as the submissive is there to please the dominant. I talked about dominant masochists and submissive sadists on DS and SM archetypes. A submissive sadist enjoys serving their partner by providing them exactly the kind of pain they desire, or as a dominant masochist which connotes those who enjoy receiving exactly, and only the kind of pain they desire. I will say that these personas work well as long as both partners agree in advance that this is the type of scene they want to do. There is an ethical use of the topping from the bottom behavior, which is when an experienced sub is respectfully offering suggestions to a novice dominant. I know that beginner dominants often feel quite insecure, being trained by their more experienced submissive. In my years as a dominant, I have seen few cases where the novice dominant went on to become excellent and outstanding. Also I have seen a few cases where the submissive was abusive to the novice Dom and he or she essentially never realizes his or her potential. I knew one or two to actually leave the SM or DS community entirely. As in the other behaviors I mentioned in the above paragraphs, topping from the bottom can also be erotic and hot under the proper circumstances. Many of you may or may not agree with what I am about say here. I strongly believe that a dominant that can relinquish control and reclaim it at the appropriate time essentially controls control, the essence of power, if you please. A good and true submissive will topping from the bottom in a constructive, circumspect, and respectful manner with regards to a novice dominant.

My vision of the ideal submissive is one who will be able to discern between strength and stubbornness, with a preference for the former. I love that woman who possesses the fiery, feisty nature that dwells deep within her bosom, sassy defiance, if you will. But I also desire a submissive that has strong sense of self-worth, a woman who is happy with herself and can honestly communicate what it is that she desires. My ideal sub will cherish the romance and be totally enthralled by a perilous, dramatic fantasy. She will be unified and complete, special and significant, and she will possess the immense courage to listen to the spirit beyond what she is. Play hard!

A Man who displays sensitivity will be a Master who is sensitive to you.

A Man who displays humility will be a Master who will show you respect.

A Man who is not afraid to cry will be a Master who understands your tears.

A Man who is quiet will be a Master who will hear your quietest whisper,

A Man who knows fear will be a Master who will not leave you to face yours alone.

A Man who will listen to a child will be a Master who will always work to understand your words.

A Man who can stand alone will be a Master who will not crush you under His weight.

A Man who controls Himself with ease will be a Master with the ability to control you in the same way.

A Man who does not have to prove His point will be a Master with many worthwhile points to share.

A Man who never makes demands will be a Master who treasures anything you give.

A Man who doesn't run after you will be a Master you will never need to run away from.

A Man who is calm will be a Master who can weather your storms.

A Man who has walked the path to peace will be a Master able to guide you along that path.

A Man who does not shout will be a Master who will never deafen you.

A Man who knows Himself will be a Master who will have time to know you.

A Man with an open mind will be a Master who never stops learning.

A Man who never stops learning will be a Master who never stops growing.

A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

I want, I shall, I must cross your body cuntinent

I trust that my trip is mutually accepted

My tongue shall be my means of travel

Your seven sensual holes will be navigated with skill

My tongue and lips shall chart your cuntinent